A joke, or reality?

So, today I changed my facebook status. (Alert the presses, right?) I wrote that I'd rather give up coffee for the rest of my life than call Barack Obama my president. I was just sort of joking, since my last status was about the fact that I only had a week left before I can drink coffee again (I'm waiting until next Wednesday).

The more I think about it, though, the more I wonder if maybe I should give up coffee if Obama is elected. (I guess that's sort of not quite what the status is saying, but that's not the point.) Not just because he's elected, but because of what it would mean for the pro-life movement (and what it would mean is moving back 35 or so years). Maybe I should give up coffee until abortion becomes illegal in America.

I love coffee. I miss it desperately. But it's certainly not hurting me not to drink it, and probably in the long run is helping me. Not drinking coffee has led to me cutting back drastically on my soda intake (I haven't had soda at all this week, I think), and cutting down caffeine intake to nearly zero has to be a good thing, right? And every time I think about how much I want a pumpkin spice latte, and coming up the gingerbread lattes (oh, how I love those), I'll remember the thousands of babies who will die today because their mothers chose to kill them. So I guess, if that's why I'm giving up coffee, it wouldn't matter who's elected. But...I miss my coffee. Sigh. Well, I have a few days to think about it at least.

But speaking of this, I came across this post today. It's a beautifully written article about a woman who's had to spend some of her pregnancy lying on her side, in an attempt to keep the baby inside her, who pro-abortion people would have been willing to kill. She talks about the team of doctors who are trying to make sure this baby gets through the whole pregnancy and is born healthy and whole, or at the very least, born. Alive. While on the other end of the spectrum there are doctors who kill these same babies for no good reason, because it's never a good reason. It's so incomprehensible.


Anyway, in other, less serious news, I just spent the entire night, literally, trying to find a good idea for a Halloween costume for a party I'm going to tomorrow night. That's right, me, going to a Halloween party. I hope it'll be fun. But man I wish I could get my hands on some sort of 50s style dress or skirt and blouse or something. That'd be super fun. I have a few options right now, expanded thanks to a quick look in my mom's closet (mid-70s prom dress, anyone?), and my brother and dad really want me to go as a goth girl. There are a few other things I'm thinking about as well. Obviously the more accessories I have and don't have to buy, the better. I have until tomorrow night to decide, so we'll see. But if I could find something 50s, I'd be all over that in a minute. They had such cute fashions back then. Sigh. I wish we could go back to the days when women wore mostly dresses. I know I could start wearing only dresses and skirts, but a) sometimes they're hard to find in lengths and styles that are good, appropriate, and at least semi-flattering, and b) since it's not that common anymore, I'd probably stick out a bit. I mean, I love some of the fashions in, say, Anne of Green Gables, but dude I could never wear them because, well, I'd look like I fell out of the 1910s. And dresses just seem too dressy sometimes, because they're not often worn outside of dressy-required places.

Anyway. Digressing. Point is, I'm actually dressing up for Halloween this year. I think the last time that happened was in...junior year of high school, when I was doing this after-school quartet thing and we had a gig playing in the foyer of the Pikes Peak Center on or around Halloween, so we had to dress up. I ended up going to rent an outfit, and I was Snow White. Have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of dressing up in costumes? Yeah. Oh well.


So, we have a pretty sweet gig at Aquinas and More. We get a discount, of course, which is super awesome, but we also get a monthly gift certificate so we can get resources to help us grow in the knowledge of the faith and whatnot. Since I typically like to wait long periods of time before making purchases (except in Target, for some reason. What is it about that place that just makes me spend, spend, spend sometimes?), I've used maybe...I think just one of these gift certificates since I started. And not even the full amount. (Well, all but like a dollar or something.) I've bought a few things, but I forget about the gift certificates a lot of the time. Anyway, recently I decided I really want to get the In Conversation with God series. My prayer life really needs some help, and having something like that to direct me is a must, right now at least. Initially I was thinking I'd just get the whole series instead of individually, but recently I decided to get them separately. Since I have some gift certificates saved up, and since I get a discount, buying the whole series at once probably wouldn't cost much out of pocket. It's cheaper to get the whole series in the set than to get them individually. But, since I do get a discount, it doesn't really matter. Anyway, the point is, I bought the first volume today. And now I'm going to have to be getting the fifth volume tomorrow, I think, because in my excitement I overlooked (or just ignored, or didn't think about) the fact that volume one starts with Advent. I knew that, but I guess I'm already practically in Advent mode since it's that time of year. So if I want to start using that series, I'll have to wait a month. Instead, I'll be impatient and get the volume that I can use now.

I also bought the November and December Magnificats. (Which also means that I can't start using it right away, but November is barely a day away. Crazy.) It was my intention at some point to subscribe, and maybe I still will, but the first month I tried using it, I had a hard time keeping up with it. I need to shuffle some things around in my life though to make sure that my prayer time isn't squeezed into the last minutes I'm awake, as tends to happen right now. So I'm giving it another shot, and then maybe I'll subscribe in December or January. And just so that everything I got wasn't just something prayer-related and overwhelming, I also got Advent and Christmas with Fulton J. Sheen (ok, I guess that's sort of prayer-related too), which I'm excited to start reading (it's got reflections from him for each day of Advent and the 12 days of Christmas), and I got God's Call to Women. Good stuff. (I also got a 2009 planner, which is nice and small, has lots of prayers in the back as well as all the mysteries of the rosary, and has my absolute favorite picture on it.)

Anyway. Catholic things are so fun.

Another post (and all those issues) to be ignored by the world at large.

I realized one reason why I just can't stand to have people belittle the issue of abortion, or belittle the Catholic Church. It's the same reason that (in movies, at least; I'm not sure if this ever happens in real life) people start fighting because of Yo Mama jokes. In fact, it's exactly that. Because the Church is our mother. I had never really thought of it like this before, but on Saturday in a talk Bishop Conley gave, he said that the Church is a she and not an it; a mother and teacher, not a religious corporation. And it hurts me to have my mother, whom I love with all my heart, made fun of, the teachings she's given me and countless others for two thousand years trampled upon.

And with abortion, I simply can't comprehend how people can make fun of that issue. How people can say that the lives of helpless babies aren't important. How people can say they don't even count as babies. Or, perhaps, agree that they're living beings, but less important beings than their mothers. It doesn't make sense to me. It seems like such an obvious thing. I mean, aren't the eggs of endangered species (who have eggs, obviously) protected just like the adult versions of those species? Why should it be any different with humans? I especially, especially can't understand women who have had children themselves who are pro-choice. Obviously I've never had children, don't know what it's like to be pregnant, don't know any of that. But from what I've heard, it changes you. To an incredible degree. To the point where you know you'd do absolutely anything to protect your child, born or unborn. So how can you go through that and still think it permissible for other women legally to kill their own unborn children?

This is going way off the subject of what I wanted to say, but I wonder what the early feminists (Susan B Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, etc) would say if they knew what women were doing and calling for under the guise of feminism today. From what I've read and understand, they were all very much against abortion, and probably wouldn't be able to comprehend how it's become such an issue of "women's rights" now. I've also heard that at least Susan B Anthony, if not the rest as well, was against birth control because it takes away a woman's true calling, turns women into sexual objects and not women as women were meant to be. And that is oh so true. Contraception and abortion (one directly leads to the other, and they're so tied up together, which is why we need to get rid of both) have taken away any responsibility men have. They are released from the responsibilities they otherwise would have to deal with, and really should deal with. We're turning (well, have turned) into a nation without any sort of culpability for our actions. And it's not good. It's awful, really, what abortion (and contraception) have done to society.

This past weekend I went to a conference in Denver, the Archdiocese's annual (apparently - I had never heard of it before, and it was pretty much by luck that I heard about it this time around) Gospel of Life conference. And, lo and behold, it happened to be on pretty much my favorite topic - Humanae Vitae. Oh, how I love that encyclical. Hm, I guess I've already mentioned that I was going to the conference. So anyway. I went. And it was great. I was going to write up a blog post about it, better than this one, but when I tried I realized it was hard to make it flow right. Plus, no one cares and everyone is sick of me talking about this stuff already. But...it's so important. Especially with the question of contraception, people tend to brush it off and think of it as "not a big deal." But it is a big deal. It's a very big deal. And I realize that I can only talk about it from a certain viewpoint (the viewpoint of never really having to live out any of the stuff in Humanae Vitae, being quite single and all that), but that doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about. If that were the case, then why are there male OB/GYNs? I mean, what do men really know about any of that, beyond what they learn and read and experience through others?

Anyway, so the conference. Bishop Conley gave a great talk, and I now love him. (I had no real knowledge of him or anything prior to this weekend, other than that he was ordained a bishop in...May?ish, and is the Auxiliary Bishop in Denver.) Archbishop Chaput also said a few things, both before and after Bishop Conley's talk, and he also presided over the Mass, and now I really love him. I already loved him for everything he's said the past few months, and everything I had heard about him, but wow. He's amazing. They're both so smart, and so wonderful. It's so great, too, to know that there are such solidly Catholic men leading the Catholics of Denver (not to take away from Bishop Sheridan here in the Springs, who I also happen to think is great). And, really, they're great voices for Catholics everywhere to hear. (Speaking of which, last I heard, over 100 bishops in the country have spoken out about the importance of voting pro-life in this election. That's very much a good chunk of the bishops here, which is so great to hear.)

Again, back to the conference. After Conley, we were privileged to hear Dr. Alice von Hildebrand. It must be nice to be an 85 year old woman and being past the point of caring if you offend someone. Especially if it's offending them with the truth. People need to be offended by the truth. Too many people tiptoe around issues, so that those who don't really know never really find out the truth. Anyway. She made no secret of what she thinks of feminism today (I believe she referred to them as idiots), and thinks that today's fashions and clothes are disgusting, and she even managed to make fun of Obama (although she didn't mention him by name), and his superhuman ability to fix the world if he's elected president. She talked a lot about the nature of men vs women, and how they're complementary and feminism is trying to make them the exact same. She talked about how feminism has not only managed to distort what it is to be a woman, but it's effectively torn down what it is to be a man, so that men aren't really men anymore. She mentioned that the problem in our country, in society today, is immorality. Not the economy. All great kingdoms and empires were destroyed because they were rich and filled with moral decadence. We need to try to steer clear of the path that so many before us have gone down (and, hint, voting for Obama is not the way to avoid that path). She also focused a great deal on Mary, and how important Mary is for combating all these evils that the devil is throwing at us on a daily, hourly, second(ly?) basis. I most certainly am not giving justice to her great talk, but she was so great, and I love her.

After lunch there was a panel discussion for people to ask questions of Dr. Hildebrand, Bishop Conley, and Christian and Christine Meert (who are the head of the Office of Marriage and Family Life here in the Springs diocese. I had heard/read their names before, heard of them, but I had no idea they came over here from France 10 years ago or so, recognizing a call to minister to engaged couples in the Rocky Mountain area. They have an amazing story of conversion and change of heart and all that (they lived together before getting married, and even had an abortion). I loved hearing their perspective of things, especially regarding how terrible the situation is in Europe. Worse than here. Hard to imagine, but we're heading in exactly that same direction. One thing they said that was utterly depressing to me was that something like 95% of the couples who come to them for marriage prep (so, presumably, at least somewhat Catholic) are sexually active. Ugh. I mean, I know that statistic is out there, but I hate that no one seems to care or think that sex is that big a deal. How did we ever get to this point? Anyway. It was a very interesting panel discussion, depending on the questions. (The first one was about the prevalence of cohabitation, and it was discussed by the panelists for awhile. It's an important thing to discuss, but it seems almost impossible to combat because it's just so entrenched in our culture now. All of these evils are.)

Speaking of culture, at one point Dr. Hildebrand mentioned that it peeves her to hear the word "culture" being used in the sense that I just used it, because as her husband would say, we have no culture anymore. And it might have been in a separate context than the culture thing, but she also talked about how we don't know what beauty is anymore. And it's so true. All our buildings (as she mentioned) are horribly ugly, fashions are awful, songs are just garbled messages. People used to sit and listen to orchestral entertainment. Some people still do, but all the popular music is just all this crap that's put out that doesn't mean anything and doesn't do anything. People who compose multi-instrument pieces are geniuses. Kelly Clarkson? Not so much.

Oh, and just so you don't think that I'm all "contraception bad. NFP, aka Catholic contraception, good", someone brought up the point at the conference (a point which I am all for, by the way) that even within NFP, there is too much of a contraceptive mentality used. I am of the opinion, and I think the Church in general is the same (not necessarily the majority of the people who are part of the Church), that unless there is a very grave reason, trying for children shouldn't be postponed once a couple gets married. I think most at the conference would agree with this, that part of being married in the Church is procreation, and getting married when the couple isn't yet ready to have children is maybe not the best idea. And it's sort of a difficult thing to bring up, because no one wants to say to the good Catholic couple practicing NFP so that they can wait to have kids until they're done with college or med school or until this that or the other, "You're not really following God's teaching." But no one said God's teaching was easy. I mean, at least there's the fact that those practicing NFP will most likely be more open and happy about an unplanned pregnancy. But I do think that, for many people, NFP is sort of used as a default. It's still that issue of illusive control that we want (hence the prevalent use of birth control). We're not willing to let go and just trust God. But again, what do I know.

Anyway. This post is already ridiculously off-course, and waaaaaaay longer than I was meaning, and it's waaaaaay later than I should be up (especially writing a stupid blog post that five people will read and no one will care about), but these issues, and the beautiful Church, are so deeply a part of me that I can't just let people manipulate and disparage them.

So, um, sorry.

(Oh, and if you want to hear the two talks and the panel discussion, they're up at the Archdiocese website. And are highly recommended by this friendly neighborhood blogger.)

Look. Just look.

Seriously. Go look.

Someday, this country will mourn collectively for what we've done. Let's not add on to the years and decades we'll already have to regret.

Because like it or not, voting for Obama is the exact same thing as voting for this to continue. That's all there is to it.

And that is unacceptable.

We need to stand up against this, not just Catholics, but as a country. Catholic teaching is important, but one doesn't have to be Catholic to know that killing the most innocent Americans (or citizens of any country) is intrinsically, inherently, inescapably evil. There is no other way around it.

And voting for the candidate who holds the most extreme views on abortion of any candidate in history, as far as I'm aware, is not going to stop or reduce abortions. It makes no sense, none at all, to say "Well, I'm against abortion, but Roe v Wade is a lost cause so we should focus our efforts elsewhere, and thus I'm voting for the guy with the socialist healthcare plan and ideals." And then expect that abortions will magically go down when this guy gets into office and signs the Freedom of Choice Act, which will take away every single restriction on abortion that has been made law, both state and federal, since Roe v Wade was passed. Including restrictions on government funding. Meaning that when this act gets signed, I'll be paying for abortions with my taxes. It's also going to take federal funding away from crisis pregnancy centers (because they try to reduce abortions. We can't be having that!).

I hope those who haven't voted yet and are planning on voting for Obama realize the evil they're helping by doing so. Especially the Catholics, who have no excuses. None.

Tomorrow, tomorrow

Tomorrow, after work, assuming I remember and don't just do my typical go home routine out of habit, I will drive down Union and make my first visit to a real, live YARN STORE. Not just a Michaels or Hobby Lobby (or Walmart, or that other Walmart-ish type store in South Bend that we don't have here, and of which I now can't remember the name). A real one. I've never done this before, and don't know what to expect (although I do expect the yarn to be more expensive, but also nicer), and I'm not even sure what colors or amounts I'm getting.

But I'm going. I'm going, and I'm getting supplies to knit my first blanket (for real-sized people, not little people like my nephews are).

I'm excited. I haven't really done much knitting in awhile.

Also? I paid off my credit cards today (Kohls and regular). That's always a nice feeling. Also nice to know that I still have almost $1000 in my bank account after that. I actually have money for once. Yes, I don't have that many bills to pay at the moment (my parents are far too generous), and student loans will start coming due within the next month, but it's nice to start from this end, and to be continuously making money now. Hm. If I do, by some miraculous chance, get into JPII Institute and move (temporarily) to DC, can I get my student loans deferred again, since I'll be back in school? I think so, but I'm not sure. I'll have to check on that. When the time comes. Which it probably won't. But I'm going to try anyway. Anyway, point is, yay for having bills paid off. I've been trying to spend less money lately (although my credit card bill was quite a bit higher than I'd prefer, but then I don't think I paid it off in full last month, so that makes it not as bad as it seems). I haven't been buying lunch most days, taking soup or leftovers or a frozen meal instead. Although sometimes those frozen meals probably cost about as much as I'd pay for buying lunch out anyway. I like to believe they're a little healthier, though.

But then I'm going to go buy all this yarn and stuff tomorrow. My plan is for it to be a Christmas present (although to whom, I haven't quite decided yet). And one of these days my supply of contacts is going to run out and I'm going to have to go to America's Best or something (I don't have vision or dental on my insurance right now), so that'll cost some money too. Everything costs money.

But I'm not going to let that get me down right now. I just pulled out the packet of information I got last year from the JPII Institute (believe it or not, I knew exactly what box of random crap to look in, and what bag in that box to look for. I may be disorganized with my stuff, but for the most part, I know exactly where to look for what I want). I wish I weren't so excited and hopeful about this. Sigh. But I am.

And, the knitting.

This is what so many people are voting for.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Today is the day to start a novena for the election, to finish on election day. There's one here. Or there's this one, a novena to Our Lady of Victory, which can (should?) also be followed by a Rosary.

Novena to Our Lady of Victory

Lord, have mercy on us,
Christ, have mercy on us,
Christ, hear us,
Christ, graciously hear us.
God, the Father of Heaven, Have mercy on us.
God, the Son, Redeemer of the world, Have mercy on us.
God, the Holy Spirit, Have mercy on us.
Holy Trinity, One God, Have mercy on us.

The response for the following greetings is Pray for us.

Our Lady of Victory,
Victorious daughter of the Father,
Victorious Mother of the Son,
Victorious Spouse of the Holy Spirit,
Victorious servant of the Holy Trinity
Victorious in your Immaculate Conception,
Victorious in crushing the serpent’s head,
Victorious over all the children of Adam,
Victorious over all enemies,
Victorious in your response to the Angel Gabriel,
Victorious in your wedding to St. Joseph,
Victorious in the birth of Christ,
Victorious in the flight to Egypt,
Victorious in your exile,
Victorious in your home at Nazareth,
Victorious in finding Christ in the temple,
Victorious in the mission of your Son,
Victorious in His passion and death,
Victorious in His Resurrection and Ascension,
Victorious in the Coming of the Holy Spirit,
Victorious in your sorrows and joys,
Victorious in your glorious Assumption,
Victorious in the angels who remained faithful,
Victorious in the happiness of the saints,
Victorious in the message of the prophets,
Victorious in the testimony of the patriarchs,
Victorious in the zeal of the apostles,
Victorious in the witness of the evangelists,
Victorious in the wisdom of the doctors,
Victorious in the deeds of the confessors,
Victorious in the triumph of all holy women,
Victorious in the faithfulness of the martyrs,
Victorious in your powerful intercession,
Victorious under your many titles,
Victorious at the moment of death,

Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, Spare us, Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, Hear us, Lord.
Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world, Have mercy, Lord.
Pray for us, blessed Lady of Victory.
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

The Novena Prayer

Let us pray:

Our Lady of Victory, we have unshaken confidence in your influence with your Son, our Lord, Jesus Christ. Humbly we ask your intercession for all of us associated under your title, Our Lady of Victory.
We beg your powerful assistance also for our own personal needs. (Please mention here your special intention in you own words.) In your maternal kindness please ask Jesus to forgive all our sins and failings, and to secure His blessings for us and for all the works of charity dedicated to your name. We implore you to obtain for us the grace of sharing Christ’s victory and yours forever in the life that knows no ending. May we join you there to praise forever the Father, His Son, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, one God, for all the ages to come. Amen.

Salve Regina (Hail Holy Queen)

Let us pray:

Hail Holy Queen, Mother of Mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope.
To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To Thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.
Turn, then, most gracious advocate, thine eyes of mercy toward us.
And after this, our exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of Thy womb, Jesus.
O clement, O loving, O sweet Virgin Mary,
Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God:
That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ.

Let us pray:

The Memorare

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that any one who fled to Thy protection, implored Thy help, and sought Thy intercession, was left unaided. Inspired with this confidence, I fly unto Thee, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To Thee I come; before Thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate! despise not my petitions, but in Thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.

All this we ask of The Father in the name of Mary’s Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ who lives and reigns with Him and the Holy Spirit forever and ever. Amen.

Prayer To Our Lady of Victory

Let us pray:

O Victorious Lady! Thou who has ever such powerful influence with Thy Divine Son, in conquering the hardest of hearts, intercede for those for whom we pray, that their hearts being softened by the rays of Divine Grace, they may return to the unity of the true Faith, through Christ, our Lord. Amen.

"It's 9pm. Do you know where your children are?"

"I told you last night, NO!"

hahaha, oh Simpsons (back in the good ol' days. I haven't watched a (new) episode of the Simpsons in years, except for maybe a few scattered here and there. But anyway).

It's 9pm. I'm seriously considering going to bed now, or soon. I'm tempted to work on that post I mentioned yesterday (which really won't be as exciting or doozy-ish as I led you to believe. Is it doozie or doozy? Maybe it's either), but I'm also just so tired. I haven't been getting enough sleep lately (story of my life), and life in general is just kicking my butt right now. It's nothing really that major, it's just me being my overdramatic pessimistic easily depressed self, and I really don't have cause to be complaining like I have been (here and to real people). I'm just in a funk, and I really would like to get out of it, but I'm not sure how to do that. There is one thing that never fails to help make me feel better, and that's Hazel and taking her for long walks in the beautiful city where I'm privileged to live. Another is hugs, but I just don't get enough of those. (But my mommy gives like the best hugs ever, so at least I have that going for me, which is nice.)

Anyway. So right now, sleep seems to be the best prescription. I wanted to get some work done (like, work for work, because I feel like I need to catch up on some things), but yesterday was basically shot, and today...I don't even know. I probably should have done something today. Maybe I'll do a little bit before I hit the sack. Try to make it so I'm in bed, like, lying down and trying to fall asleep, by 10pm. If I did that I could get like 9 hours of sleep. How glorious that would be. I won't manage that, but 10:30 is definitely doable. Maybe if I manage 10:30, I'll be able to make myself get up at 6:30 and take Hazel. Even though it'll still be dark...but maybe I'll see the sunrise. Mmm.

Oh. And I've decided I need at least to apply to the JPII Institute. No harm in that, right? I'm also considering maybe applying to the ND MTS (Masters in Theological Studies) program. My chances of getting that are crazy-slim (I think it's pretty competitive, and I don't know how many people they take but I don't think it's a lot, because it's all paid for. As in, those who get accepted don't have to pay for it.) However, me being me, I'm going to find all sorts of reasons why I shouldn't even bother applying (because they'll never accept me). So, if you know me, and if I happen to mention this to you, tell me to stop being stupid and just to apply. To do the best I can with the application and to leave it in God's hands from there.

I'm just nervous because I was thinking about it, seriously, again today, and I started to get excited at the prospect. Much as I hate the thought of leaving Colorado again for two years, I really sort of like the idea. Even though it is DC, a big city, of which I'm not a huge fan in general. But the idea of DC excites me. And the idea of this school excites me. And, to be honest, I do sort of miss being in school in general. And learning. I guess I'm too lazy to learn on my own now. I think I would probably try to move there for the two years, instead of coming home summers (well, I guess it'd only be one summer) and such. So that'd be an interesting experience that I might like to have. And, I don't know, something about it just feels so right. Which is why I think I should apply, even though I don't feel qualified or good enough to be accepted. I mean, my GPA wasn't stellar (3.5whatever isn't exactly something to brag about), and I just read today that it's preferable if an applicant (to the program I'm especially interested in doing) had at least 12 hours of philosophy during undergrad. I think I only had...well, 6 that I can think of, but possibly a few of my theos were also crosslisted with philo. Not sure if that counts though. Plus I'm concerned about professors I would ask for references. I know of at least one to ask, who said he would love to write one for me if I applied (but he was telling me I need to apply to the ND MTS program, but I assume he'd be ok writing one for somewhere else. I hope...), and I have one or two I could ask but I don't know how well they know me. I need three. I'm not sure how much these references factor into things. At least my GRE is a pretty good score. (I think. I don't even really remember, but I'm pretty sure it was definitely a lot higher than I expected.)

So, to recap, I feel like it might be something God's calling me to do, based on a few factors and the fact that ever since I first heard about this place I haven't been able to get it fully out of my head, and it keeps coming back. And I guess if I apply and don't get in, I'll know that it's not really what God wants me to do. (And if that's the case...well, I don't really want to think that far ahead.)

I really miss my little tiny senior year single. I loved that room.

Ok. Going to bed soon. Seriously.

Ok then...

Today, I was in the car with my brother, who was driving us to Best Buy. We were stopped at a light where we would be turning right, but there was one car in front of us going straight and the light was red. When it turned green, this girl just sat there, not moving, and some people turning left (who would normally wait for the people going straight, such as this girl) just turned. My brother honked at her like three times, then just held the horn, and she flipped him off and finally started to drive.

Sorry, lady, I guess we didn't realize that you control the road, and we're sorry we actually wanted to go when the light turned green. How dare we.


(Sometimes, people really baffle me.)

Heads up.

Oh man guys, get ready for a doozy of a post, coming soon to a computer near you.

Something.

So, tonight I was playing with Hazel, running around the house (which, I think, is one of those things that mothers always tell children not to do, but my mom didn't tell me not to tonight, so the following is all her fault), chasing her with the ball, then running the other direction so she'd chase me, etc. Good times. Except one time I managed to whack my arm on the edge of one of the chairs in the dining room, right on the fleshy part of the top, sort of in the middle. It hurt. A lot, sort of. And now my whole right arm is sore, and it hurts to move my wrist around. But it feels more like a sore muscle than anything, so I'm not too concerned. Actually I'm not concerned at all, don't really care, and am only posting about it because I have literally nothing else to say.

And I felt like blogging.

So...there.

Oh, ok, here's something (except not even close). I finally saw Indiana Jones 4 tonight. It was pretty much what I expected, and I knew the "twist" or whatever at the end (and the little one towards the middle, but I'm pretty sure everyone knew that one). But man, it was so cheesy there at the end, even knowing sort of what was going to happen. And it was utterly predictable, the whole thing (beyond what I had already heard). I guess that's true of any movie like that, though. Oh, and the special effects? Overall, not so great. But what do I know, right?

Speaking of movie effects, go here, click the "listen to" button or whatever it says, and tell me if you recognize it. I'd bet good money that everyone who reads this (and, really, pretty much anyone in general) has heard that before. My brother and I like to laugh about it, because it's funny, and it's used everywhere. And there are so many places that it could be used, too.

I also have figured out one of the reasons I'm so hesitant even to consider going to the JPII Institute. And I have to say, it's a ridiculous one. But I don't think I'm going to share here, because it's just too pathetic.

Tomorrow I'm going to this, and I'm very excited about it, despite the fact that it means I have to wake up in time to leave here by like 7am at the latest. That's early. Especially for a Saturday. The one day a week I ever get to sleep in, if that. But I'm really super-duper-uber excited. And the start time of 8am is actually for Mass, with the main celebrant being Archbishop Chaput. I've never gone to a Mass said by him, so that should be great. Hm I have to remember to bring some sort of writing utensil and some sort of writing tablet...I better get that together now because I certainly won't remember at 6:30am when I'm getting ready to go...Of course, sometimes it seems almost pointless to go to things like that, because it's basically preaching to the choir as far as I go. Not to mention the fact that, as far as Humanae Vitae goes, there's not a whole lot I can do...but whatever, it's pretty much my pet subject anyway, and I'm excited. Why do I always try to make myself not excited about things that I should be excited about? (Because if I'm not excited, it can't be disappointing.) Anyway. So I hope tomorrow's a good day.

Even though the ND game is on ESPN2, which we don't get, and it's on at 6 which means I wouldn't be able to watch all of it anyway because I have tickets to the philharmonic at 8. We'd better win. We're playing Washington, which (in case you're unaware) is coached by none other than the infamous Tyrone Willingham, ND coach from...2001? to 2004, my 6-6 freshman year. What an awful excuse for a coach he is. And even though, in his fourth year at Washington now, he's doing awfully, Notre Dame still gets crap for firing him after only three years despite him having a 5 year contract (we're racist, you know, and it's just because he is black and had nothing to do with the fact that he couldn't coach a cat out of a box). Anyway. So we'd better win.

There. Now I'm done.

Puppy Picture Post (and me, unfortunately)

The weather outside is lovely. (And dude! I just discovered a way to move between tabs using the keyboard! I knew there was a way, I just hadn't figured it out. Oh man. How sweet!) Nice and cold and windy (I don't really like wind, but I'm ok with it right now). I took Hazel for a wonderful walk after work today, all bundled up of course (although it wasn't too cold, probably around 40 or something but a little less with the wind chill). It put me in such a good mood, unsurprisingly.

I even had a photo shoot session with Hazel. Outside. On a bench next to the path.

(Whoops, too much zoom.)

She was clearly so not into it. There were squirrels to look for, and blowing leaves to chase.

And of course I had to take the boring nature shots.

(I love the way that this tree goes from being yellow in the front to green in the back. So cool.)

Mmm. I loves me some Colorado. I'm also uploading a bunch of pictures I've taken over the last month or so. A couple from my birthday. Some from when I went to the zoo a few weekends ago. A lot of Hazel. Like this one.

Aw, look at that poopila-puppila. At this point she was saying to me, "Ok, we went for a walk, now it's time to get this car moving and get home. Stop taking pictures of me already." And then I took about seven more. Haha.

Ok. I'm done now. Go check out more if you're uber-bored.

See? Life's good. And Hazel makes me so happy.

No puppies were harmed during the taking of these pictures.

Some clarification from more bishops.

Here's a short post.

The USCCB has issued a press release. (Full statement available here; press release summarizes the statement."

The opening line? "Our faith requires us to oppose abortion on demand and to provide help to mothers facing challenging pregnancies." A quote from Cardinal Justin Rigali.

The whole thing is a great statement that should be required reading for all Catholics.

Roe v Wade isn't written into American law for the rest of the life of the country. It can still be overturned. It's possible.

Pro-lifers aren't only concerned with legislation to make abortion illegal. We care about making circumstances for pregnant women much better, too, despite what some pro-choicers and Democrats might say.

As the bishops say, "The law is a teacher, and Roe taught many women, physicians and others that abortion is an acceptable answer to a wide range of problems." YES.

There. Short and sweet. (Seriously. Bishops coming out with statements like these are such music to my poor, battered, tired ears.)

My name is Susie, and I am anti-woman.

I love it when people say Sarah Palin is anti-woman.

Anti-radical feministic tendencies? Maybe.

Anti-femininity (and true feminism)? Not so much.

Know who is truly anti-woman? Obama.

Don't believe me? Read this.

If Obama gets elected and has his way, there will be no restrictions on women in combat. Women will be included in drafts.

Don't see how that's anti-women? Maybe you should learn why women and men were created separately. Why they're not the same. What exactly a woman is. Women weren't created for war. Not to mention that anyone who truly believes that women should be women would have huge problems with abortion. Abortion hurts women, just like it hurts the babies, just like it hurts society.

Being pro-abstinence only education does not equate being anti-woman. (Not sure how some people jump to that conclusion, but they do.) Also, abstinence-only education would work if people believed in it, and didn't think it was just some crackpot idea schemed up by those sexist Catholics as a way to keep people in line and to keep women down. If people actually believed that sex is something sacred that should be saved, and if they were held accountable for what they did, and if they were taught to have morals and responsibilities, maybe it would have some success. Yeah, people aren't perfect, everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes people get caught up in the moment, all that. Sure. But in today's culture, having sex just isn't a big deal, no one makes it a big deal, and if you do make it a big deal then you're overreacting and you're casting stones and you're just plain overzealous. Because God forbid someone actually inform people of natural and moral law, and try to spread the teachings of Christ (beyond the touchy-feely "Jesus loves everyone! Everything's fine! No one can judge anyone, because we're all sinners and there are so many other worse things out there!") Why does no one seem to know that those places that are dealing with AIDS epidemics and have gone to more of an abstinence-only policy are the countries in which the numbers of people with AIDS has gone down. The countries that are All Condoms All the Time? Yeah, I don't think they've seen a lot of success. It's the mindset that has to change. And sometimes you have to be the impetus that will cause people to change their mindsets. They're not going to change on their own, typically. There needs to be some sort of catalyst, whether that be a law or something else.

Hm. Tangent much? Sigh. I just wish people understood. I spent a lot of time in college studying all the issues and teachings of the Church that are quite unpopular (and yet are, in some cases, the most black and white...). I see how they all fit together. I see how this one complements that one and they both tie into this other one. And it hurts when I see people say "Abortion is bad, but there are so many worse things to worry about that we can actually change" and "Sex really isn't that bad, God doesn't care that much" and "Who cares if we use contraception? A bunch of old men in Rome don't understand and can't control me. God doesn't care." So many people put a lot of words into God's mouth. God doesn't care about people having sex before marriage? Try reading the Bible. Abortion isn't as important right now in light of all the other issues? Try thinking logically about that one. I won't even go into contraception because no one wants to hear the Church's teaching on that. Teaching that does come from God, whether or not you want to believe it.

Here's the crazy thing. People say that Obama is for the common good. How can he be for the common good when he's not willing to fight for a portion of the people in this country? Abortion goes directly against the common good, unless you're unwilling to admit that unborn children count in the definition of "common". Being so virulently pro-abortion (whether people want to admit it or not) doesn't go well with a notion of common good. It's like saying, "Well, sure, all these babies are going to be murdered, but you know what? I'm going to fix the economy! And I'm going to solve global warming (which, geez, have you checked the world temperature charts lately? They're going down the last few years, despite all this crap that OMG we're all going to FRY!)! And I'll end terrorism, and the war, and we'll all live in big pots of gold at the end of rainbows!" All right so maybe I'm letting my frustration get the better of me there. But basically, what people are saying is that they think it's worth it to kill a few (hundreds of thousands, millions) of babies because life will be so much better under Obama. And hey, maybe if we're lucky the 23% or so of women who get abortions because of financial problems won't get them.

And please. Don't tell me that pregnancy out of wedlock is still stigmatized, and that's why women get abortions. Maybe to a small degree, maybe in some places, maybe for some people, but it's no longer any great scandal when people get pregnant before they get married. Heck, in Hollywood that's the expected order, so it's not much further behind that the vast majority of the country will follow that order too. If people even bother with the marriage part.

Our society is so messed up. We have women who willingly let their babies be killed within their own bodies, and then we have other women who can't get pregnant so they hire someone else's womb to carry a child. None of it makes sense. Children have become such a commodity to be "taken care of" or to be "acquired" at all cost. And when the concept of true womanhood has gone completely out the door, how is any of it supposed to be fixed? Women in this country have come to see themselves as, well, something that I don't think we're necessarily meant to be. And men go along with it too. Motherhood, whether it's a wanted baby or not, is one of the most magnificent, marvelous, miraculous things that God gave us. The concept of womanhood has been so twisted that women just don't understand that the baby within them isn't an inconvenience that can simply be gotten rid of. It should be something to be cherished and protected at all cost, even if the woman in question makes the incredibly courageous choice to give that child up for adoption once born. That baby is always a gift from God, no matter the circumstances of conception.

You know, people talk a lot about how un-pro-life Bush and the Republicans are because he (and they) supports capital punishment and he "sends people off to war on a whim." Which results in death, in some cases. And they use this as a justification to vote for the pro-choice (pro-abortion) candidate, who won't be pro-capital punishment and war. There are a few huge oversights here, however. Firstly, have you ever noticed the little button I have on the side of my blog? No, not the sweet sweet Astronomy Pic of the Day. The one that currently says "Since the start of the Iraq War 7,233,716 American children have died from abortion." That's over 7 million, people. Not to take away from the Americans who have died in the Iraq War, or the convicted people who are killed through the death penalty. I'm no fan of the death penalty. I might (might) agree that there are very few cases in which it's necessary, but for the most part, I disagree with it. However. What's the difference between those killed through abortion and those killed in war or through the death penalty? The millions killed from abortions have no choice. They've been given no chances. (Even those who somehow manage to give themselves a chance and survive an abortion are threatened by Obama, who is willing to let them die by themselves.) Those killed in the war? They (for the most part) choose to join the military. They know that there's a chance of combat, and thus a chance of death. There are risks involved in that career path, just as there are for those who choose to be firefighters or policemen. And those on death row? They obviously did something to get there. With occasional exceptions. But none of us on this side of the womb are truly innocent. That doesn't mean any of us deserve to die, but we're more deserving of death than those millions upon millions of babies who never even had a chance to screw up.

Whew. I think I got all of today's pent-up annoyance at the audacity of "prolife Catholics" (or even prochoice Catholics) out of my system. For now.

I wonder if anyone even reads these posts anymore. Oh well. Makes me feel better just to have a place to vent, regardless of what else it does.

If I knew then what I know now...

Today, while trying to figure out what the heck I want to do with the rest of my life (since my previous plan of getting married and helping to overpopulate the world doesn't seem to be panning out), it occurred to me that one of the few things I'm really passionate about at this point, enough to consider making it some sort of career, is pro-life, pro-family issues. So I spent all night looking up jobs and internships that I might be able to do somewhere in that vein. Unfortunately, many of the internships I found are (of course) geared toward college students. And now I'm completely kicking myself for not realizing sooner that I really should get more involved in that stuff. I could have spent a summer or semester in DC working for the NRLC or something like that. Theoretically, of course. (There's always that sticky issue of applying and being accepted.)

The more I think about it, the more I think I would love to do that. I just have no idea where to start or how to start or how to go about it. And then there's also the ever-present thought of going to grad school at the JPII Institute. I still love that idea. But it requires money for tuition, relocation, and a decrease in income, since I'd be going to school instead of working full time. Even most of the internship I came across are unpaid and all, which would be fine, except money is nice to have. Especially once I start paying school loans...which should be any day now, I think. And of course there's also the Hazel consideration. She's mine, and my responsibility, so I'd have to take her with me if I relocated somewhere, and figure out what to do with her, and all that.

It's all so exhausting to think about. Nothing seems to fit or work or anything. I mean, the job I have now is fine, and I love where I work, and I'm glad I'm working there, but I don't know that I want to be doing it for, well, for a long time. I just don't think it's where I'm supposed to be, you know? For now, sure. And who knows, maybe I'll end up staying there for a long time. Apparently what I think about my life is completely different from what God thinks about my life, so I might as well just sit back and enjoy the ride, right?

But what if I'm on the wrong ride and I don't know it? It sure would be nice if I could get a little bit of direction from God. I feel like he's just left me in the dark for, well, years really. I know it's my fault because I'm awful at listening to and for him, so I leave myself without the light to follow, but how do I get to be better at listening and hearing? I'd at least appreciate it if God could let me in on that little secret.

I'm so frustrated by certain things at this point that I could just scream. All of it - that, the election crap, everything - sort of just makes me want to take a day off from life and lie in bed all day and sleep. Pretend nothing's wrong. Everything's good. But I can't do that. Life keeps moving, and right now all I can do is move right along with it, with no idea where I'm going or where I'm supposed to get off or if I'm even on the right track.

I just wish I could have a do-over of at least a couple years of college. Who knows where things would be now if I had realized (or acted on) certain things back then. But I didn't, and this is where I am now, so now I just have to figure out where to go from here.

It's exhausting. And overwhelming.

Sigh. I wish it were easier for me to have faith that things are going to happen. Good things. But at this point, it's almost too hard and too painful for that. Why does God have to make everything so difficult for me? I know, I know, I do it to myself.

Ok, stop it Susie. Sorry everyone. It's just been a tough week or two. It's foggy now and might even snow (a tiny bit, at most, I'm sure) tomorrow night, which is nice, and I have a great Saturday to look forward too, and I'm sure I'll be feeling more optimistic about things soon. I'm just in a bit of a funk at the moment.

Bet you all can't wait until the election so I'll STOP. THESE. POSTS.

I am so sick of the media. Maybe it's my fault because I typically go to cnn to get my news, but sheesh. I just checked the headlines, and the top story is that "More believe McCain's attacks unfair, poll finds." Ok, so the media takes EVERYTHING that McCain and Palin say and distort it and make them look like terrible awful people, and then some poll finds that people think McCain is meaner than Obama. Wow. Imagine that. And then another headline says that Biden has released his medical records while Palin hasn't. Maybe I'm missing something, but why is that news, and why does it matter? I clicked on the headline to find out why it was news, and down in the middle of the article it also mentions that Obama hasn't released his records either, other than a one-page summary. Ridiculous article.

My problem with McCain is that he hasn't attacked Obama on the issues that really matter and really could make a difference. This whole election is making me so angry. This country is blinded by stupidity, greed, and everyone's "Golden Boy" who will magically turn everything around. Too many people aren't seeing things clearly, and we're all going to end up paying for it.

Speaking of that, here's an article my sister sent me that probably won't get a lot of media attention. Biden is basically admitting that things will get pretty awful for us if Obama is elected. That's what we have to look forward to. We're going to elect a guy who wants to turn our country into a Communistic/socialistic nation, who has no experience and the foreign leaders know that, so they're going to test him. And it won't be pretty.

I'm so sick of all of this. I'm sick of a lot of things, but I almost can't wait for this election to be over (even though I have a feeling that the outcome is going to be grim). At least then those of us who have stuck to our morals and our faith will be able to re-center ourselves and start fighting the fight of our lives.

Because it is war. And there's nothing wrong with calling it a war and "making" it a war. It was made a war before I was born. I have no problem fighting for those who can't fight for themselves. I know people hate to hear abortion likened to slavery or the Holocaust, the similarities are striking, whether people want to admit it or not. If no one spoke up for the slaves or the Jews, it would have been infinitely worse than it already was. And it was bad. And so is abortion. Abortion has killed - murdered - almost 50 million people (people) in this country over the last 35 years. I'm sorry, but I can't sit back and let other things become more important than that. There is nothing more important than stopping the mass murder of millions upon millions. Today I was accused of having too narrow of a focus for my convictions because I'm continuing to talk about this issue to people who don't want to hear it and can't accept the truth. Well, haven't we all learned that as Christians we're supposed to be on the narrow path? That the wide path isn't the path to God? The question of abortion and its importance should really be an easy one for anyone who purports to believe the Catholic faith. Apparently, though, it's not. Apparently, even our likely VP-elect (there's still two weeks, anything can happen) claims that though he's a serious Catholic, he believes the Church still debates and "wrestles" with the degree of how bad abortion is.

You know, the thing that really gets to me about all of this, and maybe part of the reason that I just can't let go and sit back and relax about this issue, is that there are all these Catholics, even self-proclaimed pro-life Catholics, who think it's perfectly fine and morally acceptable to vote for the most extreme pro-abortion candidate we've ever seen. A candidate who has promised to get rid of all restrictions on abortion if he's elected. How can you believe that abortion is wrong, and yet vote for this guy? And these Catholics that are doing this, they're leading other Catholics astray by their example. And that's what I can't stand. I love my Catholic faith, and I would die to defend it, and I hate that there are people who are causing scandal in the Church by saying it's perfectly acceptable, maybe even preferable, to vote for someone that the Church definitely wouldn't agree with. I know how beautiful the Catholic teachings are, and they're so much more beautiful when they're all working together as they should. But people are trying to separate them, to pick and choose which ones are popular and which ones should just be ignored. Yeah, there are some teachings that are more important than others. I can guarantee you, though, that the economy is not one of those teachings. Global warming isn't one of those. Abortion, abortion is. Abortion is always evil, always always intrinsically wrong. Always.

And it's just so frustrating that I can't get other people to see that. It's been written about throughout the Church, people much smarter than me (not to mention in positions that deserve and demand respect) have talked about it, and if you think logically, I don't understand why anyone wouldn't be able to see it themselves. And yet they continue to put other things in front of the issue. No, not just an issue. Life.

(Almost) no mention of politics! (But a lot of pessimism.)

I guess I haven't been doing much normal posting anyway. At least not for me. So let's see, what's been going on...

Well, right now I'm losing terribly in my fantasy football game, which is especially sad because I was projected to win, and the guy I'm playing even left one of his receiver slots blank. He'll probably finish with around 30 points more than I will, depending on how Cutler does tomorrow night. Pathetic. One of his guys had a ridiculously great day today, getting 35 points. My guys all got way less than they were projected, including my defense which got me -3. Why am I so bad at picking defenses? Sigh. Oh well. See, when I checked it after the first games were starting today, and saw that the guy I'm playing was missing a player, I thought "well that'll help me", but then I also thought "Ah, that probably means I'll end up losing." See, I might be pessimistic about things a lot, but I'm also right.

Speaking of that, the last game of the ALCS is on right now. The Red Sox managed to force seven games (after being down 3 games to 1, and being down 7-0 in the 7th inning of the 5th game, and coming back to win it 8-7). In case you weren't aware, the last two times they went to the World Series (last year and 2004, of course), they were facing similar circumstances in the ALCS. First down 3 games to 0 against the Yankees in 2004, three games that they lost in spectacular fashion, if I'm not mistaken, and then last year down 3 games to 1 against the Indians. Both times they managed to win the 7th games and go on to the WS. Because of all those comparisons and such, I figured they weren't going to do it a third time. Looks like I was right. Currently they're losing 3-1 in the 8th inning. Ah, well, it's just not my year. Or, not my sports teams' year. I guess ND is doing well enough, more or less (anything is better than last year). Man, I miss the Patriots from last year. It was so much fun watching them blow everyone away. This year it's like no one is that great. I'm sure there are some undefeated teams or something, but no one cares about them. Haha. Anyway. Whatever.

(Yep, Red Sox lost. Sigh. Watching them last year was pretty fun, too. I barely saw any of their games this season, partially because we don't have cable here. Sigh.)

Yesterday I helped dig a two feet deep trench. It was interesting. (We were volunteering at this place, Ministry of Mary, which helps women in crisis pregnancies and such, offers them housing, etc.) Sort of hard to explain the trench, but a couple of us also helped dig a square hole which will eventually have concrete poured in it, a piece of the Berlin Wall placed in that, and then a memorial wall built off of it for babies lost to abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. Anyway. I'm sore in places I'm not normally sore (my back and neck and stuff, from all the shoveling), but it was fun. And I like being sore. Means I did something. So that was fun.

Next Saturday should be a good day. I'm going to the Gospel of Life/Humanae Vitae 40 Years Later conference up in Denver, and then at night I have tickets to the lovely philharmonic. Mmm. Good stuff.

I took Hazel to Palmer Park today, which I haven't done for...a couple weeks, probably, stupidly. I love that place. Walking along the trails, enjoying all the changing leaves in the park and in the city, I realized that it's probably been quite awhile since I have been there during the fall. Sure, I had fall break every year, but I don't know that I made it to Palmer Park during any of those breaks. Oh, I guess I had two years ago where I was here all semester...I often forget about that. But anyway, the point is, it was nice. Fall is nice. The weather was nice today, too, even though it's definitely not October 18 weather. (I'm still waiting for that annual freak October snow that Colorado usually gets. But since I'm here, and wanting it, I'm sure it won't happen. There's no snow in the forecast for the next 10 days, accurate as that is. At least it's supposed to be cooling down this week to respectable fall temperatures, though.) Whatever. The real point is (aside from all my Debbie Downer-ing) that I love taking Hazel for walks, as much for me as for her. It's nice being outside and seeing all the loveliness of nature that too many of us miss or take for granted. I'm trying not to do that.

Oh man, I'm getting so discouraged about things and life. It's because it's getting toward bedtime, and everything always looks worse at night. But still. I'm just looking forward to good news of one sort or another. No idea what it might be, but there's gotta be something on the horizon, right? Maybe?

Also, I've decided I might need to ban myself from watching sappy romantic comedies, or movies about weddings (such as Father of the Bride and My Big Fat Greek Wedding, both of which I've watched within the last few weeks), or anything in that vein. I can't take any more of that. Those movies aren't supposed to make you cry. At least, not the way they've been tending to make me cry. Hm that's probably a bit too personal to be putting on a public blog. Oh well.

Gah I've gone and gotten myself into a bad mood now. I hate being in a bad mood. Especially when it comes out in my blog. I think that happens a lot, and then people who read it think I'm perpetually upset, and that's really not true. But I blog at night, mostly, and sometimes at night I have too much time to think about things, and then I get into a bad mood, and it's just a bad cycle. Sorry about that. (I blame the Red Sox losing. That's when things started going downhill in my head. Maybe people who don't follow sports really are smarter than those of us who do...) (Also, it's been...27 days without coffee. Wow. That's not very long. I really miss coffee. But I also don't want to go back to being so dependent on it, either. I could have so gone for a cup today, though. Sigh. And I only had one pumpkin spice latte before the 40 Days for Life started. I hope they're still making them come election day. Maybe I'll extend the fast to the day after the election. Anyway though. Susie likes her coffee, people.)

Just...don't listen to anything I say, ok?

Except when I say not to vote for Obama.

Seriously. Don't vote for Obama.


(Maybe tomorrow I'll upload some pictures I've taken recently. Nothing interesting, of course, but I think I have some cute Hazel pictures. At least one or two from today. Haven't done a good puppy picture post (tm) in awhile.)

It can't go on

"Roe versus Wade probably hangs in the balance."

So said Obama during the debate. Obama, some people's proclaimed "messiah" who will magically fix every single problem in the country.

Even he admits it. Abortion hangs in the balance in this election. We could potentially make a lot of progress reducing abortion "rights" or we could be set back years and years. Why don't all those so-called "pro-life" people voting for him see it? To say you're against abortion, but still willing to vote for Obama in the hopes that maybe someday down the road, things there will change, well, it just doesn't fit.

(Oh, and speaking of the debate, here's an interesting post about certain things Obama claimed during the last debate. Specifically, his lies about the Born Alive act.)

Sorry to sound like a broken record...but only sort of sorry

This really feels like a war. Complete with people who have been lured from our side to the other side because that side's leader spins a good, convincing story, and ours isn't fighting enough for us. Well, fine. That means it's up to us, then.

Too many people have been convinced that there are other issues in this election that take precedence over abortion. Somehow, many Catholics have come to believe that the Church speaks as strongly about things like the environment and the war and health care and all those other issues that people are using as excuses to vote for Obama, despite his ridiculously extreme voting record on abortion. Yes, things like global warming and the war and wages and things, they're important to consider, and the Church does have some teachings on them one way or the other. But the fact is, there are some things in the Church that are absolutes, and absolute evils, and abortion is one of those. That other stuff? Not exactly so much. And yet so many people are able to convince themselves that those are the important issues that need to be addressed. The lives of millions upon millions of babies? Eh, maybe we'll deal with that when everything else is ironed out. Maybe. If it doesn't interfere with other things that are more directly important to me.

Seriously. Why do these supposedly prolife Catholics choose to listen to one or a few other supposedly prolife Catholics who tell them that it's ok - and maybe even preferable - for Catholics to vote for Obama, when bishop after bishop after bishop says quite the opposite? Yeah, bishops are still human, but they're in an authoritative role, one which I most certainly, as a Catholic, need to respect and listen to. Not all bishops are perfect, of course, but when all these bishops are coming out and affirming what I've always known to be Church teaching, I find it hard to believe that there are other Catholics out there who still choose to follow not bishops but fellow laity who are going against what the Church has always taught.

Here's another great article I just came across which is well worth your time. Really, really good. More eloquently says what I've been trying to say. Yeah, he's not a bishop either, but in the article he explains why the bishops have come out so strongly this year. (And I've linked to several statements made by bishops lately, too, in case you haven't been following.) And, in case you want even more reading, here's an article detailing Obama's abortion extremism. People who think that voting for Obama will help reduce abortions are just deluding themselves. One of the reasons I don't want Obama to win (aside from his statements that he will be signing the Freedom of Choice Act, which will essentially take away any abortion restrictions that currently exist, and apparently might also threaten crisis pregnancy centers) is that there will probably be one to three Supreme Court judges replaced during this next presidency. Say what you will about Bush, but at least he appointed two solid Justices during his time as president. But there still aren't enough there to do much good with regard to abortion, so these next appointments could be big. If McCain wins, I trust him more fully to appoint people who would overturn Roe vs. Wade. If Obama wins, there's no question that he'll appoint people who will do whatever it takes to keep Roe vs. Wade alive for years and years to come.

Today, Archbishop Chaput gave a speech about all this stuff. (Have I mentioned how much I like Chaput?) It's, of course, really good as well.

Tonight I went with Mom to pray for an hour outside of the Planned Parenthood in town. Part of the 40 Days for Life 24/7 vigil; I think each church in the diocese has a day where they get people to sign up and go for an hour, and they mentioned it at Holy Apostles a couple weeks back, so I signed up and got Mom to go with me. I had wanted to do that at least once during this 40 Days for Life campaign. So anyway, we were there for an hour tonight, prayed all the mysteries of the Rosary (that's four 5-decade rosaries). It was...interesting. Luckily (for wussy me), we were there at 7, so it wasn't open. I'm not sure how I would have handled being there when it was open and someone actually went in (even though it could very well be for something other than an abortion, I guess). But anyway. I couldn't help but think about all the babies that had died there. Especially as we would say "fruit of thy womb, Jesus" and "pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death." It's so unspeakably sad. And I wondered if the people who live in the houses next to it, across the street from it, near it, ever think about what goes on there. I don't think I'd be able to live next door to a place where the lives of countless souls are taken every day. It's horrific.

(Kind of interesting, though, the "Planned Parenthood" sign on top of the building was lit up since it was dark out, obviously, but the "Planned" part was burned out. So it just said "Parenthood", which is sort of ironic. I think. I know people over/misuse that word, but I'm still never sure if I'm using it correctly or not. But whatever.)

Please, please, please people, for the sake of our country, don't vote for Obama. Please.

Mmm.

I re-discovered the loveliness of chamomile tea tonight.

Also, I might start rethinking my insisting on the tea bag/water ratio I currently use...tea that's a bit stronger isn't that bad... (Plus, then maybe I'd finish a cup of tea before it gets cold.)

Oh, so I had to get gas yesterday (I had about six miles left in my tank, according to my car which tells me these things). I found a station on the way to a meeting I had, where the gas was $3.09, pretty much what most people were (although I knew I could find it cheaper if I weren't so desperate). I had thought beforehand that I probably shouldn't fill up, since the gas prices are just going down several cents a day lately. Yet I did fill up. All 18 gallons. Driving home later, after the meeting and all, I passed a gas station that is known for being at least a few cents cheaper than most places. Know what it was last night? $2.93. Yes. A full 16 cents cheaper than what I paid. It was a little annoying. And today driving to work, most places were like 3.03, I think. Driving home, the same places were 2.99. Why did I fill the whole tank yesterday? (I know why. It's the same reason I only had 6 miles left in my tank. I just hate filling up my car. I like having a full tank of gas, of course, but I guess I wait so long to fill it up because I just don't want to do it until I absolutely have to. And I like to prolong the times between as much as possible. So I paid almost $2 more yesterday than I really needed to. (It makes me feel a bit better to say it like that - $2 really isn't that much. So it's all good, really.)

There. That's my fun story of the day. (I won't call it "funny" because then Katherine will yell at me again for saying something's funny when it's really not, and thus for failing to entertain her properly.) Oh, and of course, the important thing is - yay! - gas prices are going down! Apparently good ol' CS (and maybe Colorado in general) is a little behind the times with the falling gas prices, but according to my dad, when prices fall, we do it slowly here. But, when they rise, we're slow to do that too. So I guess it all evens out. I just hope it doesn't rise much, if at all, by the time I have to fill up again.

I think that's about all I have. I can't wait for this week to be over. It's been so stressful and I'm not sure why. Maybe three weeks sans coffee is finally making me cranky. I hope the weekend is at least a little bit relaxing.

I really need to start up some knitting again. It's so relaxing. I still haven't made it down to that yarn store to get stuff to knit a blanket. I better get a move on soon if I want to have it done for Christmas. (For whom, though, I don't know.)

Anyway. Nothing I can do about that right now.

Oh, but good news, Colorado has the loveliest sunsets. Oh man. They're just so uber-nice. I can't even describe them. I try to take Hazel out as soon as I can when I get home and changed and all that, so I'm usually out around 6 or so, and at that point the sky in the east turns into a rainbow. There's the darker blue up top, the regular sky color but a little lighter, and then the blue turns more pale, and then kind of goes green, and gets pink and peach and orange by the horizon. It's just so pretty. I keep forgetting to bring my camera with me (note to self: bring camera EVERYWHERE), but I doubt a picture would do it justice. And then when there are clouds in the sky like there were tonight, they just turn brilliant shades of pink and red and orange and it's just so wonderful. Mmm. I love it.

No surprises

I haven't done one of these in a little while. And it's related to a discussion I had at work today...

You Are Ketchup

You are easy going and very measured in your approach to life. Popular and well liked, you get along with everyone. Seriously, everyone loves you! Your taste tends to be pretty mainstream American. You go for the classic favorites: burgers, fries, and apple pie. You get along best with mustard and mayonnaise personalities.

What Condiment Are You?

(I read this as: You are boring and unoriginal. But that's ok, because I pretty much am.)

Let's hope we hear more of these

Here's another letter from another Bishop regarding abortion and voting for a pro-choice candidate.

I really hope these are just the first couple of what will be many more in the next few weeks. Although at this point, who knows if it'll make any difference.

Obama can't win. He just can't. If he wins, any chance of getting rid of abortion is pretty much done with for many, many years. And I don't think this country as a whole can take many, many more years of killing its unborn without it completely ruining whatever decency it still has.

Abortion can't be ignored.

And now, shallowness.

I bought a new brush last night. (And waaaaay too many nylons/trouser socks/tights. But man, when I find them in "extended sizes" for people who wear shoe sizes not in the 4-10 range, I just want to stock up. I should be good for awhile now.) My whole life, I've used a brush with the thin bendy bristles. Last night I realized that, in all the brushes they had, there were about two brushes like that, and like 1800 with the more plastic not so bendy bristles. So, since my brush is pretty darn old, I decided to splurge and spend $3 to get a new one. Of the more popular kind of bristles. And today, since I also discovered last night that it's apparently weird that I don't brush my hair as I blow dry it, I tried that too. And you know what? I think I had a pretty good hair day. (I also used a different shampoo this morning, because lately I've been wondering if maybe my hair is a little sick of the shampoo and conditioner I've been using for the past month+. It's been weird, because my hair typically never acts like it has been, but I'm going to assume that's what it is.)

Ok, so that's ridiculously unimportant, but sometimes I just gotta take what I can get.

And now I have to go to bed because I've had a headache since early this afternoon, which just hasn't gotten better despite taking some ibprofen and then some excedrin later. I think it might have something to do with not having enough caffeine today - I didn't drink my vanilla chai, which I'm pretty sure has caffeine and which I've been drinking almost every day lately, but I did have a tall hot chocolate from Starbucks, and that has caffeine, right? Sigh. Why does it seem that every box of tea I look at says "Caffeine free"? I did have tea today, but it was peppermint (dude, peppermint tea is amazing, in case you weren't aware), and of course caffeine free. Anyway. I was tempted to have a soda when I got home, but if this is a caffeine headache, it'd be nice to get it all out of my system and not have to drink soda or something to make a headache go away.

So I think that means I should just go to bed. Mmmmm bed. My bed is so nice, with a bed warmer under the sheet, and then a sheet, "comforter", ND sweatshirt blanket, and a crocheted-by-Memere blanket. Love it.

(Oh, and also, I'm very excited about this. I am planning on going.)

Oh oh oh! And I'm terribly late on this, since it's practically over now, but today is my big brother's birthday! So, happy birthday to my favorite big brother, Tom! (And lucky us, he's now back in the Springs, so we go to spend his birthday with him! And he doesn't have to drive back up to Denver! I like my brother, in case you didn't know. Both of them, really, of course. But yeah.)

It needs to be discussed.

Apparently two Texas bishops (those from Dallas and Fort Worth) have issued a statement about why the common justification for Catholics to vote for a pro-choice candidate just doesn't fly. More or less. As usual, American Papist has an excellent summary/discussion of the statement.

Here are a couple more articles on the election and abortion I've read in the last couple of days.

McCain let Obama get away with lying tonight when they discussed abortion. That was amazing when Obama outright said he supports a ban on partial birth abortion, and that he doesn't support letting babies born alive after attempted abortions be left to die. Really, Obama? Really? Yeah, there's some real truth there. (Um...sarcasm. By the way.) What a lying...ugh. He is more pro-abortion than Planned Parenthood. He wants to reduce all the restrictions on abortions. Come on. I don't see how people can look at that man, listen to him, and actually believe half of the things he says. How can anyone trust him?

And how can anyone actually believe that abortion isn't a big enough deal not to make it issue #1? People who don't believe that abortion needs to be the highest priority, I think, don't really understand what abortion is and what it does to our society as a whole. It's not something we can just sweep away under the rug, to be dealt with later, maybe, when other things aren't so bad. It just can't be that way. We have to address it now.

Unfortunately, that issue is getting swept under the rug. By everyone. Barely discussed, at the end of the last of the three presidential debates, not really pressed much, attempts to have it discussed elsewhere twarted by the media, the economy getting #1 billing everywhere. No matter what. Because all we care about is money, money, money. Money makes the world go round, you know. Not babies. We don't really need more of those.

Seriously, though, I really wish abortion was being discussed more than just on Catholic blogs. It's a big issue, whether people want to admit it or not. It hurts our society, and our whole society will have to face the consequences (is facing the consequences) once we all smarten up and realize what we've been doing to our children for the last 35+ years. And it's an issue where McCain really has the upper hand for a lot of people. (And that's probably why the media is very careful not to discuss it.) It's just so aggravating. The whole dang thing.

I miss this one

I was looking through some of my pictures the other day, and came across a few Colt pictures.




That's the last time I ever saw her. I took this the morning Dad and I left to drive to ND last year. She was up there in my parents' bedroom window, watching us leave. She was gone less than a month later. I still really, really miss her. I only got to spend six years with her. She was such a fun fat cat. Gah, I miss her.

And of course I still miss Kebbie, too. Hazel has helped to lessen that pain, though. Plus I had a good 15 years (and they were good) with Kebbie, and was prepared when we put her down. How could anyone not miss that face, though? My sweet sweet puppy.

And now I've gone and made myself cry. (Although it seems like that's not very hard to do these days for some annoying reason.) I was going to write a post today about how pretty everything is. Apparently I'd prefer the crying, though.

There's a lot going on

In the world, in the country, in the Church, in my life. Well, not so much "in my life" as in myself, I guess. It's all overwhelming and I'm not sure I can handle it.

Maybe I'll just talk about my sweet Hazel. She's so cute. Lately I've been noticing that she always always backs up first when I tell her to sit. I've been doing it a lot, like whenever she brings a toy over, which I then throw, and then she brings back. Before I throw it I normally make her sit first. But almost without fail, she backs up a few steps, stops, I say it again, and she'll either move like she's about to sit, or she'll back up a few more steps or something. Eventually usually she will sit, but sometimes it takes awhile. I remember Kebbie and Pebo both doing that, too, backing up first before actually sitting. They know what it means, it's like they just don't want to do it. But I'm not sure what the backing up accomplishes, or how that is their first reaction to "sit"...It's sort of funny though.

Also funny? Dad told me yesterday that every morning when I leave for work, after I go out the door Hazel goes over to the couch, stands on it and looks out the living room window, and watches me as I get into my car and until I drive away. This morning, I saw her face in the window as I was getting into my car, and I looked for it as I drove past the house, and sure enough, she sat there and watched me the whole time, with that concerned look she always has. It was so cute. And so funny that every time I thought about it at work today, I started cracking up. She's just so cute.

I hope I have a good weekend. I have all this stress and negativity built up inside me, it seems, and all this...I don't even know what. And I'm not sure what I need, or what will make it better, or how to make it go away and make me content with things again. It's very bizarre, what I'm feeling. Sort of like...happy, yet dissatisfied, or happily pessimistic, or...I don't even know what. Know what it is? Everything, everything feels like it's in limbo. I may dislike change a great deal, but I hate things being in limbo even more. I hate the waiting. I don't even know what I'm waiting for, but it's like I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everywhere. Really, I'd rather the worst case scenarios happen right now for everything so I can get it over with and start dealing with it, instead of sitting here waiting to see what's going to happen. Maybe it'd just be nice if I felt like one, just one part of my life were great and in order and settled and just as it should be.

But apparently that's not what God has for me right now, so I guess I just have to make myself be happy with the way things are. He knows what's best, anyway. I'd be nowhere without God.

The implications are real, and they're scary.

I'm glad there are people better at this stuff than I am. I sure do benefit from it. I think I need to start talking less, reading/linking more.

Once again, American Papist has a great post up about what might happen if Obama gets elected. Not just within the country, but among Catholics.

I don't know what's going to happen if Obama gets elected (and much as I hate to admit it, it looks like it's starting to become more of a "when" thing. I can't express the pain that thought gives me), but I know it won't be good.

But one possibly good-ish thing is that often, people get stronger when persecution. So when Obama gets elected and starts shutting down crisis pregnancy centers, and traditional Catholics and prolifers start becoming the acceptable targets (wait, start becoming? If only that were true), maybe our numbers might dwindle, but we'll be stronger. We'll get stronger. And, with God's help, we'll come out of it better than we started.

So, at least we have that to look forward to, right?

How far will they go?

Oh my GOSH why is McBrien still a tenured faculty member at Notre Dame? I think if ND got rid of him (can you get rid of tenured people? WHY oh WHY is he tenured to begin with???), they would gain back a good amount of credibility for a lot of people. I mean, when I talk to people who don't have personal relationships with the school (oh, how I love that school - I still hope that someday I'll be able to get married in the Basilica, although I'm pretty sure that's just a pipe dream. Not sure which part of it is a pipe dream, though...), they always bring up McBrien as a reason not to like the school. And really, it's a valid criticism. How he can still call himself a Catholic priest is beyond me. Sorry, I just came across this post, and ugh. These priests (McBrien, Hesburgh) really need to...just be quiet. Especially Hesburgh. I'm not sure that McBrien really cares all that much about Notre Dame (he's probably happy he can continue to undermine its credibility to traditional Catholics everywhere, and he probably loves that he has such a big-name school attached to his name to make himself sound credible to those who don't really know or get it), but I have to believe Hesburgh loves that school. I mean, he's spent much of his life there, as president and then since. How he could fail to realize that he's doing the school a great disservice by going directly against what the Church teaches is beyond me.

Anyway, I went to that blog (which I sometimes read) to find this post, in which a Democrat running for governor of Virginia (who apparently also spoke at the DNC, so he's not some random unknown Democrat wanna-be governor) describes the people who are "threatening to what it means to be an American." Know who is in the group he describes? Me, myself, and I. And probably a number of the people who read this. Anyway. Isn't it nice to know that Christians are the enemy of America? And the funny thing is, this guy can say that and no one is really going to question him or challenge him. And those of us who do are going to be called overly dramatic, or intolerant, or too thin-skinned to be worth anything. Because it's acceptable to say whatever the heck you want about crazy homeschoolers, Christians, and those awful NRA members. Say something that could be construed as negative towards, for example, homosexuals, and oh man you'll never hear the end of it. Can you imagine if some high-up Republican called homosexuals a threat to America? There'd surely be a lot more outcry than there is about this guy's comments.

We live in one crazy, mixed-up, messy world. And it's only going to get worse, I think, before it gets better. If it's possible to get better in this life, in this flawed world...

I have a secret to share

Come here.

Lean closer.

A little closer...


I really.........don't want to share.

Soooo, nevermind.

haha.

Some of you can probably guess, though. So I guess it's not really that secret.

Instead, I'll just say that I hope everyone who votes for Obama really ends up regretting that decision if he's elected. And apologizing to the rest of the country for what they unleashed on us. I mean, I don't really want that, because it'd be fantastically better if he somehow saw the light or something after being elected (if he is), and it's not good if everyone's unhappy. It'd also be nice if everyone who votes for him realizes why he's so evil. Preferably before the election. Sigh. What an awful situation this is. Change? At the cost of what? Millions upon millions of lives? Are you aware that almost 50 million people have been killed, legally, in this country in the last 35 years? And Obama would like to keep that number moving up at all costs. But a country that can't even protect its own children deserves whatever it gets. And we're all included in that. We're all going to have to pay the price. Some day.

Oh, and Barack Obama <<<<< Abe Lincoln. Come on, people. Geesh.

Also, I love the mountains. I'm quite sad I didn't get to go camping this summer. I think it was partly because of Hazel, so that's a pretty good reason, but next summer? Oh man, camping I will go. Me and Rocky Mountain National Park have this deep, abiding love, and it'll never go away. Oh gosh, I love that place. Mmm I miss it.

Oh, and today I decided that I like the idea of Halloween, but I sort of hate the execution. (I like the fall-y season, which might feel odd without some amount of Halloween, but I really hate thinking up costumes, I hate people ringing the doorbell all night, and...all that jazz. It's just not in me. Oh well.)

Notre Dame, Our Mother

Ok, I know that there are a lot of good, faithful Catholics at Notre Dame, and that there are a lot of attempts being made to return it to its traditional roots. But I think a lot of Catholics who don't have a lot of personal experience with the school don't really believe me when I say that. And things like this don't really help. Of course, the fact that he's no longer president, and that the current president isn't saying those things (and, I hope, wouldn't ever say those things) maybe points in the right direction. But it gives a bad image of the school. So does allowing certain "monologues" to be performed on campus. (Come on, Fr. Jenkins. Stop letting it happen!) Anyway. Irritating.

(Really, believe me. Notre Dame is not a terrible school. Maybe I feel so strongly about trying to get people to believe that because it was so incredibly integral in making me the person I am right now, the Catholic I am today. I learned a lot from online resources, of course, but I also learned a lot from watching people I went to school with. Who knows where I'd be if I had gone somewhere else, somewhere not Catholic, or a different Catholic school. I like to think, though, that ultimately I was where God wanted me to be, and that because I was there, he allowed me to explore my faith more than I ever had before, and really make it my own. So, don't be questioning my school. It's not all bad. Maybe for some people, a few bad apples ruin the whole barrel, but can't it be the other way around, too?)

Funny story

So, it's Monday Night Football, Saints against Minnesota. I don't watch MNF because it's on ESPN and we're a no-cable family. (It costs money, you know.) But I've been keeping up through the fantasy football page, because I have the Saints defense, and Reggie Bush (who is on the Saints). I was winning my game before this game started, and I had two players playing in it (including the defense), and the guy I was playing against had no more guys playing. So pretty much I was guaranteed the win. I wanted the Saints to do well, though, because it's nice to get points. Anyway, by the 3rd quarter the Saints were down 20-10, and my defense had zero points. I was worried it was going to go into the negatives. I haven't had a lot of luck with defenses this season in my fantasy games. So then I check it a few minutes ago, and the defense had gone up to seven points, and the Saints had tied the game 20-20. I looked to see what happened, and the special teams had gotten a punt return TD. Tom said "I wonder if Reggie Bush got that TD," and we looked, and indeed he was the one who had gotten that TD. This is awesome because I have Reggie Bush. This means, people, that I got points twice for that TD - once for the special teams, and once for Reggie Bush. That's 12 points. And then as we were looking at this, we both saw that the Saints scored again. And guess what? It was another punt return TD, by Reggie Bush, which means another double points for me!

Sometimes, football is fun.

I blame all this happiness on listening to classical music. Oh, and maybe God.

My puppy is so darned cute, I can't even stand it. I just love her so so much.

I went to Holy Apostles again today, of course, because I just don't know what else to do. I woke up and was pretty much ready in time to go to Holy Ghost, but then...I just didn't. Stupid, right? But, I did wear my chapel veil for the first time. Ever. At Holy Apostles, where people show up in shorts, football jerseys, all kinds of T-shirts, and really just all manner of clothes. Mostly, though, not very dressy or churchy clothes. And there was me, in my dress and cardigan-ish sweater, and a veil. I felt very conspicuous most of the time, especially at first, but I also felt...great. I don't know. I was a lot more focused on God, surprisingly (I thought I'd be feeling self-conscious to the point of distraction, pretty much). It was definitely an interesting experience. And for some weird reason, it made me think a lot about Christmas. I'm not really sure what that's about. (But thinking about Christmas made me wonder what I'll be doing for Christmas this year. My family is not usually one for midnight Mass, usually because we like to go all together and certain people don't like going that late, and certain nephews of mine probably wouldn't do that well at a midnight Mass. But I really really want to go. I've wanted to go for years. Oh, and then there's the fact that Holy Apostles doesn't do midnight Mass anymore, they do the midnight Mass at 10pm thing which really is ridiculous. It's still awhile away, but I think I definitely am going to consider going up to Holy Ghost for midnight Mass. If my family goes to an earlier Mass, I could make it up there in time. We'll see.)

Anyway. It did also make me miss the Basilica (but what doesn't?), because there were quite a few women there who wore veils regularly. A few girls I was acquaintanced with, too. It was always nice to see. Veils aren't a common sight at Holy Apostles. Or pretty much any church around here. Or lots of other places, probably. But that's ok. Nothing wrong with being a little bit different, right? (Except I hate, hate, hate sticking out. Being noticeable. Being noticed. Being able to be picked out easily. Doesn't work too well when I'm taller than a lot of people to begin with...and, let's face it, am pretty awesome and gorgeous (ha, don't worry, that was entirely sarcastic), but I still like to try. And it was nice feeling so good throughout the whole Mass, which could also be attributed to a few other things that probably would have made Mass today nicer than normal anyway. Including having a bit of incense at the end, because they use incense when they do adoration at the end of Mass every first Sunday (why they don't just bite the bullet and use it all the time, I don't quite get. Incense is so lovely!). Anyway, though, I think the veil helped me be a little bit more...separated from some of the more superfluous parts of Mass that might tend to annoy me a little bit (at HA, at least), and have a lot more of my focus be on God. I was really surprised at it, because I wasn't expecting that (how can a little triangle of lace make me more focused on God when I'm definitely not actively trying to be more focused on God?), but that's what happened.

I'm pretty happy about it.

Also, it's before 10pm (I started this post and then didn't finish writing for awhile), and I'm going to bed very, very soon. I'm excited about this. And it rained tonight, which apparently I missed, but that's cool. It's supposed to be in the 60s tomorrow. Next Sunday is supposed to have rain/snow storms. It's not going to snow, I know that, but it's still exciting to see. It's getting close, people! I found my favorite rosary this morning. It's a funny story. I had just finished getting ready for Mass, and in the hallway outside my room there are a few boxes of little trinkets and whatnot that I had packed when I moved out of my room at ND in May (sniff, what a sad day that was). I had looked in a couple of them the other day when I realized I didn't know where that rosary was. Sadly, I didn't find it, but figured it was just in another box. I was slightly concerned that I had lost it somewhere along the way, though.

This morning I was thinking about it for some reason, went to my fallback whenever I can't find things, and said a quick little prayer to St. Anthony. I was intending to look more seriously for it sometime, but not today, and definitely not this morning. So along with those boxes in the hall, there are two books on top of them - one's a book I got for one of my classes, probably this last year, and the other is some "Learn to knit in one day" book. That second one caught my eye this morning as I was walking out of my room, and I just looked at it for a second to remind myself which knitting book it is. And then I put back the other book that had been on top of it. I quickly noticed a shoebox sitting underneath those two, and was about to go downstairs when I thought, "Did I check that one the other day?" So, on a whim, I opened it, looked inside, and I'm sure you can guess what was in there. My favorite rosary, in the white jewelry box I keep it in. Imagine that. Not only that, but while looking through the box to see if the rosary was there, I found my Kohl's card! I wasn't even looking for that, figured it was just lost among all my everything somewhere, and I've just been giving them my SSN and phone number or whatever it is they want when you don't have your card with you at Kohl's. So that wasn't as exciting, but still sort of funny.

So yeah. A pretty good day, I guess. It looks like I'm going to win my fantasy football game this week, so that's nice. And I had a good day yesterday. And, oh yeah, Notre Dame beat Stanford. And now we're at the start of another week. Sigh. Ah well, that's life. At least it's October, which means cooler weather, and lovely fall, and Christmas coming closer, and all that good jazz.

Good stuff.

Someone win the lottery for me, K?

I think I mentioned that my friends are all going to be going to the Pitt game on November 1. There may or may not be an extra ticket to the game available, should I want it, but Katherine seems to think it'd be fairly easy to get one there. Which may or may not be true. I really, really want to go to the game. I miss my friends so much. All my older friends (as in, pre-college days) from home have either left, temporarily or more permanently, or are effectively ignoring me for some reason (that would be only one person. But it really sucks, and I'm sort of mad at her about it although I'm sure once she eventually gets around to returning one of my many phone calls/text messages/facebook wall messages, she'll have some good reason or another. Now I'm just wondering, when that does eventually happen, obviously assuming it does, do I be unreasonable and ignore her right back, or do I pretend like I'm not annoyed and just say "Oh, it's fine, I completely understand you ignoring me for weeks and weeks! No worries! I have no friends and no life, so I'll take whatever I can get!"? But, you know, maybe I'll never have to figure out which one I'll do). Ahem. Anyway, I do have some newer friends that I've made here since graduating, which is of course wonderful and they're great and fun and all that.

But I miss my older friends, the friends I've shared lots with, and had lots of experiences with. I miss them a lot. Not to mention Notre Dame. Oh my goodness how much I miss that place. I don't want to live in the past, but geez, how can I not be sad to leave the past when the past was so darned good? Ah, if only I had had a terrible college experience. It'd all be so much better! But Notre Dame is better than that, and Notre Dame is wonderful, and Notre Dame is awesome. And then there's the fact that oh my goodness I miss the Basilica. Here I am, another Saturday night without having a single clue as to where I'm going to Mass in the morning. It really makes me want to cry, and I wish I could just find somewhere that was traditional and reverent. Is that too much to ask? Apparently in this diocese, it is. Sigh. It shouldn't be this hard. I really want to become part of a church. I really wish Mass weren't something I had to sit there and be forced to ignore many aspects (music, people, liturgically illicit "homilies"). Why why why do I have to go through this each week? It's not fair. I know, life's not fair, but why can't there just be one? Or, if there is one, why can't someone let me in on the secret? Maybe I just need to drive up to Denver every week and go to Holy Ghost. But...three hours of driving every Sunday...I don't know.

Anyway, the point of this post was that I really miss my friends, Notre Dame, and...my friends at Notre Dame. And I really want to go up to that Pitt game. There are a few reasons I'm hesitant, aside from the money question (although, there's that, too). But I really want to go. I miss them.

Life Matters.

I am going to preface by saying that this Sunday is Respect Life Sunday. And we really need to. Really, really need to.

I discovered today on my lunch break that there's a new pro-Obama website, launched by a "pro-life Catholic" (allegedly). That's what I get for checking some blogs during lunch. Psh. Seriously, that website just...it's beyond words. I cannot believe a Catholic can be so completely adamant about getting Obama elected, especially a Catholic who claims to be so pro-life. Those two things simply do not mesh at all. In one of the comments of the post I linked to, someone posted a letter (or part of a letter) from the bishop of Scranton, in which he says "Another argument goes like this: “As wrong as abortion is, I don't think it is the only relevant ‘life’ issue that should be considered when deciding for whom to vote.” This reasoning is sound only if other issues carry the same moral weight as abortion does, such as in the case of euthanasia and destruction of embryos for research purposes. Health care, education, economic security, immigration, and taxes are very important concerns. Neglect of any one of them has dire consequences as the recent financial crisis demonstrates. However, the solutions to problems in these areas do not usually involve a rejection of the sanctity of human life in the way that abortion does." (You can read it all here.) That's the thing. Yeah, other issues are important. But how can we consider something to be important when we flippantly ignore the lives of so many that are being tossed away like trash? When there are babies who are aborted, yet somehow survive, and, if Obama gets his way, will simply be left to die? How on earth can you tell me that taxes are more important than that? Nothing is more important than respecting life. All life. Including those helpless babies that have no choice, no say in what goes on.

I have a feeling that people are going to try to push aside these really important issues in favor of the current mood caused by the economic crisis, and that Obama is going to win. Because, really, babies who haven't even been born yet aren't that much worth my time when I have to worry about money. Life's all about money, after all, isn't it? (Yes, I'm being sarcastic. Sure, money's important, but what's money without life? What will Russia do when there are no longer enough people to support the economy? Seriously, 64% of pregnancies there apparently end in abortions. Almost two abortions per live birth. That means that if you're a baby that was just conceived, you have a better chance of being killed in the womb than being born. But ok, we're not talking about Russia. And we're nowhere near that in America. Still, though.) Call me crazy, but I can't help but thinking that all this economic crisis stuff is coming right now, so close to the election, because the devil is seriously trying to undermine any good that the pro-life community has done, and trying to undo whatever progress had been made with the McCain-Palin ticket. I know that this is something that has been stewing for years, decades even, but isn't it possible that it's all coming out like this now for a reason? The devil is smarter than people give him credit for. More real, too. I don't want to know what will happen to the country if Obama is elected. I think the devil knows and is excited at the prospect.

I gave up coffee for the 40 Days for Life. Yeah, it's really nothing. I mean, it's a little bit of a sacrifice for me (especially since I'm getting closer every day to being mostly caffeine-free, which I am not used to), but it's nothing compared to these big issues. And no, me not drinking coffee for forty days isn't going to keep women from aborting their babies. But each time I think about having a cup of coffee, each time I walk past the coffee pot with delicious, hot liquid just waiting for someone to drink it and manage to keep myself from partaking, I think about why I'm doing it. And I say a little prayer. And I have to think that that will do something. I can't do anything by myself. God can do anything, though. And maybe he'll see my little tiny insignificant sacrifice, and hear my random simple prayers, and turn it into something bigger, along with all the sacrifices and prayers people are making around the country, around the world, all for one purpose.

Yeah, maybe it's a losing attempt, in the end. Maybe all this will end up doing is make me free from my coffee (and caffeine) addiction. Maybe Obama will get elected and get rid of all and every restriction on abortion, from now until forever, and babies in their mothers' wombs will never again be safe. But, as I read in Archbishop Chaput's Render Unto Caesar* (which, yes, I did finish, and which is, yes, quite good), it's about being faithful. It's not about getting results. All we can do as Catholics is to vote in a way that honors God and what he calls us to do as Catholics, as humans. "Many social issues are important. Many require our attention. But some issues have more weight than others. Deliberately killing innocent human life, or standing by and allowing it, dwarfs all other sotical issues. Trying to avoid this fact by redefining when human personhood begins is simply a corrupt and corrupting form of verbal gymnastics." And those people who admit that the baby is a baby, a person, from the moment of conception, yet still say that it should be the woman's choice? How does that make sense at all? I know how they make it make sense to them, but it will never, ever, ever make sense to me. I mean, I recently read a biography of St. Gianna Beretta Molla who, if you don't know, gave up her life for that of her unborn child. She refused to have an abortion that would have saved her life when it was discovered she had a tumor in her uterus. She had three other children at home, and to many today, the choice would be obvious. Instead, she carried the baby to term and died a few days after giving birth, hoping during her entire pregnancy that God would give her and her family a miracle. She was prepared for whatever would happen though, and just wanted to make sure that her baby would survive.

Most abortions that happen are not for reasons anywhere near that severe. And yet they still happen. And I can't understand it. I mean, on one level I can understand why people have abortions. I just...I can't put myself in their place to the point where they go through with it. I would never, ever be able to do that, under any circumstances. And I can't understand how the men in this country stand by and let it happen. Shouldn't men fight for their children? (Of course, mothers should too, but I guess when the father is fighting for his child against the mother, he has next to no chance.) Men today don't know how to be men anymore. Too many have become wimpy pushovers, willing to do whatever will make the majority happy. They don't have values to fight for anymore, so they just go with "Yay choice, do whatever feels good, if you want to." We women need to start forcing men to take up their God-given role as protectors and fighters for what is right. No, I'm not advocating going back to the days when women were ignored, suppressed, all that nonsense. But, whether or not we want to admit it, men have certain roles they're supposed to fill, and women have others. Sometimes they overlap, but men and women are different. And men don't know how to fight for right and moral and good anymore. They don't even know what it is. No one does. Our culture is so messed up, I sometimes wonder if it's just beyond saving. At least the bishops in the country (some of them, a few good men) have started showing more backbone lately than I remember happening in recent years. Of course, I haven't been paying attention all that long in the grand scheme of things, but there are bishops who are pulling no punches this year, and it's great. The Catholic Church needs more leadership like that. Our country needs leadership like that. If it's from the bishops, then hey, that's wonderful. I just hope other start to pick up the torches some of these bishops are lighting all over the country.

Sorry. I didn't mean to go on this rambly rant, especially that last paragraph or two (I don't think it even makes sense, or follows what I was saying before, except in my own head). But seriously. I feel this strongly about very few things, and I feel very strongly about it. I'm not sure why, except for the fact that it goes against everything I feel and think and believe, as a Catholic, as a woman, as a person, as an American. I very seriously hope to have kids someday, and while I know that not every woman feels the same way, I can't understand how someone can discover she's pregnant and decide very willingly (sometimes not so willingly, too, unfortunately, which is another problem with easy-access abortions) to kill her own child. It's like adoption isn't even part of the equation anymore. But I guess it doesn't have to be, and that's why I can understand on another level how a woman can do that. Abortion isn't as big a deal as it really needs to be. There's still a stigma, sure, but there needs to be a bigger stigma. Women shouldn't feel comfortable that they've had an abortion. They shouldn't feel free. They shouldn't feel empowered. It goes against what being a woman is, fundamentally, whether she wants kids or not. I don't think any women who's had an abortion actually feels comfortable, free, empowered, or anything else positive about it, despite what she might say. I think deep down, every women hurts from it. They mourn, even if they don't know or acknowledge it. At least, I hope they do. And I hope that when they realize that they are mourning, there are people around who can help them through the pain. Lots of people around the country do just that, helping women deal and come to terms with what they did. And that's fantastic. But I sincerely hope that one day, people won't need to help women come to terms with their abortions. Because I refuse to give up hope that abortion will not one day become illegal, and eventually become a thing of the past, a shameful mark on our country and world that we have to live with, learn from, and move past.

Again, sorry for the rant. Luckily for me, very few people read this, and those that do probably won't critique my very weak arguments. Or at least, they won't critique them harshly. But hey, I guess if you want to, go right ahead. And if you do, that's what I get for having a blog, and for writing a serious post about a controversial topic.

I'm fired up, people, and I have to get it out somewhere.

Oh, and to tie this to the beginning of the post (because I've clearly gone off the track a bit here), don't tell me you're staunchly pro-life and Catholic, and because of that you can see no choice but to vote for Obama. If that's what you think, you need to look up a) Obama's pro-abortion beliefs and votes, b) what it means to be Catholic, c) the Catholic position on abortion, and d) the definition of pro-life. Yes, being pro-life means working to make life better for everyone. But how can we do that if we can't even guarantee to protect the lives of the most innocent and helpless? Do we really just care about those who are here now, those who have managed to make it safely into the world? I'm not saying we need more people in the world. But we need people. We need to respect people. And that includes the unborn people. If we can't respect those, how can we respect each other? This might seem overzealous and crazy and all those adjectives given to staunch pro-lifers, but whether or not you want to believe it, it's true. Everything we do has a consequence. Especially when we let the littlest members of our society die because we're too busy worrying about ourselves to bother caring about them. It's all correlated. And I have to tell you, the Catholic Church really knows what she's talking about, and has for many, many years. So don't try to tell me that Obama knows more about being prolife than the Catholic Church. Don't tell me that Obama, who is more pro-abortion than even Planned Parenthood, will reduce abortions through whatever "changes" he has up his sleeve. Maybe some women would opt not to abort because of something he might do in office, but a lot of women just abort because "it's not the right time" or they're "not ready". Obama doesn't care about reducing abortions. Maybe he thinks it'd be nice, but I certainly don't trust him to do anything that will reduce abortions.


*I really liked this quote from Chaput, page 188 of his book, but it doesn't really fit it much with the rest of this rant, so I'm just going to put it down here while I'm thinking about it and have the book right in front of me. It's so true. "American Catholics face none of the direct persecution that so many Christians around the world routinely endure. We might be more alive if we did. Instead, we're weighed down by distraction, indifference, and comfort; by all the moral narcotics that come with an open and materially abundant society." I know it would be terrible and I don't want it to happen, but sometimes I wonder if another depression (perhaps not quite as bad as the last, because I don't think many Americans today would be able to survive something like that...) would be so terrible for our moral and spiritual well-being. We don't really have to rely much on God anymore, or even think about him, because we have all this Stuff. Yay Stuff. Maybe if our access to Stuff was greatly reduced, we'd remember why we're here in the first place, and what's really important. Oh, and maybe we'd remember how to be Catholics again, beyond going to Mass on Sundays in between football games. Who knows.

Fine, fine, I'll post.

I was informed tonight that I've been slacking on my blogging. (It's been like...two full days without a post!)

I don't feel like writing much though.

So, tell me. My friends (well, Katherine, Julie, and Bethany, also Oscar and Nick Schott) are apparently going to be at the Pitt game on Nov. 1. It's right in between Julie and Katherine's 23 birthdays, and that's Halloween too, so there might be some shenanigans going on there. I can get a ticket from Denver to O'Hare for $179 total. Oh man, I so want to go. Just today I was thinking about how much I miss ND. Specifically, oddly, Library Circle. I spent quite a lot of time being driven to and dropped off there last year. Holds kind of a special place in my heart now. But I don't know. It'd mean taking another day off of work, that Friday, and obviously the money to get out there...but it'd also mean seeing my wonderful friends again, who also hold quite a special place in my heart. I kind of like them. And then the Backer too of course. Can't forget that one. But I don't know...Oh, so the "tell me" part. Should I, or should I not? Dad, if he reads this, does not get a vote, because we all know how he'd vote.

Also, unrelated, I realized yesterday that annoying as it is that the days are getting shorter (and it's practically dark by 7pm now), soon it'll be even worse. When we change the clocks, we gain an hour, but that means that as dark as it is at 7 now, it'll be that dark at 6. And it'll be even darker by then, too. All this boils down to the fact that I probably won't be seeing much sunlight soon, since I'll get just a little before work, and it'll probably be mostly dark by the time I get out before too long. This means that I won't get to take Hazel to the dog park except on the weekends because you can't take her when it's dark out, and it also means I'm going to have to be taking her for walks after work in the dark, which I don't exactly like...I'd be more willing to put up with this if it would just start feeling like fall one of these days. Sunday has some potential. Anyway. I wish there were windows in the office at work. The store has the front windows, that whole front wall and whatnot, but the office part doesn't. It's sad. Anyway though.

Tom brought home a Charlotte spider from the place he's been staying the past few months, where it would have met an untimely death had he left it there. So now it's set up shop under the overhang of our porch, next to the wall. Tom and Dad are quite enjoying feeding it and watching it re-spin its web and all that jazz. I almost am not disgusted by it. I still wouldn't let it crawl on me or anything though.

There. A post.