Last night, for the first time since Wednesday, I could hear out of my right ear. Everything was surprisingly loud, but that makes sense since I've grown used to being rather deaf in that ear. It was good I got a break from muffled-ness in that one, since as of last night I haven't been able to hear out of my left ear. And of course, once I went to sleep everything got muffled again in the right ear. I've had a few moments today where all of a sudden I can hear out of the right one, but then it goes back to being muffled. I can hear things, just not very well. I can't wait to be done with this, and if it's not fixed when I go back on Thursday, I'm just going to go right crazy.
Yesterday, I also almost managed to make it the whole day without crying. I think I got to about 5pm before I cried (of course, it helped that I was out with people from 8am to 11 or so, and then I took a few hours-long nap in the afternoon). And then I went to Vigil Praise in Denver and easily could have started near-bawling while there, but I managed to keep it quiet and to a few tears that slipped out. It just sucks, you know?
I have decided something, though. I need to get a new puppy. Not to replace Hazel, obviously, because there's no doing that. She was great, and one-of-a-kind, and so very special. But another puppy will have its own great traits that will worm their way into my heart like Hazel's did. I was reading some sites last night (is it weird/pathetic that I need to research every decision so much that I googled "how long to wait before getting a new dog" or something to that effect?) that mentioned that the people who don't tend to wait that long before getting a new puppy are the people who have their lives ordered around taking care of a dog. People who go hiking and take their dogs, and wouldn't find hiking enjoyable without that companion. People whose houses feel so empty with constant reminders that there is no dog sitting on the couch, no dog to lick plates after dinner, no dog to let outside and back in. I hate this house without a dog. I can't go to Palmer Park without a dog. Yesterday and today both began with beautifully frosted trees, which would have been gorgeous to take pictures of at Palmer Park, but I couldn't go there by myself. I love that place. I love taking pictures there. But going there without a dog is just...wrong.
Anyway, something else I read said that those people who get dogs quickly also do it because it helps with their grief. The lack of a dog in the house is a constant reminder, and thus a constant source of sadness. Which I totally understand and agree with. So, I think I need to get a new puppy soon. Don't know when (obviously I have to check with the housemates, because if we're not all at a place where we want to welcome a new dog, then it wouldn't be good for anyone - and by housemates I of course mean my parents. And Tom. All of whom are, both surprisingly and not, really broken up about losing Hazel. She wiggled her way into all of our hearts, even with her jumping up on us and her constant shedding and her constant need to be chasing a ball. I'd give anything to have her jump up on me now, or shed all over my Sunday clothes again, or to have her not leave me alone because she needs to go, go, go. Sigh). It'd probably be two weeks at the earliest, because I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday. Even if the parentals are up for a new puppy this soon. (I think Tom is, but I don't know about them.)
All I know is, there's a place in my heart that only a dog can fill, and right now that place is broken and empty and needs to be healed by a new puppy. There's nothing on earth better than the companionship of a dog. Well, nothing I've experienced anyway. And until I do, dogs it is. Maybe it's not that there's nothing better, but there's nothing quite the same. And non dog people just don't get it.
I need a puppy in my arms again.
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