That's life

Today would be much, much, much less stressful if I were staying here for break. In fact, it wouldn't be stressful at all -- I'd watch some tv, curl up into my bed in a little while, and take as long a nap as I wanted to. But if I weren't going home today, tomorrow? Tomorrow would be much more depressing. Boring. Family-less. Nephew-less. Potentially hug-less. (And colder.)

I think the stress today is worth it. :-)

(Hint to family: It'd better be worth it. Haha. Just kidding.)

Traveling sucks.

Know what I learned from the trailers for The Other Boleyn Girl? Sisters are born to be rivals. That means my sister and I should be competing for everything. Hm. I don't think we do...

Also, I have a theory that the wearing of Ugg boots (or anything similar) causes people to drag their feet more than usual. I don't get it. Are they heavy? Do people not feel the need to pick their feet up completely off the ground while wearing them? I just don't know. All I know is, picking up your feet is a good thing to do. Keeps your soles from wearing out more quickly. And keeps people from wanting to act like your mother and tell you to pick up your feet. Haha.

So I just did the online check in for my flight tomorrow. They actually have an option where you can get on the standby list for an earlier flight, while checking in to your original flight. Ok well now it says it couldn't put me on the standby list. But whatever. I'm going to show up early at the airport tomorrow and hope hope hope that I can get standby on one of the three flights I can possibly get before my own flight. I mean, at worst, I'll just have to sit there in the airport for an extra...well, just an extra two hours from what I'd have to do anyway. I'm planning on taking the 2:10 bus, but if I didn't take that I'd have to take the 4:10 anyway. The 6:10 would only get me in like an hour before my flight takes off, and that's just cutting it too close for my comfort. Anyway. It'd be wonderful if I could get on an earlier flight. Because, man, 11pm is so late to get into Denver. And then drive the hour and a half or so home (well, be in the car at least). Anyway. Whatever. It'd be sooo much nicer to land at 7:20 or whatever the earliest I can get is. (Especially because that would mean I had very little waiting time in the airport.)

But one thing's for sure: if I want to be ready to leave to get to the bus stop by 2:10, I need to be at least mostly packed by tonight. Because I still have to go to my directed readings meeting tomorrow from 10:30-12. Blech. Oh well. But yes, packing. I have no idea what to bring. Stupid Colorado with its in-between temperatures, that tend to vary annoyingly. These are the projected temps from Sat-Thurs: 63(!), 39, 43, 50, 35, 47. What's that about? (The same period at school is 30, 43, 32, 30, 35, 26. So pretty comparable from day to day in South Bend.) I guess I'll have to plan on layering. Sigh. I don't have any idea what to pack. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate packing? Oh well. It's gotta be done. (I will admit, though, that much as I might complain about the lack of cloudiness in the Springs, and enjoy the cold and wintriness of here, I was sort of hoping for some warmer temperatures for a couple days. At least there's that 63 in there though. And 50. Wow. That's pretty warm, too.)

K, well I'm pretty well packed. Clothes-wise at least. And I definitely have more than enough clothes in there for the...eight whole days I'll be gone. The eighth day I'll be back here. (My friends are staying here, my TC friends, except Caitlin, and next week sometime they're going up to Chicago. So they'll be there when I land on Friday, and they'll pick me up and we'll probably stay another night. I think that's the plan anyway.) It's just so hard to plan an outfit for what I'll feel like wearing. But I think I managed to do at least semi-ok this time around. Did you know that this is the last time I'll be taking a plane for the foreseeable future? Weird. I haven't gone more than like...I don't know, three or four months without being on a plane for the past four years. That's not true. It'd be more like seven months, because I took a train the end of freshman year to come home, and then didn't fly until fall break sophomore year, so that's March to October. And then I guess spring break to fall break junior and senior years. But yeah. Anyway though.

Ok and now I forgot to post this last night. Ah well.

?

Sometimes, I feel like I'm going crazy.

Tonight is one of those times. I don't even know why. Maybe I do. But maybe I don't. Hm.

Also, I really really really really really want to go to a Red Sox game. And a Patriots game. Maybe one day. Maybe. Oh, and also: I love it.

The real point of this post comes at the end.

Further update:

Apparently, the Pomegranate flavored ROCKSTAR energy drink isn't too bad. So that's cool.

Also, know why I don't even really want to kill myself over studying for this history midterm? All I have to do is manage a D for the semester. A D. And if I can't manage to BS well enough for a D, well, I don't deserve to pass that class. That said, I will be spending at least some time tonight studying, because honestly at this point I'm not sure I could manage even a D on the midterm tomorrow. (Yeah, I probably could, but...maybe not.)

That said, I do still have the CS Lewis midterm to worry about...that grade does count, and while one midterm won't necessarily make or break my final grade, it could make a difference. I mean, it will make a difference. But...eh. Yeah. My professor made it seem so easy-breezy that I'm just putting off studying. He didn't even give us a review sheet. It's all just objective facts, stuff I guess we should be able to tell if we read the stuff. Now...I did read some of it. I looked at most of it. But I do have to go over a few things...hm. Anyway.

Oh also, I've been watching way too many movies recently with weddings or about weddings, etc. And man, does anyone really believe that two people can meet and fall in love within a matter of a few days? Ridiculous. And also, I think that maybe 72.3% of the problems that come up in these dumb romantic comedies wouldn't happen if people didn't have sex with everyone they meet, or on a whim, or before getting married. But obviously that's a losing side I'm on. Whatever.

Ok. Studying now?

Oh wait! The most important part! So when I ventured out to LaFortune for my study snack a bit ago (in my very stylish and practical huge sweats, clogs, T-shirt and fleece), it was snowing, these lovely huge big ol' fat flakes. Absolutely wonderful. And if anything, a few minutes later when I made the trek back (it's like a whole 30 second walk between LaFortune and my dorm), it was only snowing more, I think. The tracks I had made in the little bit of snow that had accumulated on my way over were pretty much all covered on my way back. I just love it when it snows like that. The whole sky seems filled with snow. And they're just beautiful flakes. I don't know if I can ever get sick of snow. Perhaps if I lived in Narnia, pre-Aslan days (well, pre-him coming back, obviously), I might. But since I live in a world with seasons, I love snow. Being up here at school has almost filled my desire for snow every winter, and I just know that being back home for every winter for the foreseeable future will more likely than not disappoint in that regard, most years. Colorado Springs just doesn't know how to be cloudy and snowy enough days. I mean, come on, 300 days of sun a year? That's ridiculous.

Anyway. Now I'm just putting off the studying. (And really, why wouldn't I? These grades won't matter at all a year from now. Probably not even six months from now. Maybe not even ever. Who knows.) Guess I should get to it.

"We don't want you to drink too much over spring break. So do your laundry for free!"

I have two midterms, back to back, tomorrow afternoon. I really haven't studied enough to do well in either at this point, but I'm so doggone-tired that I sort of just want to go to sleep. Right now. At 8pm. Except, know what? I can't. Every year, the week before spring break they have this...basically a "Don't drink yourself to death, be responsible over break" type awareness thing. I thought they usually just gave out T-shirts one day for a couple of hours. This year they're doing all sorts of stuff all week. Including, today, from 4pm-12am, free laundry in the dorms! Everyone's only allowed one load, and they have sign-up sheets for time slots on all the machines, but yeah. I wasn't really planning on doing laundry before break, but hey, free laundry. Can't forgo that, right? So anyway, I went this afternoon and signed myself up for a washer from 9-9:30 and a dryer at 1o. Why I didn't put myself in a slot for the wash at 9:30, I'm not quite sure. But whatever. I figure things might get a bit backlogged anyway, and hopefully more on the washer side, so maybe it'll even out pretty well. Or my wet laundry will just have to sit down there for a little while. Either way. Free laundry.

And now it's been awhile since I wrote the above, and still I've made no progress with the studying. I just...every time I try, I just can't get myself to want to do it. Maybe I'll go get some sort of exceedingly unhealthy sustenance, and then perhaps somehow that'll motivate me? Yeah, I'm not too hopeful either, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?

Don't ask for a point to this post

So...know what's sucked about college? I haven't really had an opportunity to buy Girl Scout cookies. I think maybe last year or something someone had set up a table in the middle of Lafortune and were selling them like they do outside of stores and whatnot, so I think I got some then. But I don't know if that'll happen again this year, and I missed out on ordering them from anyone (because who could I order from?), so I may just be unlucky in that regard this year. (Although are they really worth $3.50 a box? No, no they're not.)

In other news, though, and I forgot to mention this in my last post, my professor brought in Turkish Delight for us to try during class today. Well, he brought it out after class, but yeah. I had never tried it before, so it was neat.

Oh and also, people say that Boston fans are rude jerks? I had a dude who came up to me to check out tonight at work, asked if the B on my hat was for Boston or Brooklin (I think that was his other option...now I forget though), and when I said Boston, he said "HA! You know, the Patriots lost!" Me: "Yes they did." Him: "And the Giants WON!" "Yes, they did." At that point, since I had barely given a reaction to his jerkery, I think he realized that he was sounding pretty much like an ass (sorry), and then said "Sorry, but I really hate Boston teams." I said, "Clearly. Have a good night anyway." And by that point I was done ringing him up and he left. But geez. I mean, I am, but just because I'm wearing a Red Sox hat doesn't mean I'm a Patriots fan. And seriously, it's been almost a month now. I doubt this guy was even a Giants fan. Just another Patriots hater. Whatever.

Know what though? I think I'm almost officially done being sick! And hopefully I can stay healthy this time for longer than a month! (Of course, I'm sure that by typing this, I'm sentencing myself to coming down with the flu or something by the end of the week. And then I can spend spring break sick in bed. Fun.) But it's lovely not having to blow my nose every five minutes, and not having a coughing fit (at all really) at least once a half hour. I'd almost forgotten what it could be like. Ahhhhh. Well, even if I get sick again tomorrow, at least I had a few good days. Can't complain about that.

Last thing: Today I happened to notice the music in a trailer for that new movie The Other Boleyn Girl. And I noticed that it was music I had heard before, but yet again couldn't place. Thank God for the Internet and its vast canals for finding useless information. I find out it's the song "Nara" from this album. And that, for some reason, many songs from that album have been used for many trailers. And after listening through the clips of it on Amazon, I sorta want to get it. I really do like that one song especially, but the others sound promising as well. So anyway. That's all.

Why am I in a good mood today?

For the last 24 hours or so, I've had some cyst action going on (meaning a bit of pain). But luckily, keeping myself continually medicated with some Ibuprofen (I just can't get myself to try vicodin again, even if the other stuff doesn't completely get rid of the pain), it's manageable. But that itself wouldn't seem to lend itself to a good day.

Here's a few reasons why today has been so great:

I was asleep by midnight or so last night, and didn't get out of bed until 11 this morning (after hitting snooze on my alarm three times). Still tired today, but I also have to account for the fact that Sunday night didn't yield a great deal of sleep.

Also, this:

(And the snow is still falling. Off and on, but yeah.)

And this was today's reading for my CS Lewis class:My favorite book. How could I not be excited when we discuss my favorite book in one of my classes? This is the copy owned by my family, which I have completely usurped. (But if they yell at me for it once this comes to light, I got the whole series that matches this book off of ebay two years ago, so I can always replace this one with the newer copy I got. Well, they're not new, but yeah. I just am so attached to this copy that I hate the thought of parting with it.)

And, to be a bit vain, I'd be lying if I said this didn't make me feel a bit good today:Compared with this:Apparently I wore the same shirt today that I wore Saturday...Whatever. Anyway. I like my haircut a lot. It's not drastic, but I don't tend to do drastic. Probably hard to tell with that picture, but I think it looks good. So...good for me.

And that's the story of my good day. I do have to work from 7-9 tonight, as always, but oh well. Gives me something to look forward to. (There's nothing nicer than coming back to my room to relax for a little while after getting off of work. Especially when I use my meal ticket for Subway instead of a tall drink at Starbucks. I likes me some coffee, of course, but some days when I work the 7-9 shift (which is Monday and Tuesday nights) I just get grab n go for dinner and save up most of my hunger for Subway after work. Typically much better than the dining hall, and a bit healthier as well. Win-win.

Let it be known

The mixing of pretzels and chocolate yields pretty much one of the yummiest combinations ever known.

Seriously.

What's that? Did my best buy gift card just get spent?

101 Dalmatians is out on DVD. I may just have to purchase it. We all know I'm a sucker for a dog movie. And that one's pretty excellent.

It's another paper-night

(As in, I have a paper due tomorrow. Which means lots of random pointless blogging of whatever thoughts pop into my head that I have to get out in order to make progress on my paper. At least, that's what I'm telling myself.)

(And before you read any further, I should note that this was written over the course of last night -- Feb 24 -- but I forgot to hit the post button in my haste and desire to get my paper written. Or at least to get to bed as soon as possible after it was finally done...So now I'm posting it Monday afternoon. yay. But believe me, it's not that interesting, nor worth reading.)

The Oscars are on tonight. I haven't watched or really paid attention to the Oscars for a number of years (I went through a period, either started at or shortly before the Oscars of 1998 when Titanic had all those nominations, and when every girl my age was obsessed with that movie, that lasted a few years where I actually cared about the Oscars and who won. But then I realized that the movies I tend to like aren't the type to get nominated, generally, and that those that are nominated aren't the type I tend to watch. And also, the whole Hollywood thing is annoying. And seriously, do they still get those gift baskets worth thousands upon thousands of dollars, even though they're already grossly overpaid?), but for some reason I turned it on tonight. Oh yeah, my friend texted me to tell me that they were performing a song from August Rush. Of course, by the time I had turned it on and found my remote to go from channel 78 to 7, it was way past over. And now it's just been on as background noise. But I wanted to say a few things: First, the woman who won best supporting actress (Tilda Swinton, I think is her name; to me, she's the White Witch) is not very attractive. At least, I didn't like her hair, and her dress was awful. In my opinion. Second, about the woman who won best actress (I didn't care about any of them, since I hadn't seen a single of the movies in which any of the actresses performed), I am really glad she won. I didn't recognize her name, but when I saw her and heard her, I realized she's the one who plays the daughter-in-law of Daddy Warbucks in Big Fish. (My first, and for awhile only, exposure to Albert Finney was from the 1982 version of Annie, and thus when I see him, that's what I always equate him with. But he's a wonderful actor, and I do love him in Big Fish too.) That's just a great movie, and she's so sweet in it. So good for her.

For the record, my favorite Oscar category is the best movie score, I think. At least I can appreciate those. And I might even have heard one or two of them. Whereas with the major categories, I haven't seen any of those movies nominated. Plus, we all know music is better than almost anything, when it's played beautifully. I'd like to get to the point where I can hear a piece of music (often for montages and whatnot they use scores from various movies; they did that tonight while recapping the best picture winners of the past 79 Oscars), and be able to tell right away where it's from. During that movie montage they played, there was one piece I recognized, and I can't for the life of me remember where it's from, and it's bothering me. It goes like this: Haha just kidding. Kinda hard to type out what I'm humming. But ah, wonderful, I'm not the only one. Someone just posted a question about that very piece in the NDNation Backroom forum. Man, I love that place. Now I just have to hope someone sees it and answers...(Ok it's been awhile, and no one has. Sadly.)

Man, I love John Wayne. (They just recapped some of the past Best Actor winners, and he was one and whose speech they actually showed a bit of.) So great.

Ok I did a google search (it's amazing what you can put in and manage to find what you're looking for), and it was "To the Stars," the main theme from the movie Dragonheart. Which I've never seen. But apparently it's an oft-used (haha) score for trailers and such. So. Glad I found the answer.

I just went outside for a bit, I ventured to LaFortune for some coffee and a snack, and I decided two things: one, it feels really good out there right now. There's a nice nip in the air, but I felt great wearing just a long sleeve and a fleece. Perhaps that's because my room today is a bit hotter than I like it typically, though. Which leads me to number two: I spent waaaaay too much time holed up in my room this weekend. All for the purpose of this dumb paper, and I barely have anything to show for it. Pathetic. But typical. Oh well. It'll be done and turned in twelve-ish hours from now, terrible or not. I've come to the conclusion, though, that I'm having such a hard time writing this because I'm terrified as I've never been before about what kind of a grader MacIntyre is. I have him built up in my head as this amazing, brilliant philosopher whose work is read by other people in other philosophy classes, and thus anything I write is going to be judged by him like he would judge other brilliant intellectual philosophers. Which is probably crazy, since he knows that college students aren't typically going to be at that level. But still. It's hard to get a paper going when everything sounds like a fifth grader wrote it compared to what I think he expects. I guess I just have to get over it, though.

My computer just made some sort of beepy noise. But not scary-beepy, like "I'm going to shut down on you because I don't like something that's going on. Or I just feel like messing with your head." More...musically-beepy. I think maybe it was my virus scan thing, or something. Occasionally it talks to me after I turn on my computer in the morning, and it tells me that my "Virus database has been updated" or something like that. Weird, but whatever. So I'm going to pretend that that's what this beep was, something related to that, and go on with my day. Night. Sigh.

I wonder how many times I refresh my email page when I have a paper I'm attempting to write. I don't think I want to know.

This week, we're starting Chronicles of Narnia in my CS Lewis class, and we're reading them in the order I prefer so The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is first. Man I wish all my homework could be that fun. And I wish I could be reading it right now instead of working on this paper.

It's nights like this that remind me why I'm not doing grad school right away, if ever. If I don't have the motivation and dedication to sit down and get a short undergrad paper written and done before I reach a point where sleep is being sacrificed, how would I expect to have motivation to write longer grad school papers a matter of months from now? School would be so much better if I didn't have to do homework. Which is why that part of me is looking forward to getting a regular 9-5 job. It might suck, but at least when I leave work I don't have to come home to do more work for the next day. Theoretically. I suppose it would depend on what I do. But for the most part, that's how it'll happen, in my head at least.

In that mythical time somewhere in the future when I "have money to spend," I want to get myself a set of bamboo knitting needles. Right now, I have a set of metal needles that span the majority of sizes I could want as an amateur knitter, excluding like the reallllly big sizes. It's a set I got for Christmas sophomore year, which is when I had started knitting. They're these screw-on needles that screw on to one of three or four lengths of plastic wire that connect the needles (so I can knit in the round if I want, but I've never done that and don't know how). They're useful when knitting really big things, because there's lots of room for all the stitches per row. But I'm at a point where I'd like to have a set of real needles, straight needles, so I don't always have to be dealing with the annoyances that come from the set I have. (Plus, since they screw on and off, that means I'm having to tighten them after every few stitches, because sometimes they have a tendency to screw right off in the middle of whatever I'm doing. And that's just annoying). Additionally, back in October or September I bought myself a pair of bamboo straight needles, just to try them out, because I'd been curious ever since I started investigating different needles and whatnot and heard about them. I realllly like knitting with the bamboo needles I bought. Right now on Ebay, there's a seller who has tons of bamboo needle sets. Double-pointed needles (good for socks, apparently, which I'd like to try making sometime, and useful for other things as well), full sets of circular needles -- ones that each have their own connecting thing, so there's no twisting on or off involved -- of different lengths, and full sets of just straight regular needles. Different lengths there, too. There's such a vast array of needles, it's sort of amazing. Seeing as how I hope to become more proficient in my knitting, I'd like to expand my knitting stash some day. And I'm going to start with bamboo needles. (Right now on ebay, that seller has a set I'm looking at that ends in two days, and are currently only $.99. But I'm sure that's just because the end time is still so far away. I don't think these things go for more than like $10, though, so it's definitely doable. We'll have to see where it goes, but I'm tempted...)

That was a really long paragraph. About knitting needles. Man, am I cool or what? (Seriously, I could talk about knitting all day long. I am so in love with it. I wish I were better at it. And that I had more time to do it, and to make more things. Maybe someday... Although, and I find this weird, apparently there are even patterns out there to knit bras. Some people will try to knit anything. I think I'd draw the line there, because...I don't know. That just seems odd to me. Plus I'm not sure how well that'd work, for me at least.) I really want to learn how to do cabling, too. That's what makes all the neat raised patterns on sweaters and such. Anyway. Man, if only I could write a paper on knitting. I'd love that. (But let's face it. I'd probably leave that till the last possible hour too.)

Ok, so I just got bored with my paper for a bit and got on facebook even though there's really no point to that, and I was looking through the pictures of me that other people have added. And man, it's so much fun to look through those pictures, especially this year (and most are from this year), and remember all the amazingly awesome times I've had with my friends. Even if I look horrible in some pictures (I'm really lacking in the photogenic area most of the time, possibly because I don't have a "good side"), they're so much fun. And even if a lot of them are from the football games (such a painful thing to remember), we'll always have the memory of suffering together. (Like at the Michigan game. We had an awesome time after that painful experience, belting Journey with the windows rolled down while driving through Ann Arbor, and then having great music to listen to and sing with on the drive back to South Bend. Great memory.) And then going to the Backer to forget about the pain. Oh, the Backer. I've only been once this semester (I think). I really need to be in the right mindset to have fun there, I think, and I haven't been in that mindset this semester. But now after looking through the pictures of last semester, I sort of really want to make another Backer visit. Plus, we are decidedly lacking new Backer pictures from this semester. Unfortunately, though, it'll be close to three weeks before I get a chance to go again. (But not too unfortunate, because the reason for that is spring break. And there almost nothing unfortunate about spring break.) I love pictures. And digital cameras are amazing inventions, too. With my current camera and memory card, I can have way over 1000 pictures on the card before I have to start deleting. Which means no worrying about wasting film on terrible pictures. It's great. (Looking through the pictures also made me exceedingly glad I scheduled myself for a haircut tomorrow afternoon. Even though once I get there, I'm sure I'll be wishing I had scheduled myself for a nap instead...but I miss having bangs that aren't down to and past my eyes. And I miss having somewhat shorter hair.)

This morning, in between some of my wakings-up, I had a dream about working at Wilson's again. Actually, I wasn't working there, but I went back to visit. My old manager was still there (I'm pretty sure he's not in reality), and they had expanded and changed things around. It was weird. Oh that job. That job was...interesting. Not the most fun six-ish months of my life, but half of that was because I was bitter I was working there, in the Springs, instead of being back at school like I should have been. Ah well, live and learn. Here's hoping I don't end up having to go back into retail after I graduate. Maybe for the summer, if I have to, but not past that. How I envy those of my friends who already have jobs and job offers that don't require them to start until late in the summer, and will be well-paying once they start, allowing them the summer to relax and have fun and not necessitate some undesirable summer job. But you know, who knows where my path will take me.

Harry Potter rules, regardless

So, funny story. I just happened to see a commercial while watching ABC Family that next weekend is another of their Harry Potter Weekends. They do that once in awhile, sort of an All Harry Potter All the Time thing. And I got excited, because, well, I like Harry Potter. And then I remembered I'll be home, where cable does not exist. But then I thought, well, why am I sad? I have the movies, I can watch them without commercials! (Although, when ABC Family plays them, they do it with deleted scenes.) There's just something about watching a movie on TV even if you have the movie on DVD. Not quite sure what it is.

I really should stop complaining so much

Man, I slept terribly last night. Ever since I started this trying to sleep more than 8 hours thing, I've been sleeping a lot less soundly, I think, and waking up a lot more at various times throughout the night until it's actually time to wake up. Sigh. At one point, I half-woke up for a second from a dream during which I had been injured or something somehow. I forget the details, but when I did briefly wake up, I was shivering beyond belief for some reason. It was weird, I remember that much. I just readjusted my blankets and tried to warm up and promptly fell back asleep. But yeah. Stuff like that happened a lot last night. Annoying. Oh well.

Also, I am sick of my right eye. Not only does it have a tendency to water a lot more than my other eye, and in annoying situations (for example, when I'm walking to class and it's really cold outside), but it also, for most of this school year, has been really dry (the eyelid) and annoyingly puffy on the eyelid. More often than not, it seems. So, I don't know what that's about, but it makes me look really weird because I can't have that eye open as normally as the other one. And it never ever happens to the left side. I think when I'm home I'm going to look for some sort of eye cream to put on, because I guess just putting some moisturizer on every night isn't getting it done. At all.

Oh, and I'm also sick of the ever-present eczema I have on my hands. Particularly and mostly my left hand, just on the knuckles. Sure, sometimes it's not as bad as others, but those times tend to last only a few days or so until they start getting all itchy again. (But, looking on the bright side, I no longer have it on my legs, where it started, or my elbows, and it's just exclusively on my hands. And I'll take that over other places, I think. Could definitely be worse -- it could be on my face or something. That would suck.)

Anyway. Sorry for this negative post. Not sleeping well really puts me in a less than happy place, it seems. Sleep is so much the bane of my existence sometimes, in my pursuit to try to get enough. I should probably just give up, and just accept that I'm going to be fighting the monster of exhaustion every day for the rest of my life. Could be worse, I guess.

Man, how sappy can I get?

Sometimes I think I don't really need my family that much. That they're nice to see, nice to spend time with, but maybe it's time to break away, so to speak. But then I am reminded of inside jokes and such I have with my family, random quotes from movies that might not mean much to anyone else, but which we all understand and more importantly understand why they're funny. And those times, I almost ache to have one of those nice moments with my family, when we're all sitting around the table laughing about who knows what, all getting along, just having a great old time. It doesn't necessarily happen terribly often, especially not now, but it's great when it does. And I'm hoping that we'll have a few fun nights like that when I'm home next week, and hopefully Tom will be able to come down for a night or two.

I love my family. And I am really grateful that I don't have a family I feel I need to escape, from which I can't wait to get away and go somewhere else. That seems to be a rarity, at least among a number of my friends, and I'm just so glad I'm not in that position. I mean, it might be tough sometimes that I wish we could be together more, but I'd much prefer that than a family I can't stand. (Even if they do get on my nerves from time to time. Who doesn't, though? That's just life.)

Emotipost

I've been so weird and weepy lately. (Despite my making fun of those girls last night on Say Yes to the Dress. But I promise, I haven't been weepy over a dress.)

Today, I was talking to my mom online (actually it was about five minutes ago that this happened). She mentioned casually that the reason I'm going home for spring break is because we're putting Kebbie to sleep sometime that week. (She was telling me something she had talked about with someone else, and she had mentioned it to this person.) And there hasn't been a day, probably, where I didn't remember and think about that fact. But having her say it, for some reason within seconds of reading it I teared up. It sucks. I mean, sometimes thinking about it when I'm here it almost seems like it won't be hard. It's not like I'm with her that often anymore, being at school and whatnot. And when I'm here, it's almost like it's the same whether she's alive or not because she's not physically with me either way. But I think that I think that way because she is still physically somewhere, and I can still see her. I can't imagine not being able to see her ever again. And I don't know if you're all aware, but there are lots of fat squirrels around campus. And back in her more spry days (and occasionally since then), Kebbie loved chasing squirrels more than anything. I have a feeling that when I come back after spring break, now having joined the group of people who are Dog-less (actually, I almost for a second thought we still had a cat, but in fact I will become one of the Animal-less, and that sucks beyond words), the sight of those squirrels is going to hurt for awhile. And I'm not looking forward to that.

Anyway. Sorry. I was going to get on here and write a quick post about how amazed I am that it's not even 1pm yet and I've already been up for two hours and I've managed to make myself work out, and it's just amazing to me that I'm not just waking up in time to take a shower and get ready before work. But I should get on that, because while I did work out, I haven't quite gotten to the shower part yet...so...yeah. Guess I should go to it.

Oh, how I wish it were a week from this moment. Maybe a week and an hour.

It's 12:40am. I got 8 hours of sleep last night. I'm barely functioning-awake right now.

And walking back from the parking lot a little while ago, I swear I smelled and almost tasted snow. Alas, it is quite clear out there, and no snow on the menu for at least a few days (and even then, who knows). I can't remember the last time I ate a nice mouthful of snow. How depressing.

I have a paper due Monday for a teacher who most certainly will not be one to accept (or at least, grade nicely) a paper that's full of BS. AKA, the only way I know how to write papers. So...hopefully I can get up early enough and start functioning so that I don't just wake up, take a shower, and then have to go to work shortly thereafter (my shift starts at 2). That's how my Saturdays have been going more often than not this semester. So then I get back to my room sometime after four, and then before I know it it's time for dinner or something. Hopefully tomorrow I can do better, because...I have absolutely no freaking clue what on earth my argument even is for this paper. Or, what I'm going to say to answer the question. (At least there's a question to answer, that's a plus for me.)

So, I think I'll be heading off to bed now. It is so late, after all, being almost 1am and all.

(Oh. And, I hope that if I ever go wedding dress shopping (assuming it's for real and not just to mess around or something, which could be kinda fun), I don't start crying in one of them when I find like "the one" or whatever. Man. I know it's sort of a big deal, I guess, and I know I'm pretty cynical sometimes, but yeah. Some of the women on "Say Yes to the Dress" are weird and crazy-like and whatnot. Yeah. Man.)

SAD?

I've been wondering lately, I'll admit, whether or not I might be affected by SAD (seasonal affective disorder). It's pretty much the topic of conversation around here right now, as it tends to be around this time every year in permacloud-land. Here's the thing, though. This week has been sunny every day. Perhaps not all day every day, but there has been sun every. single. day. For a greater percentage of time than it's been cloudy. And every day, when I wake up and look out the window to see the sun shining all brightly, it certainly doesn't evoke any endorphine-like feelings in me. I miss my cloudy days. So, while this is in no way scientific, I am led to believe that I don't really have SAD at all. Because...boo sun. And boo today. I need another good snowfall, or something like that. I certainly won't be getting that at home (last I checked, the 10 day forecast included the first two days I'll be home, although I guess next Friday barely counts because I won't get home until late late that night, and those two days were both sunny and 50. Of course. Typical Colorado Springs winter, when it's not one of those random days of snow).

Ah, well.

I've also deduced that I do indeed need 9+ hours of sleep a night in order for me not to be tired all day. So...good thing I have a schedule this semester that allows me to sleep until 10:30 or a little later except Fridays and Sundays (if I go to 10am Mass). This week, from Sunday night to last night, I got 8 hours, 8 hours, 10 hours, 9ish hours, and 8 hours. I can't remember the last time I got so much sleep in one week. Even over Christmas break, I always felt like a bum if I slept later than like 11 or something, but I always stayed up really late, so I never really got more than 8 hours (yes, I suck).

Anyway.

Oh, life

I'm trying not to let all my negativity of late bleed through onto my blog, which is hard because...there's not a whole lot else going on. I guess I never did tell all my faithful readers that we won at trivia last Thursday night (the trivia they have at Legends, that we only heard about -- at least, I only heard about -- like four weeks ago, and which I've only attended twice now). Well, we got third, but second and third place groups get Legends trivia T-shirts, and first place gets...something. I think last week it was like Legends gift cards or something. Anyway. It was exciting though. So that was good.

But there's been a lot of not good. Not a lot of bad, necessarily, but sometimes when there's so much not good happening, it's hard to see things as being anything but bad by default. I know it's something I have to work on in myself, but it'd be nice if God would throw me a bone once in awhile, or something. I don't even know.

And added to that, there's been the constantly sick/tired thing. This week, I've gotten 8 hours of sleep two nights, and last night was 10. And still I've been more tired than seems to be normal. So I don't know what that's about, really. I'm going to try what I did last night, tonight. I turned off my computer at 10, watched The Office and read until 11, and then by 11:30 I had my lights out and my humidifier plugged in, fans on, all that. I don't think I really fell asleep for good until midnight, but I didn't get up until 10am, so it was fine. I wasn't tired when I woke up like I've been after 8 hours, but I have been sorta tired throughout the day still. Maybe it's just still remnants of being sick (which, good news, I think I'm finally getting healthy. The cough is almost gone, almost, and now it's mostly this incredibly annoying runny nose I have. And that's quite annoying in its own right. Good things it's not still that and the cough. Today, I think my frequent nose-blowings caused me to mess up my sinuses or something, if that's possible, and give me a headache. So I'm hoping that goes away with another 10 hours of sleep). I don't know. I'm at a point where I don't really want to be online much, so I can easily stop surfing the Internet for hours upon wasted hours, which enables me either to do some of the ever-present reading I have this semester, or just go to bed. Tonight, I'm going to watch the lunar eclipse for a little while, even though it's butt-chillingly cold outside (actually, right now it's 14. Not terrible, I guess). And then go to bed. Hopefully, again, by 11:30 or 12. I think I could get used to that, actually.

Ok, update from post-moon viewing. Or at least attempt. Despite this being South Bend in February, most of this week has been sunny. Much to my dismay. Annoying. But the really annoying thing? Tonight, when I went out to look at the eclipse, it was cloudy! Well, mostly cloudy. Not totally, so I got glimpses between breaks in the cloud and whatnot. But still. Overall disappointing. The moon was a lot more impressive earlier tonight, walking back from dinner, when it was spectacularly bright and full, and much bigger than when I went out to look at the eclipse. Ah, well. At least I saw some of it.

And now it's 11:30, so the getting to bed as early as last night thing obviously isn't going to happen. But that's ok. Midnight or 12:30 isn't out of the realm of possibility.

But for that to happen I have to get offline, post-haste.

I figured out my problem

Ok, possibly just one of my many many problems. But I don't get hugged often enough. Some people don't need hugs, and hey, great for you. But Susie? Susie needs her some hugs. It's amazing the jolt of energy, of complete serenity and relaxation I get by just a simple hug. Not even from someone I'm necessarily terribly close to. And not those crappy half-hugs either. Those don't count. I'm talking about the real, get close and squeeze kind of hug. I need those. I need them. No one hugs like my mom, but obviously she's not with me 8 months out of the year (until May). (By the way, it's weird to think that for four years of my life, I was away from my family and my house and my state for around 2/3rds of the time. I haven't really experienced a Colorado winter in four years, and I don't remember what they're like -- are they consistently cold? Do you need to wear winter coats a majority of the time like you do here? Because in my head, it's not like that back home. In my head, it's always sunny, snows occasionally, and once in awhile gets below 30 degrees. Which, in my head, is sucky as far as winters go.)

Back to the hugging. I miss getting hugged. I probably get on average one a week. And that's probably a high estimate. I don't know if it's just that my friends aren't huggers, or if...we just never hug each other for whatever reason, or what. But it makes me sad when I try to remember the last time I got a hug, and can't, because it's been so long. I'm not what I would consider a touchy-feely person most of the time. But for some reason it's different with hugs. Sometimes. I guess it does depend on the person. And sometimes, for whatever reason, it's just not as satisfying to hug someone who's teeny-tiny, as some of my friends are. (Perhaps I'm afraid I'll break them with my Amazon-ness. Or they're just too little to get the job done. Who knows.) But man. Hugs need to make a comeback. This isn't to say I'd want to be hugged by a random stranger. That wouldn't be cool. Clearly.

I just thought I'd share. I did my Extended Essay on the importance of touch, etc, on human development, so it's sort of close to my heart (so to speak -- but not that cheesily, really), and in my research I came across doctors and psychologists who believe that for optimal health we should be getting something like 11 hugs a day. Obviously that's easy to refute, but it's hard to deny that touch does have a positive effect on many people (especially babies), and that perhaps the world might be a little happier if we all got hugged a little more frequently. I know I would be. And maybe I'd be a little less tired for no good reason. (Seriously, after a full 8 hours last night, I was ridiculously exhausted for most of the day from around 3pm onward. It doesn't make any sense. 8 hours should be sufficient so that I don't feel overcome with drowsiness to the point where I can barely keep my eyes open, shouldn't it? I sure hope I don't need 9 hours of sleep to feel functional, because that's certainly not very realistic, and if that's the case then I just have to get used to a lifetime of being tired. Because I have a feeling that getting enough sleep is something that's only going to be harder to come by after college. And have I mentioned? "After college" happens in three months. Three months from tomorrow actually, technically, since three months from today is actual graduation HOW is it possible that I'm three months from being done on this college journey thing? How did that happen? More importantly, when did it happen?)

Imagine there's no people...

I stayed up later than planned last night (surprise, surprise). It was only until 2, which meant I did still get around 8 hours of sleep (and now here it is, 3:30 or so, and I feel a desperate need to nap). I was in bed ready to go at around 1:15, but -- my fatal mistake -- the TV was still on. And I had randomly flipped to the history channel, which I don't often watch but which can sometimes have some fascinating shows. Including last night. I just flipped to it for a second, having seen the title earlier (that being "Life After People"), expecting something about like, I don't know, robots or something. (I've been hanging out with robot-obsessed people too much lately, methinks. And going to too many robot-themed parties. Too many being one. But it's ok, it was fun.) Turns out it was about the decay of society after humans disappear. Like I said, I missed the very beginning so I'm not exactly sure what happened to humans to make us all disappear. But it must have been something cataclysmic and sudden, I'm guessing. Either way. When I realized that it was about deterioration of buildings and whatnot, I didn't think I'd be interested, so I was going to turn it off. And then somehow, inexplicably, I got dragged in to the point where I was just sitting there, staring at the TV, enthralled like I rarely am by anything on TV.

Seriously, it was amazing. I don't really know why I was so fascinated, but man I was. It went through different periods. When I turned to it, they were up to 50 years after humans. Buildings had started crumbling, etc, and it just went through all these different phases -- 100 years, 150 years, 500 years, 10,000 years. How, without human intervention, steel structures, bridges, concrete, etc will eventually decompose and break down and crumble and turn to dust. The Eiffel Tower will fall, as will the Space Needle. Dams will break. Cats will, 100 years after humans, rule the ecosystem of high-rise buildings which are now decayed to a point where they're mostly just skeletons, supporting a jungle of vegetation, smaller animals, birds, etc. By 10,000 years out, there will be little to no proof that humans were ever here. (Except, apparently, the long-/forever-lasting plastics and Styrofoam.) There's some speculation that a few structures -- the Great Wall of China, the Pyramids at Giza, and quite probably Mount Rushmore -- will remain, somewhat less than they are now, but still there (although the Pyramids will be covered by sand and whatnot, apparently). It was just really interesting. I mean, I guess a lot of it is speculation, but probably fairly educated guesses based on what we know about decomposition of various materials and whatnot.

People are so worried about leaving their "mark" and whatnot, but the fact is, eventually it'll all be gone anyway. Especially the more recent stuff. The ancient Egyptians left marks of their civilization on rock and stone, things that stick around for awhile. Ours are through technology, which doesn't. Our methods of building, designing, constructing aren't as hearty and long-lasting as a lot of what they used to use. We go more for the faster, sooner method. In one way, watching the decomposition and crumbling of everything that defines our society seems sad. But on the other hand, firstly, who's there to find it sad? The animals? The plants? It'll just be another random occurrence for them. It's almost beautiful, how the world can reclaim itself back from us and make it almost so we were never here. (Not to say that I think we should just make ourselves all disappear for the good of the earth or anything, obviously. But if/when it eventually happens, hey, good for Earth, right?)

Anyway. I thought it was really interesting. Obviously. I mean, it had like computer-made renditions of all the decay and stuff. Otherwise it probably wouldn't have been nearly as interesting, not being able to "see" it happen.

Ok. I'm done now. I just wanted to share.

What's in my head today?

Dear South Bend weather:

It's still February. You're not fooling anyone by this 50 degrees nonsense. Can't you just hold off the warm weather (and the rain and whatnot) until it'll be here to stay? Instead of, you know, fooling us all (except not really fooling anyone), and worse, causing the extreme puddle-age that's going on again here? All this rain just melted all the snow, making the puddling even worse, and this campus sucks at handling water. And we all know it's just going to freeze again this week, and those puddles are going to become lakes of ice again. So what's the point, huh? Just leave us alone, leave our snow and ice, and come back in a month or two when you might stick around for longer than a day.


Anyway, moving on. I got my first real grade back, pretty much for anything this semester. The paper that was due Thursday. Good news: it's a good thing that I've given up on caring about grades much this semester. (Or, a long time ago, but especially this semester.) I mean, I didn't do terribly, but...eh. Whatever. Average I guess. I honestly have to say I was a little bit surprised, but...I'm ok with it, I think. After all, clearly I'm not in school for the grades. As the saying goes, "A s get praise but Bs get degrees." Or is it Ds? You know what? They both do. And sure, perhaps a higher GPA leads to easier and better job opportunities. But...I don't know. It's not like I'm going to be competing for these highly sought-after jobs for which I might be edged out by someone exactly the same as me with a higher GPA. I guess it's possible. But whatever. You know what? I'm going to have above a 3.5 pretty much no matter what I do. I think. I mean, it's like 3.5something, but still above 3.5. Oh, yeah, I have about a 3.55. Last semester I got a 3.4ish, and I don't anticipate doing wildly worse than that this semester...and the 3.4 brought me down about .04, so I think as long as I maintain a bit above a B+ average this semester I should keep the 3.5. I think. Hopefully I can manage that, but we'll see. You never know. But still...that's good enough for me.

I've been so ridiculously tired this week. I don't really know why, nor do I have a good reason. I mean, sure, a few nights I didn't get a full 8 or 7 hours of sleep or anything, but...I've just been so very tired. Really annoying. And it's pathetic, considering that my regular schedule doesn't ever require me to be up any earlier than like 10:30am (except Sundays when I go to the 10am Mass, which I like to do, and that requires me to get up around 8:40 or :50 -- when I take a shower, I generally give myself an hour from leaving my room to get in the shower to when I'm ready and out the door. That does usually include a few minutes of Internet-surfing after the shower, since I sort of like to dry off and whatnot, cool down, etc. If I really am ambitious, I could do things like brushing my teeth, putting on makeup, etc during that "dry off" period. But usually I'm not. I mean, that's usually the only time I have to check my email before leaving to go to wherever it is I'm going, so it's no big deal). So, theoretically, if I could get myself into bed by midnight every night -- not terribly unrealistic, if I weren't such a freaking procrastinator, I could get 10 hours of sleep every night. Maybe then I wouldn't ever be tired. How amazing that would be. Not to mention weird...perhaps one of these weeks I'll give that a try. Maybe.

Hm the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I'll actually manage to graduate with a 3.5...I mean, I'm only taking three classes for actual GPA credit, and one I'm not planning on doing spectacularly in because it's the class I have with the big philosopher guy on campus (who actually has his own fairly extensive wikipedia page), and from everything I've heard, he's not exactly what you would call an easy grader. He certainly isn't part of the grade inflation that's apparently rampant everywhere. Oh well. Whatever happens, at least I'll still be able to have clean laundry. There's something just wonderful about freshly laundered clothes. They feel good, they smell wonderful, and they just all-around rock. (I did laundry this morning. Went to Mass, grabbed a quick bite at the dining hall, and decided when I got back to my room that I might as well do laundry then. I was going to do it tonight, but I figured there wouldn't be a lot of people doing their laundry yet at that point -- at least I hoped there wouldn't be. And there weren't. So it went well. Sometimes it can be interesting to see how many washers or driers you're going to get.) So yeah. Anyway.

You know what I've realized? Both lately and probably long ago too. So often I find myself with my computer open, just sitting trying to think of some website to visit, just to stay online. I don't even want to be online, but I don't want to be unavailable. A lot of people I know only get online occasionally, and I don't even necessarily communicate much with those people through AIM or whatnot, but I feel the need, since they're on so infrequently, to be on as much as possible just in case they might want to talk to me. I guess sometimes I feel so...unimportant? I don't know. Like, I have to make sure to be available as much as possible for those times when other people are also available. It's stupid. But I guess I just would feel so cut off from everyone if I didn't, even though I don't even necessarily feel that much more connected. I suppose I figure no one's going to take the time to call me or anything, so I should be ready and waiting for when they have free time. It's stupid. And it's definitely something I should probably change. I can't help it though. I just feel like I'm so easy to forget about, like if I'm not there people won't bother to find me. I know, I'm pathetic.

Well, since there's no more point to me being online (or even awake, really), I'm going to sign off completely. Good night.

Freaky-deaky

The other night, I pulled a VitaminWater out of my fridge. Now, my fridge is set on super-duper cold, so that often some of the water bottles I keep in there turn to ice. I should probably turn it down, but they're never all frozen, and I like my water reallllly cold, so it works fine for me. Anyway. The vitamin waters I have in there never turn to ice, as far as I can tell, which is sort of weird. So when I pulled one out the other night, it wasn't frozen. When I opened it, though, weird things started happening. The minute the air hit it, it looked like some sort of bacteria or something was spreading through the bottle, like a blossoming of something weird, or like there was an explosion of something going on in there. It really freaked me out, so I shut the lid and got it away from me. And I kept watching it as the explosion spread. After a little while, I picked it up to examine it more closely, and I decided that it looked like it had turned sort of slushy inside, part of it. It took awhile for me to accept that it was just a bit frozen, and not some sort of horrible illness-causing bacteria. The fact that the bottle felt almost colder after a little while than when I had pulled it out of my fridge was one indication. Eventually the ice re-melted, and it was all back to normal. But it was weird. I don't even understand how that happened. It started freezing after I took it out of the fridge and opened it. Very bizarre.

Time travel

Ok, so this afternoon while waiting for my guitar class, I had the TV on ABC Family. Family Matters was on, and it was that episode where Carl convinces Laura to go bowling with Steve. And then he has that dream where it's fifteen years later, and Steve and Laura are married with four kids (all nerds, who all play accordion), and they had fallen in love that night bowling. Anyway. In the dream sequence, Harriet wakes him up and he says "How long was I asleep?" She said fifteen years, and that it's 2009. And that's just so weird because next year is 2009, and I remember that episode of Family Matters probably from when it was new. And that was almost fifteen years ago.

ok, maybe it's not that weird, but it's sort of weird to me.

This is what happens when I write papers.

I really really really want some Red Vines.

Also, apparently I missed Conan breaking his own record of ring spinning-time. I saw a replay on tonight's episode, but man, so not the same. How sad.

I think I'll survive though.

6-7 pages is too excessive to write on a regular weekly reading. Sigh. But who am I if not a good BSer? (And also, sometimes it amazes me how quickly I can get out a page when I really sit down and put my mind to it. Or...maybe take my mind out of it, and just sort of write...I must say, it's a good thing I'm just taking this class for fun, because the subject interests me, and not because I care all that much about the grade...)

I had so much fun yesterday writing a few notecards to a few people that I decided to do it again tonight. Did you know that it's relatively easy and quick? The worst part is: Deciding which card/stationary to use, and also realizing that you have to pay 41 cents! (i wish there were a cent sign on the Internet) per piece of mail! Sigh. No, that's not a lot, but remember, I'm stingy. Except when I impulse buy and then feel guilty. I think I'm done doing that for awhile though. There was a little while there within the past couple of weeks where I had less than $100 in my account here, which is my main account and the account to which my direct deposit goes. As well as from which my debit card subtracts...It had gotten that low because I wasn't having deposits into there during break, obviously, and I had things like Christmas gifts to buy. Although, I didn't really buy much of that this year, did I? Hm. Anyway. I've been using my debit card more this school year because I've had a balance on my regularly used Visa card since like September or something, which I haven't been able to pay off fully yet thanks to my lack of employment over the summer (and having to buy things like school books and toiletries and fun things like that, which generally do get purchased on the non-debit card). So I avoid using it when I can now. (Plus my parents can't see when I make impulse purchases on the debit card, whereas my dad has full access to activity on the Visa. Which is fine with me, obviously.) So...what was my point with all this? Oh yeah. I'm now back above the $100 mark, and it'll only go up from there because I see no reason to be using that card for anything other than small purchases for the next while. And if I feel a need to buy something frivolous, like a movie or something, I still have a $20 gift card to Best Buy that I got for Christmas and have yet to use. So that's cool. My problem with those, though, is I always want to wait and make sure I spend it on just the right thing, instead of something stupid that maybe I don't want as much as I originally think I want it. So then I end up not spending it for awhile. Which I guess is better than wasting it right away. But I do think that a Best Buy visit is due when I'm home. Except, it's always more fun to do stuff like that with someone else. I don't really know why, as who wants to be privy to my confusing lack of decision-making skills at their finest? oh well.

Oh. I just realized that the previous paragraph started out with me talking about letters...hm. So. Back to that. Yes, I'm enjoying reinstating the snail mail thing. When today I checked my mail box (I always know it's a waste), only to find a Victoria's Secret catalogue in there, realizing that it was the only mail I've gotten since sometime last week, I decided that if I want people to write me, I should write people, right? So I think I'm going to try to start doing that more often. I never have anything of interest to talk about in letters, but...whatever. It's nice to know someone was thinking about me, whatever their note says, I guess, so hopefully it doesn't matter that I suck at finding things to write about.

Now if only I could write this paper...I bet if I put this post into Word, double-spaced it, and reformatted it, it'd be almost as long as my paper is supposed to be. Why is it so easy to write about nothing in here, yet when I actually have to write something, it's impossible?

My history professor has decided that it's a good idea to split us up into two groups (all 17 of us) once a week or something (at least, we did it last Thursday and we're doing it again tomorrow), so that half the class shows up at the regular time, has discussion for 25 minutes, the other half shows up, everyone's there for another 25 minutes for his lecture, then the first half leaves and the other half stays the last 25 minutes for discussion. Ok, whatever, that's fine and all. Here's the thing. I have class right after that one, in the very same room, so you'd think that I would want to be in the second group, right? Really, I much prefer showing up at the regular time (I eat lunch right before and walk to Debartolo with Caitlin who also has class at 2 anyway) and getting out early, because then I can go and have a bit of a break, maybe get some coffee, instead of having to sit in that practically windowless room for two and a half hours straight. So last week, someone asked if we could email him our preferences for what group we'd be in, and he said that'd be fine, obviously as long as the two groups were about equal. I forgot to do this after class, and the next day we get an email saying that those whose last name start with letters A through whatever, you're the first group, everyone else is in the second. Obviously I was in the second. So I asked if I could come at 2 because it just works better for me, and he said that'd be fine, one or two people switching wouldn't throw things off too much. Today he emails us and tells us that we're doing the split thing again tomorrow, but that he's going to want to keep these groups varied or something, so tomorrow it's by first name, A-whatever go first, everyone else second. Obviously again, I'm in the second group. And I'm slightly annoyed by this, because I don't want to email and ask him again, but I really don't want to do the second group. What I really don't like is this switching it up thing. I'm a routine-oriented girl. I don't like having things be all over the place and varied. And I don't like the fact that I won't know until he emails us the newest criteria what time I'll be expected in class. I don't know, I might eventually just ask him if I can always be in the first group. I know, it really doesn't matter all that much (or at all), but whatever.

Did anyone who reads this hear about a new phenomenon in...Amsterdam? Dutch-land. Anyway. They renamed Lent "Christian Ramadan" (I'm assuming unofficially) because they decided that young people are more familiar with the idea of Ramadan (and other Islam things, I guess) than Lent. How wacky is that? I mean, I'm not saying that it's not true that young people are more familiar with tenets of Islam than Christianity, etc, but still. It's weird. I don't like it. Doesn't bode well for the future and whatnot. (But from what I can tell, places like Holland, Finland, Sweden, those areas don't seem to be too excited about Christian, especially Catholic, things. Isn't one of those like one of the most radically progressive countries around right now? Like, to a terrible extreme?) Anyway.

I was really disappointed when I found out that Audrey Hepburn did not do her own singing in My Fair Lady. I'm not like a huge fan of that movie or anything, but it's so well known, and obviously there's good singing in it, so to find out that it was some completely different person doing that, who of course got credit (but did she really?), is just sort of...disappointing. Makes it all so artificial. I don't like that. I don't like people pretending to be things that they aren't. Actors pretending they can sing, singers pretending they can act, all that. And other examples too, obviously, but I'm too tired to think of things.

So I have two pages to go, before I hit six full pages (which is what I'm aiming to get right now). And I'm at a standstill. What else can I say? Hm...guess I should go figure that out. The good news? I should still manage almost a decent amount of sleep. Decent for me, anyway, on a night before a paper is due. Especially decent given my track record this year...

Yay done! And perhaps somewhat earlier than expected, too. It won't be as much sleep as I'd like, but at least I'm going to get a fairly good number of hours tonight. Good stuff.

I should just become an 80 year old with a rocker

About a week or so ago, I signed up to be put on a wait list for an invitation to a new website, ravelry.com. It's a fairly long list, and they only send out like 800 or 1000 or something invites a day. Maybe less. I forget. Anyway, I finally got sent an invitation yesterday. It got put in my junk box, which I didn't look at until today. I was excited to see that. Oh, it's a knitting and crocheting community type website. Now, I don't have a lot of time to devote to it at the moment, but it's got patterns, pictures, a place to put a list of what you're working on and what you want to do at some point, etc. It's got forums too, which is the most exciting part. Finally, a place for me to ask questions about things and maybe get answers! And get ideas and such from other people! It's exciting. But at the same time, I do still want to take a knitting class, because I learn a lot better when I can see it done instead of just read it. But still. This is pretty cool too. I wish I were good enough to be able to live off of knitting. But alas. Not so lucky. I'm sooo excited to go to this knitting store I found out about when I'm home for Spring Break though. Although I'm sure I'll be tempted to buy all sorts of wonderful skeins of yarn, and I have no money for that. But I don't actually like to buy yarn unless I have something specific in mind for it. I would like, however, to make a full-sized regular person afghan one of these days. Not just a little person one (like the two I've made for my nephews). Anyway though. First I think I have to make a couple more calorimetries, finish up those mittens for Bethany (I guess I should try to go to the store or something to get a yarn needle. I mean, it's not going to show up magically), and...oh yeah, the shawl(s) I've been trying to finish since October or something. I guess I decided that the one I have on the needles currently wasn't good enough, so I got discouraged and did the calorimetry because I really wanted to do that. But I need to get back to that because I promised it to Mom way back in like November or something...and I wanted to have mine done so I could wear it at Easter...hm. Anyway.

Also, I know I'm a prude, but I hate those stupid "KY Intrigue" commercials, showing the couple going at it for like hours on end or whatever. Seriously. What the heck? I much prefer my commercials to be sex-free, thank you. Not that I should be surprised or anything. Is there an area of media, or life, that hasn't become part of the sex-saturated culture in which we live?

All righty. Paper due tomorrow, I don't want to write it, but I need to. Unfortunately. Oh well.

Music, and other things

Have I mentioned lately just how in love I am with movie soundtracks? Probably not, as I haven't really listened to music in quite awhile it seems. But tonight I suddenly felt like listening to one of my all-time favorite songs from a movie soundtrack (by that, really, I mean movie scores). It's hard to pick an all-time favorite, but this is definitely up there. It's from Legends of the Fall, the second track, called The Ludlows. And I just love love love it. So then I decided that my multitude of movie scores would be good reading music. Mmm I love listening to them. They're good by themselves, and made even better by thinking about the movies. Although, in some cases (like Legends of the Fall), I definitely like the music better than the movie. I only saw that movie once, and wasn't terribly moved by it, but I guess I just loved the music so much I had to have the soundtrack. I've had it for quite awhile, too, so it must have been up there in my first few CD purchases. Actually, probably a lot of my first CDs were movie soundtracks. Off the top of my head I know that Braveheart and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (don't laugh) were the first two I ever bought. Way back in 8th grade. Or 7th. I always forget. I think it was 8th though. Anyway.

I love soundtracks. There's a ton I want to buy, too. I haven't bought one in awhile. I want to get the soundtrack to the first Harry Potter, I wouldn't mind having the soundtracks to the first two Lord of the Rings movies (I have the third), I remember loving the music in Miss Potter, I've wanted to have the Glory soundtrack since we watched that movie in 8th grade, and there are oh so many more out there that are just wonderful. I mean, I love it when the Emma soundtrack comes on, because it's so fun, and the movie was fun. Little Women makes me think of home and my mom and is just very comforting. Braveheart is just unarguably beautiful. Chronicles of Narnia is also lovely. Schindler's List is heartbreaking. And then there's The Passion's soundtrack. Not exactly easy listening there, but it makes me think about things. I didn't watch that movie last Lent like I like to, so I'm looking forward to doing it again this year (well, not exactly looking forward, but...something like that). Etc. I could go on and on. OH! And Rudy. We all know, I think, how I feel about Rudy. Even though that soundtrack, quite sadly, doesn't have any of the ND songs on it that are in the movie (I really really wish it did, because I don't have any Glee Club songs, and I'd like to. There's nothing more awesome than the Glee Club version of the Fight Song), it's still awesome, and still will always evoke Notre Dame when I hear it. The point is, movie scores rock. (I do often enjoy movie soundtracks, the ones with actual songs, but I'm more discriminating with those because my musical tastes are somewhat...I don't even know. Sometimes movies just have too much variance, and I end up disliking a large number of the songs on the soundtrack. Then it's not really worth it for me to get the CD. Some movies, like Love Actually, have songs that I mostly love. There are a couple, for example Return to Me and What Women Want, that I'd like to get because those to are rather Rat Pack-heavy. I love that genre. Although, annoyingly, many of the songs that I love in Return to Me are inexplicably not on the soundtrack. So that's stupid. But now I'm rambling.)

So. There you go.

Oh, and for one who loves movie scores so much, I have decided that my collection of that great composer of scores, who has had such a large role in making them as amazing and important as they are, John Williams, is terribly lacking. And I apologize for that terribly-phrased sentence. I need more John Williams in my life. I think I need a John Williams Best Of or something. Or an Indiana Jones soundtrack, a Star Wars soundtrack, an ET soundtrack, and something with all that lovely Olympics music on it. You know he wrote that stuff, right? John Williams is amazing. So. When I get rich, as I inevitably will because I'll land a great high-paying job right out of college (right?), I'm going to beef up my movie score collection. That's for sure and for certain.


Also: Would it be weird for me to wear my Red Sox earrings randomly two months before baseball season really starts? Because I really want to wear them, and I haven't yet (I got them for Christmas! Yay!), but...it's the dead season of sports for me. Two more months before even baseball. Sigh. (Although, man, speaking of sports, did you guys see what happened to that hockey player yesterday? One of his teammates, on some Florida team I think, got upended and as his top half landed, his legs flew up and the blade from one of his skates went up and hit the dude in the neck. Almost, but not quite, severed his carotid artery. Meaning lots of blood loss. Scary. And weird to think, how quickly it all could have been over for that guy. I mean, sure you expect injuries in sports, but who expects to be sliced through the artery in his neck while playing a hockey game? Life's precious, and that guy's certainly lucky.)

Ok, for some reason tonight I'm feeling oddly optimistic and upbeat. Even though I was in a terrible mood earlier tonight while at work. Not sure what caused the change. Perhaps it's all this listening to and talking about my favorite musics. Yes, musics. Much better than watching random crap I don't even really care about on TV. I won't argue with whatever improved my mood, though. I've even been semi-productive tonight (although not as much as I would have liked, but when does that ever happen?): caught up on some correspondence, sort of have something of a working idea what I'm going to do for the essay due Thursday, I talked to my friend Cathy on the phone (the phone!) for awhile, and it's almost Wednesday which means the week is almost half over. Not that I have a lot of fun stuff going on this weekend (although my TC girls are throwing a party on Saturday that they're all quite excited about, because it's robot-themed -- sort of an inside joke of late for us -- so that's something. And then the fourth floor girls were discussing getting some fun snacks and whatnot from the Huddle and going to watch the SUB movie one of the nights, Enchanted, because some of them have never seen it and it's a quality film). But you know. Yeah. Anyway. Amazing how in some lights, my week can seem just not very good, but in others, it seems downright lovely.

I'm going to bed on the lovely note.

Work rant. Haven't had one of those in awhile.

Ok, so we have bags at work, right? Because people at this school suck at taking them off the rolls (plus, admittedly, they are somewhat difficult if you haven't worked there and don't know the secret to getting them off quickly and easily, as well as how to open them (there are actually instructions at the top of the bag explaining how to get them open), so it can be a pain for everyone), I always like to have a nice pile of them at my register off to the side, off the roll and already opened for easy and convenient use. Now what I don't get is this: why, when there's a pile sitting there, people will reach over the pile to grab for the roll and then spend an extra two minutes or so getting it off the roll, opening it, and bagging their stuff. I also don't get it when people ask if it's ok to take a bag from the pile of already opened ones. (I'm always tempted to say, jokingly, that it's five cents a bag or something. But there are too many people who don't get sarcasm, or wouldn't be surprised at the Huddle charging for a bag.) (Nor do I understand why, when I'm sitting there obviously doing nothing, people will ask if I'm open. No, I just enjoy sitting here and taking in the sights and sounds of the Huddle. I have nothing better to do with my day.)

But the other thing about this bag situation. People are weird with what they choose to use bags for. Case in point. Tonight, this girl came in and bought three eggs. We have egg cartons that we sell, eight eggs per carton, but you can also buy them individually. So she bought three singular eggs. And then proceeded to put each one in its own separate bag. And then used a fourth bag to carry them all. Ok, I understand wanting to have some protection for the eggs, but seriously, if you put all three in one bag, wrap it up, and then just carry it, I think they'll be ok. I just don't get it when someone buys like, I don't know, a regular sized bottle of water and then say they need a bag. Or a box of granola bars. Not terribly large, not hard to transport. I just think it's wasteful to use bags like that. Obviously ND isn't the biggest "green" school out there. Clearly. But using bags when it's really not necessary doesn't help either.

Ok, I'm sorry. Rant is over. It's just been bugging me for so long now, and I just felt like sharing tonight.

Oh, I was also in a particularly bad mood at work tonight, the first hour or so at least especially, because they (the people who handle the payroll/clock in thing) told me to get a new ID card since it still hasn't been working to clock in at work. So I got a new card this morning, but it still didn't work tonight when I went to clock in! They better not have made me get a new card for nothing, because my old card was one of the old school ones. After sophomore year they changed the format and stuff of the cards. So now I have one of the new ones. Boo.

(Oh and also? When I went to lunch today, it wasn't snowing, but it was cloudy. When I got out of the dining hall an hour or so later, it was snowing quite nicely. And it continued, from whenever after 12:30 it started, until sometime around 7pm or so. Very very lovely. Today was so much nicer than sunny yesterday. And I'm completely serious. I'm in love with the snow. And there's nothing you can do about it.)

Even if nothing else seems good, there's always Mary

So, writing this is going to make something happen so that it doesn't work out like I think (and hope) it will. But, Cavanaugh is getting a makeover this semester. (Yeah, lucky seniors, our very last semester and we have to endure the hassle of construction and whatnot on the dorm and barely even get to enjoy it before we leave.) Like...powerwashing and whatnot, new windows I think, etc. They have a schedule up for when each of the various sections are getting done. And tonight when talking about it with my friends, when someone said something about wishing they could just do it when there aren't students in the dorm (the work goes on from 9:30-5 every day, which makes it difficult to sleep in for those of us lucky enough to have our schedules such that we can actually sleep in now, as well as making naps difficult later in the day. Luckily I don't really do naps this semester, so that part of it isn't as irritating), like summer and spring break. And then I realized, that the dates I had seen that they are doing my section of the building (I believe it's like two weeks or so) do include spring break. And thus, yay for me. That's at least one less week I have to deal with the most annoying parts. I mean, I'm sure it'll be a pain the whole time, but hopefully the worst part will only be when they're doing each person's respective section. And lucky for me, my section is the first that they do. According to the little schedule dealie they put up outside the dorm office.

In other news, I can't wait for it to be spring break. Thank God it's only three weeks away now. Two and a half, sort of. (Two weeks from this coming Friday I'll be on a plane, and then hopefully home. Barring, you know, any fun air travel mess-ups. From which we are never free. And I've had almost too much luck the past few times I've traveled by air, so something's bound to happen sooner or later.) I don't know if I could last much longer than that. But how pathetic is that, really? It's not like I have a semester like last semester. I have three regular classes, one class for which I have a reading per meeting, and typically it's only one meeting a week. I suppose, though, it's been somewhat stressful last week and this week because we had to meet twice last week and twice this week to make up for two Fridays that the prof wasn't in town. Which, I was thinking to myself "Just cancel it and let me go on with my life. It's just extra work for both of us to have us fit in an extra meeting two weeks in a row." But oh well. So that has been more than usual last week and this week. I actually have to do that reading, and do it well, and like take notes and such because I basically talk at him about the reading for an hour. And he interjects a lot too, but yeah. I can easily get away with not doing the readings in my other classes (some more than others), and for the most part I do. But it's still stressful. Haha. I'm pathetic. But I'm a senior, so whatever. And taking a class pass/fail doesn't mean I necessarily try less, either, even though I should. I still want to do well. But when I inevitably get to the point where I don't care, then I know it doesn't really matter and I can sort of just...do whatever is necessary to have at least something, and then not worry about it too much.

But then there are the two classes that do actually count for something. I should care about them, and about doing well. I just...don't. I mean, I do, but...I don't. I have a paper due in one this week (due Thursday) based on this week's Tuesday reading (The Screwtape Letters) and Thursday reading (two essays by this dude Tomas Spidlik from his book The Spirituality of the Christian East). It's a 6-7 page essay, which is somewhat substantial. So to do it means I have to get the readings done (and both are fairly long-ish) and find something to write about with both of them. For 6-7 pages. Bleh. And then next week I don't really have anything major due, but the week after that I have a 5-6 page paper due for the third real class (the MacIntyre class, in which I feel completely intimidated), and I just know that it won't be pretty. So that's due Monday the 25th. Thursday the 28th I have two midterms, history and CS Lewis. Back to back. How sucky is that? I'll definitely need a break after that week alone. I guess it's just all stressful because I don't really want to be doing schoolwork anymore, I'm sick of it, and...I don't know. I just don't care. I should, because no one wants to see a terrible GPA my last semester, should someone look at me closely enough as a potential employee, but I also realize it doesn't really matter. History will be pass/fail no matter what I do, and I don't see how it'd be possible for me actually to do badly enough to fail. CS Lewis is probably a solid B, somewhere in that range, just based on last semester with that prof and his grading and whatnot. MacIntyre's class is a question mark, because I've heard he's a tough grader, and I just don't see that my writing will be very impressive, and our grade is based on three essays throughout the semester. And directed readings? Well, who knows. I don't even know how he'll grade that. I think I'll have a 10-15, something in there, page paper to write at the end of the semester, and...yeah. I don't really know his expectations with this, and he said I'm the first undergrad he's had for a directed readings course so maybe he doesn't really have any. Who knows.

All I know is...I don't really care all that much. About any of it. And I should, because that's the whole point of me being in college, isn't it? To learn whatever I can? I guess at this point it's just become surviving to the end. Just trying to hang in there to get done what I need to get done so I can get that diploma and go on to become a high-powered career woman. Right? Oh, that's not what I'm going to do? Eh, at least I'll have the diploma.

Anyway. In better news, today was the 150th anniversary of the apparition of Our Lady of Lourdes. It's sort of a big deal here at my lovely school dedicated to Our Lady, what with the French roots and the Grotto and all.
There was a lovely Mass tonight (all the bells and smells, although, not really bells. We don't do the consecration bells here like some more traditional places do), and Fr. Hesburgh gave the homily. It was a pretty nice homily, about the start of the University, and Fr. Sorin, and the importance of Mary for this campus. I enjoyed it. Plus I had gone to confession right before Mass, so there's nothing quite a wonderful as a Mass right after a nice soul cleansing. And it was a pretty good confession too. Good stuff all around. How people cannot consider Mary incredibly important in Christianity is beyond me. Mary is beyond wonderful. I should turn to her more than I do, I think. Or, I know, because I don't very often.

Somehow it doesn't seem like it should count...

On the front page of CNN.com right now, there's a big "Live Developing Story" banner at the top. And then it says: "Celebrities arrive for the 50th Annual Grammy Awards."

Really, CNN? That's a legitimate news story?

I guess it's not much different than diving...

Did you know that there's competitive trampoline jumping in the Olympics? The Olympics! How weird is that? And there's synchronized trampolining too. Weird. I don't quite know why, but...weird.

I don't even have paths to decide between

So, the other day I jokingly said to my mom that after graduation I should get some job in Massachusetts somewhere and find me a nice Red Sox- and Patriots-loving boy. And then eventually make him move to Colorado with me. At the very least, maybe I'd get to see a Red Sox and/or a Patriots game. Now, even though I was just joking when I said that, the more I think about it, the more I sort of want to do it. Obviously not for the boy part, but just to experience living there for a little while. I don't know why. I've always sort of wondered what it'd be like had we never moved, what it'd be like to live there (obviously I did live there, but it doesn't really count when I only lived there until I was three and a half). I think I'd probably get sick of it for various reasons after awhile, but it might be fun to try. And I'd be closer to extended family, who(m?) I rarely get to see. That could be cool. But it'd also be pretty unpractical to be realistic about. I mean, there'd probably be more opportunities to do something church-like-related (more churches, that kind of stuff), but it wouldn't make sense to move my stuff from here back home and then just go somewhere else right away (or whenever). So yeah. I don't even know. I wish I had more direction in my life.

I also wish that I could get healthy again. I really can't even remember the last time I was healthy. I guess there was a period in December, maybe possibly even late November/December, but then I got the cough just after mid December and still haven't gotten rid of that. And then a cold sneaked up on me as soon as I got back here, which was starting to get better this week, when I got hit with a worse one. Luckily, the bad part only lasted two days, but now I have another cycle of stuffy/runny nose and more coughing and all that to deal with. Maybe I'll be healthy by spring break (which is only three weeks! away). Or maybe I'll get something new just in time. Who knows what'll happen with me. I'm supposed to be the healthy one, the one who gets sick only twice a year. What happened to me? (I think it's South Bend. It's a bad bad place.) Also, do you know how hard it is to try to get in shape when you're constantly sick? Very, that's how hard.


What a pathetic post. Sorry, folks. I've got nothing interesting to discuss anymore. (Anymore? Try ever.) Maybe I should quit blogging. Not that anyone would miss me.

That's what I get for thinking

I had recently, within the last few days, been feeling like I might be getting better. My cough was less frequent and less violent, the cold I've had pretty much since the semester started seemed like it was clearing up, all that good stuff. And then I didn't get enough sleep last night (again), and I haven't run my humidifier since Monday night (because of the starting to feel better thing), and today? Sore throat, icky feeling again, etc. I had escaped the sore throat this whole time, which I was happy about, but not so lucky today. I'm not sure if I'm getting something else or what, or if it's just because I had two nights this week of far not enough sleep. I'm sure hoping it's the latter. One of the front page stories in the school paper today (as well as the topic of conversation everywhere) is how bad the flu is this year. I mean, everyone's sick. Not everyone has the flu, but I think it's safe to say almost everyone knows someone who has or had it. Health services said usually there's a week where it's bad, but this year they're well into the third week of lots of flu patients. Including lots who had the flu vaccine (as I did this year, for the first time ever. Or at least in a while). A couple weeks back I remember reading that some Florida school cancelled classes for a few days or something because somewhere around 10% of their students had the flu. I wish they'd do that here for a few days. Man that'd be nice. (Although, thinking about it, I really have it pretty easy this semester. I don't do much of my reading, which will come back to haunt me sooner or later, and I only have three real classes to go to, and two once a weekers. But still.)

Anyway. Tonight, instead of going over to TC or somewhere to watch the new LOST episode and then follow it up with a trip to Legends for trivia night, I think I'll be staying in my room, sucking on cough drops, drinking tea. And hopefully going to bed early, once I get the reading done for one of those once a week classes that I unfortunately have tomorrow. S'all good though.

I saw this on someone's blog today, and it made me happy. Won't take long to figure out why:



(And now it's been an hour or two, and...yeah...I don't know how pretty this is going to be. I should have seen it coming. My ears, which had been pretty normal-ish lately, have been uncooperative on the plugged/unplugged thing the past day or two. And now my glands are swollen. I was wondering if they were getting there earlier today, but now they definitely are. Sigh. I wish I didn't have anything to do for Friday. Oh well. Who cares. I need to cut my bangs. And now I'm getting off the Internet for the night. And it's 10pm. I hope I can get to bed before midnight. Mmm that sounds lovely.)

So sad.

I just got the most depressing email. It was about purchasing a student ticket booklet for next year's football season. Which, obviously, I cannot buy. Because I will no longer be a student. And I am so sad at that realization. How mean of them to send it to everyone and rub it in all the seniors' faces. "Oh, you want student season tickets? Well TOO BAD!!! Everyone else, continue with your student lives, and feel free to continue enjoying ND football as a student. Because there's no way the 2008 season can be as bad as what those suckers the seniors had to experience for their last year! Mwahaha!!!"

Ok, perhaps it's not quite that bad.

But...no more student section. Ever. Again. Never. I'm not even terribly close to anyone in grades below mine, so I won't even have someone to try to sneak me in if I should come back for a game. Not that I'd want to, necessarily, because it wouldn't be the same without the friends I've sat with the last four seasons, but still. And no younger siblings here either. Next time I go to a game, I'll have to sit with the boring regular people, and probably be yelled at if I try to stand up at all during the game, or when I make noise when we're on defense. How sad. I wonder what it'll be like to watch college football when I'm no longer in college...it was slightly odd this year, realizing that a majority of those playing were younger than me (unlike previous years, when there were a number my ageish or older). Next year...I'll be an alumna, and they'll still be students. Bizarre...

Oh, change.

Be productive, or go to sleep?

I've been surprising myself this past week with productivity. Now, I haven't gotten all homework (reading) done that I should have, but I've actually been doing some this week! Which is, sadly, an improvement for me. Whatever. Here I am, 9:40 at night, trying to continue this semi-productive streak. What's standing in my way? The fact that my history professor assigned us around 170 pages of reading for tomorrow's class. How does he not think that terribly excessive? I guess he doesn't really want us to read it very closely. Because that's impossible to do. Maybe, maybe if it was for our Tuesday class, because that's five days between classes. But for a Thursday class? Three chapters from one book (when we've generally only been reading one chapter per class out of that one) plus 100 pages from another book? That's just way way too much. It's so hard to get motivation to do reading when the reading assignment is ridiculously long. And then I have 40 pages of CS Lewis to read. I should at least do that. When we get into the Chronicles of Narnia, every Tuesday we'll be talking one of the books, which means a book a week. That's also a lot of pages, but they're very little books. And they're stories, children's stories, and interesting. Much different than 170 pages of reading about FDR and his early days as president and such. (Although I am slightly sad that we only spend one day on each of the books. That's my biggest complaint about our CS Lewis class. We have to read this stuff for each class, and only get to hit on a few points because we discuss them so quickly. Oh well, I guess.)

Sigh.

Plus I'm tired and could easily just go to bed right now. Maybe I should. I'm doing history pass/fail anyway. Wow, how weird would it be if I went to bed right now? haha. I'm so tempted to...

Just an excuse to post pictures

I want/need to get my hair cut. My bangs very much need it, and the rest of my hair does too. It's layered, but it's sort of...just two layers. Not very good. Plus it's been sort of awhile anyway. But I think I want to get it cut like this, from two summers ago:


I really liked it that length. I might could go shorter. I don't know. But the question is, should I wait until spring break? Still another month. Really three and a half weeks. I could get it done here. Not sure how much I trust them (there's a salon in the basement of Lafortune), but my friend Gail just got hers cut there last week and I think it looks really good. Hers is mostly one length, with just a little bit of layering. I was also considering doing something like that too. I always get my hair layered, and I've been thinking about doing just one length for awhile now. So I just don't know. I am. The most. Indecisive. Person. EVER. Disprove it.

That's right, you can't.

Thoughts from a melancholic haze/A Tale of Two Susies

Last night, there was beautiful snow. Today, much of the day has been foggy. To the point where tonight, at nine, after work, I couldn't even see Hesburgh (our 14 (13? I really should know this) floor library) from the front door of Cavanaugh. And while that might not mean much to most of you reading this, Cavanaugh is not at all far from Hesburgh. So not being able to see it is weird. And forget about seeing the Dome. Even from my fourth floor window. It's crazy. And I just heard some thunder, and it poured for about two minutes. So...at least the weather's been good. (Good obviously meaning the kind of weather I enjoy.)

I realized today that the most exciting thing that's happened to me in...well, awhile (aside from the obvious and anomalous exception of the DC trip) is the knitting I've been doing. How pathetic is my life? I swear, my life just gets more and more boring. No wonder I don't like talking on the phone. What do I have to talk about? That's right, nothing.

Whatever.

So far this semester, I've been much improved on my sleeping amounts over last semester. Not that it would be hard to beat last semester. But I've been regularly getting usually at least 7 hours a night. I'd rather have 8, but still, 7 is pretty darn good. (I suppose not so good when you consider what time I wake up, typically, but whatever.) So yay me for that I guess. (Of course, now that I say that, tonight I have tons to get done, that I actually have to get finished, compared to the little I typically do that isn't so much a necessity...so not 7 hours tonight, that's for sure. I have to be up in time to leave here by...probably 9:30 at the latest so I can be sure to get to my 10:10 appointment on time. It takes about five, ten minutes to drive there. Unless you can't find it. Then it takes you forever. Because it's not there. So leaving early would be prudent.)

I wish I had something to look forward to. Anything, really. There's nothing for miles and miles and miles. I could possibly say graduation, but how much am I really looking forward to leaving here until who knows when, and going out into the world doing who knows what? And other than that, there's not a whole lot else. Easter's something, I guess, but once again I'll probably be going to most of that stuff alone, since my parents are no longer coming, and my friends who stay aren't terribly interested in getting to the different services hours early, and sitting through the hours-long Easter Vigil and whatnot. I should be used to that, though. Except when I'm home, I don't really go to Mass with anyone typically. But it's sort of different when it's a daily Mass, where most people are spread out and by themselves, compared to the beyond-crowded Triduum services, where most people have other people to be with. I guess I'm just not meant to have that. It's probably better for me that I have nothing to which I can look forward. When I look forward to something, it almost inevitably ends up being a disappointment. I've always known I should keep my expectations low, but somehow I always talk myself into expecting good things. I mean, good things have to come along eventually, right? I'm still waiting. But no longer expecting it. It's just easier that way.

Did you know that Wednesday starts Lent? I'm planning on going to Mass every day, maybe giving up going to the Backer (although right now, I'm not sure that it'd be that much of a sacrifice; if anything, it'd be a good excuse to get out of going aside from the fact that I'm just a big ol' lame-o), and giving up soda. Just because I feel like I should give up something like that. I always do. And soda's bad for me. And you. I sometimes think I should give up the Internet. But man, what an isolated life I would lead if I did that. I suck at socializing with real people, and it's easier to keep in touch with (some) people online too. Although, with the exception of my immediate family members, most people back home don't really do much Internet stuff. I mean, I guess there's facebook, but I don't really tend to communicate much with Facebook. I have to for those people because I hate using the phone and they hate using AIM, so that's what I'm left with. But anyway. Sometimes I do just want to give up on the Internet. And TV. And maybe go move into the mountains and be a hermit. But dude, I think I'd go crazy. Although I might be going crazy as it is right now, hard to say. I find myself less amused by the Internet lately, less desiring to look up peoples' blogs, less wanting to hear more bad news from here and there and Hollywood, less needing all of it. Maybe I'll just one day become an old crazy cat lady, sitting on my porch rocker, knitting. That could be fun. I do like to knit. Apparently it's the only thing I like to do these days.

What was my point? Oh yeah. Maybe one of these years I'll give up the Internet. Maybe. Maybe blogging. No one would have any idea what the heck is going on with me if I didn't blog once in awhile, though. I don't talk much, believe it or not. Although, there's about three people who I regularly interact with who actually read this, so I guess most people don't really have any idea what the heck is going on with me normally.



Ok, sorry about that. That was written yesterday. Yesterday, I wasn't so much in a good mood. Today, for no real reason, I'm in a much better mood. So that's good. Which is actually kind of weird, because I'm running on not much sleep today. As I said I would be. Not only did I go to bed later than I have in awhile, I couldn't fall asleep for awhile, and then suddenly around 5am I was awoken by...silence. I only know it was 5am because they had warned us previously that our power would be turned off for a half hour or so this morning at 5, for some reason (and thus we shouldn't rely on regular clock alarms). So when they did that, sadly both my big fan (which I run on the floor next to my window at night, somewhat as a noise canceler since it's not hot out obviously) and the fan at my bed (which mostly just blows straight up at the ceiling, since again, it's not hot right now) turned off. And I am far far too dependent on those for my sleeping. I just can't fall asleep very easily without a constant noise like that. Unless I'm really tired. But yeah, so that woke me up this morning, and then I couldn't really fall asleep very well until they turned on the power again. I might have dozed, but I definitely noticed when they came on. Anyway. Who cares? Oh that's right. No one. Ha.

It's raining right now. It's been raining for awhile. Which means our sidewalks are essentially creeks, as this campus isn't so good at the draining and whatnot. Water just builds up at various points on the sidewalks, and then spreads if it keeps raining (and if, like today, the rain is added to the snow melt that it creates). So it's wet outside. I'm ok with it though. Haha, our high on Sunday is 5. Hm. I really need to invest in a pair of closed-toe nice shoes that I can wear with my skirts. Like, really. So frustrating to find though. Plus there's the small little detail that I have something like less than $100 to my name at the moment...plus a credit card bill...plus all those loans I don't like to think about. Whatever. Sigh. It's always something else.

So I agreed to do this thing on Thursday that involves me speaking in front of people for five minutes. Why? I have no idea. I got asked to give my impressions on that saints conference I went to a few weekends back, and I'm one of three students who are doing this (I have no idea how many were asked. I was probably like tenth choice or something). It's intimidating. I mean, I guess it'll be easy enough to BS, but...gosh I don't do well talking in front of people. Like, really. Sigh.

Ok too much sighing. I made it to the doctor today. Nothing interesting to report. Well, sort of, but I'm not going to share it here. She wants me to come back in three months to see where we are then, and how things look after three months of being on birth control, see what that does to the cyst. So...that's cool. She gave me a pamphlet on laparoscopy. I really hope we don't have to get that far. Hopefully there won't be anything in three months, and I can forget about this whole ordeal. And hopefully stop being on the pill. I don't care what people tell me, I really don't want to be on it for long (or at all, but yeah).

This is a long entry. And no pictures, either. I know. I'll put one I took last night.
Compared to this (admittedly, this one's not a great picture, plus I took it through several window panes rather than through just one like the above picture. But aside from that, it's sort of exactly the same picture, placement-wise):Ok I'm done this post now. Yeah, about time, right?

Before you say anything

No, that game was not good. No, I am not happy. No, the Patriots didn't play well (except I can't complain about my man Welker. I've loved him all season, and love him still). Yes, everyone except Patriots fans is thrilled right now. Yes, I still love the Patriots. Everyone else hates them but whatever.

Here's the deal: I am not, nor have I ever been, one of those fans who lords wins over fans of opposing teams. With the possible exceptions of Yankees and USC fans, but even then, I don't really do that. Maybe (if I ever run into one) a quick "haha", but nothing much beyond that. Unless it's passively. So I really really really don't appreciate people doing it to me. Especially when it's done by people who don't even really like the team that beat mine, but pretend to be fans for a game or so. So, any comments like that will not be appreciated, just fyi. I think most people who read this probably wouldn't do that, and might even be heavily Patriots fans (or at least not Patriots-antagonistic). I'm a nice girl. I like the Patriots. That doesn't make me a bad person. I even like the Red Sox. This also doesn't make me a bad person. I am not the Patriots, nor am I the Red Sox, or any other team. If you want to hate them, fine, I guess. But just leave me out of it. I hate the Yankees. But I know some nice people who are Yankees fans, and I wouldn't want to hurt them by kicking them when they're down, whenever the Red Sox beat them. (Or when the Indians beat them. Or whatever.) Maybe I'm just more sensitive than some. But I am sensitive sometimes, and I don't appreciate being kicked. Especially not when I'm already down.

And right now? I'm down. So leave me alone.

I just can't believe that's how the season ended.

Happy birthday Peter!

You're officially no longer a teenager anymore, which means no more teenagers in the family. We all wish we could be with you to celebrate today (preferably with you not in Iraq), but we'll just have to make up for it when we see you in May! Love you, Bleeter!

Bittersweet...but hopefully more sweet than bitter

Tonight, as you may or may not know (and man, if you don't, wow) is the Superbowl. In which the Patriots are playing. It also means that it's the last football game for months and months and months. I guess there's the pro bowl sometime. But whatever. I'm going to be sad when it's over, because I love football. I haven't watched a game in three weeks because I missed the AFC and NFC championship games. And the games the week before that I didn't see a lot of, because I was traveling and unpacking and whatnot that weekend. And man, I miss football. I'd be looking forward to today regardless of who was playing. I mean, obviously somewhat less than I am, but still.

Anyway. Here's hoping that the outcome of the game is such that I can ignore for awhile that I'll have a long wait before there's another football game to watch.

How I spend my weekend nights lately.

(AKA, I'm lame.)






Obviously there's some loose yarn threads there...I think I mentioned my lack of a needle (aside from tiny thread needles I have), so I haven't yet been able to weave in the yarn ends yet. And I just finished the mitten, and it's still actually not sewn up the side. Not sure if you can tell that or not from those pictures. Which I should have rotated before posting, possibly, so the mitten would be vertical rather than horizontal...but whatever. I knitted a mitten! My goal of the past two years, ever since I promised Bethany I'd knit her some! How good am I? And yeah, with the head wrap (actually called a Calorimetry), I want to make another one (and actually have gotten requests from some people to make them one. And if you want one, just give me some yarn. I don't want to pick out other people's yarn for them. Unless it's like a gift, maybe. But anyway), and I'm definitely going to go shorter (it's actually long enough that I can tie the ends, which you can kind of see in that last picture (which, by the way, have you ever tried to take a picture of the back of your head? It's not terribly easy), so I don't even need the button. But going shorter will require a button. Anyway. And I'm also going to go thinner. It covers a bit too much, I think. But it's still fun. And really, really easy to make. I wish I could just knit forever. How awesome would that be? I think my next goal will be to knit a full-sized afghan for someone. I've made two baby blankets (one for each nephew), and they both turned out ok. Although I think I'd pick a different yarn for the first one, maybe. A softer one. But anyway.

Yay knitting. I just wish the good yarn didn't cost so darned much. Boo to that.

(The height of my lameness, by the way: Last night, I was over at my friends' apartment, where there was, apparently, something of a beer pong party going on -- which actually ended up just being the five of us regulars and one of my friend's boyfriend, and his friend who was visiting. But as they were sitting there playing beer pong, and then moved on to playing Kings (another drinking game), I was sitting on the couch knitting that mitten. And you know what? I'm perfectly ok with that. Even if they -- mostly the boys - - wanted to make fun of it. Good times. I wish I could knit everywhere, all the time. Sucks that I can't read and knit at the same time. Oh well.)

Incensed

Know what one of the best parts of an incense-filled Mass is? Continuing to smell incense-y hours later because it's permeated your clothes, hair, and even hands. (Until the next time hands are washed, at least.) I love smelling incense.

It must have an anti-plotting device

I know you're all dying to know how my appointment went. Well, it didn't. I got up and out of there with just enough time it make it, perhaps a little late because the roads weren't going up to the speed limit, except when I turned onto the street where the office is located, I couldn't find it. And then I was driving around trying to find it, went back to that street and still couldn't find it, and they ended up calling me to reschedule because I was 20 minutes late and my doctor had to go make her rounds at the hospital or whatever. So that was really annoying. I have no idea where the building went. My rescheduled appointment is for Tuesday morning, so I might just leave like an hour early or something (maybe not that early) in case I can't find it again. I feel sort of dumb, but not really, because...I was on the right street. I don't even know. Whatever. So that sort of sucks, and now I have to wake up early on Tuesday (I won't tell you what I consider early, though) for my appointment.

Sigh. Just another thing.

Greatest feeling ever. Or...in the past week.

My card works in the dorm again! FINALLY! It took some persistence on my part, which isn't my strong suit, but man I was getting sick of having to wait for people, standing outside in the cold like a lost little puppy or something. Ok I never actually felt like a lost little puppy, but it did suck. But now, after a full week, we're back in business. Of course, the only time I've used it since it started working (this afternoon around four or so) is to check and make sure it was working as I was leaving. But it worked! And that's the point.

And now it's the weekend. And I'm determined to have a better weekend than I did last weekend. Not that that'll be hard. (Although I did do laundry last weekend. And is there anything better than freshly laundered clothes? I mean, the laundering isn't as fun, but the having laundered clothes rocks. Smells awesome. Mmm. Too bad I'm too lazy (and cheap) to do it every week. But that's slightly excessive for one person, I think. Every two weeks is good. Why am I still talking about my laundry? It's the weekend! I'm leaving.)