100 Happy Days

I mentioned, briefly, the other day that I had decided to join one of my friends in doing this 100 Happy Days thing, where you post a picture of something that made you happy that day every day for 100 days. I've seen things like this before (doing the thankful thing every day during November is a popular one, for example), but haven't ever really participated as such. Gratitude is a hard thing for me. Being happy in the moment is sometimes really difficult for me. There's always the "Yeah, this is pretty cool, but if this or this or this it'd be a lot better." I need to get out of that mindset because it's fairly toxic and not in the least bit unhelpful. As in, it's a lot unhelpful. So I figured now's as good a time as any to get happier.

We have 80 days until the end of the school year. I don't know yet exactly when I'll be leaving, but it'll probably be shortly thereafter. Within two weeks, at most, I'd say. But that means that most of this 100 Days thing will take place before I leave here, when my heart's already back home, so it's even more important that I find those things here that can make me happy. That's why I thought it'd be a good idea to do this. It has been kind of fun, aside from the having to remember to a) take a picture of something, and b) transfer it from my camera to my computer since I am smartphone-less. And it might get more difficult in the coming weeks if the seeming impending doom of my laptop actually comes to fruition.

But, point is that I struggle with gratitude and not being complainy, and I want to change that about myself. What better way than to force myself with a self-imposed daily requirement? It'll be a good practice during Lent, too, even though it'll go on beyond that (as, really, most of our Lenten sacrifices probably should, to some degree, depending on what they are) - I think my 100 days will be up on June 4. Will I have a job 100 days from now, or at least one lined up? Hard to say. Probably not? (I could do with a few weeks of real vacation time, though, as long as it doesn't turn into months...but at least I'll be paid through the summer.) All I know is, I'm hoping I'll be a lot happier thanks to this little project!

God is good

I have to make this quick because the loud fan issue that's been happening off and on (and on with more and more regularity) since before Christmas has now, suddenly, as of today, become a near-constant thing. And it's driving me bonkers. So I've made the executive decision to keep my laptop off as much as possible until it either dies or I get it fixed or something else happens. (I'm pretty sure that God is telling me he wants one of my Lenten sacrifices to be a greatly diminished computer time. I think he's been telling me to do that for a while, but now he's sort of taking the decision a little bit out of my hands since I've been bad about doing it myself. Which is good, him making the decision for me. I'm not generally very good with the self-control thing. It does make things difficult, though, since not using computer = no Internet at all, since I am one of the very, very few people left who still hasn't made the jump into the smartphone boat.) But there's still today and tomorrow for the 7 Posts in 7 Days!

Interesting that this computer issue should come up with such fierceness today, given the readings at Mass this evening/tomorrow. The Gospel is the one about not worrying about what you're going to eat, or wear, because "Who can add a single moment by worrying?" and "You cannot serve both God and mammon"/two masters. God knows I need a computer for work, at least to an extent, so if this thing is going to die something else will come along, I suppose. But the first reading also really spoke to me tonight, a very quick two verses from the beautiful book of Isaiah:

Zion said, "The Lord has forsaken me; my Lord has forgotten me." Can a mother forget her infant, be without tenderness for the child of her womb? Even should she forget, I will never forget you.

I mean, come on. God's like, "Hey, Susie, I know sometimes you think I forgot to give you a path, but you'd better believe there's a path for you, specially and wonderfully set out by me just for you, and it will be great. You might find it difficult, or lonely, or painful, but the reward at the end will be so wonderful that you'll feel more loved than you can even imagine, because you ARE. By ME. The one who created you, and the world, and the universe, and has never, in the whole span of time, forgotten about you." That, plus the Gospel, and going to confession just before Mass made me feel very loved by God.

And can I just wax unpoetic about confession for a minute? Oh man, is it just the greatest thing ever. Sometimes insanely difficult to drag myself there, particularly when I need it most, but it is always, always beyond worth it. I mean, even when I'm not trying to feel it, that feeling of lightness that just happens afterward is amazing! The realization, once again, that there is nothing we can do that God won't forgive, and nothing we can do that can make God stop loving us, is always beautiful beyond words. I just love confession! Especially those times when I'm there on a Saturday afternoon (since that's the only time around here that they have confession), trying to get in before the priest stops so he can go say Mass, and I'm so far back in the line that I'm sure I'm not going to make it, and somehow I still manage to make it. This has happened to me two of the last three times I've gone, and I'm grateful, because if it's hard to pull myself up to go to confession once, and I get myself all ready and conscience-examined, it's really hard to have to do it again the next week. Anyway. I've found that generally, when I pray to God to let the priest stay just a little bit extra longer so that I can be sure to make it in, he usually says yes to that prayer.

So, to sum up, God is great, and he loves me, and he loves YOU, and you should go to confession because everyone should (and now is a great time to go, because what a good way to start Lent! And if you go now, you can also go again during Lent or Holy Week without it seeming too close together or too far apart. Holy Week is a great time to go. If you can).