Someone whom I rather admire and is awesome just posted this on Facebook this morning: "There are many things I want for my daughter. The greatest is for her to grow up knowing God. The second is for her to grow up slow."
A lovely sentiment in what was meant, of course, and I'm a terrible person for even noticing - let alone pointing out - that it could mean something else rather...different.
Haha. I'm a terrible person, yes, but it kind of makes me laugh. Utilize the -ly, people! It's your friend, I promise!
(This is where I put a video of the song The Lees of Old Virginia from 1776, if I could find it.)
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Things I will not be sad to leave
Yes, there are some things I'll miss about DC. The typical touristy things, which I do get a kick out of (especially seeing the Capitol and monuments and such every day. I really do enjoy that). My church here. The pretty flowers and such in the spring. Fireflies in the summer. ...yeah. I'm sure there's more. ;-)
But, since I'm in a crabby mood tonight (having to write a 10 page paper that you just absolutely couldn't care less about and have even less motivation to do doesn't typically incite a bubbly, cheerful persona), I'm going to focus on the negatives, which I will not miss.
And I just really want to be back in the mountains. Back taking Nutmeg for a walk around Palmer Park, and anywhere else. Back breathing fresh air. Drinking tap water that's not disgusting (even if it is all just in my head here).
Most of all, I really just want this paper to be written, because I hate it, and it hates me, and I just want to go knit. I have some fun projects on the needles. And two of them have deadlines! Which was dumb of me, considering I had this paper, and I have finals next week. But I just can't help the way these things work out sometimes. (Ok, full disclosure, one is a shawl for me to wear with the dress I got for graduation. I'm super excited about it. And it's the first time I've knit with this particular yarn, and I kind of love it. AND I'm knitting it with one of those two pairs of needles I got recently to try out to see if I wanted to invest in the whole set, and I really, really love those needles, as it (unsurprisingly) turns out. So, that's fun. I would discuss more just why I love them so much, and even more than the needles I got a few pairs of back in December, and a couple more since, which first made me realize that there are needles out there far better than the basic bamboo needles, but I'm not sure anyone who reads this would really understand what I'm talking about. Needless to say, they're awesome, and I might have happened to order the whole set last week, maybe. I'm not telling. But I have some blankets planned for the summer, and it'll be so much more delightful to knit them now. Which is saying a lot because I love knitting blankets. Even in the summer. Another one of the projects I'm working on, I mostly love because I'm just in love with the colors of the yarn. It's addictive to watch.)
Focus, Susie. Get this paper done. Even if it sucks, it'll be done. And then no more graduate-level papers. Until you get your next degree. (HA. Hahaha. But seriously. Who knows. I've always thought I should get a degree in library science...)
But, since I'm in a crabby mood tonight (having to write a 10 page paper that you just absolutely couldn't care less about and have even less motivation to do doesn't typically incite a bubbly, cheerful persona), I'm going to focus on the negatives, which I will not miss.
- Traffic, and dumb drivers. (Well, I guess dumb drivers aren't limited to our nation's capital.)
- The non-delicious tap water.
- Humidity. Luckily this hasn't hit too badly yet, though.
- Stink bugs. I killed my first last night. I hate those things.
- Centipedes. Haven't really seen any since I moved to the apartment, but I had a dream with them the other night. They're just plain disgusting.
- The lack of nature.
- The lack of my dog.
- High gas prices. (I think it's a good $.50 higher here than the average in Colorado right now.)
- Having homework. Haha. I suppose that's not DC's fault, though.
- Higher living expenses in general.
- Lots of noise.
- This dumb apartment with its dumb windows I always have such a hard time opening. (Not to mention the neighbors who always, always seem to find it necessarily to slam their door shut. Maybe I'm too sensitive to that one, though. Maybe partially because my room is right above and next to their door, and I hear it every. single. time they open and close it. Especially because it squeaks.)
- Lack of my family.
And I just really want to be back in the mountains. Back taking Nutmeg for a walk around Palmer Park, and anywhere else. Back breathing fresh air. Drinking tap water that's not disgusting (even if it is all just in my head here).
Most of all, I really just want this paper to be written, because I hate it, and it hates me, and I just want to go knit. I have some fun projects on the needles. And two of them have deadlines! Which was dumb of me, considering I had this paper, and I have finals next week. But I just can't help the way these things work out sometimes. (Ok, full disclosure, one is a shawl for me to wear with the dress I got for graduation. I'm super excited about it. And it's the first time I've knit with this particular yarn, and I kind of love it. AND I'm knitting it with one of those two pairs of needles I got recently to try out to see if I wanted to invest in the whole set, and I really, really love those needles, as it (unsurprisingly) turns out. So, that's fun. I would discuss more just why I love them so much, and even more than the needles I got a few pairs of back in December, and a couple more since, which first made me realize that there are needles out there far better than the basic bamboo needles, but I'm not sure anyone who reads this would really understand what I'm talking about. Needless to say, they're awesome, and I might have happened to order the whole set last week, maybe. I'm not telling. But I have some blankets planned for the summer, and it'll be so much more delightful to knit them now. Which is saying a lot because I love knitting blankets. Even in the summer. Another one of the projects I'm working on, I mostly love because I'm just in love with the colors of the yarn. It's addictive to watch.)
Focus, Susie. Get this paper done. Even if it sucks, it'll be done. And then no more graduate-level papers. Until you get your next degree. (HA. Hahaha. But seriously. Who knows. I've always thought I should get a degree in library science...)
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Rockies would explode of overperfection with them.
If nothing else, being here for two years has shown me something I love more than almost anything else on God's green earth. (Obviously, I've gotten more out of the last two years than just this, though.)
Did you guess I'd say...azaleas?
It's silly, I know. Stupid, even. But the sight of those azaleas last year did something to me. And seeing them bloom again now, after waiting all year to see them again, I'm just so blown away by how striking they are. There's a lot of color that is associated with spring, particularly in areas that aren't Colorado (let's just be honest here). In DC, we have the cherry blossoms, we have dogwoods (which I also very much love), we have these pink sort of rose-looking flowered trees that I have yet to determine what exactly they are. There are tulips. There are daffodils (another very much favorite - even more so because they're one of the first things that seem to bloom, and they're cheery and yellow and I love them). And then there are...azaleas. More vibrant color than I've ever seen. From far away, they just look...soft. But so striking. It's hard to describe, but I still try. Seeing azaleas is like tasting the most delicious, flavorful dessert you can imagine. It's like hearing the most beautiful, harmonious symphony that almost brings you to tears. (Or, in my case, hearing a song like one of my favorites - "The Ludlows" from the Legends of the Fall soundtrack. Well, that song, and a dozen others.) Or maybe it's like hearing that voice you've missed and longed to hear for so long. It's like smelling some sweet scent that brings you back to a favorite childhood memory. It's like feeling the softest yarn (alpaca, or maybe merino wool, if you like those sorts of things). Or it could be like feeling someone's arms around you that you haven't felt in months.
Maybe it's not really like any of those things. It's its own beautiful experience, filled with so much heartrending emotion that can't be put into words, but that makes you want to laugh and cry and sing and shout and express the gratitude and love that's trying to burst out of you, thankfulness for this simple little thing. It's short-lived, as most strikingly wonderful experiences are. It's one of those things you could just sit and stare at for hours, and still find more beauty to admire. It's a multitude of pinks and reds and purples and whites, amidst a background of green. It's almost neon, but not obnoxiously so, just enough to catch your attention - and hold it. It's something you want to soak up as much as you can, because you know it won't last forever. It's something that belongs in my dreams, but here it is, real and right in front of me, and aren't I lucky for that?
God is awesome.
Did you guess I'd say...azaleas?
It's silly, I know. Stupid, even. But the sight of those azaleas last year did something to me. And seeing them bloom again now, after waiting all year to see them again, I'm just so blown away by how striking they are. There's a lot of color that is associated with spring, particularly in areas that aren't Colorado (let's just be honest here). In DC, we have the cherry blossoms, we have dogwoods (which I also very much love), we have these pink sort of rose-looking flowered trees that I have yet to determine what exactly they are. There are tulips. There are daffodils (another very much favorite - even more so because they're one of the first things that seem to bloom, and they're cheery and yellow and I love them). And then there are...azaleas. More vibrant color than I've ever seen. From far away, they just look...soft. But so striking. It's hard to describe, but I still try. Seeing azaleas is like tasting the most delicious, flavorful dessert you can imagine. It's like hearing the most beautiful, harmonious symphony that almost brings you to tears. (Or, in my case, hearing a song like one of my favorites - "The Ludlows" from the Legends of the Fall soundtrack. Well, that song, and a dozen others.) Or maybe it's like hearing that voice you've missed and longed to hear for so long. It's like smelling some sweet scent that brings you back to a favorite childhood memory. It's like feeling the softest yarn (alpaca, or maybe merino wool, if you like those sorts of things). Or it could be like feeling someone's arms around you that you haven't felt in months.
Maybe it's not really like any of those things. It's its own beautiful experience, filled with so much heartrending emotion that can't be put into words, but that makes you want to laugh and cry and sing and shout and express the gratitude and love that's trying to burst out of you, thankfulness for this simple little thing. It's short-lived, as most strikingly wonderful experiences are. It's one of those things you could just sit and stare at for hours, and still find more beauty to admire. It's a multitude of pinks and reds and purples and whites, amidst a background of green. It's almost neon, but not obnoxiously so, just enough to catch your attention - and hold it. It's something you want to soak up as much as you can, because you know it won't last forever. It's something that belongs in my dreams, but here it is, real and right in front of me, and aren't I lucky for that?
God is awesome.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Dear Whoever You Might Be...
I can hardly believe it. I'll be home in a month. I have three weeks left of school, including finals. It's all just so crazy. Still not sure how I feel about it all, but I'll just keep chugging along, because how I feel is pretty inconsequential to it all. Whether I'm excited or sad or melancholy or giddy about leaving, it's going to happen, and that's that. I just hope it's all the right thing. (A part of me still thinks I might should have just stayed, at least through May if not through the end of my internship in September. Not really so much on the staying all summer, but maybe May. But even then, I don't really want to, and it's more convenient this way, if not perhaps more logical. And thus, it is happening.) Ah, well, can we ever really know for sure? Probably. But I don't usually. :-)
What I know is, I sent graduation invitations this week (which, by the way, I stressed out about a lot - will people think I'm sending them invitations just in the hopes they'll send me money? Will they feel obligated to go? Should I send them to more of my personal friends who I know would never be able to come? I'm a little crazy, in case you didn't know), and because I'm weird and wasn't sure how to do it, I included a little note in all of them, written on stationery I've had since I was probably eight. It's very appropriate for someone getting her master's degree - at the top is a picture of a golden retriever chewing on a green apple. Yup. Haha. Ah, well, whatevs. Obviously I didn't write enough as a youngster if I still have a pad of that. And obviously I'm not cool enough to have more grown-up personalized stationery. But hey, it's all good. Just because I'm awesome and getting a master's degree doesn't mean I'm pretentious! I still like dogs! And cute pictures of them! (Yes, let's go with that. That's the message I was trying to send by using that stationery. Indeed.)
Aw, I'm really going to miss touristy DC. The monuments, how I love them. The museums (woo for free museums!) and all their awesome glory. The history. Sigh. This is one of the best places to visit, I'm quite sure of that. Take a week and come here, and you won't be sorry. (Your wallet might, because nothing here is cheap. I guess that's why it's nice to have free museums and nice monumental picture backdrops, eh?)
I'm additionally really going to miss my church. It's such a lovely place. I'm glad I had seven-ish months to go there. And I'm so looking forward to celebrating the Triduum there. So much. Even if it is kind of depressing to go to all the Eastery stuff alone. But hey, I did it almost every year in college. It's all good. Maybe some kindly old lady will see me all by myself and invite me to sit with her family, which will of course include a handsome single young man. Except...I don't really see a lot of old people at my church, interestingly. Maybe it's just the Mass I go to. Or maybe some single handsome young man, who is also spending Easter alone, will end up sitting next to me somehow. Hahaha. Ah, isn't it fun to imagine things that won't happen? (Wouldn't that be an interesting twist - two years in DC, and I meet someone three weeks before I'm going home. Ha. Well, luckily with my personality, that'll never happen.)
I can't wait to get started on some knitting projects that I'll get working on once I finish a couple that I currently have going. Specifically, a blanket or two I have planned. I'm so excited about them. I really love knitting blankets. They're huge, and unwieldy, and unportable, not to mention warm (which is great when knitting them in the fall or winter, but not so nice when knitting in the middle of summer. Like last summer, when I worked on two different afghans, which were quite warm, and it was in the middle of a 100+ degree heat wave in humid DC), but man, I just loooooove them. And I have two planned that I'm going to use a wool yarn I quite enjoy. A lot. Mmmmm twill be delicious!
I love my family so much. I'm probably like an annoying gnat to them sometimes, but I just love them. They're wonderful, and they love me (even when I am an annoying gnat). Family is great. I'm so grateful I have the family I do. We're not perfect by any means, but we're pretty good, and we get along pretty well, which is more than a lot of families can say, I think. Plus, they're super fun, and make me laugh a lot, and I really like people who make me laugh. So, that's cool. :-)
My friend sent me this song today:
I kind of love it a lot. It's so...true. Ha. (And it's so nice that I have a friend who exactly and totally can relate to it like I can. I don't know WHAT I'm gonna do when some guy snatches her up like she deserves. You know, in a good way. Since she's fabulously awesome. And I'm glad God made us friends, knowing we'd be able to commiserate together in a way that few others can really understand. :-) I'm quite lucky.)
Today is April 16. More than halfway through the month. Pope Benedict's birthday! 84! May he have many more yet. :-) Also feast of St. Bernadette! I love Lourdes, and I love St. Bernadette.
And...I think that's about it.
What I know is, I sent graduation invitations this week (which, by the way, I stressed out about a lot - will people think I'm sending them invitations just in the hopes they'll send me money? Will they feel obligated to go? Should I send them to more of my personal friends who I know would never be able to come? I'm a little crazy, in case you didn't know), and because I'm weird and wasn't sure how to do it, I included a little note in all of them, written on stationery I've had since I was probably eight. It's very appropriate for someone getting her master's degree - at the top is a picture of a golden retriever chewing on a green apple. Yup. Haha. Ah, well, whatevs. Obviously I didn't write enough as a youngster if I still have a pad of that. And obviously I'm not cool enough to have more grown-up personalized stationery. But hey, it's all good. Just because I'm awesome and getting a master's degree doesn't mean I'm pretentious! I still like dogs! And cute pictures of them! (Yes, let's go with that. That's the message I was trying to send by using that stationery. Indeed.)
Aw, I'm really going to miss touristy DC. The monuments, how I love them. The museums (woo for free museums!) and all their awesome glory. The history. Sigh. This is one of the best places to visit, I'm quite sure of that. Take a week and come here, and you won't be sorry. (Your wallet might, because nothing here is cheap. I guess that's why it's nice to have free museums and nice monumental picture backdrops, eh?)
I'm additionally really going to miss my church. It's such a lovely place. I'm glad I had seven-ish months to go there. And I'm so looking forward to celebrating the Triduum there. So much. Even if it is kind of depressing to go to all the Eastery stuff alone. But hey, I did it almost every year in college. It's all good. Maybe some kindly old lady will see me all by myself and invite me to sit with her family, which will of course include a handsome single young man. Except...I don't really see a lot of old people at my church, interestingly. Maybe it's just the Mass I go to. Or maybe some single handsome young man, who is also spending Easter alone, will end up sitting next to me somehow. Hahaha. Ah, isn't it fun to imagine things that won't happen? (Wouldn't that be an interesting twist - two years in DC, and I meet someone three weeks before I'm going home. Ha. Well, luckily with my personality, that'll never happen.)
I can't wait to get started on some knitting projects that I'll get working on once I finish a couple that I currently have going. Specifically, a blanket or two I have planned. I'm so excited about them. I really love knitting blankets. They're huge, and unwieldy, and unportable, not to mention warm (which is great when knitting them in the fall or winter, but not so nice when knitting in the middle of summer. Like last summer, when I worked on two different afghans, which were quite warm, and it was in the middle of a 100+ degree heat wave in humid DC), but man, I just loooooove them. And I have two planned that I'm going to use a wool yarn I quite enjoy. A lot. Mmmmm twill be delicious!
I love my family so much. I'm probably like an annoying gnat to them sometimes, but I just love them. They're wonderful, and they love me (even when I am an annoying gnat). Family is great. I'm so grateful I have the family I do. We're not perfect by any means, but we're pretty good, and we get along pretty well, which is more than a lot of families can say, I think. Plus, they're super fun, and make me laugh a lot, and I really like people who make me laugh. So, that's cool. :-)
My friend sent me this song today:
I kind of love it a lot. It's so...true. Ha. (And it's so nice that I have a friend who exactly and totally can relate to it like I can. I don't know WHAT I'm gonna do when some guy snatches her up like she deserves. You know, in a good way. Since she's fabulously awesome. And I'm glad God made us friends, knowing we'd be able to commiserate together in a way that few others can really understand. :-) I'm quite lucky.)
Today is April 16. More than halfway through the month. Pope Benedict's birthday! 84! May he have many more yet. :-) Also feast of St. Bernadette! I love Lourdes, and I love St. Bernadette.
And...I think that's about it.
Monday, April 11, 2011
P is for Miracle
Guess who has two thumbs and passed all of her comprehensive exams? This girl.
That one goes straight to God. With a little help from Saints Anthony, Jude, Joseph, Joseph of Cupertino, Rita, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and Thomas Aquinas. And all you wonderful people who prayed for me. Couldn't have done it without all you guys!
So that's cool. And pretty miraculous. (Even if pretty much everyone else passed, too. I could easily have been the one who didn't!)
And now, home stretch. Still stuff I have to get done, though, which is hard. Very little motivation left. And this week is my last full week of classes, which is crazy. (We have next Thursday and Friday off, and the following Monday, for Easter break.) Then it's finals, then graduation. It's gonna go fast.
The weather's finally been starting to get nice! I think everything's taking longer to bloom this year, because we still really haven't had a good run of warm weather yet. Last Monday and today were in the 80s, but they've both been anomalies for the rest of the week. (Last week it went from mid 80s to like 50s and stormy the next day. This week it's just going back to the 60s, which isn't bad.) I haven't seen any azaleas yet! I don't know if I will this year; last year so many of the ones I saw were in our neighborhood and driving through town on the way to school. But I drive from the other direction this year. Maybe Virginia doesn't believe in azaleas. Alas. We shall see. Maybe I'll just have to take a trip up to Silver Spring to go see some. ;-)
Next week is the Triduum, which I'm super excited about. As usual. I really love Lent. And I'm glad that it ends with such a bang as it does with the Triduum, because I really really love the Triduum. I'm very excited to do Triduum services at St. Rita's this year. Have I mentioned that I love that church? Because, um, I do. A lot. I know they'll do a fab job with those Masses. I'll be by myself most of the weekend (roomie #1 will probably go home Wednesday or so, roomie #2 is leaving for 10 days or something to go home on Holy Saturday and then her sister's wedding the next weekend). It'll either be great or kinda depressing. I mean, it'll really only be a couple days I'll be here by myself, since Alissa will probably come back Monday if not Sunday night or something. And one of my former roommates is doing an Easter brunch like we did last year, so if I'm feeling lonely I'll probably just go to that. Well, I probably will anyway. I'm also trying to decide if I want to invite myself to my aunt and uncle's in NJ, but I'd only go up on Sunday since I want to do the Triduum down here...not sure it'd be worth it. Anyway. I like the days when I have the whole place to myself, sometimes. But usually it's not for more than just a night, so we'll see how I feel being alone that long. Haha.
Know what's funny? I was looking at our graduating class list tonight, and I realized that I'm second from last in alphabetical order by last name. My last name starts with an O - not exactly the end of the alphabet. And the last person's last name starts with a P. Weird. Not sure why, but it's weird. I mean, there are only 15 of us, but we're very early-alphabet stacked, apparently. :-)
I smelled freshly cut grass today. It is a delectable smell, that's for sure. Mmm spring and summertime. (Of course, it's also rather humid today, relatively, and I'm not looking forward to that - but the good news is I'll get out of here before it gets too bad!) (Also, bugs. Was reminded that those exist yesterday when I went hiking. Definitely not so much looking forward to that, too. But, I might might just get out of here without seeing another centipede, and that would be quite a victory. I haven't seen one - knock on wood - since I moved in here in August. And I'm pretty sure that last one I saw, the only one I've seen in this apartment, was a stowaway from the stuff I moved in.)
I'm sort of in love with the world right now. Aside from all the crazy crap that's going on. Not sure if it's just because it's spring, or because comps are over (for good! all passed!), or because I will be graduated in a month, and going home, or what, but things are just so good. Nah, it's definitely not just comps-related - things started looking beautiful even before I found out I passed. Maybe it's spring. More likely it's God, because he's awesome. Although, he did make spring, so...you know. He also helped me pass comps too, come to that. Ah, loveliness. (Of course my pessimistic side can't help but wait for the shoe to drop, you know? Guess I'll enjoy whatever this is as long as I can. Who knows, maybe it'll be a pretty pair of shoes!)
Also in love with knitting. Shawls, especially. I can't knit fast enough. Also doesn't help that I have four things going right now. Wait, five. Soon to start a sixth. Some are less interesting than others, some are waiting for the proper needles, and some are just side projects for when I need something boring that doesn't require concentration. Only one's really a serious knit. But still. Tons o fun. And I have yarn for at least three projects I'm excited about that I probably won't start until I'm back home. But I can't wait! Although, they're not for me, so that's always a little scary. Sometimes it takes a lot to give up things I knit for other people, worried they won't like them. Just gotta do it and hope for the best, though. Half the fun is in the knitting, anyway.
I have a lot of yarn. I'm just going to say that. I think I might need to dump some of my clothes at a thrift store or something before I leave so I can make room for the yarn. Haha. (I don't know the yarn stores in the Springs that well, and what they carry, so I think a part of me has been wanting to stock up while I can, when I find sales around here and whatnot. I think I have enough to last me a good while, though...haha. Ah, well.)
I like listening to Elton John. I wish he weren't so...well, whatever. His music is highly enjoyable, though. Especially when driving in the car with the windows down. Mmmhmmmm.
I know I'm gonna miss things about being here. But it'll be so good to go home. I just need to find a job. Sigh. I suck at that part of life. Can someone write a cover letter for me? Thanks. Appreciate it.
Also, I'm not very photogenic. I hate most pictures of me. Probably why I don't think I'm very attractive in general. It's hard to get around that mindset, let me tell you. The pictures I have from yesterday's hike, I hate most of the ones with me in it. Sigh. I hope it's me being overparticular, but I'm not so sure. (Sometimes it's really confidence-crushing to be rather tall and not rather thin. Amazonish, as I prefer to call it.) (Not to mention my weird personality.) Oh well. Maybe someone will love me someday in spite of that. Or, better yet, because of it! :-P
Ok. I should stop writing things now.
Hey, remember when I passed comps and it was miraculous? I do too. That was pretty sweet. (I didn't believe it at first, even when I read it. Seriously. But there it was, both on the top congratulatory page, and the second page that broke down the individual tests - and said "Pass" next to each one! It's a pretty cool feeling, I can tell you.) Woot.
That one goes straight to God. With a little help from Saints Anthony, Jude, Joseph, Joseph of Cupertino, Rita, Elizabeth Ann Seton, and Thomas Aquinas. And all you wonderful people who prayed for me. Couldn't have done it without all you guys!
So that's cool. And pretty miraculous. (Even if pretty much everyone else passed, too. I could easily have been the one who didn't!)
And now, home stretch. Still stuff I have to get done, though, which is hard. Very little motivation left. And this week is my last full week of classes, which is crazy. (We have next Thursday and Friday off, and the following Monday, for Easter break.) Then it's finals, then graduation. It's gonna go fast.
The weather's finally been starting to get nice! I think everything's taking longer to bloom this year, because we still really haven't had a good run of warm weather yet. Last Monday and today were in the 80s, but they've both been anomalies for the rest of the week. (Last week it went from mid 80s to like 50s and stormy the next day. This week it's just going back to the 60s, which isn't bad.) I haven't seen any azaleas yet! I don't know if I will this year; last year so many of the ones I saw were in our neighborhood and driving through town on the way to school. But I drive from the other direction this year. Maybe Virginia doesn't believe in azaleas. Alas. We shall see. Maybe I'll just have to take a trip up to Silver Spring to go see some. ;-)
Next week is the Triduum, which I'm super excited about. As usual. I really love Lent. And I'm glad that it ends with such a bang as it does with the Triduum, because I really really love the Triduum. I'm very excited to do Triduum services at St. Rita's this year. Have I mentioned that I love that church? Because, um, I do. A lot. I know they'll do a fab job with those Masses. I'll be by myself most of the weekend (roomie #1 will probably go home Wednesday or so, roomie #2 is leaving for 10 days or something to go home on Holy Saturday and then her sister's wedding the next weekend). It'll either be great or kinda depressing. I mean, it'll really only be a couple days I'll be here by myself, since Alissa will probably come back Monday if not Sunday night or something. And one of my former roommates is doing an Easter brunch like we did last year, so if I'm feeling lonely I'll probably just go to that. Well, I probably will anyway. I'm also trying to decide if I want to invite myself to my aunt and uncle's in NJ, but I'd only go up on Sunday since I want to do the Triduum down here...not sure it'd be worth it. Anyway. I like the days when I have the whole place to myself, sometimes. But usually it's not for more than just a night, so we'll see how I feel being alone that long. Haha.
Know what's funny? I was looking at our graduating class list tonight, and I realized that I'm second from last in alphabetical order by last name. My last name starts with an O - not exactly the end of the alphabet. And the last person's last name starts with a P. Weird. Not sure why, but it's weird. I mean, there are only 15 of us, but we're very early-alphabet stacked, apparently. :-)
I smelled freshly cut grass today. It is a delectable smell, that's for sure. Mmm spring and summertime. (Of course, it's also rather humid today, relatively, and I'm not looking forward to that - but the good news is I'll get out of here before it gets too bad!) (Also, bugs. Was reminded that those exist yesterday when I went hiking. Definitely not so much looking forward to that, too. But, I might might just get out of here without seeing another centipede, and that would be quite a victory. I haven't seen one - knock on wood - since I moved in here in August. And I'm pretty sure that last one I saw, the only one I've seen in this apartment, was a stowaway from the stuff I moved in.)
I'm sort of in love with the world right now. Aside from all the crazy crap that's going on. Not sure if it's just because it's spring, or because comps are over (for good! all passed!), or because I will be graduated in a month, and going home, or what, but things are just so good. Nah, it's definitely not just comps-related - things started looking beautiful even before I found out I passed. Maybe it's spring. More likely it's God, because he's awesome. Although, he did make spring, so...you know. He also helped me pass comps too, come to that. Ah, loveliness. (Of course my pessimistic side can't help but wait for the shoe to drop, you know? Guess I'll enjoy whatever this is as long as I can. Who knows, maybe it'll be a pretty pair of shoes!)
Also in love with knitting. Shawls, especially. I can't knit fast enough. Also doesn't help that I have four things going right now. Wait, five. Soon to start a sixth. Some are less interesting than others, some are waiting for the proper needles, and some are just side projects for when I need something boring that doesn't require concentration. Only one's really a serious knit. But still. Tons o fun. And I have yarn for at least three projects I'm excited about that I probably won't start until I'm back home. But I can't wait! Although, they're not for me, so that's always a little scary. Sometimes it takes a lot to give up things I knit for other people, worried they won't like them. Just gotta do it and hope for the best, though. Half the fun is in the knitting, anyway.
I have a lot of yarn. I'm just going to say that. I think I might need to dump some of my clothes at a thrift store or something before I leave so I can make room for the yarn. Haha. (I don't know the yarn stores in the Springs that well, and what they carry, so I think a part of me has been wanting to stock up while I can, when I find sales around here and whatnot. I think I have enough to last me a good while, though...haha. Ah, well.)
I like listening to Elton John. I wish he weren't so...well, whatever. His music is highly enjoyable, though. Especially when driving in the car with the windows down. Mmmhmmmm.
I know I'm gonna miss things about being here. But it'll be so good to go home. I just need to find a job. Sigh. I suck at that part of life. Can someone write a cover letter for me? Thanks. Appreciate it.
Also, I'm not very photogenic. I hate most pictures of me. Probably why I don't think I'm very attractive in general. It's hard to get around that mindset, let me tell you. The pictures I have from yesterday's hike, I hate most of the ones with me in it. Sigh. I hope it's me being overparticular, but I'm not so sure. (Sometimes it's really confidence-crushing to be rather tall and not rather thin. Amazonish, as I prefer to call it.) (Not to mention my weird personality.) Oh well. Maybe someone will love me someday in spite of that. Or, better yet, because of it! :-P
Ok. I should stop writing things now.
Hey, remember when I passed comps and it was miraculous? I do too. That was pretty sweet. (I didn't believe it at first, even when I read it. Seriously. But there it was, both on the top congratulatory page, and the second page that broke down the individual tests - and said "Pass" next to each one! It's a pretty cool feeling, I can tell you.) Woot.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Wow.
These are real.
I wonder what Americans will think of us in a hundred years. I suppose we have yet to find out exactly the effect all that's going on now will have, but...embarrassing. To say the least. Sigh...
This one made me laugh, though. (Although...it's also pretty sad.)
Oh man. Prayer. That's about all we can do right now. That, and not re-elect Obama. (Gosh, I can't even fathom that. WHO would still vote for him? I know lots would, and I still see tons of Obama stickers every day on cars all over the place here, but...why, why, why?)
I wonder what Americans will think of us in a hundred years. I suppose we have yet to find out exactly the effect all that's going on now will have, but...embarrassing. To say the least. Sigh...
This one made me laugh, though. (Although...it's also pretty sad.)
Oh man. Prayer. That's about all we can do right now. That, and not re-elect Obama. (Gosh, I can't even fathom that. WHO would still vote for him? I know lots would, and I still see tons of Obama stickers every day on cars all over the place here, but...why, why, why?)
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Oh my God
There's been a lot of talk about confession this Lent, I've noticed. Maybe it's always there, but many people are recognizing that it's a problem how few Catholics go to confession on a regular basis (if at all). I'm quite certain we're not sinning less, but it seems that recognition of sin as sin has somewhat lessened. For a variety of reasons.
Coincidentally, or maybe not so, I've gone to confession three times in the last three and a half weeks. The first time was the day before comps, and I hadn't gone in like five weeks or something like that (I've been trying to go at least monthly for awhile), and I just needed to get myself spiritually clean as one of my final preparations for comps. And it felt good.
I went again the next week, too, although I don't think I'd ever before gone twice in such a short amount of time. (Not to say I haven't needed to at points, though, probably.) And it felt really good. And I realized, hey, you know what? I don't need some heinous mortal sin weighing on me to go to confession, or to wait until I've piled up a long enough list of sins to justify going. That's just silly because, um, I sin a lot. It happens. I hate that it does, but that's what comes of being part of the fallen human race. Mary I am not. And I'm allowed to go to confession once a week! I'm allowed to get that grace, to clean my soul of even the smallest of sins! It's a wonderful thing!
Today after my afternoon class, a couple of friends were going to go to confession. I hadn't really thought about going, but then I was like, hey, why not? So I went. And man, it is such an awesome feeling. I can't describe it. It's not earth-shattering, either. It's just...grace. And it's so beautiful. And it makes me a better person. And dude, it's awesome!
So, if you want to know what I think, go to confession. Doesn't matter if you went last week, or if you haven't gone in ten years. Those priests, God bless them! They've heard it all. I'll admit, that wait up until you're in the confessional is pretty awful. Especially if it's been awhile, or if you have something particularly weighing on you. But it is SO WORTH IT. That feeling afterward, of knowing you're as good as new, it's the best thing.
And hey, nothing like knowing you can now die and make it to heaven, right? Haha. (That's why I always like to go before I travel. Which is kind of silly, since I could die any time. So why not go every week!)
I adore being Catholic, so much. It is more me than anything else in this world. Oh, and goodness, today I saw a replica of the Shroud of Turin (at a Ukrainian Eastern Rite church down the road from CUA) - which has been laid upon the actual Shroud of Turin and is thus a 3rd class relic - and, I'll admit, I didn't really get exactly what the Shroud was before. I knew it had Jesus' face on it and stuff, but...hm, this probably makes me a bad Catholic, but I guess I was sort of thinking it was like the cloth that St. Veronica used to wipe Jesus' face, or something (because it's one of those things I just never looked up or looked into. Obviously, bad on me). Anyway. I was blown away today when I saw it and the guy there told us all about it. It was mostly a discussion of the injuries Jesus endured, which we can see from the blood stains that were left on the shroud, and none of those were a surprise - the Passion of the Christ did a pretty accurate job, it seems, in replicating what Jesus went through, more or less. The guy also told us about various reasons it seems likely that it is Jesus' image, in addition to the injuries that are the same as what we read in the Bible. But I guess all that discussion of everything really struck me. As it does every time I watch The Passion (which isn't often, since...well, it's painful). And the fact - although, the Vatican has all but actually declared it dogma that it's the shroud in which Jesus was wrapped - that Jesus was...dead. I mean, that's not it, exactly, since obviously he had to die. But I guess it just made it so much more real to me. How could seeing that face not make it real? Ok, so sure, it's possible the shroud isn't real, but I believe it is. And that's a picture of himself that Jesus left behind for us. It's a testament to what he went through. A physical example that we can see and touch. (Well, the replicas, anyway. Apparently if you get to see the real thing you get to look at it for about 20 seconds and it's kind of far away from you.)
I don't know. Sometimes I get these little things that happen where Christ makes himself more present to me than I typically let him be, since sometimes I get a little bit too...detached? Not sure how to describe it. I keep myself kind of removed, I guess, as I tend to do in most of my relationships these days (terrible way to be, by the way). But he's always trying to get me closer to him, and he always manages to (until I go and make it all too much academic rather than actually feeling it). But he's always there, just waiting for me. We had Mass and adoration after we went to the Shroud replica, and adoration after that experience was awesome. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel like I'm physically in the presence of Jesus (again, hello, awful Catholic here) - not that I ever doubt it, of course - but I definitely felt it today. And what the priest said to me after my confession (the one I went to was a Dominican, according to the name card outside the confessional - it just said "Dominican Father" - and I love Dominicans) was very apropos to my spiritual state after all that, which was awesome, and he gave me this awesome prayer that fit right into how I was feeling. So, all in all, pretty stellar.
All that stuff Jesus went through? He did it for me. He saw me when he was up there on the cross. He knew he needed to go through that excruciating pain in order to save me. That's pretty awesome. And by awesome, I mean more than words could ever describe. More than I can ever deserve. But I think that, weird as this will sound, I would almost love it if I were ever given the chance to be a martyr for Christ. I'm about as weak as they come (in pretty much everything), but I'd hope that I could do that for Christ. But then, if I think I could do that for him and show him my love in such a huge way, why can't I do little every day sacrifices for him? I can love him just as much in living better day-to-day, rather than waiting for some painful end. (Um, not that I'm sitting here hoping for a painful end. Just to make that clear.) That's what I really need to do.
Sorry. This was going to be a quick, "Yay confession!" post. Didn't mean to get all preachy. My heart is a little full right now, though, which I love, and I want to share it with you! Being Catholic is the best thing ever. Trying to do God's will is more important than anything else I will ever or could ever do. That's what matters. I lose sight of that a lot, and say a lot of things without really feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling behind them. I know that, and I try to work on it, but sometimes it takes something like this to get that actually happening.
I don't think I'm making any sense. This really isn't the right forum for it anyway. And I really, for some reason, hate talking about my "personal relationship with Jesus" and my own deep-down religious feelings with other people for some reason. Yet, here I am. Oh well! Sorry to put you through it. Haha. (And please don't judge me too much for all the bad-Catholicness that is contained in this post. I'm learning! I'm working on it! I promise! I believe with all my heart, soul, body, mind, spirit, hair, yarn, EVERYTHING the Church teaches, because yay for truth! Sometimes my head just gets in the way of things, is all. And sometimes I'm just lazy. I'm trying. I'm working on it.)
I love Jesus. (Which means so much more than that one little word can actually say.)
Ok, the end, before I say anything else incriminating myself.
Coincidentally, or maybe not so, I've gone to confession three times in the last three and a half weeks. The first time was the day before comps, and I hadn't gone in like five weeks or something like that (I've been trying to go at least monthly for awhile), and I just needed to get myself spiritually clean as one of my final preparations for comps. And it felt good.
I went again the next week, too, although I don't think I'd ever before gone twice in such a short amount of time. (Not to say I haven't needed to at points, though, probably.) And it felt really good. And I realized, hey, you know what? I don't need some heinous mortal sin weighing on me to go to confession, or to wait until I've piled up a long enough list of sins to justify going. That's just silly because, um, I sin a lot. It happens. I hate that it does, but that's what comes of being part of the fallen human race. Mary I am not. And I'm allowed to go to confession once a week! I'm allowed to get that grace, to clean my soul of even the smallest of sins! It's a wonderful thing!
Today after my afternoon class, a couple of friends were going to go to confession. I hadn't really thought about going, but then I was like, hey, why not? So I went. And man, it is such an awesome feeling. I can't describe it. It's not earth-shattering, either. It's just...grace. And it's so beautiful. And it makes me a better person. And dude, it's awesome!
So, if you want to know what I think, go to confession. Doesn't matter if you went last week, or if you haven't gone in ten years. Those priests, God bless them! They've heard it all. I'll admit, that wait up until you're in the confessional is pretty awful. Especially if it's been awhile, or if you have something particularly weighing on you. But it is SO WORTH IT. That feeling afterward, of knowing you're as good as new, it's the best thing.
And hey, nothing like knowing you can now die and make it to heaven, right? Haha. (That's why I always like to go before I travel. Which is kind of silly, since I could die any time. So why not go every week!)
I adore being Catholic, so much. It is more me than anything else in this world. Oh, and goodness, today I saw a replica of the Shroud of Turin (at a Ukrainian Eastern Rite church down the road from CUA) - which has been laid upon the actual Shroud of Turin and is thus a 3rd class relic - and, I'll admit, I didn't really get exactly what the Shroud was before. I knew it had Jesus' face on it and stuff, but...hm, this probably makes me a bad Catholic, but I guess I was sort of thinking it was like the cloth that St. Veronica used to wipe Jesus' face, or something (because it's one of those things I just never looked up or looked into. Obviously, bad on me). Anyway. I was blown away today when I saw it and the guy there told us all about it. It was mostly a discussion of the injuries Jesus endured, which we can see from the blood stains that were left on the shroud, and none of those were a surprise - the Passion of the Christ did a pretty accurate job, it seems, in replicating what Jesus went through, more or less. The guy also told us about various reasons it seems likely that it is Jesus' image, in addition to the injuries that are the same as what we read in the Bible. But I guess all that discussion of everything really struck me. As it does every time I watch The Passion (which isn't often, since...well, it's painful). And the fact - although, the Vatican has all but actually declared it dogma that it's the shroud in which Jesus was wrapped - that Jesus was...dead. I mean, that's not it, exactly, since obviously he had to die. But I guess it just made it so much more real to me. How could seeing that face not make it real? Ok, so sure, it's possible the shroud isn't real, but I believe it is. And that's a picture of himself that Jesus left behind for us. It's a testament to what he went through. A physical example that we can see and touch. (Well, the replicas, anyway. Apparently if you get to see the real thing you get to look at it for about 20 seconds and it's kind of far away from you.)
I don't know. Sometimes I get these little things that happen where Christ makes himself more present to me than I typically let him be, since sometimes I get a little bit too...detached? Not sure how to describe it. I keep myself kind of removed, I guess, as I tend to do in most of my relationships these days (terrible way to be, by the way). But he's always trying to get me closer to him, and he always manages to (until I go and make it all too much academic rather than actually feeling it). But he's always there, just waiting for me. We had Mass and adoration after we went to the Shroud replica, and adoration after that experience was awesome. Sometimes it's hard for me to feel like I'm physically in the presence of Jesus (again, hello, awful Catholic here) - not that I ever doubt it, of course - but I definitely felt it today. And what the priest said to me after my confession (the one I went to was a Dominican, according to the name card outside the confessional - it just said "Dominican Father" - and I love Dominicans) was very apropos to my spiritual state after all that, which was awesome, and he gave me this awesome prayer that fit right into how I was feeling. So, all in all, pretty stellar.
All that stuff Jesus went through? He did it for me. He saw me when he was up there on the cross. He knew he needed to go through that excruciating pain in order to save me. That's pretty awesome. And by awesome, I mean more than words could ever describe. More than I can ever deserve. But I think that, weird as this will sound, I would almost love it if I were ever given the chance to be a martyr for Christ. I'm about as weak as they come (in pretty much everything), but I'd hope that I could do that for Christ. But then, if I think I could do that for him and show him my love in such a huge way, why can't I do little every day sacrifices for him? I can love him just as much in living better day-to-day, rather than waiting for some painful end. (Um, not that I'm sitting here hoping for a painful end. Just to make that clear.) That's what I really need to do.
Sorry. This was going to be a quick, "Yay confession!" post. Didn't mean to get all preachy. My heart is a little full right now, though, which I love, and I want to share it with you! Being Catholic is the best thing ever. Trying to do God's will is more important than anything else I will ever or could ever do. That's what matters. I lose sight of that a lot, and say a lot of things without really feeling what I'm supposed to be feeling behind them. I know that, and I try to work on it, but sometimes it takes something like this to get that actually happening.
I don't think I'm making any sense. This really isn't the right forum for it anyway. And I really, for some reason, hate talking about my "personal relationship with Jesus" and my own deep-down religious feelings with other people for some reason. Yet, here I am. Oh well! Sorry to put you through it. Haha. (And please don't judge me too much for all the bad-Catholicness that is contained in this post. I'm learning! I'm working on it! I promise! I believe with all my heart, soul, body, mind, spirit, hair, yarn, EVERYTHING the Church teaches, because yay for truth! Sometimes my head just gets in the way of things, is all. And sometimes I'm just lazy. I'm trying. I'm working on it.)
I love Jesus. (Which means so much more than that one little word can actually say.)
Ok, the end, before I say anything else incriminating myself.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard.
(That's a song lyric, people.)
Oh man. What a crazy time in my life this is. So many ups and downs, so many knowns (and even more unknowns - and most of those about the future). A friend from back home was visiting the other day, who's planning to move out here probably by the end of summer if not before. Hearing her talk about things back home almost made me question why I so long to go back, knowing that my former group of friends has changed a lot in the two years I've been here, and dispersed, to a large extent. (Much of this, but not entirely, is due to the fact that so many from that group have gotten married in the last two years. And it's just a fact that married people stop doing things they did when they weren't married.) (Which, by the way, kind of sucks for those of us who are still unmarried. I'm just gonna throw that out there.) What am I going to go home to, anyway? Just whom am I going to do all this hiking with, if all my friends have gone or dropped off the face of the earth?
But then, after silently inwardly freaking out about it for a little while, I felt better about things. I can't stay here. Even if a good friend is going to be moving out here (which would have made the last two years much more bearable, if she had been here then). I've found that people in my age group aren't the most reliable - everyone is in transition, everyone's moving around, and no one is stable. I can't eschew what my heart is telling me in favor of living where some friends are, because what happens when they leave? I'm confident I'm supposed to leave here in a month. Who knows, I might be back someday. I still don't have a job, so who knows where that will bring me. Oh gosh I'm starting to freak out again. Breathe in, breathe out. Nutmeg. Haha. If nothing else, I have to go back for Nutmeg. Goodness. I was telling one of my friends today about the day I got her, how I almost got her from the rescue when we first saw her, but then decided to wait, and by the time we had gotten home 15 minutes later, I just...had to go back and get her. So I did. They were starting to pack up and put the dogs back in the cars or however they carted them around, and I told them I wanted Nutmeg. Hm. I can't remember if she had a name they had given her while she was with them...Anyway. And one of the volunteers was just so happy and kept talking about how sweet she (Nutmeg) was, and how she was just sure someone was going to adopt her that day. It was a good decision. :-) Of course, it took me a little while to warm up to her - I was still mourning Hazel, and Nutmeg is not much like Hazel in a lot of ways. But goodness, do I love her. And I can't wait to see her!
Anyway. Where was I? I don't know. Oh yeah. Well. So here's the thing. My family is in Colorado. My heart is there. And for now, that's where I'm supposed to be. Unless and until God tells me otherwise. And I one of my beautiful awesome bestest friends is back in CO now, after living out of state for the last two and a half years, and she'll be there until August or so, and so that's super exciting. And I figure, when I graduated from college most of my high school friends had dispersed and I managed to make new friends, so why shouldn't that happen again? (Of course, it kind of sucks constantly having to make new friends because you go to college far away from all your high school friends, and then go away from your new post-college friends to go to grad school, and then go back home where none of your grad school friends live. It's not fun. Also not fun is constantly having to make new friends because old friends get married, and married people are different than single people. But maybe some day I'll be the one who gets married and stops hanging out with other people.)
Point is, it'll be another transition, and they're always hard, and painful, and cause me to stretch in ways I'd rather not. But hopefully I let it happen like it should. Not sure what it'll look like. Not sure what I'll look like in a year, or five. But oh well. Such is life, I suppose. I sort of hate it right now, and I sort of hate the fact that I haven't had stability in so very long, and I hope that I can finally manage to stay in one place for awhile. And be happy there. And have friends, and support, and maybe even my family there. And nature. Goodness, how I miss nature. I don't even see roadkill around here. (Not that I want to, but it's just surprising how infrequently I see it.)
You know what, I wasn't even going to go into this. I was going to talk about the lovely day I had - almost getting killed by a car that decided he didn't need to yield. That was fun. But other than that, I had an as-usual nice experience at Mass, because my church is awesome, and I knit, and I wore my freshly-blocked and dried shawl that I love (but for which I do really need a shawl pin so I don't have to hold it constantly - but good news, I ordered two for cheap and they should get here tomorrow!), and the weather was much nicer than it's been lately - I could even drive with my windows down a bit! And I went thrift-store-dress-shopping with two of my friends in Old Town, and actually managed to find one for $9, and also decided I really need to lose weight and inches because there were at least two dresses that looked cute and that almost fit (almost fit tightly, but it's something), and if I were a few sizes smaller I could have totally rocked and it was sad that I couldn't, but not as sad as it could have been. I'm going to lose weight this summer. I just am. And for now, oh well. Start small. Anyway. Then I went to my favorite knitting store, since I was down there anyway, and managed to walk out without buying anything (I mostly wanted to see if they had any shawl pins, but they're mostly out right now). And I watched this really cute Masterpiece Theater version of Pollyanna. I was wanting to watch the Hayley Mills version, but can't find it anywhere, but this one was so good! I almost teared up. Haha. Anyway.
Oh, and I went grocery shopping for a few things, and couldn't find matches anywhere and couldn't find someone to ask, but prayed to St. Anthony to help me, and wouldn't you know it, there in the little rack next to where they keep candy at the checkout aisles was one of those long-stemmed lighters. Which is what I'd been using since last year, until it ran out recently. So, remembering that I have a few long candles for which matches would be inadequate anyway (including one with St. Anthony on it!), I realized that would be much better than matches. :-) I love St. Anthony. I really hope he helped me out on comps, too...I prayed a novena to him before the first one. Although, if I didn't pass something, it's certainly no reflection on him. (Passing everything would be nothing short of a miracle, after all.) (I'll probably hear this week. And I'm scurred. I really don't see how it's possible, I can't even fathom a world in which I passed everything. Oh well. I'll survive.)
Oh yeah, I saw the cherry blossoms down by the Tidal Basin on Friday. It was more impressive than I thought it'd be. Not sure what I was expecting, but I enjoyed it. Of course, it was annoyingly chilly and cloudy, as our weather has been for so long up until today. So that wasn't so nice, especially since the "peak bloom" of the blossoms means they're white, and that's where it is now, so it wasn't as impressive as I think it would have been on a clear day with blue sky. But that's ok. I might try to go back in a few days when they're pinking, because I really like the pink stage better than the white. Pink is pretty. We'll see if I can make it down there again. I hope so. I do love that I've been able to do a lot of those typical DC touristy stuff while I've been here. I've loved that aspect of it. And seeing those iconic buildings and memorials every day. Getting to visit those museums. Etc. I am thankful for that. (DC isn't all bad. I'll gladly admit to that.)
You guys, I can't wait to be home. (Haha, way to transition from "Sometimes DC is awesome!" to "Yay home!") Bizarre to think that I have just over a month left here. Scary to think about the future (so I'm trying not to...which doesn't help when I need to do things like send resumes and write cover letters. Which, by the way, I hate doing, because I don't even really know how to do it, and also, I suck. And think I'm qualified for nothing. But I can't say that, because cover letters are supposed to make them want to hire you. Or at least interview you. Or do something beyond use your resume for fireplace fodder).
I don't know what else I was going to say. Oh well. Point is, I bought a dress today for super cheap, and I need to hit the thrift stores more when I go home (if we have any good ones there...Goodwill, I guess), because I want to have more dresses in my wardrobe because with dresses? There's no trying to decide which top to wear with which bottom. And that's pretty awesome. Also, the new object of my affection is knitting shawls. They're lovely, and I love them. And also, I miss my dog tooooons and I can't wait to go on walks with her again and to love on her and to kiss her little head and make her melt with lots of puppy petting.
Also, I'll probably be sick of them by the time we get home (or they'll be sick of me), but I must admit that I'm pretty excited to have a good solid five or six days with my parents. :-) I'd love if my siblings could be here too for my graduation, but as they can't be, the forgotten middle child in me is going to enjoy having my parents all to myself for just a bit. :-) Although, in the case of the 28-hour drive home, probably a bit too much to myself. Three people in an enclosed car for that long can result in short tempers, I'd imagine. But maybe not. :-)
I just used three smiley faces in that one short paragraph. I dislike it when people overuse them, and then look what I do. Sigh. Ah, well. It's so hard to convey tone in the written word. Hm, for some reason a line from a song just popped into my head. "'Don't you know there's a war on?' say the tradesmen with a grin." Most who read this will probably know where that's from.
And I love my siblings. I'm so excited not to have to communicate with them primarily through facebook. It's great for that, when you're far away from people, but it's so much better not to be far away...duh. Haha.
I'm going to hit publish now before I write any more nonsense. I'm sure there's a lot more in my brain that I could write. I'll try to spare you.
Oh man. What a crazy time in my life this is. So many ups and downs, so many knowns (and even more unknowns - and most of those about the future). A friend from back home was visiting the other day, who's planning to move out here probably by the end of summer if not before. Hearing her talk about things back home almost made me question why I so long to go back, knowing that my former group of friends has changed a lot in the two years I've been here, and dispersed, to a large extent. (Much of this, but not entirely, is due to the fact that so many from that group have gotten married in the last two years. And it's just a fact that married people stop doing things they did when they weren't married.) (Which, by the way, kind of sucks for those of us who are still unmarried. I'm just gonna throw that out there.) What am I going to go home to, anyway? Just whom am I going to do all this hiking with, if all my friends have gone or dropped off the face of the earth?
But then, after silently inwardly freaking out about it for a little while, I felt better about things. I can't stay here. Even if a good friend is going to be moving out here (which would have made the last two years much more bearable, if she had been here then). I've found that people in my age group aren't the most reliable - everyone is in transition, everyone's moving around, and no one is stable. I can't eschew what my heart is telling me in favor of living where some friends are, because what happens when they leave? I'm confident I'm supposed to leave here in a month. Who knows, I might be back someday. I still don't have a job, so who knows where that will bring me. Oh gosh I'm starting to freak out again. Breathe in, breathe out. Nutmeg. Haha. If nothing else, I have to go back for Nutmeg. Goodness. I was telling one of my friends today about the day I got her, how I almost got her from the rescue when we first saw her, but then decided to wait, and by the time we had gotten home 15 minutes later, I just...had to go back and get her. So I did. They were starting to pack up and put the dogs back in the cars or however they carted them around, and I told them I wanted Nutmeg. Hm. I can't remember if she had a name they had given her while she was with them...Anyway. And one of the volunteers was just so happy and kept talking about how sweet she (Nutmeg) was, and how she was just sure someone was going to adopt her that day. It was a good decision. :-) Of course, it took me a little while to warm up to her - I was still mourning Hazel, and Nutmeg is not much like Hazel in a lot of ways. But goodness, do I love her. And I can't wait to see her!
Anyway. Where was I? I don't know. Oh yeah. Well. So here's the thing. My family is in Colorado. My heart is there. And for now, that's where I'm supposed to be. Unless and until God tells me otherwise. And I one of my beautiful awesome bestest friends is back in CO now, after living out of state for the last two and a half years, and she'll be there until August or so, and so that's super exciting. And I figure, when I graduated from college most of my high school friends had dispersed and I managed to make new friends, so why shouldn't that happen again? (Of course, it kind of sucks constantly having to make new friends because you go to college far away from all your high school friends, and then go away from your new post-college friends to go to grad school, and then go back home where none of your grad school friends live. It's not fun. Also not fun is constantly having to make new friends because old friends get married, and married people are different than single people. But maybe some day I'll be the one who gets married and stops hanging out with other people.)
Point is, it'll be another transition, and they're always hard, and painful, and cause me to stretch in ways I'd rather not. But hopefully I let it happen like it should. Not sure what it'll look like. Not sure what I'll look like in a year, or five. But oh well. Such is life, I suppose. I sort of hate it right now, and I sort of hate the fact that I haven't had stability in so very long, and I hope that I can finally manage to stay in one place for awhile. And be happy there. And have friends, and support, and maybe even my family there. And nature. Goodness, how I miss nature. I don't even see roadkill around here. (Not that I want to, but it's just surprising how infrequently I see it.)
You know what, I wasn't even going to go into this. I was going to talk about the lovely day I had - almost getting killed by a car that decided he didn't need to yield. That was fun. But other than that, I had an as-usual nice experience at Mass, because my church is awesome, and I knit, and I wore my freshly-blocked and dried shawl that I love (but for which I do really need a shawl pin so I don't have to hold it constantly - but good news, I ordered two for cheap and they should get here tomorrow!), and the weather was much nicer than it's been lately - I could even drive with my windows down a bit! And I went thrift-store-dress-shopping with two of my friends in Old Town, and actually managed to find one for $9, and also decided I really need to lose weight and inches because there were at least two dresses that looked cute and that almost fit (almost fit tightly, but it's something), and if I were a few sizes smaller I could have totally rocked and it was sad that I couldn't, but not as sad as it could have been. I'm going to lose weight this summer. I just am. And for now, oh well. Start small. Anyway. Then I went to my favorite knitting store, since I was down there anyway, and managed to walk out without buying anything (I mostly wanted to see if they had any shawl pins, but they're mostly out right now). And I watched this really cute Masterpiece Theater version of Pollyanna. I was wanting to watch the Hayley Mills version, but can't find it anywhere, but this one was so good! I almost teared up. Haha. Anyway.
Oh, and I went grocery shopping for a few things, and couldn't find matches anywhere and couldn't find someone to ask, but prayed to St. Anthony to help me, and wouldn't you know it, there in the little rack next to where they keep candy at the checkout aisles was one of those long-stemmed lighters. Which is what I'd been using since last year, until it ran out recently. So, remembering that I have a few long candles for which matches would be inadequate anyway (including one with St. Anthony on it!), I realized that would be much better than matches. :-) I love St. Anthony. I really hope he helped me out on comps, too...I prayed a novena to him before the first one. Although, if I didn't pass something, it's certainly no reflection on him. (Passing everything would be nothing short of a miracle, after all.) (I'll probably hear this week. And I'm scurred. I really don't see how it's possible, I can't even fathom a world in which I passed everything. Oh well. I'll survive.)
Oh yeah, I saw the cherry blossoms down by the Tidal Basin on Friday. It was more impressive than I thought it'd be. Not sure what I was expecting, but I enjoyed it. Of course, it was annoyingly chilly and cloudy, as our weather has been for so long up until today. So that wasn't so nice, especially since the "peak bloom" of the blossoms means they're white, and that's where it is now, so it wasn't as impressive as I think it would have been on a clear day with blue sky. But that's ok. I might try to go back in a few days when they're pinking, because I really like the pink stage better than the white. Pink is pretty. We'll see if I can make it down there again. I hope so. I do love that I've been able to do a lot of those typical DC touristy stuff while I've been here. I've loved that aspect of it. And seeing those iconic buildings and memorials every day. Getting to visit those museums. Etc. I am thankful for that. (DC isn't all bad. I'll gladly admit to that.)
You guys, I can't wait to be home. (Haha, way to transition from "Sometimes DC is awesome!" to "Yay home!") Bizarre to think that I have just over a month left here. Scary to think about the future (so I'm trying not to...which doesn't help when I need to do things like send resumes and write cover letters. Which, by the way, I hate doing, because I don't even really know how to do it, and also, I suck. And think I'm qualified for nothing. But I can't say that, because cover letters are supposed to make them want to hire you. Or at least interview you. Or do something beyond use your resume for fireplace fodder).
I don't know what else I was going to say. Oh well. Point is, I bought a dress today for super cheap, and I need to hit the thrift stores more when I go home (if we have any good ones there...Goodwill, I guess), because I want to have more dresses in my wardrobe because with dresses? There's no trying to decide which top to wear with which bottom. And that's pretty awesome. Also, the new object of my affection is knitting shawls. They're lovely, and I love them. And also, I miss my dog tooooons and I can't wait to go on walks with her again and to love on her and to kiss her little head and make her melt with lots of puppy petting.
Also, I'll probably be sick of them by the time we get home (or they'll be sick of me), but I must admit that I'm pretty excited to have a good solid five or six days with my parents. :-) I'd love if my siblings could be here too for my graduation, but as they can't be, the forgotten middle child in me is going to enjoy having my parents all to myself for just a bit. :-) Although, in the case of the 28-hour drive home, probably a bit too much to myself. Three people in an enclosed car for that long can result in short tempers, I'd imagine. But maybe not. :-)
I just used three smiley faces in that one short paragraph. I dislike it when people overuse them, and then look what I do. Sigh. Ah, well. It's so hard to convey tone in the written word. Hm, for some reason a line from a song just popped into my head. "'Don't you know there's a war on?' say the tradesmen with a grin." Most who read this will probably know where that's from.
And I love my siblings. I'm so excited not to have to communicate with them primarily through facebook. It's great for that, when you're far away from people, but it's so much better not to be far away...duh. Haha.
I'm going to hit publish now before I write any more nonsense. I'm sure there's a lot more in my brain that I could write. I'll try to spare you.
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