1500!!! (and one)

I just happened to check my published posts just now, and imagine my surprise when I saw that I was looking at "1-300 of 1500". I had forgotten I was getting close to the 1500 mark. And looks like my last post did it. Glad I checked tonight, so that I know. Because, you know, it's important.

Anyway. Dangit, I forget what I was going to post in the first place, because I did have something to mention tonight...

It wasn't this, but I just read this article. It'd be hilarious if it weren't so sad. That's one classy family right there.

And then there's this article. Goodness. Are these people real? Do people really do this stuff? It's all so bizarre to me. But what do I know, being the naive prude that I am. (Unfortunately not as naive as I'd like.)

I remembered. I think I need new glasses. Or I just need to stop wearing my glasses during the day, and stick to wearing them at night for the short amounts of time I need them before going to bed/after waking up, until contacts are back in. I think the pair I have is at least one or two prescriptions old (not that it's really that much different, but I just get irritated when I wear them. Both my eyes and my ears where they sit. Which is a different problem entirely, and one I also have with sunglasses, so I think that's just me). Unfortunately, I also will soon need a new set of contacts. I've actually stretched out my current supply longer than I would have had I actually gone by the "change every two weeks" thing I'm supposed to do. A lot longer, really. But unfortunately I don't have vision insurance anymore, and contacts/glasses aren't exactly cheap. They are necessary, though, so I'm gonna have to bite the bullet soon (at least with the contacts. Glasses aren't as imperative).

Anyway.

I also suspect I may be slightly lactose intolerant. But very mildly. And it could just be in my head.

Eighthly, I have five weddings I plan to be attending between the months of August and January. I've mentioned this before. Looks like I'll actually be in two of them. And chances are I'll be dateless for all of them, which I'm mostly ok with, but which, if I think about too long, is really pretty depressing. I've been dateless for every wedding I've ever attended, and I'm sure they'd all have been more fun had I had a date. Three of the upcoming are friends' weddings, which means I won't even have family members there to sit and not dance with. Hm. Hopefully all these friends have cute single friends of the male sex who will also be in attendance and dateless. And not picky. Haha.

Anyhoo.

I'm feeling not great. I need to get to sleep, firstly, and I need to put my contacts back in. But that'll wait until morning. And I hope that the glasses are the only culprit of the headache I currently have. (It could be - ack! - swine flu. You never know.) (And why do I keep spelling it "flue"? Every single time I write it, I have to delete an e.)

I hope tomorrow is better than today was at work. It seemed like I was having trouble finding at least one or two items for every single order I had to fill. It got to be very frustrating toward the end of the day. Especially when the conclusion was reached that said item is just plain missing. But it's also annoying to have to ask if someone else can find it because I simply can't. I just want to know where everything is, and have it be where it's supposed to be. It'd make my life so much simpler. But I'm not really complaining. I like this job. It's good for me. And super nice not to have to be sitting in front of a computer all day long, and to be able to be up and about and moving around much of the day. Good stuff.

Ok. Fading. Time to go.

Not the Notre Dame I know

Goodness I have so many thoughts rolling around in my head. (And there's not much else in there, so lots of room for those thoughts to roll.) Some aren't for this space.

But many include Notre Dame. You may or may not have heard that Mary Ann Glendon, who was to receive the Laetare Medal at Notre Dame's commencement this year, came out today with a letter of refusal. This is a big deal. The Laetare Medal is ND's highest honor, considered one of the oldest and most presitious awards to be given to an American Catholic, and Glendon said that, while she was thrilled to be chosen when she initially found out in December, since this whole Obama thing has happened things have changed. She started rewriting her acceptance speech. And then Jenkins/ND started framing it as "Sure, we're having Obama, BUT we're having Glendon!" So she started to feel like she was there to balance things out, and basically she said thanks but no thanks.

I don't see how Jenkins will survive this. It's really, really terrible, the whole thing. And he just keeps digging his heels in further and further, and I can't for the life of me figure out what the heck he's thinking anymore. It's turned my school further into a place to be denigrated by so many Catholics out there. And it hurts. It really, really hurts me. That place is so much a part of who I am today. So much a part of where I've been, what I've learned. It hurts to hear people gleefully saying "Take away their Catholic status! They have no Catholic identity! They don't care about Catholicism!" when the Notre Dame I know is so much different.

I have a confession to make. It's probably going to come out sounding terrible, and mean, and negative. But, because of the church I went to for the majority of my life, and maybe a little bit because my parents happened to be raised during a very liberal time in the church and thus didn't really know much better how to catechize us (and I'm not blaming them, and I have no hard feelings toward them, and they're wonderful examples for me and my siblings, but I think it's true of a lot of my friends' parents, and it's just the way things were - plus I'm sure us kids weren't a picnic to try to catechize and get excited about Catholic traditions), I think that had I gone to any other school, I would be more of a cultural/"cafeteria"/lukewarm Catholic than I am today. I completely credit Notre Dame for the solid, traditional, orthodox Catholic that I am. It is because of the examples of others at Notre Dame that I now wear a veil (and understand the teaching/reasoning behind it, although I'm bad at verbalizing that teaching to anyone else), that I receive the Eucharist on the tongue, that I go to confession at least once a month, that I love Latin and incense and tradition, that I fell in love with daily Mass, and so much more. Yes, I realize that it is possible that all of this could have happened had I gone to, I don't know, BC or Stonehill or anywhere else. But I didn't go anywhere else, and I don't really know if it would have happened had I gone somewhere else. All I know is that I went to Notre Dame, and became a much, much stronger Catholic than I probably would be otherwise.

And that's why this all hurts so much. It's like two parts of me are against each other. There's the part of me that thinks Jenkins/ND is an idiot for ever considering Obama in the first place, let alone awarding him an honorary degree. The part of me that hurts when Catholic teaching is challenged and called into question and outrightly gone against. And then there's the other part, the part that knows Notre Dame as the place where my Catholicism truly blossomed and grew and was formed into what it is now. Notre Dame is like a mother in that regard, or at least my avenue to the truth, to the true Mother Church. And the people who I hear calling for ND to have her Catholic title taken away are essentially telling me, at least somewhat, that my Catholic formation there was a fluke. That it doesn't really count. That my experience was in spite of rather than because of. And I know that's not true.

I'm trying to figure out an analogous situation to try to get across what I'm trying to say. I guess in a way it's like a member of the family who's fallen away. But even then that doesn't really get to the heart of it. I guess the thing is, Notre Dame has two identities right now. There's Jenkins/faculty/board, and there's Notre Dame itself, the solidly Catholic school that does so much good that never gets noticed. I read something over the weekend (it may have been a letter or something that Amy Welborn posted on her blog), something about how Notre Dame lately is all about making sure people know all the good "green" things that are going on there, all the good things that they're doing for the poor, for fighting disease/cancer/whathaveyou, that type of thing, but they never make it a point to talk about what they're doing for the unborn. (During football season, they have these "What are you fighting for" commercials, since we're the Fighting Irish and all, and they highlight someone or something that the school stands for, such as helping those in poor countries and fighting disease and stuff. But, as whatever I was reading pointed out, none of those ever end with "I'm fighting for the unborn.") And it's true. That stuff doesn't get reported very often for whatever reason. The traditional Catholic things that go on don't get reported very often, by the school or by Catholic media. But something like this, anything negative that the school does, it gets jumped on and becomes yet another reason that ND is "just like every other Catholic university in America" except those small ones that of course never have any controversy and from which only good comes. Not that I'm against those schools, of course, because they're great examples and reason to hope. But I hate that no one sees the good that comes from ND. And it's as much ND's fault as anyone else's. These days, they are so intent upon being respected by secular media and their "aspirational peers" which do not include other Catholic universities, that they're forgetting the very reason they existed in the first place. They were once the premier Catholic university. But now they're becoming just like everyone else, and I don't want that. I know Notre Dame is special. I want it to keep that identity. An identity that must include Catholic. Without that, what's the reason for going there? (Certainly not for the sports these days...)

Anyway. I think what it is, regarding this whole situation, is that it's like the entire world butting into one family's business. Of course, it's not exactly like that because Notre Dame has set itself up as being a premier Catholic institution, and thus susceptible to the scrutiny of the country/world at large, but so many people don't look any further than what they want to see about Notre Dame. It's not really their job to do so, especially because this Obama thing is so blatant and obviously over the line of what a truly Catholic university should do, and because so many people look to ND as exactly what it has been for so long - a place of Catholic thinking, a place to look to for advice and answers. But because of my associations with my school, it still feels like the majority of Catholics in America don't get what Notre Dame can be. What it really is in many quiet respects.

Of course, at the same time, I also feel incredibly betrayed by the administration of ND that has allowed this to happen. All of it. They're putting glory ahead of the school's Catholic identity, and it sucks. I read today that in the last few weeks, alumni of Notre Dame have committed to withholding $8.2 million so far until Jenkins is removed. That's a lot of money. There's a huge disconnect between the alumni, which is pretty conservative, and the faculty of the school, which is definitely not conservative. Clearly it's starting to become a problem, and the school is going to have to decide which side it wants to land on. It can't keep straddling both. It's become a question of which is more important - academic prestige or Catholic identity. Obviously one has to win out over the other. Not to say that a university can't be both, but one has to come out stronger. Right now it seems the powers-that-be are chosing academic prestige at the extreme detriment of the school's perceived Catholic identity.

This all hurts so, so much. Most people probably can't really understand. Most people probably fall into one of two camps: Those who are strongly Catholic and have no ties to Notre Dame, or those with ties to Notre Dame but who are either in support of the whole Obama thing or don't really care either way. (And of course there are those with no ties to ND/ and/or aren't Catholic, and who are very supportive of whatever Obama does. But those people don't really factor in here.)

I know it shouldn't be as big a deal to me as it is, but, well, it is. I love my school. I love it. So much. I wouldn't be who I am without having gone to Notre Dame. I love my faith. I love it. I wouldn't be who I am without that, either. But those two things are so tied. And right now, they're two things that are being ripped apart, it feels like. I want everyone to know the Notre Dame I know. I don't want that to be lost, and I fear that it is being lost, bit by bit (or even more than that).

If I were more prone to crying (judging by my mom, I'm sure I'll come around eventually), I would have cried at least a couple times today. It hurts me that much. Ridiculous as that may sound. It's not ridiculous to me. It's very, very real. Most people can say, without much problem, "ND shouldn't be called Catholic anymore." I can't say that. It's like giving up on a family member. It's like giving up on your own mother. I can see why people with no associations to the university, no attachment, no love, can say that. But it's not that simple. It's not that easy. ND is not just another university. It's not just another Catholic university that has given up its founding identity. It's special. It's Notre Dame. And I hate hearing people say that we should give up on it.

Anyway. For a few articles written by real people about this, look here or here, or check out Amy Welborn's blog for some thoughts/comments, or American Papist.

One of my daily stops, NDNation, has a temporary board set up for "Obama at ND". If you're ever bored. I was just looking through it tonight, and someone made a post saying that Jenkins is starting to sound more and more like Ramses in the Ten Commandments. And it's pretty true. Sadly.

I just read an article on NBC.com regarding this thing, and then for some reason decided to read a few comments. Apparently Glendon is being "childish" and "asinine" for refusing. Yeah. Sure. And of course everyone goes to the "I bet she supports torture and the death penalty and the war in Iraq too OMG" argument. Because if you are against abortion, you're automatically a Republican espoused to any and all issues that the Republican party may or may not support (ignoring, of course, the fact that many, many of the more powerful/popular/higher-up Republicans these days are in fact more on the pro-choice side of things). And, while the war and the death penalty and torture are denounced by the Church, to equate them with the complete and utter evil of abortion is not to understand what abortion is. People don't seem to get that by using the death penalty and Iraq as counter-examples to abortion, they make abortion less of an evil. It's overcompensation. People don't understand, first of all, just how overwhelming the number of abortions performed every. single. day. truly is. They also don't understand, second of all, that if we can't fight for the unborn in every single case, how can we really fight for any life?

Anyway. I'll end this post now, as I haven't really said much, and should stop dwelling on it for tonight. It'll still be there tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that? It'll be there.

Just...pray. Notre Dame needs prayers. Maybe this will end up causing the pendulum to swing the complete opposite direction, and somehow, miraculously, Notre Dame will realize the monumentally bad decision this was and will from now on choose Catholicism over academic prestige.

More miraculous things have happened.


Love thee Notre Dame.

In case you need a pick-me-up today

Like I do.

I give you...my ringtone:

Sweeeep

Boston just swept the Yankees tonight. That's pretty cool. Plus, this:



I learned about it on Facebook (was gone all night, plus we don't have ESPN anyway), but still exciting. Ellsbury is great.


Also: Today is April 26th. Almost May. Time for things to be blooming, sun to be shining, and weather to be warm, right? Well, today was a little chilly, but not bad. And then it got windy. And chillier. And then it rained. And then at one point I looked out the window at my friend's place, and oh, it's snowing, and there's already almost an inch out there. The drive home was interesting - a lot worse up north, where said friend lives, but by the time I got near my neighborhood, it was more like rain. There is some snow on things, but not as much. But yeah. Interesting driving...it's very, very, very wet and heavy snow, which means it was just piling on my windshield as I drove and the wiper was starting not to be able to go back down all the way...and I'm pretty sure my headlights were covered to some degree, because the road was dark. Yeah. Interesting. But hey, since when do I complain about precipitation of any kind? It's great! April in Colorado. Snow is never out of the question. (Sophomore year of high school, we had snow on the last day of school. May 24th or something like that. That was a little weird.)

"Describe your perfect date."

"Hm...that's a tough one. I'd have to say...April 25th. It's not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket."


Man that never gets old.

Read it.

My goodness, but I sure do like this post by Fr. Z.

And, it goes without saying (that's for you, Cathy - friend, not sister), I happen to be in strong agreement.

Who knows where my mind goes.

I could happily while away the hours of each day taking pictures of Pikes Peak and surrounding Colorado scenery. Seriously. Clouds, mountains, trees, rocks. It would be fantastic to do that for a living. (Can you imagine being a National Geographic photographer? Man. That would be one sweet job.)

I wish I had a better camera for the times I do get to take pictures of my lovely mountain. Mine's fine, and everything, and nice because it's sort of small (unlike the better cameras which tend to be bigger. I think. I really don't know much about cameras), but I can't really get those great pictures with it. (I do always have it on me, though. You never know when a photo op will happen. When the sun will hit a particular cloud just right, or when there'll be some gorgeous bird perched on a branch.) So if anyone ever wanted to get me a great gift, and spend a lot of money on me, that person could definitely get me a top-of-the-line digital camera.

Anyway.

Also, read this. I enjoyed it. But then, of course I would. (Except for the part where it mentions my school. But I don't enjoy that because it's true. My school is the shame of American Catholicism right now. Well, American Catholicism that is actually faithful, anyway. I don't like it. Not one bit.)

I'm sad I don't really talk to three of my best friends from the high school days anymore. We were in youth group together at church, and had lots of great times together during high school, which naturally grew more infrequent once we headed off to separate colleges. These days I'm still on at least pretty good terms with two of them (although I think I have next to nothing in common with one, anymore, and the other is sadly away in California most of the time - but we do still manage to keep in touch from time to time, and I always see her when she's in town). One, who oddly enough is the only one still living in the Springs, I haven't talked to in months. She went to France last summer, and since she got back I think I saw her once, briefly. I tried getting together with her several times, but it never worked out and she didn't seem too interested in it anyway. Not enough to make it work out. Or even to return a message. It's really sad. I don't know what happened - it's like we hit a point and everything just broke apart. I guess we stopped being that important to each other, or at least some of us. I hate that it happens. But I guess that's a part of life, isn't it? Can't hold on to people forever.

So, instead, I'll move to DC. That'll show 'em. With any luck, I'll make some new friends out there. Of course, none can replace the great memories I have with the girls mentioned above (and, like I said, I'm not on bad/nonexistent terms with all three of them), but who knows what the future holds, right?

Going (to DC, away from here) will be good for me for more than one reason. That's for sure.

Maybe I'll watch National Treasure this weekend. It's at least partly in DC, right?

Ugh.

Great.

I guess it all works out in the end.

I got back a little while ago from taking the NM (that'd be Nutmeg, fyi) for a walk with Mom and Tom. Except it was a short-lived walk - not even a quarter done, she noticed there were deer somewhere nearby (she must be able to smell them really really well or something - she can always tell when there are deer close, much sooner than I can see them), and started trying to lunge forward to get away from the leash that I was apparently not holding very well. I mean, I must have been switching it between hands or something at the same time she did one lunge (she had already done a few), and she got away. and the minute she realized the leash was slack, she just bolted after those deer (which we had spotted by this point - but only barely, and we had no idea how many there were because it was getting dark). Seconds later, several deer, and Nutmeg, were completely gone. And then I saw a couple deer going from one side of the sidewalk to the other, back and forth, but no sign of the Meg. She has a couple of tags on her collar, so she always makes a good jingle when she's nearby, and it was just quiet. So I kept walking the direction I could only assume she had gone (but really, I had no idea, because SHE WAS CHASING RUNNING DEER), the same way we'd still normally go if we were actually, you know, going for a walk. Eventually, I heard those jingles coming my way, and here comes Nutmeg bolting back on the sidewalk toward me. And then we went home. A very short walk (for us humans - Mom had gone back home to get a flashlight, and Tom had gone back the way we walked in case she had run up the hill to the deer and then gone back that way), but Nutmeg sure did get a good run.

Man, it was a little weird, though, with those deer. I really like when we see them when we go for walks, because I love seeing animals that aren't domestic animals like dogs and cats, but I never get too close because I'm always afraid they'll charge me or something. But this time, I couldn't see where they were, and I had no idea how many there were, and I didn't know if they'd charge me (or if they had managed to do something to Nutmeg, although I didn't really think that was too likely). And at one point when one crossed the sidewalk a little ways in front of me, coming out of the shadows on one side and back into the shadows on the other, it sort of reminded me of the Lion King - that scene with the wildebeasts, when Simba is trying to find his dad and he hears something running, and it's one random lone wildebeast who just completely missed the memo. Anyway.

I'm obviously very glad Nutmeg found her way back. And wasn't maimed by deer. Especially because it would have been exceedingly difficult to find her with it already dark and getting darker. But man, she's definitely got her stubborn/bad dog streak I need to try to break. I guess it's natural for dogs to go after things like that, but it'd be really great if she would just stop and come back to me the second I call her name. Is it really possible to train dogs that well? I mean, in the end, they are still animals. I do need to work on that more, though, regardless. And earlier tonight, she got her front paws up on the counter and started helping herself to some cake we had sitting on the counter. Had been covered by saran wrap, but we must have forgotten to put that back on when we had some a little earlier. So she got a little of that until I came downstairs (I was up there for like three minutes, and Tom was still sitting on the couch down here - and had he noticed, he could have easily seen her doing that, so it was quite bold of her) and yelled. And then she was all submissive and "oh I'm sorry please just love me". And like ten minutes later, after we had cut off the part she ate from and put the saran wrap back on, and with Mom sitting at the computer not five feet away from where the cake was, she was about to jump up and try it again! We made our "that's bad" noise some more, and she was all "love me" again, and yeah. So, sigh. She's done that once before, actually, when we had some turkey or chicken sitting on a platter on the counter after dinner, before it got put away. I guess she's still a scavenger at heart. We do feed her well, I promise, but she's a dog - and one who's been a stray, who probably didn't know when her next meal would be at times. Hm. Anyway. She still needs some training, obviously.

It's amazing to realize just how much God loves us. And how, even when we don't see it and instead act like rebellious teenagers who think their parents are stupid and just don't understand, God's there guiding us, understanding even more than we ourselves understand, and helping us get to a place that's far better than we could have ever imagined.

Lately, I've been wanting to write a lot, but I never really say anything. (I mean, I still manage to write a lot, of course, because, well, that's me - but none of it really means anything.) I'm just so oddly happy, in a way I haven't really felt in a long time, and I want to share it. But it's not something that can really be shared in the ways I'm trying. It just doesn't seem to work. So I'll just be happy, and that'll be that. Life's not all roses, of course, and there are things I would still like to be better in my life. (Three guesses as to what one of those things is.) Mostly, though, I just wish everyone else close to me could find the same amount of happiness and...rightness that I am feeling these days. Seriously, that would make me happier than like anything else.

Also: I need to stop telling myself that, when I get tired at 9:30, it's too early to go to bed. Because then I stay up until midnight. And what sense does that make? None at all, my friends. None at all.

Thankful.

I am so blessed, you know that?

God is amazing. Even when things don't work out the way you think they should, it all works out even better than you'd be able to imagine.

I am very, very, very lucky. I really am.

So it begins

Oh, and also, one more thing.

There's a chance that I may be going to up to five different weddings between the months of August-January. Maybe. I think up to this point, I've been to...six total that I can remember - four cousins and two siblings. I may be forgetting a cousin or something. And that's over, like, my whole life. But I guess once you hit a certain age, all your friends start to get married. And some more cousins. (I have a lot of cousins. Haven't been to many of their weddings, because it's hard to get out to the east coast that often.) So I'm in a friend's wedding in August (technically two friends, who happen to be marrying each other, both of whom I happen to like immensely). This'll be the third wedding I'm in...uh-oh. (You know, three times a bridesmaid, never a bride. Although technically the first time I was the maid of honor, so...technicality?) Then I have a cousin getting married in September, which originally I wouldn't have gone to but it's in DC, and I'll be in DC, so I'm there. And another cousin in October (the first wedding on my Dad's side, I think - funny because the other cousin is on my mom's side, and it's pretty much one of the last cousins to get married, sorta), which I hope to go to, but it's in Mass. which, despite my belief that everything on the east coast is only a two hour drive from anything else, is a bit far from DC. But I'd really like to go to it if I can. Two more friends are getting married in December (that one is here, so it'd require a plane ticket, assuming I'm invited, which I hope I am, because I like them and it'd be fun to go to). And two more friends, very recently engaged, are now hoping to get married in January, if possible. Again, here. And I very much like them, too, so I'd also hope to be able to go to that one.

That's a lot of weddings, people. And at least a few of my other friends out here are probably pretty close to getting engaged, but who knows. And I have a friend from school who I'm surprised isn't engaged yet, so who knows when that'll happen. But I think most of my other best good friends from college aren't anywhere near marriage yet. I wonder why that is. All my friends here are in relationships, practically, and very few of my friends from college are currently in relationships. Maybe it's something about Colorado. Or, probably more accurately, maybe it's something about Notre Dame people...we're too awkward to be in relationships. Hahaha. Definitely true in my case. But I am very casual acquaintances with a number of people from ND who are in serious relationships/engaged/married. Maybe it's just the people I chose to hang out with. Something about us...hm.

Anyhoo, weddings up the wazoo coming up!

First day

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate coming up with titles? I'm just no good at it. In case you couldn't tell...

Anyway, so today was my first day doing my new job by myself (without the person I replaced there to help me out, as she was last week). It was tough, because Mondays always have the most orders, and I had a little bit of catch-up to do from Friday when we left after only like three hours, and I didn't have another person there helping me out, and I'm slower than she was because I still don't know where to look for everything for the orders and whatnot. And I still have to get more comfortable with the whole thing. But I feel like a failure because I didn't get everything done...not nearly. Sigh. I'm gonna go in early tomorrow so I won't be so behind. And maybe we'll have fewer orders tomorrow (I guess it's a pretty even slope the way the orders go down from Monday to Friday), so I'll be able to catch up completely. Sigh. Oh well. It's all good. I hope.

The only thing is, since last week the knot in my right shoulder that's been bothering me since 7th grade (which, I just realized tonight, is now ten years), which tends to flare up when I have extra stress and/or heavy bags to carry around, has been bothering me more. Sigh. It just doesn't go away. But it's really not all that bad. I mean, I've been dealing with it for ten years, so it must not be that bad, right?

Temps this week are crazy nice. 70s the rest of the week. And maybe longer. Mmm.

I've decided the show Monk is pretty good. I only watch syndicated reruns on the weekends, when I catch them, and only recently, but it's always entertaining.

I learned on Jeopardy tonight that Green Eggs and Ham was written because someone (I forget who) bet Dr. Seuss that he couldn't write a book using only 50 (different) words. That is tres amusing to me. (I just wikipediaed it: it was his publisher, who bet him $50.) That whole section about the book is pretty interesting, actually. Well, to me. Which means it's probably not, because I'm pretty boring.

So, today is the 10th anniversary of Columbine. Hard to ignore, especially here - CBS has been running some "In Memory" commercial all night, and of course it's been the top story last night and tonight on the news. It's weird that it's been ten years. The whole thing is weird. And sad, of course. And all that stuff. But at the same time, I wonder - what's so special about 10 years? Why do we put these milestones on 5 and 10 and 25 years? I mean, I know why we do, but...what makes ten years more special than 9 years, or 11 years? I do it too, but it's weird. (Of course, I've also picked up this thing from my dad - I don't set alarm clocks or microwave times or anything like that for even numbers anymore. It's always like 1:37, or 7:16, or something like that. Weird for someone like me who very much like symmetry.) Anyway. So, Columbine. Sad. Bad day. I can't really say anything that'll make much sense or mean anything about it. So, whatever. I do remember that day, though. I had to go to the eye doctor after school (I think I was getting contacts for the first time that day - or I was getting them checked after recently getting them) (which also means I've been wearing contacts for ten years now. Hm, maybe it's the contacts that give me the knot in my shoulder...). I watched all the coverage when I got home from school, and then in the van on the way there (we had a conversion van that had a TV/VCR in it). And probably more when I got home, too. I was annoyed that they hadn't mentioned it at all at school that day. I later remembered a couple of my teachers talking about something sort of mysteriously, like we weren't supposed to know about what they were talking about, and I figured out that's probably what it was. I really disliked that they didn't tell us anything, either that day or later. Just like sophomore year, when 9/11 happened, and they made an announcement about teachers not letting it disrupt classes, and we should just continue on, blah blah blah. Come on, people, our country was attacked, let us talk about it! Ugh. Anyway.

So, yeah. There's that.

And there's been a lot of murder-suicides lately. It's like...every day. Or every day there's some house with four or five people found killed inside. What is going on? Has this always been the case? Or is it worse lately?

We live in a sad, scarred, crazy world. Too many people giving in, not enough people fighting to keep what's right.

Anyway.

I will go to bed on time tonight. I will.

Nutmeg! And Pikes Peak! And Colorado!

Apparently today is the anniversary of the selection of Cardinal Ratzinger as Pope. It was a pretty exciting day when that happened - I think it was a Tuesday. I watched it happen on EWTN in my dorm room (I must not have had class at the time it was announced). Fr. Neuhaus and Raymond Arroyo were very excited about it, as was I. I went to the bathroom at some point following, and could hear the Basilica bells ringing through the open window. Great stuff. Great day. I miss those Basilica bells. Sigh. Churches out here don't have bells. It's sad. Anyway. That was an exciting day.

Ummmmm...I had something else. But it's gone now. So, here, have some pictures. (Ok, a lot of pictures.)

She fell asleep with her face like this against the crate. It was cute.

There's a storm a-comin'!

Aaaand now it's here.

Nutmeg likes it.

But she'll like anything if she just gets lovings.

Pretty April snowstorm. Snowing on one side, blue sky on the other.

Love it.

Pikes Peak is so so so great when so snow-covered like this. And this is one of my favorite shots - a black-and-white looking Pikes Peak in the background with green-and-tan Palmer Park in the foreground(ish). I get to see this every day driving to work. And other places. It makes me so happy.

I could take shots of Pikes Peak all day and not get bored.

And this dog. She's getting better at posing. Look at that face.

I love the mixture of desert and mountain. That's why this state rocks.

Sometimes, I like to take pictures of myself. (If I don't once in awhile, there'll never be any pictures of me!) I attempted (and failed) to get Pikes Peak in the background. Oh well.

Also: mountainy area rocks are fun to take pictures of.

It looks a lot farther away in the picture than in real life...

This one's a little better.

Two of my favorite things to take pictures of!

So, there you go. Seriously, you should see how many pictures I took today. I'm so grateful for digital cameras. They rock. Especially for people like me who can take the same picture of Pikes Peak time after time after time, from the same spot, and still love it. And pet pictures. I love taking pictures of my pets. As anyone who knows me, knows well.

Anyway. I don't have anything to say. Sorry.

Thinking.

Apparently I'm not very good at this blogging thing after the Lenten break. I just don't think to update very often, or don't think something is worth an update (funny, because during Lent I would always think of things I wanted to post, but was unable to. Like the awful migraine I got Tuesday of Holy Week, which I believe is partially to blame on me deciding to give up coffee for Holy Week and thus having no caffeine on Monday. Woke up Tuesday with a killer headache. Ended up throwing up before I took my shower, so I took three excedrin, emailed work and told them I'd be in a little late. Laid in bed/slept for about an hour, woke up feeling amazing, finished getting ready, and got to work only an hour late. Felt quite a strong affection for Excedrin all day).

Anyway. Guess there hasn't been much to talk about this week that's of interest that I haven't already covered. Oh well.

Australian Cattle Dogs rule all.

Thundersnow is fun.

We've probably gotten at least double, if not triple, the amount of snow we had the entirety of the winter season (even if I stretch the "winter season" to include all of December, when we got the most snow) since spring officially started. And that includes this storm yesterday/today, where some parts of the county apparently had 1-2 feet when all wass said and done today. Hard to tell how much we got here, because at some points yesterday it would stop snowing for a bit, start melting, then snow more. Very wet though, which is great. And it hasn't even been that cold - probably mostly above freezing most of the day yesterday, and definitely today. And oh my goodness, the mountains look beautiful today. I finally got a glimpse of them this evening, after they had been covered by clouds and fog and such since Thursday night. They're all snow-covered and lovely. I couldn't really see a lot of Pikes Peak still tonight, because there were still some clouds, but I could see the lower mountains and foothills. Goodness they're gorgeous when they're covered by fresh snow. A lot of that will be gone tomorrow (most of the snow in the city is already gone). And this whole coming week is supposed to be upper 60s Monday, and then in the 70s the rest of the week. It'll be lovely.

DC is calling my name.

After some consideration, I'm thinking an apartment will be more desirable than living in a room in a convent. The latter would probably be safer, not to mention somewhat easier, but I have to live in a "real" place one of these days, right? Not to mention it'll be easier to house guests I might have if I'm in an apartment. Anyway. Plus, so far one of the convent places I contacted is already filled for next year, so they might all be. ("All" being like, two or three. Including the one I contacted so far.) But I don't know. I'm not sure I want to be by myself, but I also don't know how I'd find a roommate if I go the apartment route. Plus, goodness DC is expensive. And it's hard to tell from a website how sketchy the cheaper apartments are. Not to mention not being able to see the surrounding area. Apparently Mom is planning on taking a couple day trip to DC right after the 4th of July. I might go with her to look at apartments and stuff. We'll see.

Even though homework is never fun, I'm excited to be studying theology again. And I'm hoping I'll be more motivated to do assigned reading and such, because it's something I'm quite interested in (and would like to be better-versed in).

Man, this whole thing still seems crazy. Just over a week ago, this was not in the plan. Just over a week ago, I was going to be here for at least another year. But here we are, just over a week later, and I'm going to DC for two years. And after that, who knows where I'll be. It's still so bizarre, but it still feels so right. And that makes me happy. This is all so weird. It's different from going to college, because that's just the natural progression of things, in many cases. Graduate from high school, head off to college the next fall. That was always my intended path, anyway (if it wasn't, all those hours and all that stress from being in "gifted" and college prep programs in middle and high school would have been a waste, right?). But after college, it's kinda a crapshoot. Sure, there are those people who have wanted to be doctors or lawyers since they could talk, or at least since they got into college. There are people who have definite paths laid before them. Then there are the rest of us, forced to leave a place we loved, where we laughed and cried and grew, into a world unfamiliar, not sure where we're going next. We have to get jobs (or at least attempt it) because what else is there to do? So we work, and try to figure out where we want to be next year, in five years, in ten. Hopefully we can figure it out - or at least enough to make the next step. Well, DC is my next step. I always thought that I'd be married by now (silly, considering I didn't get my first boyfriend until after I graduated). And even just a few days ago, if you asked me what I would choose if "the one" came up to me tomorrow and asked me to marry him, and not go to DC, I probably would have picked that over grad school. But all of a sudden, I'm realizing that this is my path. It's without a doubt what I'm supposed to do, and where I'm supposed to go.

After that, it's all God's call. But then, it has been this whole time. This is what he wants me to do. And I think, he knows that I'm so weak that if someone came along to sweep me off my feet, I'd choose that over what God wants. So he hasn't given me the opportunity to make the wrong decision. Sure, I'm sure another path (should the opportunity have presented itself) could have worked out great. But maybe not as great as this one will. Who knows where it'll take me, but I think I have a pretty good guide leading the way. And it's exciting - and very freeing to let go of the whole relationship thing. Who knows - someone great could be waiting for me in DC.

Anyhoo. Enough about that, right? I mean, I know it won't be perfect. And who knows, I might even hate it. But it's where I'm supposed to go. It's nice to know that, for once. It's nice to know where I'm supposed to be. (And I'm really anxious to get out there! Of course, not anxious to say goodbye to some things and people here, but...can't ignore God's call, right?)

I don't really have much else to talk about these days...most of this past week I've been primarily doing my new job at work. It's been going pretty well, I think. Leslie (who I'm replacing) had her last day yesterday (which was cut short by like five hours because we went home early due to the snow, yay), so I start all by myself on Monday. It'll be fine, I'm sure. An adjustment, of course. I just hope there isn't much lag time due to my still learning it. But anyway.

I saw Benjamin Button tonight at the dollar theater. It was weird. One of those movies I can't decide if I like or don't like. So that means I probably won't go out of my way to see it again. Oh well.

Man, these recent posts are just all rambly. But I guess that's nothing new.

A whole new world

I'm actually starting to look at housing options and such tonight. I know, what a novel idea, right? To be fair (to me), it's been about...four days since I really decided I'm gonna do this. So it's not like I've been sitting on this for weeks on end. But perhaps I should have already started looking (seriously) at this. It just seems like I don't have enough information even to start, which isn't really true. I mean, what do I need to figure out before looking? Knowing if I'll have a roommate might be a start, except I don't know anyone who would be my roommate, thus if I do have a roommate it'll be if someone out there is looking for a roommate. Anyway. CUA has some off-campus housing help, which is nice, and they have some listings on their site for places near the university. That's another thing I have to figure out - do I want to live close to school, or in a residential area not necessarily in DC? My first thought is close to school. There are a few convents that offer some rooms to students at the JPII Institute that are like a 10 minute walk from school, which would be good. It'd be interesting to live in a convent thing like that. Probably a lot like a dorm, but different. Would I want to do that? Or do I want to get away from that and live in a house or apartment? (The site at CUA has some listings for rooms in houses where, presumably, other students live.)

So. It's all crazy. But I need to figure that out because I'll need to know what kind of furniture, if any, I'll have to bring with me. One of those convent places is like $500 a month for a single room, breakfast and dinner, laundry, cable, a shared kitchen, etc. Seems like a pretty good deal, if I want to go that route. I have to see if they have rooms available, though. And there's still the Nutmeg question, too.

Soooo...anyone wanna find me a place in DC? I think the closer to school, the better.

Also, unrelated, did you know that, in addition to speaking at Notre Dame's graduation this year, Obama is also speaking at ASU's? Did you further know that ASU is not giving him an honorary degree? Because: " "It's our practice to recognize an individual for his body of work, somebody who's been in their position for a long time," Sharon Keeler, an ASU spokeswoman, told The Associated Press. "His body of work is yet to come. That's why we're not recognizing him with a degree at the beginning of his presidency." "

That's right. Notre Dame gives him an honorary degree for...why? His work in racial equality? (He hasn't done anything! He was just elected the first black President. A great thing, of course, but really doesn't exactly count as doing work for racial equality or anything like that.) His great actions as president so far? (Many of which have been laws that go against waht the Catholic Church teaches.) His books he's written? (Two autobiographies.) Come on, Notre Dame. Get it together. ugh. He's accomplished nothing but managing to get a bunch of Bush-haters who, frankly, would have voted for a paper bag over anyone related to the Republican party, to vote him into office. Oh, and he got a dog. Which, apparently, is big enough news to be a top news story the past few days. I just get such a foreboding feeling every time I read a speech he gives. I don't know. I just hope he doesn't end up as big a failure as I fear, because that would be quite bad for the country if he does.

Also really sad: I read the other day that China has 32 million more boys than girls under the age of 20. But, of course, abortion is freedom for women, right? Even though it's killing millions of girls in China (and elsewhere). And it's forcing those women to "choose" to kill their unborn daughters. So, so sad.

I'm so excited to study what I'm going to be studying. Maybe I'll get to a point where I actually feel confident enough to debate the issues with people, and to sound competent and coherent when discussing these things. That'd certainly be a change.

I am so lucky. So lucky to have gotten that scholarship. I mean, sure, I'll have lots of other expenses, and will probably add on to my current loans by several thousand dollars a year, at least (depending on how frugal I can be/if I get a job/how much things actually cost), but I have $14000-some that I don't have to worry about. (This year, anyway - the scholarship is renewable, but I'm not sure if they will make me re-apply, or if they'll reassess where I am for next year. Although if anything I'll need it even more next year.) It's such a blessing that I've actually been somewhat flippant about, more than I should. See, in my mind, this is how the whole thing has gone: Susie applies to school, applies for scholarship. School gets application, and decides to accept, because not that many people apply anyway. School grants scholarship, because again, not that many people apply. So basically I'm just thinking in my head that they don't turn anyone away, and don't turn down scholarship apps for most. I'm basing this on nothing, of course, except my own lack of confidence. I guess the fact that I have no idea how many people are actually in this program has something to do with it - what if there's like twelve people, and maybe fifteen apply each year? Obviously that's not the case, and I know that. I'm being ridiculous, as I often am. I'm just so good at it. They must have seen something in me that they thought would fit well in the program, and that's why I got in. I got in because of me. (And, obviously, of course, God.) I got the scholarship slightly because of me, and slightly because I just don't have money. And that's ok too.

I'm excited. I have no idea what this will be like - I don't even know what the school looks like! I know what a very small part of the CUA campus looks like, but that's about it. Oooh so scary. But man. I'm excited. I had a sort of down day today (highs are almost inevitably followed by the lows, right?), especially because I just feel awful about everything with work (this wouldn't be a problem had I figured out sooner that I needed to go to grad school, and thus wouldn't have even requested to change positions at work), but in the end, things worked out the way they did, and I just have to go. There's no way around it. I can't stay here, and I can (and do) feel guilty, but it'll be ok. Life will go on. And while it sucks to train two different people for the same job in such a short period of time, I guess...it could be worse? Maybe? Somehow? I don't know. All I know is I need to do this. God needs me to do this. I made the wrong choice in March (pre-acceptance), and earlier this month (pre-scholarship), but I finally got to the right choice. Even if it sucks for a little while. I work for (and with) such good people, everyone. Really. They're just terrific, and I wish I could do more for them. Unfortunately, a lot of the time I feel more like a hindrance than a help to the success of the company. I do try, though, really I do. Sigh. I've been so blessed to be able to work there.

Oh, plus, I'm really really going to hate leaving my friends from the young adult group. Man they're great people, and I'm so blessed to have been a part of that group this past year. Hopefully they'll all still be here when I get done, and when I (hopefully) move back here again. Or somewhere near the Springs, at least. At least Facebook and email will still work, right?

Anyway.

Ha, and completely unrelated, but we finally hooked up the digital converter box to our main TV last night. And when I say we, I mean it was done at some point by my brother/dad when I was gone last night. So far, color me unimpressed. Maybe the picture is clearer, but the few things I've tried to watch since it was hooked up, it's been off and on like watching a scratched DVD. Pretty much unwatchable. Irritating in the extreme. Much worse than a bit fuzzy picture. Maybe getting a special digital antenna will help, but who knows. I haven't gotten a box for my (13 inch tube) TV upstairs. Don't know if it's worth it. I mean, I do like watching shows up there once in awhile, especially for a few minutes before I go to bed, but do I want to spend however much a box costs after the coupon, plus, apparently, a digital antenna, so I can watch syndicated shows at night on my old TV? Not so sure. Oh well.

Hey, guess what? I'm excited to start my new DC phase of life. Something else I thought of this morning: I will be able to visit my life-long favorite (non-domestic) animal. The first time I ever got to see one in person was the summer between 7th and 8th grade, when my family drove to California for a couple of weeks, and we visited the San Diego Zoo one day. (And what a line we had to wait in!) Goodness, they're cute animals. Also: FREE. How is it possible that the Smithsonian stuff is all free? It's so amazing! I love it! My goodness. So great.

Maybe one of these days all this...whatever will die down a bit, and I'll post the stuff I had brewing from the last week of Lent. Kinda all got thrown to the backburner when I decided to do this. I still can't believe it's happening. I can't wait to get my registration packet and whatall else I'll get from the school when they get my acceptance letter (of their acceptance). Twas faxed Monday, which was a holiday for them (Catholic places are great - they get Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Monday off). I would assume it'll include things like the academic calendar and such. That'll be exciting to see.

Ok. Done talking about this. And whatever else I talked about. I don't even know.

This is why being an overthinker is not good

The fears, the doubts, the realities are starting to creep in. Or, should I say, crowd in. Yell in. Barge in.

I've thought about this. A LOT. As in, like, ALL THE TIME for the past few weeks. And then some. I mean, I don't want to live in DC. It's big. And scary. And crowded. And there's lots of crime. And I'm a vulnerable naive girl. (Although, usually pretty self-aware, and aware of my surroundings, and also pretty cynical about people.) (Plus, I'm not exactly tiny, which I would hope could work in my favor. It's gotta be good for something, right?) And it's far away from Colorado, and my family, and my friends here, and everything I'm used to. Colorado Springs to ND/South Bend isn't exactly a huge change, really. I mean, if anything, it's pretty much the opposite of Colorado Springs to DC. So this is completely scary.

And how am I going to pay for things? And how am I going to have time for things? I've never been the most dedicated student (at least, at college), which I'm pretty sure won't fly in grad school like I could get away with in undergrad. (At the same time, though, this happens to be a subject that I can't quite ever get enough of, which will hopefully work well for me and productivity.) But if I have school, and then get a job (which will probably be important for that "paying for things" worry), how will I have time for Nutmeg? Assuming, of course, I can get a place that'll allow dogs. I really hope I can. (Although a part of me wonders if she'd be happier here with Dad, and in Colorado, and with a backyard. Things might have/would have been different with Hazel, I think. I felt a lot more connected to her. And maybe it's my imagination, but I'm pretty sure Hazel liked me more than Nutmeg does. Man, I miss Hazel. And for some reason, I really was missing her tonight, when I was sitting in training class with Nutmeg. I still hate that she's gone. Sigh. For some reason, the almost three months that she's been gone seems a lot longer than the almost two and a half months I've had Nutmeg.)

It's just all such a completely huge change. So different from everything I'm used to. And I hate change. And I keep thinking about all these things, all these reasons not to go, and all the reasons it would be so much easier and nicer and...whatever to stay here. Even though I know that this is the right choice. I know it. I just keep thinking, and thinking gets me nowhere but confused. I think too much. I'm too analytical about things. It's why I can never make a decision. Thinking about decisions can be good, weighing the options and the choices and whatnot. Trouble is, sometimes it requires a leap of faith, a suspension of logic, emotion. I'm not an emotional person, except in the wrong ways - the emotion that most often rules me is guilt, and worrying about other people and not hurting them (or not wanting them to think badly of me). And that doesn't usually end up well for me and my life, if I let that feeling rule.

Anyway, this whole thing is seriously terrifying. But I still know it's right. I'm still excited. There's a part of me that's always wanted to live on the East Coast again (because I did from the ages of 0-3.5), always wondered what it's like. And I'll be able to experience something most people get to experience a lot - extended family at least somewhat nearby. Within mostly reasonable driving distance. I think I'll be about 3-4 hours away from my grandpop and his wife, and a couple of my aunts, and then a few more hours away from other relatives. That'll be fun, I think, to be so much closer to them. And, of course, Peter and Sara - how bizarre that I'll be close to my brother who just moved so far away.

And DC. The history! I love history! When I went to DC in Jan 08 for the March for Life and got to sightsee for about a day and a half, I didn't even get to see half of the Smithsonian, let alone all the other countless sights there are. Museums! They probably have a great symphony out there, too. Etc. Maybe I'll pass the President on the street some random, rainy day. (haha.) Ah, see, now I'm thinking about it and getting excited again - thinking about the positive.

I know this is right. I just need to stop thinking so much. Girls shouldn't think so much anyway. Hahaha. Seriously, I am excited. And I know this is right. Who knows what doors this will open. Who knows what I'll learn. Who knows the people I'll meet. I want to laugh and cry about it at the same time. I'm such a homebody, and I hate traveling, I hate packing, I hate leaving, I hate not seeing my family. And Pikes Peak, oh the mountains. And everything I love about Colorado. But God wants this for me, and it'll work out. I'll cry, and I might just cry a bit now, thinking about saying goodbye, once again, to my family, having to let them go and trust that God will keep us all safe and allow us to be together again (none of us know how long we'll be here, morbid as that may be - it's true), trust that whatever happens, it might be out of our control - but it's never out of His control.

This is certainly not a path I really thought I'd be taking. I always hoped that by the time I was this age, I'd be married (or well on my way towards that). Clearly, God has had a different plan all along. I can't say that I'd prefer this plan to mine, which involved a great, tall, Catholic guy, and lots of babies, but if this is God's plan, I better realize that it's definitely a lot better than my plan. There's a certain amount of freedom in that, too. Sure, it'd be nice to have someone, even if I weren't married yet. But obviously this way is better for whatever reason, and when I do eventually find that person/he finds me/we realize that "it's been you all along" (hahaha), it'll be so much better than if we were together right now. Or, worse, I were with someone altogether different, who is not the person God had planned for me.

Anyway, some digressing there. Things are just all so crazy right now. And people keep asking me if I'm going to take a house-hunting trip out to DC sometime. I suppose that'd be a smart thing to do, but...I don't know. That costs money, and time, and seems overwhelming. I guess I need to start thinking about that stuff seriously now, though.

I should go before I start on the path of thinking about the scary/overwhelming things again. So...White House! (I've never been inside.) Cherry blossoms! (Apparently they're quite the tourist attraction, and that means they're good, right? haha.) SMITHSONIAN! (The star of Night at the Museum part 2!) Seafood! (Oh...uh...yuck.) Relatives! (Yay! And I'll be able to go to at least one cousin's wedding coming up in September, and it looks like I might be going with a bunch of cousins the night before that wedding to a Red Sox game in Baltimore! My first Red Sox game! Maybe I'll get to go to a Patriots game sometime while I'm in DC, too! Not that Mass. is exactly right next to DC, but it's a whole heck of a lot closer than it is to Colorado!) School! (School is one thing I know I can do at least semi-competently. Or, at least, I used to be able to do. But this school! Learning about theology of marriage and life issues and such! Yay!) Maybe having an apartment! (Being something of a grown-up!)

Yeah, it'll be ok. I'll be ok. And it's only two years, not forever. And who knows who I'll be when it's all said and done. I just have to let go and let God, much as I tend to dislike those sort of canned phrases sometimes. They do have truth in them.

Ok.

Ending this now.

I'm tired.

And emotionally wrenched, even though I don't have emotions.

Four months of going back and forth about how scary/awesome this will be? That's going to be a long four months.

Something for you all to look forward to!

Oooh, and a new label to create.

Super Terrixcited

Guys, I'm super excited, and super pumped, and super...excited (I can't think of another good word. But I think you get the idea, right?).

Life is so great! I mean, so many things are not great, but God is just so fantastic - and it's amazing the signs that are sometimes just so obvious it's a wonder I (or whoever) can ever miss them. But I still do. Luckily, God is usually able to knock some sense into me until I realize what it is I'm supposed to do. (It's funny - I really think that usually I know the right answer, I know what I should do, but then I think I'm not right, and I analyze until I find something else and convince myself that it must be the right choice, but as soon as I decide on that, I can really tell, from the unrest I feel, that it's not really the right choice. It was that way with taking a semester leave of absence from ND, it was that way (to a small degree) when I briefly decided not to get Nutmeg, and it was that way when I decided to defer going to grad school for a year...

Yes, that's right, I'll be in DC this coming fall, officially a grad student (ick!) at the John Paul II Institute. I am so, so, so excited about it (and so, so, SO freaked out!), but I just know that it's the right choice, and it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

I had asked in early March (I think) to switch job positions to one being vacated by a woman moving with her family next month. At the time, I didn't know if I'd be accepted, or if I even really wanted to go that badly. I didn't think I wanted to. And then a few weeks later, I got the acceptance letter. Waffled briefly, but still figured I'd stick with the job for this next year. I started training on Monday. Then...Tuesday or Wednesday, I got another letter, saying that I got a full-tuition scholarship. Full tuition. How could I say no to that? Continued praying more and more - I really don't want to be an irresponsible mind-changer type. But by this weekend, I just knew. This is something I have to do.

I don't know how it's all going to work out. I don't know how I'm going to pay for room and board and that sort of thing, not to mention actually finding a "room" and whatnot, and I don't know a lot of the logistics and how they're all going to work out. But I'm pretty sure that if God wants me there, he'll make it work out, right?

I'm really excited. I'm really scared, and reluctant to leave Colorado, my family, the friends I've made in the last year. Really reluctant. And, truth be told, I'm sort of terrified that if I leave now, I might not come back, not in a permanent sense anyway. But I guess whatever happens is meant to happen. I've felt a weird sort of dissatisfaction with Colorado and things here for awhile. Not that I dislike Colorado, but something just hasn't been right. And I guess that was God telling me that I'm not supposed to be here right now. So. There it is.

I'm terrified. Terrified. But somehow incredibly excited. I have no idea where this is all going to lead. No idea. And I really like knowing where things are going - plans are great. But - oh my gosh - I'm going to be living in DC for the next two years, for better or worse. Geez. It's so scary to say. To think about. What's the reality going to be like? No mountains, no Palmer Park, no family (although, much much closer to extended family, and to Peter and Sara who now live about three hours away from DC, or something like that), big city...I'm not a big city girl. At all. The thought of living in a city like that is beyond scary. I hate crowds and noise and light pollution...and their water is probably pretty gross, and nowhere near Colorado water. Argh. So many reasons for me not to do this.

And yet it feels so right. So it must be, right? Goodness, I hope it is.

I leave you with my favorite grad student-related quote:

Bart: I was so bored, I cut the ponytail off the guy in front of us. Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and I made $600 last year.

Marge: Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They've just made a terrible life choice.


Oh, uh, haha, these were funny quotes from last week's The Office, which I forgot I had put here. But whatever, they're funny, if completely unrelated to the above.

"I'm like Benjamin Button in reverse."

"Do you guys want to hear about Thailand?" "Sure." "It was indescribable."

That's Colorado for ya!

This is what I woke up to this morning, Easter, April 12 (and what continued until around 1pm):






Yeah. Christmas, we have 60s and sunny weather. But, you know, Easter, logically, is going to have four inches of snow. The next three days are supposed to be in the 60s again, but this seems like it came out of nowhere. It's really wet and heavy, and has already melted quite a bit so it definitely won't last. And man, the flakes were huge, big ol' fat flakes. They were really snow clumps, not snowflakes. But it was certainly pretty! (If not exactly what most people expect or hope for on Easter, especially Easter in the middle of April.)

Happy Easter!

He is Risen!

Happy Easter everyone!


Alleluia!

A bit lighter post...(but heavy on the pictures)

I just watched The Last of the Mohicans for the first time. (I think I may have seen parts of it at some point, and for some reason a few weeks ago I watched a clip on youtube which was like the end of the movie, minus the last few minutes (so I knew what was going to happen, more or less), but yeah.) I'm not sure if I put it on our Netflix queue, but if I did, it's because I felt like I should see it given my propensity towards enjoying historical stories like that. Plus, I really like what I've heard of the soundtrack on Pandora.) I'm not sure how I feel about the movie...it was good, but it never felt like the story picked up the main storyline, or it felt like something was missing, or it felt like it needed more or something. But I think I liked it. And I know I liked the music. It's a good soundtrack, that's for sure.

And now, pictures! And lots of them!

Miss Nutmeg.

Smiley.

Mmm...my mountains.

Kissing Camels.

I don't know why I go to Garden of the Gods so infrequently. It's so pretty!

The Peak.

I really liked this little tree growing very high up on the side of a big big rock. Perseverance.

I liked the holeyness of this rock.

Kissing Camels from the other side, and below.

That big rock and that little tree again.


Kissing Camels from the first side again, but from below...

I love my state.


And this mountain.

And this Meggles.

The night of that blizzard we had last week.

I think I took this somewhere on I-70 driving to Breckenridge. Day after (and also of...) that same blizzard.

The unbelievable house we stayed in at Breck that weekend.

The view from the driveway.



She likes her bed.

A scarf I knit recently. I really liked the pattern.

With the fringe added (but not on the top).

There you go. Some pictures.

And now a song I've been loving listening to the last few days:


I mean, just listen to it -- all those sweeping crescendos, the beautiful smooth string parts, it's all just so lovely. And the drums are so great in this song, too. And the cellos! Oh, how I love the sound of the cello. Man. Songs with lyrics are so overrated. And I've said it before - composers are amazing. I can't even imagine sitting down to create a piece of music out of thin air, and doing it for multiple instruments and making sure they all fit beautifully together. And especially with composers like John Williams, who do movie scores, figuring out an entire soundtrack of music to fit the movie in addition to just the composition part... Seriously, it's just mind-boggling to think about. I have such respect for those who can do it. (And, having been there in a much more amateur position, those who can play their instruments so beautifully in these pieces.)

If I had to pin down three passions to pursue exclusively, it'd have to be playing the violin (I really, really wish I still played, and I wish I were actually good), knitting, and taking pictures of random but beautiful shots of Colorado scenery. I guess it wouldn't have to be limited to Colorado scenery, but we do have some of the best scenery here. Of course, theology/Catholicism would be there too, but I guess aside from that...

Anyway. Random aside there.

Go listen to some John Williams. It'll make your day, I promise. Or...buy me a movie score album, and make my day. :-)

Have a lovely, wonderful, holy week all!

(And don't forget what it's all about, as I am sometimes wont to do...Christ died so that I might have a chance. And so you might. Doesn't matter who you are - believe in him or not, Christ died for you. It's mind-blowing, and heartbreaking to think of all the times I dismiss it so carelessly, or choose to sin despite knowing that my sin was why he allowed himself to be put to death, and it's just so incredibly wonderful and undeserved by any of us.)