Yesterday, I got the latest issue of Notre Dame Magazine (a perk of being an alumna, I guess - my parents have been getting it since I've been in school there, too). I don't typically read it, but yesterday I read through the whole thing. Skimmed some articles, but read several too. It was about the current generation, of which I'm still a part - a few of the articles were written by people who graduated with me, a couple who I knew or recognized names. And the articles were about stuff I know about, things I did, great Notre Dame experiences, etc. One of the articles was about how cold and snowy and permacloudy Notre Dame is, too. And man, all of it made me really, really, really miss being an undergrad there. Just being there. I mean, I know that if I were to go back for grad school, it'd probably still be great (especially the Basilica, of course), but it wouldn't be the same. It could never be the same. It's over, and I know that, but I really, really miss it. Sigh. I guess part of it is I don't have anything so far that's replaced it, if that makes any sense. Probably doesn't make sense. But yeah. Well, I guess there's Hazel, she's pretty great. Anyway. The thing is, I know that's where I was supposed to be for four years. (I didn't always know it during those four years, though.) I know that's where God wanted me. And now, I'm back to square one, and I don't know what he wants me to do or where he wants me to be. Maybe it is right where I am, who knows. I wish it were easier to figure out.
Speaking of cold: Today's high in the Springs was 64. The next three days or so, the highs are in the 60s. Maybe some talk of snow or rain later in the week, but I'm not holding my breath. Other than that, it's sunny and warm as far as the forecast goes. While lots of the rest of the country is having ridiculously cold temperatures. Isn't Colorado supposed to be a cold and snowy winter state? Yeah, apparently not. Sigh. I do love Pikes Peak, though. I fall a little more in love with it every day I see it. That is one thing that I won't find anywhere else I might go.
Anyway, in real subject land, I came across a very interesting post today via Dawn Eden's blog. I don't know that I have much to say about it, other than it's, well, interesting to read that point of view. Never having experienced anything close to love, I can't really comment much about that part of it. But it was all interesting. As were the comments, both there and the post where Dawn Eden linked to it.
Also, I realized today that even if I felt a call to be a nun (which, right now, I absolutely do not, but maybe I just haven't discerned enough, or properly, or something?), I have about 30 years of student loans to pay off before that could happen. So...I have no idea what that means. But anyway. I've been thinking about it a lot, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't see it. I can't feel it. But I know it's not all about feelings. And I sort of think there's a part of me (Catholic guilt) that will always feel like I'm wrong if I don't become a nun. Is that supposed to be a nudge? Or is it just plain old Catholic guilt, something about being "lesser" or "missing a calling" if I don't join a convent? I certainly get a lot of nudges in the other direction, but does that really mean anything? Is that just me projecting my desires? (Desires which, I might add, require another person, and who am I to presume that there's anyone out there who will suit me well enough, and I him.) It's exhausting trying to figure this out, and I'm sure I'm going about it all wrong, and there must be an easier way, an easier solution. I surely do not know what that solution is, though. Maybe going elsewhere for a time will help lead me somewhere. But what if I don't get accepted into the JPII Institute? I'm not saying I'll go if I do, but I know for sure that I'll be sad if I'm not accepted. And I can't help but think that I won't be, because I'm sure they have lots of applicants and lots better than I am. Who would ever pick me for anything?
(Sorry. My insecurities come out once in awhile. They're hard to hide and ignore.)
All right, enough thinking/whining from me. Sorry.
How's this for something to be happy about: the Steelers are in the Superbowl! Sure, they're not the Patriots. But I think if the Patriots can't be in, I'd rather the Steelers than anyone else. Well, maybe the Broncos, but mostly because I have several Broncos fans in my family (obviously) (even though one of them married a Raiders fan. That'd be like me marrying someone who went to USC. Or Michigan. I just don't think I could do it). So, yay Steelers.
This week, I have much knitting to get done, so hopefully I won't be on here very much. (Do I say that every week? Hm.) I promised a friend a knitted blanket for her birthday, which is Saturday, and while I know there's no way I'll have it done by then, I'd like to be close. Maybe by Monday.
Off to knit three, yarn over, knit two, knit three together, knit two, yarn over, knit one, repeat from first yarn over. Over and over and over. (But it turns out well!)
(That's right, I knit that. And modeled it in different places. And from what I hear, it's warm enough. Hopefully the one I'm doing now will be warm, too.)
1 comment:
Susie, you should just move into the mountains. It snows up there, right? And then you can knit blankets until some hiker gets lost and then you can nurse him back to health. Wait...I feel like we already had this conversation at some point.
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