Jolting

We just had a CARAZY storm right over us. We get thunder and lightning and whatnot pretty regularly, especially this year (used to be like this all the time, but then we had some years of drought so it was less stormy and rainy), but usually it's not as bad as this storm. Of course, it was pretty awesome, but really intense. I mean, a good 20-30 minutes of a lot of lightning followed immediately by huge crashes of thunder. And a LOT of rain. The storm was basically centered right over our neighborhood. It was pretty cool. The power went out for a little while, even. Pretty cool. Especially since it didn't hit our house. Haha.

And to think, I used to be terrified of lightning and thunder. Now I can't get enough of it. Like a few nights ago, we got a pretty intense storm at like midnight. Lightning used to scare me especially at night. Now? It's super fantastic. Man. Good stuff.

This video (and subsequent picture) is from a few weeks ago when there was a nice lightning storm out east. We live in a hilly neighborhood (and...um...city, I guess), and part of the path around here goes to the top of this hill that provides a great, mostly unobstructed view of East. So I love going up there when there are those beautiful lightning storms. I don't do it often enough, though, as it's usually late-ish and I don't like to go out alone after it's dark, even though we have a quite safe neighborhood.

Speaking of lightning, I forget if I mentioned this at the time, but when I was flying out here, I believe for spring break my senior year, as we were getting near Denver we flew around this cloud in which there was a lot of lightning. And it seemed like we flew all around it, because I could see it for quite awhile. And I enjoy having the window seat - partly to see cool stuff like that, partly because I always feel bad reclining my chair and at least I can lean against the window seat and not just try to sleep sitting straight up. So, I got to watch that cloud to my heart's content, and it was really, really cool. Really cool.

Ok, lightning stories done.

Listen to the Church. (Not Susie.)

One of my future housemates (we officially have a house now, as of today! Yay!) posted a link on her facebook today to an article from Time.

Seriously, I'm cheering practically every. single. word. It's about time the research shows what the Church has always taught. People like to dismiss the Catholic Church as being outdated, or just a bunch of rules made by old single white guys. But look. Research by those who would prefer the opposite outcome supports that which the Church warns about; namely, that children need their parents to be married, need them both in their lives, need that connection that divorce (or cohabitation) breaks or fails to create.

Our culture has become incredibly selfish. It's all about me. What I want, what I need, what makes me happy, even at the expense of him. Or her. Or them. (As the case may be.) We join together in these relationships, but the minute those lovey-dovey feelings go away, or things start to get difficult, or stop being so fun, we abandon ship. Regardless of the level of commitment that has been created (semi-serious dating, cohabitation, engagement, marriage, etc). There is little sense of personal responsibility anymore. Little sense of true love - not eros, but agape. Not the love that gives us butterflies or warm feelings, but the love that keeps us going through the tough times because we care about the other person. And when children are thrown into the mix, it's still primarily about the parents and how they feel. Yes, divorce is sometimes necessary, I suppose. Surely not as often as it's used in this day and age, obviously. We've gotten to a level of ridiculousness in the divorce (and non-marriage) rate. I mean, I'd laugh at the absurdity of it if it weren't so incredibly sad, if it didn't leave so many children broken, lost.

I picked up a book at work the other day (well, former work, tear), called "Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World: A Guide for Catholics." I'm all about the courtship idea, and figuring out the type of person I should be looking for to pursue me (because I'm also all about being pursued, as women should be). Anyway, I'm about halfway through, and it's just so good. It's written by a priest, but he didn't become a priest until he was in his thirties and had dated a number of women. And he now works with young adult and single Catholics (or did at the time he was writing the book, anyway), so he seems to know what he's talking about pretty well. Nothing in it is stuff that surprises me or that I haven't heard before, because it's pretty common-sensical, especially for one who's grown up with Catholic morals as I have been lucky enough to do (thanks, Mom and Dad!). But he talks a lot about how relationships should be conducted - a lot about chastity, which is of utmost importance. He discusses the different types of love which all work together but which need agape - divine love - to work properly. (I mean, I'm sure I'm way oversimplifying that, but it makes sense in my head, so whatever.) He talks a lot about the responsibility needed in relationships and marriage, and that those warm fuzzies people get are not the end-all-be-all of relationships so that when they're gone, people should give up and move on. I'm not really doing the book justice (I mean, I'm only halfway through it, plus I'm not so good at doing justice to these kinds of things), but it's just fantastic for me to read.

People don't seem to put much effort into these things anymore. It's like, "hey I like you, you like me, let's see where this goes" without really thinking of bigger issues that might become problems. And then those issues either get swept under the rug until after marriage at which point they become huge issues that break the marriage (because we don't really want to work at making marriage work, because we don't have to anymore), or both parties just ignore it hoping the other one will change. There are some huge problems in the ways we approach dating and marriage. Reading the book is helping me put into words what I really know in my heart to look for and expect. Granted, never having been in a serious relationship, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. But I think the point is that I should know what to expect and what to look for when it comes to relationships, and I shouldn't compromise on those bigger issues, no matter how we feel about each other. (I mean, hypothetically, obviously.) One of the things he says in the book, which I know is true, is that it's better to be single wishing to be married than to be married wishing to be single.

I feel like I'm kinda all over the place, but it's all related, right? I mean, I'm not into casual dating because for me the point of dating is to find someone to marry. Dating, or courtship, leads directly to marriage, and the way we date directly influences how we will relate in our marriages, I think. It seems to me. Man, I'm really awful at getting my point across. Sigh. I guess I'm trying to say that I have a responsibility to myself, to God, to my future husband, to anyone I might date, to conduct these relationships in such a way that they're not all about me but about God's will and about responsbility to others. Or something like that. Gahr. Seriously. Me talking=awful.

Here's a quote from that article: "An increasingly fragile construct depending less and less on notions of sacrifice and obligation than on the ephemera of romance and happiness as defined by and for its adult principals, the intact, two-parent family remains our cultural ideal, but it exists under constant assault. It is buffeted by affairs and ennui, subject to the eternal American hope for greater happiness, for changing the hand you dealt yourself." The article cites research that shows that children in middle-class single-parent homes do worse in school and such than children in lower-class, lesser-educated two-parent homes.

It's all tied together, people. All of it. This, the gay marriage issue (which has been coming to my mind more and more lately, and which I really need to study up on because I've recently discovered how awful I am at debating this particular important issue), the abortion issue, the pornography issue, all of it. The Church is not outdated. The Church is full of wisdom. I hate how awful I am at trying to tell people about this (seriously, I can't debate for anything), but goodness I need to get better, because it's just all so true. The Church is Truth, folks, and hopefully someday people will see that.

(And luckily for me, I'll be in grad school now getting my master's in exactly this topic! Maybe I'll finally learn how better to debate this stuff.)

What the poop?

So, I take Nutmeg for walks fairly frequently (try to every day, probably make it at least 5 days a week), and often it's around the neighborhood here, which includes a nice greenway where we often see deer and such. Well, as soon as you get onto that path from any of its starting points, there are those signs that say to pick up your dog's excrement by city ordinance #blahblahblah. So, fine, all well and good, and they even have these handy-dandy bag dispensers at a few spots around the path (and other starting points that don't have them, people sometimes leave them tied nearby). Luckily for me, Nutmeg doesn't tend to poop much when we go on walks. She pees and marks like there's no tomorrow, but leaves most of the other to the backyard here. Hazel rarely ever did on walks either, and same with Kebbie. I've been very lucky in that regard. But tonight, not so lucky. I could tell she was trying to find a spot before I came up to one of the bag dispensers, so I got one and a few minutes later, I needed it. And then I realized it'd be a while before we'd get to a trashcan. So, fine, whatever, I carried it for awhile. And then when we got close to where there used to be a trashcan, I realized that it's no longer there. And at the same time, I realized that the other place where there used to be one, at the other end of the park, I didn't think there was one anymore. And lo and behold when I got to that spot, no trashcan. But, a bag dispenser, and a sign saying to remove pet excrement. Thanks, City of Colorado Springs. Helpful. Nutmeg had gone probably a quarter of the way, at most, into our walk, and the entire hour-long loop that we do does not contain a single trashcan (unless I'm counting people's trashcans, some of which were at the ends of driveways as I neared my house toward the end since tomorrow is some people's trash day).

So when I got to the second place where I had originally thought there'd be a trashcan, and there wasn't, I knew that there wouldn't be another one the rest of the way so I just left the tied-up bag there under the bag dispenser. As had many others. I mean, what are we supposed to do? Am I supposed to carry her bag of poop for my entire hour-long walk? If we're required to remove pet excrement, shouldn't there be a place to remove it to?

Anyway. Rant over. Just felt like sharing. At least the sunset, as always, was beyoootiful.

Addiction

I think I'm addicted to very thin air. Like, 10,000+feet-above-sea-level air.

And if that's wrong, then man, I don't want to be right.


I can't wait to get back up there. Later this week, even, hopefully.

Work in Progress

Currently composing a long post about my trek up the Peak yesterday. In a word, GLORIOUS. Also: Uplifting, breathtaking, fantabulous, indescribable. (Seriously, folks, being up there, remembering it now, it makes my soul absolutely sing with joy. And wonder. And thankfulness at God's unparalleled creation.)

But I still need to upload complementing pictures, and I don't feel like it right now. Maybe tomorrow - after all, Friday was my last day of work, which means I'm free as a bird during the days now.

Here's realistic things on my to-do list with my time off:
-Zoo with nephews (and sister)
-Hike to the punch bowls
-Hike Pikes Peak again
-Hike Section 16
-Hike to Helen Hunt Falls
-Go to Rock Ledge Ranch
-Maybe (very maybe) go up to Rocky Mountain National Park again and do some real hiking in there
-Read some books
-Knit some things
-Play some games
-Watch Lord of the Rings (perhaps maybe even do a marathon viewing? Never done that before)
-Enjoy life, Colorado, friends, and family

(Oh, and pack, but that's not very fun so is not included.)

The end.

Ok, a teaser:

Tap tap...is this thing on?

So, it's been a week since I last updated, apparently, and that was just a youtube video. Pathetic, Susie. Fail.

But I don't really have anything to talk about.

I do need to post pictures. I have pictures to share. It's just tedious to upload them, I guess.

Tomorrow is my last day of work. Do you realize what that means? That means this is the beginning of all the endings I'm going to have to go through in the next month. That sucks.

Also, I'll be quite poor.

But luckily, I do have something to look forward to tomorrow, so that's good. And then I'm hiking Pikes Peak on Saturday. We're going up a different way this time (last year we did Barr Trail, the typical trail up the Peak, which is about 12.5-13 miles from bottom to top). This trail is around 12.5 miles roundtrip, so it's shorter and quicker, and different (and less crowded). Although Sunday is the Pikes Peak Hill Climb (which I hate, but people do every year - the car race up the mountain), so I think my views and the serene mountain top might be disrupted by those practicing for Sunday. Oh, maybe not - looks like practice and qualifying rounds were this week through tomorrow. Doesn't say anything about Saturday, so hopefully we won't run into that.

Um...yeah, I don't know what to say here. I think I'm going to be leaving around August 25 now, instead of August 14. Long story, but now we might not have a house to move into until later, so I'd be chilling in the metro for a couple weeks if I went out there the 14th. Hopefully that'll work out. I think I need just to decide it, because then I can set it in stone, and I can buy plane tickets to go to Gail's wedding (haven't yet because I didn't know if I'd be going from DC or from here).

Oh, and tonight it's finally hitting me. Tomorrow is my last day of work. Tonight I went to my last Gravity planning meeting (which, oh my goodness I'm going to miss so. much). We were planning things that I won't even be here for (well, just a few, but still - it's starting). Sigh. Two of the six of us (in the core team) are getting married in the next six months. And then there's at least two other weddings within the group around that time frame too. I don't know if I can go to all of them...but I can't imagine missing them. Sigh.

Anyway. Let's try to focus on the positives here. I'm going to see Harry Potter with a lovely friend on Monday. Sometime soon I'm going to go to the zoo with Cathy and the boys. I'm hopefully going to go hiking a lot in the next couple weeks - including to the famed punch bowls up by Glen Eyrie. Oh, and I want to go to Rock Ledge Ranch, too, because I always love going there, even though it's always the same thing. (What's gonna change? It's a historical working farm...type...thing.) So, lots of good things. And that's good, and exciting.

And DC will be fine, and fun, and exciting. But I think I just won't be very excited about it until I'm actually there, you know? And then it'll be cool, because it's DC, and, well, DC is cool.

Yes.

I still really wish they had made a (real) whole album

(Not the best quality, especially sound, but it was the only one I could find.)

Thoughts and things of late

New encyclical. I have yet to read the whole thing (my eyes don't like reading lots of text on web pages, but apparently my mom formatted a nice copy that I'm planning on printing out so I can sit down and read it), but from what I have read, it's good. Of course it's good, it's Pope Benedict XVI!

I came across this article the other day: movies are too "heteronormative." In other words, children's movies promote heterosexual relationships too much. Children's movies are not inclusive enough. Yeah. Wow. The gay agenda is not just working to create acceptance, it's working to create pervasive "you must conform". Ugh.

I may or may not attempt these after I finish work, before I leave for DC. For what, I'm not sure - and I'd probably forgo the baskets and fry holders, although that would admittedly get rid of some of the presentation. But it could be fun to try it. (Although, man, how sweet those things must be! They'd better be small!)

Color me quite unimpressed by digital TV. Actually, very much the opposite of impressed. Give me semi-staticky, not-quite-clear bunny ears reception any day over this annoying skipping and squarey (think large pixels) reception. Ugh.

I've been training my replacement the last few days. I'm not a very good teacher - not patient enough. I think I tend to latch onto things rather quickly (not to sound all...prideful or whatever, because I make tons of mistakes too), so it's hard for me to teach people who might not get things as quickly. Plus, there's the fact that I'm feeling a sense of protectiveness and...oh, what's the word, territorial, I guess, about my job. I'm really fighting that, though, because it's not really mine any more, and I'm the one who chose to give it up. But I can't help but have those moments of my hackles going up a bit when my regular routine in my job get changed by someone new coming in, who of course is going to have his own way of doing things, even just minorly. I'm very possessive about things sometimes, and this is no exception. But I'm really, really, really fighting to make that go away and ignore it and realize that other ways of doing it can be just as good, or won't cause the entire thing to go awry and just get completely messed up. Anyway. See, I'm really bad at letting go of anything, this included.

(And that is why my memory card in my camera is currently full. With close to 2000 pictures. Because I'm afraid if I delete them, then I'll lose them on my computer somehow, and then they'll be gone forever. But tonight hopefully I'll be able to clean house at least a little bit. There are still all those Hazel pictures on there, from the very first day I got her up to a day or two before she died. Lots of them. And I'm afraid to let go of any of them. Also, I need an external hard drive of my own, I've decided. I guess that won't exactly be letting go, just...moving aside. But it's a step, right?)

(Also speaking of letting go, my goodness I am the owner of junk up the wazoo. My room is ridiculous, and I hate it, and I can't wait to be done with work so that I can tackle it and get rid of a lot of it. I just hope that I can actually get myself to do it, because never has a task seemed so overwhelming. I don't have a clue where I'm going to start. Not a clue. There's no room to make piles of stuff to separate it - piles to keep and piles to throw away. There's no room for anything. I guess I'll just have to try to start in one corner and just work my way around, somehow. I need like a central staging area. Maybe I can commandeer the garage for a day (or four), just so I can get stuff out of my room as I get it organized. I don't know how it's going to work. I don't know if it's going to work. I just have to do it, I guess. And I hope I have the strength to let go of a lot of that stuff, because I know it's harmful for my soul to keep it. Seriously. I need to minimalize, simplify, and just...take up less space. I take up a lot of space, and it makes me sick sometimes. At times, like right now, it all just seems to start closing in on me, suffocating me, and I don't know how I'm going to get out. But maybe knowing that I'll finally be able to follow through. I'm not always great at follow-through. I need to be now, though. I can't take all that stuff with me to DC. And I don't want to or need to leave it here. Memories and mementos are great, but what's the point if they're stuffed in a box somewhere that they'll never be seen anyway? So. I need prayers that I'll be able to do that. It's going to be ridiculously hard, and I know how pathetic this all probably sounds to many people out there, but it really needs to happen. For my well-being - body, mind, soul, spirit.)

Also hard: (um, an aside, but ever since I started watching The Office, I've often replaced the word "hard" with "difficult" whenever possible. But I'm not right now.) Trying to tell myself that I am worth something, even when it seems like every. single. other. girl. IN THE WORLD. has something better to offer than I do. It's a weird mixture in my head when I think, "Hey, I'm a pretty awesome girl, though I do have my many multitudes of faults, and I'd probably make a pretty fun girlfriend," and then every guy I have a crush (or more) on goes after some other girl, and then I think, "Wow, I must have nothing that any guy wants - or not enough of it. Or too much of something." So then I'm in this weird "I'm pretty ok/I'm pretty worthless" jumble. And it's weird, and that's just...the way it is. Because it's true. Many many guys in the past few years (well, ok, not that many), whenever I start developing even an inkling of feeling for them all of a sudden start dating this other girl, or that girl, or whatever. It's like I'm always two minutes too late to the party. Like maybe I would have had a chance had I sort of shown how I felt just a little bit sooner, but I didn't, and once I got to a place where I wanted to, oop, he's dating someone else. Not that it matters because he wouldn't have gone for me anyway because there's always someone better and for whatever reason that's the way God's let it be up to now because he knows things better than I do, and he knows me too well, and the day I find out that someone I actually really like likes me back is the day that, I don't know, something miraculous happens.

Sorry about that...just been feeling very inadequate lately. Very much like nothing I am will ever be right for anyone. And it's difficult to talk about with people because very few people, especially people my age (or older, or sometimes younger), know what it's like to be almost 24 and never having the experience of mutual actual attraction with another person. Some people might say I can't really claim that any more, but...I can.

Ack I should stop typing before I say something really personal. Haha. Wouldn't want to do that now, would we?

Man. Sorry. Anyway. That's all for now. One of these days, maybe I'll post some fun pictures from recent events. Maybe.

Too fast, too soon, are we there yet?

It hit me today at church. Well, it hit me again.

I'm going to be leaving. Gone. Not here.

And soon.

In my head, August 15 is the date, but it's tentative. Somewhere around there is likely, though. And that means only, at most, 5 more Sundays at St. Gabes. Yeah, it's not perfect, yeah, it's not the Basilica, yeah, I don't care much for a lot of the music they choose to play. But for better or worse, it's been my spiritual home for the better part of the last year. Lately I've been looking around at the people, realizing that I've seen children grow over the last year, seen babies who are now months-old who I remember seeing as newborns. I recognize the people. I don't know them or talk to them, but they're familiar to me. And I'm going to miss them.

At most, 5 more weeks playing soccer with great people I've grown to care about. Well, six including today. I don't want to leave them. Some of them (who, admittedly, I'm not quite as close to) are military, and I have no idea what their schedules are so who knows if they'll still be here when I come back, either in two years or on breaks. If I get breaks to come back. And the rest of them, who knows where they'll be, what they'll be doing.

I have to say good bye to all of them, and leave for an unfamiliar place. An unfamiliar church. An unfamiliar school with unfamiliar people. Sure, eventually they'll all become familiar, and I'll grow to care about them, and I'll recognize the babies and children and old married couples at a new church. But then what? Who knows.

These weeks are going to fly by. And I don't want them to. I want the next two years to fly by, but I'm sure that in a few months I'll be wanting them to slow down. That's the game of life, just going wherever and however fast that river takes you. Who knows where you'll be when you stop, or just when the water calms down. Who knows who you'll be with. Who knows who you'll be. All you can do is hope and pray that you'll be where God wants you to be. If that's the case, then somehow, it'll all be ok.

Right now, though, all I want to do is hang on to everything here, and cry, and then never leave. It'll be fine. It'll be such a great experience. Logic can't always win over the feelings of the heart, though, and right now, today, this moment, my heart's beating logic hands-down. It'll pass, it always does. I like and depend on logic. But I am a girl, after all, and aren't we notorious for being illogical, emotional, and fickle? What I do know, though, is that - despite my attempts to the contrary - it's not really possible for me not to get attached to people. I like to think that I'm pretty strong and unreachable, but apparently people still manage to worm their way into my heart. And now I'm going to have to miss them, the meanies. I just hope I'm missed too. I guess it's nice to be missed. And it's nice to have people to miss.

Sorry. Guess I'm just in a reminiscy mood, which tends to put me into a melancholy mood, and I don't like thinking about the people I'm leaving. Especially my friends. For some reason it's not quite as sad to leave my family, maybe because I know they have to keep in touch with me, and I know where they'll be when I come home to visit (theoretically, and God willing). And I'm much more likely to talk to them for some reason. I like my family.

Anyhoo. I'm gonna go reminisce at Palmer Park now and think about how much I'll miss that place, too, because dude I love that place and I realized yesterday that it's been over a week since I've gone there and that's pretty much the longest I've gone without a Palmer Park visit in quite awhile. My little bit of heaven.

Can I admit something, Oh Internets?

So, there's this girl that my sister and I used to be best friends with from the ages (for me) of 3-13 or so, maybe a few more years after that. We live next door to her grandparents (one of whom died two? summers ago), and she spent a lot of time over there during her childhood, so we met her pretty much right away when we moved here. And we did all sorts of things together; I barely have a childhood summertime memory that doesn't involve her. She was right in between my sister and me in age, so it worked out well most of the time.

Anyway, her parents were divorced pretty much from when we first met her (I think, anyway - if not then, it was shortly thereafter), which of course had an effect on her. Eventually her mom remarried, a military guy, and there was a period of a year or two or three when they moved to Florida. We kept up through snail mail (the only mail available at the time, still), and then they moved back here for a few more years and we picked up right where we had left off. When I was in 7th grade, they moved again, this time to California, and this time they didn't come back. We took up writing again - we may have moved mostly to email by then - but correspondence grew fewer and further between. And then it was pretty much nonexistent. We did see each other once after that - my family drove out to California one summer, I think it might have been the summer after my 8th grade, but I'm not quite sure, and we managed to meet up with her for the day when we were around LA and got to spend a few hours with her, including the one and only time I've been to a Planet Hollywood. After that, though, it was pretty much all communication cut off. At some point, we found out that she had been back to visit in Colorado, but didn't tell us (me and my sister), and apparently, from what I remember, didn't even see her dad or any of her dad's family, including our next door neighbors. So, that was pretty sad.

From what I heard, she moved with her mom and stepdad to Virginia or somewhere like that at some point, and maybe to Florida, but I never really knew much beyond that. I think it seems as though her mom sort of...turned her away from her dad and anything associated with him, as it wasn't a particularly friendly divorce, if there is such a thing. But I don't really know the specifics of what happened, and at this point, she's 24 and can make her own decisions. When her grandmother died two years ago, she didn't even come back for the funeral, which seemed sort of like a slap in the face to the whole family, I think. Or maybe it wasn't really unexpected for them. I was surprised, though. I guess it's hard for me to imagine being in her situation, and going so many years without much, if any, contact with her father and a whole side of her family (a wonderful family, too). Just bizarre to me.

So here's the point of this post. A few years back, when my sister was sort of part of the crowd and had a Myspace (which I'm pretty sure she doesn't use anymore, and she refuses to join facebook, despite my telling her she should, hehe), she happened to find this former best friend of ours. Sent her a message. The next day, said former friend's page couldn't be found - perhaps she made it private and unsearchable? So, that was weird. Then a year or so ago, maybe a little bit more, I looked her up on facebook. Sent her a message - nothing scary, just "Hey, how's it going, it's been awhile" kind of thing. Nothing. It shouldn't have, but it made me sad. I shared a lot of my childhood with her, and she was really my first actual friend - and my best friend for a very long time. And then suddenly she moved away and cut me out of her life. (Me and a lot of other people, who should be more important to her.) And now, years later, she won't even return a friendly, casual message? So, whatever. This brings us to today, and the point of this post. I was thinking about her because one of her cousins just friended me on facebook (I see him occasionally when I play soccer with my young adult group on Sundays, and I've seen him a few times at his grandfather's place), so I looked her up again, and couldn't find her. And here's where the "admittance" part of this comes into play. I'm way too good at internet-stalking. Just for kicks, I googled her name, and the first thing that came up was a facebook page for someone with her first name but a different last name. I clicked on it just to see the picture, and it was her. So, apparently she's gotten married. And for some reason that's just...I don't know. I don't know what it is. But I do know that it's summer, so I'm remembering all those good times we had together, and I wish things hadn't happened the way they did. Maybe it's for the best, somehow, but still. It'd be nice to talk to her again sometime, just to see what she's doing these days, but obviously she's not going to return a message if I try to send her one again (plus, that would be admitting to her how creepy I am - because obviously I would have had to do some sort of minimal searching to find out her name now), so I guess I just have to let things be the way they are. I can't help but wonder if she even invited her dad, though. Can you imagine not inviting your own father to your wedding? I guess if you haven't seen or talked to him much for almost half your life, though, I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility. Who knows, maybe she did invite him. I hope she did.

But it's kinda sad. Out of all the friends I've ever had who are no longer really in my life, for whatever reason, she's the only one whose birthday I still know without even thinking about it. Maybe it's because we were friends for so long, but I haven't seen her in 10 years. I've been good friends with other people in older years, when remembering dates wouldn't seem as difficult, but I couldn't name more than maybe a month and somewhat close date for many of them. Every year on her birthday, though, I think about her, and wonder what she's up to. I guess all I can do is pray that she's doing well.

4th of July!

I love the 4th of July. It's always been one of my favorite holidays. Maybe because it's so...historical? Hard to say. All I know is, I've always loved it. Well, "always" in my more mature life, I guess...the past 7 years or so, let's say, at least. Anyway. I love it. Probably my favorite secular holiday. Definitely my favorite secular holiday. Even more than Thanksgiving. Also probably why I tend to be disappointed sometimes on the 4th, because I have such high expectations. This year, I had planned on going to my young adult group's barbecue, then going with them to fireworks up in Monument (since stupid Colorado Springs canceled the Memorial Park fireworks this year, since we voted not to raise taxes, and Memorial Park is always where I love to go because it's what I know and they have the Philharmonic play during the fireworks. I love it). But I sort of didn't really expect actually to see the fireworks, for whatever reason (maybe because it would have been a verrrrry long day had I done so, and the weather wasn't going to be particularly good today - and it wasn't, but apparently cleared up ok for the fireworks). So I wasn't too disappointed when we called it quits for the barbecue a little earlier than we might have, since we were all rather wet from playing soccer in the rain, and didn't necessarily plan to meet up for fireworks later. I was sort of happy because it meant I'd be able to go home and watch 1776 with my family, an annual tradition we have.

Seriously, if you haven't seen it, you really should. It's fantastic. Even if it is a musical. Very witty dialogue, and mostly keeps your attention (there are a few songs and scenes I could do without, but some of those are new additions to the DVD we got a year or two ago that weren't on the VHS we were watching for years before that). I mean, check out this one:



(For those in my generation who may have seen those shows: John Adams is played by none other than the actor who plays Mr. Feeny on Boy Meets World, and Thomas Jefferson is played by the actor who plays Ed Truck in a couple episodes of The Office. More like one episode and a picture in another, or something like that. Haha.)

But yes, it's a fantastic movie, and while perhaps not exactly historically accurate, is a pretty good representation of how that whole thing went down. haha. (Fun fact I learned on Thursday: John Adams wrote to his wife on July 3rd, 1776, saying that July 2nd would be remembered as an epoch in American history, because that was the day the Declaration was actually voted on by the Congress. But pretty much immediately, the 4th was celebrated because that was the day it was approved, or something like that. And most of the members didn't sign it until August 6, 1776, or so. Also, a few years after that, July 4th fell on a Sunday, so it was celebrated on the 5th. Back when Sundays were actually set aside as they should be. And, of course everyone knows this, but both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson died on July 4, 1826 - the 50th birthday of America. The only two signers to become presidents, too. And there's your history lesson for today. It's a good day to learn history.)

What a good day. Even without fireworks. (I watched some from Boston on TV. I guess that's close enough, right? Besides, half the time the whole fireworks thing ends up semi-depressing, because it always seems to be couples-central.) Maybe next year I'll be in DC on the 4th and will get to see that fireworks show. I'd assume it's a pretty good one there.

Admitting it is the first step toward recovery

I think I love baking.

That is all.

(Ok, not really all - it's not so much the baking as the anticipation and hope that it'll turn out well and will make people think I'm a good baker. Mostly the hope that they'll enjoy what I make. Sometimes it falls flat, though, but hopefully usually it doesn't. I need to be loved! And appreciated! And validated! And the way to do that? Through cookies.)


In other news, Nutmeg is cute and fun and great; I still miss Hazel every. single. day and would give so much to have her back; and my heart is so full of love for this place in which I've been blessed to live for over 20 years now. (The natural scenery, air, and water, at least. Traffic, noise, light pollution, and development on every piece of open land? Not so much.)

Tomorrow's Thursday, but Friday for me because I get the 3rd off (so grateful for that!), then Saturday is the 4th of July which is one of my favorite days but which will be different than usual because Memorial Park, my typical go-to place on the 4th for years, is having a big fat nothing going on that day. The fireworks show they always have (except the one year we were in a big drought and they did some laser light show instead, and my family - and a lot of the rest of the city - went to the Sky Sox game (local minor league team, feeder for the Rockies) which included a great fireworks show afterward. Biggest crowd they ever had up to that point) was canceled this year, in punishment for us not voting for increased taxes. And the philharmonic, one of the best parts of the fireworks show, is playing on the 3rd during a fireworks show at Fort Carson or something like that, but nothing on the 4th. So instead, my friends and I are planning on going to Palmer Lake (Monument) to watch their non-canceled show. Hopefully that'll be fun.

And now I'm tired because it's late because I made cookies. I made snickerdoodles. I hope they taste good.