Overhaul

Ok. My room needs a major overhaul. Desperately. More than desperately. So, here's what's going to happen. Since I don't have any week-long vacations coming up (oh, how I miss fall breaks in October), I have to do it on the weekends. Good luck trying to get me to do that on a weekday night. I thereby am proposing that Saturday, October 11, there is going to be some major room-cleaning going on. No, not cleaning. Purging. I am going to do my absolutely DARNDEST to overcome my ridiculous packrat tendencies and get rid of a great deal of the, let's face it, crap that clutters my entire room. I have a fairly big room. I miss being able to use it.

The idea of doing this is far more than overwhelming, but it has to happen. I have too much stuff, and I can feel it. It's no good for me or anyone (not only is my room filled to the brim, but I have stuff in the hallway, which is pathetic, and stuff in the basement, and stuff in Peter's old room which is now a guest room-type deal). It's just...I don't know how I have so much stuff. Some of it might be legit. But some of it? Not so much. (Wrapping paper? From some birthday? That I felt the need to keep, so I could remember that birthday? Clearly that didn't work. I don't need it. I don't need all that stuff. I need to learn how to let go. Seriously. Especially because, someday, I hope to move out. And I don't think I want to be moving all that stuff. And I certainly don't want to be keeping it here. My parents don't want it either, believe me.)

So. Purging. Cleaning. Changing beds from a queen to a twin (really, why would I need more than a twin?). Getting a dresser. How I don't have a dresser, I just don't get. Oh, getting rid of the TV I don't use anymore will be nice, too. Not to mention clearing a good amount of space.

I don't know how I've lived like this for so long. I mean, I guess it helps that for the better part of the last four years, I haven't really lived in that room for very long at a time. And it hasn't been that bad the whole time I was at college. I'm pretty sure it was at least fairly clean my first year or two. But not so much anymore. So...yeah. Pathetic. I'm very much ashamed of it, too. A change has been necessary for awhile now. I just hope I can get myself actually to do it. It's so overwhelming. I mean, in order to move my bed (and get a smaller one in there), I need to clear out the area around it, because it's there in the corner. But to move that stuff, I need to have a dresser to put the clothes and such (which are, largely, at the moment sitting - folded - in some laundry baskets at the foot of the bed). But there's no room for a dresser right now, and the way my room is set up (I think I might have to move some things around...haven't quite figured that part out yet though. Have to buy a dresser first, then figure out where to put it) there isn't an obvious place to put it before doing some major cleaning of parts of the room. So basically, it's a matter of having no idea where to start. No idea at all. It's all so overwhelming. Hence why I haven't done this in so long, probably, even though it needs it.

The thought of this almost makes me want to cry, honestly. Maybe if you saw my room, you'd be able to understand why. Or maybe if you saw my room knowing how much of a ridiculous packrat I am, you'd understand why. But I need to. I NEED to. Desperately. Next Saturday might be a stretch, because I'm already committed to help out with a walk for diabetes cure thing at the zoo (I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be there at 7am to help. That is early, people), but maybe I can get a start. But the Saturday after that, as of right now I have no plans aside from watching Notre Dame (if it's on TV, which right now isn't guaranteed since it's against North Carolina, at North Carolina, so who knows what channel it'll be on or if it'll be broadcast at all, or at least if it will be here). I guess I'm hoping that by putting it in writing here, I'll have to hold myself to it. Man would it be nice to have a clean organized room again. So very nice. And to be rid of a lot of the clutter I currently have disorganizing my life. Not cool.

Anyway. That's that.

Hazelbutt!

(And yes, that is what she almost always does when we drive places. She really likes hanging out the window. Unless, I've discovered, it's above 40mph. I think the wind gets to be a bit too much for her at speeds like that. But man, it's so cute. Her little ears get all flippy and stuff. She's so cute.)

Be privy to my random thoughts of a Wednesday night

Ok, so maybe I was wrong about the "you should know after dating for one year" thing. I know that can't possibly apply to all people (and I certainly don't think people who start dating in high school should get married within a few years. In that case, it's perfectly sensible to wait awhile).

Like I said, I don't know anything. But it's all good.

For example, I didn't know that the term "sitting Indian style" has now been renamed, in the almighty pursuit of political correctness, to "criss-cross applesauce." Apparently this is being used in elementary schools and whatnot. I wonder what they call Indian giving now. Although I doubt even that was used in elementary schools when I was that age...

The highs for tomorrow and Friday are both 82 degrees. End of September, and it's 82 degrees. Isn't it supposed to start getting cooler? We had one day this month that was so lovely (and I think I missed one when I was at ND), the Monday after I was at ND, and it felt so fall-y and wonderful and I loved it. And since then, practically, it's just been 70s and sun, sun, sunny. With no end in sight. I sure hope we get one of those October early snowstorms like we usually do.

Oh, and it was already quite dark by 7:30 tonight. So bizarre. I know it happens every year, but it's still weird every year.

Question: Do people actually say, in real life, "I'm carrying your child"? I mean, they say it on TV shows soap operas and whatnot (like Grey's Anatomy, where someone says it to McDreamy, and I only know that because it's on the commercial for the season premiere that I've seen once or twice. Believe me, commercials are all I ever watch of that show), but it seems like it'd be weird to hear in real life. But then, I don't know when I would ever have an opportunity to hear someone say that to someone else, because it seems that it's typically done when some jilted ex-girlfriend or a one-night stand is telling the guy that she's pregnant. And I'm pretty sure I would never be privy to one of those conversations. So maybe people do really say it. Hm.

Oh, I managed to go coffee-less today, even though I got less sleep last night than I have in a couple weeks, at least. Surprisingly, no headache, but I did have a couple cups of tea (not sure how much caffeine was in either, though) and a soda. Which I do want to cut back on. But the thought of no reliable caffeine source, cold-turkey, scares me a little. In a "I really like my caffeine!" sort of way. But it also is intriguing, too...maybe this will be my first little step towards a greatly reduced caffeine intake. (But...if I stop drinking soda, and don't pick up drinking coffee again, what will I give up come Lent? I'm telling you, one of these days, it will be Internet. Non-work-related, obviously. Whoo boy, that's a daunting idea.)

Recently I've been exposed to a lot of Paul Simon. Which is ok, because I happen to love Paul Simon. I think that I know more words to the Graceland album than any other CD I own. Even Josh Groban. Ah, Norah Jones may be up there too (the first album, at least). But man. It doesn't get much better than Graceland. Or Paul Simon. So, so good. (So good! So good! So good! Oh, sorry, that's Neil Diamond. Who is also pretty good.) His lyrics are so great. Thinking specifically about Graceland, since those are the songs I know the best. And a few Simon and Garfunkel songs. (Garfunkel. What a weird name. He was doomed from the start.) Anyway. Yay for Paul Simon.

Know what? It'd be really nice to be not so insecure about things once in awhile. I am insecure about ev.ry.thing. It's really very stressful, did you know that? Very stressful.

So I was driving home after work today, and was probably more than halfway home when I remembered that it's Wednesday and we have our chiropractor appointments on Wednesdays. I didn't go the last two weeks because...I forget why two weeks ago, and last week she was closed. So maybe I was just out of the routine. Anyway. So I turned around, because she's pretty much just south and a little west from where I work, and I live east from where I work. Instead of getting there by 5:15 or so as I normally would, I got there closer to 5:30. Sort of annoying. I really didn't want to go once I remembered I had the appointment, but I did want to because I hadn't been in three weeks. Anyway. I just felt dumb for forgetting and wasting that time. Ah well. Oh, and then there's the fact that every week I go, it's a trial of patience. Usually I have to wait an excruciatingly long time (only excruciating because a lot of the time, it's like there's no one there in front of me, or just one or two people, and yet I'm sitting around waiting upwards of half an hour). And then driving home afterward I always get stuck behind all the Slowy Slowersons. It's like they know...Anyway. Unfortunately I'm too addicted to chiropractic care to stop going...

I've been a bad Red Sox fan this season, but I can still take pleasure in this: the Yankees did not make the postseason this year. First time since 1995. Sa-weeeeet!

I don't get why some people refuse to acknowledge that I'm trying to get ahold of them...through many various avenues...Come on, at least give me something. Maybe I should take a hint, huh?

Anyway. I need sleep tonight.

A few rants, apparently

So, I decided to check out my fantasy football team for this week, see who's projected for what, who has byes, etc. Imagine my surprise when 9 out of my 16 players (bench and active) have byes this week. What? Four separate teams. Ridiculous. I had to drop a WR and one of my defense/special teams because I didn't have anyone on my bench to play instead, because my backup players had byes too. Bizarre. Sigh. I don't like letting go of players. Although, in doing that, I decided to drop one of my players who didn't have a bye, because he just hasn't been very good and there were some available players who have been doing better.

Anyway. Oh well.

Oh man. Driving home tonight (from seeing Iron Man, which I hadn't seen before, and only paid $.75 to see tonight yay Tuesday night discount at the dollar theater. It was much better than I had originally expected when it came out, but I guess I figured it might be better than I thought when everyone kept saying how great it was), I got stopped at a red light on Murray. Unfortunately, there was one car in both of the two lanes, so I didn't get front row. I figured at least one would know how to accelerate, and if it happened to be the one I wasn't behind, I'd be able to get around the other eventually. I was wrong. They both went the exact. same. speed from that light to Constitution, where I turn off of Murray. It's at least a mile between the light where I was stopped and the light where I turn. Well, maybe. I really have no idea. Anyway, these two cars went the same speed, and that speed hadn't even hit the speed limit (35) by the time I turned. It took a good minute or something before they managed to get to 30. I couldn't believe it. It was like they had planned it, planned making Susie annoyed by their tag-teaming to keep me stuck behind them, going not even the speed limit. Eh whatever. Worse things have happened. (But dude. Why do people do that?)

Since I'm apparently on a rant kick, I just read something that's no surprise and isn't news, but never fails to bother me a great deal. I was reading (well, barely) this thread somewhere about moving in before getting married. Someone said that, from a practical and financial standpoint, most engaged couples live together. I know this is true, but that doesn't make it ok. And then there's the people who say it'd be crazy not to, because how can you truly get to know the person you're going to marry (or are planning on marrying) without living together? Gah it's just so frustrating that people just don't get it. It's so frustrating I could cry. It's amazing how people rationalize this stuff. And rationalize they do. Oh boy do they. Sometimes I wonder if they're trying to convince everyone else, or themselves.

Yeah, the financial reasons are tempting, sure. But why not just bite the bullet and get married if you're at that point? (And no, I don't think marriage should really be a bite the bullet, taken lighty type of thing. But hopefully you know what I'm saying.) I don't understand people dating for years on end. What's going to change between the first year of dating and the fifth? I mean, I realize that I have absolutely no real basis for talking here, having datedbeen in a relationship for a total of about one month of the entire...276 months I've been alive, so what do I really know about what happens from the second year of being in a relationship with someone to the third, and fourth, and fifth, and so on. And I also realize that I obviously have different ideas on dating and marriage than a lot of people (for example, I wouldn't want to remain in a relationship for even a year if I didn't know it was going somewhere. I wouldn't want to stay in one for even longer than a few months if I didn't think it was someone I could possibly/probably marry). Again, based on zero real-life experience. And I realize that sometimes there are understandable extenuating circumstances that necessitate a longer dating/engagement period. But that's not the point. The point is, I don't get why people wait so long to move their relationships forward. I guess a lot of it might be because there's no incentive. Especially if they're already living together. It's practically marriage, right, so what's the point? (I would also like to point out that I'm by no means saying I think people should get married six weeks after they start dating. Obviously. But this dating for three years then getting engaged? Or getting engaged and staying that way for five years? I don't get that.)

Argh I'm making my head explode. Why do I do this to myself? It's fighting a losing battle. I just hate that it's a given that people in my age group barely bat an eye at living together, or even just sleeping together, and people just accept that. "Oh, well, that's the way it is." And it seems like there's just no point trying to argue it, because too many people say "I don't think God really cares who I'm sleeping with, or that I'm sleeping with someone at all." Too many people think it's just not a big deal. Hey, it's nature, we can't really be expected to control ourselves, can we?

Ok, it's getting too serious around here. Maybe I'll have a more fun post sometime. But it'll probably just be Hazel-centric again.

My life is just not that exciting.

You wanna know why? This is why.

One Issue Among Many?

"In politics we are ever dealing with the righting of wrongs, the relief of injuries, the doing of justice - whether in health care, the laying of taxes, or hazarding young men in war. Every one of these issues hinges on the prior question of just what constitutes the “person” who is the bearer of these interests and rights - and the object of our concern. The question of slavery was central in the way that others were not because it touched the core of the question that affected the rights of everyone else on every other issue. And yet, 150 years later, a population showing far higher levels of formal education cannot quite grasp the same point when it comes to them as a matter of recognizing the human standing of our own offspring."

Football, Hair, and Church. Um...what?

Ok, a bit of fantasy football talk again. Hey, it happens every week, deal with it.

I played Dad this week. Well, technically we're still playing because I have one guy who's playing in the game tonight. It looks like I'm guaranteed to win because I currently have 66 points and Dad has 65, and all his players played yesterday. Although, who knows, the one guy I have could completely screw up and get negative points. It's possible. Anyway, the way fantasy football works is you draft a QB, a few running backs, some wide receivers (two RBs, two WRs, and one of either one of those play each week), a tight end, a kicker, and one team's defense/special teams. And then players for the bench, too, to replace your regular players when one of them has a bye week. Or just to switch out depending on what team is playing what team, because that makes a difference. Anyway. Normally the high point players are the QB, RBs, and WRs. Kickers and tight ends generally get a few points, maybe up to ten or so each if you're lucky. Defense/special teams are usually good for somewhere up to ten too, but not usually that much. This week, I played my New England defense because they were projected to have a pretty good game (they were playing Miami, after all, who aren't very good). Seemed like a safe bet. And then New England went and sucked it up, and the defense got me -7 points. That's right. Minus seven. My benched defense, Seattle, got 9. Positive 9. The defense Dad had, the Ravens? They got 21. That is just ridiculous! And that's the whole point of this paragraph. Just to tell you how bizarre that my dad's defense got 21 points this week. I don't even know how that's possible. I guess 3 interceptions, 5 sacks, and only 10 points allowed is how it's possible. Hm.

(And, ok, so the way I just explained fanatsy football might not be completely accurate for everyone. I think other people like to do a lot more trading around than I do, so they might not have someone to replace anyone on their team at any given time. Just when they need to. But whatever.)

In other even less exciting news (everyone say it with me: there's something that's actually less exciting? Perhaps this isn't surprising - it is my life, after all), I got my hair cut on Saturday. Mom had this gift certificate to some place, and I don't have a regular hairdresser I go to, so she gave it to me since she does have one. And darn it all if I didn't love the haircut I got. The fact that it was free was, of course, lovely, but wow. I've never walked out of a haircut so impressed. And normally I really dislike my hair right after I get it cut because they always style it and I always think it looks weird styled (since the extent of "styling" I do to my hair is straightening it to get the little waves and kinks out, and to try to keep it from flipping it out at the ends. It may be a style, but it's definitely not my style). People keep telling me I can just ask the person doing my hair not to style it, but for some reason I think I'd be perceived as rude or something for doing that. I don't know. I'm weird. Anyway. So aside from the fact that this lady sort of emphasized the flippy-outiness of my hair when she styled it, I was so impressed with the whole thing. She really knew what she was doing (she's been doing it for a long time, so I'd hope she knows what she's doing), and it was quick and painless and turned out really well. I wasn't too bummed by the styling job she did, either. It was not my style, but not awful either. So I was just so happy about it. And I still am. Very happy. My hair is one thing that I might be vain about. (Which means I'll probably lose it in some sort of candle-flame-meets-hair accident, or something like that.) Anyway, it's not like I got anything drastic done (I'm not the drastic type), so it's basically the haircut I had before, but a few inches shorter. I think it looks cute. I don't know about everyone else, but darnit, I don't care. :-)

Also: The lack of a church I go to consistently and actually don't have to struggle through Mass is really taking its toll on me. I mean, I'm thankful that I have a Mass to go to, because I know lots of people don't even do that. (But I can't help but think that maybe a little persecution might be good for some of us American Catholics who take it for granted that we can show up at all times of the day on Sundays, sit in our cushy pews, and not really have to hear anything too challenging. And then go home and get on with our Sunday. Maybe if Mass weren't so available, so "We can fit around your whole schedule! No need to make room for Mass, because we'll fit in whenever you can make room for us!" people would be slightly more reverent. More appreciative of what's going on. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows. Anyway though, I don't understand how a diocese this big, with a bishop as great and seemingly traditional as we have, can manage to have not a single traditional, reverent, beautiful Mass for those of us who aren't big fans of songs written by Protestants, or happy-clappy music, or altar server girls who wear flip flops, or people who don't realize that the time before Mass is not social hour and that people might actually be trying to - hold on to your hats - PRAY!

I mean, maybe somewhere in the diocese, in the many churches, at one Mass in one of those churches, there's a traditional Mass. But none that I've heard of. And I work with a bunch of people who mostly pretty much feel the same way I do, and who are in the same boat I am. I think most of them do have a regular church, though. I just feel so...floaty, and I want to be grounded. I guess to be really honest, what I want is to have the Basilica every week again. Boy did I get spoiled. But back to the point. Well, I guess that's all I had to say. I just wish I could find a place that no one could ever mistake for being even a little bit Protestant. If I wanted Protestant, I'd go be Protestant somewhere. I want Catholic. Good, traditional, smells and bells, reverent, deep Catholic.

Oh, and, I really hate it when people use "Didn't Jesus say 'Let those without sin cast the first stone'?" to justify letting people continue to sin. Way to miss the point there, Sparky.

Need some entertainment? You've come to the right place!

I feel like sharing some excellent youtube videos.

First we have the Office. With scenes like this:

Oh man that's good stuff. Oh man! One of the related videos is this one:

It's so funny. But probably only if you actually watch the show...soooo...you all should be watching. Because it's so funny.

Next, some wonderful, beautimus Yo-Yo Ma. Boy do I love him:

I'm thinking about making that my ringtone. It's just so wonderful.

Also wonderful? Michael Buble. Unfortunately, I can't embed this one, but if you feel like listening to a fun song, go listen to/watch Everything.

And there's always Josh Groban.

I can't believe I just put that in my blog. It's September, Christmas is three months away, and that song (or that version, at least) does nothing but evoke feelings of Christmas for me. But eh, that's ok. It's lovely.

oooh, while I'm sharing some of my favorite artists, I'd be remiss to leave out a few from Celtic Woman:

And one of my favorites from their newest (?) CD:

I'm quite a big fan of their Christmas CD too, and oh I can't wait to listen to that one again. All I need at Christmas are my Josh Groban and Celtic Woman CD, with a few ventures over to KKLI with their 24/7 Christmas music, and maybe some James Taylor too. Oh, and can't forget about Mannheim Steamroller. Particularly Fresh Aire Christmas. Mmm. Man, now I got myself wishing it were Christmas. And it's not even October. (Although it really feels like it should be, for some reason. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that with the newsletters we send out at work, they're always a month in advance of the feast we emphasize. So for the past couple of months I've been feeling like it should be a month later than it is. It's weird.)

Well, I guess that's enough.

Wow.

How do people actually believe this stuff? When Not Aborting is Immoral. What a sad society we live in.

Time to make some changes

Wednesday the 24th is the start of the 40 Days for Life. I am planning on participating, thankfully Colorado Springs has an organized campaign going for it, and am hoping I can commit myself to go down to the (hopefully) 24/7 vigil at the Planned Parenthood downtown once a week during the 40 days. I'm also considering giving up coffee. The idea scares me a little bit, as I love me some coffee, and I have two cups a day normally (except most weekend days). But I am quite enjoying tea lately, and that might be able to replace the coffee. It's better for me, for sure, and really, coffee doesn't make me feel that great a lot of the time. Plus, the point is to make a sacrifice, and you'd better believe giving up coffee will be a sacrifice. We'll see if I can actually go through with it.

I'm also thinking I have to reduce greatly my Internet usage at home. I have this great book that I've started to read, and would really like to finish soon, and I have like three other books I've started that I would also like to finish at some point, and really, Internet gets me nothing. But I sign on at night, start doing whatever it is that I do that manages to suck hours of my life, and then before I know it it's 11pm and I need to go to bed. And it just accomplishes nothing. So maybe if I have some sort of impetus (like saving babies), it'll help give me the motivation I need. And really, doing that will help all areas of my life.

So anyway. Yep.

Things that are making me smile tonight

"Am I scared of a stupid computer? Please. The computer should be scared of me."

"How about instead of yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper, you get back to your desk, and start selling multiple reams like a man."

"How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well what if the recipient is your notary?"

"They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? So tell me how a putt-putt golf company operates."

"The poor boy changes clothes and puts on aftershave to compensate for his ordinary shoes."

(Intentional cake-wreckage by my parents, who know how to make me laugh.)

(Hm, Susie, take Hazel pictures much? (And argh every single picture I take of her has those crazy green eyes in it. I swear, her eyes aren't actually green.))

Barack Obama. (Just kidding. Shudder.)

Having tickets for both the Nutcracker over Thanksgiving weekend (Yay!!!), and the philharmonic's second Classical Masterworks show of the season, the cello one. (And the best part? Both sets were birthday gifts! Although one I most certainly did not deserve.)

Finding out that my older brother may be moving back home, temporarily (but back to the Springs not-so-temporarily), sooner than I expected. How exciting!

Isn't life great? How can it be anything but when I've got the Peak to look at every single day? I mean, really. Not to mention great people in my life. And the Puppy. And so many good things, like food, and clothes, and a house. Oh, and of course, The Office.

Riddle me this

Something came up at work today that I hadn't really thought seriously about before. What are we, as faithful Catholics, obligated to do in this upcoming election? I mean, the easy answer is "DON'T VOTE FOR OBAMA." That's pretty much a given, I think. So the default, then, would be to say "VOTE FOR MCCAIN." Because, as we all know, America has only two parties and only two candidates from which to choose. But it's not that simple. Yes, Sarah Palin is amazing, and wonderful, and great. And completely solidly pro-life. Pro-life so that I would have no qualms voting for her if she were running for president. But the thing is, she's not. She's running as VP to McCain. McCain, who has some questionable beliefs. Not the least of which is his position on stem cell research. (Hey, did you know that there are two kinds of stem cells, and that one has yielded a great deal of success, without destroying lives, and the other has yielded absolutely zero success, and has destroyed countless lives? Yeah, look it up. There has even been some success making adult stem cells act like much younger stem cells so that they might be as workable as the embryonic, and maybe soon will get to that point completely so that there will be zero need even to try to make embryonic fix ANYTHING.)

Last week I went to a talk here by Fr. Tad Pacholczyk, a leader in the bioethics discussion especially where it concerns Catholicism. (Wait, is that repetitive?) It was really good, and made me consider things I hadn't before. I'll admit, while I've always been against embryonic stem cell research, it's been sort of low on my list of priorities of things to be against. But after going to that talk, it's a lot higher. I mean, all the life issues are important, and we can't ignore any of them. And the fact of the matter is, as Catholics we have to be against embryonic stem cell research even if it was found to be successful in battling diseases and whatnot. The fact that it currently doesn't, at all, just makes it easier. But there is no way that we can put one life as more valuable than another's. A life is a life is a life. And that's why I'm starting to have hesitations about whether or not I should even vote for McCain. I mean, he was always going to be the lesser of two evils for me. But is that good enough? There are parties out there that have wholly and solidly pro-life platforms. And I'm pretty sure that if there is someone to vote for who embodies all the Catholic life issue teachings, we as Catholics should vote for that person. I haven't entirely looked into it, but I'm pretty sure there is someone who more fully agrees with the life issues than McCain. (Although...I don't know for sure. And if there is, there might be other negative aspects to that person that would make me not really want to vote for him.)

Soo...I don't know. I bought Render Unto Caesar today, which I was going to do anyway because Dad said wanted to read it the other day. But now I want to read it too, to see what he says. (Archbishop Chaput is pretty awesome, in case you didn't know.) Maybe it'll have some insight.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, someone tell me what to do. In the big grand scheme of things, I'm sure my vote won't make a difference one way or another. But there's two parts to this: the part of me that worries that if I don't vote for McCain, Obama will win, and the part that wonders how I'll feel if I vote for McCain and he either does nothing for the pro-life cause, or does something to hurt it. I just don't know. Perhaps I'll go read that book and find some answers. I'll let you know.

The real question is: Is there anyone to vote for?

I could go on and on about the cuteness.

Last night was one of the weirdest nights of sleep I've had in awhile. I woke up sometime around 5:15 following a bad dream I had (which I now can't remember, but it had something to do with someone coming into the house. But it wasn't this house). I was confused as to why I woke up, and then remembered the dream and figured I must have scared myself awake even though I don't remember it being very scary. Anyway. And then I woke up again like an hour later for some reason, but it was still before my alarm was going to go off, so I could go back to sleep. Oh, and I had another dream in that time span too, which is pretty much completely gone now. I think it was just weird because I can't remember the last time I woke up before my alarm, and I can't remember the last time I had such vivid dreams that actually stuck with me. For a little while, at least. Maybe it was because I - gasp! - got almost 7 hours of sleep last night, and my body was all like "Whaaaa??? More than 5.5 hours???"

The 10 day weather forecast is BO. RING. It's like all mid 70s and sunny. I guess that's nice enough, but man I can't wait for October fall weather. (Although tonight I was remembering last October, and how up in South Bend summer didn't end until late October so there were still plenty of nights even in October where I would be sleeping over all my covers, with the fan on, and still very hot. Because it was hot. And humid. And I lived on the 4th floor. Without AC. (Not that I would ever want AC, even then.) So yeah. October doesn't mean it'll be cool. But this is Colorado, so I'm pretty much guaranteed a cold night at least on Halloween, if not before. And on the bright side, at least it's still nice in the evenings so there's a bit more motivation for me to take Hazel for a walk. On Monday night, I went to Palmer Park with her at like...6:30 or 7, so it was just as the sun was going down (man the sun is going down so early lately!), and it was just lovely out. I was wearing a sweatshirt, and there was a hint of fall chill in the air, but it had been a nice day so it wasn't too cold or anything. Just lovely. I do like that.

Oh, and tonight I took Hazel to the dog park (as in, the enclosed baseball field-sized area where people take their dogs to play), instead of taking her farther into Palmer Park to the dog walk area (where dogs are allowed unleashed). She's so darned cute. And such a wuss. Tonight she was actually venturing out a lot from me (sometimes we go and she refuses to go more than like a five foot radius from me), which was nice to see. But even though there were lots of other dogs there, and lots who were relatively close to her size, she of course is a big ol' wussy and decides to play with the little tiny didn't-look-like-it-was-older-than-10-weeks puppy, small enough to run under Hazel (and Hazel's not that big). But this puppy she could push around. So it was fun. I felt a little bad, though, but the owner didn't seem to mind. (I guess if you take a tiny puppy to the dog park, you have to expect bigger dogs to play with yours, since they're all going to be bigger.) Once that puppy left, a bit after that a pug showed up. Another dog smaller than Hazel. So of course she decides to play with that one. That owner was definitely ok with it, though, so it was fine. But yeah. What a bully dog I have. Except if the other dog is bigger, of course. Then she immediately falls to the ground in a submissive position. It's hilarious to see, really. She'll go sniff a dog, and as soon as it shows interest in running with her, chasing her, she just collapses to the ground. So pathetic. (But really cute and hilarious.)

Anyway.

We also played chase the basketball in one of the big fields at the entrance of Palmer Park, after she seemed like she was pretty much done with the dog park. This basically involves Hazel, a basketball, and someone's foot to kick the ball across the field. Hazel chases after it, stops it (or goes and touches it if it stops before she gets there), and waits for whoever's kicking the ball to walk over to the ball and kick it again. (Or, in some cases, kick the ground really hard on accident when trying to kick the ball...) She doesn't herd the basketball like she has with other, bigger balls we've used. She just chases it and stops. But whatever, it's still a good workout for her. Although, man, seeing her right now it's like she hasn't gotten any activity at all today. She has so much energy, I just don't get it. No, I do get it, but still. Wow. Oh, and we have to get her spayed, but when my dad called the place we want to take her (it's where we've gotten all our other pets spayed, and they're uber-cheap), the soonest they can get her in is like December 4. He got put on a list so that if anyone cancels we'll be called the day before, but if not we'll be waiting 2.5 months. Oh well.

Oh, and in other Hazel news, I think she officially has moved out of my room and permanently into the bigger crate in the family room at night. It's sad, because I'm used to having her in my room at night, hearing her moving around in the crate next to my bed. But I guess whatever makes her happy. It's also caused me to change my morning routine: I've been taking my shower as soon as I get up now, instead of going down to eat first. We'll see how it goes. One of these days I'll get the motivation to get up earlier so I can take Hazel for a walk in the mornings (which I should already be doing, bad Susie), so if I start a new routine now it'll (hopefully) not last that long anyway.

This makes me happy. I was slightly concerned we wouldn't get the game here, but I had no need to worry. I mean, clearly, that game is the best of the three options there. I wish I didn't have hope for this game, though. I certainly wouldn't had we not won last week. But yay! we did, so now I think we might have a chance this week. BUT. Michigan is clearly not very good this year. I don't really know how MSU is this year, but I know that they always play hard against us. And then collapse after that game. Hm. And we are not clearly good. We might be, but it's still pretty questionable.

Yesterday, I went to the store during my lunch break specifically so I could buy some of my favorite tea.I ran out last week sometime, and was sad when I went to Target the other day to replenish my stock, only to find it not there. So anyway, I went to Safeway because I knew they'd have it, and they did, and it was buy one get one for some of the Bigelow brand teas, so I considered just getting two boxes of vanilla chai but instead opted to branch out a bit (scary, I know), and I got this green tea pomegranate thing. I'm a sucker for pomegranate. This tea is decaf, which doesn't necessarily make it better for me, but a little while ago my cough was getting annoying so I heated up some water and went for the decaf stuff. And man, it's pretty good. I am so in love with tea lately. It's funny, because the way I have tea is basically slightly flavored hot water, which doesn't sound appealing at all. Apparently you're supposed to use one tea bag per 8 oz of water or so, but I just use one tea bag for a whole travel mug size, or at home, a big beer mug size. I guess it goes along with my preference for bland things.

Oh man. I can't wait for December to come so I can listen to this again:Mmm that's some good stuff. I mean, seriously. It's just all good. So good. Oh yeah.

Dude, the most recent Cake Wrecks are hilarious. Gosh I love that site.

And lest you all start to think I'm some sort of product-peddling person (oh, how I love alliterations. 5th grade was so good for me), here's a real picture. Or two.
That's my puppy as a puppy (two months old, or so), and my puppy as an older puppy (five months or so). Sometimes it's hard to believe how big she is compared to how small she was, but sometimes she still seems so small. She's so cute. Aw, it makes me so happy just to look at those pictures. And even more to look down at the floor next to me and see the live version. She's even bigger now than that more recent picture. I can't even take her cuteness. Oh man, and her velvety ears? They're so irresistible.

Wow this post got really long really quickly. Hm.

I'm a puzzle and I like it

Your result for The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test...

The Harlequin

You scored 5% Cardinal, 59% Monk, 56% Lady, and 51% Knight!

You are a mystery, a jack-of-all-trades. You have the king's ear, but also listen to murmurings of the common folk. You believe in the value of force and also literature. Truly you are the puzzlement of the age.

Take The Who Would You Be in 1400 AD Test

I think it might have been an unused Puffs, too

There's something so disheartening about opening the washing machine to transfer the clothes from there to the dryer, only to find your newly cleaned (but still wet, obviously) clothes with little bits of tissue all over them. I'm usually pretty good about making sure there's nothing left in my pockets when I do laundry, but I guess I missed a tissue tonight. Sigh. Ah, well, at least it's just tissue. Could be worse. And at least, in the end, I'll still have fresh clean clothes. Mmm. I love fresh laundry. (I just wish it didn't take so long to do three loads, or that I didn't forget and not start until 7. And wait too long between loads.)

Also, Jay Cutler looks very much like a little boy. Sort of weird to see him and think that he's the starting quarterback for an NFL team. And he's not even a rookie.

They say it's your birthday (or...my birthday)

So today I turned 23. No big deal, really. For some reason I just don't care about my birthday this year. Whatever.

At least the weather was nice for me. I think it was cloudy a lot of the day (the part of the day I was conscious for, at least), and it was nice and cool earlier when I was out. The best day in the whole rest of the 10 day forecast, which is all 70s and sunny, sunny, sunny. Barely even a chance of rain any of the days. Oh well. Fall weather has to get here for good one of these days, right? And winter? And snow? (There was snow on Pikes Peak yesterday. Probably today too. It looked odd, since I'm not used to that, but also so very nice.) I had forgotten how much I'm not a big fan of Colorado weather, especially compared to the much more wet and cloudy South Bend weather. (Which, yes, puts me in a minority of the population. I'm ok with that.)

Anyway. Unfortunately I've felt somewhat zombie-ish all day. I just got so very tired at Mass this morning, and didn't ever recover. Fell asleep on the couch at like...2 or 2:30 and slept until well after five, although not continuous because there's this dog here who came up to me at least twice and rammed her snout into my face (but it's ok because she's pretty cute), and my dad and brother were watching the Broncos game and it was a doozie of a game, and my sister was here with my nephews and 3 and 1 year olds aren't known for their quietness, so much, in case you didn't know. So yeah. But it's all good. Except for the fact that I still feel ridiculously tired. I hope I can make myself go to bed at a decent hour tonight.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me lately, but something just feels off. I'm not sure if it's physical, or mental, or emotional, or something else, but something is just...eh. Maybe it's a combination of all of them. I think I know at least one reason, but I don't know if that's the only thing or even much of a part of it. I also wonder if one part is because I'm finally starting to realize that this is it. I'm in the real world now, and there are no week-long or month-long breaks to look forward to. Just a day here and there scattered throughout the year. It's certainly an adjustment considering for the majority of my life I've had extended breaks where I'm free to sleep in, lounge around, get other things done during the day. Not anymore.

Oh well. At least I have my puppy, and she's quite enjoyable. It's fun to watch her work on eating something like a rawhide or pig's ear, because when she grabs something like that with her front paws, it's like she has fingers because she grips it so well with her little puppy paw toes. She's just so cute. And she knows it. And I think she might have moved to a point where she doesn't want to sleep in the crate in my room anymore, because two nights ago she was really reluctant and unwilling to go upstairs when it was time for bed (but I managed to get her up there and in the crate), and last night she was already in the crate down here when I was ready to head up and there was nothing I could do to get her out of that crate. So she slept down here, and it was weird. With the exception of last Sunday night (because Dad stayed up later than I did and we had moved the crate to my parents' room for that weekend since I was gone, so she slept in his room that night), she's slept next to me every night I've had her. I kind of hope this isn't a new thing, her sleeping down here. But I guess whatever works, right?

Hey, good news, I won my fantasy football game again this week! I had switched my QB from Jay Cutler to Eli Manning (I can't believe I took Eli Manning when we drafted. I dislike him greatly), and Eli got me 22 points, but then Jay Cutler went and got 30 points which were pointless to me since he was on my bench. And I was considering switching LaDainian Tomlinson for another RB on my bench, but the only one I could have switched was Julius Jones who was only projected to get 8 or 9 points (and LT was projected like 19). Julius Jones ended up getting something like 18, and LT got a whole three. And then a WR I have on my bench who I wasn't even thinking about putting on active, he got 20 points. Chris Chambers, who had a huge game for San Diego today against the Broncos. So all in all, I got 78 points with my active players, the ones who actually count, and my benched players? They got me 86 points. Luckily I managed to win still, somehow, against my mom who got 77 points. But dude. 86 wasted points. Oh well. At least it's good to know I have some good players, right? (And how funny, I won with 78 points last week, too. I hope I don't keep getting just 78 points though, because both games have been close so I doubt that'll cut it forever.)

Anyway. Tomorrow's the start of another week. I hope it goes by quickly. Although...why? I guess I'm just waiting for something. I don't really know what, though.

Happy birthday to me.

(And I don't think I'm as dissatisfied as this post probably sounds. Just to clear that up. I'm just ridiculously tired lately.)

I'll take it

The Michigan game has been the one on the weekend of or around my birthday for the past few years. Two years ago, we lost in a very sad game against them (47-21. And no, I didn't memorize it, I looked it up), and it was the day I celebrated my birthday with my family. So I was pretty depressed considering I was celebrating my birthday. Last year, the day after my birthday, four of us (and a lot more) went up to Michigan to watch us get pummeled by a then 0-2 team 38-0. Awful. But fun road trip. Anyway. Today, the day before my birthday and the day we're celebrating with the family, we actually BEAT Michigan 35-17! And it wasn't really close, except for maybe almost a little bit for a little while. But man. Good stuff. We actually looked GOOD against Michigan for once! I mean, it's really hard to tell if we're actually good or if Michigan just sucks (Michigan sucks), but yeah. Whatever. We won, and I totally didn't expect us to until we scored twice within like one minute of play early in the first quarter. Then we started looking like we might. And we did. And yay. I mean, so far this year Michigan has lost to California, and beat Miami of Ohio 16-6, and then lost to us. So there's a good chance they definitely are not good this year, in which case we still might not be that good. But. We won, and that's what matters.

And my birthday is tomorrow, and Tom came down today from Denver and surprised me because I didn't think he was going to, and things are good. Which is nice, since I had a pretty awful week and I need a good weekend to make up for things.

:-)

They're all so good!

Driving home just a bit ago, I got very sick of listening to songs with lyrics, so I switched it over to the classical station. (I really should do that more often.) And I was thinking about how much I miss seeing the philharmonic, because I haven't in a very long time. So I get home to see when concerts are and what they are (not that I really care, because they're always all good), and the first one is Carmina Burana which is sort of exciting, and I got really excited when I saw the second one: "Charm of the Cello." I'm so in love with cello music, so man, that one would be amazing to go to. But then I kept looking at all seven shows they have (for the Classical Masterworks, at least), and they just all look great. "The Magic of Mozart" (although that'd probably be lower on my list because it has a solo pianist, and for some reason piano just doesn't do much for me. But as long as it's not exclusively just piano, which obviously it's not, I'm sure I'd still love it), "American Salute," "Of Carnivals and Gypsies," "Old and New," "Magnificent Mahler." They all sound so good, and I so miss going to the symphony. I'm thinking about getting season tickets. Except I really don't have the money. I mean, I could swing getting one seat in the cheapest section (it's $90 for the season, per seat), but firstly it'd be depressing to go by myself, and secondly I enjoy watching the symphony almost as much as listening, so being way up in the boonies of the balcony doesn't sound extremely appealing. Although if it's that or nothing, I'd be willing to go for it. I could just look into getting better seats for a few shows. That means deciding what shows, though. And we all know I can't make decisions like that.

Anyway. Doesn't really matter, and I'll probably end up not going to any. I would definitely like to go to the Nutcracker this year. I did that a few years with Mom and Cathy, but we haven't for the past couple I think. It's always fun. I think that's the only ballet I've ever been to, aside from Cathy's dance recitals way back when.

In completely unrelated news, I keep finding myself crying (or almost crying) at the most inconvenient times. Like Sunday night on the plane. Luckily I had a window seat, so I could just turn and look out the window (even though it was dark out...) when I had trouble making the tears go away. Or today at work, randomly. I managed to keep that under control though. Or tonight driving home. Crying while driving is not a good idea. I guess for me though most times I cry are inconvenient, since I'm not a big fan of crying. The worst is the runny nose that happens. It's just such a nuisance.

I want fall weather to come. Not this in-betweeny, sort of warm upper 60s/low 70s, but real sweater weather. (The biggest problem there is my cold weather nice-ish clothes totals about five shirts. I may have to invest in a few more.) Actually, what I really want is cold weather. And snow. Mmm snow. The other day (Monday, I think) was pretty cold (well, relatively). 50s. When I took Hazel for a walk, I was cold and I kept thinking about Halloween, and how it felt like Halloween. And that's probably because Halloween here is always cold, sometimes snowy. But Halloween is still a month and a half out. Snow doesn't look to be coming any time soon, either. Not even a random flurry. 10 day forecast is 60s and 70s, with maybe three days of possible rain. Likely to change, obviously, but I doubt I'll be having an overcast and rainy birthday (which is too bad, because I love those). That's ok though.

Well, that's enough for now.

I thought this was going to be short. Turns out, it's not.

Ok, so it's been a crazy few days. Or week. And then some.

This weekend was lots of fun. That may not have come across in the few posts I did while I was at ND...But I'm uber glad I went. Yes, uber glad. I love that place. Hence why it was so sad to be there, because I felt sort of like a visitor in my own home, and that's never a fun feeling. But that's basically what it is. My heart is so much there, but the rest of me can't be, so...it's sort of depressing. But it's lovely. That place is gorgeous. And beautiful. And wonderful. And awesome. Mountainless though it may be. Even with its bad-tasting water. And humidity (which wasn't really an issue this weekend. Gorgeous weather this weekend, actually). I love it. I love and miss every single inch of that place, even the places I wasn't necessarily fond of, or never visited, or didn't really care about. I miss it. And I really really really miss the Basilica.

Have I mentioned that I kind of like that church a little bit? Man, that 10am Mass, it's really pretty much everything I love in a Mass. Firstly, the Basilica has bells that ring before Mass (and afterward, with some Masses at least, special ones). And every quarter of the hour, but that's sort of irrelevant here. (Although I always did love hearing them, all over campus.) The 10am Mass uses incense, all the time, and they don't really go light on it either. The choir is just lovely, and up in a choir loft behind the people, and they sing good songs (most of which, I bet, were not written in the 70s...or recently...), and they usually sing something in Latin during the offertory (and it's not a song that the congregation sings along with, which is nice. Contemplative time, I like it). There are usually at least three or four priests in addition to the main celebrant. There are not bells at the consecration, but that doesn't really bother me much. Actually, it doesn't really bother me at all, since I had that never growing up. Of course, I never had incense either, and it bothers me that no one uses that...but anyway. I definitely like bells when they're used, but yeah, not really part of my radar I guess, in general. I really enjoy that it's not really expected that people are going to hold hands at the Our Father, although there are still many that do. But I don't typically have people reaching for my hand, which is nice. Usually people manage to stay pretty reverent during the Mass. And of course there's the fact that the Basilica itself is beyond lovely inside. So pretty. No mistaking that building for anything but Catholic.

Anyway. Long story short, I love the Basilica, and it's easily one of the things I miss the most, and the most frequently, about school. There's just nothing around here that compares to that place. No Masses that come close, that I've found at least. I realize I haven't been to a lot of Masses around here, but...yeah. Anyway. It's one of the most frustrating things about being back here. But that's another post for another time.

I got to see so many people this weekend. It was almost like any typical football weekend at school, except for the minor detail that I don't live there anymore, and a vast majority of the people in my class were not on campus this weekend. Watching the band play during the game was weird because none of the people I knew in band were there anymore. I really only knew people in my class, and they obviously all graduated. (What were we thinking when we graduated?) So yeah. Hm. Just a weird weekend. Oh, but I got to see Gail, which was a nice surprise. I knew she was going to be there, but it was sort of spur of the moment for her (I guess a planned spur of the moment, in a way?), and I got to see her very briefly Friday, then some before the game Saturday, and she met me for Mass on Sunday and then we walked around both lakes (I'm so psyched I got to do that this weekend), and to the Grotto, and around campus. On Saturday we ventured into our old dorm, Cavanaugh, because we had heard rumors that they completely redid the bathrooms. They replaced the windows over the summer (which is like, great, I went through four years of rattling, questionable wind protection, sometimes hard to open windows, and as soon as I graduate they get nice new ones that are super awesome), and I guess they decided the bathrooms needed to be revamped too. (They did. Although, I don't like change, even when it's to update bathrooms. So I'm not sure how I feel about that. But I also know that it doesn't matter because I don't live there anymore.) And wow, they're so completely 180 degrees different than the bathrooms we had for four years. Totally different. It's weird. But...good for the current Cavanaughties, I guess? I mean, those who live in older dorms (which Cavanaugh is) pay the same for room and board as those in the newer dorms (the ones with AC and good piping and whatnot. Not that I ever wished Cavanaugh had AC. I loved living in an older dorm, even partially for that reason), so I guess they might as well have nice bathrooms too, right?

Anyway. All in all, nice weekend, especially now that I'm home and not thinking "Man I have to say goodbye to Notre Dame all over again soon." And we won the game, although if you ask practically any ND fan who was there and watched it, it was barely a win. I think Julie even said at one point afterwards that we lost, and I had to remind her that we didn't lose. It just didn't feel like a win, because we won by eight points (would have been seven had the other team's kicker not managed to kick the ball right to the goalpost instead of through it during one point after attempt) to a team that we should have beat by a lot more if we were actually good. It doesn't bode well for us against Michigan this weekend...although I'm not sure how good Michigan is this year, but everyone always plays hard against Notre Dame. Even if we're a 3-9 team...Maybe this year we'll make it 4-8 or something. Woo hoo. Oh, also good this weekend, the Backer was a good time. Friday night was sort of a bust (although I was pretty much ok with the situation, and it turned out fine for everyone in the end), but Saturday we made sure to get there early in case there was a line like Friday, and as a result ended up spending a few hours there. Fun hours. Lots of good music. Maybe a Purple Rain...or two...and things...but it's all good. It was really fun. The worst part was that I stayed up really late as a result and didn't get much sleep because I was definitely waking up to go to 10am Mass. And I did. And I was attentive during Mass. And it was great. Perhaps not very smart, but...one last bit of college mindset, ok?

Now. The rather terrible, horrible, no good, very bad part of the weekend (even saying it like that makes it seem like I'm trying to say this in jest, or make light of it, but I'm not), my aunt died. And it sucks. A lot. She was only 60, and had surgery a couple weeks ago, something to do with removing part of her lung I think. She had complications from that, was put into an induced coma, and I'm not sure that she ever really got out of it. For a little while it seemed like she might be doing better, but then I guess she wasn't. I was thinking about it the whole game on Saturday, because I've been thinking about it a lot, wondering if there were any updates. I tried calling home at halftime, I think, or I sent a text or something, just to see if there was anything new going on. Perhaps this is a bit pessimistic of me, but at one point towards the end of the game (when we were finally winning, since I think we were behind or tied most of the game), I thought something about how I wonder if, because obviously there's some sort of conservation of happiness or something, we're now winning because Aunt Fran died... But then I dismissed it, because the last update I had seen (earlier that morning, perhaps from Friday night), things seemed to be at least somewhat stable.

A bit after the game, I called home, no answer, which slightly worried me but not too badly, then called my sister, no answer. A few minutes later she called me back. I asked how she was, she said "I'm sad," and I just thought oh no. And I guess Aunt Fran had died a couple hours earlier or something. So. I was sitting there, walking with a group of my friends from one post-game tailgate to another, trying not to start sobbing in the middle of Library Quad, in front of the long lines of people waiting for the shuttle at the library to take them to their cars, at the tailgate we ended up at for a bit. Going to the Backer made me feel a little bit better, having fun with my friends, trying to ignore real life for a little while, all that jazz. But the situation still sucks. Mom flew out Sunday morning, so I didn't even get to see her before she left so I could give her a hug and offer her what little not at all comfort I might be able to give her. (As an aside, can I just mention that I think it's interesting how I've gotten to a point where I hesitate even to say "sucks" now? I say it a lot more than I write it in here, but even saying it, I feel like I'm cursing. And that was one of the not so fun things about this weekend, one of the things I don't miss about being around lots of typical people my age -- for most, there's not much of a filter, and the f word which I despise flies around like it's nothing. I don't like that. At all. But back to my word. I try not to use it if I can avoid it, but right now I don't feel like thinking up another word that appropriately explains the situation. Because the situation sucks. Sorry if it offends you, and after this I'll go back to trying not to use it at all here.)

Seriously, I feel so bad for my mom. I'm sad for me too, but Mom lost her mom in April, a cousin over the summer, and now one of her sisters, one with whom she was particularly close. And it just sucks. It's a sucky situation. (Not that any of you probably would be particularly interested, but her obituary is here.) She was a great person. She always sent us cards for our birthdays and whatnot, one of the only non-grandparent relatives who did (particularly on my mom's side). And I just don't get it. I mean, I know why people die, and I know that no one really knows why God picks the times he does, and all that stuff. I just hate losing yet another person. I mean, Memere died in April, and that sucked. And I know pets aren't people, but in like a week is the one year mark of Colt dying (man I miss that cat so much. Cats are supposed to live longer than six years old), and we put Kebbie down in March, and yeah. Too much. It's especially hard losing relatives because they all live out east, and it's hard to get out there so we don't go out there often (and none of us are going to my aunt's funeral, except for Mom, which I also feel badly about -- I wish Dad could have gone too, at least), and I never got to spend enough time with my relatives. It's pretty much too late by now, more or less. I love that we live in Colorado, but I hate that I've never had the close familial relationships like other people who live close to their relatives get. Part of the reason I never want to live elsewhere than here, because if I have kids I don't want them not to be more than acquaintances with their grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins.

Anyway. Ok. Sorry. So...yeah. Not fun. It's still pretty surreal. I mean, Pepere died when I was eight so I was still sort of too young to have that impact me too much (although as I've gotten older, I've wished more and more that I could have gotten to know him better and that he had been around for longer), and Grandmom died after having cancer for like four years. It was awful when she finally did die, but we were all pretty prepared for it. Memere was almost 88 when she died, and while it was still a bit of a shock when she went downhill so quickly, it wasn't terribly surprising. I didn't expect any of my aunts and uncles to die any time soon, though. Yeah, Mom's the youngest of seven, and her oldest sibling is like...getting close to 70, I think, but still. Hard to believe she's actually gone. Ok. I'm done venting/talking/whatever.

Now for some cute pictures that helped pull me out of this funk I was in all day yesterday (the result of all the stuff from this weekend, and the very not enough sleep I was running on, and the fact that nothing seemed to be working for me yesterday, blah blah blah).

Me: "Jason, smile!" Jason: makes monkey face.

Me: puts down the camera. Jason: stops the monkey face, and smiles. Me: quick takes a picture before he realizes it.

Jason: finds it funny that I outsmarted him, and laughs. Me: gets good picture of a real smile.

Jason: continues to give me a real smile for once.

Jimmy: "This is pretty amusing. But I'm amused by anything my big brother does."

Jimmy: "I'm such a happy chubby baby. And I like it."

Jimmy: "Let me show you my more contemplative side."

Good times, those two.

He looks so much like my sister. Except...more boy-y.

Don't worry, he was in here voluntarily. Even closed the door himself.

Ok, so this might be boring, but I thought it was a gorgeous sunset.

Hazel: "Must get reflection on ceiling. Eh, maybe I'll just pretend I'm a cat."

Can you blame me for missing this?

And these girls?

Or this girl?

Or these folks, in this stadium?

This intersection is pretty fun...

And I also enjoy the Dome. In case I haven't mentioned.

My favorite skyline -- library, Dome, Basilica.

The lovely Grotto.

I updated my Picasa Google page, with these and lots more.

And now I'm done with this super long, super whatever, very rambly post.

And if you made it to the end of all that writing, good job, you got to see pictures!

Home

I'm home.

I'm sad, about a few things.

Found out when I got home that Tom Brady got injured today, and it looks like he might be gone for the year. So, there goes my hopes for having at least one good football team to root for this year (since, based on yesterday's performance, I definitely can't count on the Irish to be a good football team). Maybe I'll be a Broncos fan this year. Jay Cutler is my fantasy football QB, after all...

I very much enjoy driving on the highway. Sans traffic, of course, but that's not hard to get at 11pm on a Sunday night. Good stuff.

Tomorrow is going to be an awful day. I think this whole week is going to be terrible. For various reasons. I hope I'm proved wrong, but I doubt I will be.

I saw one of the coolest things ever as we got close to Denver tonight on the plane. I had a window seat, and my window was the side that looks out north (when flying east to west). As we got closer to Denver, I noticed some lightning on the horizon. Then we pulled up next to it, and it wasn't down in the sea of clouds we were flying over, but it was all in this big mass of clouds that rose above the rest of the clouds. And the lightning was pretty much constant. It was really seriously amazing. Lucky for me, we were flying past/skirting it for like twenty minutes, so I got to see a lot of it. It was a great light show. I wonder if all storms look like that from above/next to, or if this one was just particularly intense lightning-wise. Either way, I was enthralled and mesmerized. Good stuff.

Look at what time it is. I need to go to bed. I just...don't want to.

I guess I'll try, or else I'll really be worthless tomorrow. (Not sure how that would be different from a normal day, but whatever.)

Why did I come back here?

What a tough weekend this has turned out to be.

So many emotional things going on lately, most of them not happy emotions.

Waking up in far fewer hours of sleep than I'd like, but to go to 10am BasilicaMass which I've missed with every inch of me every Sunday since I graduated. So it's worth it.

This coming week is going to be very long. And very difficult to get through, I think.

I miss this place. I miss being a student.

But at least ND got a win today. We're going to get creamed next week, though.

At least it's been great seeing my friends this weekend. They are awesome. And the Backer tonight was almost epically fun (is that a word?). And we were there for a very long time.

I need to go to bed.

Why am I blogging? (Again?)

It's almost 4am here.

We spent one hour at the Backer tonight, and it was awesome.

I miss this place more than I thought I would.

It's sort of depressing.

But I'm still glad I came.

Game tomorrow.

Sittin in the airport...

So here I am at DIA, and what do I do? I blog.

(Yes, this means I'm an idiot and brought my laptop with me. Even though I probably won't have internet access while I'm in Chicago/Notre Dame. Whatever.)

I don't really have anything to say though. I drove up here this afternoon, found the nice parking lot (I went with a tad bit more expensive one, because they're awesome and have pick up like every five minutes and they take you pretty much right to your car when they drop you off at the end of your trip. Can't beat that), got to the airport, got through security with no problems and very quickly, got some food, and got put on an earlier flight. However, it's not really an earlier flight, because it leaves five minutes after my original flight was scheduled to leave. But this one was pushed back three hours, and mine was pushed back one hour, so it just worked out that I could get on an "earlier" flight that leaves at around the time I was supposed to anyway. Yay me. Also yay that they had extra spots. Hopefully they'll have even more extra spots because I'm currently in a middle seat, instead of my lovely window seat that I have on the later flight. But whatever. Window seats are so nice. Hm. Anyway. I just really hope my flight home doesn't get delayed...unless the same scenario plays out and I get in at around the same time anyway. I'd be ok with that.

This morning I was sort of freaking out about this trip. I hate going on trips. I hate breaking out of my routine like this. There's so much that could go wrong, so much I can't control. Sigh. But this always happens before anything I am going to do, like the Thursday or Friday before I'd leave for weekend retreats in high school and college, and things like that. Once I'm there, it's usually ok. Although I don't know...I might get incredibly exhausted by being around people constantly the entire weekend...and not having any spot of my own to go and hide or anything like that. But I'll be ok. Maybe I'll just be drunk the whole weekend, then I won't even realize it. Except I've never drank enough to where I'm like that. So whatever.

Hm...Oh yeah, I miss my puppy. And my parents and all that, but my puppy. Aw. I left work at 2, and came home to do a few last minute things, and Hazel was so clingy to me the whole time. It's like she knew...She's so sweet. I'm never going to leave her again.

That's a lie.

But I do miss her. Ah, man. Notre Dame had better win this weekend. And I had better have a good time. I guess that's up to me, though.

Welp, with any luck we'll be boarding soon, and I'll be on my way to see Juuuuuuulie. Yay!

Au revoir! (And prayers for a good and safe trip would be appreciated.)

This post will probably be uninteresting to all but around six people...

I wish tomorrow were Thursday.

But at least tomorrow is Wednesday, which comes right before Thursday.

And for me, Thursday is Friday. And it involves getting on a plane and going elsewhere. (Although I think I'm really really really going to miss my sweet puppy. And I feel bad for leaving her with my parents all weekend...)

Friday? Friday is AWESOME. I hope. I expect.

Friday? Friday I get to see this:Except slightly less crooked, and even more up close. But I can't wait for that initial turn down the toll road, the point at which the lovely Dome starts to be visible above the trees. Oh, what a wonderful sight it is. A sight for sore eyes, indeed.

Also Friday? I get to see these:
And these:
And these:
Ok, so maybe there's a little overlap there. There will be others to see, too, though.

And this weekend, maybe we'll do a little of this:
And this:
And there will definitely be watching of this:
(Minus Zibby, there, of course, sadly. And hopefully the score will be better than this particular game's score was...)

And we will see this (from what angle, though, who knows):
And if we're lucky, the score will be more reflective of this than any other ND home game (or, really, non-home game too for the most part) from last season (if we're really lucky, it will be even better):
And maybe I'll even get a chance to see this on Sunday:
Either way, I really need this weekend. I need to see the friends who stuck with me for four years of college. I need to see the campus that holds a good chunk of my heart. I need to be not here for a little while.

Also, I kind of need to see another Notre Dame win, at home, in person. Who knows when the next chance I get will be. I'm not holding my breath for this last request, though. Just being there, that'll be almost enough.

(I can't believe how sad going through last year's pictures made me just now. I guess I'm a little emotional tonight anyway, but still. I miss my room from last year, and sophomore year actually -- ah, sophomore year, when graduation was still so far away... -- and freshman was pretty good, and I really didn't mind junior all that much...Who am I kidding? They were all great, because they were all there. I also miss my friends' apartment(s) from last year. Fun times were had at those places. Gosh, what good memories I'll take from all of it. I can't even remember what it was like to feel like I didn't fit in there. Surprising, because I think there was a good chunk there that I felt that way. Thankfully I got over that, because really, Notre Dame was so good for me. Too bad we can't stay in college forever. Although honestly I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like that. But still. Good times, good times.)

Ok. Anyway. Just needed to get my mind off of things, and onto this weekend. I can't wait for this weekend. I have expectations that it will be magnificent. Probably won't end up quite as great as I'm hoping, but I don't think there's any way that it can. I'm not a student there anymore. I'm an alumna. A tourist, now. Sort of sucks, but that's life. And hey, your worst day being an alumnus of Notre Dame? Pretty much better than the best day as an alumnus of any other college. Particularly if that college is Michigan or USC...Anyway.

Really, I'm not sitting here wallowing in self-pity because I'm no longer an ND student. But I think that no one but other ND grads can quite grasp how sad it is to leave that place. It really is a special place, and I'll always love it. Even when the administration does ridiculously dumb things like canceling traditional dorm events that have been going on for years but are now starting to be considered too...un-G-rated for the Disneyland-esque thing they're trying to institute. Catering to the tourists instead of the students. That part isn't so cool. But Notre Dame, that place will always be special. I don't care what you say.

Because, at the very least, Notre Dame brought this into my life:
(Can you tell I miss them? I miss the rest of my friends from school, too, but chances are I won't be seeing most of them this weekend. And these girls put up with a lot from me. Them's good people. Just look at them!)

Two quick things

The other day when I was walking Hazel, she picked up something from the sidewalk (I think it was a stick or something relatively harmless like that), and when I said "What do you have," she did what she normally does when we say that (because usually it's something she shouldn't have, or something we don't want her to have, like a tissue or something she pulled out of the garbage) and started to run away from me. Only, she was on a leash. So...there wasn't exactly anywhere for her to go. It was pretty funny, actually. I took it away from her (the stick or whatever) just on principle, because she "knew" she shouldn't have it. She's so cute though.

Hm...I had something else, I swear. Oh yeah! I just checked to see what time this knitting store in town is open, because there's one weekday that they're open later, and lucky me it's tomorrow so I think I'm gonna go there after work and maybe get yarn to start an afghan! Anyway, though, I clicked to see what their fall classes are, and they have this three week, 1 hr per week beginner's crochet class for $35. I've been wanting to figure out crochet for awhile, because the few times I've tried it didn't work out well. So I'm thinking about doing that. I might. It'd be fun. The first one isn't until Sept. 23, so I have some time to think about it. Looks like that's a Tuesday, and I never have anything on Tuesdays (not regularly, anyway), so at least that part wouldn't be a problem. We'll see though.

All right. That's all I have.

I don't get it

How is it possible that people who purport to be faithful, dedicated Catholics can sit there and honestly say "Oh, McCain and Palin are nice, and it's good that they're pro-life, and I really really like Sarah Palin, but...Obama is going to make our lives so much better! Yeah, he might be willing to abort millions of Americans during his presidency and beyond, but...he'll make our lives so much better!"

There is such a disconnect there that I can't read someone say that, someone who's supposed to be Catholic, and believe it to be anything but satire or sarcasm. Except...it's not. It's real. People, Catholics, really believe that.

How anyone can push the deaths of so many helpless Americans to the backs of their minds like that is absolutely beyond my understanding. Completely and totally.

On some blog I read the other day, there was this list of various things people die from each year (breast cancer, heart disease, car accidents, lung cancer, guns, etc), and the numbers who die from each every year, and then the last thing on the list was abortions. And the number there? Over one million. The highest on the list of other things was something around 160,000. Just over 10% of the number killed from abortions. How can people see statistics like that and think it's ok, or it's not a big deal, or it's "necessary" for women to be "free" and "equal" and have "choice"? I'm allowed to have choice and freedom, too, to the point where it interferes with your choice and freedom. I am not allowed to kill you because my choice to kill you isn't more important than your choice (or, we might say, right) to live. So why is it that if I became pregnant, through whatever means or...whatever, my choice suddenly trumps the right to life of that baby?

How can we as a country say we're trying to improve things when we can't even improve the situation of babies in their mothers' wombs? It should be the safest place in the world, and yet for over one million every year, it's a death trap. And you know what that is? It's pathetic. We can't even take care of our babies. And then there's Barack, who went even more liberal and extreme than NARAL (NARAL!) to vote that babies who are aborted but somehow born alive should be left to die. How on earth would someone ever think that to be acceptable? Regardless of whatever else the bill might have had in it, or might have threatened, or whatever. Saying that babies should just be left to die is unacceptable. People go to jail for leaving their babies outside to die. Is Barack going to change that law so that people who don't want their kids can just leave them willy-nilly wherever to die? What's the difference?

I'm sorry, but the lives of millions of babies is more important to me than the price of gas or the state of the economy.

Oh, but back to my original point. How can a Catholic, who by all accounts seems to be a very devout and serious Catholic, in good conscience pick Obama over McCain because Obama will implement good "changes" about health care and taxes and all that stuff. But those babies...well, let's just...pretend they don't really exist. There are more important things to vote about. (You know, all this talk about "change" that Obama's running on, reminds me of a quote from The Princess Bride that is only really good when said with the accent, but "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.")

Well, rant over, I guess. I just hope enough people vote based on the things that really matter, come November, and not the things that can help "Me me me!" If Obama wins, I think we're doomed for an even longer road ahead to overturning Roe vs Wade, and hopefully eventually getting rid of abortion altogether. It won't be perfect with McCain, either, but at least he's more likely to appoint some judges that will help the situation. It'll take awhile either way, but one way will make it a loooooot longer. And that, my friends, is unacceptable.