Veekend Vignettes

I went home this weekend which was, as it always and forever is, lovely. I had Thursday off from work, as I mentioned, and took Friday off, and it was nice. I love my parents so much. My siblings, too, obviously, but I didn't see them much this weekend as it sometimes happens. But my parents are just fabulous. Also, I love getting to visit my pup. I hate that she doesn't live with me, but at least it gives me a good reason to go home more often. As if I need a reason.

Anyway, point of my story is that I left this morning instead of later in the day on Sunday as I normally would. For the fifth year in a row, my organization and another Catholic organization up here in Denver had their annual flag football game, and beforehand one of the people I work with had a Broncos gamewatch. My plan initially was to leave early this morning, go to Mass up here, then go to the gamewatch. But, as often happens, I didn't leave as early as I planned, and then left even later. I was going to go to Mass in the evening up here, but then randomly decided I'd stop in Castle Rock and go there, since they have an 11:30 Mass. I felt guilty because I definitely wasn't dressed Sunday-appropriate since it wasn't really planned, but on the bright side it'll give me a little more compassion for people I see in church on Sunday wearing jeans. (Of course, this being Colorado and fairly more casual than some other parts of the country, most people wear jeans at Mass anyway.) But the Mass itself was surprisingly nice. The music was your typical Breaking Bread stuff, of which I'm not a huge fan but it's more common than not around here. The priest who's up there used to be in the Springs, so I was familiar with him and I like him. The church itself was quite pretty for a Colorado church. I mean, still not my preferred style of old-school cruciform or just the two basic columns of pews, but it was pretty. And there were a lot of windows, except for the wall behind the altar (where the crucifix is), which allows for some great views of the mountains. The church is kind of on top of a hill, too, so it maximizes the beauty. I've always thought Castle Rock is a nice little city, but it's even prettier than I realized. I think I could live there if I ever had a reason to.

New subject.

Last week, I finished a Broncos-colored striped hat and scarf for my younger brother, per his request. (Boy, did I have a hard time finding the perfect shades of orange and blue in the same type and brand of yarn. I literally spent at least half an hour pondering two sliiiiightly different shades of orange in two brands of yarn, and it was tough because I really liked the orange of this one brand better than the orange of another brand, but the blue of the second brand was better than the blue of the first, and I couldn't really mix and match because the yarns weren't quite the same size or feel. It was really quite the herculean effort to make a decision and get myself out of there. So they're not perfect color-wise, but they're definitely pretty ok in the end, I think. I hope he thinks so too...) Anyway, rather than do a lacy, fancy, probably girly-ish scarf pattern for his scarf, I opted for a basic workhorse 2x2 rib. Just a basic ol' scarf. I alternated colors every 16 rows, and I just really enjoyed doing it. I love the intricate patterns that make people say "Oh wow, you're so talented!" when they see them (though I myself would never presume to call myself "talented") (that was a reference to the Gwyneth Paltrow version of Emma, by the way, in case you missed that), but sometimes it's so much more relaxing just to do a very basic, very easy pattern that I barely even have to look at while I'm working on it.

So, long story short, I decided I should make more scarves using that basic pattern. I have a lot of yarn. A. LOT. of. yarn. An embarrassingly large amount of it is yarn that's a bit more fancy, more high-maintenance, more expensive, which I don't have any business owning, really (and, for the record, I would like you all to know that I haven't bought yarn in almost a year, aside from the previously mentioned Bronco colors and a ball or two needed to finish some projects here and there. Well...and a few other things. Most of my stash was created during grad school which, in hindsight, I don't know what the heck I was thinking. I suppose I could start selling it if I get really desperate). But I also have a number of skeins of yarn that was my go-to yarn for the first four years I was knitting. Before I discovered yarn stores and all the goodness that lies within them. So, I decided I should do something with these extra skeins I have, leftovers from previous projects. I've always wanted to do more charity knitting, but never have - there was a time in grad school when I was going to start knitting baby blankets for pregnancy centers. I'm not sure why that one never materialized; possibly because blankets, even baby blankets, are more time consuming. Scarves, though? If I got off the internet and just knit after work every day, I could probably whip out at least two of these babies a week. It's getting colder, and I always feel guilty for not doing much for homeless people like I know I should. So, they're going to get some stripey scarves. Depending on how ambitious I'm feeling, I might do matching hats too, but that might be dumb. I don't know how they distribute these kinds of things, so if anything, I might just make a pile of basic hats sans stripes. Solid blue, solid black, that kind of thing. But first the scarves, because hats are sometimes more of a pain. I'm excited about it. I get to reduce my stash and do something good with it. Of course, what I should do is finish the three or four projects I already have on needles, but like I said, sometimes my mind needs a break from cabling and yarn overs and remembering a pattern more intricate than knit two, purl two.

New subject.

Everyone I know is in a relationship.

Ok, that's obviously absolutely, totally, and in all other ways false, but some days it really feels like that. Today is one of those days. And it's great, being around a lot of awesome couples and families (working where I work, big Catholic families are pretty hard to avoid), but sometimes it just makes me feel so much more single than I already do, and I didn't even think that was possible. I just don't know. I just don't get it. And in lieu of anything else making sense, I'm thinking about going on a retreat to an abbey up in northern Colorado in two weeks. I really don't feel called to that, but maybe I'm just not listening. It's entirely possible. I think I'm exceptionally good at ignoring what God puts plainly right in front of my face. If nothing else, it would be a weekend away from...everything. Everything except nature and God. Sounds kind of lovely. And maybe what I really really need right now. I feel like I need a change, but I'm not quite sure what or where or how. Maybe this could help push my reset button and help me figure out what setting I should be operating from. Or at least be a nice, relaxing weekend with nuns, nature, and animals. Three very good things. Oh, and I'm sure lots of prayer. And Jesus. (But that kinda goes without saying.)

Rediscovery!

I haven't been knitting as much lately as I should (considering the list of projects I want to get done sooner than later, and none of them quickies like hats or scarves). I've been reading more, though, and writing, and praying, all of which are good things.

Tonight I updated some pictures (because facebook needs 90 more pictures I took of buffalo, sunsets, and snowy, frosted trees, right?), and I finally did something I've been wanting to do for years now (or, I started to do it, anyway) - I have a lot of CDs in my windows media player that never made it over to itunes, because when I had originally imported them from their actual CDs, they were put into a format that is protected and can't be transferred to itunes. Boo. (Or, as was more pressing until more recently, Zune, despite the fact that Zune is a Microsoft product like Windows Media. Dumb.) So I started by recopying some of my CDs onto blank disks, since I lost the original disks of a lot of my CDs in the mail during my freshman year of college, and then reimporting them back onto my computer in an mp3 format that would be recognized by all. It's all pretty silly that I have to do that, but I haven't found a way around it. I must have grown weary of that after awhile, though, because I still had a bunch that hadn't made it. So tonight I went through my windows media library and compared it with my itunes to see which ones were in WM that weren't in itunes, and I put those all in a list. And I'll just start copying from that list and then putting them back onto my computer in itunes. I'm excited, though - there are some CDs I had sort of forgotten about that I really love, like James Taylor, and the Shrek soundtrack, and the Now and Then soundtrack, and Little Women! And O Brother Where Art Thou! And some of my random CDs that are a rather odd and eclectic mix of music that probably shouldn't go together, and some songs that most people probably think no one should listen to (but which will always have a special place in my heart because they were popular songs when I first started getting into popular music). One of my random CDs has the X-Men cartoon theme song, from when I was a kid, along with three songs from the Muppet Movie, some Barenaked Ladies, some Glenn Miller, Marvin Gaye, Vertical Horizon, and Dueling Banjos from Deliverance. Maybe it's not as weird as it seems to me. But weird or not, I still like it. Anyway. I'm excited to get them transferred over and onto my ipod. And I just bought a transmitter doohickey so I can listen to my ipod in the car! It's super exciting! And it has a remote! The car I drove as "mine" in high school and early college (when I was home) had a remote for the radio. It was so nice. I don't know why. I just really liked having a remote for the radio.

So, that's what I did tonight instead of knit, and I'm pretty ok with that. It's like buying a bunch of new music, but I already bought it years ago! And now I get to re-enjoy it all over again!

But I've really got to get serious about knitting again. Did you know it's already halfway through March? The year is almost a quarter over already. There's so much to DO! The good news is that I got a nice chunk of money put into my bank account today courtesy of my tax return, and while I've already put a lot of it towards paying off a credit card, I had really hoped that I would get it by my half birthday so I could order these knitting needles I've been wanting some more of (can never have too many!), but which are handmade - in America! - and such and currently take approximately six months once the order is placed. Popular product + good quality + small staff = long wait. Therefore, order on my half birthday, get them sometime around my actual birthday! Woot!

Getting off the internet now would probably be helpful.

End of quartercentenarianism

I'm gonna be 26 tomorrow. That's weird.

One thing I'm gonna miss when I move up to Arvada: there's this herd of horses I drive past most days, either to or from work, depending on where and when they're grazing, on the north end of the Springs. Now, that makes me happy to begin with, especially when the herd of cows that sometimes grazes across Powers from where the horses graze are out at the same time. I just love grazing animals. But a couple of weeks ago, I noticed that this herd of horses includes a donkey! I'm not sure why, but I love seeing that little donkey. It reminds me of Nutmeg. :-P I just like donkeys, although I never really realized it before...

One thing I like about work is that we can listen to music while we're doing our thing. We all just listen through our headsets so we all don't disturb each other, obviously. I always always listen to my movie scores channel. It just makes me happy. Especially when my favorites come on, like the song at the end of Gladiator, or my favorite favorite, "The Ludlows" from Legends of the Fall. I didn't really care much for the movie the one time I saw it back in high school or...whenever it was, but boy did I love the score. That song in particular. Always always love it. Of course, we can't listen to Pandora at work because it's too much bandwidth or something, so some of us use Jango (which I had never heard of prior to working there), which isn't quite the same caliber but good enough. Except I get some weird scores on there - the soundtrack to Labyrinth comes up fairly frequently. I should just thumbs-down it, I guess. The score to Gremlins comes on once in awhile too, which is kind of amusing. I might get sick of that station eventually (once I've got it down to like four different scores playing over and over), but I just really love my movie scores.

Well...that's kind of all I have. I think I forgot how to blog, if I ever knew how to in the first place. I think I want to try starting up again and doing it regularly, but we'll see. I have to start packing eventually, I guess, since I'm moving in just a few weeks, and tomorrow I'm starting a class with the Denver Catholic Biblical School, which should be interesting - but means HOMEWORK. Kind of. But it's also time spent. For a good purpose, though, as I need to read the Bible more, and I've heard nothing but good things about this program. We'll see how it goes.

Au revoir, until next time, whenever that is.

Pretty but boring. No, wait, that's pretty boring.

My adoring audience is clamoring for a new post.

And by adoring audience I mean my sister. (So, not so adoring.)

And by clamoring, I mean she's probably bored and wants some words to read, even though they'll also be boring.

So, let's see...well, I graduated. That was cool. I did some good sightseeing with my brother and parents, which is always fun. There's still more I never got to do while I was in DC that I would have liked to, but I'm sure I'll be back for a visit someday.

Then we spent a night in NJ visiting with family, which was nice. I got to meet my cousin's new baby who was born mid-March, and babies are always cute. (Although I prefer to admire them from afar. It's just...easier.) Then the next day my parents and I drove down to Delaware, spent about half an hour in my grandpop's new house (he and his wife were literally moving in that day, so there wasn't a lot of time for visiting, really), and then it was due east for 30 hours. Plus stops. I got to drive through some really weirdly thick fog, and some intense downpouring rain in the mountains of MD/WV, which was fun. (Especially at one point during the rain when all of a sudden there was some...activity ahead of us, and it looked like a car had skidded off the road and maybe taken out a sign which was now on the road, and there was a truck stopped too, or something, and the car in front of me slammed on his brakes and was just sliding for a bit, looked like he was going to end up in the median too, but I think he righted himself and made it through ok. I must have already started slowing because I didn't have that problem. Thankfully! We were lucky. Especially considering the trailer we were pulling.) Made it to Indianapolis the first night, slept like six hours, then the next day we just drove and drove (and drove), and made it home by around 11pm Saturday night. All in all, not bad for lots of driving. Having three people helped. And being able to knit without getting carsick was particularly delightful for me. I finished one shawl, and almost another. Discovered a new appreciation for Kansas, which had previously been a black hole of boredom in my mind. But it's actually quite pretty! At least, in May, it is. Maybe it's different other times of the year.

The next day, I got to see my friends' baby get baptized, and got to see some of my friends there and at the reception they had afterward. So that was nice. (And then I held the newly-baptized baby for awhile. Sigh. I shouldn't do that.) Babies are cute, and there were several there. :-)

Since then, I haven't done much. Some room rearranging, some purging (but not yet nearly enough - I'm getting better, though!), a few daily Masses, lunch with a dear friend, etc. Dog walking, Palmer Park trips, etc. Nothing exciting, but it's been nice. Except for that whole looming "YOU NEED A JOB" that I hear all the time. Oh, how I wish I had a goal to work towards. But for now, I'm just looking for something temporary, I guess. And hoping to start volunteering with the pregnancy center. I volunteered to help out with their annual Walk for Life in a couple weekends, so that's good. I'm excited about that.

And Colorado's super pretty. Pretty pretty pretty. I love the clouds. I love the way that some days, like today, you can look to the east and there's this army of little cloud puffs, all individual, just marching east one by one. I love that. And I love the blue sky. So much prettier than in DC. And the mountains, well, that's a given. The air feels so good. I like that there are hills here so you can see lots of parts of the city from above instead of just being...in the midst of it all. (I couldn't stand living in New York City. All those buildings. Walking down the street, you look and all you see around you is concrete, dozens of stories up. Hundreds, even. Yuck.) And I like that I haven't seen many bugs. And that some things here still haven't even bloomed fully. Oooh! And that I'll get to see the cactus flowers this year! I missed them last year, since I didn't come home until later in July and they're usually done by then. I did see one last holdout, though, which was exciting. But this year I get to be here! Yay! Colorado is just delicious.

Hm, what else...

I went to CNN the other day because I hadn't paid attention to the news in awhile, and one of their top headlines on their left sidebar thing was something like "Prevent STDs like a porn star." I mean, really. Ugh. I don't know why I keep going back to their site. Every time I go, it seems, there's something sex-related. It's like they're taking a page from Cosmo or something. I hate it. And really. Prevent STDs like a porn star? Come on. The fact that we've reached a place in our society where we're looking to porn stars for life tips is just...pathetic. Bleh.

Well. The good news is I've started on a couple blankets I was looking forward to doing once I got home. Mmm. I love knitting blankets. Although, I do really want to get started on a new shawl, too. They're so useful! I love them. Also, I love knitting. The end, amen.

I unexpectedly went running tonight. (Had to chase after a dog who had gotten out of his collar and was...ahem...herding a bunch of deer.) I didn't even run very far, and I still haven't recovered, hours later. It killed my throat. It's so weird. Not sure if it's out-of-shapeness, or...I don't know what else. I'm gonna chalk it up to "excuse not to feel like I should go running." Haha. Except, no, really, I should. But maybe start a little...lighter. It didn't help that I was running up a hill, while simultaneously yelling Duz's name. Maybe I'll try that couch to 5k thing. I did that, what, junior year of college, I think. It actually worked pretty well. But I'm going to have to find my stop watch, which will be a challenge because I have no idea where it is. I think I remember using it once, maybe, after I left ND, but I don't remember seeing it at all when I was in DC. So, it's...somewhere. I could just go buy another one. I'm pretty sure I paid like $9 for that one. Might be worth it. We'll see. It'd be good to do at Palmer Park, because it's got long trails, and the dogs wouldn't have to be annoyed by my running and then not running. (And/or I wouldn't have to feel guilty going out for a run around the neighborhood without taking them.) Yeah. I should do that. Maybe then I'll be able to chase a dog around without feeling phlegmy for hours afterward. (I think that's the first time I've ever written phlegm. Maybe not. But it's a super cool word. Even if it's disgusting.)

There, Cathy. Update enough for you?

Why am I soft in the middle? The rest of my life is so hard.

(That's a song lyric, people.)

Oh man. What a crazy time in my life this is. So many ups and downs, so many knowns (and even more unknowns - and most of those about the future). A friend from back home was visiting the other day, who's planning to move out here probably by the end of summer if not before. Hearing her talk about things back home almost made me question why I so long to go back, knowing that my former group of friends has changed a lot in the two years I've been here, and dispersed, to a large extent. (Much of this, but not entirely, is due to the fact that so many from that group have gotten married in the last two years. And it's just a fact that married people stop doing things they did when they weren't married.) (Which, by the way, kind of sucks for those of us who are still unmarried. I'm just gonna throw that out there.) What am I going to go home to, anyway? Just whom am I going to do all this hiking with, if all my friends have gone or dropped off the face of the earth?

But then, after silently inwardly freaking out about it for a little while, I felt better about things. I can't stay here. Even if a good friend is going to be moving out here (which would have made the last two years much more bearable, if she had been here then). I've found that people in my age group aren't the most reliable - everyone is in transition, everyone's moving around, and no one is stable. I can't eschew what my heart is telling me in favor of living where some friends are, because what happens when they leave? I'm confident I'm supposed to leave here in a month. Who knows, I might be back someday. I still don't have a job, so who knows where that will bring me. Oh gosh I'm starting to freak out again. Breathe in, breathe out. Nutmeg. Haha. If nothing else, I have to go back for Nutmeg. Goodness. I was telling one of my friends today about the day I got her, how I almost got her from the rescue when we first saw her, but then decided to wait, and by the time we had gotten home 15 minutes later, I just...had to go back and get her. So I did. They were starting to pack up and put the dogs back in the cars or however they carted them around, and I told them I wanted Nutmeg. Hm. I can't remember if she had a name they had given her while she was with them...Anyway. And one of the volunteers was just so happy and kept talking about how sweet she (Nutmeg) was, and how she was just sure someone was going to adopt her that day. It was a good decision. :-) Of course, it took me a little while to warm up to her - I was still mourning Hazel, and Nutmeg is not much like Hazel in a lot of ways. But goodness, do I love her. And I can't wait to see her!

Anyway. Where was I? I don't know. Oh yeah. Well. So here's the thing. My family is in Colorado. My heart is there. And for now, that's where I'm supposed to be. Unless and until God tells me otherwise. And I one of my beautiful awesome bestest friends is back in CO now, after living out of state for the last two and a half years, and she'll be there until August or so, and so that's super exciting. And I figure, when I graduated from college most of my high school friends had dispersed and I managed to make new friends, so why shouldn't that happen again? (Of course, it kind of sucks constantly having to make new friends because you go to college far away from all your high school friends, and then go away from your new post-college friends to go to grad school, and then go back home where none of your grad school friends live. It's not fun. Also not fun is constantly having to make new friends because old friends get married, and married people are different than single people. But maybe some day I'll be the one who gets married and stops hanging out with other people.)

Point is, it'll be another transition, and they're always hard, and painful, and cause me to stretch in ways I'd rather not. But hopefully I let it happen like it should. Not sure what it'll look like. Not sure what I'll look like in a year, or five. But oh well. Such is life, I suppose. I sort of hate it right now, and I sort of hate the fact that I haven't had stability in so very long, and I hope that I can finally manage to stay in one place for awhile. And be happy there. And have friends, and support, and maybe even my family there. And nature. Goodness, how I miss nature. I don't even see roadkill around here. (Not that I want to, but it's just surprising how infrequently I see it.)

You know what, I wasn't even going to go into this. I was going to talk about the lovely day I had - almost getting killed by a car that decided he didn't need to yield. That was fun. But other than that, I had an as-usual nice experience at Mass, because my church is awesome, and I knit, and I wore my freshly-blocked and dried shawl that I love (but for which I do really need a shawl pin so I don't have to hold it constantly - but good news, I ordered two for cheap and they should get here tomorrow!), and the weather was much nicer than it's been lately - I could even drive with my windows down a bit! And I went thrift-store-dress-shopping with two of my friends in Old Town, and actually managed to find one for $9, and also decided I really need to lose weight and inches because there were at least two dresses that looked cute and that almost fit (almost fit tightly, but it's something), and if I were a few sizes smaller I could have totally rocked and it was sad that I couldn't, but not as sad as it could have been. I'm going to lose weight this summer. I just am. And for now, oh well. Start small. Anyway. Then I went to my favorite knitting store, since I was down there anyway, and managed to walk out without buying anything (I mostly wanted to see if they had any shawl pins, but they're mostly out right now). And I watched this really cute Masterpiece Theater version of Pollyanna. I was wanting to watch the Hayley Mills version, but can't find it anywhere, but this one was so good! I almost teared up. Haha. Anyway.

Oh, and I went grocery shopping for a few things, and couldn't find matches anywhere and couldn't find someone to ask, but prayed to St. Anthony to help me, and wouldn't you know it, there in the little rack next to where they keep candy at the checkout aisles was one of those long-stemmed lighters. Which is what I'd been using since last year, until it ran out recently. So, remembering that I have a few long candles for which matches would be inadequate anyway (including one with St. Anthony on it!), I realized that would be much better than matches. :-) I love St. Anthony. I really hope he helped me out on comps, too...I prayed a novena to him before the first one. Although, if I didn't pass something, it's certainly no reflection on him. (Passing everything would be nothing short of a miracle, after all.) (I'll probably hear this week. And I'm scurred. I really don't see how it's possible, I can't even fathom a world in which I passed everything. Oh well. I'll survive.)

Oh yeah, I saw the cherry blossoms down by the Tidal Basin on Friday. It was more impressive than I thought it'd be. Not sure what I was expecting, but I enjoyed it. Of course, it was annoyingly chilly and cloudy, as our weather has been for so long up until today. So that wasn't so nice, especially since the "peak bloom" of the blossoms means they're white, and that's where it is now, so it wasn't as impressive as I think it would have been on a clear day with blue sky. But that's ok. I might try to go back in a few days when they're pinking, because I really like the pink stage better than the white. Pink is pretty. We'll see if I can make it down there again. I hope so. I do love that I've been able to do a lot of those typical DC touristy stuff while I've been here. I've loved that aspect of it. And seeing those iconic buildings and memorials every day. Getting to visit those museums. Etc. I am thankful for that. (DC isn't all bad. I'll gladly admit to that.)

You guys, I can't wait to be home. (Haha, way to transition from "Sometimes DC is awesome!" to "Yay home!") Bizarre to think that I have just over a month left here. Scary to think about the future (so I'm trying not to...which doesn't help when I need to do things like send resumes and write cover letters. Which, by the way, I hate doing, because I don't even really know how to do it, and also, I suck. And think I'm qualified for nothing. But I can't say that, because cover letters are supposed to make them want to hire you. Or at least interview you. Or do something beyond use your resume for fireplace fodder).

I don't know what else I was going to say. Oh well. Point is, I bought a dress today for super cheap, and I need to hit the thrift stores more when I go home (if we have any good ones there...Goodwill, I guess), because I want to have more dresses in my wardrobe because with dresses? There's no trying to decide which top to wear with which bottom. And that's pretty awesome. Also, the new object of my affection is knitting shawls. They're lovely, and I love them. And also, I miss my dog tooooons and I can't wait to go on walks with her again and to love on her and to kiss her little head and make her melt with lots of puppy petting.

Also, I'll probably be sick of them by the time we get home (or they'll be sick of me), but I must admit that I'm pretty excited to have a good solid five or six days with my parents. :-) I'd love if my siblings could be here too for my graduation, but as they can't be, the forgotten middle child in me is going to enjoy having my parents all to myself for just a bit. :-) Although, in the case of the 28-hour drive home, probably a bit too much to myself. Three people in an enclosed car for that long can result in short tempers, I'd imagine. But maybe not. :-)

I just used three smiley faces in that one short paragraph. I dislike it when people overuse them, and then look what I do. Sigh. Ah, well. It's so hard to convey tone in the written word. Hm, for some reason a line from a song just popped into my head. "'Don't you know there's a war on?' say the tradesmen with a grin." Most who read this will probably know where that's from.

And I love my siblings. I'm so excited not to have to communicate with them primarily through facebook. It's great for that, when you're far away from people, but it's so much better not to be far away...duh. Haha.

I'm going to hit publish now before I write any more nonsense. I'm sure there's a lot more in my brain that I could write. I'll try to spare you.

Send Invisibility Cloak

I've always been an introvert in the extreme.

When I was young, my parents would occasionally have people over (for meetings, Marriage Encounter stuff, etc).

I never wanted to interact with these people. Sometimes, I'd hide upstairs, or I'd stay in the family room and hope people didn't walk through the kitchen much (since the family room is visible from the kitchen).

Those times when I'd hide in my room? Occasionally I needed to go downstairs for something. But this presented a problem, since the end of the staircase was right across our "foyer" (such as it is) from the living room, where the meetings were inevitably held. Which meant - duhn duhn duhn - that at least some of the people in there would see me if I went down the stairs.

I came up with a solution to this, however. The railings that go up half the staircase have large slots between them. The biggest one is the furthest up, between where the railing ends and the upstairs wall begins. (This has been for years referred to as the "dog head hole". And the dogs know it.) The drop is probably at most five feet at that point, but probably less. So, you can probably guess where I'm going with this.

Instead of having to be seen for the three seconds I might be if I used the stairs like a regular person, I took to climbing through that slot in the railing. This resulted in the occasional scratch or bruise, since graceful I am not, but it got the job done.

All because I was deathly afraid of having my existence proven to the handful of people in the living room.


I would just like to acknowledge right now that the girl in that story is still alive and well. Perhaps not so extreme, but still preferring invisibility over comfort.

That is all.

That's all I have to say about that.

The thing about Colorado is...we never get the chance to get sick of weather. Except maybe sunny weather. Because we get that a lot.

I'm not so much dreading going back to DC as I am going back because that means comps are soon. Like, two months soon. (cue freak out music.)

I'm looking forward to being back at St. Rita's. I really like that church.

I'm also looking forward to visiting my favorite knitting store again. Someday. I don't really need yarn, so I don't anticipate a trip anytime soon. But some time.

Taking down Christmas decorations is depressing. As is January at large.

In four months, four months from this very day, I will (God willing) be completely done. It will be Saturday after finals. And that gives me hope.

Four months from today, I may or may not be freaking out depending on the job situation. Woo.

It's weird to me that people actually bet on who will win awards in various award ceremonies. Why does Vegas care? Why does anyone care? Hollywood is dumb.

Colin Firth is a great actor and deserves to win an award.

My family is fantastic.

I read today that 41% of pregnancies in NYC end in abortion. Forty-one percent. Rare? Yeah right. Something like 60% of African American pregnancies end in abortion. Similarly large percentages in other minorities, too. Even nationwide, the rate is 23% of pregnancies aborted. Almost one in four. People don't really grasp this, I think. Imagine if we just went and killed one in four babies born in hospitals. It's a big number. (Later edit: I saw today an article about a couple in...New Zealand? Australia? who have three sons, lost a baby girl in infancy, and recently got pregnant through IVF with twin boys who they aborted because - get this - they feel they deserve a girl. Thus those two little boys don't deserve to live. Those two boys they paid someone to create. Oh, it's not what they want, so let's kill them, because we want a girl. They're trying to make it so they can sex-select the next round of IVF so they get a girl, which I guess is not allowed where they're from, and if they can't, they're going to come to the US to do it. Woo United States, where we allow almost any and every children-as-commodities scenarios you can dream up. Ugh.)

I really hope I can get a job in the pro-life field. Or at ENDOW. :-)

I really want to go to: Telluride. Leadville. Ouray. Durango. Etc. Maybe one...or two? this summer. Who knows. Who knows where I'll be/what I'll be doing. Oh well. I suppose I should also want to go to places like: Arches. Zion. Glacier. Yellowstone (again). Grand Canyon (again). Those are more commitments though. I'll just wait until I get married to someone who will take me on a western-national-park-honeymoon-tour. (Either that, or a 14er hike honeymoon tour.) (This is also why I hope I don't end up with a city/sissy boy.) (But I guess if I do, I'll be pretty happy with him.)

The worst part about leaving, I think, is that I know I have to take comps this semester. And I'm really concerned about that. They're only two months away. But hopefully I can be disciplined for once this semester, and really be tough with myself and the studying. I hope.

I'm also really going to miss my family, so that sucks. But it's only four months. Maybe four and a half depending on...things. (You know, like, if I stay until the end of May or something. No idea if I'd do that, but I guess it's a possibility. I'd rather not.) And I like to worry about things, too. But mostly my concern is about comps. Once I get past those, I'll have just over a month left in the semester, and then, whoo. Done. (And maybe even less of the semester if I fail a question and have to take it over. Which is certainly a distinct possibility.)

Good thing is, I am excited about this semester's classes, more or less. At least, from the book list. And what I know from hearsay.

It's been so nice to be home. I barely saw any friends, but I saw lots of Palmer Park, and my beautiful Pikes Peak, and had lots of good dog time, and lots of good family time. I love my family. Love em to pieces.

A bit of randomicity for your Tuesday.

I had a mild-to-medium freak-out last night. I got home (from class and 4 hours of work), had an email prompting me to get two questions for Thursday’s final review sheet done, since some of us are studying together-ish, so I felt like I needed to do that ASAP despite the pressure mounting on me to study for the two finals I had today. And then suddenly it was 9pm. Woo. In the middle of that, though, I was also worrying about being gone for three weeks, and our apartment being empty for part of that time while we’re all three gone, and my car sitting in the parking lot the whole time, and not having renters insurance and not having time to do anything about it this week and WHY DID I WAIT UNTIL THE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO THINK ABOUT THIS, and what I have to pack, and on and on and on. Commence breakdown.

One or two tears were shed. But then I was done. Calmed myself down. Went on with the studying. And now I’m better again. I feel like I should keep worrying about the apartment and car, but today I can’t bring myself to do it. Yes, I should have insurance, but I don’t, and that’s just the way it is. I’ll just have to pray that nothing happens. I don’t feel like I need to worry, other than that I can worry about it, kind of, if that makes sense (which I know it doesn’t). It’s borrowing trouble that I don’t need in my life right now. Sure, something could happen. Something could always happen. Nothing I can do about it. It’d be ridiculously inconvenient beyond words if, say, the apartment burned down while we were all gone, but...I don’t know how to finish that sentence. Anyway. Whatever. Finals. I need to focus on that.

Also, I’m happy it’s cold. I recently bought a pair of sweater tights for the first time, and they’re delightful, let me tell you. It’s freezing out today (wind chills in the teens, I think), but with the tights, my almost knee-high boots, and a knee-length jean skirt, it’s not too bad. I love them. I hope I get to wear them when I’m home (hint HINT Colorado weather, which appears to be 50s and sunny for the time being...but it’ll snow on Christmas, I know it will).

And I just took one final, so that’s off my shoulders.

And lastly (well, probably not lastly), I just checked, and a box of knitting stuff I ordered this weekend (shush, I know what you’re thinking) should get to my house - in Colorado - on Friday! So it’ll be there waiting for me when I walk in the door. It along with Nutmeg. Glorious.

Also, it’ll be nice to be home for Three! Whole! Weeks! for the first time in a long time. To be able to have conversations with my parents about things. I miss talking to them about world/state/religion issues. They’re good people. And three weeks is a good time to be able to do things I want to do without feeling so rushed about it. So that’s good. Also: knitting. My goodness people. The knitting. I love it. With my heart, soul, and fingers. Oh my gosh. Last night I knit something like three rows of the afghan I’m working on (one while I was waiting for my dinner to heat up, and two while taking a brief study break), and even just those three rows made my heart feel so much better. I know it’s weird. Even I think it’s weird. But it’s totally real, the positive effect it has on me. Glorious. That is all.

Oh, and good news, I’m playing for the championship in my family’s fantasy football league. :-) Haha. I’ve played the last three or four seasons, and the first year I made it to playoffs (had been close to #1 the whole season) and lost in the first round. I did really well this year, and have won the first two rounds of playoffs, and this coming weekend is the last round. Woo! I’m a little bit more excited about that than I probably should be...Take what you can get, right my friends?

Seriously. So excited to go home. And knit! And watch movies. And, man, hopefully, get some start on comps studying. (Bleh.) We all know that there’s nothing more fun than studying for comps right after you finish studying for finals! And over Christmas break! Woo hoo!

But ooooh! ND vs Miami on New Year’s Eve! Sun Bowl! yay.

I need to buy a cheap pair of gloves and start putting them on with moisturizer at night. Especially when I’m home. Seriously, my hands do not like the winter, and I’m not very kind to them. (I really need to make myself a pair of gloves, since I seem to have misplaced mine somewhere, I think.)

All righty. That's enough of this. Another final still to go tonight...

Listacular

Some things about me right now:

• I currently have 12 tabs open in my Firefox window. Six of those are knitting-related. Two are espn-related. And one is Netflix.
• My obsession with nutmeg (the spice, not my dog) is reaching epic proportions. I put it on everything. First it started with the coffee. Then I tried it on some cookie dough ice cream. (Um, spectacular, by the way.) Yesterday, I put some in vanilla yogurt. And then later, in some hot chocolate. I. Love. Nutmeg. (And apparently it's a new way to get high, or something, which makes me not so happy. People are spoiling the good name of nutmeg!)
• My flannel sheets just make me so, so happy.
• Knitting feel so good. Except when I've been knitting for awhile at once, and it's a rather large blanket, and my left hand starts to get sore holding up the project. I wonder if I hold it oddly. Either way, though, the way the yarn feels slipping over my right hand finger totally makes up for it. Love love love.
• The first round of fantasy football playoffs in our league is this week. I finished #2 in "regular season" (I was 10-2, and #1 was also 10-2 but my second loss was to him, so in a tiebreaker he goes ahead of me), and I'm playing my brother this week. Haha. It's fun. Silly, but fun. Last time I was in the playoffs was like three years ago or something, when I did pretty well all season and then lost my first game in the playoffs. I'm hoping to do better this year.
• Two weeks left of school for the semester. My Monday morning class is canceled tomorrow, which means I can go to our office staff meeting that we have every week but which I've missed most of this semester, since they're during my class. Even better, it's one of the staff's birthdays (well, it was on Saturday, so we're celebrating tomorrow), so that's always fun, and the building is doing the lighting of the Christmas tree tomorrow morning before our meeting, and that'll be fun too. I really have a great gig there. (Last week, there was a ceremony to honor long-serving staff members, and one of ours was included - he's been there 30 years! - so that was fun. PLUS, they had a ton of good food. Like, really food. Chicken taquito things, chicken wings, some sort of crab puff type deal, turkey sliders, beef sliders (basically little hamburgers). Delicious. Plus cake and stuff. I got a good free dinner that day. :-) Oh, and next Monday, last I heard Archbishop Dolan is saying Mass at our regular noon Mass, so that's super exciting. And then our office Christmas party is next Wednesday, which I'm really looking forward to because last year I didn't get to go since it was during a time I had a final. But I have nothing on Wednesday, so it works out excellently. :-)
• I have fewer than two weeks before home for three. So. Excited. And my oh my I can't wait to watch Lord of the Rings. I do it every Christmas, which is kind of weird, but I love it. 

Well. That's enough.

Sooooon...

I am going to write a real post soon. I just haven't yet. It's going to be about Notre Dame. Fabulous.

Also, I just bought my plane ticket to go home for Christmas. Had I done it last week, as I really ought to have done, I could have just used my United miles and gotten round-trip and good flight times. But I procrastinate buying plane tickets, always, this time because I wasn't sure what dates to do. (Leave Friday? Saturday? Sunday? Come back earlier in the week after New Year's, or closer to the weekend?) So by the time I got around to checking today, the latest flight I could get to leave was early Friday morning the 18th, out of Baltimore. I could have done that, but I'll have a final on Thursday, and it'd be really tough to get to Baltimore in time Friday morning (I'd have to get a cab, which would probably be expensive, and I'd probably have to leave at like 3am), and I'd be up late packing Thursday night since I wouldn't have had time sooner due to finals and such. I mean, it'd be possible, and I could always do my fall-back sleep-in-the-airport thing, but there's just so much about that that's not fun. So. Instead, I used my Frontier miles (pretty much my whole stock of them, since they charge practically double for that time around Christmas) to get a flight out of DCA Friday evening, one-way, and I'll just use half my United miles to come back at the end of break. The Frontier thing is pretty nice - it includes two free checked bags, which is good, plus I got great seats near the front on both the DC-Den and Den-COS legs, and I'll get free TV on the DC-Den leg. But now I'm wondering if I should have just done the United thing and slept in the airport that night...

Nah. This will be fine. Not ideal (mileage-usage-wise), but hey, at least it's still free! And I do enjoy Frontier. And it'll be a lot nicer to fly out of DCA, since it's relatively close to my apt and easy-ish to get to.

Anyway. So we've gotten that taken care of, which is good. I should have done it sooner. (Story of my life, y'all.) Now this weekend I just have to winterize my bed (wash my sheets, put the electric bed warmer on the mattress, put my comforter on my bed), and I'll be golden. Not sure what that has to do with anything, except for the fact that I'm cold right now and know my bed is going to be cold when I get in it soon.

Ok, seriously. Better post coming soon. Perhaps tomorrow, but perhaps not, as well. I'm sure you'll all be on the edge of your chairs waiting.

Pointless post.

Today was a good day.

There were some not-good things that happened today.

But aside from that, I had a good and productive day. (Surprisingly, considering the hour at which I awoke this morning.) Went to the bank (had to deposit some money), went to the post office (had to send off a couple packages), watched ND fail epically to Navy (quite sad), got a few groceries I needed, made myself go for a run, did laundry, and baked some pumpkin bread (one loaf with chocolate chips, one with coconut). Yummmm.

And I watched Hook while I baked, and now I'm watching Sleepless in Seattle. And last night I watched While You Were Sleeping. Yay for early 90s movies! (Last weekend was 80s, with Back to the Future and Turtles 1 and 2.)

So, that's good.

Loooosing my mind

Oh man, you guys. There's just always too much going through my brain that I want to share. Too much, and also, nothing.

It's weird.

But mostly, lots of stuff. And no one to share it with, because most of it is uninteresting to pretty much the whole of the world's population. But I just come across these awesome links, stories and articles and such, all the time, and I want to talk to everyone about them! So then I post some to Facebook, but then I feel like I'm just constantly putting up links, and that's weird. So then I'm thinking about setting up a Twitter account so I can have somewhere to put them without cluttering everyone's facebook page. But then I'd have to figure out a username, and I'm soooo not good at that if my go-to is already taken (seriously, why would someone else use Susalyn? That's MY nickname! Sheesh. And not only did someone take it, but that person hasn't even used it for anything! Not cool, man, not cool).

Maybe I should just use my blog for that purpose. A daily round-up of interesting links I found, if you will. The only problem with that is I don't really tend to give out my blog url to people (seriously, I was reluctant even to tell my roommate what it was last year. I think she eventually found it on her own, somehow, once). I'm not really sure why that is...I mean, obviously I know that if it's on the internet, it's find-able, and it's not like I typically tell deep, dark secrets here. Mostly whining about how much I miss Colorado and how much I dislike being single. But maybe I'm a tad embarrassed by the me-centrism of my blog, and that's why I don't want many people to know about it...? But then, maybe changing things up a bit and having a link post every day would help me fix that. Because, really, this is one hecka crappy blog. But it's mine, all mine. Anyway.

What was I saying?

I don't know.

Oh. Links. Yeah. So there's that. And then I come across all these great knitting patterns all the time, too, and places where I can find great knitting patterns, and things about yarn, and knitting needles, etc etc. And I just want to DO IT ALL. I have so many things I want to knit. I just want to knit until my little fingers fall off. Oh man, do you know how sad I would be if my fingers fell off? (Or if, more likely, something happened that left my hands useless. Or amputated. Or whatever.) I would be so sad not to be able to knit anymore. And no chance of ever playing the violin again...I really wish I had kept up with that. Well, maybe I can get back into it once I'm done with school.

But yes. Knitting. I love it. Love it. Love love it. I can't even stand it. It's ridiculous, how much I love knitting. It's embarrassing, except I love it too much to be embarrassed. And hey, it's like a public service, right? Sure, I keep some of the things I knit (a few scarves, some hats, headbands that take like 5 minutes to do, that one blanket that was my first attempt at a blanket, and which I finally finished last semester sometime after having put it away for over a year), but mostly they're gifts and such. And someday, maybe, I can try my hand at selling a few things. I hope I can do that. I guess I should stop committing to making people things...but it's just so fun! Oh and there's so many things I want to try! Like, I found a pattern for this blanket that folds up and has an extra pocket/flap thing in which most of the blanket can be tucked, so it makes a pillow when it's all folded. My roommate had a quilt like that last year. I can totally knit one! And I actually found a pattern yesterday for a really cute knit skirt. Kinda weird, not sure how it'd actually look in reality (as opposed to the "official" pictures, which probably always look better than the real thing), but it'd be fun to try. Someday.

Oh, and then there's this one blog post I want to write, except I'm not sure how to fit it into this blog anymore. I used to write more about Catholic issues and such, but for the last year it's mostly been me whining. So a random post stuck in about homosexuality just seems like it'd be a little out of place...part of the reason I've been toying with the idea of starting a new blog, just to start fresh. I don't know, though.

Not that any of this really matters. The important thing is...it rained all day today. And it's awesome. Except it was still almost 80, which meant it was just kind of gross out, instead of nice and cool like we all want it to be (finally). It's still raining right now, and I love that sound. I had a really good day today, and I have no idea why. I've been in such a foul funk lately. And it's been frustrating, because I know I've been depressed but have no idea what to do about it. It's like it's...just beyond me. I try, and I give myself these internal pep talks all the time, trying to tell myself to be more cheerful, to respond more, to be better, but none of it works. Maybe it's me just being stubborn or something, I don't know. It just all feels like more than I can handle, but I have to handle it, and then I feel ridiculous because things could be SO MUCH WORSE because, really, what's my problem? I'm stuck in a place I don't like so I can be in a program I (mostly...) believe in? I'm far away from my family and friends, so I don't want to form new attachments? I'm single, so I act like this person I wouldn't even want to be acquainted with (let alone anything else)? Seriously. I have issues, and I just need to get over it. It's not that bad. And even if it is, it's only temporary. Yeah, it sucks. (Especially the single part because, "only 25" or not, I feel it. I feel the time ticking away. And then yesterday I read a news article about an 85-year-old woman who just got married. For the first time. EVER. I really hope I don't have to wait another 60 years. I know God's timing is perfect, but...really?) But there's no point in me being such a complete drag.

Anyway. Point is, my outlook has been better today. Why that is, I couldn't tell you. (Except I can tell you that my mood practically immediately began to improve when I made the decision to go to adoration at St. Rita's last night. They do a Holy Hour from 7-8 every Wednesday, and I was only there from 7:30-8, but I'm pretty sure Jesus must have just been sitting there waiting for me, with all this grace to give me so that I can get through at least today. Just a day at a time, that's all I need to do. And grace is, thankfully, abundant, if we ask for it. God provides. I mean, it'd be nice if he provided me something else too, but I guess he doesn't think I need that yet. And I guess I just have to agree. God's pretty smart. I? am not.)

And then I got $.20/gal off when I filled up my car today, because Giant (a supermarket chain that's out here, but not in Colorado...can't remember if it was in Indiana too. Might have been) has a program, for every 100 points you get it's 10 cents off at Shell. I'm not sure how they calculate points, but all of a sudden I checked the other day and I had like 250. Sweet! I think it was boosted because last weekend I did my more-or-less once-a-month major grocery shopping expedition. That's usually how I work - get a bunch of stuff once a month or so, and then a couple other times throughout the month go for the more fresh items that get used up and/or go bad. Either way, hey, I filled up my tank for $2.50/gal today!

And classes. I have a love/hate relationship with some of them, and the Institute itself, right now. I have been better, somehow, about keeping up with the reading in most of them, and it's amazing how much more I get out of class when I've at least perused the readings. (Hey, only took me a year of grad school, plus, what, 16 years of other schooling? to figure that out!) And we're now done with Theology of the Body, which frees up a lot more time. Especially once we take the final, which happens on Monday. I have a lot going on next week, school-wise, which has oddly made me more productive this week. That just doesn't happen in Susie-land. For example, I have to turn in a paper topic and preliminary bibliography next Thursday for my Patristics class. I'm not sure yet what I'm doing, but I've actually been researching topics and trying to figure that out. And it's not next Wednesday! Amazing! (Of course, I still don't really know what I'm doing...I want to write on the marriage passage in Tobit, but I haven't found much that the Church Fathers have written on that piece of Scripture, unfortunately...)

Aaaaanyway...

Life is weird. I hope God realizes what a terrible navigator I am. I hope he's written that into the plans of my life and made concessions for it. I mean, in real life, I'm not too bad at it. If I get lost, I'm usually pretty good at finding my way back to where I need to be. Sometimes takes longer than others, but I make it work. Maybe that'll be true in life, too. (I just hate always having this feeling of...what if? What if I had done something differently? Could I be married with a kid or two by now? Or would I still be here, because this is where I was supposed to be? What if I got here too early? Or too late? What if I missed out on something I was supposed to do, and can never get that back? There's really no way to answer these questions, and as Aslan says, "To know what would have happened, child? No. Nobody is ever told that. But anyone can find out what will happen." (Prince Caspian. Page 137 in my awesome set.) He also says basically the same thing, maybe in Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Same two characters (Lucy and Aslan). "Child, did I not explain to you once before that no one is ever told what would have happened?" (Page 136. Oh weird! haha. Practically the same page, same characters, two different books. What are the odds?)

(PS - can I just say, I'm in love with my Chronicles of Narnia set? We had a copy of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe when I was growing up, and it was the only one I ever read, and then my sophomore year of college or something I decided to look into buying a whole set - I tried to read a all-in-one-book version from the library sometime in high school, but it's hard for me to curl up with a huge book like that. Felt like I was reading an encyclopedia or something. So I looked on ebay, and lo and behold, someone was selling a whole set that matched the one book we had! I was excited beyond believe, and it was my first ebay purchase, and man. I love it. It was used, obviously, but so was the one we already had so they matched. I think they were printed in the 80s or something. I love them so. They're each really small, and such quick reads, and I just love them. Mmm. Yay.)

Seriously. Why am I still typing words? They're all pretty meaningless. And I have some Hannah Coulter to read. And some afghans to knit. And some sleep to...sleep.

Au revoir, mes amies.

Goodness. And stuff.

Have you guys visited my knitting blog yet? You know, the one with the super-awesome name that makes me chuckle to myself every time I think of it? Man. I hope that never gets old.

You know what else doesn't get old? The Young Victoria. I love love love that movie. Plus, how often do you come across a movie that's for adults and is rated PG? And is beautiful? Not often, my friends, not often. I know it's not all wholly historically accurate, but it's just so. good.

Also: I'm pretty sure that St. Rita's is going to get me through this year. I love that place already. So much.

In other good news, I finally did it. I bought myself a Swift. I got the steel/steel. Not sure why. Well, I know why. I really wanted the red/black (or the plum/black), but wasn't sure, and plus both of those are backordered until late November. And I figured the steel would go better with more stuff. So yeah. I'm excited. I think it shipped today. I'm sure I'll take pictures when it gets here. Yay.

I had a good hair day. It's weird how that can make a day slightly better. That, and adoration. And other Catholic things. And the archangels.

It's raining right now. Probably won't be so enjoyable when I have to commute in it tomorrow morning, but it's nice sitting in my window seat with the window open, hearing the soft sounds of rainfall. I like nighttime rain. And it's been awhile since we've had rain, so I guess it's a good thing.

School's kicking my butt. This year is going to kick my butt in general. I know it'll be good for me in the end, but not fun in the interim. I just have to keep myself from freaking out because I have no plans, nor goals, nor real desires for what I'm going to do once I get that hood in May. I'm sure I'll find something. Even if it's...completely unrelated. I hope. Maybe. I don't even know. The apocalypse could happen by then, I guess, so it's probably pointless to worry too much about. (That said, I do have to get my resume in order and start sending some sort of preliminary inquiric emails. Yes. Inquiric.)

Also, I miss my dog. Knowing it'll be three months before I can again hold her in my arms is the worst part about being away from home. Sure, I miss my family and all, but I can at least talk to them on the phone. The connection with a dog is much more physical-based. I mean, you can't really interact with a dog without touching it. You can't hold conversations with a dog. You can hold treats. You can't ask how a dog's day was. You can ask it to give you her paw. You can't expect a dog to want to know what you're feeling at any given moment. You can expect your dog to care, and come sit by you so that at the very least, you have something big and warm and soft and loving to hold onto, whether you're depressed or exuberant. Dogs. Man. They're the best. So much. So. I miss Nutmeg. TOOOOOONS. Gah.

(So, funny story - today, I found out/was reminded that the Tuesday after Columbus Day is what we call an "administrative Tuesday" meaning, basically, that we don't have our Tuesday classes that day. They're canceled for that week. And as of today, I no longer have class on Wednesdays. Which means...I essentially have a six-day weekend that week. Granted, I should (and need to) work, and I only have Monday off from work that week. But I'm not planning on working on Tuesdays, since I have two classes and man, working from 8-12 and then having two classes until 7:30 is just a loooong day. So, sort of technically I could get away with not going in on Tuesday at least. So when we were talking about that today, I was thinking...maybe I could fly home on that Saturday, and fly back Tuesday or something. But tickets are still like $270 to do that. I really want to, but...yeah. And then I was also thinking, the week of Thanksgiving, I'll only technically have class on Tuesday (plus the one I'm auditing on Mondays, but obviously that one doesn't matter much). So then I thought, maybe if I fly home the weekend before Thanksgiving and then stay for a week or so it'd be cheaper than flying home on Tuesday or Wednesday before, which is the reason I wasn't planning on doing it this year (Thanksgiving flights are SUUUUUUPER expensive). And it is cheaper (less than $300, I think, instead of like $450 craziness). But I don't know. A) I don't like missing class, and B) I kind of told my aunt that I'd probably do Thanksgiving with them this year, which I said last year and then ended up going home. I've also looked at how much it might cost if I go home over Halloween weekend. Not sure why then, except I'd get to see my super cute nephews in their Halloween costumes. (The nice thing is that my schedule now is such that on Fridays, my class is an audit that I could skip if absolutely necessary - although not advisable, since I've already missed one and I am responsible for knowing that information come comps time - and on Mondays, my only class is another audit, which I could really skip to my heart's content since I'm just taking it for fun. But I like it, so I wouldn't want to skip. Much. For a good cause, though, I would.) Obviously, Halloween weekend probably won't happen either, because it's really just a ridiculous thought.

But man. Three more months is a long time. I know it's not that long, but it feels very long. If I don't go home until Christmas it'll be the longest I've been away from home/gone without seeing my family, ever. (Almost 5 months. Again, not terrible, but sort of terrible.) But I might just have to suck it up and deal with it.

Well. At least I have my knitting.

And I also have a bed. Which happens to be calling my name.

The pictures make this post ALMOST worthwhile.

A couple things of import:

• First of all, it's really nothing of import.
• Second, the other day when driving to school, I had a country station on. (Man, sometimes country music is just delightful to listen to. Especially when it's Josh Turner. Or a bunch of others. But I find that I get sick of country if it's my "primary" radio station, so usually my primary is generic adult soft rock. Also quite enjoyable.) They were talking about something, and I guess they had played a song that reminded the female DJ of some other song, and she couldn't figure out what it was. Someone called in and said it was Hey There, Delilah, and the female DJ got excited and realized that yes, that's what it was. (I don't know what was the original country song they were talking about, so I can't comment as to whether or not this is true.) Anyway. They kept talking, or it went to commercial or something, so I switched to my fallback station. And guess what they played not two minutes later? Yep. Hey There Delilah. Not wholly unusual to hear that song, but to hear it minutes after it was discussed on a country music station? Kinda weird. But I like it when stuff like that happens. It's just funny.
• I think I've said this every week so far, but man, I really enjoy the church I'm going to now. I always liked the church I went to up in Silver Spring (and might make a trip up there again one of these Sundays, just to go again), but I never really felt like it was "my" church, somehow. I don't know if I feel that way about St. Rita's, either, but I do know that I really, really like it. It's smaller than St. Bernadette, which is nice, and it's prettier too, but the music is pretty comparable. Both have many families/couples/babies (I'd say St. B's had more families with older kids, while St. Rita has more couples with one baby, but I think that makes sense given the areas in which both are located). Both also seem to have more single young women than single young men, but I think that's a given of any Catholic church these days. But definitely lots of couples. More women with veils at St. Rita, which might entice me to start wearing mine again. I was going to say that I love that they sing the Gloria every week, in Latin, but then I remembered that St. B's does that too. All the cool people do that. (Seriously, I love singing the Gloria in Latin. I still haven't quite memorized it yet, but I know where to find it in the book! And I know a lot of it by heart.) Anyway. Point is, I really like it there, and the priest announced today that they're starting a Young Adult's group next month. As in, like next week. Don't know if I'll go, but it might be interesting to check out. It's been so long since I've really been involved in a parish, and I really want to be. Even though I'll only be here another 8 months (God willing...)
• So, the other day I was sitting in our student lounge prior to class starting. And I was knitting, because, you know, that's what I do. One of the priests who's a student at the Institute, who is also rather awesome, walked in and kind of chuckled. He had seen me knitting *in public* sometime last year, when a bunch of us went to this little pub down the street from CUA between the then-second years' Tuesday afternoon and Tuesday evening classes (a tradition that my class has not kept up. Probably because I was one of the few of my class last year who participated). When he saw me knitting last year, he laughed because I guess he's not used to seeing non-grandmothers knitting. So when he saw me knitting last week, he chuckled again, and said something about me knitting in public, or knitting without shame, or something. Either way, the phrase "knitting without shame" made its way into my head, and I realized how AWESOME it is. Maybe because I'm currently up to my eyeballs in THEOLOGY OF THE BODY ALL THE TIME, and the whole "naked without shame" is sorta a part of that. Well, anyway, whatever it is, point is that I realized it's the phrase I was looking for so long. So. My knitting blog? (Which has, thus far, been pretty pathetic, I'll admit.) It's now Knitting Without Shame. I hope that doesn't make it blasphemous...or something...I don't know. I just know that I love it! And it's perfect. And it makes me super duper happy. The end.
• Speaking of knitting, well, maybe I should save it for my knitting blog, since I never write there. So, go check it out. But maybe wait a little while, since it might take me awhile. Who knows. (I'm watching football. And that takes precedence. Speaking of which, I'm starting to think I'm crazy for trying to follow three different teams. Patriots, Steelers, Broncos. It's too much. Broncos is a recent acquisition, maybe a result of my strong affinity for anything Colorado now that I'm not in Colorado. Sometimes I think I should stop following the Patriots, but I can't. Steelers, though? I think I'll root for them. But I'm not necessarily going to follow them anymore. I like them, I really like Troy Polamalu, and I always hear such good things about their team in general being pretty...good, morally and such (with certain obvious exceptions...), but I think they're going to the bottom of the three now. Luckily, none of the three play each other very often...that I know of...maybe Patriots/Steelers...I don't know. Anyway. Whatever. I don't know what I'm talking about.)
• Stay tuned here, too - I'm going to put up fun pictures I took of my commute the other day! Yay!
• On Friday, which was September 24, which means there was less than a full week left in the month of September, DCA hit a record 98 degrees. 98. Degrees. Ridiculous. What is wrong with it here? Sheesh. Today is quite a bit cooler, and actually drizzled a bit this morning. But still. Almost a full week of 90s temps at the end of September. One Sunday of low 70s, at the most, does not make up for that. A week of 70s, maybe.
• I've ceased to make sense now, so this is all. I'll leave you with pretty pictures of birthday flowers I got from work!

I am not a Pelagian!

You guys, a thought occurred to me tonight. (Maybe it's occurred to me before, but tonight, it came in concrete, logical form.)

A large reason I will be so, so glad if I ever find someone who wants me (you know, like, a guy) is so that I can stop feeling like I HAVE TO GO TO EVERYTHING just in case I might meet someone there. Because there's nothing more annoying than saying I wish that person had just found me already, only to have someone respond to me that he won't ever find me if I sit at home all the time. So then ANY time there's ANYTHING to go to, I feel like I have to go, because if I don't, welp, maybe there goes my chance. Which, I know, is fairly ridiculous. But still. That feeling is there. And oh how stressful it makes life. I mean, really, it's exhausting. And I'm sick of it. I don't like feeling like I'm going to these things solely as a way maybe to meet a guy. (Especially since I never do, anyway.) Even if it's something I might have wanted to go to, I can't help but have that bit of it in there, and I don't like that. Not to mention the fact that everything I go to tends to be more girl-heavy anyway, since single eligible Catholic young men are typically snatched up rather quickly, especially around here. So then even if there were one at something I go to, it's not like I'd ever catch someone's eye, since I'm just one of many.

Seriously, it's amazing how much being here (especially at the Institute) makes me feel completely a-unique. Which isn't a word, I don't think. But really, guys around here have their pick of girls. I imagine it's sort of what being a girl on the Bachelor feels like, except not, since...well, for all sorts of reasons. But it sucks. I mean, well, anyway. It's not fun. And yes, I realize that the right one is the right one and it doesn't matter how many other Catholic young women are around, but a girl needs to be noticed in order to be found, you know? It's hard to feel noticed here. I guess that's ok, because it is what it is and what it is is this. And God can make anything happen. But still.

I'm sick of it. I don't want to be "on the prowl." I know I don't have to be, but it's sooooo hard to turn off that part of the brain, the part that can't help but look for wedding rings, or listen for the word "girlfriend", or try to size up the Catholicness of the person. (And it's even harder when all these things pass the test, but it doesn't matter because all the girls around here are lovely, beautiful, faithful, orthodox women. And most of them exceed me in most positive attributes. And any eligible guy that's hanging around would, I'm sure, be quite happy with any of them.) (And I know, again, the right person is the right person. But still.)

(I would also like to point out here that I think this might be part of the reason I love knitting so much. It is one rather unique thing I have. I mean, not that it's really a great way to snatch a guy, because I'm pretty sure most guys don't sit around thinking, "Man, I really wish I had a girlfriend who could knit. Just like my grandmother does!" Hahahahaha. Oh man. Mostly, it's a weird hobby to have. But still. It's something.)

Aaaanyway...so tomorrow night, instead of going to this talk thing that I've been thinking about going to (both because it sounds sort of interesting, and because you never know who might be there, Susie), I'm staying home. And relaxing. Probably (hopefully) reading, because I'm pretty sure the next two weeks are going to kill me. Maybe drinking some wine and watching a movie later. I'm all theology-talked out, which I realize is sort of a problem considering that's basically my life right now - but it doesn't have to be my life every Friday night.

Who knows. Maybe I'll be missing out on meeting some guy I'm supposed to meet. But maybe, I'll get to relax and get myself in a better mindset. And then I'll be a better person when I meet him at the next thing.

(Hahaha. Yeah. Because that'll happen.)



(Seriously, though, it's exhausting. Girls aren't supposed to be the pursuers. But guys don't seem to be very good at pursuing. And it's true, that no one will know I'm around to be pursued if I never do anything. But I also can't just do everything in the hopes that...well, that he'll be at something, eventually. Gah. How annoying it is. You people don't even understand. Frustrating. Because, really, ultimately, tomorrow night? I don't want to go. But there's always that part of me that thinks I should. But I don't want to. And I really don't want to go for that reason specifically and then there's no one there, and then I have to sit through the whole thing realizing I could be at home, by myself, relaxing and not having to put my best face on in hopes of who knows what.)

(Ok. I didn't mean this to be so long. I'll stop now.) (It's just hard to figure out the balance, you know? I know God can make anything happen, but he needs us to do our part, too, and sitting on the couch watching movies with my roommate isn't going to help him much. But I doubt he wants me on the prowl, either. Especially since I'm not supposed to be the prowler. I'm the prey. But...in a nice, non-carnivorous way.)

(Now I'm done.) (Except, really, I'm never done.) (But I also don't know why I keep talking about this here. On my blog. On the internet. Which anyone, theoretically, could read. It's kinda embarrassing. But apparently not embarrassing enough to make me not do it.)

(I think I have issues.)

I will always love you

I was listening to the radio on the way home tonight (yay for one-hour commutes...?), and Delilah was on, and some woman called in and talked about how much she loves her husband, and they've been married for like eighty years or something (not quite), and she requested Delilah play a song for them. "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, or whoever. Now, I understand that the chorus and title of the song are romantic or whatever, but have people who request this as a song dedicated to their long-time love actually ever listened to the lyrics? "If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you ever step of the way." "So goodbye, please don't cry. We both know I'm not what you need."

I just think it's weird, is all.

(Also, I think I'm going loopy from this week. This week, which has really only been two days so far. And yet has already felt like five. And tomorrow will be another long day, with class (9:30-11:30 and 12:30-2:30), then seeing a long-lost friend, then getting to stay on campus from 6:30-8:30 to discuss a play I didn't particularly care for. Two. Hours. And that means not getting home until after 9, and then I'll have a 500 word paper to write. (About readings that I have not yet quite finished...))

Ah, September. You'll be the death of me yet. But it's ok, because I like the idea of rounded ages. If I could choose what day I would want to die, I think I'd pick my birthday. Very symmetrical. I mean, I wouldn't pick September 14, 2010, obviously. I'd pick something like September 14, 2085. (Now that's really symmetrical.) But it's ok, because September isn't going to kill me. I might be very, very sleep deprived by the end, but that'll make the rest of the semester feel like a breeze! I'll go from having 16 hours of class a week to having 10 hours a week - and only six hours that count for credit! Instead of having two classes on three days of the week, I'll have two classes on one day, one class on three days, and ZERO classes on one day! (Could be two days if I weren't auditing embryology, which I don't have to take and is an extra class - but I have to do no work for it and am responsible for knowing zero of the material.) Annnnnnyway. Fun times, no? Well, on the bright side, tomorrow's Thursday, which means the weekend is legitimately sort of almost here, and this weekend is ND-Michigan which I'm looking forward to (even if I'm not sure I have confidence in our team, but that's ok). Yay.

Less than a week in

...and already I'm using my blog to procrastinate writing papers. Haha. (Alternate title: Less than a week in, and I already have a paper due!) Of course, my school is known for calling one-page assignments (500 words!) "papers." I suppose they are, but really, it's more like...paper. A real, legit paper has to be at least a few pages. This is like...a paragraph. An eight of one of my regular blog posts. Haha. Maybe that's an exaggeration; I'd rather not take the effort to see how many words a typical post is, though. (Mostly because I'm sure it'd be embarrassing to find out how many words I use to say so very, very little.)

Anyway. I get to write 500 words on man's Original Experiences! (Original solitude, original unity, original nakedness.) Well, not all three, but something important within that. Easy-peasy, really, once I figure out how to say what I want to say, and in only 500 words.

But. I had a point in this post...Ah yes. I was going to link to a news article. From Fox news. That really sounds more like a gossip column than a news article from a legit news source. It's about one of those trapped Chilean miners, whose wife and mistress met each other, inadvertently, at a vigil for all the miners. Awkward much? But really, I mean...really, Fox? I don't know. I guess it's a legit story. Just seems...I don't know. Anyway. Also, do men who are sitting trapped in a mine really need 2000 calorie diets? Unless I'm picturing it wrong and they have room to move around and exercise and whatnot down there. Maybe they do. Just seems like...they don't needs as many calories as a normal, mobile man would. But then, what do I know? (Not much, really.)

I also read tonight that Stephen Hawking thinks that the fact that there are countless other galaxies and planets and whatnot out there proves that God doesn't exist. Or something. Huh? Something about how gravity caused the earth to be created, and it wasn't God. There were these things that just sort of ignited to create our planet, and with so many other planets out there in the universe, it's unimpressive that at least one of them (ours) can sustain intelligent life. Obviously his convoluted argument is flawed, because, for one, where did those things that randomly ignited themselves or each other come from in the first place? And isn't the fact that there are SOOOO many planets out there, and so far out of ALL of them only ours can sustain life, sort of proof that there's something special about Earth? I suppose he and I are looking at it from far different lenses and world views, but clearly he's just objectively wrong. Haha. But seriously. Silly Mr. Hawking. I'm sure you're brilliant and all, but not very smart, eh? (Do people not realize that the existence of God doesn't mean the nonexistence of science? Science and theology are constitutively and inexorably related. True fact.)

Well. One of these days I'm going to do a throw-up linky post, because man, I come across some gooooood articles sometimes! And I should share them with you all, because they're good! Indeed.

Now, back to Theology of the Body. Complementarity and unity, and all that. Yipperee.


Oh, forgot to add: all I want to do is knit. It's too bad, really, that I can't do my schoolwork and knit at the same time. Occasionally I can manage it, if I have a really simple pattern and am reading something that will stay open on a flat surface by itself. This doesn't happen often, though, and even when it does, I'm only half-paying attention to the reading. (Usually better at paying attention to the knitting.) But I have to remind myself: I'm excited about these classes. (I really am.) I want to learn this stuff. (I really do.) It's important for me to do the reading and process it and internalize it so I can then use it and evangelize the world. (Ok, that might be a bit too much of an impossibility. By myself, anyway.) Seriously, though, doing schoolwork outside of the classroom is (clearly, obviously) hard for me to make myself do. But I want to know this stuff, so that I can engage with this culture in which I find myself, a culture that thinks nothing of multiple divorces, homosexual relationships, children-as-commodities, contraception, etc. I'm not so good at debating because I just don't know enough, and that's precisely why I'm here. Last year was hard, because my classes weren't so much this nitty gritty directly about marriage and family stuff. This year is, to a greater extent. It's all there for me to know. I just have to let myself learn it.

And that requires putting down the needles and picking up the books.

Oh yeah, and walking away from the computer, too.

(Slightly more difficult, that, when there's a "paper" to be written. Alas.)

PS: If you've made it this far, I want to reward you. So enjoy this (although, if you're my facebook friend - and I think all two of you are - you probably already saw it):


Yes. So true. And yes, I do sometimes judge based on spelling, grammar, and punctuation. I can't help it. Sometimes it's forgivable. Sometimes, it's just too egregious to let go. Sometimes, people prove over and over that it wasn't just a one-time typo. (Even I make those.) Sometimes it's clear that people just don't know how to spell definitely, or the difference between less and fewer, or that your is not the same as you're. Or OH MY GOODNESS too many examples. Sorry. Sometimes it just all catches up to me and I'm pretty sure the Internet is ruining our language as we know it. Sigh. I really don't think spelling or grammar are taught in schools anymore. My grammar has improved exponentially since I graduated high school than it ever did while I was in school, I'm pretty sure. (I was always a pretty good speller, which, fine, some people just aren't good spellers. Microsoft Word is, I think, both a blessing and a curse for bad spellers - good because it allows them to have correct spelling in papers and such that they might write, but bad because then they don't bother to learn actually how to spell words correctly, and Facebook becomes the place where correct spelling and grammar seem to be endangered species.

Why yes, I do feel strongly about this. Why do you ask?

Seriously, though. I shouldn't judge, I know. I try not to. But I just can't help but wonder if some of these people turn in academic or professional papers/emails/anything of the like with errors such as those they don't seem to realize are errors. (Or just don't care.) I hope I never have to be in the position of hiring people, because I think I would be quite likely to be inclined not to pick a certain applicant based solely on his or her grammar usage in a cover letter. But maybe that's a legitimate thing to judge, in that situation. Who knows. Anyway. I'm pretty sure it doesn't make me a better person, and in fact probably does the opposite. Once you learn the correct rules of grammar, it's so hard not to see when people break them. (And no, technically "you" isn't really correct, but I have to draw the line somewhere. I'd love to bring back "one" and say "When one learns the correct rules," but, pretentious much? Too bad, too, because it sounds better, and causes less confusion.) Really. Sometimes it's best just not to know. Except, then you'll make mistakes, and people like me will judge you.

The only solution is for everyone to learn the correct way to speak and write. That's all there is to it. Then I don't have to look at the mistakes I see in practically every piece of writing I read these days. And I'm sure people could point out some in mine.

Ok. NOW, back to writing. Sheesh. What's wrong with me?

Things I need to talk about

• How much I realize I've come to enjoy certain aspects of DC.
• The knowledge I'm slowly gaining regarding my ability to look past the next 9 months and try to see myself somewhere other than Colorado. (Definitely not there yet. But I know I need to be, even if I do end up back in Colorado.)
• My enjoyment of and desire to re-watch movies such as Air Force One and Gladiator, because I watched parts of both this weekend, but would like to watch both all the way through. (Sometimes, a girl just needs a good action movie or two. With good heroes and strong male leads.)
• ...um...my enjoyment of American history (and the sort of sadness that comes from visiting historical American landmarks in their mostly-original condition, but juxtaposed by the tall, modern buildings by which they're surrounded in the middle of cities that now resemble not at all the cities as they were when these buildings were original).
• The gay marriage debate. Seriously, I've been working on a post about that for well over a week now. Will I ever actually post it? Who knows. Anything I have to say about it has already been said, and better, by lots of other people. And yet...so few people realize the ramifications of what's happening to society. Anyway. We'll see about that post.
• My new(ish) love of the short-lived TV show Firefly.
• The fact that my lack of crocheting skills is keeping me from potentially getting a part-time job at the knitting store in Old Town. (Well, that, and the fact that I wouldn't be able to do weekday shifts.) Argh frustrating! I wish I had knitters (and crocheters) in my life so they could impart their wisdom on me. That's the thing about being self-taught - it's easy to skip learning certain things that are actually sometimes important. Oh well.
• Life. (Actually, not really. I just can't remember anything else I wanted to mention.)

Yeah. So maybe I'll get around to some of that stuff one of these days. But really, probably not.