She's just bein' Mopey.

(Ah I can't believe I just referenced that song that I used to hate hate HATE but now almost enjoy because it reminds me of fun times with friends and at the Backer. Good times, those.)

I just realized that I meant to ask for prayers in that last post. But I didn't, and you know why? Because I'm a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad Catholic who has a wretched prayer life. That, and I tend to prefer to keep my religious/spiritual/prayer side private. It's why I don't mind (almost prefer) going to Mass by myself, and why I tend to feel weird in situations like Bible studies where we share personal experiences. But they're good for me because sometimes it's the only thing I do that day that's any kind of spiritual, which is bad. Anyway. I guess it just feels too presumptuous to ask people to pray for me. Like, why should they go out of their way to pray for me? I'm not worth it. Anyway. I don't know. Like I said, I'm a bad Catholic. I really need to work on the whole prayer thing. I guess sometimes lately (or not even just so lately) I haven't been on the best of terms with God. And I'm too lazy or stubborn to do what I have to do to get around whatever roadblock it is holding me back. (Roadblock being...me?)

Anyway. That's all I'll be saying about that. Too serious or real for this blog. We don't like that here.

TGIF, now that I'm a real working girl and can say that.

I know in my post last night I said I was doing pretty well this week, feeling pretty upbeat and happy about things. Maybe it's just because it's Friday and I'm tired and all that jazz, but I've been feeling sort of down all day today. I think it might have something to do with a dream I had last night, too. And the fact that I think I'm going to have to pass on the puppy thing for right now. More depressing to me than I can get across, but I just...I don't know. I don't see how it will work.

I need to do something fun this weekend. And I need to find a church that won't make me just endure Mass (so terrible to say that), but one that will make me feel uplifted like I'm actually at a Mass that's focused on God and not "Yay look at us and how communed we are!" But I shouldn't be judging. It's just so hard to feel good about going there. But at the same time I don't want to be Protestant-y and go church-hopping just to find one that I like, but the reason I want to find another one is because I'm trying to get away from what I think is too much Protestant influence. Anyway though. Back to the point -- I need to do something fun this weekend. I don't really see that happening, though, since my only friend in town works weekend nights now in addition to a regular weekday job. And I think I'm going to want to sleep in tomorrow. And I also really really really have to get my room cleaned more. Really badly. Oh, I guess my brother Tom should be coming down sometime this weekend. That's fun. We're doing a joint Mothers/Fathers Day thing on Sunday because Peter and I weren't here on real Mother's Day, and Peter won't be here on real Father's Day. So. Yeah. That's Sunday.

I'm gonna stop rambling. Maybe I'll go have me a little cry. Haven't done that in like...a week and a half (but that was a good reason -- it's sad to be evicted from the place you've called home the last four years).

LOST!!!

So I went to Bible study tonight (which was actually pretty good, despite my lack of contribution. I'm not big on the talking thing). Good, yes. But. It meant I had to tape the two hour season finale of Lost. And now I have to watch it! And I can't go read most of the current first page of the NDNation backroom because I know there are going to be spoilers and threads talking about it, and I'm going to be tempted to read them and then that's just no good.

I've been in such a good mood lately. This week lately, at least. Mostly. Not really sure why, but hey, who am I to question it? Although at the same time there's some sort of underlying...disappointment? Unsatisfied-ness? Maybe it's the dog thing, or the computer thing, or the new routine thing, or the thing (and...that other thing!). Who knows. What I do know is that I wish Holy Ghost were closer. Preferably, oh, maybe where Holy Apostles is. Haha.

I also wish that there were a Qdoba at the shopping center on Union and Academy instead of the Chipotle that's there. Yes, I'm officially a convert from Chipotle to Qdoba. It's less spicy, and I now have a Qdoba card that gives me a free burrito after I buy ten! Haha. Anyway. There's one further north on Academy, but it takes pretty much my entire half hour lunch to drive up there, wait in line, and drive back. So that's no good.

Man, so I'm watching Lost now (yeah, sacrificing sleep I pretty much need just because I can't take it!), and I'm very tempted to be liveblogging it. But I won't. (Except...man, I hope Jin doesn't actually die! Ahhhhh!) Also, I just fastforwarded through a Batman commercial. I'm so excited for that movie, but I don't have time for commercials right now! And now...big ol' Awwwwwwwww! for the scene that just happened (I won't say anything in case by some odd chance someone who reads this also watches Lost and has yet to watch the season finale). But seriously, almost made me cry (happiness). Seriously, I'm becoming like my mom. Haha. It's like I want to cry at everything. But only a little.

Gah I should never watch Lost by myself. Too many people sneaking up on people, freaking out both them and me. And ugh. People popping up in windows. Nothing scares me as much as that. Seriously. I need curtains to be closed at night because if I ever saw someone staring back at me through a window at night, I would probably have a heart attack. (I guess that'd save them the trouble. Haha.)

Oh my gosh, Lost. What are you doing to me? (Ok, it's over now, done with the liveblogging.)

And on that note, time for bed. (Apparently they're showing two alternate endings or something of tonight's Lost episode on Good Morning America tomorrow. I'm tempted to tape it, but I bet they'll be online by the end of the day.) Tomorrow's Friday! Yay almost weekend!

Thoughts for today

• We just found out today that my health insurance coverage under my dad's plan ended as of my graduation. We had thought it would end later in the summer. So...that's cool. Health insurance is expensive, y'all.
• The Pittsburgh Penguins won a game in the Stanley Cup finals tonight. It was a pretty exciting game, especially for one who's not that into hockey. I don't really care about them or the Cup, but my friend Bethany happens to live in Pittsburgh, love hockey, and thus really love the Penguins. And they haven't done too well so far in the finals, so it was good to see them win (and score! haha).
• It didn't take long for my body to adjust to a regular person schedule (as in, once it hits 10pm or so, it's starting to seem late). But that doesn't mean my body is cooperating with this new schedule when it comes to sleeping (Tuesday morning, I started waking up sometime in the 5am hour, and didn't sleep well for the next two hours until I had to get out of bed. And last night, even though I was tired and was getting up at like 6:30, I didn't fall asleep until almost 1am. I went to bed at like 11, maybe 11:30, but then I just was there, not sleeping really. Annoying). I'm hoping tonight I'll be able to get to bed at a reasonable hour and not wake up until I have to.
• I want a puppy. But...I just don't know if it's logical at all. I'm starting to resign myself to that fact. Maybe it can still work. I'm not too optimistic, though.
• I'm sick of having a cough and having to blow my nose so often. The cough is part of the reason, I think, that I had trouble falling asleep last night. And then when I get a good cough going, it makes my eyes water or something which results in my nose running. Just annoying all around. I don't know what happened to me this year that caused me to get sick so often and to have it hang around for so long each time. I really miss my old immune system.
• Work is pretty fun. I mean, I really haven't done anything yet, and I really can't wait until I get the hang of things and can start doing things (and preferably know how to do them), but it's a great environment to be in. Call me closed-minded, but there's something wonderful about being around lots of other Catholics all day every day. I loved it when I was interning at the Catholic Herald two summers ago, and I'm excited that this is where I am now. Even if I am freaked out because I know how to do nothing (aside from the reading I've been doing the past two days, which hopefully is helping to build something of a foundation). Eventually I'll learn, right? Everyone's gotta start somewhere. But man, I've never wished more than the last two days that I could be like Number 5 from Short Circuit (you remember, when he reads books he just flips through them in a matter of seconds and is able to process all the information?). Sure, I often wished that during my school days, so long ago (haha), but I wasn't so concerned about doing as well then. I really want to do well here. And if I were like Number 5, by now I'd know everything in all the marketing books the company owns. That'd be nice. Anyway though. Sadly I am human and not robot, so I must go about this the regular way.
  
• Man, speaking of Short Circuit, I really want to watch it. It's been years. Literally. Lots of them. It'd be so funny to see again, I think. In the same vein, did anyone ever see Batteries Not Included? We used to have that (although I'm sure it was a taped-from-TV version, as most of our movies were), but I barely remember the plot at all. That'd be a fun one to see again too. (Haha, the five "If you enjoyed this movie, we recommend these" movies at the bottom are Home Alone, Back to the Future III, The Goonies, A Bug's Life, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Bug's Life doesn't seem to fit...it's also the only one there I've never seen. The other four are awesome movies. I just watched Back to the Future III. And II. And I. I bought the trilogy last week, and man, such a good purchase. It's awesome.)
• Ummmmm...I don't know what else. So that means it's time to go to bed.
  

I think I sort of liked that place...

I realized something today at work (work!), while adjusting the way I was sitting in the chair, and my lower left-side back felt that familiar need to pop. I realized that since I've been home, I haven't been having those annoying lower back pains that I was experiencing at school while lying in bed, and especially upon waking up. So it must be that my bed at school was bad for me, much as I liked it in other ways. But yay for not having back pain anymore! It really is nice realizing the absence of pain.

This article isn't really exciting at all. But look at the picture! Guess where that was taken? It was so funny when the provost dude at graduation said, when introducing Sheen, that he was "Notre Dame's most regrettably fictitious alum" or something along those lines. Amusing, at least.

And quite related to that, here's a blog entry that has some of both Cardinal McCarrick's commencement speech, as well as Martin Sheen's acceptance speech or whatever it is. And a picture of McCarrick that my camera wasn't quick enough to snap, regretfully.

Hmmm what else...well, although I was planning to see both on the days they first came out, I still have yet to see either Prince Caspian or Indiana Jones. And I've heard enough about both that I think Prince Caspian might disappoint me if I compare it too much to the book, and go in expecting to see a recreation of the book, but as a movie in itself it will be good. And I think Indiana Jones will be entertaining enough, with somewhat of a ridiculous and cheesy ending. But it seems like they'll both be, maybe not the best movies ever, but good enough. So I do still want to see them both. Too bad there's no one around to see movies with.

To that end, though, I'm going to be missing the (2 hour!) season finale of Lost this Thursday, because I'm planning on going to a Bible study for this young adult group thing. It's fairly new (less than a year old I think). Anyway. Figure I should make some new friends in town since pretty much all my old friends from my pre-college days have dispersed and left me. The few I still keep in touch with, at least.

Man, I just saw a picture of Stonehenge (the ND one, not the "real" one), and the thought that it might be a very long time before I see it in person again...ugh that's a tough thought. I miss that place. I mean, it's not like I'd be there right now if I hadn't graduated this year anyway, but the fact that I know I won't be going back in August makes it sad to see those favorite places of mine. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly thankful for where I am right now, the fact that I have a job (a very good job), etc, but it's still sad. Bittersweet, I guess you could call it. Notre Dame is a special place. That's all there is to it.

Aaaand...completely unrelated. My computer is just being so weird. I don't even want to fix it anymore, I just want to scrap it and start over. Unfortunately that requires some money, and while I'm recently sort of close to $1000 richer than I was two weeks ago (I have some generous family members. It's awesome), I'm not sure that I want to go and just spend it all on a laptop. Especially since I had sort of earmarked at least some of it for buying a puppy and all that entails. Not that I'll be doing that anytime soon, I think. Ugh. But anyway, my computer. It's the weirdest thing. You know how in the address bar thing (I know it has a name but I'm blanking right now), you can type just one letter and underneath it will pop up all these websites you've been to recently that start with that letter? I don't know if that makes sense. But I use this a lot, and will just type an A or something and arrow down one or two or three to whatever website I'm looking for, and then hit enter. The past few days though I've noticed that randomly, a few websites (blogs, mostly) that I go to at least a few times a week if not every day are all of a sudden not in that drop down thing. And it's not because I haven't checked it in 10 days or whatever my computer's set at to get rid of those addresses I haven't used. It's just another one of those things. My computer is failing me piece by piece. But at least it's still working for now, so it's really not that big a deal. I just complain about it a lot because problems with it happen to coincide with writing this blog. You know, since I have to be on the computer to blog and all. Haha. Yeah I don't know what I'm saying.

Speaking of...nothing, I miss football. I wish I could go to an ND game this year. Although, maybe I don't, because I won't be able to be there as a student so it'd just be...weird, I think. My entire knowledge and experience of Notre Dame is as a student. I had no association with it before I considered going there after junior year of high school. I didn't grow up worshiping it, or attending games as a kid, or even watching games. So I don't know how it'll be to go back as an alum. It'll be weird. And maybe I don't want to do that just yet. Although, if I did go back this year there's a chance I could sneak into the student section with a friend who's going to be a senior there this year. But I didn't apply for tickets, and it costs money to fly back there and such, so it probably won't happen. Oh well. Watching on TV isn't so bad. Better than nothing, which is what I have now. Football season is just too short.

Ok I think I'm going to post this before my computer freezes on me or something and I lose the post. Although it does autosave, so even with all this annoyingness going on with my computer (and with my propensity to take loooooong periods of time to write one post, as with this one, thereby having the "create post" thing open all the time), I have yet to lose a post. It just goes to my unpublished drafts section. But still. This is long enough anyway, and look, absolutely no thread running throughout! Except sort of Notre Dame...hm...anyway.

Haha wow

So I was just sitting here on my computer, with the TV on in the background, and the news is on. They just did sports and discussed tonight's Rockies game, which was away. The final score was 20-5 (and not in the Rockies' favor), and they said "The Rockies started out strong, but with four starters on the DL, it didn't last. This one's not even worth showing highlights." And then they just went to the screen with the final score, and below it said "Next: Does it matter?" I guess normally they have the next game up there. Apparently my local Fox channel is rather pessimistic about the Rockies. Can't really blame them, I think.

And now on the NBC local news, they talked about Indiana Jones and how much money it made this weekend. They said it made the most for a movie released Memorial Day weekend since Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. Which came out...last year...I just found that amusing.

In other news, I start my new job tomorrow at Aquinas and More. I'm excited, but obviously a bit nervous. I'm afraid I'm going to get there and they'll realize I know nothing about marketing. Not that they probably really expect me to know that much. But yeah. I really want this to work out, and to work out well, so...yeah. Whatever. I'll be glad to get started. I hate the waiting period for anything. But I'm uber-excited I got lucky with this job, and it's a regular 9-5 weekdays type deal. Sweet!

Not worth reading

• I'm not meant to live in a dogless house. That's all there is to it.
• Sally Hansen Hard as Nails is amazing stuff. I painted my nails on Friday with the one bottle my mom has (which matched my dress well), and today, three days later, it's barely chipped off at all. Normally when I paint my nails it starts chipping the next day if not sooner. I guess I should stop going for the cheapest nail polish possible. Not that I paint my nails very often, but still.
• During the student appreciation days at school (those two very underpublicized days where the bookstore offers 20% off to students, which I personally think is how it should be all the time because they're so overpriced and would probably make more money off of the students that way) this last time, I bought a few things. Including a green mug that has a clover with the ND in the middle of it, and on the inside rim it says "GO IRISH!" I bought this mug not because we're hurting for mugs here (quite the opposite, really), but because I wanted an ND mug that I could designate as mine and because it's larger than an average mug. I like bigger mugs. Today is my first time using it, and it's great. Just thought I'd let you all know.
• Everybody cut footloose.
  

Happy Memorial Day! Or...whatever is appropriate for today. Yeah.

Sorry to keep talking about it

I was just sitting here, in my regular spot for the past few years (the couches were switched sometime recently, but as they're both three-seaters, it's pretty much the same -- I just don't have the ability to turn my seat into a recliner anymore), and my parents just went to bed so it's just me. These moments, the times between my parents going to bed and me finally dragging myself up to my room, usually included hearing Colt walking around in the living room or by the stairs or in the kitchen, doing this cute little mewing while carrying around a tiny stuffed wolf she turned into her own. God I miss that cat. I miss Kebbie too, a great deal, but it's different. Sometimes I almost miss Colt more -- her downy fur, her incredible fatness, her little pink nose. It can still make me cry, 8 months later. She wasn't supposed to go that soon. It's not fair. And who knows when I'll be able to get another dog. Yeah, Dad said I can get one, but that doesn't mean I can just go out tomorrow and get one. There are things to consider -- the fact that I'm about to start a regular 9-to-5 (ish) job on Tuesday being one of the major things. And then there's the question of what kind of puppy, and from where (the humane society is cheaper than a breeder, obviously, but less desirable in some other respects, and then there's the possibility of getting one from someone who just happens to have puppies, and what breed should I get, or should that matter, etc etc etc).

I just want to hold a pet in my arms again. I miss it so incredibly much. Really, it sucks. As I'm sure I've mentioned. I hope things work out soon so I can get a dog. Right now I'm not terribly hopeful, but...who knows.

Ah, pictures

So, I'd put some up here because that's what I do, but I'm too afraid to try starting to upload only to have my computer shut down or freeze on me. Because that's happened about a bazillion times today while trying to upload to my Picasa page. So, at the very least, feel free to go to my page and check out the pictures I took last night at Peter's wedding. Well, they're all from the reception, but yeah. I also have a bunch of (mostly boring) pictures from graduation, senior week, and campus in general the last few weeks of school. I haven't put captions on any of them because, like I said, I never know when my computer is going to give out on me in the middle of something. It sure is trying my patience, and I have no idea how to fix it (my attempts to try doing a BIOS upgrade today were unsuccessful, as were my attempts to download a newer version of Windows XP. I'm not sure what the answer is. I just want to scrap it and get a new laptop, which I may be doing soon with my graduation money. Although I had planned on saving some or much of that for the new puppy I'll be getting hopefully soon. So...who knows). Maybe one of these days I'll go sit on my parents' desktop and put captions up. Anyway. Oh, and if you want to see more/different pictures, including a lot more with me in them (since it's hard for me to take pictures that I'm in), go to my mom's picasa page. She's got some of me at graduation and such too. And after looking at them, I have no idea why I was so insistent on taking pictures with me in that cap and gown. How silly I look. Would have been better just to take some of me in my dresses or something. Ah well, how often do I get to wear a cap and gown, right?

Ok, maybe I'll try a teaser:
There's the four of us siblings sort of recreating a picture from Cathy's wedding. Sorry it's so dark. Oh, and all of my pictures are unretouched, un-messed with, and all the red eyes are still there. I'm not cool enough (and am too lazy) to do all that. Annoys my mom a little bit. Oh well. Maybe someday I'll fix them. Haha. Ok anyway. There you go.

Who knew?

Hey, so, weddings are exhausting (if you're part of them, at least). Man what a crazy day. But really, really good. My little brother is officially married, which is somewhat weird, but my new sister-in-law is pretty awesome, so it all works out. I didn't look terrible (ish), although my fun tan lines from the sunburn I had probably looked great I'm sure. (Oh, and my dress was a bit...um...more revealing than I would really prefer, but whatever.) If I ever have another place to wear it, I would definitely want to look into getting the halter strap shortened a bit. It was a bit too loose which meant it hung down a little further than I would have liked. But whatever. I got lots of great pictures (of the reception, not the wedding, obviously) which I will hopefully be putting up on my picasa page soon (I used up practically the entire battery today alone, just during the reception, so it's currently charging). Although I'm a little afraid to try because I have a feeling that as soon as I start uploading them, my computer will either freeze or just go right to the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. What a name. Anyway. It was a really good time today, exhausting as it may have been. (And really, for me, I guess I can't say it was too exhausting. What'd I do? Get ready, walk down and aisle, stand in for some pictures, and go to the reception. Yet somehow it was exhausting.) But boy oh boy how good it felt to come home and take off my rather confining dress and such, and put on some uber-comfortable sweats.

And also to think that someday, maybe, it'll be my turn.

SWEEEEET!

So, I get emails from Amazon occasionally, because I buy books and such there. These emails usually consist of "You bought this book, so maybe you'll be interested in this sort-of-possibly-maybe-semi-related book!" And I usually delete without even looking. Today I had another one in my inbox. I opened it because the title included something about history of last names. It then had a link to send me to this page, at which point I was getting excited because look! I can search for my last name! I did this, not really expecting it to have my last name as it's not exactly the most popular name (although it's not terribly uncommon either. Except in Colorado). But lo and behold, they have it! I'm not saying I'm gonna spend $30 to buy it because I don't even know how much information it has, but man, it's exciting. I'm so fascinated by genealogies and such. A few years back, I spent many a night trying to find out what my last name means and some of its history (I think I eventually did find something, but now I don't remember what it was). I love history. And when it's sort of related to my own family history, even better.

No laptop makes me sad.

The good news: My siblings went in together and bought me a 4 gig Zune MP3 player for my graduation. Sweet! The bad news? I'm not entirely sure at this point that I can get windows to stay open on my computer long enough for me to transfer any music onto an MP3 player. Or for me to transfer my computer onto the external hard drive my parents have. It's been sucktastic today, and tonight in the last ten minutes since I got home and turned it on, it's shut down on me three times, each after only being on for a couple minutes. So....that's great.

Ah well. Peter's getting married tomorrow, so I guess I shouldn't be worrying about my computer. Although I am waking up to go to breakfast at 9am with the bride, other bridesmaids, and mothers, and then the wedding's not until 5. That's a lot of sitting-around time in between, at least if you're not the one getting married. I'm sure I'll find something to do (my hair, maybe my nails, who knows. Maybe I'll spend $20 and go get fake nails or something. I've only done that once, four years ago for my sister's wedding.

Well, for now I'm tired (and slightly peeved at my computer, or probably more accurately my Windows, which I think might be the real problem), so I should probably get to bed.

I'm home! And there's nothing going on...

My computer is so close to being dead. Actually I think it's a Windows problem more than anything else, but I don't really know how to rectify the situation. Tuesday I spent a large amount of time trying to get Firefox to download ANYTHING after I uninstalled my antivirus, thinking perhaps that was screwing things up. Not sure why, but when I went to try to install another one, I discovered the "can't download anything" problem. Finally was able to reinstall through Internet Explorer the one I previously had, even though I had wanted to install AVG (I almost got it to go, and then it said it wouldn't work because I don't have Windows service pack 4. I'm still on SP1 because I never went to SP2 for some reason, and then on Tuesday all attempts to upgrade to SP2 or SP4 were unsuccessful for some unknown reason that still bothers me). So yeah. It's getting to be lots of fun. Or not.

Being home without my pets around really sucks. It was so bizarre to come home Monday night and have no dog there to greet me. I mean, we put Kebbie down fairly early during spring break so there were a few days there that I was home without a dog around, but yeah. It's still weird. It's weird to come home from anywhere now and not have a dog. To be sitting around the table or in the family room or something, not see the dog, and realize that she's not outside either. This morning I was sitting on the couch and saw a squirrel run across the fence outside, and I almost called "Kebbie there's a squirrel!" Boy did she love her some squirrels. Sigh. I miss her so much. And I really really miss Colt too. I mean, it's been almost a year there, but it was just so unexpected and so soon. She was only six. That's at least ten years sooner than she should have died. I'm pretty sure Blackie was at least 15 if not older when we put her down last year, and she probably still had a few more years left in her (if she hadn't gone somewhat senile and whatnot). Anyway. I hope that I'll be getting a puppy within the next month or so, but I do still have to work out the logistics of it and everything. And find one, obviously. But it'll really suck until then. I drove past someone yesterday out walking her dog. I hate not having pets. It's so...empty.

I just realized that I put my class ring on backwards (meaning the way I've been wearing it since I got it a year ago, so that the ND on the stone faces me, and I can see the main building side as opposed to the crest side). It's not a big deal, but traditionally when a person graduates, she's supposed to turn it so the ND on the stone faces out to the rest of the world. There's some sort of symbolism there, but yeah. I don't mind looking at the crest side; I kind of like it. It's just weird.

My little brother is getting married tomorrow. Weird. I've decided I need to go to grad school, because then when I graduate from that, my older brother will get married the same week. (My sister got married three days after I graduated from high school; Peter's getting married five days after I graduated from college.) Of course, this leaves me high and dry because none of my siblings have anything to graduate from so I can get married the same week. Ah well.

Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that, although I believe last week's scare to be just a scare and nothing more, this week I definitely have pink eye. Just in time for wedding pictures and such. I guessed that it was starting on Tuesday night, and yesterday when I woke up my concerns were validated, and so now it's lots of fun. Luckily it only really looks bad in the morning, and hasn't been that bothersome at all (except for the wearing glasses and no eye makeup thing), it's just a bad time. It's never a good time, but whatever. I'm probably going to end up wasting a pair of contacts tomorrow and using my current eye makeup (which I'll then throw out) so I don't look completely horrible in the pictures. Whatever. I just don't get why I'm so completely prone to getting pink eye. I had it for like a month, off and on, November of junior year, and then I got it last October and I think again in November or something, and now again. That's a lot within a year and a half. Especially considering before junior year I can't remember ever having it (but I think I had it when I was little, according to my mom anyway), and I don't think I know anyone in the amount of time since I started getting it again who's had it. It just makes no sense. Why me? Especially why me considering I'm a nazi about washing my hands. That's what they say you should do to prevent getting it. Wash your hands a lot. And avoid sharing things like eye makeup and such. I don't share anything. What the heck, eyes? What are you trying to do to me?

I start my job next Tuesday. I'm nervous about the first day because I hate going into situations in which I know nothing about what to expect, what I'll be doing, etc, but after that hopefully it'll be good. Although I'm sure I'll feel like an idiot for awhile. But that's true of anything. Sometimes I think I have much higher expectations for myself than anyone else does. Or, I think that everyone expects me to be a lot better than they actually do. Like I'm supposed to be perfect from the get-go or something. I hope people don't actually expect that...Anyway. I'll be glad when the first day (and week, probably) is behind me. Especially because I can't logically get a dog until after I know what to expect from my job and whatnot. I thought I had cooled on the dog thing for a little while, but it seems that as it turns out I was just suppressing it for the last month of school because there was no point in thinking about it that much. But now that I'm home, it's all I can think about again, practically. Gah I can't wait.

Ok well I'm gonna go do some stuff. Maybe get my room cleaned a bit so that I can get the desk out of there and get a dresser put in, because I can't really unpack much until that happens. (Hard to unpack clothes when there's no real place to put them.) My closet, I've also realized, is a complete mess. I was going to try to hang up a couple of dresses in there the other day, only to find that there's stuff piled so high that the dresses wouldn't really be hanging. How have I lived like this for so long? I really wish I had a Mary Poppins here right about now. Or I wish I were a wizard or something -- witch, I guess -- like Professor Lupin (remember in the 3rd Harry Potter movie when he's packing up to leave at the end and he just sort of waves his wand and everything goes where it's supposed to? That'd be so sweet).

Anyway. Sorry I have nothing really exciting to talk about. There's not much to do around here right now. I mean, there is (my room? but ugh), but yeah. Nothing exciting, that's for sure. I can't wait to get a puppy. That's all I'll ever talk about when I get one. And there will be pictures. Lots of pictures. Because we all know how much I love to take pet pictures. Mmhmm.

The best and worst day

Today, I graduated from the University of Notre Dame. I became a college graduate. An alum. An undergrad no more. My class ring is turned around, so it now faces out. And graduation was awesome.

But that doesn't mean I'm not sitting here in my room, putting off the packing of things, crying my eyes out. I'm being evicted in the morning. And this time, I can't come back. I'll never live in a dorm again (which, yeah, living in a dorm isn't the greatest thing, but it's been my home for four years. I've grown somewhat attached). I'll never be a Notre Dame undergrad again. When I visit here (and who knows when that'll be), I'll be just another alum, on the outside looking in jealously at the students who are still lucky enough to be students.

I knew this would be hard. Last night at the Baccalaureate Mass, we sang the Alma Mater at the end. I cried during it. Today, that was the last thing we did at the ceremony, and I cried. And wanted to keep crying afterward. It was a tough day. Graduation was pretty awesome, the ceremony (more on that later, perhaps), but it's been tough realizing that this is the end. And now I have to leave, and I can't come back. Not in the same way. And what's worse is I have to say goodbye to some of the best people I've known in my relatively short life. And it's not like saying goodbye to friends back home, who I have a good chance of seeing again because we're all based back there. My friends here, the only base we have in common is Notre Dame, and it's hard to coordinate schedules so that we're all back here at the same time. And we'll never all be back here, not all of the class of 2008. Even the people I don't know, I'll miss. Those people who I saw all the time, recognize their faces and maybe their names. Most of those people I'll never see again. Oh God, I don't want to leave.

I'm incredibly thankful I have something to look forward to, that I'm not dreading going back home or starting my job (although the idea that in a little over a week, I'll be starting my real job, the one I'll have for awhile hopefully, and not just some summer thing that's going to end in August, it's a little overwhelming to realize that). I really am looking forward to it. I'm just not looking forward to the fact that going on to that life means leaving this one and saying goodbye to all of this and these people. I don't want to do it.

But I have to.

At least I have a degree from Notre Dame. It's easy for me to forget in all of this that I'm a graduate of Notre Dame. A college that many only can ever wish to attend. A college that is pretty prestigious. I mean, for me, it's just my school. It's just the place I've been the last four years, that will always be a part of me, but that's to be expected of whatever college a person attends, right? No, this is special. This is more. This is Notre Dame. And I just graduated from it. And last night, at the Mass, looking around at all of us in our caps and gowns, realizing that we're all a part of this special class that is the focus of the weekend, I realized a bit just how awesome and amazing it is that I'm a part of that class.

When's the reunion?

Things

Family: On their way (with the exception of my grandfather and his wife, who are flying into Chicago tomorrow).

Back: Painful but in a fun new way.

Graduation: Still on, but expecting any minute for them to tell me "Oh, I'm sorry, you won't be graduating this year."

Weather: Might actually be maybe almost nice this weekend. Sort of. Tomorrow -- windy and partly cloudy and 67; Sunday -- isolated thunderstorms and 61. Maybe we'll get an ok send off in the end.

Me: Clumsy as ever, with a couple new bruises to show for it, because I'm good at bruising myself.

Tomorrow: My family gets here. And I'm so excited.

This is it

Don't get scared now.

I'm very subdued tonight. Possibly because I'm tired and it's almost 2am and...I should probably be in bed. Currently, though, I don't want to turn around and face the rest of my room (sitting at my desk means I face only one wall, and can't see a majority of my room). It's a mess. Not that that's much different than the rest of the year, but I have boxes flung about on the floor, stuff piled up on my bed, and I just don't want to deal with it. And we all know that I like to deal with feelings through writing, so here I am.

Tonight, I cried. I haven't been letting any of it in, really, up until now. I had a moment a few weeks ago after my last guitar class, when I walked out of Crowley music building for what I knew would be the last time, and as soon as I opened that door I almost felt the tears start. But I quickly got that under control. I have no attachment to that building, beyond the two semesters I took lessons there, except for the fact that it's a part of this school and this campus and thus means a lot to me. It was just one of the "lasts." Even last weekend, when Bethany and then Julie started to cry during and after a Backer visit because it was our last night out with two of our good friends and Backer buddies (one's a junior and one's a grad student who was leaving on Sunday for the summer), and for awhile it was them two plus me and Katherine sitting in the dark in Bethany's room, being sad about everything. Even then I didn't cry. I didn't let it in. I was sad, because everything they were sad about and crying about was true and I was feeling it, but not on a very deep level yet. I didn't want to. Today while sitting in my room starting to pack up some clothes and whatnot, I started to think about Monday. About driving away from campus for the last time. My last view of the Dome out the car window as we head west. And I almost started to cry, because I know I'll cry then. I've experienced it before (leaving after sophomore year, when I didn't know if I'd be back. I cried, because I knew I'd miss it. Which should have been a hint, but whatever).

Tonight was the Senior's Last Visit to the Basilica and Grotto. Started with a packed house in the Basilica with the Folk Choir singing, and there was reminiscing galore including a wonderfully funny retrospective on our four years here, a little skit thing with four people up at the front going through the big events of our college experience. It was great. It was something only we'd truly get, which is part of the reason it's so sad. I'm not going to have anyone at home to share all that with when I want to reminisce. And it was really great because it made me laugh, which made me forget about how hard I was fighting the tears before when the person nominated as the Senior Class Fellow (a priest in charge of the Center for Social Concerns) was giving his little talk. Just thinking about leaving it all, ugh. So I was almost crying but not wanting to (I hadn't packed appropriately with regard to tissues. I had to keep the crying under control because I get snotty when I cry), and then I stopped, and then when they were done I wanted to start again. And then we sang the Our Father in the Notre Dame way (and yes I held hands -- it wasn't a Mass, after all, and I probably would have anyway in this case), and then headed to the Grotto en masse. They had lit a bunch of candles and placed them on the sides of the sidewalk headed down there, and we were all supposed to take one and bring it with us, and it was nifty. The Glee Club was there singing Ave Maria (they sing it so beautifully), and it was a nice little ending with a prayer and blessing of the class rings and such, and then, ugh, the Alma Mater. Boy was that difficult to get through. Luckily there were a bunch of us sniffling and sobbing throughout the whole Grotto part, so I didn't feel awkward that I was crying too. After that was a big peace time, and we went around and hugged everyone we knew even a little bit, because this is it. Who knows when (or more likely, if) we'll ever see these people again? We'll never all be together again like this. It's so hard. I hugged a lot of people. (Not the most fun for me because I have a rather painful sunburn on my back, and everyone was hugging extra hard tonight. But it was so worth a little pain.)

There are times I'm really excited to be home again, and start my job and new life and all that. But then I remember that going to that means leaving this. And yeah, I'm sure I'll be back here once in awhile, and I'll see at least some of my friends once in awhile. But it won't be the same. It'll never be the same. I'll never be a student here again, never be quite as part of it as you are when you're an undergrad. I don't think it's something you can fully appreciate unless you're in this situation -- at a school that's special, that you care about even after you're gone, and that you don't want to leave. Not to mention the fact that it's not like the people here tend to be from around here, or within a few hours from here. Sure a lot of them are, but a lot of us aren't, either. It's not like going to a state school with everyone you knew from high school, where everyone lives within a two hour radius and all that. I'm sorry to say it (to those of you who didn't go here), but Notre Dame is just special, especially more so than those schools. And I am so thankful for that. And much as it hurts, I'm so so so thankful that I'm sad to be leaving. And that I'm going to miss my friends desperately. I mean, we five girls (Bethany, Julie, Caitlin, Katherine, and I) have gone through these four years together. I didn't meet Katherine until the end of freshman year, and Julie wasn't quite as with us freshman year as now, but from the end of freshman year on, we've just been together. Katherine practically lived in our awesome quad sophomore year. So many of my memories, so much of what I cherish, include them. I have a lot of other great friends here too, with memories I'll always cherish, but there'll never be another group of girls like those four. They're so fantastic, I can't even say. They know me so well, even though I don't like to let anyone know me. And I'm gonna miss them tremendously. They've put up with a lot from me, and they still want to spend time with me. That amazes me beyond belief. I hate thinking about all the inside jokes I have with them that no one else will get, and I'll miss sharing it with them. But I love that we have them. I love them. And they're going to be in Texas, and South Carolina, and Cincinnati, and Louisville (or elsewhere). Not exactly close distances. Thank God for Facebook (did you know we're the first class at Notre Dame to have had Facebook all four years of college? We've been so lucky. Haha).

I know, there's a lot of tragedies going on in the world right now, a lot of sadness, a lot of things that are probably more important than this. But right now, this is what's going on for me. I'm selfishly unable to take in all the rest, because all I know right now is the pain and excitement that the next few days, weeks, etc will hold for me.

Why does life have to be so hard? I guess because it wouldn't be worth it otherwise. It sure does hurt sometimes.

Bullet points!

• Sunburn? Definitely painful. And while it may not be noticeable in my cap and gown on Sunday, it'll be noticeable in the front in my dress, not to mention whatever difference in shades I'll be on my upper chest in pictures for Peter's wedding next week...ah well.
• Got my cap and gown today. Weird. Weird.
• It's Thursday. I'm graduating in three days. Three days. What?
• I got a few boxes. I'm sending a few UPS or something. I really hope I can fit everything else into my car. And Tom's car, which will be on its way up here tomorrow. I sort of have to... Sometimes I think it'll be no problem, and then I think about other stuff I have that I forget about, and I get somewhat nervous...
• I went into the tunnels today, a little tour. We only went in about 100 yards of the 6ish miles, but apparently they all look exactly the same as that 100 yards, more or less. It wasn't terribly exciting, but I've always wondered what they're like, so I got my curiosity satiated. That's good.
• I'm going to try to sneak into the Hesburgh Library 14th Floor tour in a bit. They haven't been checking a list or anything to see if you're actually signed up, so I think I won't have a problem. And if they don't let me go, they don't let me, and I'll live.
• Prince Caspian comes out tomorrow. I'm excited. Indiana Jones comes out next week. I sort of want to see that a lot, even though I'm afraid they ruined it (and by "they", I think I mean George Lucas. Apparently he had to be talked out of making aliens a huge part of the plot. He sucks). But I bet it'll be at least a little fun. Although, I'm afraid that seeing "Indiana Jones" old will ruin the immortal young Indiana Jones of the 80s.
• I won't have cable again in a few days. That'll be weird. I've gotten so used to having it. Maybe Dad will be convinced to get it some day. Although, I'll admit, I have no idea how much it costs, and if it's ridiculously expensive, I'll get over not having it. All I really use it for is to watch movies that are on, and reruns of old TV shows. And the occasional baseball game.
• I'm gonna go do...something.
  

Cedar Point woo!

Ok, I'm not that excited. What am I? I'm a ball of achiness. Left leg? Sore. Right forearm? Sore. (Those two from bowling last night.) Back? Sore. Neck muscles, or glands, or something? Sore especially when I open my jaw. Bottom of right foot (where I got a blister last night)? A bit sore. And the rest of me? Just plain tired. Oh, and I got a wicked nice sunburn (sorry Mom). That's going to be pleasant. It looks bad, but it doesn't feel too bad, so yeah. I'll probably be peeling just in time for graduation, but it doesn't really matter I guess. I mean, it's mostly just my back that got the brunt, and you can't see that when I'm in a gown, or in pictures, so yippee! Anyway, despite all this, it was a fairly good day. I wouldn't say great, because I discovered right away that despite taking Dramamine, roller coasters and me just don't work well together. I continued to discover this on my second roller coaster, and the third, and the fourth, and the fifth (which was the same as the fourth, and right after -- not much wait for that one).

That fifth ride? Really did me in. It took me a good hour to recover from that one, and a milkshake (my friends went on two rides while I was trying to recover, and the second one had like a half hour wait so I walked around a bit near where that one was, mostly in search of a milkshake, and was thrilled to find an ice cream place where I could get a nice vanilla-based chocolate shake). When my friends went on that first ride, it was all I could do to sit at a bench with my head down. If I tried moving more than that I was very concerned I might throw up. Eventually it got a bit better, and I was able to walk with them to the second one, and I then felt well enough to search out that milkshake which I'd been wanting since lunch (when I was also feeling the motion sickness). My sister and I always used to get milkshakes at McDonalds when our family would drive back east to visit relatives, and we'd get carsick. I don't know why milkshakes help, but somehow they do, and did today. Anyway. After that I met up with Julie and Katherine, who were done with rides (it was like 5pm by this point, and we had gotten there around 12). We went to get dinner, where Bethany and Caitlin later joined us, and Gail, and then we headed to the buses. So. It wasn't a terrible day, really, but now I know without a doubt that I can't do roller coasters.

Oh, and the most disappointing thing about the day? It was not very warm at all, so we didn't even think about attempting the rides where you get wet. Those are my favorite. I guess obviously. Haha. But yeah, the weather was annoying -- occasionally it'd get warm, but then sometimes the wind would blow (not hard, but a bit) and it'd get chilly. I didn't dress for that. It was sunny (as evidenced by my lovely redness), but not warm enough. I had brought a sweatshirt with me but left it on the bus because I figured it'd be too warm to wear it around. I was wrong. Sigh. Oh well. Life goes on. I also wore my glasses today instead of contacts because I'm suspicious that I have pink eye. Again. I'm not entirely sure, but it looks like it (although very mild at this point, and hopefully that's where it'll stay). So I brought my eye drops with me, the ones I got back in October from health services when I had pink eye then. I've been putting them in all day, so hopefully if I do have it, it won't get worse at the very least. Whatever. I'm so pathetic today. Haha. My body's given up on me this week.

I don't know why my body hates roller coasters with such passion. I thought it was just the spin-y ones that did me in, but that last one I did, I felt sort of ok after the first time (although not great, but not as bad as others) and figured it wasn't bad because it was mostly just an up and down thing. Albeit, up and down at 72 miles per hour. The second time I did it, man. I thought my organs were going to turn to mush, and I would just be this puddle of gunk at the end. It was painful. Too much pressure and force. I've never gotten off of a roller coaster and said "That was totally awesome!" all excited-like like normal people do. I get off of them and am relatively excited if I don't feel like puking. I just don't get the thrill, I guess. Even if they didn't make me feel ill, I don't think I'd get the thrill. But whatever. It just cements the fact that I am quite the most boring person IN THE WORLD. Ah, well.

Oh, something excited and completely unrelated: I just found out that Thursday night at the Senior's Last Visit to the Grotto thing, we're going to get our class rings blessed! That's awesome. I love my ring. Cool that it'll be blessed.

All righty. Need to get to bed. Things to do tomorrow (although I'm not sure what or when...I need to get boxes at some point, and...yeah who knows).

A few things

Tomorrow is the trip to Cedar Point. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also nervous as I always am about things like this -- especially when I've never gone to a place before. Like, going to Elitches in Denver I know more or less what to expect because I've been there. I've never been to Cedar Point, though, so I don't know what to bring or wear or anything. At Elitches, I've always gotten a locker to keep a bag and maybe some extra clothes in (plus usually a towel and swimsuit because they have the water park too). But I don't know if people do that at Cedar Point, so I don't know if I want to take a bag with...anything. Probably best not to. But that means probably not bringing a camera, which I guess is ok. Rather have no pictures than a broken camera. Sigh. It's so stressful. And really, it's not, I just make it stressful.

Whatever.

Also...what else was there? Oh yeah. My computer keeps dying a little more each day. Today I finally got the motherboard replaced. A bit later, while doing nothing special on it, it froze. I restarted. Then was signed onto AIM for maybe a minute (it starts up as soon as the computer starts), and it froze again. Turned it off and on again after waiting a bit between. And I think that time it made it up all the way and was fine. Then I was gone for a few hours bowling and such, and a while after I had gotten back, I was online again and again it froze. And it's freezing when I'm not even opening a particularly slow-opening page. Just a regular page. Or maybe not even opening a page, but just sitting there doing nothing, maybe reading something or something. So after that last time it froze, I again turned it off and on, and before it had fully rebooted, it went to the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. Lovely. So I restarted again. And it did that. Again. Which is problematic. The third time, I waited a bit after turning it off before hitting the on button again. And lucky me, the blue screen didn't come back. Everything was fine for awhile, but then it froze again and I had to turn on and off, and froze again while trying to reboot before it got to the point where AIM signed on. The third time I think it worked fine. But ugh. Now I'm just waiting for it to freeze randomly again. It's so frustrating, this computer. I never know when it's going to crap out on me. And one of these days, I think it'll crap out and never come back. And I'll be sad, but that's life. It's a computer, it can't last forever. Oh well.

Good news: I'm finishing with a 3.547 GPA. Not too shabby. Not wonderful, but neither has been my efforts the last four years. So I can't complain. And, hey, I got an A- in my philo class! Nothing to get excited over, but that means I did better on my last paper! So yay for that. And...that's the last time I'll ever get to talk about grades (in the foreseeable future, anyway).

Must get to bed now (soon), as I have to be up and ready to walk over to the bus bright and early at 7:30 tomorrow. Hopefully they have good movies this time (yesterday the bus we were on on the way to Chicago watched Anchorman, and the one we were on on the way back watched The Waterboy. Not terrible, but not at all my first choices). I have no idea how long the trip from here to there is. Probably at least 4 hours. Maybe we'll get two movies each way. That'd be exciting. Here's hoping for not many annoying people. (The bus on the way up had too many annoying people. On the way back, our bus was much quieter, which was nice.) Anyway. I'm sure I'll update you all on how it was tomorrow or Wednesday or something. Man, there's so much to do this week aside from the fun senior week things. I have to pack, did you know that? I sort of forgot. Haha. And I want to drive up to the house where my family's staying this weekend, just to see how it and the area are, how far away it is, etc. And...I might want to try to get to the mall again to get maybe a nice shirt for Saturday's commencement Mass (I'm just wearing a skirt and shirt to that one, not a dress), and I really need a new slip. Really. Lots of people don't like slips (unless they're, I don't know, 40 and older), but they are quite nice to have sometimes, depending on the skirt/dress. Anyway. I'll get done what I can. Man I hope this weekend has nice weather. Sigh.

Ok. Bedtime.

Cubs, weather, and dorms, oh my

Yesterday, we (Caitlin, Julie, Katherine, I, and a bunch of other people I know, and even more I don't) went to Chicago for the Cubs game, part of Senior Week. I think a lot of people who had bought a ticket to go didn't think it worth it to make the trek, because it was raining here when we left, and the forecast in Chicago was rain all day, 100% chance. And they had said that if the game was canceled while we were on the buses driving there, they'd just turn right around. So none of us were very hopeful about the whole thing. But we still went (I paid good money for that. I was going to go even if there was a good chance it would have turned out to be a waste). I walked from Cavanaugh all the way out to the parking lot near the stadium, but on the very far end, at the end of the parking lot. And it was raining, which I hadn't realized until I stepped outside, so I hadn't thought to bring an umbrella. Brilliant, is me. Anyway. I was very wet and cold on the bus ride. And then we got there, two hours before game time or so, and I was even colder when we stepped outside because it was probably 50 but felt a lot chillier. Definitely nothing like what May 11 weather should be. Caitlin and I got some McDonalds (it was right near the stadium, and we didn't feel like walking to somewhere else that had alcohol like everyone else was doing). Good thing about McDonald's? It's cheap. And mmm coffee. Anyway. We sat there for awhile, then met up with the others at the bar they had gone to to get food and stuff.

After a little while, we headed over to the game because we hadn't heard yet that it had been rained out or anything, and it looked like it had stopped raining (it had). Did the typical Wrigley Field photo-op:Then headed inside. Got free pink Cubs hats (pink for Susan G Komen breast cancer research stuff, as we found out a bit later. They were also using pink bats occasionally, and the catcher wore pink protective gear, whatever it's called that they wear, etc). Got to our seats. Wasn't very full, understandably (it may have stopped raining, but the wind was still very much around, and 50 isn't that warm to begin with, if it was even that). I was still a tad wet from the morning walk to the bus, too, so yeah. Anyway. Eventually the game did get started, and while I was chilled most/all of the game, it was pretty fun. Especially the last two or three innings, which included a guy running onto the field (unfortunately he was clothed, because it would have been so much more exciting if it were a streaker), lots of seagulls landing on the field, the Cubs going from being down 4-2 to being tied 4-4 to a home run (their second of the day) that gave them a 6-4 lead, and an exciting double play to end the game (half an inning early!). All in all, a satisfactory day. Despite the annoying lack of sun and Novemberish weather. (Seriously, what happened to spring and May and stuff like that? I've seen far too little sun the past month.) Good times.

When I got back to my room (much later, as I went over to TC afterward with Caitlin where I had some dinner and we vegged watching various movies and stuff on TV, and then Pirates of the Caribbean), I had an email from my RA informing us, among other things, that we have to be out of the dorms by 10am on Monday. That's just cruel. I had previously been told it was 11am which is bad enough. When am I supposed to pack? And get the cars loaded up? And all that stuff? Sigh. Oh well. I mean, I can (and will) pack stuff up this week, some of it, but I can't pack everything -- I do need some clothes and such for the week. Not to mention, where am I supposed to keep my filled suitcases? My room is only so big. Oh well. I'll get it figured out, get it done. The other annoying thing is that they're turning one of the two restrooms on the floor (every floor) into a men's restroom for graduation weekend, because for some reason they let people stay in the dorms over that weekend. Like, parents and stuff. I'm hoping hoping hoping that they make the other end bathroom the men's room, in part because it'd make more sense since in my hallway there are a lot fewer rooms in which people can be staying (most of us are seniors or staying to work senior week). The other hallway had a lot of underclassmen and stuff. So I'm hoping. I find it odd that they'd put people up on the fourth floor as it is, but I guess they have that many requests? I don't know. I think it's weird, but that's just me. It's just going to be one more little annoyance that weekend that I'll just have to deal with and get over. (Sunday morning though? A floor full of mostly girls trying to take showers in two shower stalls because the other two are in the designated men's bathroom, for the like six guys that might be up here? That ought to be fun.)

Anyway. I'm so annoyed at the weather here this semester. As of right now, it's supposed to be slightly rainy and high 50s or low to mid 60s this weekend. My graduation weekend. When I just want it to be beautiful and 70 and sunny. Why can't I have that just this once? We really haven't had much 70s weather here. It sucks. Oh well. Guess I'll just enjoy whatever I can.

I don't have much today

I have a feeling senior week is going to be one long crazy fest. And not very restful. But I'm ok with that (although, when I'll catch up on my sleep is anyone's guess. More likely that I never will).

Right now, here's what I know: My face broke out this week. Annoying time to happen, but I think it's due to the lack of sleep I've gotten. It happens. Oh well. Here's hoping we're back to being pretty(ish) by graduation! (Following a Cub's game tomorrow, bowling Monday night, Cedar Point on Tuesday, a few various things Wednesday during the day, the senior Commencement Ball Wednesday night, a tour of the tunnels under ND on Thursday, Last Visit to the Grotto Thursday night, aaaaand...seeing Prince Caspian on Friday. Then family and graduation stuff Saturday and Sunday. Cuh-razy, I tell you.

Oh and I'm sick too. Lovely unhappy throat and a cough. Could be worse, so I won't complain too much (especially since I willingly went to the Backer last night and then stayed up very late talking with friends and such, thereby not getting the sleep I need to help myself recuperate. What's this week for except to spend as much time as possible with friends I won't see very often after this?).

I survived the battle

No, not the battle with finals -- I'm still fighting that one.

The battle I'm talking about is the battle with the spider. Remember that spider I mentioned a few days ago? The one I didn't manage to kill right away and then lost? Well, I can't be sure it's the same one, but I just killed a spider that looked a heck of a lot like that other one. Based on the few seconds I saw it earlier, anyway. The reason this was a battle, and that it's post-worthy?

IT WAS IN MY SHIRT.

That's right, folks. I had gotten up from my computer (where I'm sitting, almost 3 in the morning, studying for my last final that I have at 10:30) to pluck a few stray eyebrow hairs. What can I say, I find odd things with which to distract myself from studying. Just as I had plucked a few to my satisfaction, or about as good as I can get with a pair of tweezers, I noticed in the mirror, to my horror, something black around the collar of my T-shirt, moving. Now, I often have those little moments where I think I see something moving (and always think it's a spider) and then really it's nothing. This time, sadly, I was actually seeing something. And as I gave a tiny gasp and sort of shrugged my shirt to try to get it off, it fell into my shirt. It was crawling around on the inside (luckily the front) for a few seconds as I tried to get it out so I could kill it, and finally managed to get it out (as it webbed itself down to the floor). My carpet is a dark green so it was a bit hard to see, but I saw it and killed it with satisfaction. I really hope that was the same spider. Because I can't handle another episode like that.

Seriously, people. Spider IN MY SHIRT. Now within the past 12 months, I've had a spider on the collar of my shirt, on the back of my hand (both last summer), a cockroach fall out of my robe onto my foot, and now a spider actually in my shirt. And I'm pretty sure I've had a spider crawling in my hair on at least one occasion, and possibly more. Disgusting, all of it. The cockroach was the least gross of all of these by far, even though very few people seem to agree with me on that.

Guh now I'm going to be creeped out all night and won't be able to sleep. Like last night, when I didn't fall asleep until after 6 because I just couldn't turn my mind off. This week has been kicking my butt. But it's ok. Spiders in my shirt? Not so ok. Spiders on me anywhere at all ever is not ok.

I'll be shuddering over this for the next week, I think. Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Disgusting. And even more disgusting is the fact that I have no idea where it came from that it was on my shirt in the first place. Could have crawled up from somewhere around my desk, or fallen down from the ceiling above my desk, or from the ceiling above my sink where I was standing, or anywhere really. So very disconcerting. And I've been keeping my eye out for that spider, too. I really hope that was the one. And that that's the last one I see this year. Or ever again, for that matter, but I suppose that's asking a bit much. Sadly they do live everywhere. I know my fear of them is irrational, but there it is, and I don't think it'll be changing any time soon.

But come on, who can fault me for being disgusted when the spider goes inside my shirt? Really?

Feeling weird...

People are moving out, which seems bizarre. But if it were any other year, I'd be getting ready to leave, too. Luckily for me (I think?) it's not, and I'm here for another week. Of course, that extra week translates into no longer being a student here...but let's forget about that little detail. Haha.

I had such insomnia last night. Irritating. But oh well. Sleep is so unimportant (except...that's totally not true. It's more important than I like to admit, sadly. One of these days, I'll have a regular sleep schedule again, and a sleep schedule that regular people keep).

Tomorrow is my last final. Ever. That means my last academic anything, unless I go to grad school at some point. Still a possibility, but I'm not really thinking about it right now. I hope tomorrow's final goes well, though. It'd be nice to go out in a blaze of glory. Or at least with a little bit of oomph. But I'll take anything, almost. I figure I have to do better on this one than I did on the midterm, if only because I've done a lot more of the reading this half of the semester. And a lot of it was Chronicles of Narnia. So yeah. I'm hoping it goes well. Of course, I am being rather dumb and instead of holing myself in my room all night and studying like I could so that I do as best as I can (hm I think that phrase is wrong), I'm going over to TC and partaking in a pizza party -- Katherine likes to make pizza once in awhile, and she's doing it tonight, and lots of people are coming over, and then later we'll watch The Office (yay!) and Lost (yay!) and it'll be good times. I'd rather have good memories with friends than a great GPA my last semester of college, really. So yeah. And there's always all those hours after I come back. Like I said, who needs sleep? Haha.

Tomorrow starting at noon is the pick up for senior week tickets (for things like the Cubs game and Cedar Point, and sign-ups for other, free events such as bowling (woohoo!), "sneak peak" things such as going into the ND tunnels, the 14th floor penthouse of the library, the stadium press box, etc). I am planning on going as soon as I'm done the above final, which should be around 11:30 or later, hopefully by 11:45. I'm a bit paranoid about things and like to be first in line just in case, and I don't know when other people are going to be heading over to sign up for stuff, but yeah. I want to get there as early as I can so I can make sure to get spots for like bowling and such. And I'm probably going to end up spending more money I don't really have and get some 2008 class merchandise...I've been wanting to get one of those sweatshirts for a while, or maybe sweatpants...we'll see. It's funny, I can't make myself spend $30 on a bra I need to wear with my bridesmaid dress for Peter's wedding, yet I plunk down my money like nobody's business when it comes to any and all things ND. It's a sickness, I tell ya. Oh well.

So I got a call from the Dell guy (well, the guy who does on-site repairs for Dell) today and he said he'd be over here around 5 this evening. Then he called back a couple hours later to tell me my part hadn't come in yet. So...hopefully it'd better be here by tomorrow, because it should have been here today. I talked to the service tech on late Tuesday night, and they're supposed to have next-day service, so it should have gotten here today and I can't understand why it didn't. I mean, it's not that big a deal now that my battery is back to working order (or good enough anyway), but still. The flashiness gets to me. I could change my settings so that the screen stays bright when it's on battery power, but then I wouldn't notice when it goes to battery power. Anyway. Hopefully he'll be able to fix it tomorrow afternoon (and hopefully he won't find 50 other things wrong with my computer that have to be fixed, as happened last time I got a motherboard replaced. Remember that? That was lots of fun).

Lilacs are blooming. And you know what's lovely about lilacs? No two bushes are exactly the same shade. It's amazing. And wonderful. Man I love lilacs.

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

Gas prices are insane. A couple days ago, they were 3.63 or so. Today? 3.85. Bleh. It's been so nice not having to buy gas at all this semester. I've been running on the same tank I put in at the beginning of the semester as I got close to South Bend when driving back here after break. And I'm pretty sure at that time it was somewhere near 3.20 or thereabouts. Nowhere near what it is now. I probably have less than a quarter tank left, so it's getting close, but I won't need to get more gas until it's time to leave here forever (probably). Gonna be a rude awakening for me when I start having to buy gas every two weeks or so again...bleh. Not looking forward to it. Oh well. At least I'll have a steady, full-time job with which to pay for said gas. Not to mention that credit card bill I've been carrying around for almost a year now. It'll be AMAZING to get that paid off. Assuming I don't go all spend-crazy, I should be able to get it paid off within two or three months. Of course, I will have to spend some money to buy some work clothes...I really have no nice business-casual type things. And no nice close-toed shoes, as I've discussed before. So...yeah. Need to do that. Some time in the week I'm home before I start working...during which time we'll be celebrating my brother's coming home for leave and, oh yeah, his wedding. Should be a fun week. Ugh. Oh well.

I sort of want to see the new Indiana Jones. We watched #1 the other night, and it was lots of fun. I'm also very excited to see Prince Caspian next week. Good stuff.

I'm so tired.

Huh?

All righty, so as of the last post, my computer was sucking and had managed to suck out all of the battery. And was continuing somehow to suck out the battery even as it was charging. When I turned on my computer this morning, battery was still at 0%. Less than two hours later? 100%. What the heck? Crazy thing. Anyway. So I guess we're ok with the battery now as far as that goes. And I have a new motherboard on the way, which will be nice (I'm not tempting fate and I'm keeping my laptop firmly stationary on my desk for now. Although now that the battery's working again, it's not as important). So. Yeah.

I just went to my directed readings exam. The oral for which I had no idea what to expect, or how to prepare. Didn't go well. Surprisingly (ha). Just...a conglomeration of various things that collided to create me seeming completely unprepared, partly because I didn't know how to be prepared for what he was going to ask. Lots of fun. He wanted to give me an A- because of today, although he said the rest of the semester I had been great. I was unhappy about this, and he could tell, and I told him that I seemed like an idiot today because I didn't know how to prepare (although I didn't outright say it was because he had refused to answer those emails in which I asked him how to prepare beyond, say, re-reading and memorizing all of the 12 documents/articles/things I read this semester). He then conceded and said he'd give me an A for effort. So...whatever. Could have been worse. I've never fought for a grade before, and I didn't really like it, but I wanted that A. I worked harder for that class than any of my other classes this semester, I think. Not that that means I deserve an A, obviously, but...ugh. If I was going to get an A and then blew it today, that's when I have a problem. So yeah. All's well that ends well I guess. It's over now at least.

And...what else...I'm a little sad about today's weather. Cloudy, not terribly warm (60s), and drizzly. Bleh. I thought today was going to be nicer, but I guess not. I just hope that Sunday (Cub's game) and Tuesday (Cedar Point) are nice, sunny, and warm. Oh, and graduation weekend too. I really really hope that graduation weekend is nice. With my luck it won't be. Would be perfectly in line with how South Bend weather goes, I guess. It's enough to make me (almost) excited about going back to my 300-days-of-sun-a-year-Colorado Springs. That won't last long, I'm sure, but yeah.

Here's a better note to end on:

Imagined conversation

I'm about to call Dell (at midnight? Weird). Here's how I'm hoping this goes:

"Hi this is Dell"
"Hi Dell, I need a new motherboard."
"Why?"
"Because the computer is having issues registering the power cord as being plugged in, and I've had this problem several, several times before and it's a problem with the motherboard end. So I need a new motherboard."
"Oh, ok then. Anything else?"
"Well, my battery seems not to be charging anymore, as of four hours ago. Wanna send along a new one of those free of charge?"
"Sure! Love to."
"Great, thanks!"

Maybe 15 minutes tops. In reality, it'll probably take three hours. And it'll probably be someone who barely speaks English and therefore I can barely understand. Ah, the wonders of modern-day customer service.

Here's hoping...


UPDATE: Well, my phone decide it wants in on the technology hating me thing, so right as soon as I started talking to someone at Dell, it disconnected. And I tried calling back a few times and it kept saying "error in connection" and wouldn't let the call go through. Sooooo...hm. I'm currently trying chat support online, but I'm number 17 in queue, so who knows how long it'll take. Oh, now number 14. Yay! Let's hope it's not an aggravating experience. I'll keep you posted. Haha.

UPDATE #2: It's been maybe half an hour since that last update, and I'm now number 6 or so. 5. Yeah. Sigh. Definitely not quicker than by phone (I had no wait time there, but the whole disconnecting/not connecting thing sort of makes communication difficult). Sigh. I suppose I could be using this wait time to get some "studying" done for my "final" tomorrow. Perhaps the studying shouldn't be in quotes, but I feel quite justified putting the word final in quotes. I have absolutely NO idea what to expect tomorrow for this directed readings thing. (Did I ever mention? I finally, after not being able to decide which would be better, emailed my prof back and told him I really had no preference and that I had just mentioned the paper because it seemed he was having trouble finding a time to fit me in during finals week. So then he replied and said "How about Wednesday at 10:30" which was fine with me. And in that reply I sent back, I also asked what the format of this oral exam would be, which I had asked in my initial email detailing my finals schedule as well as a list of readings I did this semester, as per his request. Both times, no answer to the "What will this entail" question. Surprise, surprise.) So...no idea what to expect. I'm not really worried, because he'd better give me at least a decent grade -- I'm fairly certain he hadn't even looked at a single of the four or five papers I had written by the time we finished our regular meetings, let alone graded them. He's a busy guy, and I therefore think he'll be fairly lenient in the grading. It's been pretty casual all along (apparently a bit more casual than I'd like), so yeah. Obviously I've put in effort in this, and I hope he knows that (how could he not?), so I'm just hoping he sort of wings my grade. Ugh. Whatever.

Ooooh I'm number 2! (I'm going to be totally juvenile here: Gross!)

Well, finally talked to someone (I was "next in line" for quite awhile). Pretty easy, they're just sending a new motherboard. I think I'm pretty screwed with the battery thing though. It's way out of warranty (it's four years old), and yeah. So...that's annoying. Because I'm not going to pay whatever it costs to buy a new battery for a computer I probably won't have that much longer. On the other hand, maybe I can find a cheap-ish used one on ebay...I'll have to look into it.

Anyway. Maybe I should go to bed soon (it's late now), and be rested for that "final" tomorrow. Lots of fun. Bleh.

Goodnight.

I can't leave you all with a spider picture!

Grotto

Dome and lilacs. Two of my favorite things. (And as of Sunday, the lilacs weren't quite fully ripe yet. But they're coming!)

B-e-a-utiful.

Some pretty trees in front of Lafortune (God Quad side).

Three layers of delicious color. Mmm.

More computer woes

I'm currently sitting here, trapped under my laptop. "Why are you trapped, Susie?" you might ask. Why? Well, I'll tell you: My battery currently has 0% battery power. Even less, probably. This is because a little while ago my computer did the fun thing it likes to do when I need a new motherboard where the connection between motherboard and power cord gets very questionable and eventually cuts out altogether. And then I have no choice but to sit and wait until the battery power runs out entirely, the computer goes into hibernate, I reconnect the cord, and turn the computer back on. At which point the connection is recognized and the battery can start to charge again. Now, this is what should happen. But for some reason this time around, my computer isn't going into hibernate, and instead just goes to standby. But I can't turn it back on because there's not enough battery power. So I have to turn it off, thereby losing whatever I had up (although this is less frustrating now that Firefox has the nifty feature of restoring previous Firefox sessions if they were shut down without warning). And then I can turn it on and go along with my day as my computer recharges. I miss it going into hibernation though, I really do, and I don't know why it doesn't anymore.

This time, though, it went into standby, and I tried just turning it on to come out of standby. It worked, but the cord still wasn't registering. But it was still on. And it stayed on, minutes after the battery power had gone to 0%. I don't know how, but I guess there's a bit more juice left even after it says it's all gone. Eventually the computer just turned off outright. So I jiggled the power cord, it registered as being plugged in and charging, and I could turn on my computer again. Yay. So I was sitting there all nicely for a little while, doing whatever, while it charged. And then I changed positions (I'm sitting on my bed) which caused the power cord to move, obviously, but still remain plugged in. My temperamental motherboard didn't like this, though, and cut out power for a second -- long enough to go to battery power, which apparently still doesn't exist. So I turned the computer back on, had just got things going again, and argh it did it again. Now I'm sitting here, laptop on my lap, power cord charging the battery, afraid to move because -- even after being plugged in for a good half hour at least, now, my battery power is still at 0%. Soooo...that's irritating. Not only do I have a battery that lasts less than an hour, if I'm lucky, and a motherboard that sucks at registering the power cord, I seem to have a battery and/or power cord that takes FOREVER to charge. Lucky, lucky me.

At least I have a computer, I guess. That's something.

(And yes, I have to call Dell and get one more motherboard out of them before my warranty expires in June. I don't know when I'll have money for a new laptop, but I doubt it'll be any time soon enough that this power cord problem won't get worse. But calling Dell means having to be around for an extended period of time during the day one of these days, waiting for them to show up. And I have stuff to do. People to see. I'm kind of a big deal. All right, that's not true, but still. I guess I should just do it though. Maybe call them right now. Except I'm going shopping on Thursday and I don't know what time...hm. What a tough life I lead, no? Haha. Yeah, yeah, I'm spoiled and know nothing of real problems. I know.

I also know that I'm hungry and want to get something to eat, but alas, I'm afraid to get up. But I bet I'll survive that, too.

(Speaking of surviving things: No sign of yesterday's spider, both sadly and not sadly. I don't want to see it, but I want to kill it. I want it to be dead, actually. But I'm afeared that when I'm packing up stuff to go home, I'll pick up some random something in a corner and it'll be there waiting to lunge at me and kill me. Or I'll reach into a dark covered spot under my bed or something and disturb it in its new home and it'll bite me and kill me. I'm convinced, based on the two seconds I caught a bit of a glimpse of it, that it's a black widow. Just because it was black. And they're gross. Could be worse though -- it could be a wolf spider that's like 6 inches in diameter or something. ugggggh. (Or, google "clock spider" and look at those pictures. I posted them here once, I think. Ugh. I wish I hadn't just looked it up again. I think I would just...I don't even know what I'd do if that happened to me. ughghghghghg. Oh hey remember the time I saw this lovely dude?:Yeah, that was disgusting. That's a softball, by the way. Easily the biggest spider I've ever come into contact with. It was tough trying to kill it, but kill it I did. Thankfully I had a reliable dog there to alert me to the presence of this disgusting creature. I don't care if they're important to the environment -- I hate spiders and always, always will. Yuck.)

There's someone in my room...

While I was making that last post, I saw a spider fall down from my ceiling onto my dresser (which is at the end of my bed. I was sitting next to the dresser, on the end of my bed). Unfortunately, my dresser is currently a big pile of papers and things, making it easy for this ugly black spider to get lost. I grabbed a tissue and went about starting to try to look for it, and then I did see it, and then I thought I squished it, and then it had disappeared again. And now I have no idea where it is. And I'm freaked out and grossed out and ick ick ick. I want to know where it is so I can kill it and so I don't find it when I pick up a notebook or a pair of pants or something. Because it could be anywhere by this point. I'm sooooo grossed out right now. I had been doing well, spider-wise -- I don't think I've seen any this whole year (in my room). Maybe one or two at the very beginning of the year, but none for quite awhile. But man, what if it's my bed tonight when I go to sleep? Ughhhh. I hate spiders. Hate hate hate them. Last semester, while putting on my robe after taking a shower one morning, a cockroach fell out of the robe (or something like that, I'm not quite sure what) and on to my foot. And promptly ran up the shower wall and all over, all crazy quick-like. It was sort of gross, but man, nowhere near as gross as having a spider anywhere in close proximity to me. Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck.

The post that shound have been Lazy Sunday

Ok, so these are all animal pictures. I took some really lovely (in my opinion) pictures of less animal-like things, but I guess I figured I'd break it up. And this post was about lazy Sunday, so why not put the many lazy animal pictures I took yesterday? Yes. Anyway. These are mostly boring, just fyi.

Squirrel that I happened to notice outside the stadium, just chilling. It was awesome.

He didn't appreciate me taking so many pictures. But I sort of loved him.

This guy didn't like me much either.

I was so happy to stumble upon this group of ducks just...sleeping. Haha. Loved it.

These guys aren't really being lazy, but whatever.

This guy was just cute. And he stood up just for me, so I had to take a picture.

You've heard of Swan Lake? Well, this is Swan Island.

Yay! Lazy turtles!

This was either a baby squirrel or a hybrid squirrel-chipmunk. It was weird. And he didn't like me taking pictures of him, either. These animals are finicky, I tell ya.

This turtle may or may not have been dead...but he sure wasn't with the others.

This squirrel dude looked weird. Not sure why.

Look! More turtles on more logs!

Closer shot.

Closer shot of the other log.

With some flowers in the foreground...because they're pretty.

Hey look! He woke up and got in the lake!

These dudes are still lazing though.

And these guys are starting to move around too!

The end.

Color me disappointed

I went on a nice walk this afternoon around campus -- down by the library, between the stadium and JACC, past Debartolo, down South Quad, around St Mary's Lake (I think -- I always forget which one is Mary and which one is Joe, but it's the one that is next to Carroll. I'm pretty sure that's St Mary), and up past the Basilica and Main Building. Quite lovely. It was nice out today. And I got some fun pictures. At least, I think they're fun. But none of you will ever know because technology hates me. I've never had this problem before, but for some reason when I tried to connect my camera to my computer, the computer doesn't register it. Everything seems fine on the camera side (although I've been noticing a weird noise coming from it, from the lens part, when it extends or retracts with the zoom and whatnot. But it seems to be working fine enough for now, so I'll worry about that later, when and if I need to), but there's just no recognition on the computer side. It worked fine a few days ago. Sigh. I had a nice picture post all ready in my head. Even a title. Aw.

I guess I'll just have to write something instead. Because I could take this as a sign that I should be studying (remember that final I have tomorrow? Yeah me either), but I'm not gonna. I decided yesterday that I'm rather anti-horse racing. It's just so sad. And with the second-place finisher that had to be euthanized there on the track, ugh. I was reading a bit about it (and possibly some biased sources, but that's what happens), and it just...not good. You know how with some purebred dogs, there starts to be problems with hips and other health issues and such because of inbreeding? Apparently it's worse with (thoroughbred race) horses. They're bred specifically for speed, and not stamina or strength, and thus things like breaking both front ankles right after a race (or whatever it was that happened to Barbaro) happens. It's all about using the horse as much as possible to get as much money out of it as possible, and it just seems sort of wrong to me. What a sucky life, too. Apparently those horses aren't thrills to be around either. Mean things. I just don't like it. And my animal-lover heart hates to hear things about animals getting euthanized like that. Obviously it's necessary in many cases with horses, but that doesn't make it any less sad. Poor thing. Anyway. No more watching horse racing for me (not like I watch it really ever anyway).
EDIT: I just read an article on cnn.com that says PETA wants the horse's jockey (the horse that died yesterday) suspended while there's an investigation. I think PETA is ridiculous, so I hope no one thinks I'm all PETA-friendly because of my above comments. They might have some good points sometimes, but most of the time they just come off as extremist and crazy. I doubt the jockey had anything to do with what happened to that horse, and I don't think the prize money should be revoked because a very unfortunate (and seemingly impossible to prevent) thing happened. So yeah. Anyway. It's sad, but it's not the jockey's fault. PETA needs to go away.

Um......hm.

I wonder how well I can do on this final tomorrow if I don't study for it at all...sigh. I've tried, I just...don't care enough to try studying very hard. I'm so sick of school. I really am. I'm getting frustrated just thinking about still having schoolwork left to do. What's the point, anyway? For seniors, I mean. We should be exempt from finals. Or have optional finals. That'd be sweeeet.

One week one week one week. I can make it. My grades might not, but I will. And plus, grades, schmades. Who cares about them anyway? (At dinner I was talking to my friend Gail about when we used to be really good at school. I have all these instances from elementary, middle, and high school when I was singled out as the best or one of the best in this class or that -- actually my three main examples are math, math, and chemistry, interestingly enough. Did nothing related to those in college; maybe I should have. Oh well. I gave it my all for a good ten years of my life. Well, really, eight, because I had nothing to compare myself to when I was homeschooled. And then I got to college and had accomplished what I wanted, so it's been sort of..."whatever" since then. I used to be such a good student. And teacher's pet. Brown noser. Definitely none of those anymore, and I'm really ok with that. I think. I'm still graduating. And I'm graduating with a 3.5 gpa from Notre Dame. Nothing to sneeze at, whatever that phrase means. Depending on how things turn out, it might be slightly lower than a 3.5, but still. Pretty darn close, either way.)

Guess I should really at least look like I might have studied more than five minutes though. Bleh. Ok. Going now.

Sunday morning check-in

I just got back from the Basilica (well, after I went to the dining hall for a bite to eat). It was my last Sunday Basilica Mass until...who knows? Next week I'm going to that Cubs game, for which we have to leave at 10:30am, so I'll be going to the 5pm Saturday evening Mass most likely (which itself is a pretty lovely Mass, so not too sad there), and the following week we have the Commencement Mass in the JACC on Saturday evening. I'm sure it'll be nice enough, but I'm sure it'll also be less traditional than I prefer. And less incense-y. And less pretty (JACC <<< Basilica). The following morning I'll be at the theo major's brunch and such, so yeah. Anyway. I'm gonna miss that place. Oh well. C'est la vie, right?

Today I have three things I want to get done. Well, two that I want to, and one that I have to. And maybe a fourth, but that can be pushed back (it's laundry. As long as I do it in the next few days it'll be fine. Although I should do it today or tomorrow). The two things I want to do are take a nap and go take pictures outside, walk around campus a bit. It's not terribly warm, but it's not cold either, and it's a beautifully clear day, so yeah. Good picture day. The lilacs aren't quite enough in bloom yet though to take good pictures of them, but I'm sure that'll be forthcoming this week sometime. They're just about there, and starting to give off their lovely scent. (Lovely if you're not Bethany, at least, who is quite sadly allergic to them. Although I don't think she's too sad about it. I would be though.) But yes. So that's what I want to do, and then unfortunately what I have to do is study for my final tomorrow. I don't want to take that final. Ugh. But I have to study at least a bit because how sad would it be to fail a pass/fail class? I'm not sure I can even get a low enough score on the final that'll cause me to fail the class completely, but you never know. Plus, there's always that part of me that wants to do well at whatever I try. It's been suppressed quite a bit this year because my trying hasn't yielded much "doing well", but it's still there. So whatever. Oh well. I have...at least another twelve hours to get this stuff done. And we all know I won't be going to sleep at 11:30 tonight, so it's more than that. Bleh.

Speaking of finals, I have a dilemma. Sort of. Last Monday, I emailed my directed readings prof my finals schedule and whatnot as he had told me to do, so that he could get back to me based on that and we could find a time that worked for both of us for me to do the oral exam we had previously discussed doing. When I still hadn't heard back by Friday, I emailed him again, saying "I kind of would like to know when I'm taking this final" blah blah blah, please get back to me. Still hadn't heard anything by yesterday afternoon, so I emailed him again and said "If it's easier for you, do you just want me to write something like an 8-10 synthesis paper and turn it in by Friday or something?" because I had no idea what was going on with him. Almost immediately he replied and asked which I prefer. What the heck? I don't know what to say. It'd probably be less stressful just writing a paper (which, let's face it, he probably won't even get around to reading anyway -- I'm pretty sure he didn't get to a single one of the five or so papers I wrote for the last half or so of the semester, when he started telling me to write one for each reading) rather than have to get a date and time out of him to do an exam thing. But that means writing another paper. By Friday. Which I obviously won't get to until Tuesday, probably, at the earliest, and I have another final on Friday for which I should probably brush up on a few of the readings since the midterm -- but then, probably won't either way. It'd be nice to get this class over with, which would be quicker and easier with an exam versus a paper. But you know me. I have no idea what to do. Argh. I don't get it. It's like he was just waiting for me to suggest doing a paper. I'm frustrated by this situation. Oh well. In a week (minus two days) it'll all be over, and then it'll be a lovely week of Notre Dame with no classes or homework or studying!

This is for Katherine: I went to the Backer again last night. I think that's the fourth time I've been this semester, and the second time I've had a pretty fun night. The Backer is best when there are lots of fun people there that I know and thus I don't even feel a need for more than like one drink to have a great time. (And even that one drink I had last night was sort of yucky after a little while. It gets hot in there, and not-cold drinks are sort of gross. I don't think I even finished it, actually.) It's just so much fun to go there and not take myself seriously at all and just dance around all crazy-like. It's the only way I know how to dance, really, so I like to get it out when I can. Haha. Anyway. Good times.

Well. I'm off to do one of those three things I mentioned (although I'm sure we can all guess which one I'm not doing right now...)

What I'm enjoying lately

This site's pretty cool: Stuff Catholics Like. Plus, it's partly run by my soon-to-be-employer, so it's got that going for it, which is nice.

This CD's pretty cool (well, from the first three songs at least): Here Come the Irish. I've been wanting to get it for a good two years now, and I finally did. Mmm. And from their website, I think I'd be interested in getting more of their stuff. Sometimes I'm not a fan of piano music, but sometimes I really am. Plus, they're ND grads (and this CD and another are very ND-centric), so they've got that going for them, which is nice.

This movie's pretty cool: No Reservations. I saw it when it was in theaters last year, and watched it again tonight with a few friends. Enjoyable little flick. Plus it's got a great soundtrack too (gotta love anything that's pretty Pavarotti-heavy, really), so it's got that going for it, which is nice.

This thing's pretty cool:Plus it's on my finger, with my name inscribed in it, so it's got that going for it, which is nice.

This place is pretty cool:
Plus it's like the best place in the world, so I've got that going for me, which is nice.

This dude's pretty cute:Plus, I'll be seeing him in like two weeks, and then I'll be able to see him all the time, so I've got that going for me too, which is nice.

If only my computer weren't so dying lately, I'd be having a pretty marvelous time right now. And even that's not too bad, which is nice.

I can't help but love them both

Just to clarify, I'm not unexcited about being back home or anything. I'm really excited about my job, even though it may be rough going for the first few weeks while I get the hang of things and figure out what the heck it means to be a marketing manager. And I love Colorado, and my family, and all that jazz, obviously. (And man, it sure is nice to be in a place where I can just drink water right out of the tap and have it taste wonderful. Definitely not the case here.) It's not the going home. It's the not coming back here. Sigh. Anyway. I'll be ok. I really do look forward to Colorado in the summertime. I hope it's not a hot summer though. It'll be nice to be home. And to be home for a long period of time. Weird. But nice. And little humidity. Also nice.

All I can do now is take lots of pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. And I am.

Also, did you know I still have to take finals? Bleh. I have history on Monday, and after looking over the study sheet he sent us yesterday, man I do not want to study for it. Chances are my studying will be quite less than thorough...Oh well.

For my sister...

She and I certainly never used to act that out with our friend when we were like 12ish or something...haha.

(Oh, and man, right now it's 68 degrees out. And 73% humidity. What??? Ugh. I will not miss this humidity. So annoying to take a shower and then fifteen minutes later feel sticky and gross again, even though all you've done is sit at the computer. Walking around outside isn't any better, either -- especially when you didn't bring your camera and thus can't take pictures of all the pretty trees and such blooming on campus. Adds insult to injury. Um...but anyway.)

You'd think I like it there or something

So I took this picture a month ago when I realized something odd about my wall...
That's right. The April picture in my Rocky Mountain National Park calendar is the same picture as the poster I had up right next to it. (The poster is now removed, sadly, since we had to take down everything from our walls for room inspections today. I put the calendars back up, though. And I'm happy to say that May's picture is equally as lovely. But I have no corresponding posters, sadly.) Too bad that wasn't also my background on my computer at the same time. Haha. That would have been awesome. I think I'm a little obsessed with RMNP, but I just can't help it. It's so wonderfully beautiful. And I do have to say, it was nice having that picture to look at in double every day. Unfortunately, my two RMNP posters are not in the greatest shape after having gone from my room at home to being in my various rooms at ND, rolled up lots of times for long periods in between, etc. Oh well.

Someone tell me what I'm trying to say or feel!

It's impossible to ignore now. My time here is very much running out. I went to Mass tonight (have I mentioned how much I'm going to miss that Basilica? Oh so very, very much). Again, almost started crying. You know what the worst part about crying is? The runny nose that accompanies it. Even if I manage to stem the tears and make them go away before they start spilling onto my cheeks, I can do nothing about the nose part. And I hate sniffley noses. Both when other people do it and when I do it. So anyway. Yeah. Back to my point. I so don't want to leave. Someone mentioned that the day after graduation, it's like being evicted from Notre Dame. We don't want to leave! It's not like I'm one of the ones going off to a new place, a new city, a completely new life. I'm still going to be living at home, with my parents, in my hometown, and the only difference will be that I have a full time job that won't end at the end of the summer. (At least, I sure hope it won't.) So...I don't know. It's just all going to be different though. Never being a student here again? Being a visitor whenever I manage to get back here? (And who knows when that'll be.) Saying good bye to all my lovely, wonderful, awesome, amazing friends who I also don't know when I'll be seeing again? My friends who know all my inside jokes, who get me like other people maybe don't anymore, with whom I've experienced so much. It'll be so hard, so weird, so...different. And I just hope there's something out there that'll make my new life worth leaving this old one behind (as if I have a choice...). The fact is though, who knows what the next few years will bring. No one promised that life after college will be great. In fact, people probably are more likely to say the opposite. Sigh.

I'm too addicted to this place. I want to hold on to it as much and as long as I can. Even though that means sometimes I buy a bit too much during the bookstore's student appreciation days just because it says ND on it...um...yeah...

Oh, that wasn't the point of this post. The point of this post was my family coming up here for graduation. They're coming. And I feel sort of bad about it, because it's a rather big hassle. And the whole time they're here, it'll be weird because I want them to feel the love for this place that I feel, but they won't. It's a completely different experience for them. I want them to be here with enough time so I can show them around. Walk around the lakes, show them my favorite spots on campus, all that jazz. But it'll be like trying to fit them into a part of my life that's been completely removed from them. None of them have any associations with Notre Dame other than that I go here. We never watched ND games growing up, we never talked about it, I never had any feelings toward the place until I came here to visit that first time. And now it's like my second home, and I just have so many memories, and they're just never going to be able to get it to the same extent, obviously. It's just the school where their daughter/sister/etc went, although perhaps it's a bit more special than say Colorado State (no offense to my big brother). But still. It's going to be a weird weekend. I don't want them to be disappointed; after all, they're taking quite a long weekend to come up here and be with me at the end, so I want it all to be perfect for them. It's so hard, though, to be so focused on making sure that everyone else is not disappointed to the point where I ignore myself. I don't know. I don't even know what I'm trying to say.

Life's weird, I guess would be the point.

(Also weird? My mom just friended me on facebook. My mom joined facebook. I don't even know what to do with that. For four years, I've been the only person in my whole family to be on facebook. And now my mom's on it? Weird. Guess I better go hide those pictures I have of me doing bad things. Oh wait, I don't do bad things. Haha.)

I guess I'm nerdy either way...

For the record, I did not sit in my room and play TypeRacer all night last night. Instead, I went over to TC after dinner, hung out in Caitlin and Katherine's apartment for a couple hours (and by hung out I mean I slept -- for a few minutes curled up on the couch, then for a good hour or two lying on the floor, in both cases wrapped up in my favorite blanket which is unfortunately Katherine's), then we went next door to Bethany and Julie's where we sat for awhile, listened to music, and I don't even know what else, and then at like 11 something or 12 decided to play Trivial Pursuit (90s edition, the only one any of us has here) which had been mentioned at dinner. We played that until around three when we decided to call it quits because it was late and people had to be up for things this morning. As usually seems to be the case, Bethany was the first (and I think only) person to get all the pie pieces, but then after a few failed attempts to get back to the middle and get her last question, we decided it was time to stop. I did ok, but I think only got three of the six pieces (but surprisingly my first piece was the yellow one -- the technology category. And I think it was from an early year too, so I was really surprised it was a question I knew. But I don't remember now what it was. Oh well). It was funny -- I actually got two questions where the answer was Zsa Zsa Gabor, and I got them both right. Anyway. It was a fun night, but a somewhat nerdy way to spend the night of our last day of classes. Haha. We're all nerds, so it's a good time.

Anyway...um...yeah.