Hahahahaha.

And now I'm done for the night. I promise. I won't post for four days now, ok?

(Yeah, that's probably a lie. But then I'll go camping and I won't post for at least a couple of days and I'll try to hold it in between now and then so you all won't be overwhelmed by my prolific postings. To be fair, two from tonight were posts from previous days, so they don't count. Pretend they're not there. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!)

:-)

Eh it's summer. I shouldn't be required to have deep thoughts.

It makes me laugh when people write "prosecute" when they mean "persecute." Really makes me laugh. Ah, I'm mean deep down. Sorry. (I know I misuse words on occasion. So I suppose you all have permission to point and laugh at me whenever I do that.)

I really really really really really want a nice Starbucks drink. A hot one. I've been to Starbucks once all summer, and I got a frappuccino. But man. I could so go for a nice...I don't even know what, it's been so long. A nice flavored sort of coffee type thing. Mmm. That right there is reason enough to be itching to go back to school. Lovely Notre Dame where I have $280 a semester to spend on extra food -- separate from the two meals a day I eat (theoretically) in the dining hall -- including and especially Starbucks, easily accessible right across the parking lot from my lovely dorm. I can't really justify spending at the least $3.50 or so on Starbucks when it's real money. But when it's an expendable $280 I get included in my meal plan, oh you better believe I'm going to waste it on Starbucks. Mmm. Starbucks.

Oh man know what else I could really go for right now? Some of that Chex Muddy Buddies stuff. Know what I'm talking about? With the Chex and the powdered sugar and some sort of chocolate stuff in there too. Oh man. What is up with me? I must be bored, I'm thinking about food too much tonight. Luckily for me we have little in the house in the junk food vein. More or less. Because as we all know, I have zero self-control. Especially when it comes to food. Oh man. Me and food, food and I, we have something special. It is beautiful and wonderful, but oh so terrible at the same time. Haha. Nah I'm just exaggerating. I do like food though. Except when I don't. Yeah.

Ok moving on, I just realized just how amazed I am by people who can do impressions, or who can create tons of different voices from their own voice. Harry Shearer is on Conan right now, and as you may know, he does the voice for a number of Simpsons characters. And so he was doing a few of his character voices during the interview, and then he did his Tom Brokaw impression, and then I fell in love. Ok that's most definitely a lie. But I did realize how much I take for granted that people just can automatically do stuff like that. It's really really impressive. I can barely make my voice sound like me, let alone fifteen different characters plus impressions. I was watching America's Got Talent tonight (leave me alone, it's just about the only TV show I've watched this summer, late-night talk shows and sitcom reruns not included), and there's a guy in the top 10 who does a ventriloquist act. Only, not only does he ventriloquize, with a puppet that moves and stuff and not just a creepy doll, he also does impressions. As himself and as his puppet. Last week he sang a song...What a Wonderful World, and his puppet did a Kermit impression while singing it (a very good one too), and he himself sang part of the song as Louis Armstrong. Tonight he had a different puppet, different voices, etc. It's just impressive. This was his audition thing. If, you know, you're bored. Last year's America's Got Talent had a ventriloquist who did something like...oh I remember what it was. I don't know if it was ventriloquism, but he like kind of did a Japanese movie dubbed in English thing, where his mouth would be moving but his voice would be off and saying something different than his mouth. That was pretty impressive too. Oh! I found it! It's this guy. Anyway. Makes me laugh, so whatever. As long as I'm entertained, I'm happy.

Speaking of that show, this guy is pretty much my favorite, and has been since his audition. Which is here. (And I dare you to watch that clip and not just laugh at David Hasselhoff and his stupid reactions during the song. Geesh. I'm embarrassed for him. Oh and also the sappiness before and after the actual song part? Yeah I could definitely do without that stuff. Everyone's got a story. Whatever.) He's pretty cool, though. I hope he wins. ("Inigo?" "What?" "I hope we win." Oh man the gloriousness that is that movie. Words cannot express.)

Um...ok.

Three Words

(And this one was done Thursday night. Guess I didn't feel like actually posting last week for some reason.)

3 Word Meme

Where is your cell phone? In my pocket
Boyfriend? I hope soon.
Hair? Brown, layered, lovely. :-)
Your mother? Gives good hugs.
Your father? Makes me laugh.
Your favorite item(s)? Ring, laptop, CDs
Your dream last night? I don't remember
Your favorite drink? Ice cold water
Your dream guy? Catholic, tall, hilarious
The room you are in? Brown family room
Your fear? Being alone forever
What do you want to be in 10 years? Married with children.
Who did you hang out with last night? Parents, brother, nephew
What are you not? Organized, clean, efficient.
Are you in love? Never so far
One of your wish list items? Winning lottery ticket?
What time is it? Eleven fifty one
The last thing you did? Emailed ethics paper
What are you wearing? Jewelry, pants, shirts
Your favorite book? Lion Witch Wardrobe
The last thing you ate? Stale yummy marshmallow
Your summer? Pretty much disappointing.
Your relationship status? Single, sadly, single
What is on your tv screen? Conan, Jeff Goldblum
When is the last time you laughed? Lots at dinner
Last time you cried? I don't remember.
School? I love ND
Your mood? Tired, headache-y, nauseated
Your friends? Can be lovely
What are you thinking about right now? Should be sleeping
Your car? Not really mine
What are you doing at this moment? this, watching TV
Your life? Always chugging along.

Procrastinating Papers, my favorite Pasttime

(Ok, so I wrote this...last Wednesday night. The 25th. Night before a Thursday when I had two papers due. Yeah. For some reason didn't post it that night. But if I just post it now it'll be lost into the abyss of past posts, because we know I like to post a lot, so I'll just post it now. Not that it really matters.)

I think I may have figured out something great to get my dad for his upcoming birthday. I always make myself stress too much about presents, finding the "perfect" one and whatnot, while also wanting it to be a present that wasn't explicitly stated as wanted (it always seems so boring when someone just says "Get me this." It's not as bad if there are a few options, but yeah). I guess I just think that I ought to know the people I'm buying for well enough to know what they would want or enjoy without having to tell me. But it never works out very well for me, and things that I think people wouldn't really want, end up being good presents. So I've given up. Anyway though, I do think I have found something my dad will enjoy, which he hasn't mentioned as wanting. (This also makes me nervous because what if there's something on his "list" that he really wants, and instead I get him this other thing that maybe he won't want so much?) Anyway. Hopefully he'll like it, if I do end up getting it. Still got a couple weeks though to figure it out.

I got the newest Josh Groban CD from the library this week. It came out in November, I believe, but for some reason I didn't get it then. Decided early on in the new year (Jan or Feb) to put it on hold at the library, despite the fact that I was in Indiana at that point. But, lucky me (and I must have known this when I put it on hold, or it would have been pointless), I was rather far down on the queue, to the extent that it just now got to the library for me to pick up this week. Works for me, I guess. I just wanted to listen to it to see if it was worth buying (I guess I must have heard some so-so reviews when it first came out, which convinced me that I might want to check it out before wasting my $15). Anyway. I've listened to it all the way through probably at least three or four times since, what, Monday I guess it was. Tempted to say it might be my favorite of his CDs thus far. I love the first one because it was just such a great discovery when I first became a fan, back in junior year of high school, when for some reason you could listen to his entire debut album on his website. I spent many a night over Christmas break doing just that. Finally bought the CD the day my grandmom died, so I could listen to it when we went back for the funeral and such, because it had become a great comfort to me. His voice has the ability to sooth like no other. So the first CD will always have a special place in my heart. Second just didn't have the emotional punch that the first did, although it is still great. The bar had been set high, though. I definitely haven't listened to that CD as much as the first, possibly because I got the first in high school when I was doing a lot of driving around (to school and such, and other places), and the second came out at some point during college, when I don't drive as much and thus don't listen to music as much. Not sure why, but I don't often think to play music when I'm just sitting at my computer or in my room. Perhaps that will change with having a single this year. Anyway. The important point here is that I'm a big fan of this new CD. And maybe one day I'll actually be able to buy it! (Must admit, I was sorely tempted today when I put it in my computer to listen to it and the option came up to rip it to my computer to click yes...but I didn't.)

I miss lilacs. And snow. Hey, remember when we got all those blizzards this past winter? And then I went back to school where we got lots and lots of snow, plus a large number of days with below zero temperatures? Yeah, that was nice. Sure, it was a bit of a pain (literally) walking from one end of campus to another, but I don't mind being bundled up. I quite enjoy it actually. Even on hot summer nights, I have my fan going and I have at the very least my sheets pulled up to my head, and usually my comforter too. Sometimes my afghan as well. So the cold temperatures don't bother me too much. Oh well. At least we haven't hit 100 degree temps yet, and for the most part these high 80s, low 90s temps really don't bother me too much either. Plus it's not humid. That's always a plus. I wouldn't mind if fall hurried up and got here, though. At least the next few days look nice, with highs of around 75, and then nothing much higher than low 80s for awhile after that. Sounds good to me. Although, I really wish we'd get a nice thunderstorm again sometime soon. Seems like it's been awhile. I sure do like my thunderstorms.

Speaking of thunderstorms:
Just for fun, I was looking through the different posters they have at despair.com, because they're just funny. This one really made me laugh out loud, and I don't know why, but I figured I should share it. (And I like the suggestions as to for whom it'd be perfect.) Actually, looking at them, there's quite a number that really tickle my funny bone. And I really like the icon for the webpage itself. That poor little frownie face.

In which I talk about sex. Sort of. (Don't forget, I am a prude.)

I saw somewhere the other day that today 95% of Americans have sex before they're married. 95%. I found this to be rather...high. I mean, 95%? So yesterday I googled around, and discovered that a study was released last...December, I believe, which stated that indeed somewhere around 95% of people have sex before they get married. It's not just some random number someone made up and threw out there. I mean, I suppose it could be (64% of statistics are made up on the spot, did you know that?), but it seems pretty factual. And really, much as I might not want to admit it, not terribly surprising. I guess the reason it is for me is because I'm somewhat relatively sheltered from all that, going to a Catholic college. Granted, there are plenty of people there who have sex, I'm sure, but it's not necessarily bandied about as it might be on some other college campuses. Generally discussions which include admissions of "hooking up" with some random person or another means simply making out, which might not necessarily be the typical usage elsewhere. So to hear that 95% of people my age (give or take a few years, since from what I read, something like 93% was before the age of 30) are having sex outside of marriage is somewhat of a shock.

I mean, can I really be in the minority by such a drastic percentage? And I wonder what percentage of those 5% or so who haven't, are actually planning on waiting until marriage, or if they simply haven't had sex yet for whatever reason. As far as I know, very few (if any) of my very closest friends would place themselves in the majority percentage of this study. At least, very few who have told me. Wouldn't surprise me if some didn't (or won't) tell me because I am so judgmental, after all. But anyway. I don't know. I just can't get over that. 95%. Pretty soon there won't be anyone left who will admit to staying chaste until marriage. Hopefully that's not true though. Twould seem that I am one of a dying breed, however. The solution? Marry another of that dying breed (that is, if there are any guys like that left), and then have lots of Catholic babies who we'll raise with the same values and beliefs we hold, and hopefully the kids will value and believe those things too, and will manage to find others who do as well and then they can get married and have lots of Catholic babies and perpetuate the cycle. Hahaha.

Ok I'm done now I suppose. But geez. 95%? Really? Even seeing articles with my own two eyes I can't quite grasp or believe it. So perhaps in my own little world, I'll pretend it's a much smaller percentage. Even though the culture surrounding me would seem to contradict that imaginary belief, making it harder to maintain...hm...oh well. Just gotta live my own life I guess.

Love it

Ok, this is my first time ever embedding a video in a blog post. I'm kind of excited. Anyway, I've seen these around some blogs the past few days, and they're rather slightly amusing, so I'm gonna post them here. So enjoy, NFP vs Contraception (in the style of the Mac vs PC commercials).







I guess they're seminarians somewhere. Anyway. I thought it was funny, at least.

Hahaha, and unrelated (but Catholic-related), check out this wrapping paper! Dude, that's awesome.

I'll take what I can get

Know what's nice? Spending some good quality time with friends I don't get to see all that often anymore, but still having a grand old time when we do get together. Who knows how long it'll last, what we'll all be doing once we graduate and whatnot, but for now, at least we have those few times a year that we can manage to squeeze in a night together at Village Inn or something like that. I'll take it for as long as I can.

Ah, the memories we shared...

I have a horrendous headache at the moment. Not that this is an unusual occurrence for me, exactly, but some times it's worse than others. I just took some Excedrin so I know I'll be ok in a little while, but until then...ugh. It's reminiscent of the Great Headache of 07. I just named it that. Referring, of course, to the lovely practically 24 hour long headache through which I suffered the Thursday (I believe it was Thursday) of finals week back in May. Boy was that ever lovely. Went on all day long despite numerous attempts at controlling it medicinally, and unfortunately I couldn't just lie in bed and let it go away because I had about eleventy one papers to write that day. In addition to packing and such. Oh, the loveliness of the end of the school year rituals.

Anyway. Don't know why today's headache made me think of that one, but here's hoping it's gone in the next hour (and doesn't take until tomorrow to leave. I realize I must be quite a lovely host, but these headaches have long worn out their welcome). Because, man. It's one of those ones that squeezes my whole head, makes my eyes feel like they'd be more comfortable outside of my head, and makes quite uncomfortable pretty much any position in which I might find myself. Headaches. Gotta love 'em. Bleh.

It's been a draining day, ok?

Did you know that Mandy Patinkin's real name is Mandel? Hahahaha. Who names their kid Mandel?

Dude, dang, I just realized that I forgot to mention yesterday that it (yesterday) was Jimmy's one month birthday thing! Oh well.

(Ignore Dad in the background...as he looks somewhat dead or something. Weird. I wasn't around when these pictures were taken, so I have no idea what's going on there. But hey, cute baby, so that's all that really matters.)

I know I promised another post of baby pictures a few weeks ago, and never did manage to get around to that. So...this sort of makes up for it? There's a few more here, not ones I took but yeah. Anyway. There you go.

Oh, and also? I need to go to confession, I realized. I think I start to get really...irritable or something when I haven't gone in awhile. I think it's been around two months or so since the last time, and it's starting to show. I really need to get myself to the Cathedral sometime this week (they have confessions every day after their 12:10pm Mass, so it's pretty convenient). It's funny how much I dread and try to put off doing something that I know will help me enormously, something that's not even going to have any negative consequences (quite the opposite, actually), something that's just fantastic when you get down to it. I really can't wait to go, get all this weight off of me. That'll be my goal for the week, I guess.

Anyway.

People are so unreliable. Maybe not all people. But a large majority, in my experience. Every time I try to stop believing that, try to make myself believe that this time, this person or that person won't flake out or whatever it is, I get stomped on (meaning, this person or that person does exactly what I deep down expected them to do, despite wanting to hope for the best). And some people wonder why I don't trust people in general, and why I'm such a pessimist when it comes to people. And why I don't like to count on people keeping their word. It's easier to expect that they'll end up disappointing me, and a pleasant surprise when they don't. And that's all there is to it.


(And I'm sure I'm not the most reliable sometimes, but I really try to be. Perhaps other people do, too. But when it's an over and over and over again thing, it seems maybe not.)

Indulge me for a minute

I despise whoever it was thought that racing cars, any types of cars, around and around and around a track would make for good enough "entertainment" to justify having it all over the TV every weekend. Or even just having it in general. Complete waste of everything. And whoever says it's a sport, well, I've got words with you. Competition, sure. Game, yeah. Sport? No way.


But no matter how one wants to classify it, it's crap, and I hate it, and I hate it being on TV.

Do-over

My family (meaning parents and younger brother) and I went to the annual Colorado Springs ND Alumni Club student send-off/summer picnic doohickey thing today. (Haha, apparently "doohicky" is an incorrect spelling, but "doohickey" is a perfectly acceptable word. I figured spell checker wouldn't like either. Weird.) I hadn't gone since the one right before I started at ND, so three years ago, because the two ones after that interfered with other stuff we had planned and whatnot, and there was also the slight matter of the fact that last summer I wasn't going back, at least for the semester. So that would have been slightly awkward. And it was interesting today, seeing all these new students (well, like four or five) who are just starting out on their Notre Dame journey, and thinking about how much I'm looking forward to getting back there, and how nervous I was when I first started, and how this is the first year since I started that I can't wait to get back. I couldn't help but wonder how things would have been different had I felt this zeal that I feel now from the very beginning. If I could just have a do-over and start back from the beginning, feeling the way I do now about that wonderful slice of heaven known as Notre Dame du Lac. It's bizarre to me to go back and read journal and diary entries in which I lamented ever going to Notre Dame, and where I whined and complained that I didn't want to go back, and all that fun stuff. How was that ever me? How could I have ever thought that stuff about my beloved school which I am now dreading having to leave in a year?

I like to pretend that that wasn't really me, that I never really felt those things. Because it is so much better now, I just can't fathom that I did ever really feel them. I am so utterly ecstatic about my school, about being there, about where I am right now. I wish I had felt this way the past three years. Maybe deep down, somehow I did feel this way, but my longings for home and familiar people and places sort of trumped the rest of it. I don't really know. All I know is, for the past year I have realized that Notre Dame is where I'm supposed to be, and I'm happy. Last summer by this point I had begun to regret my decision to take a semester off, although I don't think I really voiced it. I wonder what would have happened if I had changed my mind mid-summer, and somehow had been able to come back instead of having to stay here. I wouldn't have missed a football season, which would have made me happy. But yeah. I don't know, and I'll never know. All I know for sure is that I'm going to do my darnedest to make this year, my last year, the best year it can be. I know I'm a different person than I was a year or two ago, and that I can handle being apart from my family without having a meltdown. Stupid family, being all wonderful and making me miss them so much I didn't see what was right in front of me at school. Psh. Anyway. (Truth be told -- and don't hate me, parents, but you know it's true and had to happen -- the longer this summer is dragging on, the more I can't wait to get away from my family. I love them and all, obviously, but I'm not a kid anymore who needs her mommy all the time. I mean, I'll miss them, but I'm rather done with having to live with them every day. 22 years is quite long enough for that, I think.)

I am a bit sad that I had all that time at Notre Dame in which I didn't fully appreciate it, and yet I realize that my journal entries during that tumultuous period weren't necessarily truly reflective of everything going on. I know I didn't hate every minute of every day that I spent there, and honestly I barely remember disliking it as much as those entries would seem to indicate. And I'm thankful for that, because I know that when I leave those hallowed grounds, never to return as a student, I'll only be taking the best memories. And hopefully I'll have a heart full of good ones from this coming year alone. The last year. Here's hoping it won't be spent whiling away over books and schoolwork, and no fun. (Ha.)

Mmm, lumpy

Funny story. I was making myself a cup of reheated coffee this afternoon because I needed some caffeine and hadn't had any all day. So I stuck it in the microwave, then added a bit of hot chocolate powder, some sugar, and then poured the milk. My usual when I have coffee at home. Only this time, the milk was a little...solid. More solid than a person wants milk to be, I think. Expiration date was today, so it's not like it had been sitting in our fridge for four weeks. At first Dad thought maybe it had just gotten a little bit frozen in the fridge, but then I looked at my coffee and the milk was definitely...not melted as slightly frozen milk would have been in that cup of hot coffee. Looked more like cottage cheese, actually. So we decided it's probably not good, and I had to dump the coffee and the rest of the milk left in that carton. Wasn't a whole lot, but still. That never happens around here, having milk long enough to go bad. Twas very weird. And rather gross. Has anyone seen...I believe it's called Life With Mikey, a movie with Michael J Fox from the early 90s I guess, and he plays a former child star now talent agent for up and coming child "stars." Not very good ones. Anyway. There's a scene in which he uses very lumpy milk for his fruit loops, and that's what I think of any time I think of milk gone bad. Quite gross.

Edit: hahaha two minutes after I posted this, I looked to see what's on TV tonight/right now, and know what's playing on the CW (channel 2, though, which we don't get, unless we had cable I think -- for some reason the CW that plays on channel 2 is different than what's on channel 57, which we do get, during the day. Primetime is the same, I believe) right this very minute? None other than Life with Mikey. Weird how that happens.

My version of a nightmare

I had a weird dream last night/this morning. I don't remember it all, but the part I do remember, my dad was taking me to my wedding, on which apparently I had had basically no input. We were either walking or driving in this big stone courtyard, past one church building thing that looked nice enough, I think, and then we stopped at what appeared to be an outdoors church. Altar and everything were outside, and apparently that's where the ceremony was going to be. I was not at all happy with this arrangement. And then somehow I found out (maybe the program said it or something?) that it was just going to be a basic old ceremony, not a Mass or anything really Catholic about it. I was very, very upset about this. No Mass? Unacceptable. I think I was basically hyperventilating because the whole thing was just a disaster. And another odd thing, which wasn't exactly something that made me unhappy for some reason, was that I had no idea who I was marrying. Like, I had never seen him before. But that part I guess had been previously agreed upon so I was just upset about the church/wedding thing.

So. just so everyone knows, when I get married, it's going to be in a (hopefully) beautiful church (Basilica, anyone?) with a full-out Mass. All the bells and whistles if I can manage it. Bells and smells, I should say. Maybe even with some Latin. I do likes me some Latin.


Mom and I watched Sense and Sensibility tonight. I had seen it once before, but a long time ago. It's a good one, although the Kate Winslet/Alan Rickman relationship is somewhat creepy, being that they are thirty years apart...But it was funny how many people in that movie were related to the Harry Potter movies. Obviously there was Snape (Alan Rickman), and Trelawney (Emma Thompson), and then there was Madam Pomfrey (Gemma Jones, the woman who plays Mrs Dashwood), and the Fat Lady (Elizabeth Spriggs -- the woman who plays Mrs. Jennings, at least she was the Fat Lady in the first movie), and Fudge (Robert Hardy -- Sir John Middleton), and then the one that made me laugh each time I saw her, Umbridge (Imelda Staunton, who plays Charlotte Palmer -- whose character is married to a man played by none other than House, which was also funny). But man it was hilarious to see "Umbridge" in another role. She was kind of similar, except instead of being evil in a sort of sickly sweet way, she was annoying in that same sweet way. It was just funny. (And another almost-connection: Hugh Grant is in Sense and Sensibility, and I read that he was originally planned to be Gilderoy Lockhart in the second Harry Potter movie. Instead, Kenneth Branagh played Lockhart, and he was at one point attached to be in Sense and Sensibility. Not sure in what role, but yeah. Interesting.) Anyway, I'm done now. Sorry about that.

Prayers can be powerful

We went over to my neighbor's tonight to see how he's doing. He wasn't there at first, his son was (who I hadn't seen in years and years and thus didn't recognize, because when I had seen him it was only a few times) so we talked to him for a bit until Hal showed up with his other son, my ex-best friend's father (who I do recognize, because I saw him much more frequently back in those days). Over the course of our time there tonight, we found out when the memorial service is (good news, I get to miss Tuesday's class. Bad news, it's because someone close to me died. Obviously I'd rather be going to class than a memorial service if it meant no one had died).

My mom also asked about that old best friend of mine. Her uncle doesn't expect that she'll be coming. I knew she had basically thrown my sister and me out of her life, but I guess I was kind of hopeful that she hadn't done the same to her grandparents and father. Apparently I was wrong, and she's had little to no contact with them in the last...must be eight or so years. I just can't imagine being so far from relatives that you wouldn't come to your own grandmother's funeral. I mean, Ann was such a stable influence for her when her parents were going through a divorce and such, and I just can't imagine cutting her out of my life were she my grandmother. We (my sister and I, and our family I guess) have long thought that she (my friend) was more or less brainwashed by a particular person in her life, and apparently her family thinks that too. But I guess that excuse can only take you so far, and once you hit a certain age, how could you keep ignoring such important people in your life? I just don't get it. There's obviously still a chance that she might come to the funeral, slim though it is. I'll be praying for that until Tuesday, because I know how much it would mean to her family -- to her grieving grandfather, her father who I'm sure misses her every day, and all the rest. Sigh. If any of you feel like praying, I'm sure it'll take as many as can be dished out to get her to come. And it would be wonderful if she did.

Nothing I say will be adequate

When it's a beloved character in a book, it's one thing. When it's a real person, it's entirely different. I came back from my class this afternoon to discover that our next-door neighbor, the grandmother of my childhood best friend who often acted as a surrogate grandmother to me (my grandparents have always been across the country, and thus I don't/didn't see them that often), had died sometime last night, apparently in her sleep. I haven't seen her much in the past few years, thanks to her granddaughter moving away and thus not coming over anymore, which resulted in me not going over there much either, and then going to college states away didn't make it easier for me to see her. Not that I made much of an effort, I'm rather ashamed to admit. A few weeks ago, though, my sister, mom, and I went over to see her because she wanted to see the new baby. I'm glad now that I chose to follow along to see her. It came as quite a shock when my dad told me, but at the same time I wasn't exactly surprised: there were a large number of cars in front of their house, which is rather unusual, so I knew that something was up -- but given the fact that I'm a pessimist and tend to assume the worst normally anyway, only to have the worst not come true, I didn't think that I could possibly be right in my assumption that either she or her husband had died.

Anyway, obviously I was wrong in thinking that, because it turns out I was right, and I wish I wasn't. It is so weird to me to think that she's gone. I won't say I was wonderfully close to her, but I have fond memories of her carting my sister and I along with her granddaughter to the mall, various stores, and other places. Spending many summer days over at their house next door. It's hard to wrap my head around the whole thing. I knew it would happen eventually, but it's one of those things you expect to happen but can't believe when it actually does. I don't really know what I'm saying right now. I don't know what I'm feeling, because I don't like to feel things. It's easier for me to feel grief for a fictional character than it is to show real grief for a real person I knew and was at least somewhat close to. I don't know why. All I know is it's hard for me to wrap my mind around this whole thing. And also, it doesn't matter what I feel right now, because there are other people hurting.

So, prayers for the Meadows family would be appreciated. While Ann wasn't young, I don't think that this was in any way expected, and Hal (her husband) is understandably torn up about it. To say the least. Any prayers would help, I am sure.

And sorry about how disjointed this is. It's hard to gather my thoughts about it, whatever they are. It's been (thankfully) a long time since someone close to me died. Four and a half years since my grandmom, and since then two pets but those seem to be on a different level in my head. I don't like thinking about this, and I really can't believe I wrote this much about it.

Teeth that are glued in with cement

Every time I have a paper to write, I forget just how much getting me to write it is like pulling teeth. Especially any time before around midnight the night before it's due. I've been sitting here all day staring at a mostly blank Microsoft Word document, occasionally adding a word or maybe even a sentence here and there. Which results in me not being very far done with it right now. And that's just one of the papers. (The other one that's due isn't due until midnight tomorrow night, emailed obviously, and I have a bit better grasp on that one than this, which is due in my 10:50 class tomorrow morning. When we're going to be discussing the movie we're supposed to have watched which, of course, I haven't done because I've been trying to get this paper done all day and last night. 2 hours and 40 minutes seems like an excessively long time to devote to discussing one movie that isn't even two full hours long. Sigh.) I'm basically a failure. It's a wonder I've made it through this much of my college career with semi-decent grades. Of course, unlike some friends I have, I have conditioned myself to be able to function on very little (and occasionally no) sleep, so sleep has become an easily expendable part of my life when I have assignments to do. Dumb? Quite. But it's what I've gotten used to, pretty much since I started having real assignments and projects to do. Of course, in middle school, my idea of giving up sleep was staying up until 10 or maybe midnight. But when a midnight bedtime is considered early, obviously the hours into which I will stay up become closer to the hours at which I have to be awake. Oh well. No worries.

Know what's exciting, though? After these two papers are turned in tomorrow, all I'll have to do is read All Quiet on the Western Front by Tuesday, and then I won't have to worry about schoolwork for another month. (Which means that starting tomorrow, I won't be worrying about schoolwork for another month, because I'm almost sure I won't be reading the entire book. Unless it turns out to be good, in which case I will, but otherwise I'll just give it a skim through. It's not like I'm going to be graded on it. Terrible attitude to have, I know, but for some reason there's such a struggle for me when I have to do something versus when I want to do something. A book that I might love, I'll end up hating if I am forced to read it for a class. There have been exceptions to this, obviously, but I'm still very juvenile in that respect.) And hopefully the schoolwork I have starting a month from this Saturday will be at least slightly more interesting than this WWI stuff, considering four of my five classes are directly related to my major, and the fifth is Latin, which I already know I like. Anyway. Back to work now.

Bound for life

Last night, I happened upon a post on a blog which I visit infrequently, which discussed parents paying for college and loans and such. Actually it stemmed from a post on another blog I visit, which was discussing how people can afford to have big families, and I guess the topic came up regarding not having as many kids so that the parents can afford to send to college the ones they do have. In the comments of the post I saw last night, most were agreeing that it's fairly ridiculous to have fewer children just because it might not be doable to send eight to college and pay for them all. This topic was rather interesting to me because I am in college, and I'm going to be paying for it for THE REST OF MY LIFE. My parents are helping out, but they're not paying all of it. (My dad actually pushed me slightly to attend Notre Dame, back when I was in the decision process, by saying that he'd pay more if I went there than he would if I went elsewhere. This is helpful, since ND is pretty expensive compared to some other places I was considering. Although, since all of them were private, I guess it wasn't that much more expensive. And they gave me the best financial aid, I believe.)

I've been taking out loans every year, and this year is no exception. In fact, it's even less of an exception. That makes no sense. Anyway, I'm having to pay quite a bit more, substantially more, this coming year because ND decreased my aid rather largely, of course mostly in the scholarship portion I was receiving and not the loan portion they give me every year. This is due to the fact that this is the first year I haven't had another sibling in college, and not only that, but none of my siblings live at home anymore or are dependents of my parents. Not even my younger brother who, as of the previous time we filled out the FAFSA (February 06), he was still living at home and was planning on going to a technical school. Obviously that didn't happen and he went into the army instead, but it was still on the FAFSA and ND had already given me my financial aid, which I had already accepted, by the time he decided to do the army thing. The two times we had done it before that, Tom was in college. This time, though, none of that, so therefore my parents could afford to pay more money since it's just me they have to worry about, and thus less money for Susie from ND. They are paying a bit more this year than they have previously, but I'm still having to take out a substantial loan in addition to the financial aid I received and the loan my parents are taking out for their portion.

With the fact that I didn't manage to procure a job this summer (which would have probably only given me around $1000 by the end of the summer anyway) to help with the tuition thing, and the fact that I'm having to take out a large loan this year, I'm obviously fairly concerned about this money thing to an extent I haven't been before. It might also be the fact that this is my last year and as a result I'm closer to having to start actually paying off all these loans, since they're marked as the kind that I don't have to worry about until I'm all gradumacated. It's enough to make me wonder if I should even bother applying for grad school at the JPII Institute. If I do apply, and somehow get accepted and end up attending, that's another probably $12-15K that I'll have to come up with over the two years I'll be there. Not to mention I have to take the GRE, which costs $120. A drop in the bucket compared to all this other stuff, but given the paltry amount of money that's sitting in my bank account right now and the fact that I have to take it soon, it's a rather considerable amount. And I feel bad enough as it is having my parents pay for so much of my living expenses at the moment without having them pay for that, too. The whole situation is almost enough for me to want to drop out and just go start earning money. Ok, that might be a lie, but still.

Notre Dame is a ridiculously expensive school, and sometimes I wonder if all this money and these loans I'm going to be paying off for years to come will have been worth it. But I know how much I love it, and how much I'll treasure the experiences I had there, so even though I may be cursing these loans 73 years down the line, I'll be glad I can say I went to Notre Dame. That doesn't make the loans any less worrisome. Maybe if I were planning on doing something great and grand and important with my degree, something that will get me lots of money and prestige, it wouldn't be such an issue. But first, I don't think there's a job on earth that would give a theology major lots of money and prestige. Everyone knows that if you get a degree in anything liberal arts-related, you'll either be in a low-paying job, or you'll be doing something not at all related to that degree. And if I do go to grad school, I don't exactly think a master's in theological studies on marriage and family will cause people to clamor for me to come work for them, throwing money in my face. Not to mention the fact that once I get married (assuming I do), I want to stay home when I have kids (also assuming I have those), and that's about as low paying a job as a person can get. Money-wise, anyway. The fact that I want to do this has always made going to such an expensive school seem semi-ridiculous. A guy I knew in high school, who knew I was going to Notre Dame, asked me why I'd waste so much money there (or possibly going to college at all; I forget the details) if I was just planning on "wasting" my degree once I had kids. Whatever. But it does make me question things. I mean, with all these loans, will it even be possible to live on one income once all those hypothetical things happen? I don't know. (This is why I'm planning on marrying a millionaire and just cutting out the whole worrying about money thing. Good plan, no?)

Eh, I know it's a bit dumb to start worrying about things that are probably at least a few years off anyway, but worrying about money is my favorite pasttime. And it's been on my mind a lot this summer. I am quite lucky to have parents who are willing to help me out when I need it, and aren't forcing me to pay for the entire cost of my education by myself, and I realize that, but I don't like them having to pay for it any more than I like me having to pay for it. Perhaps even less. I guess the only logical thing to do is to win the lottery. Then neither of us have to worry about it. (This would require me actually playing, though, which I admit I have never done.) Anyway. I know it'll all work out somehow, eventually, and all that jazz, but I still hate the whole thing. It'd be really nice if, on the FAFSA, they took into account the amount the parents are actually going to be paying, instead of assuming that parents will pay the full amount minus whatever financial aid is given. I suppose that'd be easy to manipulate, though. But it really sucks for those of us whose parents aren't footing the entire bill, even though FAFSA is entirely based on parental income. More or less. I think. (Right?) Oh well. I could have made it easier on myself and just gone to CSU, gotten a year's worth of credit from the fact that I was an International Baccalaureate graduate (instead of getting absolutely zero credit for IB from Notre Dame. Thanks, ND. Sigh), and only had to pay a fraction of what Notre Dame costs. But I have a friend who just graduated from CSU, a year early, and for her it seems college was just another thing on the path. For me, going to Notre Dame has become a part of me, part of my identity, and I know I'll remember it quite fondly and nostalgically, instead of just another thing I did before entering the "real world." Is that worth having loans to pay off for a good number of years? I don't know. I sure hope it is, and I really think it will be.

How's she doing?

Remember last week when I told you Colt got into a bit of a fight? Well, I figured (since, you know, I have two essays due tomorrow and thus nothing better to do than update my blog) I should update y'all. (Sometimes I wish I were from Texas. But not really, because then I would have had to endure Texas heat for some period of time, and I'm almost to the point now lately here where I have to resort to using the air conditioning when driving around. I haven't succumbed yet, though, because I hate air conditioning on principle and it'll take a lot more than lower to mid 90 degree weather to make me give in.)

Anyway, her nose indeed did swell up a bit. Whereas before it curved inward on the bridge, when looking at her from the side, before curving out again where her nose is, it was just a straight line from her forehead to her nose. And it just made her look weird, and not like the cat I've known and loved for...six years now. Wow, six years? Huh. Anyway. I took some pictures, because it was just bizarre to see this cat's face distorted to an extent that I almost barely believed it was her. I mean, not really that dramatically, but it was weird. I was going to put the pictures on here, or one at least, but probably no one wants to see that. It looked pretty gross, too, the cut itself, since it bled a bit and then scabbed over. And then a few days ago it started to pus a little bit. (This is so gross. I have no idea why I'm telling this to the Internet.) And then Dad found some antibacterial stuff that we had gotten at some point for some other pet ailment, and he looked it up on the Internet and it's a cat and dog thing, so he's put that on a few times. It's starting to look better, but it's still really gross to look at, so I try not to. The other thing, and I feel bad about this because it makes me want to avoid her a bit, is that it kinda smells. I'm not sure if it's the cut itself or the antibacterial stuff, but it's not pleasant. So I'm looking forward to it healing fully. Poor cat. I wish I could just stick a bandaid on it and call it a day, but seeing as how she reacts when someone puts tape on her fur, anywhere (going all crazy and running away as fast as possible as if to run away from the tape that is stuck to her), I doubt she'd be very hapy with a bandaid on the bridge of her nose. It'd be entertaining for me at least, though. But I'm not that mean to her. Usually. Hehe. Poor fat kitty.

Sorry, can't help it

I know I said that I wouldn't be talking about Harry Potter anymore, not much anyway. Well, I lied. I don't have anyone with whom to discuss it, because none of my friends/family who read Harry Potter (and there's a limited number of those who do) have finished it yet. Ok, that's a lie too. I'm sure my school friends have finished it, and they're all fairly fanatical about it (to the extent that I just couldn't remain roommates with three of them, and practically roommates with a fourth, sophomore year without ending up getting hooked. They were so proud when I made my first Harry Potter reference. I believe it was at a football game. Man I miss football games. Only 39 days left, people). Unfortunately though, I haven't been in contact with them very regularly this summer, as our main mode of communication is often AIM, and with time differences and all, and the fact that they all have jobs and such keeping them busy, I'm not often on AIM at the same time as them. Which results in the fact that I haven't had a chance even to see how they liked it yet. But anyway. This brings us to the fact that I must have an outlet somewhere, and what's the point of having a blog if I can't self-indulge on it? (Because I never, ever do that.)

Anyway. I just read an article that made me all kinds of happy. Or at least somewhat happy. Discusses the character who was going to be killed in the seventh book that Rowling just couldn't kill, in the end. Not who I expected. I'm glad that person didn't get killed, though, although I wish another person who was killed could have survived instead. And not the one who I guess she ended up killing instead of that first person. Haha this would be so much less confusing if I actually used names. I guess I could put a spoiler warning. Eh maybe some other time, if I feel like discussing it more. Anyway. I'm also very excited that it looks like there will be an encyclopedia of sorts, giving both backstory and what happened after the end of the book (stuff that lots of people wish the epilogue had discussed, but the epilogue was rather sparse on details regarding the survivors' lives post-Hogwarts). That'll be cool to read, if it does happen. It looks like it will, but who knows when.

I hope they do justice to the book when they make the movie. I know they won't, because they really haven't thus far (especially the last few, it seems). I really like the first two movies, and I was really disappointed with the fifth one regarding stuff they left out or changed or whatnot (including the part with Snape's worst memory, which only consisted of flashes of memory in the movie, and they left out one of if not the most important part of the memory. Although I guess we don't find that out until the seventh book, but I had heard many speculate on it before the seventh book to the extent that I took it as common knowledge), so I hope they get it together for the next two. Especially the seventh. I definitely don't think they need to squeeze it into a two hour movie. It'll be rather bad, I think, if they try to do that. People go to see longer movies (look at the Lord of the Rings movies), especially if it's for a series to which they've been devoted for years. And if they make a disappointing movie to finish out the series, I don't think people will be too happy. I know I won't. But no one really cares what I think, in the grand scheme of things. Anyway. An awesome book deserves an awesome movie. (But at the same time I'm aware of the fact that no matter how good the movie may be, it won't be nearly as good as the image I get in my head when reading. Ah well.)

Oh, and here's another article I just read tonight about some Christian-related themes found in Harry Potter. It's pretty interesting.

She sure hate's that

I went to the library today after my class to pick up a movie I had put on hold, which I have to watch for that class. I was standing in line, waiting so that one of the library people could get the DVD for me (since DVD -- and CD -- holds aren't put in the regular holds section; you have to get a worker to get them for you). As I was standing there, I noticed a sign that said something about getting holds and waiting in line if you need DVDs that are on hold, or something like that. All I remember, specifically, is that DVDs was written "DVD's." They put an apostrophe in there. On a sign at the library. It just seems so wrong. I mean, putting apostrophes after things that are just acronyms, like the word DVD, doesn't necessarily bother me as much as, say, writing "Book's on hold are around the corner" or "All the horse's are at the fair." (I have been known to write the plural of a letter grade, for example the grade A, as "A's," mostly because otherwise it's just "As." And that is a different word.) But still. I would hope that the library is better than that. Sigh. Life was so much nicer when I wasn't such a grammar nazi. (Although, was it really? I mean, is a life without correct grammar any kind of a life at all? Haha.)

This is the end, my only friend, the end

I finished it last night. This morning, if you want to be picky. I hadn't planned on reading it all yesterday, necessarily, but then I just got so caught up in it and didn't want to put it down (and I'll admit, I still had a slight fear that somehow, someone at church would have finished it or read the spoilers and would ruin it for me. Don't ask my why on earth that would ever happen, but I can't always be expected to be rational, can I?). I did get some sleep though, and got up in time for 9:30 Mass. So I'm a little tired, but I'm enjoying being able to reflect on the book and such. I don't really know what to say or how I feel. I mean, it's always sad when a great and gripping series comes to an end, isn't it? Especially one that has the incredible ability to drag people into its little fantasy world, making it seem completely real and plausible, making the characters become like best friends to whom you don't want to say goodbye. You can't read these books and not love all the Weasleys (except maybe Percy. And I'm more or less ambivalent towards Charlie and Bill, as they're kind of just filler characters to me). You can't help feeling Harry's sadness at never knowing his parents, not past the age of one at least. You can't help but wish you had teachers like McGonagall, or someone like Dumbledore as your mentor; can't help but long for a school like Hogwarts (not that I want to be come a witch or anything -- but the brand of witch in the Harry Potter series is nothing like witches in the real world, who call upon and answer to a dark and disturbing force. Wizardry in Harry Potter is simply something that some people have the ability to do, and it has nothing to do whatsoever with calling upon any otherworldly force or anything like that. It's just like...the color hair you have, or how tall you are. You can't decide to become a witch or wizard, you either are or aren't. And thus the difference between Harry Potter's world and our world, in which witches are tapped into something evil to do what they do). It's a wonderful escape, reading these books, and lucky for us even though there won't be any more new adventures, we still have the old ones to revisit again and again.

So, how was this last one? It was incredible. I don't think anyone reads this who reads Harry Potter, but just in case, I won't give away anything too juicy. People died, a lot more than I expected, and not just random people or people from the bad side (though there were plenty deaths of that sort), but people we've met and even grown to love throughout the series. Four (maybe five) were particularly sad, but especially two of them. One of those two was surprising and thus even more sad, the other I pretty much expected. The resolution to the story, however, was just amazing. The way it ended was awesome. It had to be something completely off-the-charts to fit the hype, and in my opinion it did that. I mean, I'm sure some think it could have been done better, but I really liked the way Rowling did it. I had heard earlier this year that one character that she was going to kill off had gotten a pass, but two others had died instead. I wonder who was the one she saved, and who were the two she ended up sacrificing. This book was different than the others in that very little of it took place at Hogwarts. So there was none of the angst over classes and homework, none of the excitement of Quidditch matches and Hogsmeade trips. But it wouldn't have been possible, I think, to have that normalcy for Harry in this book. So while I missed roaming through the halls of Hogwarts, it made sense. (And there are a rather important series of events that take place at Hogwarts, so it's not abandoned completely.) It was just almost bizarre, reading this seventh book and realizing that it was the final installment of a series that began with Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, even though the two books seem lightyears replaced from each other in their setting, tone, mood, and circumstances. The first was much more fantasy, much more light. By the seventh, there's real evil out there, right outside the door, and it's no longer possible to pretend it's not there or that it'll go away. It's much more real and developed and mature in its emotions. But that's how it had to be, because Harry has become an adult by the seventh, and is no longer protected by that which (and those who) could do so. It was always leading to this, but here, there's nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and he had no choice but to do what he could to conquer the evil that was squeezing life and happiness out of the world. He had to do it on his own. In a word, this book was what I would call satisfying. The series too, for that matter. Perhaps a few things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, but the stuff that happened generally worked out the way they were supposed to, and that's satisfying. I don't like loose ends.

Anyway. I'm done waxing sentimental about this. Needless to say, I think that this book definitely lived up to its hype for me, so that's good. I'm not even that broken up about the fact that the series is over now; after all, I haven't put in eight or ten years of devotion to and anticipation for these books. I only started reading them at Christmas (but developed a liking for the series a year before that, with the movies -- which now seems almost ludicrous given the fact that the movies have absolutely nothing compared to the books. And this seventh book is so good I'm not even sure I'll want to see its movie version, because...yeah. I know they're separate and all, but I just don't like to see unfulfilling versions of movies made from books I love. But that's probably another three years away anyway). So it's not as if I suddenly have nothing because this series into which I've put in so much time is now done. But yeah. Anyway. So there you go. And now you won't have to hear me talk about Harry Potter stuff anymore this summer. Well, more or less. (And yes, I realize that it's slightly pathetic that I have spent so much time thinking/talking about this, but hey, it's my blog, and I can discuss a series I enjoy if I want to, even if it's considered to be childish. For the record though, the first two, maybe three, books of the series were child-appropriate, but the further on they go, the older the target audience should be. I most certainly wouldn't think that anyone younger than maybe...13 or so should read the last few. Particularly this one. And even 13 might be pushing it. Anyway though, if people didn't talk about books, then they'd all become obscure and unnecessary. Not to mention, English classes would become obsolete. And while these might not be the deepest as far as literature is concerned, I'd argue that they're better than half the stuff I read in high school -- perhaps this is just because I hated most of the drivel I was forced to read in high school -- and they have some nice themes running through out them that provide ample examples (hehe) for discussion and exploration.) (And also for the record, though people like to say that the Pope came out against the books, from what I can tell he never actually really said that, and in fact probably hasn't even read them and therefore whatever he says is going off of speculation. I just dislike it when people bring up the "Oh, the Pope says they're bad" line. Just because the media said that that's what the Pope said most certainly does not make it true. There's no document out there from the Pope, no official decree saying "Harry Potter is evil." So...yeah. Just thought I'd throw that in there.)

It's after midnight in much of the country. I don't want to go anywhere else online.

A - Attached or Single?
About as single as you can get.

B - Best Friend:
What about her? Or them? (I'd say I have a few best friends, probably.)

C- Cake or Pie:
Dude, I really do like my cake. Particularly the cheese variety. And the cup variety. But not so much the double-chocolate with extra chocolate chunks chocolate icing.

D- Drink of Choice:
Totally anything with alcohol. Except not. Not sure exactly what my favorite drink is. Colorado water is always good. Although I drink a surprisingly small amount of it.

E - Essential Item:
Hm, well I am rather attached to this laptop. But I'd probably somewhat more saddened if I lost one or both of my rings. I would be sad if my laptop died though, with all the stuff I have on here (that I save, packrat that I am, but never go back to look at...music and pictures being the exception, obviously).

F - Favorite Color:
Oh, I never know what to answer for this one anymore. I like pretty colors. And blue.

G - Gummi Bears or Worms?
I guess worms. Don't really care much for either. Don't dislike them, but I'm never like, "Man, I want some Gummi Bears/Worms." Now, Jelly Bellies, man I could eat those All.The.Time.

H - Hometown:
Good ol' Colorado Springs

I - Indulgence:
Dude, I indulge on just way too much. I have no self-control. Especially when it comes to delicious foods. Mmmmm.

J - January or February?
Ehhh, I'm not a January fan. It just always seems like a rather crap month. So I guess February wins by default.

K - Kids:
Maybe one of these days. Although hopefully not one of these days soon, because that would mean that some definitely unexpected things happened. Haha.

L - Life is incomplete without:
I. (Or, spoken grammatically, me. Hahaha.) Were I to be serious, then...love. Love is important. (Just read Harry Potter! Love is what will allow Harry to vanquish Voldemort. True story. hehe. Sorry. I'm a big loser.)

M - Marriage Date:
Let's hope it's before...2010. Sigh.

N - Number of Siblings:
Trois, plus a sibling-in-law.

O - Oranges or Apples?
Oh definitely apples.

P - Phobias/Fears:
Well, I've become rather irrational in my..."dislike" of spiders this summer. And I occasionally worry that my house will burn down someday. But I've always worried about that. And now I really hope it doesn't happen like tomorrow or something now...this is why I don't like voicing my fears, because then I'm convinced it's going to happen the next day. I'm so irrational sometimes.

Q - Favorite Quote:
I don't really have one. I sometimes pretend to, but I don't think I really do. Oh well.

R - Reasons to smile:
Kebbie. :-)

S - Season:
Today I've been feeling quite a soft spot for autumn. But this always happens halfway or so through any season; I start getting sick of it and wishing for the next one. Particularly when the next one is spring or autumn. Mmm autumn at ND is amazing. And not just for the obvious, the football. But all of it. Yay autumn.

T- Tag Three
Your face, your mom, and...Bob. (Hey, what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob!)

U - Unknown Fact About Me:
I have a third leg. Oh, it has to be real? Hm. Lately I've been feeling almost suffocated living in this neighborhood which, like most neighborhoods in the city, is full of houses not nearly far enough away from each other.

V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals?
Total oppressor. Not that I'm all, "Mmm meat" all the time, but I'd really miss it if I went vegetarian. Some of it. Not the steak, and not the raw stuff, but yeah.

W - Worst Habit:
Tough one...procrastination? Packratism? Indecisiveness? (I wish I could make that third one start with a P.)

X - X-rays or Ultrasounds?
I think I had an x-ray one time, to see if I had broken a toe (which is pointless, because it's not like they can do anything about it anyway, really. I think it wasn't broken though.)

Y - Your Favorite Foods:
Oh man, pizza. Pepperoni pizza. And...chicken lo mein. Mmmmm. And my dad's beef stew is pretty high up there too. And his mashed potatoes, the best you'll ever taste. Oh and the turkey we make every year for Thanksgiving, cooked on the grill with some bacon on top. That with the mashed potatoes is practically heaven. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Z- Zodiac:
Virgo. Which is fitting, since, hey, I'm a virgin! haha.

Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

That's a sound of excitement, by the way. Anyway. Harry Potter will be here in around T-12 hours. Well, at the very latest, T-12 hours 40 minutes. Or else it's free. (I really wouldn't mind at all if it were delivered at, say, 1:30 or so tomorrow afternoon. But (un?)fortunately, they're being delivered by UPS, and thus I have to admit that they'll probably all be at their respective new homes by noon tomorrow. UPS>USPS. Don't forget it.) And boy oh boy am I excited. I've been reading the sixth Harry Potter all day today, really. I probably read close to three hundred pages today (hey, I had nothing else to do, and I had to get it read before tomorrow, so leave me alone), in between carefully surfing the Internet (hoping against hope that none of my regular sites would contain spoilers, and that I wouldn't somehow accidentally stumble onto some website that did have spoilers. Luckily, nothing so far, so I should be good until I read the thing. Although, I'm going to have to be careful tomorrow if I get online before or even while I'm reading it) and doing other uninteresting things, including watching an old favorite, Ever After. Great movie. Anyway. I have a feeling this seventh book will be read rather quickly by me (and many others). I've heard from several people who have already read the book that it is excellent, and the best of the series. I'm very much looking forward to finding out some answers to questions which have been lingering throughout the series. Including and especially what it is that Snape told Dumbledore that made Dumbledore trust him. Man. Great stuff. So I'm quite excited. It's nice to be excited about things like this. For some reason being excited about this book is different than being excited about a highly anticipated movie. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that, when watching a movie, you're a completely passive audience. When you read a book, you're quite active in the story, almost becoming the characters themselves. I don't know. Reading>watching movies. Fact. Mmmmm I'm excited.

(And, for the record, I don't understand why so many people find it highly odd and irregular that so many adults are so into these books. Sure, they're billed as children's books, but they're just great stories. They're not childish stories. Obviously, seeing as how the main characters are children/teenagers, some of what they go through are more younger-people-oriented, but they're captivating and absolutely gripping stories. Although I guess technically my generation, or people my age (what constitutes a generation?) get a pass, seeing as how we were kind of in the right age bracket when they first came out. I am, of course, ignoring the fact that I didn't watch the movies until sophomore year of college, and didn't pick up a book until halfway through my junior year of college. Actually that's not true. I tried reading the first one years ago. I guess I was in high school, but I forget exactly what grade. Didnt' click with me then, but I refused to enjoy anything fantasy-related for awhile (with the exception of the Chronicles of Narnia, to which I had been introduced and with which I fell in love as a child). Heck, I refused to let myself get dragged into the Lord of the Rings thing until the third movie came out, at which point I decided I should maybe see what all the hype was about (and then I subsequently quite enjoyed them. Books I have yet to read. Partway through the first, and I have read the Hobbit which was a lovely read.) Anyway. I forget what my point was. And I just realised that this whole paragraph is supposed to be encased in parentheses. So, seeing as how I've lost the main point anyway, here.)

Don't touch the dead rabbits!

I just got an email from the UCCS security people (or, at least, I just checked that email and saw it in there. But I don't check that email very often). It's a note thing informing the school that there have been reported cases of Tularemia, of which I have never heard, but apparently it has something to do with rabbits or something. Rabbit fever, I guess. At the end of the message, they warn us, as a precaution (because it's rare but can be serious in humans) not to approach or touch rabbit or other carcasses. Man, I wish I had found this out yesterday! I saw a dead rabbit lying on the ground after class and of course, logically and obviously, I went over to it and poked and prodded and then moved it from the ground to a bench. Because, you know, that's what you do with dead animals. Touch them, and move them around and such. Geez, do people really have to be told not to touch dead animals? I sure don't want to be friends with people who freely and openly touch animal carcasses. I mean, unless it's like a pet or something, and you know from what it died. But yeah. Weird.

Didn't take long for this post to change tracks...

I don't think I've ever driven in South Bend before. No, that's not true, sophomore year I drove Sara's car at least once. That's right. But I think that was it. Unless I drove Katherine's car at some point this past semester, which, if I did, I don't remember. Hm. It'll be weird having a car up there. But nice. (Until something happens to it and I need to take it to get checked or something...so let's hope that doesn't happen, shall we?)

So for the paper I wrote for my ethics class that was due today, I decided to write about the immorality of abortion. This was a good and bad idea. Good, because I knew the main points about which I wanted to write. And it's not hard for me to write about why I believe abortion is wrong. Bad, because it was only supposed to be four pages. And it's not hard for me to write about why I believe abortion is wrong. Needless to say, I had a bit of trouble including an intro paragraph, three main body paragraphs with a separate point each, a paragraph with a criticism of one of the points, and a paragraph responding to the criticism. Ended up with about 4.5 pages, so hopefully my teacher won't be too much a stickler for that four page thing. But man, sitting down to write a paper about a few reasons abortion is wrong really brings it into focus yet again. I mean, I always know it's just a terrible horrible thing, but sometimes it doesn't truly seep in, you know? But once in awhile I'll really be thinking about it, and geez. How can people think it's ok? 50 million have been killed in the US alone since 1973. I think the worldwide estimate is around 40-50 million per year. Babies are being massacred right under our noses, and we don't do anything about it. Some of us condone it. And it's beyond a heartbreaking situation. Like my dad often says, some day down the line (hopefully sooner rather than later) we, we being the country or the human race in general or something, will look back at this period where abortion was legal and we'll be as disgusted with today's people as we are by those who condoned slavery to the point of starting a war. Or we'll be as disgusted as we are by Hitler and his men. In both cases, a section of the human race was deemed by some to be less than human, not deserving of human rights, and treated deplorably. Exactly the situation we have today, only the section of the human race under attack are our infants, those who should be guaranteed the most protection. It's an awful situation.

You know, I look at my newborn nephew, who wasn't due for another week, and I realize just how amazing babies are. I mean, he's not that different from a baby who's only at 20 weeks gestation. He's about as different from that baby as he is from a 20 month old baby. How someone can see newborn babies and not realize that they are ending a life just like that one is beyond me. And even though most abortions happen in the first trimester, especially I think within the first eight or ten weeks, even those babies aren't that far from looking just like a newborn. People are so adamant about the evils of animal abuse, but the people who seem to be so pro-animals also tend to be more pro-abortion. I remember in eighth grade, my first real experience debating the abortion issue with someone who disagreed, my best friend (at the time) was staying the night, and we were up very late discussing it. She was so pro-choice (I think I remember her saying that her mom had had an abortion years before, and so she felt that abortion was ok because had her mom not done that, she [my friend] wouldn't be here. Which to me seemed to be saying that she felt her life was more important than that of her sibling), and actually was all those really liberal things -- pro gay everything, extremely feminist to the point almost of man-hating, or so it seemed, vegetarian, pro-PETA, pro-ACLU, etc. Yeah, I'm not sure how we got to be that close; we had nothing in common aside from our tendency toward nerdiness and being teacher's pets, and we actually kind of very much disliked each other 6th and most of 7th grades. Our friendship didn't last terribly long, however. Hard to maintain a relationship when you go to different high schools and disagree on many topics. Anyway, one of the things I remember most from this debate was how she was so strongly for allowing women the choice to kill their children (that phrase isn't the best to use in debates, but I'm not debating anyone at the moment), and yet she was so against eating meat because the animals are treated so badly or whatnot. Which may or may not be true, but how can you place the importance of an animal over the life of a child? I don't think I'll ever understand how people can hold those two views at the same time.

Ok, sorry. I'm done on that issue now. For now.

Well, I was originally going to write about something else, but then I wrote about this, and it'd just seem weird to go on to another topic now, so...bye.

That damn cat

Sorry about the language. I'm rather mad though. Colt slipped outside tonight when the door was open as we were transferring Jason and Jimmy from the house to the car to take them home. A little while later, I thought I heard some meowing outside, so I went and opened the front door to see if Colt and that grey cat that's been hanging around far too often this summer (and getting into fighting matches/staring at each other making those weird mad cat noises) were on the porch or something. I didn't see anything, and at first didn't hear anything either, but then I thought I heard it again, so I went to the side of the porch to look at the side yard, and there they were. It was starting to rain a bit too, so I stood there and kept calling Colt, who seemed to want to come inside but was reluctant to turn her back on this cat or let him go or something. But eventually she did come onto the porch, and then I got her into the house. She seemed to be a bit dirty and looked kind of tousled, but nothing major. A bit later, Mom noticed that she had a cut on her nose. And boy is it a cut. A rather deep gash which makes me kinda sick to my stomach to look at. Or think about. (Not that this is hard to do; someone even just mentioning that they got a paper cut can do that too. I don't do well with injuries. Particularly of the cut kind.) We're just going to let it heal on its own (and hopefully it does so successfully and quickly), because a vet would just do like stitches and cost lots of money and make her wear one of those cone collars (they call them Elizabethan collars). Poor Chicken. I hope she doesn't have other cuts somewhere else that we haven't noticed (we haven't really examined her much beyond looking at her nose to see how bad it is), but I'm sure she'll be ok soon enough. So anyway, now I'm pissed at this cat. It was an annoyance before, but now he's gone too far, and he's injured my Chicken. Unacceptable. I just wanna let Kebbie loose on him. (But then she'd just end up running down the street somewhere and lose the cat, and we'd have to go get her because she likes to take her sweet time coming back to the house after she chases something.)

My poor Pinkin. :-(

Things discovered

I just tonight found out that laptop cooling pads exist. Things on which a person can place her poor, tired, hot laptop, which have two little fans to help the laptop to cool itself. And apparently they aren't that expensive either. I've seen a few in the $10-15 range. I think I might look into getting one of those for myself at some point. It sure would be nice not to have to deal with an annoyingly hot laptop all the time, as I currently do.

Know what else? Drinking wine is the perfect accompaniment to writing essays. Lovely part of being home. Haha. Although, I could easily have alcohol in my room this coming year. (Not hard alcohol, of course, but I don't ever drink hard alcohol.) Such as the wine I am currently drinking, the lovely girlie Arbor Mist Tropical Fruits Chardonnay. First time trying Arbor Mist (well, Saturday night was the first time), and it's quite good. Anyway though.

To continue this odd assortment of ideas, I saw this thing the other day. Totally completely blows my mind. I just don't believe it. But apparently it is true, and it's so weird. Usually with things such as those (where your eyes play tricks on you), I can see it after I'm shown it or whatever, and while it might still be weird, it doesn't mess with my brain like this one does. We-eird. (Edit: My dad reminded me that the page to which I linked is a daily updated page, and that this is the page I was talking about. But the daily updated one is pretty cool too, often.)

Best in Show: Ferret Edition

I was looking at what was on TV just now, or a little while ago, and saw that on PBS there was something on called "Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence" and I told Peter, kinda sarcastically, that it was on and we should watch it. So he switched to it (there's nothing on tonight), and man. Hilarious. It's like a dog show deal, except with ferrets, and in what looks like the basement of a large building or something. Very very weird. All the people (maybe not all, but a large number) were rather fat, and they were very very serious about their ferrets. I can't do it justice here in writing, but man. It was awesome. Haha. I believe the actual show they were in was called like the Ferret Buckeye Bash or something, and obviously it was in Ohio. It was just...wow. Haha. I don't even know what to say.

Essays are dumb.

Know what's not fun? Having a four page paper due on the same day you're supposed to have a whole book read for another class (despite the fact that there have been other reading assignments for said class every day previously. Every day it's held, at least). And most especially when you still have half of the sixth Harry Potter to get through before Saturday, when the long-awaited (although for me, the wait has only been a few months, instead of the two years practically every other single Harry Potter fan has had to wait). Ah well, that's what Friday is for. And Saturday and Sunday will be for HP7. And then I'm going to have to kick my butt into gear again because I have a 3-4 pager due in history next Thursday, and a 6 pager due in ethics next Tuesday. Or Thursday. She's not particularly picky, apparently. But seeing as how I don't do well with two essays due on the same day, I should probably work on getting the ethics one done sooner than later...

But first I have to do the one that's due tomorrow. Haha. Aw I suck.

Why would you do that?

So I just read somewhere that the entire Harry Potter book has been leaked. Someone got a copy and took pictures of every page and posted them somewhere. And from this, someone updated the wikipedia site about Harry Potter, revealing a major death in the seventh book. Now, some are speculating (perhaps hoping in vain) that it's possible someone just did this to be a jerk and it's actually like photoshopped and thus not real, but I wouldn't be surprised if it is real. I just don't understand people who do this. I mean, not only is it dishonest to the author and such, but it can potentially ruin the reading experience for numerous people who perhaps unwittingly stumbled across a spoiler without realizing what they were reading at first. All these people trying to be the first to "break the news" and whatnot. Why can't they just let people read it themselves? I'm starting to get wary of being online the next few days, for fear that I'll go to a news website or something and there'll be a headline that says like "Harry Potter dies in Seventh Book" or someone else dies or whatnot. This is the first of the books that I will have read without knowing some or most of the major plot points. And, while sometimes I accidentally have something spoiled for me (a movie or something) and I survive, it just takes something out of the experience of seeing/reading it for the first time, and I want to be able to have that completely new, unspoiled experience this time, with this book. So please, if you find out a spoiler for this book, big or small, don't tell me. Don't post it in a comment. Don't email me. Don't call me. Don't tell me in person. I don't want to know.

Kinda exciting...

Ok, so y'all remember that I mentioned that Motu Proprio a bit over a week ago, and how now, or starting September 14 (wonderful day, by the way), the Tridentine Mass will be more easily available (in theory) all over? And how I hoped that Notre Dame will have at least one Mass a week with the now "extraordinary" form (as opposed to the "ordinary," the Novus Ordo Mass currently used all over. And not always wonderfully)? At least, I think I mentioned that hope. Perhaps I just thought it. Anyway. I do hope it. Well, Facebook being the wonderful thing that it is, it didn't take long for a group to be started with the name "I am interested in having the Tridentine Mass at Notre Dame." Now, it's not a huge group at this point, but it does make it seem like there's most definitely going to be celebrations of that Mass at school this year. And, in the comments section of that group, someone said that someone in the know has said that things are already being set in motion to have the TLM at Notre Dame. So. That's cool. I'm kinda excited about it.

And it's also come out in the past few days that the TLM is the form that Pope Benedict uses in his private Masses. So that's pretty cool too.

Anyway.

But buses have padded walls!

I was discussing this with my mom and sister yesterday, when my sister mentioned that she had heard some state requires children to be in carseats until they are eight years old (and weigh eighty pounds). Apparently in Colorado it's four (and forty pounds). There are such stringent laws regarding seatbelts for children and child safety seats and whatnot, and yet school buses don't even have seatbelts, let alone require them and carseats and all that jazz. It's the weirdest thing to me that buses don't have seatbelts. I mean, how on earth does that make any sense? A society in which laws are starting to "crack down" on dangerous things for children, such as...recess, or...playing outside unattended and whatnot, but hasn't seen it necessary to install seatbelts in school buses, which take many many children to school every day. Now, it's not like I'm going to start clamoring for this to happen, I just find it terribly interesting that legislators (or whoever makes these kinds of decisions) have not seen fit yet to do something which has become inherent in regular cars. Get in, put the seatbelt on, off you go. Are buses really that much more safe compared to a Jeep or a Honda or a Chevy? Odd.

Is hysterical laughter at nothing funny a sign of the crazies?

Have you ever had an experience where you're laughing at something that's kind of funny, but not laughing very hard, and then all of a sudden, for no reason, your laughter level escalates to a point where it's far excessive for the hilarity (or lack thereof) of whatever it is you're laughing at? Hm not sure if that sentence made any sense. But that happened to me today. Someone posted a video (since I don't want to look for the video at collegehumor.com, where it seems it's from, this link goes to where I saw it today, an ND related message board. Good place, by the way. They even decided to move all Harry Potter book related discussions to the Game Day board, usually used for, obviously, comments that go on during various ND games. Usually football. But since there's lots of people who want to discuss the books, or will once the seventh comes out, and lots who couldn't care less, and some who don't want anything to get spoiled if they don't read the book quickly enough, they're now going to have all discussions there, no spoiler warnings necessary, instead of in the "Backroom" board, which is just a hodgepodge of various discussions, whatever anyone feels like discussing. So anyway. That's kinda cool). End sentence since that parenthetical statement went on too long. So someone posted a video of a cat being ganged up on by a bunch of puppies, and it is quite cute and somewhat funny, but as I was watching it, I felt the laughter start to bubble up for some inexplicable reason, and before I knew it I was laughing a ridiculous amount at this video which just isn't funny enough to justify laughing that hard. It was quite weird. And when I passed the link on to my brother, who wanted to know the reason for my hysterics, he didn't get what was so funny about it. Know what? I sure don't either. But hey, I won't complain. Laughing is a most excellent way to pass one's time, particularly when it makes no sense. Obviously there are situations in which it is bad to laugh, but whatever.

(Incidentally, I found this video on youtube when doing a search to see if I could find the first video, and while it's not the same, it's rather humorous as well. Mostly to see those little puppies scared to get too close to the cat, and climbing all over one another and such. Puppies are fun.)

(Oh and hey, anyone remember these goats? Haha man they're so funny to watch. Goats are cool.)

At least he doesn't throw any telephones. In movies.

I've never been a huge Russell Crowe fan. Not sure why, I just didn't care much about him. I think I'm one of a few people who has yet to see A Beautiful Mind in its entirety. I've seen clips of it, but not the whole thing. I've also never seen The Gladiator. Actually, now that I think about it, I really haven't seen any of his movies. With one notable exception. Cinderella Man. I saw it in the theaters, perhaps twice, and bought it on DVD last year. It is just an excellent, excellent film. Mom and I watched it again tonight, and it's just always so good. I mean, it's a great story to begin with, and Russell Crowe and Renee Zellweger are great in it. Renee Zellweger is often quite great, actually. But yeah. Very much a feel-good film, with lots of suspense and "life's not always perfect" stuff too. And the scene where Mae goes to church to pray, and the priest says "That's what they're all here for too" or something like that, and there's all these other people there, what a tear-jerker scene. And I really like Paul Giamatti too. Again, haven't seen a lot of his stuff (never saw Sideways, don't plan to either), but I've seen a few more things with him, and on talk shows and stuff. I like him. Apparently he's a Red Sox fan. So, that's cool, he's got that going for him. And he's in a new movie coming out this year (later this year) called Fred Claus, with Vince Vaughn, which looks like it might be worth seeing. He's also playing John Adams in a TV miniseries out next year sometime, on some cable channel, with Laura Linney as Abagail Adams. I like her too. But anyway. (Both of them are also in The Truman Show, another good movie.)

So, in summary, if you haven't seen Cinderella Man, I highly recommend that you do. Well worth a couple hours of your time. Plus, it's got a rather great score, so, you know, that's always good.

Me likes

Yesterday (or was it the day before? What day is today? No, it was yesterday) I was messing around on my computer, with my settings, trying to find how to dim my screen, or how to make it dim when the power cord is unplugged. It had been doing that plenty fine before I got the new motherboard, but when all was said and done and put back together, for some reason the screen stayed the same brightness level whether the cord was plugged in or not. Which makes it difficult to tell when my power cord has been pulled out of the socket. Not a huge deal, but I like to be able to tell. So I was trying to find a setting that maybe had somehow been messed with or something. (I looked for far too long, by the way, and eventually through a google search of some combination of words including "dim," "screen," and "battery," I discovered that the arrow keys, up and down, have these little blue pictures on them. The blue things on the keys are the ones that work when I hit the blue Fn key. Like, some of the keys have them so that I can have a pretend number pad like most regular keyboards, but not laptop keyboards, have, although it's just confusing to use it like that. But I do use the Fn key for things like muting my computer or turning the volume up or down. Anyway, on the up and down arrow keys, there are things that look like little suns, and on the up arrow key there's an arrow pointing up above the sun, and on the down, one pointing down below the sun. And those control the dim/bright factor. So I tried unplugging my computer, making the screen dim, and then plugging it back in, and indeed it brightened right up automatically. So that problem is solved.)

In my messing around on the control panel, looking anywhere I thought might help me, I came across the Display properties thing in the Appearance and Themes section. Back when I got this thing, there were two color schemes I could pick from for the windows and such, at least as far as I remember. Blue and grey. Sorry, silver. Freshman year, I changed it to silver, because it was new and cool. (I'm pretty sure our home computer has only ever been the regular default color scheme.) Three years later, not so much. But last night I discovered that they also have olive green! So, in a surprisingly quick decision for me, I picked that one. And I really really like it. The tops of the windows are olive green, the scroll bar is olive green, when I highlight text it's olive green. The little thing at the bottom right corner of a firefox window that moves when a window is loading (the little bar thing that like moves forward...eh whatever) is orange. And the taskbar at the bottom (is that the taskbar?) is green too, except for the section with the little icons being used, which is orange-ish. Haha. Anyway. I'm really kinda excited about it. Sometimes a little change is exciting. Haha. Oh, and know what else I just did? I changed the mouse pointer, what it looks like on the screen. Only slightly, but it's cool. It changed the hourglass thing that comes up when something's loading too. And a few other things I guess. But yeah. It's a little exciting, I have to admit.

I thought it couldn't be prettier

I came across this website the other day, and while looking through it, I inadvertently found a picture that I had been wanting to see for awhile now, and didn't know existed. A picture of the interior of the Basilica pre-Vatican II. Waaaay pre-Vatican II. And even a more recent one. Slightly more recent. Here's an interior as it looks now. Ok. Obviously, as everyone knows, I'm about as in love with the Basilica as a person can be with a building. And that's a pretty deep love, let me tell you. Anyway. I do find it gorgeous, outside and in, especially compared with the rather bare and Protestant-inspired churches that my diocese seems to favor. Sometimes. I guess there are some nice-ish churches in town. But not to the degree of the Basilica (or most other pre-Vatican II built churches). However, looking at those pictures of the Basilica as it used to be, I can't help but find that slightly more beautiful. I mean, the only difference really is the sanctuary/altar. Look at those pictures. Today's version is just rather bare, with one of those table type altars which are ok, but don't rival high altars of times past. (I guess there are still some around, but not many.) I don't know. It's just interesting to see the difference. And man, the altar rail (communion rail?) is kinda cool. I'd like to experience going to Communion at a rail, kneeling down. I think it'd be very very nice.

Anyway. It's cool looking through a lot of those pictures at that website. But then I am quite interested in things and times that used to be, and aren't anymore. And I'm interested in anything Notre Dame. It would have been cool to experience it back in the early days of the 1900s, I think. Although, I wouldn't have experienced it, because it was boys-only back then, but St Mary's was apparently around (and most certainly didn't have the stigma it does today among some people. Occasionally myself included, I'll admit). It's just cool to see it though, just a handful of buildings, surrounded by farmland. Now it's a plethora of buildings, surrounded by...city. Blech, city. But anyway. Can't stop progress, I guess. I hope Notre Dame doesn't continue to grow larger and larger. It's a big on the big side right now, in my opinion. 8000-9000 undergrads. Definitely not large by any means, but I hope they keep it there. It wouldn't be the same if it were to get too much bigger. I know they're planning more dorms, I'm not sure how many more but one's in the works right now, but they say it's to alleviate the somewhat overcrowding that is going on in many of the dorms now. Dorms which have had many of their study rooms converted to dorm rooms to accommodate more people, have had rooms which used to be doubles turned into triples, etc. They have said that they won't be upping the acceptance rate much if at all because of these dorms. But who knows. Eh, oh well. I won't be there much longer, and no matter what happens, any time I visit after I graduate it simply won't live up to my memories of it. Those things never do. Most things never do.

Anyway.

I think we have different definitions of "so many"

Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice) just described her family as having "so many children." They have three kids. Um...ok.