I just changed a few things around that I guess had gotten switched on the sidebar when I changed blog templates, and in doing so I noticed the monthly count of blog posts I've made. It was bizarre to see a few months this year have single-digit numbers! Only February got to double digits (10), and that's probably because we were snowed in for a week and I had nothing else to do. But it's really weird, because aside from the first few months of this blog's existence, during which I wasn't really using it/not using it exclusively, there are only three months before 2010 that have fewer than 20 posts. And then all of a sudden, once 2010 hit, I stopped posting much. I wonder why that is. Very weird.
Maybe it's because I never have anything to say...because I really don't. Hm. Maybe I need to rethink this blog thing. Figure out more of a path for it, or more of a thesis to stick to, or something. Have a point to my posts. Maybe more picture posts. (But I post most of my pictures on facebook, and I'm pretty sure everyone who reads this is friends with me there, so what's the point of putting them here?)
Hm.
Well, today I had my last class. Of the year. Which means I'm almost completely halfway through my masters program. Woo. Just three finals to get through, and I hope I can get through them. And do halfway decently, too. But just good enough would be fine.
I went to a gala tonight for a local pro-life group. My office had bought two tables, and we (the interns) were included in the invitation to go use up space at said tables. So I went, and it was fun, I guess. Interesting. But free! (For me.) Got a glass of wine, some yummy food, coffee, etc out of the deal. Not too shabby, I guess. And this afternoon the office went out for lunch to celebrate Administrative Professional's Day (which was last week, I think, but none of the interns could make it that day for various reasons). Today was the first day that worked for everyone to go to lunch, so yippee. I'm pretty sure I have like the best job ever. At least/especially for a graduate student, that's for sure.
I was in a major funk at the beginning of the week. The reason for the funk (well, one of the major contributing factors) still exists. But I'm a lot better about it now. I actually think - gasp! - being in DC might be good for me, for now anyway. Hopefully not for too long, because I don't want to be here longer than necessary, and I don't want to want to stay. But the good news about everything is that I'm malleable, which is perfect for one who just wants to do what God wants for her. I don't have a lot of my own goals and desires, which might not be his, getting in the way and screwing things up. Well, I hope I don't let goals and desires screw things up, anyway. Seriously, though, sometimes I wonder what I'm even doing here, when I don't want to do ANYTHING with this degree I'm getting. I just have to assume it's a stepping stone to something, and God will get me to the other side of the river when it's time. Who knows how many more stepping stones might be ahead of me before that, though.
Life is good. Even when it's not. And God is good, even when life is not.
And flowers? Well, they just make everything good and better. I like getting flowers. (Even though I can count on one hand the number of times I've actually gotten flowers. Catching bouquets excluded. And pretty much all the rest? From my parents. But that's ok. I have great parents. :-) )
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Anticipation...
A couple weeks ago, I decided that I wouldn't be doing much, if any, pleasure-reading or movie-watching. Not until school is over. So. I now have eight days. Eight days until I can:
-Start reading the Chronicles of Narnia. (Cannot WAIT for that!)
-Watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
-Watch Star Trek.
-Watch Back to the Future trilogy. ALL IN ONE SITTING. Ok maybe not in one sitting.
-Watch Star Wars, if I can borrow them from someone.
-Watch Rudy.
-Watch any of the other movies I have.
-Read Lord of the Rings (after Chronicles).
-Read whatever I want! (Which will, at some point, include two books I'll need to read for my Theology of the Body class next semester. The prof who always teaches it, Fr. Granados, was called to Rome last semester, so the current 2nd years had a month-long condensed class instead of the typical semester-long class. He's, of course, still in Rome, and thus we're going to have the same condensed class. Apparently it's a lot easier for those who read two of the books prior to class, instead of trying to keep up with all the reading, for three classes a week, in addition to reading for the other four classes we have.)
-Oooh, I haven't even mentioned knitting. Shortly after I bought a box full of yarn for planned projects, I lost some steam. And also started realizing how much schoolwork I had to do, so I kind of stepped back. BUT! Summertime! Not exactly the most logical knitting time, but a lot of those planned projects are for cold weather, so if I get them done this summer, I can give them to the recipients in time for the return of cold weather. So, woo summer knitting!
-And, of course, don't forget about visiting museums! And the zoo! And doing touristy things!
And then, I'll go home. I was going to stay out here until after July 4, because, you know, 4th of July in DC, cool, right? But then I went home this weekend and realized I want to go home ASAP. Although, as it turns out, it might not work out to go home when I want. I don't know. I was looking at one-way tickets on July 1, since my internship ends June 30. July 1 is a Thursday. The Thursday before 4th of July weekend. So I think tickets might be a little bit more expensive than they would otherwise. So...then I could either decide to stay until after the 4th anyway (which is a Sunday, so I could go home Monday or Tuesday), or I could cut my internship short by a few days and go home the weekend before the 4th, or something like that. Which sounds really nice...I might do that. Of course, who knows what's going to happen. That's still two months away.
Woo. Summer's almost here. Just...four finals between me and it. One of which will be finished tonight. If I ever get going on it. Because man, the words, they're just not coming.
Well, now it's tomorrow. Because the above was written on Wednesday, and it is Wednesday no longer. Actually it's practically no longer Thursday, too.
I got the first final (my take-home) done. It's awful, but it's done. I've turned in 35 pages of writing since last Thursday. (And it's all terrible writing, too. I think I forgot how to write papers after college.)
Two finals Tuesday, and one next Thursday. Not too bad. We'll see how they go. I have low expectations. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to stay out here/further my education more after I'm done this program, so I'm not as concerned about my GPA as perhaps I should be.
Anyway. Interesting development on the job front. Maybe. As recently as last night, I had told myself that I would just go home once my internship is done, and not even bother trying to get it extended. But then the interns met with our boss, or whatever, about our various roles and responsibilities, and the question of what I'm going to do came up, and it just all of a sudden seemed to make more sense to try to get it extended, and she (boss) seems to hope they (HR) won't notice and that they'll let us extend it. So I guess that's what I'm gonna do. And if it does get extended, then great, I'll have a job for at least a few more months, and an extra two months of working almost full-time before school starts again. And I'll just have to suck it up and deal with only being able to go home for a couple weeks, at most, this summer. Which means potentially not getting to do any mountain hiking this summer, which makes me super bummed. But, on the bright side, it's just one summer. Colorado will still be there next summer. And I intend to be in Colorado next summer. At least, for longer than two weeks. And there's always the chance that they won't extend the internship anyway, and I'll still get to go home for a month and a half or so. Either way, I'll survive.
(Although, it'll really suck not getting to see my family much. I know lots of people live far away from their families and only get to see them maybe, maybe once or twice a year, but I'm not one of those people. I mean, I do live far away, temporarily, right now, but...um...yeah. I don't want to. I'm a big fan of staying close to family. Although I realize that it's slightly ironic, considering the reason I'm even from Colorado is because my parents decided to move away from both of their families...but anyway. Whatever. I like my family, and I like to see them a lot, and there are no weddings to go home for next semester, so I might just have to deal somehow with getting a couple weeks this summer, probably the end of July/early August, then not going home again until Thanksgiving or even Christmas. Longest I'll have ever gone without going home. But, if that's the way it is, I'll just survive somehow.)
I hope this weekend is good. And productive. My office is going out to lunch tomorrow to celebrate office assistant day or whatever they called it, even though it was last week. Hard to schedule so everyone can be there. But that'll be fun. I work with great people. Yay. And then tomorrow night, as a result of working there, I get to go to a gala for free (for a pro-life organization), including a champagne reception beforehand, and it'll have some food and an open bar for the first hour of the actual gala. No idea what to expect beyond that, but my friend, another one of the interns, is also going, so we'll at least get to sit around together, in our possibly not-quite-dressy-enough dresses. Hopefully that'll be fun. And the rest of the week? Studying, I guess. I feel like there was something going on Saturday night...but I might be making that up. Who knows. Oh, I remember what it was. Friends coming into town Saturday. Don't know if/when I'll see them though. Either way. All that stands between me and a summer o' fun (and heat...and humidity...) are three finals. Woo hoo.
Well...the end.
(PS: Have I mentioned how excited I am to reread Chronicles of Narnia? Because DUDE. I SO AM.)
-Start reading the Chronicles of Narnia. (Cannot WAIT for that!)
-Watch Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
-Watch Star Trek.
-Watch Back to the Future trilogy. ALL IN ONE SITTING. Ok maybe not in one sitting.
-Watch Star Wars, if I can borrow them from someone.
-Watch Rudy.
-Watch any of the other movies I have.
-Read Lord of the Rings (after Chronicles).
-Read whatever I want! (Which will, at some point, include two books I'll need to read for my Theology of the Body class next semester. The prof who always teaches it, Fr. Granados, was called to Rome last semester, so the current 2nd years had a month-long condensed class instead of the typical semester-long class. He's, of course, still in Rome, and thus we're going to have the same condensed class. Apparently it's a lot easier for those who read two of the books prior to class, instead of trying to keep up with all the reading, for three classes a week, in addition to reading for the other four classes we have.)
-Oooh, I haven't even mentioned knitting. Shortly after I bought a box full of yarn for planned projects, I lost some steam. And also started realizing how much schoolwork I had to do, so I kind of stepped back. BUT! Summertime! Not exactly the most logical knitting time, but a lot of those planned projects are for cold weather, so if I get them done this summer, I can give them to the recipients in time for the return of cold weather. So, woo summer knitting!
-And, of course, don't forget about visiting museums! And the zoo! And doing touristy things!
And then, I'll go home. I was going to stay out here until after July 4, because, you know, 4th of July in DC, cool, right? But then I went home this weekend and realized I want to go home ASAP. Although, as it turns out, it might not work out to go home when I want. I don't know. I was looking at one-way tickets on July 1, since my internship ends June 30. July 1 is a Thursday. The Thursday before 4th of July weekend. So I think tickets might be a little bit more expensive than they would otherwise. So...then I could either decide to stay until after the 4th anyway (which is a Sunday, so I could go home Monday or Tuesday), or I could cut my internship short by a few days and go home the weekend before the 4th, or something like that. Which sounds really nice...I might do that. Of course, who knows what's going to happen. That's still two months away.
Woo. Summer's almost here. Just...four finals between me and it. One of which will be finished tonight. If I ever get going on it. Because man, the words, they're just not coming.
Well, now it's tomorrow. Because the above was written on Wednesday, and it is Wednesday no longer. Actually it's practically no longer Thursday, too.
I got the first final (my take-home) done. It's awful, but it's done. I've turned in 35 pages of writing since last Thursday. (And it's all terrible writing, too. I think I forgot how to write papers after college.)
Two finals Tuesday, and one next Thursday. Not too bad. We'll see how they go. I have low expectations. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to stay out here/further my education more after I'm done this program, so I'm not as concerned about my GPA as perhaps I should be.
Anyway. Interesting development on the job front. Maybe. As recently as last night, I had told myself that I would just go home once my internship is done, and not even bother trying to get it extended. But then the interns met with our boss, or whatever, about our various roles and responsibilities, and the question of what I'm going to do came up, and it just all of a sudden seemed to make more sense to try to get it extended, and she (boss) seems to hope they (HR) won't notice and that they'll let us extend it. So I guess that's what I'm gonna do. And if it does get extended, then great, I'll have a job for at least a few more months, and an extra two months of working almost full-time before school starts again. And I'll just have to suck it up and deal with only being able to go home for a couple weeks, at most, this summer. Which means potentially not getting to do any mountain hiking this summer, which makes me super bummed. But, on the bright side, it's just one summer. Colorado will still be there next summer. And I intend to be in Colorado next summer. At least, for longer than two weeks. And there's always the chance that they won't extend the internship anyway, and I'll still get to go home for a month and a half or so. Either way, I'll survive.
(Although, it'll really suck not getting to see my family much. I know lots of people live far away from their families and only get to see them maybe, maybe once or twice a year, but I'm not one of those people. I mean, I do live far away, temporarily, right now, but...um...yeah. I don't want to. I'm a big fan of staying close to family. Although I realize that it's slightly ironic, considering the reason I'm even from Colorado is because my parents decided to move away from both of their families...but anyway. Whatever. I like my family, and I like to see them a lot, and there are no weddings to go home for next semester, so I might just have to deal somehow with getting a couple weeks this summer, probably the end of July/early August, then not going home again until Thanksgiving or even Christmas. Longest I'll have ever gone without going home. But, if that's the way it is, I'll just survive somehow.)
I hope this weekend is good. And productive. My office is going out to lunch tomorrow to celebrate office assistant day or whatever they called it, even though it was last week. Hard to schedule so everyone can be there. But that'll be fun. I work with great people. Yay. And then tomorrow night, as a result of working there, I get to go to a gala for free (for a pro-life organization), including a champagne reception beforehand, and it'll have some food and an open bar for the first hour of the actual gala. No idea what to expect beyond that, but my friend, another one of the interns, is also going, so we'll at least get to sit around together, in our possibly not-quite-dressy-enough dresses. Hopefully that'll be fun. And the rest of the week? Studying, I guess. I feel like there was something going on Saturday night...but I might be making that up. Who knows. Oh, I remember what it was. Friends coming into town Saturday. Don't know if/when I'll see them though. Either way. All that stands between me and a summer o' fun (and heat...and humidity...) are three finals. Woo hoo.
Well...the end.
(PS: Have I mentioned how excited I am to reread Chronicles of Narnia? Because DUDE. I SO AM.)
Monday, April 19, 2010
Joyfilled
Last night, a few friends were making fun of my over-exuberance at everything related to spring here. My exclamations on facebook about the flowers (oh, the flowers!). Etc.
But you know what? I don't care. I'm determined to milk as much joy out of this beautiful time, probably the most beautiful spring I've ever experienced, as is humanly possible. And I'm going to do it unapologetically. Because, you know what? We don't always get such obvious reminders of how much God loves us. Or, at least, we don't tend to notice them. But this is such a blatant and obvious display of God's love for me. It's like a huge banner, spread out across the whole city, declaring his love. And I'm not going to ignore it. It won't last long, I know. That's the great and sad thing about spring. It's such a quick time of year. It's so beautiful, but it doesn't last. But would we appreciate it as much if it were always there? Who knows. It's easy for us to become complacent, to stop noticing those things we see and experience every day. So God gives it to us for just a brief time. It makes us appreciate it more. It makes us realize that everything is fleeting on this earth. Nothing lasts forever.
God's love, though? That lasts forever. And he never stops giving it. And we only catch glimpses of how much he loves us, but can't possibly comprehend just how much he does. We'll realize it in heaven, where we'll have a constant spring - and a constant knowledge of God's complete and utter love.
To go along with this, a few quotes from Pope Benedict's visit to Malta - specifically the speech he gave to the young people.
"Every personal encounter with Jesus is an overwhelming experience of love."
"God loves every one of us with a depth and intensity that we can hardly begin to imagine. And he knows us intimately, he knows all our strengths and all our faults. Because he loves us so much, he wants to purify us of our faults and build up our virtues so that we can have life in abundance. When he challenges us because something in our lives is displeasing to him, he is not rejecting us, but he is asking us to change and become more perfect."
"It is easy, when we are young and impressionable, to be swayed by our peers to accept ideas and values that we know are not what the Lord truly wants for us. That is why I say to you: do not be afraid, but rejoice in his love for you; trust him, answer his call to discipleship, and find nourishment and spiritual healing in the sacraments of the Church."
Pray for Pope Benedict, especially today, his 5th anniversary of being elected Pope! We love you!
Life is good.
God is love.
Now, excuse me while I go take a walk and revel a bit more in God's delicious beauty-filled creation.
(Sorry about so much pink. I realized I hadn't changed the picture in awhile, and needed something more springy, and then when I changed it I realized that the rest of the blog colors were so drab and dreary and so not-spring. So! Pink it is!)
But you know what? I don't care. I'm determined to milk as much joy out of this beautiful time, probably the most beautiful spring I've ever experienced, as is humanly possible. And I'm going to do it unapologetically. Because, you know what? We don't always get such obvious reminders of how much God loves us. Or, at least, we don't tend to notice them. But this is such a blatant and obvious display of God's love for me. It's like a huge banner, spread out across the whole city, declaring his love. And I'm not going to ignore it. It won't last long, I know. That's the great and sad thing about spring. It's such a quick time of year. It's so beautiful, but it doesn't last. But would we appreciate it as much if it were always there? Who knows. It's easy for us to become complacent, to stop noticing those things we see and experience every day. So God gives it to us for just a brief time. It makes us appreciate it more. It makes us realize that everything is fleeting on this earth. Nothing lasts forever.
God's love, though? That lasts forever. And he never stops giving it. And we only catch glimpses of how much he loves us, but can't possibly comprehend just how much he does. We'll realize it in heaven, where we'll have a constant spring - and a constant knowledge of God's complete and utter love.
To go along with this, a few quotes from Pope Benedict's visit to Malta - specifically the speech he gave to the young people.
"Every personal encounter with Jesus is an overwhelming experience of love."
"God loves every one of us with a depth and intensity that we can hardly begin to imagine. And he knows us intimately, he knows all our strengths and all our faults. Because he loves us so much, he wants to purify us of our faults and build up our virtues so that we can have life in abundance. When he challenges us because something in our lives is displeasing to him, he is not rejecting us, but he is asking us to change and become more perfect."
"It is easy, when we are young and impressionable, to be swayed by our peers to accept ideas and values that we know are not what the Lord truly wants for us. That is why I say to you: do not be afraid, but rejoice in his love for you; trust him, answer his call to discipleship, and find nourishment and spiritual healing in the sacraments of the Church."
Pray for Pope Benedict, especially today, his 5th anniversary of being elected Pope! We love you!
Life is good.
God is love.
Now, excuse me while I go take a walk and revel a bit more in God's delicious beauty-filled creation.
(Sorry about so much pink. I realized I hadn't changed the picture in awhile, and needed something more springy, and then when I changed it I realized that the rest of the blog colors were so drab and dreary and so not-spring. So! Pink it is!)
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Bless You
This is (published) post #1,695. Which doesn't mean much, except that in five posts after this I'll be up to 1,700, and that's a round(ish) number, and I like those.
Yesterday was a lousy day. I woke up ready to be grumpy. Not on purpose, but that's just the way it happened. I was happy when I went to bed; I had finished the night by writing about how much I love spring here.
(A lot, by the way, in case you didn't read that one. The azaleas are prettier than ever, and more and more keep blooming. And - bonus! - we have two azalea bushes in our front yard. Both are white, so not the vibrant pinks and magentas and purples I've been loving so much, but white is nice too.)
Anyway. There were a number of factors which contributed to my grumpiness. Riding the metro rarely incites warm feelings. The walk from the metro to work (not really very long, around ten minutes, but most of that is along a VERY busy street and I just hate that) is always an annoyance. All the stress of this week and next just seemed to dump on me, all at once. Working 20 hours a week (although I rarely actually get a full 20 hours - and work itself has certain stresses for me as well, aside from the time commitment), being in class 10 hours a week (and then some, because my professors this semester have been particularly bad at letting us out on time), trying to keep up with the nearly-impossible amount of reading for each class, having three papers due within the next week and a half, and to top it off, the Institute has a lecture series going this week, Monday Wednesday and Friday, with Professor Robert Spaemann, a German philosopher. While it's not like they're taking attendance, we're "expected" to attend, and I have guilt issues. It's frustrating, though, because these lectures, while they might be interesting (I haven't been exactly fully aware at the two they've had so far...some of what he says sounds good, but other things I just don't understand), are taking time that I could be - and should be - using to do the plethora of schoolwork I have. Just a really bad week for an additional 6 hours, give or take, of school-related things. It all of a sudden just seemed like a lot, and I almost cracked. I wasn't in a good mood all day. (And then I tried to get a book from the CUA library for the first time - I only ever go in there to print things - and I got so frustrated because, as I later came to find out when I asked someone who has checked out books before, while they have three floors of books, each floor has two levels. So after looking around for a good 5-10 minutes yesterday, when I finally found a map of what books were where, I realized that the book I wanted was in this apparently magical alternate floor that I just couldn't figure out how to get to, not realizing that it was right above my head. It was a frustrating experience. And I just kept thinking, Notre Dame's library is so much more logical and easy to navigate. Ah, ND.)
Oh, and on top of everything, sometimes all the attacks on the Church, Pope, etc really, really get me down. I think I'm more aware of it these days, too, and at least in part because of where I work. My exposure is more...front-and-center, I guess, in a way. It's so difficult to listen to it, day after day. Even those of a more ridiculous nature. I know it's worse for other people, but it has been affecting me.
By the time I got home (after sitting in that lecture for almost two hours, which included a far-too-long question and answer session - annoying in itself because he's not fluent enough to be able to answer off-the-cuff in English, so the question had to be asked, translated into German for him, he answered in German, and the people translating tried to translate as best they could into English. Makes the process painfully slow. And on top of that, the auditorium where they're holding these lectures is FREEZING. Not that it's a surprise, because the weather is niceish now on a regular basis which means every single building has their AC on, which means I wear sweaters to work/class even though it's 70 degrees out.), it was almost 10, and it had just been a rough day.
But then (you weren't expecting a happy ending, were you?) I read a card I had gotten in the mail. It was from a friend of mine, my childhood best friend who just entered the Church on Easter. And it was the best part of my day.
Nothing that was getting me down yesterday has been resolved today. It's all still there. But I'm feeling a lot better about life today. I realize how blessed I am. I have a wonderful family who loves me - and today I'm especially thankful for a father who does my taxes for me. I have great friends, both here and back home (and elsewhere, for that matter). My personality is such that people in general - even those I love and care about - can get on my nerves for various things they do, to an irrational point. But realizing that - and I've had to realize it a lot this past year - I am better able to handle it when the irrational annoyance starts to crowd out the love I feel for them. Well, I'm getting better, at least. I still have a long way to go. But hey, lucky me, God's giving me ample opportunity to practice and to get better.
Anyway. Life's back to better today. All the work I have to do, it'll get done. The two papers I want finished before I leave next Thursday, they'll get done. I'm mostly done one, and have at least some of the other. I do have a third paper to do after those two, but I no longer think it feasible to get it done before I leave. I can work on it on the plane, while I'm home, and even after I get back - it's not due until Tuesday or Wednesday after I get back. Of course, regular reading for all my classes isn't really happening, but I don't think I'm alone in that. Oh well. That'll be what the weekend before finals is for, right? (Which, crazy, finals start in 2.5 weeks. Is that right? I'll be done. With my first year of graduate school. Halfway to a masters. In three weeks from today. That, my friends, is bizarre.) (And it's also assuming I don't fail anything.)
Plus, I've been listening to John Williams tonight, which rarely fails to improve my spirits. And there may have been a glass or two of wine involved as well. Nothing wrong with a little libation to help with the paper-writing process, right?
Tomorrow is Friday. Which means going to a class in which I'm only marginally interested in (my audit, and more the speed of the people going into the bioethics track), Mass, and work for a couple of hours. The jury's still out whether or not I'll go to the last of the lectures in the afternoon. The first one had a reception afterward, including free wine and beer (and soda and stuff), and pretty fancy h'ors d'oeuvres, but yesterday's did not. There's a chance tomorrow's might, since it's the end of the series, and will be done right around dinnertime...but I also wouldn't be surprised if there weren't any food. (I was really surprised that there was food, let alone alcohol, after the first one.) I would be much more inclined to go if there were free food involved. But there's not a single bit of me that wants to go to hear the lecture. And I could more usefully spend the time a) taking a nap, so I have more energy later in the evening/night to power through the papers, b) just start working on the papers, c) taking a walk to see more pretty flowers in the area, and more fully bloomed azalea bushes, d) doing almost anything else. I don't know. I guess I'll just wait and see what I feel like doing tomorrow.
Either way, you know what? God is so good. And not in a fluffy "God loves me" kind of way. He's just good. Even in the hard times. Even when you can't do anything but wonder what the heck he's doing, what he could be possibly thinking. He's still so, so good. And I love that. And also? He made spring. And azaleas. And really good friends who put up with me when I'm annoying, which is all the time. Not to mention my family, who are far better than I'll ever deserve.
And I get to see (most of) them in a week! Yay!
Yesterday was a lousy day. I woke up ready to be grumpy. Not on purpose, but that's just the way it happened. I was happy when I went to bed; I had finished the night by writing about how much I love spring here.
(A lot, by the way, in case you didn't read that one. The azaleas are prettier than ever, and more and more keep blooming. And - bonus! - we have two azalea bushes in our front yard. Both are white, so not the vibrant pinks and magentas and purples I've been loving so much, but white is nice too.)
Anyway. There were a number of factors which contributed to my grumpiness. Riding the metro rarely incites warm feelings. The walk from the metro to work (not really very long, around ten minutes, but most of that is along a VERY busy street and I just hate that) is always an annoyance. All the stress of this week and next just seemed to dump on me, all at once. Working 20 hours a week (although I rarely actually get a full 20 hours - and work itself has certain stresses for me as well, aside from the time commitment), being in class 10 hours a week (and then some, because my professors this semester have been particularly bad at letting us out on time), trying to keep up with the nearly-impossible amount of reading for each class, having three papers due within the next week and a half, and to top it off, the Institute has a lecture series going this week, Monday Wednesday and Friday, with Professor Robert Spaemann, a German philosopher. While it's not like they're taking attendance, we're "expected" to attend, and I have guilt issues. It's frustrating, though, because these lectures, while they might be interesting (I haven't been exactly fully aware at the two they've had so far...some of what he says sounds good, but other things I just don't understand), are taking time that I could be - and should be - using to do the plethora of schoolwork I have. Just a really bad week for an additional 6 hours, give or take, of school-related things. It all of a sudden just seemed like a lot, and I almost cracked. I wasn't in a good mood all day. (And then I tried to get a book from the CUA library for the first time - I only ever go in there to print things - and I got so frustrated because, as I later came to find out when I asked someone who has checked out books before, while they have three floors of books, each floor has two levels. So after looking around for a good 5-10 minutes yesterday, when I finally found a map of what books were where, I realized that the book I wanted was in this apparently magical alternate floor that I just couldn't figure out how to get to, not realizing that it was right above my head. It was a frustrating experience. And I just kept thinking, Notre Dame's library is so much more logical and easy to navigate. Ah, ND.)
Oh, and on top of everything, sometimes all the attacks on the Church, Pope, etc really, really get me down. I think I'm more aware of it these days, too, and at least in part because of where I work. My exposure is more...front-and-center, I guess, in a way. It's so difficult to listen to it, day after day. Even those of a more ridiculous nature. I know it's worse for other people, but it has been affecting me.
By the time I got home (after sitting in that lecture for almost two hours, which included a far-too-long question and answer session - annoying in itself because he's not fluent enough to be able to answer off-the-cuff in English, so the question had to be asked, translated into German for him, he answered in German, and the people translating tried to translate as best they could into English. Makes the process painfully slow. And on top of that, the auditorium where they're holding these lectures is FREEZING. Not that it's a surprise, because the weather is niceish now on a regular basis which means every single building has their AC on, which means I wear sweaters to work/class even though it's 70 degrees out.), it was almost 10, and it had just been a rough day.
But then (you weren't expecting a happy ending, were you?) I read a card I had gotten in the mail. It was from a friend of mine, my childhood best friend who just entered the Church on Easter. And it was the best part of my day.
Nothing that was getting me down yesterday has been resolved today. It's all still there. But I'm feeling a lot better about life today. I realize how blessed I am. I have a wonderful family who loves me - and today I'm especially thankful for a father who does my taxes for me. I have great friends, both here and back home (and elsewhere, for that matter). My personality is such that people in general - even those I love and care about - can get on my nerves for various things they do, to an irrational point. But realizing that - and I've had to realize it a lot this past year - I am better able to handle it when the irrational annoyance starts to crowd out the love I feel for them. Well, I'm getting better, at least. I still have a long way to go. But hey, lucky me, God's giving me ample opportunity to practice and to get better.
Anyway. Life's back to better today. All the work I have to do, it'll get done. The two papers I want finished before I leave next Thursday, they'll get done. I'm mostly done one, and have at least some of the other. I do have a third paper to do after those two, but I no longer think it feasible to get it done before I leave. I can work on it on the plane, while I'm home, and even after I get back - it's not due until Tuesday or Wednesday after I get back. Of course, regular reading for all my classes isn't really happening, but I don't think I'm alone in that. Oh well. That'll be what the weekend before finals is for, right? (Which, crazy, finals start in 2.5 weeks. Is that right? I'll be done. With my first year of graduate school. Halfway to a masters. In three weeks from today. That, my friends, is bizarre.) (And it's also assuming I don't fail anything.)
Plus, I've been listening to John Williams tonight, which rarely fails to improve my spirits. And there may have been a glass or two of wine involved as well. Nothing wrong with a little libation to help with the paper-writing process, right?
Tomorrow is Friday. Which means going to a class in which I'm only marginally interested in (my audit, and more the speed of the people going into the bioethics track), Mass, and work for a couple of hours. The jury's still out whether or not I'll go to the last of the lectures in the afternoon. The first one had a reception afterward, including free wine and beer (and soda and stuff), and pretty fancy h'ors d'oeuvres, but yesterday's did not. There's a chance tomorrow's might, since it's the end of the series, and will be done right around dinnertime...but I also wouldn't be surprised if there weren't any food. (I was really surprised that there was food, let alone alcohol, after the first one.) I would be much more inclined to go if there were free food involved. But there's not a single bit of me that wants to go to hear the lecture. And I could more usefully spend the time a) taking a nap, so I have more energy later in the evening/night to power through the papers, b) just start working on the papers, c) taking a walk to see more pretty flowers in the area, and more fully bloomed azalea bushes, d) doing almost anything else. I don't know. I guess I'll just wait and see what I feel like doing tomorrow.
Either way, you know what? God is so good. And not in a fluffy "God loves me" kind of way. He's just good. Even in the hard times. Even when you can't do anything but wonder what the heck he's doing, what he could be possibly thinking. He's still so, so good. And I love that. And also? He made spring. And azaleas. And really good friends who put up with me when I'm annoying, which is all the time. Not to mention my family, who are far better than I'll ever deserve.
And I get to see (most of) them in a week! Yay!
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
With a Spring in my Step
(Sometimes I feel weird capitalizing all the words in my titles, instead of just the first one. This title makes it look like I'm one of the Random capitalizers, Who tend to Capitalize random words in sentences. I don't get this phenomenon.)
I just want to share something with you as quickly as possible. Since it's late. And I need to get to bed. Because my night-owl tendencies, as I've said before, don't mesh well with my 6:30am-risings (so I can get in four hours of work before class, on those days I have class in the afternoons. Which is most days).
I don't know if I've mentioned on here, but my goodness. I LOVE spring in DC. Love it. Love love love it. Today was a little chilly, a little damp, with some drizzle. But I still had the azaleas and dogwoods to admire. Can't complain about the weather, especially when I think about all you suckers back in CO who get to deal with April snow showers. 50s and slightly rainy isn't so bad.
Seriously, though. Spring here? Amazing. I'm delighting in all of it. First there was the blooming of the cherry trees, which started out white, and then only recently finally turned to pink. (Rather overnight, it seemed.) Most of them are past the bloom stage, and have already lost most if not all of the flowers. Soon they'll all just be green. Around the same time (the white stage of the cherry blossoms), there was the blooming of the...I'm guessing here, but I think they're Bradford Pear trees. Rather stinky when in bloom, but really pretty. We had them at ND, too. (We also had the tulip trees there. I loved them. Was SO excited to see them coming into bloom here!) Yeah, I think the tulip trees were among the first to bloom as well. Not to mention the daffodils, which, I swear, it was practically like I had never seen them before. Dad says he planted some in our front yard, so maybe I just didn't notice them. I'm fairly certain, though, that we definitely don't have them in the numbers (and blooming EVERYWHERE) that they do here, out in Colorado. Either way. I love daffodils. So then other things started blooming, like these vibrantly purple trees, whose name I do not know. The cherry trees lost some of their white luster, and I kinda thought that was it, but then like the next day (ok, maybe not THAT dramatically), PINK! Haha. Loved it. There are still some in the pink stage, and I just love looking at them. So yeah. Other things, flowers and bushes and whatnot, started to bloom. And then these really, really bright flowers started showing up in bushes. I didn't know what they were, but they were so pretty. And on Sunday, driving home from church, my roommate mentioned azaleas and how they're blooming, and must have pointed one out. And that's when I realized that, hey, they're azaleas! I only knew to look for them because Mom had mentioned that I would probably see azaleas blooming. And boy do I ever! Gosh. I can't get enough of them. And the dogwoods are blooming now, and I LOVE them too. They're really cool because the flowers are more spread out on them, but the branches are kind of hard to see, so it's like these flowers just suspended in the air. Not quite, but kind of. I don't know. They're hard to describe, but I really just love them.
I'm not a very emotional person, in general. Especially not outwardly. (Ok, maybe reading that sentence will make some people laugh. I don't know.) So for the most part I keep my extreme exuberance to myself every time I see an azalea bush. Or a still-pink cherry tree. But it's like a little kid seeing a puppy dog for the first time. I get so giddy. I've never had a spring like this. I love Colorado, don't get me wrong, but after four years of college - where there were a number of pretty flowers and blooming trees - I realized last year that Colorado really doesn't have much in the way of flora like that. And I did miss it a little bit. Of course, we do have the most important - lilacs. Which, by the way, I've already seen at least two bushes of them blooming out here! I'm pretty sure in Colorado our lilacs don't bloom until mid-May. But now that I think about it, they might have bloomed this early at ND, too. Maybe not quite this early though. Anyway. I don't know that there are as many lilacs out here, though. But I guess there's lots more to make up for it if they don't. But, oh yeah, back to me. (haha.) Seriously. It's been such a joy, such a complete filling of my soul to see all this beauty. Even amidst the grossness that is the City. There's something about seeing a HUGE azalea bush - or several right next to each other (bonus if they're all different colors, and slightly mixed together!) (and they even have purple azaleas! I love purple flowers!) - that just really, really really uplifts me. Oh man. I can't even describe it. And no picture can adequately see the banquet of beauty I get to be a part of as a temporary DCite in spring.
It. Is fabulous. And so very much what I need. And makes it much easier to imagine staying here for a longer period, in the event that I can't go home for more than maybe a couple of weeks this summer. (Beyond June, everything's still very much up in the air.) I'm sure summer will be rather horrible, what with the heat and the humidity (with which I do not do well) and the lack of springy blooms. But maybe this burst of amazingness and good feelings toward this city, of which I'm forced to be a part for at least another year, will help me get through the really gross, tough days the summer is sure to bring.
And you know what? I think it will. And I think I'll be fine. And who knows, maybe I'll love the summer, too. I mean, I did think I was going to hate the winter, what with DC's lack of snow and all. And I did think I would be really sad to miss out on the lilacs this year. But I really don't hold out a lot of hope for the summer. But that's ok. Because it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't even have to be great. I just have to be content, and happy, and know that this is where I am, and, more importantly, it's where I'm supposed to be. And I have no choice but to thank God for that.
I just want to share something with you as quickly as possible. Since it's late. And I need to get to bed. Because my night-owl tendencies, as I've said before, don't mesh well with my 6:30am-risings (so I can get in four hours of work before class, on those days I have class in the afternoons. Which is most days).
I don't know if I've mentioned on here, but my goodness. I LOVE spring in DC. Love it. Love love love it. Today was a little chilly, a little damp, with some drizzle. But I still had the azaleas and dogwoods to admire. Can't complain about the weather, especially when I think about all you suckers back in CO who get to deal with April snow showers. 50s and slightly rainy isn't so bad.
Seriously, though. Spring here? Amazing. I'm delighting in all of it. First there was the blooming of the cherry trees, which started out white, and then only recently finally turned to pink. (Rather overnight, it seemed.) Most of them are past the bloom stage, and have already lost most if not all of the flowers. Soon they'll all just be green. Around the same time (the white stage of the cherry blossoms), there was the blooming of the...I'm guessing here, but I think they're Bradford Pear trees. Rather stinky when in bloom, but really pretty. We had them at ND, too. (We also had the tulip trees there. I loved them. Was SO excited to see them coming into bloom here!) Yeah, I think the tulip trees were among the first to bloom as well. Not to mention the daffodils, which, I swear, it was practically like I had never seen them before. Dad says he planted some in our front yard, so maybe I just didn't notice them. I'm fairly certain, though, that we definitely don't have them in the numbers (and blooming EVERYWHERE) that they do here, out in Colorado. Either way. I love daffodils. So then other things started blooming, like these vibrantly purple trees, whose name I do not know. The cherry trees lost some of their white luster, and I kinda thought that was it, but then like the next day (ok, maybe not THAT dramatically), PINK! Haha. Loved it. There are still some in the pink stage, and I just love looking at them. So yeah. Other things, flowers and bushes and whatnot, started to bloom. And then these really, really bright flowers started showing up in bushes. I didn't know what they were, but they were so pretty. And on Sunday, driving home from church, my roommate mentioned azaleas and how they're blooming, and must have pointed one out. And that's when I realized that, hey, they're azaleas! I only knew to look for them because Mom had mentioned that I would probably see azaleas blooming. And boy do I ever! Gosh. I can't get enough of them. And the dogwoods are blooming now, and I LOVE them too. They're really cool because the flowers are more spread out on them, but the branches are kind of hard to see, so it's like these flowers just suspended in the air. Not quite, but kind of. I don't know. They're hard to describe, but I really just love them.
I'm not a very emotional person, in general. Especially not outwardly. (Ok, maybe reading that sentence will make some people laugh. I don't know.) So for the most part I keep my extreme exuberance to myself every time I see an azalea bush. Or a still-pink cherry tree. But it's like a little kid seeing a puppy dog for the first time. I get so giddy. I've never had a spring like this. I love Colorado, don't get me wrong, but after four years of college - where there were a number of pretty flowers and blooming trees - I realized last year that Colorado really doesn't have much in the way of flora like that. And I did miss it a little bit. Of course, we do have the most important - lilacs. Which, by the way, I've already seen at least two bushes of them blooming out here! I'm pretty sure in Colorado our lilacs don't bloom until mid-May. But now that I think about it, they might have bloomed this early at ND, too. Maybe not quite this early though. Anyway. I don't know that there are as many lilacs out here, though. But I guess there's lots more to make up for it if they don't. But, oh yeah, back to me. (haha.) Seriously. It's been such a joy, such a complete filling of my soul to see all this beauty. Even amidst the grossness that is the City. There's something about seeing a HUGE azalea bush - or several right next to each other (bonus if they're all different colors, and slightly mixed together!) (and they even have purple azaleas! I love purple flowers!) - that just really, really really uplifts me. Oh man. I can't even describe it. And no picture can adequately see the banquet of beauty I get to be a part of as a temporary DCite in spring.
It. Is fabulous. And so very much what I need. And makes it much easier to imagine staying here for a longer period, in the event that I can't go home for more than maybe a couple of weeks this summer. (Beyond June, everything's still very much up in the air.) I'm sure summer will be rather horrible, what with the heat and the humidity (with which I do not do well) and the lack of springy blooms. But maybe this burst of amazingness and good feelings toward this city, of which I'm forced to be a part for at least another year, will help me get through the really gross, tough days the summer is sure to bring.
And you know what? I think it will. And I think I'll be fine. And who knows, maybe I'll love the summer, too. I mean, I did think I was going to hate the winter, what with DC's lack of snow and all. And I did think I would be really sad to miss out on the lilacs this year. But I really don't hold out a lot of hope for the summer. But that's ok. Because it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't even have to be great. I just have to be content, and happy, and know that this is where I am, and, more importantly, it's where I'm supposed to be. And I have no choice but to thank God for that.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Burning the midnight oil
In this case, for no real reason, I am up late. (Wait, is there ever a "real reason"? Mostly it's because I like to stay up late. Doing nothing in particular. One area of my life I have yet to improve, although I desperately need to - if only because night owls and normal life aren't a good mix together. The world does not operate for night owls.)
Ok, so it's true that ostensibly I'm "working on a paper." And it's true that I've been "working on it" all day. It's also true that I've gotten some of it done. (Don't ask me how much - I'm using google docs since that way I can access it multiple places, plus I don't have Word on this laptop and have yet to download open office. And besides that, when my productivity was being seriously hindered by INTERNET I gave up and started writing in a real notebook. Like, with a pen, and stuff. And I don't know how to convert those pages to actual pages, length-wise.) It's easy to get really mad at myself for the lack of work I managed to do today, but then I remember - this thing isn't due for another 2 weeks! And I'm pretty sure I'll have it all done by the end of the weekend. So that's pretty exciting. Yes, as soon as I finish it I pretty much have to start in on another paper, due now in less than two weeks, but that's ok. It'll get done. I know it will.
As it has been, today I've been immersed in Christology. Mostly the quite-unproblematic Christology of St. Athanasius, whose book, On the Incarnation, I rather enjoy. Lots of good stuff, there. I'll probably have dreams tonight of the Word becoming human to save us from ourselves, thereby teaching us both about God the Father and about ourselves more fully - since he was, you know, the perfect human, and all.
(I also did a little off-topic reading, hence the aforementioned switching to a regular notebook. First it was about the Katyn massacre, which I had never heard about, to my recollection, but which was discussed in the news today because of the tragic plane crash of Polish high-rankers. Very sad situation, both the massacre of 70 years ago, and the crash of today. Later on, I started looking up stuff about Henry VIII. And about his wives. And children. And other people involved in all that went on during that time. It's very easy to get lost in Wikipedia, since there are so many things to click on in every article. Sigh. Black hole of time, that website.)
I also have been craving a read of A Horse and His Boy, the fourth (fifth?) in the Chronic(what!)cles of Narnia. It's kind of funny that I am. Many years ago (ok, eight - wow, eight? dang), I checked out a large edition of the whole of the Chronicles of Narnia. I had only ever read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe up to that point. I decided I should read the whole thing. It was summer, and I specifically remember taking it with us when I went with my parents and younger brother on a trip to the east coast, during which we stopped a few times along the way to visit Creighton, Notre Dame, Niagara Falls (not a college, obviously), and BC, I think. And Bellarmine on the way home. Anyway. This particular book had the books in chronological order, so it went The Magician's Nephew, LWW, and A Horse and His Boy (and then the rest). I made it through the first two. I don't remember making it all the way through A Horse and His Boy. I might have, but I don't think I did. For a variety of reasons - it's not even set in Narnia, most of the time, it has entirely unfamiliar characters to the rest of the series, and I just wasn't into it. Of course, I ended up being glad I didn't get through it, because if I had I might have continued reading the rest of the series. And I'm a firm believer that they're much better read in publication order than chronological order. I think reading them in the more superior order led me to get a lot more out of that book the second time I tried to read it, two years ago in college. So anyway, it went from being my least favorite to now one of my favorites. Of course, when I start thinking about favorites I remember all the great parts from all the different books and get confused as to which is my real favorite. They're all my favorite. They all have a great deal of beauty and wonderful things in them. I'm going to re-read them first chance I get this summer.
Summer break - which is less than a month away now. Can you believe that? I am, God willing, less than a month from being halfway through graduate school. Assuming I don't fail anything, that is. (Wouldn't that be sad...)
Speaking of summer, I guess they're going to be offering a summer language class at the Institute. I don't know if they do this every summer, but it'll be either Greek or Latin - they wanted our input to see which had more interest. I hope it's Latin, because I'd love to take another Latin class. And I'm going to be here this summer, so that would work out quite well indeed. But we shall see.
Well. Time for bed. With any luck (and some good, hard work), I'll be done this paper by this time tomorrow. Before this time tomorrow, I hope.
Ok, so it's true that ostensibly I'm "working on a paper." And it's true that I've been "working on it" all day. It's also true that I've gotten some of it done. (Don't ask me how much - I'm using google docs since that way I can access it multiple places, plus I don't have Word on this laptop and have yet to download open office. And besides that, when my productivity was being seriously hindered by INTERNET I gave up and started writing in a real notebook. Like, with a pen, and stuff. And I don't know how to convert those pages to actual pages, length-wise.) It's easy to get really mad at myself for the lack of work I managed to do today, but then I remember - this thing isn't due for another 2 weeks! And I'm pretty sure I'll have it all done by the end of the weekend. So that's pretty exciting. Yes, as soon as I finish it I pretty much have to start in on another paper, due now in less than two weeks, but that's ok. It'll get done. I know it will.
As it has been, today I've been immersed in Christology. Mostly the quite-unproblematic Christology of St. Athanasius, whose book, On the Incarnation, I rather enjoy. Lots of good stuff, there. I'll probably have dreams tonight of the Word becoming human to save us from ourselves, thereby teaching us both about God the Father and about ourselves more fully - since he was, you know, the perfect human, and all.
(I also did a little off-topic reading, hence the aforementioned switching to a regular notebook. First it was about the Katyn massacre, which I had never heard about, to my recollection, but which was discussed in the news today because of the tragic plane crash of Polish high-rankers. Very sad situation, both the massacre of 70 years ago, and the crash of today. Later on, I started looking up stuff about Henry VIII. And about his wives. And children. And other people involved in all that went on during that time. It's very easy to get lost in Wikipedia, since there are so many things to click on in every article. Sigh. Black hole of time, that website.)
I also have been craving a read of A Horse and His Boy, the fourth (fifth?) in the Chronic(what!)cles of Narnia. It's kind of funny that I am. Many years ago (ok, eight - wow, eight? dang), I checked out a large edition of the whole of the Chronicles of Narnia. I had only ever read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe up to that point. I decided I should read the whole thing. It was summer, and I specifically remember taking it with us when I went with my parents and younger brother on a trip to the east coast, during which we stopped a few times along the way to visit Creighton, Notre Dame, Niagara Falls (not a college, obviously), and BC, I think. And Bellarmine on the way home. Anyway. This particular book had the books in chronological order, so it went The Magician's Nephew, LWW, and A Horse and His Boy (and then the rest). I made it through the first two. I don't remember making it all the way through A Horse and His Boy. I might have, but I don't think I did. For a variety of reasons - it's not even set in Narnia, most of the time, it has entirely unfamiliar characters to the rest of the series, and I just wasn't into it. Of course, I ended up being glad I didn't get through it, because if I had I might have continued reading the rest of the series. And I'm a firm believer that they're much better read in publication order than chronological order. I think reading them in the more superior order led me to get a lot more out of that book the second time I tried to read it, two years ago in college. So anyway, it went from being my least favorite to now one of my favorites. Of course, when I start thinking about favorites I remember all the great parts from all the different books and get confused as to which is my real favorite. They're all my favorite. They all have a great deal of beauty and wonderful things in them. I'm going to re-read them first chance I get this summer.
Summer break - which is less than a month away now. Can you believe that? I am, God willing, less than a month from being halfway through graduate school. Assuming I don't fail anything, that is. (Wouldn't that be sad...)
Speaking of summer, I guess they're going to be offering a summer language class at the Institute. I don't know if they do this every summer, but it'll be either Greek or Latin - they wanted our input to see which had more interest. I hope it's Latin, because I'd love to take another Latin class. And I'm going to be here this summer, so that would work out quite well indeed. But we shall see.
Well. Time for bed. With any luck (and some good, hard work), I'll be done this paper by this time tomorrow. Before this time tomorrow, I hope.
Friday, April 09, 2010
The Air I Breathe
So, I just wrote this long rambly post, but instead of subjecting you all to it I'm just gonna summarize:
I'm in love.
I'm in love, and the best part is, the object of my affection will never let me down. God can't let people down.
Seriously. I've loved being Catholic my whole life, but I've never felt the peace and deep-down happiness I'm feeling these days. There's no real reason for it. Thankfully there's no real reason to feel otherwise, either, but I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of the last few months. Especially considering where I was even just three months ago, I don't know where this has all come from.
Except I do. Because it's all God. God is in everything. He's always there. I just don't notice him that often. I'm trying to remedy that, though. I can't believe how good this past year has been for me, incredibly tough though it's been. God's helped show me a lot of areas of my life that desperately need improvement. Slowly, I'm working on them. Still have a long ways to go, though. But I know that's at least part of the reason he brought me here. To stretch and grown and learn in ways I wouldn't have had I stayed in Colorado. And, obviously I loved being Catholic before I came here, but I don't know if I'd love it in the same way that I do now. The all-encompassing, don't-know-who-I'd-be-without-it way.
Because you know what? Being Catholic isn't just a part of what I am. It is intrinsically, inherently, inextricably WHO I am. It's not just something I do, or profess, or believe in. It's all those things, but it's so so much more. It's as much a part of me as being a woman is a part of me. If I were to reject Catholicism, or even a part of it, it'd be like rejecting...I don't know, my skin or something. I can't be without being Catholic. I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou, or super-pious, or anything. This just the way it is. I'm a sinner, without question. I'm imperfect. I make oh-so-many mistakes. I let God down all the time, I'm sure. But he loves me in my imperfections. He just wants me to come back to him every time I fall. He wants me to know that he's there for me when I do. He won't ever, ever turn his back on me. How MAGNIFICENT is that?
So. Catholic. I'm Catholic. Even more than I'm an Oppelt. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and have realized that this Catholicism-in-my-bones is the reason I have such a hard time with Catholics who aren't really Catholic. Catholics who use the label but don't live the life. Because for me, it's not a label. It's not a label. Some just use it as such. And that's the other thing. It's not just a "personal preference." I realize I've had experiences and opportunities, not to mention desire and drive, that others haven't had. I mean, I'm in graduate school studying theology. If I managed to make it through to my MTS without falling more in love with my faith, I would most certainly have gotten something wrong. I realize I know more about Catholicism than the average Catholic, I suppose. But I didn't always. I've taught myself practically everything specifically Catholic that I've learned in the last six years. (Other than, of course, the things I learned in my various theology classes. But much of the deeper aspects of my faith I've had to learn and dig into myself.) The stuff I'm learning now is an obvious exception, seeing as how I'm being taught by practical theological geniuses. But the point is, while I have had these opportunities, my Catholicism isn't incidental to my being. It's not just something I decided to pick up one day. It's always been there. God's just waiting to take us by the hand, through his Church. Catholicism isn't just a religion. It is a religion. But it's...so much more.
I guess it's not popular opinion to say that we should all end up in the Church. And those in the Church are by no means perfect (a fact which people seem constantly surprised to discover. The Church was made for sinners! There's a reason the saints are so praised). But it really hurts me, to a surprising degree, when people say or insinuate that the Church is just one of many options. As if the Truth can be found anywhere, as long as you "feel good." Following God isn't about feeling good. Not some external, rainbows-and-butterflies kind of feel-good, anyway. It's hard to follow his will. But oh. The peace. That peace that comes when you know you're where you're supposed to be. You're doing what God wants you to be doing. And surrendering your will to his results in things getting a lot easier, somehow. Even when it's difficult. I mean, look at Mary. She is the perfect example of surrendering one's will wholly to God. She used her freedom in the truest and fullest sense. And she became the mother of God. She had to watch her Son die on the cross, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been. But she had the peace of God's will. She trusted him with a perfect and all-encompassing trust. I want to be like that. How so very much I want to be like Mary. But gosh. How so very much I fall short.
Well, my quick summary has turned into a long rambly post again. Just with different ramblings than the original.
I guess it's hard to describe love. Those who get it, understand. Those who don't, just think I'm crazy. And maybe I am. Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I'm just kidding myself with it all. I really don't think that's the case, as I can't remember ever feeling the peace I have these days. You can't fake peace. Peace doesn't equal happiness, but it sure does help when those unhappy times come around.
Anyway. I don't even know what I'm saying. Or I can't say what I really want to say because...well, for various reasons. All I know for sure is that I need God. I need the Catholic Church. I can't be without them. (They're really not separate, you know.) And I am so, so glad that Easter lasts eight days! A week-long reminder of Christ's triumph over death, a death he endured for me. Alleluia. And then we have the whole Easter season beyond that. Easter is so beautiful. I'm so glad it's a spring holiday. (Easter is on April 24 next year! That seems so late!)
Maybe someday I'll be able to articulate whatever it is I'm trying to say. Maybe I should figure out what it is I'm trying to say, first.
Catholicism is my oxygen. But even better.
ADDENDUM: It takes people many different paths to get where I am. I know that. My path is my own. No one else has the same story as I do. I shouldn't (and don't) expect them to. I've been lucky. So, so lucky. God's been there the whole time, I know, and I've been able to follow him even when I didn't really realize it, necessarily. So I just want to say that. Some people's paths are much longer than mine has been. (Not that mine's done, by any means.) Some will be/have been much shorter. Some seem to be wacky and convoluted, very roundabout. Some are as straight as straight can get. My challenge is to understand that. It seems so second-nature to me now, but I have to realize that God has different plans for all of us. And I'm pretty sure he can handle everyone else. (Heck, he got mountain-and-nature-loving me to move to big-city DC. And I'm so glad he did.) I can pray, but I can't live anyone's life but my own. Live, pray, be an example. What a lousy example I've been thus far, though. There's always tomorrow. No, that's not true. There's always right now. And thank God for that. :-)
I'm in love.
I'm in love, and the best part is, the object of my affection will never let me down. God can't let people down.
Seriously. I've loved being Catholic my whole life, but I've never felt the peace and deep-down happiness I'm feeling these days. There's no real reason for it. Thankfully there's no real reason to feel otherwise, either, but I'm overwhelmed by the goodness of the last few months. Especially considering where I was even just three months ago, I don't know where this has all come from.
Except I do. Because it's all God. God is in everything. He's always there. I just don't notice him that often. I'm trying to remedy that, though. I can't believe how good this past year has been for me, incredibly tough though it's been. God's helped show me a lot of areas of my life that desperately need improvement. Slowly, I'm working on them. Still have a long ways to go, though. But I know that's at least part of the reason he brought me here. To stretch and grown and learn in ways I wouldn't have had I stayed in Colorado. And, obviously I loved being Catholic before I came here, but I don't know if I'd love it in the same way that I do now. The all-encompassing, don't-know-who-I'd-be-without-it way.
Because you know what? Being Catholic isn't just a part of what I am. It is intrinsically, inherently, inextricably WHO I am. It's not just something I do, or profess, or believe in. It's all those things, but it's so so much more. It's as much a part of me as being a woman is a part of me. If I were to reject Catholicism, or even a part of it, it'd be like rejecting...I don't know, my skin or something. I can't be without being Catholic. I'm not trying to sound holier-than-thou, or super-pious, or anything. This just the way it is. I'm a sinner, without question. I'm imperfect. I make oh-so-many mistakes. I let God down all the time, I'm sure. But he loves me in my imperfections. He just wants me to come back to him every time I fall. He wants me to know that he's there for me when I do. He won't ever, ever turn his back on me. How MAGNIFICENT is that?
So. Catholic. I'm Catholic. Even more than I'm an Oppelt. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, and have realized that this Catholicism-in-my-bones is the reason I have such a hard time with Catholics who aren't really Catholic. Catholics who use the label but don't live the life. Because for me, it's not a label. It's not a label. Some just use it as such. And that's the other thing. It's not just a "personal preference." I realize I've had experiences and opportunities, not to mention desire and drive, that others haven't had. I mean, I'm in graduate school studying theology. If I managed to make it through to my MTS without falling more in love with my faith, I would most certainly have gotten something wrong. I realize I know more about Catholicism than the average Catholic, I suppose. But I didn't always. I've taught myself practically everything specifically Catholic that I've learned in the last six years. (Other than, of course, the things I learned in my various theology classes. But much of the deeper aspects of my faith I've had to learn and dig into myself.) The stuff I'm learning now is an obvious exception, seeing as how I'm being taught by practical theological geniuses. But the point is, while I have had these opportunities, my Catholicism isn't incidental to my being. It's not just something I decided to pick up one day. It's always been there. God's just waiting to take us by the hand, through his Church. Catholicism isn't just a religion. It is a religion. But it's...so much more.
I guess it's not popular opinion to say that we should all end up in the Church. And those in the Church are by no means perfect (a fact which people seem constantly surprised to discover. The Church was made for sinners! There's a reason the saints are so praised). But it really hurts me, to a surprising degree, when people say or insinuate that the Church is just one of many options. As if the Truth can be found anywhere, as long as you "feel good." Following God isn't about feeling good. Not some external, rainbows-and-butterflies kind of feel-good, anyway. It's hard to follow his will. But oh. The peace. That peace that comes when you know you're where you're supposed to be. You're doing what God wants you to be doing. And surrendering your will to his results in things getting a lot easier, somehow. Even when it's difficult. I mean, look at Mary. She is the perfect example of surrendering one's will wholly to God. She used her freedom in the truest and fullest sense. And she became the mother of God. She had to watch her Son die on the cross, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been. But she had the peace of God's will. She trusted him with a perfect and all-encompassing trust. I want to be like that. How so very much I want to be like Mary. But gosh. How so very much I fall short.
Well, my quick summary has turned into a long rambly post again. Just with different ramblings than the original.
I guess it's hard to describe love. Those who get it, understand. Those who don't, just think I'm crazy. And maybe I am. Maybe this is all in my head. Maybe I'm just kidding myself with it all. I really don't think that's the case, as I can't remember ever feeling the peace I have these days. You can't fake peace. Peace doesn't equal happiness, but it sure does help when those unhappy times come around.
Anyway. I don't even know what I'm saying. Or I can't say what I really want to say because...well, for various reasons. All I know for sure is that I need God. I need the Catholic Church. I can't be without them. (They're really not separate, you know.) And I am so, so glad that Easter lasts eight days! A week-long reminder of Christ's triumph over death, a death he endured for me. Alleluia. And then we have the whole Easter season beyond that. Easter is so beautiful. I'm so glad it's a spring holiday. (Easter is on April 24 next year! That seems so late!)
Maybe someday I'll be able to articulate whatever it is I'm trying to say. Maybe I should figure out what it is I'm trying to say, first.
Catholicism is my oxygen. But even better.
ADDENDUM: It takes people many different paths to get where I am. I know that. My path is my own. No one else has the same story as I do. I shouldn't (and don't) expect them to. I've been lucky. So, so lucky. God's been there the whole time, I know, and I've been able to follow him even when I didn't really realize it, necessarily. So I just want to say that. Some people's paths are much longer than mine has been. (Not that mine's done, by any means.) Some will be/have been much shorter. Some seem to be wacky and convoluted, very roundabout. Some are as straight as straight can get. My challenge is to understand that. It seems so second-nature to me now, but I have to realize that God has different plans for all of us. And I'm pretty sure he can handle everyone else. (Heck, he got mountain-and-nature-loving me to move to big-city DC. And I'm so glad he did.) I can pray, but I can't live anyone's life but my own. Live, pray, be an example. What a lousy example I've been thus far, though. There's always tomorrow. No, that's not true. There's always right now. And thank God for that. :-)
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Jam car
So, it's April 8. In two weeks from this moment, I will (God willing) be on a plane heading toward beautiful Colorado. I will also have, in theory, written somewhere between 27-35 pages for three different assignments, all due around that time. Of which I have maybe 2 written. Except that's not even true.
Let's break it down: 10 page bioethics paper. Writing about frozen embryos; specifically, what to do with those frozen embryos already created, under the assumption that there is no morally licit action to be done with them (i.e., embryo adoption, IVF, obviously research)? Basically, I chose (in a manner of speaking) to answer in ten pages what no one can really answer, because there IS no answer. And how can I research something that has no answer? WHAT was I thinking?
10 page Christology paper. This one isn't causing me too much grief, as it's basically an exegesis of sorts on St. Athanasius' Christology. I read the book, I have to read another few pages of another one of his texts, and maybe some of a third source if I decide I'm ambitious. I'm just not entirely sure what exactly my prof is looking for. But I think this one shouldn't be too bad. It's just...writing it.
7-15 page Exegesis take-home final. This one shouldn't be too bad either. It's just frustrating, because we just found out about it last week, and it's due the same day as the Christology paper (which is due the 26th, four days after the bioethics paper is due). And that's just a lot in a very short period of time. And I don't know if it'll be bad, because it might be; I'm just trying to be optimistic that it'll be fairly straightforward once I sit down with our readings and whatnot and start to write it.
So why am I writing in my blog instead of in Word? (Or, my document creator of choice these days, google docs.) Because when there are three papers to write, and they're all due essentially at the same time - since I'm going out of town the weekend before two are due, I want to have at least the bulk of those two both done before I leave, and maybe just leave some tweaking/editing for that weekend. If that. Having all three completely done would be nice, but three papers in two weeks seems a little ambitious. This is me, after all - it's hard to figure out what to do. My brain is jammed. I could sit down and start writing Christology. But then I think I should start on bioethics since that one might take more outside research than I realize. But maybe I should just get the Christology out of the way if I can. But maybe I can just get an outline going for bioethics. See? They're all just there. Moving slowly. I can't get around them. And everything's just getting backed up behind them.
So here I sit. Listening to our first spring storm. Thunder and lightning included. (Lightning sure isn't the same here as in Colorado.) Windows open a bit, fresh rain scent (as fresh as DC gets, anyway) coming in. Unseasonable warmth is gone for the time being. Once this storm is done, in a couple days we'll be back to the 70s, and that'll be nice. Aw. Roommate just closed the windows. How sad. Ok, she left. I opened one again.
Gah. I just need to shut up and start writing one. That's all there is to it.
Let's break it down: 10 page bioethics paper. Writing about frozen embryos; specifically, what to do with those frozen embryos already created, under the assumption that there is no morally licit action to be done with them (i.e., embryo adoption, IVF, obviously research)? Basically, I chose (in a manner of speaking) to answer in ten pages what no one can really answer, because there IS no answer. And how can I research something that has no answer? WHAT was I thinking?
10 page Christology paper. This one isn't causing me too much grief, as it's basically an exegesis of sorts on St. Athanasius' Christology. I read the book, I have to read another few pages of another one of his texts, and maybe some of a third source if I decide I'm ambitious. I'm just not entirely sure what exactly my prof is looking for. But I think this one shouldn't be too bad. It's just...writing it.
7-15 page Exegesis take-home final. This one shouldn't be too bad either. It's just frustrating, because we just found out about it last week, and it's due the same day as the Christology paper (which is due the 26th, four days after the bioethics paper is due). And that's just a lot in a very short period of time. And I don't know if it'll be bad, because it might be; I'm just trying to be optimistic that it'll be fairly straightforward once I sit down with our readings and whatnot and start to write it.
So why am I writing in my blog instead of in Word? (Or, my document creator of choice these days, google docs.) Because when there are three papers to write, and they're all due essentially at the same time - since I'm going out of town the weekend before two are due, I want to have at least the bulk of those two both done before I leave, and maybe just leave some tweaking/editing for that weekend. If that. Having all three completely done would be nice, but three papers in two weeks seems a little ambitious. This is me, after all - it's hard to figure out what to do. My brain is jammed. I could sit down and start writing Christology. But then I think I should start on bioethics since that one might take more outside research than I realize. But maybe I should just get the Christology out of the way if I can. But maybe I can just get an outline going for bioethics. See? They're all just there. Moving slowly. I can't get around them. And everything's just getting backed up behind them.
So here I sit. Listening to our first spring storm. Thunder and lightning included. (Lightning sure isn't the same here as in Colorado.) Windows open a bit, fresh rain scent (as fresh as DC gets, anyway) coming in. Unseasonable warmth is gone for the time being. Once this storm is done, in a couple days we'll be back to the 70s, and that'll be nice. Aw. Roommate just closed the windows. How sad. Ok, she left. I opened one again.
Gah. I just need to shut up and start writing one. That's all there is to it.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Easter Victories!
So, obviously Easter is the day we celebrate Christ's ultimate and highest victory over death. And nothing I do can ever really even come close to comparing to that. In the slightest.
But, that said, I did do a few things this weekend I'm more or less proud of:
-This is going to sound stupid, but I sort of successfully managed to curl my hair. For the first time. Ever. Seriously. Hi, I'm Susie, and I've never curled my own hair. (I have tried a few times previously, but as I found out recently, I wasn't holding the curling iron long enough. I guess I was always afraid of burning off my hair. I blame Little Women for this.) Anyway. I bought a curling iron the other day, and made sure to leave myself extra time to get ready for the Vigil last night. And, if I weren't so stubborn against using hairspray (which I don't even own), it would have looked good. As it was, by the time I had finished and we were on our way to Mass, it had turned more wavy than curly. But it still looked ok. This morning I just curled the ends a bit, and it stayed better. So. Cool.
-I made, on my own, deviled eggs (which turned out well), glazed carrots (which really didn't require any work that anyone can't do, so this isn't really on my list), and a coconut bunny cake.
He also has a marshmallow tail, which I didn't get in any of the pictures of it that I took. I was more or less pleased with it, overall. Tastes pretty good too, I guess.
-Um...I guess that's all. I successfully looked good in both Easter dresses I wore this weekend. :-) (Both of which are a size smaller than I ever wear. Which I still don't understand, and am just attributing to them making sizes larger than they used to be.)
-I also got my first sunburn of the year, on Friday. I went to a Stations of the Cross on the National Mall, and we were outside in the (rather warm) sun for a good 3, 3.5 hours. Thankfully sunburns aren't as quick here, compared to CO. But, you know, I just wasn't thinking of sunscreen on April 2. I mean, really. That's crazy. Luckily it's a pretty small part of my body (just the back of my neck).
-Um...oh, since Friday night I've killed a few spiders and at least four stinkbugs. This isn't really a victory, though, since I know that for every one I kill, there are more just waiting to come out and gross me out. Seriously, these stinkbugs. I hate them. I had never seen them before I moved here (to my knowledge, anyway), but I've killed so many since then. Thankfully I had a few months' respite in which I only saw maybe one or two (oddly, the only two I can really think of during the winter months were both the same day, and that day was the 2nd day of the first big February snowstorm, during which we lost power. Two of them just randomly decided to show up in our house that day. Don't worry; they were both killed). But yeah. I hate them. And the thing about them is you can't smoosh them, because apparently the smell they give off attracts other stinkbugs. Which is weird. So I have to flush them down the toilet. (Yes, I could let them go outside, I suppose, but what would be the point in that? They'd just find their way back in.) Very annoying. And it seems like I get more in my room than other rooms do. I've killed a few that were in the kitchen, or the foyer, or whatever, but I've noticed a lot in my room. I don't know what that's about. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to the return of the silverfish, or whatever they are - centipede-looking gross fast bugs. I hate them too. Gosh. I forgot about them. Colorado has it so much better with regard to bugs. (And lots of other things.) Not looking forward to being here for summer months...
-Anyway. Really, I haven't done anything that great during break. And break really wasn't much of a break, since I worked Thursday, and Friday was spent doing churchy things. And we technically have the day off tomorrow, but work is open, and I don't have class Mondays anyway, so really...yeah. It's all good though. We only have four weeks of class left. That is just...crazy.
Now, to bed. Because tomorrow is Easter Monday! And I've been looking forward to going to noon Mass at the Shrine crypt all day. Ever since I got out of Mass this morning. Is that weird? I don't know. I love daily Mass at the Crypt. Mmm. But yes, I love the Octave of Easter! And I love being able to say alleluia again! That part of Mass last night was so great, when Monsignor got up and said something to the random bishop (whom no one could identify...) who was presiding, to the effect of "I announce to you a great joy...[or something like that, and then maybe something else, and then] Alleluia." Just...alleluia. And then of course we sang Alleluia. And then more songs throughout the rest of the Mass with Alleluia. Alleluia. Alleluia. Yay! And at the end of Mass now, the celebrant says "Go in the peace of Christ, alleluia, alleluia." And we respond, "Thanks be to God, alleluia, alleluia." Except both are sung, and it sounds a lot better than just saying it.
And this Friday? We can eat meat! Because the Octave of Easter is an Octave of solemnities! Celebrations! Yay!
But, that said, I did do a few things this weekend I'm more or less proud of:
-This is going to sound stupid, but I sort of successfully managed to curl my hair. For the first time. Ever. Seriously. Hi, I'm Susie, and I've never curled my own hair. (I have tried a few times previously, but as I found out recently, I wasn't holding the curling iron long enough. I guess I was always afraid of burning off my hair. I blame Little Women for this.) Anyway. I bought a curling iron the other day, and made sure to leave myself extra time to get ready for the Vigil last night. And, if I weren't so stubborn against using hairspray (which I don't even own), it would have looked good. As it was, by the time I had finished and we were on our way to Mass, it had turned more wavy than curly. But it still looked ok. This morning I just curled the ends a bit, and it stayed better. So. Cool.
-I made, on my own, deviled eggs (which turned out well), glazed carrots (which really didn't require any work that anyone can't do, so this isn't really on my list), and a coconut bunny cake.
-Um...I guess that's all. I successfully looked good in both Easter dresses I wore this weekend. :-) (Both of which are a size smaller than I ever wear. Which I still don't understand, and am just attributing to them making sizes larger than they used to be.)
-I also got my first sunburn of the year, on Friday. I went to a Stations of the Cross on the National Mall, and we were outside in the (rather warm) sun for a good 3, 3.5 hours. Thankfully sunburns aren't as quick here, compared to CO. But, you know, I just wasn't thinking of sunscreen on April 2. I mean, really. That's crazy. Luckily it's a pretty small part of my body (just the back of my neck).
-Um...oh, since Friday night I've killed a few spiders and at least four stinkbugs. This isn't really a victory, though, since I know that for every one I kill, there are more just waiting to come out and gross me out. Seriously, these stinkbugs. I hate them. I had never seen them before I moved here (to my knowledge, anyway), but I've killed so many since then. Thankfully I had a few months' respite in which I only saw maybe one or two (oddly, the only two I can really think of during the winter months were both the same day, and that day was the 2nd day of the first big February snowstorm, during which we lost power. Two of them just randomly decided to show up in our house that day. Don't worry; they were both killed). But yeah. I hate them. And the thing about them is you can't smoosh them, because apparently the smell they give off attracts other stinkbugs. Which is weird. So I have to flush them down the toilet. (Yes, I could let them go outside, I suppose, but what would be the point in that? They'd just find their way back in.) Very annoying. And it seems like I get more in my room than other rooms do. I've killed a few that were in the kitchen, or the foyer, or whatever, but I've noticed a lot in my room. I don't know what that's about. Ugh. I'm not looking forward to the return of the silverfish, or whatever they are - centipede-looking gross fast bugs. I hate them too. Gosh. I forgot about them. Colorado has it so much better with regard to bugs. (And lots of other things.) Not looking forward to being here for summer months...
-Anyway. Really, I haven't done anything that great during break. And break really wasn't much of a break, since I worked Thursday, and Friday was spent doing churchy things. And we technically have the day off tomorrow, but work is open, and I don't have class Mondays anyway, so really...yeah. It's all good though. We only have four weeks of class left. That is just...crazy.
Now, to bed. Because tomorrow is Easter Monday! And I've been looking forward to going to noon Mass at the Shrine crypt all day. Ever since I got out of Mass this morning. Is that weird? I don't know. I love daily Mass at the Crypt. Mmm. But yes, I love the Octave of Easter! And I love being able to say alleluia again! That part of Mass last night was so great, when Monsignor got up and said something to the random bishop (whom no one could identify...) who was presiding, to the effect of "I announce to you a great joy...[or something like that, and then maybe something else, and then] Alleluia." Just...alleluia. And then of course we sang Alleluia. And then more songs throughout the rest of the Mass with Alleluia. Alleluia. Alleluia. Yay! And at the end of Mass now, the celebrant says "Go in the peace of Christ, alleluia, alleluia." And we respond, "Thanks be to God, alleluia, alleluia." Except both are sung, and it sounds a lot better than just saying it.
And this Friday? We can eat meat! Because the Octave of Easter is an Octave of solemnities! Celebrations! Yay!
Thursday, April 01, 2010
Triduum.
First, a funny clip:
Ok, now to other stuff. So there's a lot going on these days regarding attacks on the Church. Because that's what they are. I mean, yes, it's true - the sex abuse done by priests is really terrible. No one's arguing that. The cover-ups when they came to light initially, when they happened, those are terrible too. Just because someone is Catholic doesn't exonerate them from wrongs done, at all. I don't think there's anyone who is saying that.
BUT. But. The press, and those easily drawn in by a catchy headline, are doing no one any good by spreading lies about the Pope and Catholicism in general. I've seen so many articles lately trying to use the sex abuse cases as reasons why the Church should allow women priests, gay marriage, married priests, birth control, and pretty much all those "controversial" topics about which mainstream society think the Church is wrong. I read one today that claimed Pope Benedict is guilty of "criminal negligence" and must resign. That sex abuse is a "global Catholic problem" (and, seemingly, not a problem in any other institution or religion). And that, since the pope and bishops involved in cover-ups and criminal cases are the same ones who say women can't be ordained (because, you know, it's not like that's a 2000-year-old teaching, or anything), clearly "it's time for the women to take over."
Gosh I am getting myself far too worked up about this. But it's so frustrating, and feels like I'm beating my head against a wall every time I hear a "Catholic" chime in with some op-ed or some article that goes against the Pope, the Bishops, and/or the Church. No, the Pope and Bishops are not free from criticism, and sometimes need that. But in this case they're being unfairly targeted. (Well, not all bishops. But in general.) And with other things of a non-sexual-abuse nature. Like the recent health care debacle. And the nuns who went directly against the bishops, and likely had an important role in getting the terrible bill passed. Not that health care in general is bad, but this bill is. And those nuns helped it pass. And Nancy Pelosi. Why she still calls herself Catholic, I'll never know. She doesn't even know her faith. It's not her faith. She doesn't know the faith of the religion of which she professes to be part. And she leads people astray by continuing to identify with it. That is so frustrating to me. These people in leadership roles, educational roles, roles that people trust and roles that people look up to and believe to be truthful. I realize that the average Catholic today probably doesn't know that much about the specifics of Church teaching. So when they hear Nancy Pelosi saying, "I'm Catholic and this is the truth" and proceeds to say something contrary to Church teaching, the average Catholic won't realize he or she is getting misinformation (if not outright lies). It's a huge problem.
I'm so frustrated by it. Have I mentioned that? Because man oh man, I am. And I'm so bad at sounding coherent when discussing any of this. All day I'm surrounded by people who are so much more articulate than I am (including and especially my genius professors who never fail to make me realize I'll never be as smart as they are). I can't debate this stuff worth beans. But I hate just sitting by not saying anything. It needs to come out somewhere, you know? Better here, I suppose, than, say, at a restaurant with a bar and TVs, one of which happens to be tuned to MSNBC when they're discussing the scandals and erroneously claiming that the Pope knew all about it and was maliciously hiding it so as to protect the priests (or something to that effect), and coming this close to getting into an argument with someone at the bar who clearly thinks the Church deserves whatever it gets. You know, hypothetically, for example.
Well. Sometimes I get all fired up and start writing about something and the very act of writing, even if I haven't even gotten across what I wanted to, seems to take away all my steam. And then it just seems pointless or not important.
Besides, it all boils down to one thing: I love the Church. I LOVE the Church. I love love love the Church. And saying that, and feeling that, does not mean I love an institution over God. Because you know what? It's impossible to separate God from the Church. The very act of loving the Church, following the Church, is the same as loving and following God. And that? Is a very good thing.
Yesterday I went to noon Mass at the Shrine (not unusual for me, of course), and at the end, the priest (who is one of my favorites) announced that there would be no more regular daily Masses after last night's 5:15, and also that yesterday, today, Friday, and Saturday would have solid confession hours from 10am-6pm. Each day. Four priests at all times. I think he said it was something like 128 hours of confession, in four days. I cannot TELL you how happy that made me to hear. Confession is a woefully underused sacrament. I understand why, as who wants to go sit in a teeny room and tell someone else all the terrible, or even just not-very-nice, things you've done with your time lately? I doubt that's anyone's idea of a particularly good time. But it is so good! We NEED more realization of our own sins. We need to be more aware where we fall short. We need to be held accountable for what we do. And we need to be forgiven for all of it. And we are. We so are. It is so easy for God to forgive us! We just have to ask! It's the asking that's hard. But God? He never stops giving. Never, never ever. He's sitting there, just waiting for us to come to him. Waiting to hear from us. Do you know how happy it makes him when you talk to him? Even mundane things. He wants to hear from us. And he really wants to forgive us. He wants to forgive us so much he was willing to die. Die. On a cross. The lowest form of death he could have received, pretty much. Yet he embraced that, for you. And he never wants you to think that you can't come back to him. That you can't ask him for his forgiveness, or that he'll say know. Because GOD LOVES YOU. And me. And him. And that person you can't stand. And he desperately wants to forgive us when we stumble. He knows we're incredibly weak. But oh my goodness, how strong he is. He lifts the whole world from its sin. All we have to do is ask.
Um...anyway...not sure what that was. Point is, it's so beautiful that the Shrine is doing that. I love it. Makes me a little torn whether I should keep going to St. B's (my parish here), or go to the Shrine for the rest of Triduum. Or at least Good Friday service tomorrow. I just don't know...Eh, I guess St. B's is my parish, it's more personal, and it's still beautiful. I mean, it's not Notre Dame, but they do a good job. I don't know. We'll see. I'll definitely go there for the Vigil on Saturday (and Mass on Sunday if I decide to go to Mass in the morning). (Which, why wouldn't I? Silly Susie. An opportunity to go to more Mass? World's easiest decision.)
The only problem with the Triduum is that, man, I was so spoiled for four years. Easter at the Basilica is near-heaven. They sure are good at involving all five senses. In a beautiful, amazing way. Nothing will ever compare to that. But, realizing that, at least I can appreciate the beauty in other places, knowing it won't be as well-done and soul-edifying as it is at Notre Dame. So yeah. Anyway. It's ok.
One thing St. B's did better than Notre Dame: they chose only men to have their feet washed tonight. I love that. (And I hear a certain parish that I may or may not have previously attended at a different time in my life and spiritual journey actually had only women. Explain that to me.) That whole part of Mass was much more moving tonight than it ever was at ND. Quite likely because I could never really see the process there, since it was always so crowded and there aren't that many seats in the Basilica with a very good view of things. And, you know, more of a personal connection with the priest doing the washing. That probably helped too.
Anyhoo. It's the Triduum. I probably shouldn't do much Internetting in the next couple days. Tomorrow morning I'm going to a Stations of the Cross on the Mall. Should be interesting. I had been thinking about going to see the cherry blossoms (either after or instead), not sure if I'll still do that. Depends how long stations goes, I guess. I feel a little weird doing that on Good Friday, but I figure, if I do it after stations, and use it as time to meditate on Christ's passion and his love for me, and God's love for us in taking the time to create the beauty that is nature, it'd be ok. But Good Friday service is at 3, so if I need to, cherry blossoms get cut out. One of the women at work suggested to me today getting up early and going to see them Sunday morning. I rather like that idea, so I think I'm gonna do it. Two major upsides to that: they're supposed to be at their absolute peak on Sunday. (Um, way to have perfect timing, God!) And going that early on Easter Sunday (like, 7am) would more than likely almost guarantee crowds will be rather thin, if not nonexistent. I hear it can get pretty crowded. So. There's that.
It's the Triduum. My favorite four days of the entire year. Every year. And I'm blessed this year to have so many beautiful options available to me - so many that I'm having to choose which beautiful liturgy to go to! Or, where to go to each, I guess would be a more accurate statement.
God is good. So, so good.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Mail Mary | ||||
| ||||
Ok, now to other stuff. So there's a lot going on these days regarding attacks on the Church. Because that's what they are. I mean, yes, it's true - the sex abuse done by priests is really terrible. No one's arguing that. The cover-ups when they came to light initially, when they happened, those are terrible too. Just because someone is Catholic doesn't exonerate them from wrongs done, at all. I don't think there's anyone who is saying that.
BUT. But. The press, and those easily drawn in by a catchy headline, are doing no one any good by spreading lies about the Pope and Catholicism in general. I've seen so many articles lately trying to use the sex abuse cases as reasons why the Church should allow women priests, gay marriage, married priests, birth control, and pretty much all those "controversial" topics about which mainstream society think the Church is wrong. I read one today that claimed Pope Benedict is guilty of "criminal negligence" and must resign. That sex abuse is a "global Catholic problem" (and, seemingly, not a problem in any other institution or religion). And that, since the pope and bishops involved in cover-ups and criminal cases are the same ones who say women can't be ordained (because, you know, it's not like that's a 2000-year-old teaching, or anything), clearly "it's time for the women to take over."
Gosh I am getting myself far too worked up about this. But it's so frustrating, and feels like I'm beating my head against a wall every time I hear a "Catholic" chime in with some op-ed or some article that goes against the Pope, the Bishops, and/or the Church. No, the Pope and Bishops are not free from criticism, and sometimes need that. But in this case they're being unfairly targeted. (Well, not all bishops. But in general.) And with other things of a non-sexual-abuse nature. Like the recent health care debacle. And the nuns who went directly against the bishops, and likely had an important role in getting the terrible bill passed. Not that health care in general is bad, but this bill is. And those nuns helped it pass. And Nancy Pelosi. Why she still calls herself Catholic, I'll never know. She doesn't even know her faith. It's not her faith. She doesn't know the faith of the religion of which she professes to be part. And she leads people astray by continuing to identify with it. That is so frustrating to me. These people in leadership roles, educational roles, roles that people trust and roles that people look up to and believe to be truthful. I realize that the average Catholic today probably doesn't know that much about the specifics of Church teaching. So when they hear Nancy Pelosi saying, "I'm Catholic and this is the truth" and proceeds to say something contrary to Church teaching, the average Catholic won't realize he or she is getting misinformation (if not outright lies). It's a huge problem.
I'm so frustrated by it. Have I mentioned that? Because man oh man, I am. And I'm so bad at sounding coherent when discussing any of this. All day I'm surrounded by people who are so much more articulate than I am (including and especially my genius professors who never fail to make me realize I'll never be as smart as they are). I can't debate this stuff worth beans. But I hate just sitting by not saying anything. It needs to come out somewhere, you know? Better here, I suppose, than, say, at a restaurant with a bar and TVs, one of which happens to be tuned to MSNBC when they're discussing the scandals and erroneously claiming that the Pope knew all about it and was maliciously hiding it so as to protect the priests (or something to that effect), and coming this close to getting into an argument with someone at the bar who clearly thinks the Church deserves whatever it gets. You know, hypothetically, for example.
Well. Sometimes I get all fired up and start writing about something and the very act of writing, even if I haven't even gotten across what I wanted to, seems to take away all my steam. And then it just seems pointless or not important.
Besides, it all boils down to one thing: I love the Church. I LOVE the Church. I love love love the Church. And saying that, and feeling that, does not mean I love an institution over God. Because you know what? It's impossible to separate God from the Church. The very act of loving the Church, following the Church, is the same as loving and following God. And that? Is a very good thing.
Yesterday I went to noon Mass at the Shrine (not unusual for me, of course), and at the end, the priest (who is one of my favorites) announced that there would be no more regular daily Masses after last night's 5:15, and also that yesterday, today, Friday, and Saturday would have solid confession hours from 10am-6pm. Each day. Four priests at all times. I think he said it was something like 128 hours of confession, in four days. I cannot TELL you how happy that made me to hear. Confession is a woefully underused sacrament. I understand why, as who wants to go sit in a teeny room and tell someone else all the terrible, or even just not-very-nice, things you've done with your time lately? I doubt that's anyone's idea of a particularly good time. But it is so good! We NEED more realization of our own sins. We need to be more aware where we fall short. We need to be held accountable for what we do. And we need to be forgiven for all of it. And we are. We so are. It is so easy for God to forgive us! We just have to ask! It's the asking that's hard. But God? He never stops giving. Never, never ever. He's sitting there, just waiting for us to come to him. Waiting to hear from us. Do you know how happy it makes him when you talk to him? Even mundane things. He wants to hear from us. And he really wants to forgive us. He wants to forgive us so much he was willing to die. Die. On a cross. The lowest form of death he could have received, pretty much. Yet he embraced that, for you. And he never wants you to think that you can't come back to him. That you can't ask him for his forgiveness, or that he'll say know. Because GOD LOVES YOU. And me. And him. And that person you can't stand. And he desperately wants to forgive us when we stumble. He knows we're incredibly weak. But oh my goodness, how strong he is. He lifts the whole world from its sin. All we have to do is ask.
Um...anyway...not sure what that was. Point is, it's so beautiful that the Shrine is doing that. I love it. Makes me a little torn whether I should keep going to St. B's (my parish here), or go to the Shrine for the rest of Triduum. Or at least Good Friday service tomorrow. I just don't know...Eh, I guess St. B's is my parish, it's more personal, and it's still beautiful. I mean, it's not Notre Dame, but they do a good job. I don't know. We'll see. I'll definitely go there for the Vigil on Saturday (and Mass on Sunday if I decide to go to Mass in the morning). (Which, why wouldn't I? Silly Susie. An opportunity to go to more Mass? World's easiest decision.)
The only problem with the Triduum is that, man, I was so spoiled for four years. Easter at the Basilica is near-heaven. They sure are good at involving all five senses. In a beautiful, amazing way. Nothing will ever compare to that. But, realizing that, at least I can appreciate the beauty in other places, knowing it won't be as well-done and soul-edifying as it is at Notre Dame. So yeah. Anyway. It's ok.
One thing St. B's did better than Notre Dame: they chose only men to have their feet washed tonight. I love that. (And I hear a certain parish that I may or may not have previously attended at a different time in my life and spiritual journey actually had only women. Explain that to me.) That whole part of Mass was much more moving tonight than it ever was at ND. Quite likely because I could never really see the process there, since it was always so crowded and there aren't that many seats in the Basilica with a very good view of things. And, you know, more of a personal connection with the priest doing the washing. That probably helped too.
Anyhoo. It's the Triduum. I probably shouldn't do much Internetting in the next couple days. Tomorrow morning I'm going to a Stations of the Cross on the Mall. Should be interesting. I had been thinking about going to see the cherry blossoms (either after or instead), not sure if I'll still do that. Depends how long stations goes, I guess. I feel a little weird doing that on Good Friday, but I figure, if I do it after stations, and use it as time to meditate on Christ's passion and his love for me, and God's love for us in taking the time to create the beauty that is nature, it'd be ok. But Good Friday service is at 3, so if I need to, cherry blossoms get cut out. One of the women at work suggested to me today getting up early and going to see them Sunday morning. I rather like that idea, so I think I'm gonna do it. Two major upsides to that: they're supposed to be at their absolute peak on Sunday. (Um, way to have perfect timing, God!) And going that early on Easter Sunday (like, 7am) would more than likely almost guarantee crowds will be rather thin, if not nonexistent. I hear it can get pretty crowded. So. There's that.
It's the Triduum. My favorite four days of the entire year. Every year. And I'm blessed this year to have so many beautiful options available to me - so many that I'm having to choose which beautiful liturgy to go to! Or, where to go to each, I guess would be a more accurate statement.
God is good. So, so good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)