Who am I to blow against the wind?

It's been awhile.

I've been meaning to write for like a week now (and even have quite a long post started/half-finished). But now that post is practically old news. Let's see, what are its highlights? Ok, I'll just paste that whole thing in here. But keep in mind that it's something like a week old.

*****

This won't come as a surprise to many, or any, especially my mom. But I've noticed a general upswing in my mood the last couple of days, and while I can attribute it to more than one thing, I think a major factor is definitely the fact that I've started running again. I mean, I think since last weekend I've gone all of like four times, but it's something. It's exercise. It's a start. And while I don't particularly enjoy it, since all I do is run around my neighborhood and a neighborhood across and down the street, and I'm never free from cars and/or people, it's better than nothing. Even if I do get a little paranoidally freaked out when I pass anyone of the male gender above the age of, you know, like 18 or whatever. It's good for me though, in general. So that's good.

And then there's the fact that I just finally got it through my head what a completely baby I'm being about the whole thing. I still hate it, of course, but it's life, and I can deal with it. In case you haven't noticed, I'm still rather pathetically immature in many areas of my life, and that's something that really needs to be worked on. Anyway. So I'm working on it.

I realized something yesterday, something I've probably realized before but always seem to forget. It's not that I don't trust God in my life, or that I'm scared or worried about what path he puts me on, but that I don't trust myself, and I'm scared that I won't know or understand or follow the path God puts me on. I trust that God wants the best for me, and he'll give me the best. I'm worried I'll reject it unknowingly, or that I won't even see it in the first place. What if there was this whole other life I was supposed to be living, if I had only listened to God better earlier on, or at some important juncture in my life? I guess that's useless worrying, though, because even in doubting my own ability there's a degree (or more) of doubting God - doubting that he will indeed lead me where I'm supposed to go, or that he'll bring me back somehow if I go astray. After all, in the end it's not like I'm willfully trying to go against God's will for me, or that I'm purposely ignoring it or not listening to it in favor of what I want to do. So I have to trust that, in that, even if I make a mistake in some decision about my life, God will make good come from it. Because he can do that.

So that's that.

Routine is good for me. I'm finally getting into one, I think. Work 9-5, go to 5:15 Mass at the Crypt, get home by 6:30, then either go for a run right away or at least by 7 (last night was closer to 7:30, which was actually pretty nice because it had cooled down, was still light out, and I caught the beginning of the sunset. But that's also the same time as Jeopardy, which I do love). And then after that, eventually take a quick shower, have dinner, etc. And I haven't quite gotten this into routine yet, but ideally, I'll be going to bed by 11. I will. I will. I need to. My current sleep-schedule is not very good for me...but anyway. Piece by piece.

(Me, going a little crazy.)

*****

There. That's where my mind was last Tuesday, or something like that. I've been running a lot. Well, ok, so it's been only for the last week and a half or so, and I didn't go running Thursday through today, but Friday, Saturday, and Sunday all involved a great deal of walking so I figure that counts. Point is, the exercising level in my life has gone up exponentially. And that can only lead to good things, overall, in general. It's also true, I think, that when I wrote previous recent entries (more of the "woe is me" type), I may have been in more of an emotional state than I am currently. Stereotypical, perhaps, but it is true that women get overly emotional at certain times every month. I'll be the first to admit that, and often my really bad/depressed days can have something to do with that too. It's just the way it is, and you gotta learn to roll with it and accept it and realize that it happens. And try not to take your feelings on those days too seriously. So. There's that too. (Not to say that I'm not more or less depressed about being here. But I was way overreacting, and I know that, and I knew it then. But knowing you're overreacting and having the ability to stop overreacting are two very different things.)

This weekend has also helped a great deal with my mood and general outlook on life. For one, tomorrow starts June, and I always like June better than May. Also, better than July and August, but we'll deal with that when it comes. My friend Cathy (one of my oldest friends) came to visit me this weekend, which was delightful. She came in Thursday night, and I took Friday off. We started out Friday with Mass at the Shrine, walked around a bit, then had lunch and bought loose tea (and man, yum), and then I had my first gelato EVER. It was delish. But, I mean, with flavors like coconut, hazelnut, pistachio, almond, etc, how could I not like it? We then proceeded to the Mall, where we finished the gelato and sat on a bench waiting for our previously-reserved time slot at the National Archives, my first-ever visit. I give it two thumbs up. (Also? The $1.50 per reserved ticket was definitely worth it. You can stand in line and get in for free, but instead of having to wait in the sun for however long the line was, we got to go right in.) I'm fascinated by American history, so getting to see the actual documents signed by people like John Adams, John Hancock, Thomas Jefferson, etc, etc, etc was just really plain nifty. I mean, they actually touched it. Really. Of course, you can barely see anything on the actual Declaration of Independence anymore because it's so faded, but the Constitution and Bill of Rights are both much more easy to read. And I love the handwriting! I wish we still wrote like that. People have bad handwriting these days. Myself fully included.

The rest of the Archives was pretty cool too. Not as cool as that, but I'm quite partial to the whole Revolutionary period (not in the least because it's a tradition in my family to watch the musical 1776 on the 4th of July every year, so it makes me think of them). History in general is awesome. And I also decided I need to read more biographies. Specifically of my two favorite presidents (John Adams and Theodore Roosevelt). Someday...

After we finished there, we walked to the White House. We first went to the back, the side that faces the Washington Monument, and then we kept on walking and eventually made it around to the street that's in front of the White House, and in doing so we got to see the 1st Infantry Division memorial and this cool building, the Eisenhower Executive Office building. And then, of course, the front of the White House, and the park on the other side of Pennsylvania Ave right there (a street which is, in general, pedestrian-only. There's something enjoyable about walking down a street on which there are no cars. I'm pretty sure, though, that at one point it was drivable, because I swear I remember driving down it when I was there with my family. But as I was only eight at the time, I could easily be wrong). And then we kept walking, wandering around downtown DC trying to figure out where Metro Center was. I'm now overly-familiar with getting to the Chinatown stop, but I don't know the specific streets on which I can find some of the other downtown stops. I should get more familiar with those someday. But eventually find it we did, and thus ended our first DC day.

 

The next day was a full one. First stop, Arlington National Cemetery. I was there in September with my parents and brother, which was cool because he's in the military and all. Having a military family member sort of makes the whole thing a bit more powerful, I think. It was cool seeing again. Of course, the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, with the changing of the guard etc, was probably the highlight (if you can call it that). And because it was Memorial Day Weekend, a bunch of schools had given wreaths to be placed there, so we also got to see them change it - which was also cool because that included the playing of Taps. Being at Arlington during Memorial Day weekend was pretty extra-powerful. Apparently someone (I forget who they said it was) places those little American flags in front of each and every gravestone on Thursday night before the weekend, and they're all taken down by Tuesday morning after Memorial Day. It's something like 330,000 graves. Pretty impressive to see each one with its own flag. (Also cool about this weekend was that there were a ton of bikers in town for the annual Rolling Thunder demonstration, so there were a bunch of them at Arlington while we were there. And they were everywhere else we went too, pretty much. It was just neat to see, for some reason.)

After we finished there, I had the bright idea that it wouldn't be too far to walk from there to our next stop. For some reason I didn't want to get back on the metro (distance-wise it's not far from Arlington to the Mall, but on the metro there are several stops between the two), and I like walking, so that's what we decided to do. I actually sort of am glad that we did it, although we were pretty much dead by the end of the day because of all the walking. But doing that, we walked across the Arlington Memorial Bridge which dumps pretty much directly onto the Lincoln Memorial grounds, which we passed, and kept walking along the reflecting pool (and I took some nice shots along the way, including of baby ducks!), and then around the WWII Memorial, and then past the Washington Monument, and finally we got to the Smithsonians. By that time it was like 3 or 4 or something, and we hadn't eaten lunch yet. So we went into the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center because we were looking for somewhere to eat, and saw a sign outside it that said there was a food court. It was impressive and intimidating - we had to go through metal detectors and all that jazz, and show our IDs, to get in - but their food court had choices aplenty and we received our sustenance. And coffee. Mmm. Then it was off to the American History Museum to see Julia Child's kitchen, and the First Lady's Dress exhibit, and then we went into the Natural History Museum for a bit, then we were going to see a special exhibit at the National Gallery of Art but they were closed. Lots of the Smithsonians are open until 7:30 starting this past weekend, but I guess that one's not. [Hey, so I just looked it up, and apparently it's not part of the Smithsonian. Interesting. It might as well be.] Oh well. So we sat in the Sculpture Garden outside the Art Gallery for like an hour, until they kicked us out at 7. I knitted.
Two women stopped to talk to me, one commented that I knit differently than they do (the "continental style" is to knit holding the yarn in your right hand, which is how I learned/taught myself. The English style is holding the yarn in the left hand, which seems like it'd be faster but I get all messed up when I try to do it so I just stick with continental), and the other told me that their knitting group calls it "tinking" when you have to take out stitches or rows. ("tink" = "knit" backwards.) I like it, and I'm going to use it now. Cathy wandered and took some pictures of the sculptures.

We were both fairly worn out by that point because we had already walked three miles +, and we were headed back down to the Lincoln Memorial once it got a little darker. It's another 2 or so miles from where we were resting, so we took our time walking once they closed the garden. Stopped and took some nice pictures at the Washington Monument, because it was right as the sun was setting and the sky was getting pinker and made for some good shots. I also knitted some more, and another older woman stopped to talk to me. She's a crocheter, and we had a nice conversation. (I love knitting in public places. It's fun to meet fellow crafters.) And I got good sunset/monument pictures, yay.

Then onto the Lincoln Memorial, then Vietnam and Korean War Memorials, then finally back towards the Mall. We were going to grab dinner near the metro station, but it was too crowded, so we just went home and had a boring dinner here. Oh well. We were so tired. We logged probably more than 7 miles of walking, much of it in the sun (which, thankfully, wasn't too hot or bad). I had forgotten sunscreen/expected it to be cloudy all day, but the sun is much less intense here so my sunburn from Saturday isn't really bad at all. If it had been the same conditions in Colorado, I have no doubt I'd be much more lobster-esque right now. I'm thankful that I'm not. But man, by the end of the night, my feet were very very angry with me. They got over it though.

We took it easier on Sunday, went to Mass at St. B's, then headed downtown after lunch and just hit up the Art Gallery (their Sacred Made Real exhibit, which finished up today, sadly, was AWESOME. I really loved it), got an early dinner, then went over to the Capitol to sit around for almost three hours waiting for the National Memorial Day Concert to start. The sun and heat Sunday evening were awful compared to Saturday, but thankfully I had remembered sunscreen, so we just had to put up with being really hot and sticky for awhile, instead of hot, sticky, and baking. Eventually the sun got lower and it cooled down a bit, and then the concert started, and was awesome. Gary Sinise, Joe Mantegna, Lionel Richie, Blythe Danner, the guy from the All State commercials, the National Symphony Orchestra, and oh yeah, Brad Paisley! It was cool. But also very moving. I'll admit, I teared up a few times, and one even managed to escape down my cheek. (As I told Cathy afterward, in public, an escaped tear is the equivalent of me sobbing.)

Don't worry, the crying wasn't because I was being a crazy Brad Paisley fangirl, I promise.

And that was a long rundown of our weekend.

To sum up, here are highlights:

• Gelato.
• National Archives.
• Walking around downtown DC like I know what I'm doing.
• Everything about Arlington Cemetery.
• Lots of walking, even though it was painful. You get to see more that way.
• Knitting (in the sculpture garden, at the Washington Monument, at the Lincoln Memorial, at the Capitol).
• Fireflies! I saw fireflies on Saturday night when we were wandering around near the Lincoln Memorial! I hadn't seen fireflies in years and years! I was probably slightly overly excited about this one.
• The Memorial Day concert last night. It was really awesome to be there.

Things I'm surprised didn't bother me as much as I would have expected:

• The HUGE crowds. There were a lot of people. Everywhere. But it was sort of cool, like I felt like I was part of something that so many people do all the time. I don't know what it was exactly. But sometimes it's nice being part of the crowd. Assuming, you know, that I'm not stuck walking behind a slow bunch of people.
• The humidity. I think I'm actually getting used to it. I feel sticky all the time, but once your mindset has shifted to that as being the SOP, it's not so bad. I will admit that I've taken quick showers right before bed the last two nights (plus my typical morning shower), just because I felt so gross from all the walking around. But overall, it's doable. (I looked at the weather back home an hour or two ago, and the temperatures here and there were essentially the same. The humidity here, though, was 61%, and there, was 10%. I don't think it ever gets down to 10% here.)

Also, I am fascinated by the police who guard things like the White House and the Capitol. They just...stand there. All day. It's interesting.

All in all, it was a good weekend for Susie-DC relations. I gained a new appreciation for this city in which I find myself, and that's a good thing. I think I need to make my way down to the Mall and see the monuments more often, though, just to keep reminding myself to appreciate the fact that I live right here, in our nation's capital, a place that many people can only come visit for brief periods at a time. I can come and go as I please. I could go down to the Smithsonian, wander in one of the museums for an hour or two, and go home. And it's free. Heck, I could go into one just to use the bathroom! Not that, you know, we did that at any point this weekend, or anything...

So that's cool. Oh, and DC during this weekend,  just awesome.

I'm sorry that this post is so long.

Gratuitous touristy shot:

But just so's we're clear, my heart's still all Colorado's.

The end.

Tumbling in Turmoil

Celtic Woman is playing Red Rocks on September 12. My birthday weekend. In Colorado. One of the few concerts I have any desire to see live. God must think he's funny.

One of the worst things about being here, being in my situation, is not just that I'm not in Colorado for the summer. It's that I'm a 27-hour drive away from Colorado. Most of the people I know around here can basically drive home for a weekend, maybe a long weekend, if they really want to, because they're mostly within a 12-hour radius. Even if I had a car, I couldn't do that. So my trips have to be planned well in advance, or I pay for it. Sometimes I can find tickets around $200-250, if I'm lucky, but usually if I haven't gotten them months in advance, it's closer to $350 or $400. And that's a good chunk of change there. It's not just a couple of tanks of gas. And having to have it all planned sucks too because you never know what's going to come up that might complicate things. I'm trying to figure out the best time to go home in July, when my brother's there, and I really want to go home for my nephew's birthday which we're celebrating on 4th of July weekend, and I can probably take at most two weeks off at a time, but I don't know if I should take two weeks at the beginning of July and a longer weekend when my little brother is home at the end of the month, or vice versa. If I take two weeks at the end of the month, I'll probably miss a friend's wedding out here (which, honestly, it'd be fun to go to I'm sure, but...I have been to SO MANY WEDDINGS this year I don't know if I can handle another one. Is that terrible of me?)

Two months is a long time away, in case you didn't know.

Anyway. On the bright side, I've gone running three times in the last week, which hasn't happened since...October? I don't know. It's been awhile. I have nothing else to do, and I keep emotionally-eating, which isn't good. It sucks, because the only place I have to run is in the neighborhoods and whatnot around here, and it's impossible not to be around people, and it just makes me wish harder I could be hiking in the Rocky Mountains or at least running the trails at Palmer Park, but I just keep thinking...if I can keep making myself run here, now, I'll have a better shot of being able to handle hiking as much as possible whenever it is I do go home. The altitude will be the only factor, not my out-of-shapeness. Ideally. And hopefully even the altitude won't be bad, since I've never really noticed it any other time I've gone home. But I don't usually go real hiking when I go home from sea level - at most, usually it's just Palmer Park. So we'll see. I don't even know what kind of hiking I'll be doing, since I don't know if I'll have anyone with whom to hike, so that's a factor. But I'll have Nutmeg. She'll go hiking with me. And probably catch a few bunny rabbits and squirrels along the way...

Oh my gosh I miss the mountains so much. So, so much. Ugh. It sucks. I know I keep wallowing about the car thing, but if I had a car I'd be so tempted to drive out to the "mountains" out here, wherever they are, by myself, just to see some nature again. But that might not be the smartest thing to do. But I want to. But I can't anyway, so problem solved.

Man, it's a good thing that my awesome friend Cathy is visiting me next weekend. Otherwise, I'd be here all by myself, and man. Talk about depressing. The one roommate who was going to be here, who lives in Ohio, just decided to go home next weekend. The other two are doing other things (retreat, visiting family). But me and Cathy (yes, it's supposed to be Cathy and I), we're going to have a good time. She flies in Thursday night, so we'll sleep in a bit Friday, and then go to Mass at the Shrine, then head downtown and get lunch, and I passed a gelato place yesterday that I want to go to since I have yet ever to have gelato, and then we'll walk around for a little while, and I got us reserved tickets for the National Archives ($1.50 each, but this way we won't have to wait in a ridiculously long line as we would probably have to do given that it's Memorial Day weekend), and that's super-exciting because that's one thing I have yet to do here that I've wanted to do the whole time. So. Cool. And then we'll see some of the monuments at night time after that, probably. Fun stuff. Saturday we're just going to do a bunch of things. See museums, monuments, etc. Sunday we're going to Mass at the Cathedral of St. Matthew, where I've visited once but never gone to Mass, but they have a 10am Mass, Novus Ordo, in Latin! I'm pretty psyched about that. Then we'll walk around more, probably. Or something. And then, oh man, I'm excited about this, we're hopefully going to go to this. National Symphony Orchestra on the lawn of the US Capitol? Yes, please. So. Hopefully that'll be a fun, distracting weekend. Oooooh I just saw Brad Paisley's going to be there too. I have no idea if we'll be able to sit where we can see the stage, or if they'll have screens set up or what, but...that'd be cool. Yeah.

And then it'll be June. And June is closer to the beginning of the school year than May is. It's also a lot closer to July. I don't particularly have any good feelings about July (like I typically do about June. And April. And September), but this year, July is my beacon of light.

I'm so confused with myself. I shouldn't be this depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope I can get a job in Colorado next year, because...bleh. This isn't fun. Maybe God doesn't want my life to be fun. I know, I'm probably supposed to find the fun - or at least the joy - in all the piles of...um...not fun things. Christians are supposed to be joyful just to be doing God's work, right? I guess I'm back to the place where I'm wondering if maybe he wanted me to go home for the summer, or at least July and August, and trust he'd take care of me financially once school started up again. But I think it's more likely he wants me to learn to trust him, period, and to rely on him for everything. Including my joy. Not my family, not Colorado. So I'll just have to learn how to do that this summer - even more than I have been the whole past year, sigh - and then he'll bring me back to Colorado once I graduate. Except...things have a way of happening such that they're quite the opposite of what I want to happen. So I've become wary of even saying what I think, or hope, or know will happen. Lately, it rarely does. So that's kind of crappy.

I wish I were one of those people who never lived more than 200 miles away from home. I'm jealous of those people. I hope they know how lucky they are. (Some of them probably say the same about people like me, who went half the country away for college, and even further for graduate school.)

Well. Today I went through and added movies I've recently collected to my now-bulging DVD holder, which took awhile because I keep them in alphabetical order. I'm going to have to get a new holder soon. I have a lot of DVDs. It's probably kind of bad. Except, the good thing is I don't typically spend more than $5-7 on each one, because I think it's a rip-off to spend more than $10 on a movie. Anyway. They're my means of escapism. So that's...good? I don't know. I need to read more, I do know that. But at least I can knit while I watch movies, and I'm planning on getting a good deal of knitting done this summer. Since, you know, I have nothing else to do. And lots of projects I had planned this past semester that got put on the back-burner when I realized what a terrible student I was. (I don't want to repeat that again. I really hope I can do better next year. At everything, actually.)

So...on that note, over and out.

Be careful. I'm just a big ball of cheerful these days.

This is the state of my current mind: a Folger's commercial almost made me cry.

I'd tell you what it was about but I'm not sure if it would make me look more or less pathetic. It might be understandable, at least...but I'm not going to.

I'm in a really crappy place right now. And I don't just mean DC. (Ba-dum-bum.) I know I need to change my attitude; I don't know how. Every time I think of reasons to be thankful that I'm here instead of where I want to be (for example, I get to do touristy stuff when my friend Cathy comes to visit me next weekend; I get to be here when my parents renew their wedding vows with the same priest who married them, just a few days after their 30th anniversary; I get to go see much of my dad's side of the family on Father's day; and...um...yeah that's about it), all I can think is that they're like teeny consolation prizes. I'd rather have Cathy visit me in Colorado and go hiking; my parents probably wouldn't even be doing the renewal of vows thing in DC if I weren't here; it will be nice to see extended family, but I'd rather have all my immediate family together. Plus, all of that? That's all taking place during two weekends. Of the whole long summer. Two. Out of the remaining 10 or so. I'm hoping to spend a few of the weekends in July (not to mention a number of the weekdays) in Colorado, so there's that, too. But two weeks in Colorado isn't a reason to be thankful for staying in DC all summer, you know?

I know I just need to let it go, get over it, accept that this is the way things are, and be happy. It's a lot easier said than done, though. I know it's my fault, but I am sort of crushingly lonely out here. I miss my family. I love them, I really do. I can be me around them. Mostly. No one out here really knows me. Partly because I don't really let people know me, but also because, you know, I'm not really looking to make great friends out of all my classmates. We're together for two years, but that doesn't mean we have to become best friends. I take a long time to warm up to people, in general. And once we all graduate, we'll all just disperse like we were before. If I were home, I could be cultivating the friendships I already have out there, the ones I'm more likely to have longer since we at least have geography in common. Except I don't anymore, and that sucks. But my family. I miss my family so much. And I feel like I never really get to talk to them anymore. Sure, I chat with all of them online a few times a week. But those conversations, if you can call them that, are about as unsatisfying a connection as possible. That's the thing about internet communication - it's built into it the allowance for multi-tasking. Which results in distracted responses, maybe forgetting you're online, and really not much of an actual connection at all. But at the same time, it's all I have. It's not like I can call them up every day. I don't have that much to talk about. I don't have anything to talk about, really, not that merits a phone conversation, anyway. And therein, I think, lies the true awfulness of my situation. You can't help but interact and converse with people when you live with them. Even just snippets here and there. Even while just watching TV or a movie together. Anything. But when you're living more than half the country away, all you get are the awkward maybe once-weekly phone conversations where you try to find something meaningful to say to warrant the time commitment of talking on the phone.

It sucks.

I know, I'm being a baby. I'm soooo aware of that. But I am so lonely here. And so very, very stuck. Maybe I should just call it quits, give up my job, and go home for the summer. I can't do that, though. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the summer, though, either. I'm sure I will. I'm just not sure it'll be a very happy time. Maybe I just need to be ok with that. Maybe God's ok with me not being happy, too. I feel like I'm failing him if I'm doing something that I think he wants me to do and I sort of hate it. Maybe I am, I don't know. But he knows me better than I do, so he had to know what this would do to me. I just hope it's worth it. Is having money, and a job at least through December, worth this? I don't know. I honestly don't know. I just have to pray that this is what God wanted me to do, and that because of it, something good will happen. I don't really know what that might be, though. But I don't know much of anything.

Except, I hate the metro. With a passion. I do know that much. And it doesn't endear me any more to this place than I already am (not). Especially when I have to spend $5.20 every day to squeeze into a slow, crowded train, like a bunch of cattle, especially when the Red Line likes to have two or three trains within a few minutes of each other, and then have like an 8 minute gap before the next one, and somehow I always manage just to miss the last of the bunch and end up having to add almost 10 minutes to my commute, especially when after getting on that train that's a good 8 minutes behind the next one, it has to stop for a few minutes for "the train in front of us" for some inexplicable reason. Yes, I'm thankful they're trying to prevent crashes. But really? Come on. I hate you, Metro.

At least I've discovered that the 5:15 Mass at the Crypt is a nice little refresher before I have to get back on the cattle car to go back to my house.

I know I need to be thankful. I'm just having a hard time being thankful about being away from everything and everyone I really love. All summer. Just for a job. I'm sick of being away from them. Sick of it. If God wants me to go somewhere other than Colorado next year, I'm not sure how well I'll handle it. I'll be having some strongly-worded conversations with him, that's for sure.

It doesn't help the situation that my job (though I love it, and the people) sometimes requires/includes reading up on Catholic news and Catholic- and pro-life-related news. In case you weren't aware, usually it's depressing. Especially reading things like the National Catholic Reporter, which employs a bunch of pro-choice, pro-women's ordination, pro-everything-that-went-wrong-with-"Spirit-of-Vatican-II" people, who report everything with that slant. Like this column they have, "Young Voices," which includes four columnists in their 20s or so, all of whom are either involved with Call to Action (a social justice-y organization, which I'm pretty sure backed Obama, and backs the Catholics-in-name-only that are in politics, like Nancy Pelosi and whatnot) or the Women's Ordination Conference. So the articles they write are about what you would expect from people with those types of affiliations. It hurts. It hurts to see Catholicism attacked at all, but it especially hurts to see it attacked from within, from fellow Catholics who seem to want Catholicism to become something other than Catholicism. It hurts. And I hear about this stuff all the time.

I want to go camping. I want to be disconnected from everything, except from the people I love. I want to go into the mountains and go hiking with my family and my dog, and not have a facebook to check, or websites to read, or anything but my family to talk to, in person. And to re-connect with nature. Natural nature, untainted by civilization 20 feet away on every side.

Well, anyway, whatever. In the end, God is good, and that's all I know and that's all I should care about. Everything else ends sooner or later anyway.

I'm sorry. I apologize for my depressed state, and for blogging about it. I should know better. And yet, here I am.

I'll be ok. Or I won't, and eventually the summer will end and school will start again, and I'll have more distractions. Either way, this won't last forever. It'll just be my Purgatory 2010.

Seven Quick Takes Volume XI

(Fun story. I couldn't remember how many of these I've actually done (answer: ten. In almost a year), so I went back and looked, and I had two "Volume III"s and two "Volume VII"s. The last one I did claimed to be volume 8, but because of that, it was ten. Anyway. Now we're at 11.)

1. Today was very slow at work. So at one point, I decided to check the booklist for fall 2009, and at least see what I'm likely to need for the three classes that are the same (with the same teacher) as the second years had last year. Oh, four, I guess, but I don't really care about the fourth and will probably audit it. Maybe. We'll see. Anyway, the three I'm really excited about should be the same as last year's edition, and that means that I get to buy and read books including Theology of the Body, Called to Love, Love and Responsibility, Catholicism (by Henri de Lubac), On Marriage and Family Life, Marriage and Virginity, Marriage in the Early Church, and Ratzinger's In the Beginning. And, um, I'm pretty stoked. I've never been so excited to buy school books before. Or to start a school year. Well, that might not be true, but yeah. I'm excited about the books. I already bought TOB and Called to Love, and have started reading TOB. Maybe I'll just get all the books read this summer. Ha. Yeah. But at least a few, that'd be nice.

2. Today, I made my first official craigslist transaction. The TV we had here was my roommate's who moved out yesterday, so yesterday afternoon I went online to find a replacement TV. I'm not picky, but I wanted one that wasn't teeny. Our other one was 27 inches, so that's sort of what I was looking for. I found a few for less than $50 which seemed ok, and then I found one that was FREE. So I wrote and asked if it was still available, and it was, so we made arrangements for me to go get it this evening. I was fairly sure it was legit, and it was a girl, so I wasn't too worried, but I did bring a friend along. It went fine though, even though I was a little crazy with the driving, and a couple of times thought I had missed a turn or gone the wrong way and turned around, only to realize I was doing the right thing in the first place. Ah, the joys of not having a GPS. It's all good. It was a nice, pretty-ish drive, and included driving through Chevy Chase Village (which is a pretty nice area of town. Some very large houses.) We also stopped on the side of the road for a few minutes when we got caught in a very sudden downpour, complete with rather large hail stones. Well, sort of big, anyway. Big enough to sound like they were practically denting the car. Crazy.

3. So we had that storm, and then later tonight I saw a bunch of lightning in the distance (but heard no thunder, so it was really far), and then I was telling my friend about the awesome storms we get sometimes out east of the Springs, with tons of lightning up in the clouds, and how there's a really good spot to stand and watch them. And then I realized that that's yet another thing I'm going to miss out on this summer. It sucks.

4. And I really miss lilacs. DC has some nice flowers, but their stock of lilacs is pretty deplorable. All the azaleas in the world can't replace lilacs in my heart.

5. I'm really trying to be ok with it. But it really sucks. And I'm really looking forward to next year's classes, but I'm not looking forward to other aspects of next year. Like...my living situation. It's fine, and whatever, but I really wish I had a better option. Something about this house makes me feel...unsettled? Discontent? Not at home? I'm not sure. It's hard to figure out what it is exactly, although I do have some theories (some of which include my control-freakiness/OCDistic tendencies, neither of which are good and both of which I need to get over).

6. Worst part about not having a car? Not knowing if I'll be able to get a ride to my church on Sunday. Two of my roommates go there, but one of them just moved away to Maine. The other is gone this weekend and next, which leaves my roommate who usually goes elsewhere. I'm sure it'll work out, and maybe she'll just let me borrow her car for Mass since she usually goes later. But still. I dislike not knowing if I'll have a ride any given week. I guess I'll just have to trust God will get me there somehow. And maybe be ok with being a church nomad this summer, in the case that I need to walk or metro to a church.

7. Speaking of churches. First, I decided today that I want to get married at St. Malo's. This is part of the reason I need to marry a Colorado man. Also, it would mean having a very small wedding, so I'd have to pare down the list. But first, I should probably worry about finding someone to marry, rather than where I'm getting married. (I'm not really worrying about that, by the way. But man. It would be awesome to get married there.) Second, at one point during our journey to get the TV today, my friend and I passed what looked like a very nice church, as I was turning from one street onto another. I only noticed it because I heard what sounded like a church bell ring, or something, which maybe I just imagined. Either way, I noted really quickly the name of the church (whenever I pass nice-looking churches like that, I look to see if they're Catholic or not), which was Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. So, I kinda figured it was Catholic. I might want to go check it out sometime. I'm glad I passed it, though - there were a few different routes I was thinking about taking, but that was the only one that would have gone past that church. So, yay for that. Always nice to pass a pretty church. And third, my friend Jenny was telling me today about a nice little day trip to take, up to Emmitsville, MD. That's where Mount St. Mary's Seminar is located, and it's also apparently where the National Shrine of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton is located. Including her body. She's the saint I picked when I got confirmed, so I was pretty excited to hear about that. It's only an hour, hour.5 north of me. So that just went on my list of things to do this summer. (Which would be much easier with a car...)

There. The end.

Maybe this weekend, or next week sometime, I'll write some kind of year-end wrap-up. It's in my head. Just have to figure out if I can get it down on paper. Or...on...screen?

Today...has been very good.

You guys, I just realized: I forgot to mark the occasion of my 1700th post. With a title like that, I don't think it was a very good post for a nice, round number like that.

Oh well.

This one will be better. But short. Both because I've had rather a good deal to drink tonight. Not too much (I hope), but enough. Tomorrow I might be feeling it, though. Sigh. I hope not. I don't think so. I just had enough to be...um...social? Haha. Nah, but really, it's all good. The Institute's graduation ball was tonight. The first years are in charge of the planning, setting up, and cleaning up of the thing every year. I was not part of the planning committee, but I showed up early tonight to help (but not as early as others, because I had an all-day staff retreat for work, which was very nice. Just my office. And FYI, the pro-life office is the awesomest office at the USCCB. With the best people. So, yeah). Did a little bit of the set-up. I baked snickerdoodles yesterday (which, if I do say so myself, I'm quite good at. Snickerdoodles aren't the most common cookie you'll find, but I think I've probably baked them the most out of anything I've ever baked. Probably even more than chocolate chip cookies). And afterward, I volunteered to wash the plethora of serving dishes we had used. It was a LOT of dishes. But I sort of like washing dishes, and they had nice big sinks at the venue, so that wasn't too bad. So yeah. Not a bad night. And it was an open bar, as long as the wine and keg the Institute had bought lasted. (And it more than lasted, because there was a box+ of wine bottles left over.) So yes, I took advantage. I hadn't wanted to go at all, really. And ha, I didn't even really try to look nice - I put on a dress when I got back from the work thing. I put a bobby pin in my hair, which kept slipping and thus didn't last long. I refreshed my makeup a bit, but not much, and then I went out the door. Didn't care. And the wine? Made me care less. Haha. No, I was fine, but it was good. Sometimes you need to loosen up a bit, right?

Anyway. All in all, a very long and tiring, but good day. I decided that, assuming I graduate next year, I'm going to ask for either theological reading books, or just gift certificates to Catholic bookstores (probably one in particular :-) ), or just plain money. With which I might just buy lots of Catholic books. There was a bookstore at the retreat center where we had our retreat today, and man. There are SO MANY books I want to read. Too many even for the summer, which is sad. I'm in the process of re-reading Chronicles of Narnia (which is a bit silly, I suppose, to re-read something when there are so many books to be read that I've never read. But Narnia is just so comforting! And my brain needs a happy-time break, anyway). I also want to read the rest of Lord of the Rings this summer. And I really want to read Called to Love and Theology of the Body, which I'll need to read for my TOB class next semester - which is crammed into one month, so having the reading already out of the way will make things much less stressful during the month of September.

Lots to read. Lots and lots. Oh well.

I think I'm going to try to start drastically reducing my facebook/internet time. It's pointless. Why spend so much time reading about other peoples' lives when I have my own to be living? And I've realized I'm far too addicted to waiting to see that little red "1" on my facebook page, telling me I have a notification that someone acknowledged my existence, basically. Who cares if someone liked or commented on my status? I mean, really. I don't need to sit here waiting and watching for that red flag to be activated. It'll still be there if I only check it for like 5 minutes a day. Seriously.

Gosh. Speaking of, I need to go to sleep. I really wish I could take off tomorrow, or go in late. You know, I guess I could. Maybe I should...just by an hour. Yeah. That sounds really scrumptious. I'm quite tired, and the thought of waking up in 6 hours is not so appealing...I'm going to do that. Work 10-5, go to 5:15 Mass, come home for dinner, go to my friends' house for Lost. Good plan, Susie. I like it.

Goodnight, my dears. :-)

Nothing to see here...

I am currently wearing: pearl earrings and necklace, flowery dress, sweatshirt, and purple pajama pants. Oh, and a side ponytail.

This is what happens when you're 24, single, and tens of hundreds of miles away from your mom and family on Mother's Day.

(And got cold in stages. And were too lazy to take off the sweatshirt to take off the dress to put on a shirt and sweatpants and the sweatshirt back on, and so just put the pants on under the dress.)

Yep.

PS - Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Maybe next year you'll come visit me for Mother's Day, if the Institute sticks with its current graduation date trend. :-)

(And if I actually graduate.)

(Which is never a guarantee.)

Marking the occasion

I just wanted to let you all know that I just took my last final of my first year of grad school.

Crazy.

Just summer and one more year to go, and then I can move on to whatever else it is God wants me to do next.

Crazy. Did I mention that already?

I'm a little...dazed, you might say, right now. I have no idea how to gauge how I did on my finals. I had something to say for every question, which is a plus, I suppose. I managed to write around the correct amount, I think. I just don't know how good or substantial the content was. So...eh. I don't feel like I bombed anything. I also don't feel like I aced anything, either. I guess that's par for the course, and is good enough for me given where I am right now.

Still. Weird to think the year is over. Probably because there's no marker of it, like going home, like I'm used to. I finished finals today, tomorrow I'm working, and then I'm just going to continue to work the rest of the summer. Yeah. Weird. Hm.

Anyway.

In an attempt to make you laugh (although, if you're like me, it might make you want to cry), here's the name of a facebook group I noticed today: "IF I SPOKEN TO MY PARENTS HOW KIDS TALK NOW DAYS I'D BEEN KNOCKED OUT." I mean...sheesh. Really? Is it a joke? Did they mean to write so. very. incorrectly? Do they honestly - horror of horrors - not realize that this small sentence is fraught with error after error?

I weep for the English language.

Not really, but sometimes it feels like fighting it is pointless. But I will never give in! Or, should I say, in I will never give!

Hahaha.

(I think finals made me a little crazy. But some The Office tonight, plus pizza, and Sherlock Holmes, ought to restore my mental capacities. Or not.)

Pointless post with conclusion: I hate DC.

It's currently in the mid-80s here. 84 degrees inside my house, according to our thermostat. With humidity and whatnot, it feels like the upper 80s outside. Back home? It's in the 40s. Feels even cooler. I think, with it feeling hotter here and cooler there, it feels like it's approximately 50 degrees warmer here than there. Guess which one I'd prefer?

Hot weather does not make studying an easy thing. Especially for those of us who have such problems studying in the first place. Fail I am going to.

But at least I have good motivators in place to get through this week and three finals: the promise of a lovely cheese pizza, just for me (except by cheese I mean probably something with toppings, and by just for me I mean I think my other first year roommate and I are going to get one to celebrate being done together); drinking some kind of alcohol; watching some movie that has yet to be determined. On a Thursday night. With nothing but work the next day! Yay for just work! No homework! Wooooo!

I'm thinking about a Star Wars marathon this weekend, too. Because I can. (Well, if I can borrow the movies from my friend, which I'm sure I'll be able to do.) And I am SO. EXCITED. about it. Yes. Of course, I'm always slightly disappointed when I watch John Williams-composed movies, because the music is typically far and away better than the movie itself. But hey, yo, that's ok. It's Star Wars! Plus I sort of like Star Wars in part because it reminds me of my older brother, and I really love him.

Anyway. Super excited to be done for the summer. Even if the start of summer just means the start of endless more months stuck in DC. Hot, sticky, humid DC. Stink-bug-infested DC. (Seriously. Tonight, within a half-hour span, I killed THREE stink bugs. Two I flushed, one I sent down the sink - but regretted that one because I'm pretty sure it emitted a stink. They don't normally, that I've noticed, when I flush them. I just hate flushing a toilet like that three times in a row. That's a lot of water. But these things, man, they get under my skin. Thankfully not literally, because, um, gross. Two of tonight's were flying around, one of them for awhile and just bothering me like nothing else - circling around and around the light in the dining room where I'm trying to study. The third? Crawling up my leg. Yes. Disgusting. Actually, I think I killed a fourth earlier today, too. Sheesh. These things. I HATE THEM.)

Ahem, where was I? Oh yeah, looking forward to the summer. And all those lovely plans I have. Most of which probably won't come to fruition, but it's nice to plan, anyway. If nothing else, Chronicles of Narnia is definitely happening. For shizzle, yo.

Man, though, sometimes I get so overwhelmed with I-Hate-the-City-itis. Like right now. I really kind of want to start getting back into running this summer. Hot, muggy, humid though I know it'll be. But I hate hate HATE running along streets/busy areas. And I happen to live in a big city, so you do the math. There's a little trail down the road a bit, which is doable, but it's like a 5 minute run to get there in the first place (and I am car-less), and it still kind of sucks anyway. I mean, I guess it's as good as I can get around here. Sigh. I'm just so used to Colorado, with open spaces aplenty. Gosh I miss it. And its non-humidity. I guess it wouldn't be as bad if I had a car and could drive somewhere a little bit away from the busyness of the city, but I don't. And poop on that, by the way. I feel so stifled by not having a car. My own fault for feeling that way, I know, but it sucks. At least I've had three roommates with cars this year. Next year, who knows. Two of those with cars are moving out, and the third might have a job which will require the daily use of her car if it's not easily metro-accessible. And who knows whether whatever girls we bring in will have cars. Bleh.

Can you tell my love affair with DC spring is over? There are still some azaleas, and other lovely flowers, but the high point is definitely over, and with the loss of the height of spring comes the reminder that DC summer is on its way and will be here soon, in full force.

Ok. Gotta get back into my happy place so I don't start despairing over being in DC. (I hate DC. I really do. Anyone who has questioned that recently, take note.)

BUT! School is almost over for the year! Yippee!

Gosh. I should probably go to bed soon. Negative feelings are overtaking me...slowly....slooooooowly.........NOOOOOOOOO. I won't give in. Positivity! Museums! An awesome (almost) full-time job! A summer without mandatory schoolwork! Movies! Missing friends and family! Oh, shoot, there goes the negativity coming in. I just can't help it. Finals week does not bring out the best in me. Nor does DC. I hate DC.

Lala. Ok. One of my profs just sent something of a study guide, which is amazing, and unheard of. Yay! I can't wait for Tuesday night at 7:30pm. I'll have finished two finals, and the third on Thursday shouldn't be too terrible, I don't think. And Tuesday night means LOST! And hanging out at the guys' house! It's fun to hang out with guys once in awhile. Quite different than girls. And the other girls who go are also fun, which is nice. So. Very much looking forward to an evening of unwinding Tuesday night, before I jump back in with the studying on Wednesday. Woo.

Also, I took an online personality test tonight (because I am nothing if not a procrastinator/ADD studier), and once again, I came out ISTJ. As per usual. I've gotten a different one a couple of times, or once at least, ISFP, but the other 80 times have been ISTJ. So. Yeah. This time it was 100% Introvert. Not that that's surprising to anyone.

SiIIiiiIiIIIIiiiigh.


This has been the most pointless post ever. And mostly just served for me to vent about DC. Which is going to be even more fun in the summer, as my dad reminded me, because: can you say mosquitoes? I had rather forgotten about that reality. I can managed to go much of the summer in CO without getting mosquito bites, even though studies have shown that mosquitoes have an affinity for Susie blood. I remember the evening we came to see the house all together for the first time, and sign the lease, and I was outside for all of five, ten minutes while we waited for our landlord to get here. I got three mosquito bites in that time. And what with all the moving in and the door being propped open and whatnot, the weekend we moved in I got a bunch more. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to that. I HATE DC. I mean, I'm here now, and yeah, whatever. But as soon as I can, I'm high-tailing it out of here. Please, God, let me high-tail it to somewhere with cooler, drier weather, and many fewer bugs! And mountains. I will accept: Colorado. Utah. Montana. Maybe Wyoming. Alaska. Maybe Idaho, although I know nothing about Idaho. Um...the end. (I'd really appreciate you giving me at least somewhere pretty when this is over with, ok God?)

Well. Seriously time for bed now. Done all the studying tonight that I'm going to. Cram time tomorrow! Woohoo!

Running through my head

I love azaleas. I'm going to post this picture even though it has nothing to do with anything. It just makes me happy to see them.

It's May. May 1. Can you believe that? I can't. What happened to April? It sure did go by quickly. I hope the summer goes by quickly, especially if I can't go home.

The good news about that (the work thing) is that they're letting us up our hours for the summer, so I'll be making almost twice as much per paycheck as I currently am, for the whole summer. Which will be approximately 12 weeks, assuming 2 weeks for being home. Yes yes, that'll be nice. And will be good for fewer loans this coming academic year. Which would be most definitely excellent. And maybe even give me the opportunity to get a car, which would be fantastic (but also would probably open a whole new set of problems, of course, because cars tend to do that - and it would also sort of negate the fewer loans thing). I must say, sucky as it'll be not to be home this summer, it'll be nice to be making more money than I ever have in such a short period of time.

I've decided it's a good thing there are no more weddings for awhile. Despite my best intentions, they really make me far more bitter than I want to be. I'm still (rather unsuccessfully) recovering from last week's. I had a lovely time, I'm so happy for them, and I'm glad I got to go, but sheesh. Nothing like going to six weddings in eight months - single every. single. time. - to make you feel rather down about your perpetually-single state.

But you know what? I'm single. That's what I am. I hope not forever; oh boy do I hope not forever. But for now, that seems to be the state in which God wants me. I think I still have a lot of growing to do. I just pray that he'll decide I'm ready before I become old and decrepit.

You know, way back when, probably in middle school, I used to dream about getting married on June 14, 2010. I've always liked round numbers, and 2010 is a good round number. And even better, that date is my parents' 30th anniversary, and I used to think that would be so cool, to be married on their 30th. Well, clearly that's not happening. (And, as it turns out, June 14 is a Monday this year, and who gets married on a Monday?) But the funny thing is, I used to dismiss this dream-date because it always seemed too far away; that I would be too old by then, and I hoped I'd be married well before 2010. Ha. Joke's on me, I guess.

But it's ok. It has to be ok. God has something great in store for me; I really do believe that. I don't know what it'll look like. I don't even know what next year will look like. I mean, seriously, I'm going to have to start thinking about looking for a job before too much more time has passed. Some of the current second years already had jobs before the end of first semester. Others didn't, of course; some still don't. Nothing's a guarantee. Luckily for me, I have no goals, so I can go anywhere. I mean, I'd rather say I can do anything, because we all know where I'd like to go. But I guess even in that, I can't say no to God if he has something else in mind for me that's not in Colorado. I hope he doesn't; he very well might.

But you know, point is, I don't know. I'm malleable. Maybe everything leading up to now, and whatever happens in the next few months/year/longer is setting me up for where I'm supposed to be. I'm sure it is. God brought me to ND for four years. I never wanted to go that far away, but that's where I ended up. It was hard being away from home, but I got to come back at every break, and for the whole of summers. And then I got to come back for a year, which was nice. I met great people and had great experiences. And then he brought me to DC; even farther away than ND. And now I might not even get the summer break to go back and recharge. Maybe that's because I need to get used to having my roots not so much in CO, and more elsewhere. (Not that I can ever really have roots other than where my roots are, but maybe I need to learn how to be not so attached to those roots.)

(But how could anyone not be attached to that???)

I don't know, though. Maybe this is just a temporary thing; I just need to get through this summer away from home, and the next school year, and then God will reward me by bringing me back there. Or maybe he'll reward me some other way. A way better than I can imagine, even though the best I can imagine is being back in Colorado.

I do wonder what I'm going to end up doing with this degree. I can't imagine going into a pastoral setting; I'm SOOOO not pastoral. All I really want to do is go climb mountains. Go work in Estes Park, even at some crappy touristy shop. Go work in a library somewhere. Seriously. What am I doing here? God is funny, sometimes. I'm sure I'm here because he wants me here. I just don't know why he wants me here. What's the point?

Well. All I can do is keep catching those bouquets. Maybe one of these days I'll catch myself a man, too. Haha. But if I don't, it's ok. I can always go move back with my parents. They don't seem in any great hurry to get rid of me. Maybe they are, maybe they will be one of these days. But for now, they still like me. And that's pretty cool. I like them too, so it works out. That's my backup plan if nothing else works out.

I mean, I wouldn't mind never having to say goodbye to this view again. I really quite very much enjoy it. And Pikes Peak never leaves or disappoints me. Of course, I don't have many expectations for it, other than "be there." And maybe "have good weather when I hike up you." Which I was really hoping to do again this summer, by the way, but which may not happen now. And I really wanted to hike other mountains, too. Sigh. I miss the mountains SO FREAKING MUCH. I miss RMNP. Gah. I wanted to go camping. But you know what? I don't always get what I want. And I shouldn't. I would greatly like that, I think, but in reality I probably wouldn't. Especially if what I want isn't what I need. And God knows (OHHH how he knows!) I have no idea what I really need.

I think I had a thread going in this post, something that was tying it all together, but...I completely lost it if that's the case. And these pictures, by the way, are incredibly random. In order of date taken (well, most of them are, anyway), but random to what I'm writing. I just felt like posting pictures. Why not, right? They're all great reminders of how blessed I really am. (It would be better if I had some of my family, but most of them are rather reluctant to have their picture taken most of the time. There's a reason I have so many nature pictures - nature doesn't care how it looks. And nature poses quite well.)

Anyway. So, life. It's quite interesting, isn't it? There's no point in trying to figure it out, because you never know where it's going to go. I mean, who'da thunk I'd get an internship with the USCCB pro-life office? A super-awesome job, by the way, which gives me the occasional free lunch, flowers and other goodies for various holidays, and allows me to go to things like fancy galas with yummy food and drinks and whatnot. Crazy. I am thankful for it. I do know how blessed I am, even though I haven't had "all my dreams come true." Does that ever really happen, anyway? I mean, I don't think that's even possible until we get to heaven. Good reason to strive to get there.

I really am happy. Even though I've been really bitter this week. I don't like being bitter. This is God's will for me right now, so what right do I have to be bitter about that? I don't get why it's so easy for some people, or why it seems so easy (nothing's ever as easy as it seems, I know). I don't get why some people meet the loves of their lives in high school. Or earlier. Why some people get married when they're 18, or 20, or right out of college, and some people can make it to their 25th birthdays (you know, for example) without ever having been in a relationship. But that's the way it is. God has different plans, different paths for everyone. Some people don't plan on getting married until their careers are established, until they're in their late 20s or later. And then they meet "the one," and get married right out of college. Some people have no real idea what they want beyond marriage, and don't meet the one for years. That's just the way it is. Oh well!

Sorry. It's just kind of ridiculous the number of people I know who are newly married/newly engaged/will soon be engaged. We singletons are becoming fewer and fewer. It's almost laughable. It's like, who's getting married or engaged this week? And it's wonderful, really it is. But let's face it; it can also be incredibly depressing for those of us who have NEVER EXPERIENCED anything even CLOSE to RESEMBLING that. (Not that I want to have a string of "experiences" or anything. But...it just does something to a girl when she's gone through so many years of life never feeling wanted, you know? "We want you!" says Mom. Well, that's great, but not quite the same thing. But most of you really don't know, and can't know, and I wouldn't really wish that on anyone. It kinda sucks, FYI. When I watch/read Anne of Green Gables, I just want to shake her and say "Do you know how lucky you are to have a great guy like Gilbert who wants you, and waits years for you to realize that you were meant to be together? Wake up! Stop telling him no! He's amazing, and he loves you!" Sure, there are good things about never having had that kind of experience, but there's a lot of heartache that goes with it, too. Heartache that, if left ignored for too long, can result in bursting into tears - but less dramatically - during a trailer for "Letters to Juliette," when that stupid Taylor Swift "Love Story" song starts playing, while sitting in the middle of a movie theater, because movies always involve unrequited love for part of the plot, and often it's the Boy chasing after the Girl and some of us have never really had the experience of being Chased by The One, and it's never, ever as easy as movies make it seem. I mean, you know, theoretically.) (And I might not know much, but I also know that relationships are also never as easy as movies make them out to be.) Ahem. Anyway. Lots of people getting engaged. Lots of people getting married. Starting to have lots of friends having babies. And me? Well, I hope to have a graduate degree in a year, so there's that.

But I do have pretty new dresses. I've gotten to wear them all in the last month, too, which is awesome. I love being a girl, I love wearing dresses. And skirts. (Side note: it took me 24 years to discover the AWESOME that are jean skirts. I bought two at Goodwill over spring break, both around knee length, and my goodness, I'm in love. They're casual, but they're also skirts, so they work for a great variety of situations. I probably wouldn't wear them to Sunday Mass, but they work for lots of other situations beyond that. And best part is, I don't have to worry about them flying up when there's a random gust of wind, or on a particularly windy day. Wind = nemesis. But not a big deal with jean skirts.) But dresses are a particular kind of extra-awesome.

("Someday My Prince Will Come" just played on my windows media player. I have my music on random, and have two CDs of Disney songs, one of which is apparently that one. Kind of amusing, eh?)

It's been super hot today. Well, not super hot. (Super hot will be tomorrow, with a high of 92, which should be fun considering today was less and it still got up to 80 inside our house...) But well into the 80s. And right now it's humidity in the 70%s. Ugh. I washed my sheets today, because it just felt like a good day to do it. I hope I don't sweat all over them because it's so hot in our house tonight. I'm quite looking forward to going to bed, though, because they smell nice, and they'll feel nice too. And that'll be nice. I need to clean my room once finals are over. Get rid of a bunch of crap. Make my desk usable again, for more than a storage space of random papers and odds and ends. It'll be nice to get that all cleaned again. Get rid of things. Clean things. Clear out. Yay.

Really, though, life's pretty fantastic. It's not exactly what I want, but it's what I have. God's given me a lot. A lot I didn't necessarily ask for, but that's ok, because he's a lot smarter than I am. And this summer? I'm going to squeeze whatever enjoyment out of DC I can get. I'm going to go to the museums, even if I have to go alone. I'm going to wander around the monuments. I'm going to...well, I don't know what else I'm going to do, because I don't know what else there is to do in DC that's enjoyable. Especially in the heat that is DC in the summer, which I am very much not looking forward to. Oh, I'm going to go to the National Archives. I have yet to go there, and go there I very much want to. If I live a whole summer in DC without going there, I'll just have to kick myself because, really? That will just be pathetic of me. No excuse not to go. So. I plan on having a good time this summer, or as good as is possible when there are no mountains around to hike, and no real nature to take in and enjoy and breathe. Sigh.

I will say this, though: I am sick of having to take self-portraits all the time. It's either I'm by myself, and take my own picture, or I'm with other people, but am the only one taking pictures (so I specifically have to say, hey take my picture, and then it's awkward because it's so fake and staged). Someday it'd be nice to go places with someone who enjoys taking pictures, too. Or I could just be ok with having no pictures of myself. They usually turn out badly anyway, me being as unphotogenic as I am. Ah, well!

Well, at the very least, I have her. Sweetheart that she is. And she even poses with me once in awhile. Because she is awesome, and such a good, good, good dog. Gosh I love her. A whole heck of a lot.