So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye

Adieu and good riddance to 2007. Been nice knowing you, but now it's time for an even year. And hopefully a good one, too.

I think I'm not a very pleasant person

Today I wrote a lengthier post than this will be, complaining about everything from this persistent cough that won't go away and is affecting my sleep, to the stuff that's put on TV today and called "entertainment," to the lack of understanding I have about how some people can be so messed up as to kill their entire families on Christmas Eve over what seems like money. I just didn't have a good day today. The fact that I didn't get much sleep last night was made worse by the fact that I had a really hard time at Mass today. (And not just because it's Holy Apostles, and I'm definitely going to need to find another church when I come back here after I graduate.) It's sad, because today is a lovely feast day -- the Holy Family. But it was hard for me, listening to the readings and all.

Anyway. I'm just having a rough time lately. As usual, I guess.

Tomorrow's the last day of 2007. It hasn't been all bad, but I don't think I'll be sorry to see this year come to a close. Although I'm not sure how much good I can hope for in the upcoming year. Especially January, as January seems often to hold unpleasant things for me.

Just gotta say it...

16-0. Yeah baby!

(And yes, I realize they're beatable, or at least they looked so tonight. And that the next three games, if they lose one they're out, so I'm not by any means saying they're a shoo-in for the Superbowl or anything. But they didn't get beat tonight, so...perfection!)

Step it up, Colorado Springs

I was looking at a message board I haven't visited in awhile, a Catholic one, and one of the threads was discussing the Pope's seeming wish to return Masses to their more traditional roots, more or less. One of the posts mentioned that the person's diocese archdiocese has 7 parishes that regularly offer the NO Mass in Latin (that's the Novus Ordo, the Mass most people know and attend). I'm very very jealous of that archdiocese. I don't think we even have one parish that does it at all, or at least regularly. I really wish we did. Maybe I just need to move up to that archdiocese (I think in Michigan somewhere). Except, ew, Michigan.

I'd rather it be snowing than sunny, and I'd rather mice than ants

I forgot to mention something yesterday. It snowed all day. Now, for most of the day I didn't consider it to be a true "white Christmas," as the "snow" we were getting was just a dusting that was blowing around most of the day. Didn't even stick to the cars most of the day, even the ones that had been sitting in front of the house since the night before. But then in the afternoon it picked up a little, a very little, but enough to where I could begrudgingly say it was a white Christmas. Now, had we lived in Monument or pretty much anywhere more north or west of where Colorado Springs is, it probably would have been a tried and true white Christmas. That's the thing about the Springs. We're in this sort of bubble that tends to get the least of whatever snow or precipitation comes. Excluding Pueblo and other places south of here, of course. But anyway. So it wasn't one of those white Christmases from the picture-perfect Christmas cards of Christmas Eve imaginings from the Victorian era and whatnot, but there was snow involved at least.

I've realized lately that my idea of a perfect Christmas/Christmas Eve is one that's set in England in the 1800s or something like that. Or somewhere like the little city in Lady and the Tramp, you know that part at the beginning. Or somewhere in the mountains, when everything out here was new. So clearly if that's my idea of a perfect Christmas, I'm never going to have one. Thus it seems that I need to adjust my thinking.

Anyway.

Know what else? We have mice in our house. That's never happened, to my recollection, possibly because we've had cats as long as I've been alive. Until September. (Of course, I'm not sure how much help she was in that area, as she was declawed and sort of sucked at the hunting thing. But maybe she kept them away anyway somehow.) But now we have mice. Cathy apparently thought she saw one in the family room when she was watching the house when my parents were gone the first week or so of December. And then on Monday Tom saw one running along the floor of the family room under the fireplace. And a few minutes later I saw it going the other direction out of the corner of my eye, as did he. This set into motion a fun-filled few hours during which we set up two mousetraps on either side of that end of the family room, and Kebbie fruitlessly attempted to find the mouse. But she doesn't care how fruitless it is, she loves doing it. Tom saw the mouse at one point during this, as it jumped up the step that goes from our family room to the kitchen, but it was the side of the family room that is against the garage. So it might have gotten in from the door to the garage there. We have yet to catch a mouse in the family room, but this morning my dad set up a mousetrap in the garage and caught one already. So they're definitely in there. And tonight I was sitting in the family room and I heard a squeak behind me, so I looked and there by the stove was a mouse, just chilling. I went over and was trying to figure out how to get it trapped somehow without scaring it away. Anyway, it did end up getting away (probably back under the stove), but now there's a mousetrap set up in the pantry too.

Now, I won't pretend I don't feel a little bit bad about killing the cute little mice. They are cute. But from afar. I don't like the idea of going over near the fireplace and stepping on a mouse, or picking up a movie from around there and finding a mouse on it (I know these are irrational fears, as I'm sure I'd scare it away long before I could touch it). But Christmas Eve, after we got back from Mass and stuff, we were gonna finish watching It's a Wonderful Life, and as my mom and I went to turn it on, there was the mouse running around near the TV, far too close to me than I like. So I don't know. I'm ok with the mousetraps as long as I don't have to see the finished product. It's so weird that this is happening now, though, because pretty much the first time I've seen a mouse anywhere near close (aside from in pet stores, obviously) was sleeping in the airport the night before my flight home for Thanksgiving. It was there running out from under the vent that ran along the window where I had set up camp. Pretty cute, and a nice distraction from the monotony that comes from sleeping in an airport, but again I didn't want it to get too close to me. What wacky things happened to me this semester. From mice to hospital visits. Hm.

So hey, good news! The Patriots game this Saturday, which previously was only going to be on the stupid NFL Network, is now being simulcasted (simulcast?) on NBC and CBS too! That means I can watch it, and I don't have to go to a bar to do so. I'm excited. Last game of the regular season. Could be bad, as the Giants definitely aren't terrible, but they're also already in the playoffs so maybe they don't want to play all their starters since, what's the point? But the Patriots want to preserve their undefeated season, and both Tom Brady and Randy Moss are two TDs away from breaking the records for most TD passes in a season and most TD receptions in a season, respectively. So that'd be cool. Although lately the Patriots have been playing somewhat sub par (what the heck were they doing second half last week? Both those records could have been wrapped up easily in the last game. Psh). Anyway.

Today, I looked up the books I'll need for my classes next semester. 19. For three classes. And I'm sure I'll have to get other stuff for my directed readings class. So, uh...that's cool. I mean, since I have so much money and all. Seriously. 19 books is sort of ridiculous. And it's actually 21, but I have two of them ("one" of those being the whole of the Chronicles of Narnia). Sigh. I haven't added up the total yet (the total if I buy it at the bookstore, before I go hunting for the best deal online), and at least they're 19 small books, but still. It adds up, especially with shipping. That possibly fun spring break trip is quickly disappearing before my eyes...

Time to buckle down

So, now that Christmas is over (ahhh! Good thing I'm Catholic and thus still get 12 more days of Christmas), it's time to start thinking about life after graduation. I've for years thought about getting a summer job at a national park, but haven't done anything about it, or looked into it too late, or just...didn't think it'd work (since they often want people for longer than I could do it, having to go back to school and all). But I'm looking into it more seriously now. Since I have no idea what I'm going to do after graduation anyway, I might as well do something I've wanted to do for awhile, right? I mean, I don't know if it'll work, and I don't know if it's the right thing. Especially considering I might not be home at all again until graduation, so would I then want to turn around and spend another three, four, five months somewhere else? But I don't know. It could be cool. Right now I'm looking at a place at the Grand Canyon. That'd be wicked sweet. Or, oooh, how about somewhere in Alaska? Much farther away, obviously, but still. I've always wanted to go to Alaska. Or Montana. Glacier National Park. How cool.

I don't know though. Aside from the potential for homesickness, it might just not be very prudent. I mean, I'm going to need money when I graduate, and any of those jobs aren't going to pay much above what's minimum wage here, probably. Plus I'd have to pay something for room and board. So yeah, I don't really know. Sigh.

Especially for Peter

My cute nephews, one while opening his present from Uncle Peter (who's in Iraq this Christmas), the other while doing this weird chewing thing he kept doing tonight for some reason. Until he got tired of it.

Merry Christmas!!!

Well, another Christmas has come and gone. I've stopped trying to make them special, trying to get back the feeling I had when I was a kid, because those times are gone. Christmas is what it is now, and that's ok too.

It was a pretty good day. We were a bit sparse with the presents this year (we're pretty much all broke, so we focused on getting stuff for the kids rather than each other), but I can't complain. I got a cool Scott Hahn book I'm excited about (it's his newest one, and looks quite good), and I got the Anne of Green Gables DVD set, finally! I've been wanting it for a few years now. So that's awesome. And I got a 2gb flashdrive and a 2gb memory card for my camera, which I knew about but it's still exciting. I can now take over 1000 pictures on my camera before I have to empty it. Sweet. Oh, and I got Red Sox earrings! That's pretty great. So anyway. Good times.

I just made my first two albums on Facebook. For some reason I had never ventured into that territory, but man is it easy to upload pictures there. Very user-friendly. Quite convenient. I'm uploading some others onto Picasa, the Google-based photo hosting site, and you can only upload five at a time. On Facebook, you go to the folder from which you want pictures, and click all the ones you want to put in the album, and then hit upload. You can only do 60 an album, but you can upload all 60 of those (or however many you pick, obviously) at a time. And then give them all titles and captions at the same time. And it's easy to organize them the way you want. Very nice. So why am I not just using that? I don't really know, actually. I'm weird like that.

Anyway. So, merry Christmas.

Christmas Eve

Still, still, still,
One can hear the falling snow.
For all is hushed,
The world is sleeping,
Holy Star its vigil keeping.
Still, still, still,
One can hear the falling snow.

Sleep, sleep, sleep,
'Tis the eve of our Savior's birth.
The night is peaceful all around you,
Close your eyes,
Let sleep surround you.
Sleep, sleep, sleep,
'Tis the eve of our Savior's birth.

Dream, dream, dream,
Of the joyous day to come.
While guardian angels without number,
Watch you as you sweetly slumber.
Dream, dream, dream,
Of the joyous day to come.

Wow

I just checked my grades for the semester, as they're finally up now. I am both pleasantly surprised, and not so pleasantly. Meaning, I didn't get below a B in anything (not even a B-! I have no idea how I managed to pull that off, seriously). But I also didn't get above an A- in anything. It's not exactly surprising, the A- thing, but I was hoping I'd get an A in at least something. Actually, I did get a lower grade in sign language than I expected. But whatever. I guess it all evens out. And my GPA isn't terribly affected by this semester of hell. So...cool I guess. Yay me.

And did you know? Christmas is officially just about two days away. How did that happen? When did that happen? Seriously. Isn't it still like mid-November, or early December at the latest? Definitely not three weeks into the month. The last month of 2007.

I hope 2008 is a good year for me. Because...well...yeah anyway. Just hasn't been the greatest year. Not terrible, but not great either. There's definitely room for improvement.

Maybe if I ignore it it'll go away

So, I'm a bit peeved. I was feeling lots better today (no real abdominal pain, which was nice), but then tonight after taking Jason back over to Cathy's, I went shopping for a few things. During my excursion at Walmart, I started getting a bit more pains again. That didn't make sense. Anyway, I was a bit concerned. By the time I got home it had gotten sorta bad. So I had some tea, took some Ibuprofen, and took it easy. I guess I pushed myself a bit too far today, forgetting that no pain /= complete healing. They told me to take it easy for a few days after I got out of the hospital last time, but I forgot about that part this time. Hopefully it'll not continue to be bad, but will just be a temporary setback. Sigh. Stupid ovaries.

So, I have less than no money, and it sucks. Lauren and I have the same spring break this year and we want to do something. At first we were thinking Canada, but maybe now we'll just try for Washington. It's close to Canada, if I get around to getting a passport this break and can get it in time for that, maybe we can visit up there a couple of days. But here's the thing. That costs money. All of it. And as I said, I have less than none. So...yeah. I really want to do it. Sigh. I don't know. Maybe I'll get a sugardaddy by then.

I really want to go to midnight Mass this year. I always want to, but our church does midnight Mass at 10:30, and I think we usually go to the 8:30 or so anyway. But one of these years, I want to go to a real Midnight Mass. There are a few churches around town doing them, including the Cathedral (and I bet, or I would hope, that they'd do a wonderful job with it). One of the churches has an 8am Christmas morning Mass with a Latin choir. That'd be cool too. But I want to do the midnight Mass. It's such a wonderful idea. Such a lovely thing.

Speaking of lovely, one of the good things about driving the other day was the sunset. Although, the sunrise was cool too, because it was cloudy and the whole ground was covered in snow so eventually when the sky began to lighten, everything looked blue. It was wonderful. Driving across the country in winter, through the countryside most of the way, with the whole way snow-covered was awesome, really. I loved that part of it. And then the sunset was magnificent. And we were driving right towards it, so we had great seats. And we could see the whole thing, the whole sky. But then after that the drive went downhill. I'm not sure if it was because of the lack of light, or because it was the tail end of a 17 hour drive, or because the sun set at like 4:30 (4:30!) but in my head it meant that it was nighttime so we should get there soon, when really we had another five or so hours to go, or just a combination. Whatever it was, the sunset was the last good thing about that day. But it was quite a good thing.

So I'm sorta concerned. I really really really really really hope that tonight's pain isn't anything more than, you know, basic old "I have a cyst on my ovary and that's the way it is" pain. And by that, I mean that I hope it's not "The cyst on my ovary decided it didn't want to be a cyst anymore and decided to change its situation by rupturing." Because that would be Bad. News. And believe me, I know. I have a friend who had this happen, the whole rupturing thing, and it wasn't diagnosed for a few days at which point they couldn't really do much but help with the pain, except that not doing much later manifested itself in some messed up intestines that are only just starting to heal. So obviously I'd like to avoid that route. But I'd also like to avoid the whole having to stay in the hospital thing. Especially now. Tom's coming home tomorrow, and leaving Christmas night, and I like Tom and I would like to see him outside of the confines of a hospital room. Not to mention the fact that I'd rather not have to spend Christmas in the hospital. Surprising, I know. So anyway. Bedtime might be a bit early tonight, somewhat, for me at least, and we'll just hope that I'm all better tomorrow.

(Oh yeah, and Josh Groban also sings Italian. I just remembered that today randomly at some point. So anyway. Oh, and there's one more way that CD could be made better, aside from having O Holy Night on it: if O Come All Ye Faithful were sung in Latin. Oh man yeah. But I still love it the way it is anyway.)

I've probably done this one before.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Either way. It's more fun to wrap and unwrap than just to put in or take out of a bag, but whatever.
2. Real tree or artificial? Real tree. Real tree. REAL TREE.
3. When do you put up the tree? When we do. Still isn't up yet this year, maybe we'll get around to it tonight or tomorrow.
4. When do you take the tree down? After Epiphany usually. Sometimes it gets left up until after I go back to school.
5. Do you like eggnog? Mmmhmmmmmm. I really want some right now.
6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hm...I know I got some stuffed animals that I loved...nothing really sticks out right now as an absolute favorite though.
7. Do you have a Nativity scene? Yeah we do.
8. Hardest person to buy for? Everyone? I am seriously like the worst present-getter in the world. It really stresses me out, because I am just always worried it'll be the worst present they've ever received.
9. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Don't know if I really have one.
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? I think emailing a card of any kind is...eh I don't know. I'm not a fan of emailing cards for real occasions (just a "thinking of you" or whatever is different, though). So definitely mail.
11. Favorite Christmas Movie? It's a Wonderful Life, Mr Magoo's Christmas Carol, Mickey's Christmas Carol, Charlie Brown Christmas, Home Alone, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, etc.
12. When do you start shopping for Christmas? It's hard to shop when I'm at school, so usually not until like a week before Christmas. This year, I haven't even started yet...talk about stressful (but geez, how am I supposed to think about Christmas presents when I'm running on no sleep and have finals and papers and blah blah blah?)
13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I don't think so.
14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Uh...real food? haha. I like the Christmas Starbucks drinks (but I typically only get those when I'm at school), but I don't really have a specific Christmas-related food that I love eating every year.
15. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear lights look nice, and classy, and all that, but they're just not homey or as warm-seeming as colored lights.
16. Favorite Christmas song? Anything Josh Groban sings. And I'm a big fan of a lot of the songs on A Fresh Aire Christmas by Mannheim Steamroller -- old, traditional Christmas songs (I especially love Still, Still, Still).
17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Yes. haha. I sort of have to travel to get home. But hopefully, maybe, this is the last year that'll be the case.
18. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Anyone should, if they know the Rudolph song ("you know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?")
19. Angel on the tree top or a star? I think we have an angel, and have for pretty much as long as I remember.
20. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Maybe one on Christmas Eve, but we don't usually ever do that.
21. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Um...well, it was finals, but I guess I can't complain about those anymore. The fact that I get so little time to prepare adequately because of school and I get so little time to soak it all in, and then as soon as Christmas Day is over, the rest of the world moves on to other holidays and bereave me of lovely Christmas decorations and music and whatnot.

Like tons of velvety goodness

I just heard Josh Groban's O Holy Night. I haven't heard it much this year as it's not on his Christmas album (what an oversight, in my opinion. Arguably one of the best versions of that song, and the only reason I have it on my computer is because I downloaded it back when it wasn't so illegal to download songs for free. Ish. Why not put it on his Christmas album?). But gosh, it is heartachingly wonderful. I love heartachingly wonderful things. Things that are just so great that you can't believe it every time you experience it, and can't imagine that they could possibly be that great when you're not experiencing it. Like hugging someone who's really important to you. Or having some sort of special moment with your absolutely beloved dog. Or hearing your toddler nephew say I love you over the phone.

But back to Josh Groban. Seriously, his voice is beyond amazing. Anyone who argues against that simply doesn't know good music. Even my friend Bethany, who likes Nine Inch Nails, Linkin Park, and the like (among other things -- she does like some music that I like as well), who would be just about the last person you would peg as liking anything in the genre that Josh Groban sings, heard him on a drive home from school last year or sometime. She expected not to like it, but ended up thinking him quite good. It's just universal, and therefore, it's objectively true. And that voice, plus some of the greatest Christmas songs out there? That makes for some good listening, let me tell you. He's so good, that his Christmas album has recently become the year's top-selling album, and it beat Elvis Presley's record of number of weeks at the top (it's been at the top for four consecutive weeks, the first Christmas album to do so, and Elvis' Christmas album was a the top for four weeks but non-consecutively. Ergo, Josh Groban > Elvis Presley. Disprove it).

Anyway. Know what's lovely about this CD? There are two -- TWO -- songs that are in Latin! Gotta love a guy who can sing his Latin. Not to mention a host of other languages (there's also a French song on the Christmas album, and he's sang Spanish on some albums, and...well...maybe that's it. There's gotta be at least another language though...maybe not. Still, though). Here, since I've spent so much time already extolling the wonderfulness of this CD, I'll prove it.




(And here's a live version of him singing it at the Rockefeller tree lighting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZFq2JhPce5I)

And of course, the paramount version of a wonderful song (even though it's not on the album):


Wow. Sorry about that. Gonna wreak havoc on some people's ability to load the page, perhaps. Whatever. It's Josh, so it's worth it. But I'll end this now so as to keep it from getting ridiculously out of hand. (But man, tell me that his version of O Come All Ye Faithful isn't one of the best you've ever heard. So amazing.)

Christmas Novena day 5

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment
At which the Son of God was born
Of a most pure Virgin
At a stable at midnight in Bethlehem
In the piercing cold
At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee,
To hear my prayers and grant my desires
(mention request here).

Through Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother.

Worth the price of admission

Know what's awesome about coming home? Finding a "Yard-o-beef" (summer sausage!) in my fridge, and seeing a 3 pound bag of Gardetto's original recipe snack mix on our counter. Oh man.

Of course, if it were up to me, I wouldn't have chosen to spend the first five hours or so that I was back home in the hospital, but whatever. (They didn't even do anything for me. Gave me some pain medicine and sent me on my way. After making me sit there for like an hour, not coming in to update me on what they were doing at all, the only testing they did being on my urine. How fun.) I was ok-ish on Tuesday and most of the day yesterday while driving, but then the last three hours or so I really just...ugh. And then when I got home, it was like all of a sudden all hell broke loose. So Mom and Dad were like, you have to go to the ER. Basically they (the ER people) figure this might be a recurring thing now, as they assumed it was the same thing as last time I was in the hospital. (The only testing they did ruled out things like appendicitis, kidney stones, bladder infection, etc.) So he suggested I see a gynecologist and maybe go on birth control. It's not a surprise that this is the suggestion, but I really really don't want to have to do that. I'd really rather not go that route if I can avoid it. Sigh.

Anyway. Last night, on the radio, I heard a commercial for some sort of interactive Nativity scene somewhere in the city. Among the attractions to make you come include petting the animals there, and "Get your picture taken with Baby Jesus!" Huh? What the heck is that? Weird is what that is.

Christmas Novena day 4

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment
At which the Son of God was born
Of a most pure Virgin
At a stable at midnight in Bethlehem
In the piercing cold
At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee,
To hear my prayers and grant my desires
(mention request here).

Through Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother.

Christmas Novena day 3

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment
At which the Son of God was born
Of a most pure Virgin
At a stable at midnight in Bethlehem
In the piercing cold
At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee,
To hear my prayers and grant my desires
(mention request here).

Through Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother.

I hate being right

What was it I said the other day? About not being surprised if I were sick during my last finals of the semester? Yeah, um, yeah. I went to bed last night with my stomach not feeling great. But not terrible either. And then I woke up, and it was still there. And in a way that was reminiscent of a morning not too long ago, slightly over a month to be exact, a morning that I don't care to relive. So...that's cool. Right now I'm just ignoring it, pretending that it's not there, or at the very least that it's something else and not my darned ovary. It could turn out badly, especially if I get worse and maybe can't drive tomorrow, but I don't know what to do. Go to health services or something, hoping they won't just end up sending me to the hospital? Just wait it out? Last time I don't think they really did anything for me in the hospital, besides figure out what it was. I still have a final to worry about. I can't deal with this on top of everything.

So, ignoring it it is. As long as I sit still I can barely notice it.

argh.

How can one day seem so LOOOOOOONG?

It's currently 2:30am. I have an exam in 8 hours. And another in a little less than 14 hours. I've "studied" for one. Haven't even started on the second. Don't know much for the first. But I'm tired. I keep staying up late "studying" even though it does me no good, apparently. Don't even ask what time I went to bed "last night."

So. Do I go to bed now, making Wednesday possibly a bit better (not getting very much sleep two nights in a row and then having to wake up in time to leave at 5am after the third night won't make for a good driving situation, no matter what time I go to bed tomorrow), but probably screwing myself over for my two remaining exams (ugh I still have TWO)? Or do I yet again ignore every inch of my body and stay awake for God knows how long until I feel like I might have a passing chance on either or both of those exams? That might take quite awhile. Sigh.

I guess step one would be not writing in my blog...

Christmas Novena day 2

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment
At which the Son of God was born
Of a most pure Virgin
At a stable at midnight in Bethlehem
In the piercing cold
At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee,
To hear my prayers and grant my desires
(mention request here).

Through Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother.

I have no idea

This semester has deadened me.

Yet somehow, I'm still breathing.

It's quite within the realm of possibility that I will get two Cs on my report card this semester. Maybe even more.

And I just can't muster enough disappointment to care.

I've pulled more all-nighters and 2- and 3-hour nights of sleep (if that) in the past two weeks than any other two week period ever.

Yet somehow it's not phasing me. Sleep? Who needs it?

With any luck, in 48 hours I'll be just a few hours away from being home.

But I can't see past tomorrow, little though I may care anymore.


Someone save me.

I don't think I'm gonna make it

I can't do it. It's impossible. I have three exams left, and feel prepared for none of them. I've basically written off sign language, as I should be able to get an A- in there at least no matter how I do on the final. But Old Testament and Latin are gonna hurt. Big time. Especially Latin, as I'll probably spend much of the night tonight studying for OT. Which means Latin "studying" will have to be squeezed between whenever I finish OT (sometime after 11:45 or so, most likely) and 4:15, hopefully with nourishment of some sort in there too. And I'm irrationally angry at everyone who's already done. And everyone who didn't have six finals to take. It's not fair.

I just want to give up. I'm gonna fail them all anyway, so what's the point of trying? I just need to be home. And I need a Mom-hug.

I like to pretend I don't still have three finals to study for

I just saw a commercial for the new National Treasure movie, and it said something about "In five days" blah blah blah. And I realized that I'll be home in five days. I'll be home technically in two days, if you count right now as Monday (which I don't really) and if you forget about the fact that I'll get home at the very end of Wednesday. So really it's three days. But still. I'll be home by the time National Treasure comes out. And that makes me happy, because that's not too far from now.

And now, another boring survey, because, well, I want to.
1.You have 10 dollars and need to buy snacks at a gas station:
Some sort of coffee, a candy bar, and chips. Maybe some water.

2. If you were reincarnated as a sea creature, what would you want to be?
A sea turtle. I like turtles.

3. Whos your favorite redhead?
How can I pick just one? How about we'll go with Conan, so I don't have to pick between real people.

4. What do you order when you're at IHOP?
Usually stuffed French toast.

5. Last book you read?
Non-school book, Lion Witch and Wardrobe (currently reading Prince Caspian).

6. Describe your mood.
Blank

7. Describe the last time you were injured?
Hm...I guess you could count my ingrown toenail as injured? Otherwise, I don't really know.

8. Of all your friends, who would you want to be stuck in a well with?
Oh that's a tough one. I really honestly don't know.

9. Rock concert or symphony?
Symphony

10. What is the wallpaper of your cell phone?
A tree outside Cavanaugh when the leaves were changing and beautiful.

11. Favorite Soda?
Root Beer, lately.

12. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A sweatshirt and a nice version of a t-shirt.

13. If you could only use one form of transportation:
A horse. Ok I don't really know about that. Um...flying? Haha. As in, I fly myself. Not in a plane.

14. Most recent movie you have watched in theatres?
I believe it was August Rush.

15. Name an actor/actress/singer you have had the hots for:
I don't tend to have the hots for any of these types of people, but I do find Christian Bale to be quite...mmm.

16. Whats your favorite kind of cake?
Cheesecake is pretty good. But so is vanilla. Or the kind with like rainbow sprinkles in it. I like cake.

17. What did you have for dinner last night?
Homemade pizza.

18. Look to your left, what do you see?
A wall.

19. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No, unless I'm wearing my hiking/snow boots.

20. Favorite toy as a child?
Any number of my stuffed animals. Particularly the dog ones.

21. Do you buy your own groceries?
Sometimes, but when I buy stuff it's not usually real groceries.

22. Do you think people talk about you behind your back?
Yeah

23. Whens the last time you had gummy worms?
I've had them at some point this semester.

24. Whats your favorite fruit?
Apples are quite good, when they're good, and bananas too, and I really like fresh pineapple.

25. Do you have a picture of yourself doing a cartwheel?
I don't think I've ever done a cartwheel in my life, so I'd be very surprised if a picture of it existed.

26. Do you like running long distances?
I hate running.

27. Have you ever eaten snow?
Last night, in fact.

28. What color are your bedsheets?
Blue

29. Whats your favorite flower?
Don't really have one.

30. Do you do ballet?
Nope.

31. Do you listen to classical music?
Sometimes.

32. What is the 1st TV Theme song that pops in your head?
Depends, but I guess I'll say...Full House?

33. Do you watch Sponge bob?
Ick no

34. What temperature is it outside right now?
18 degrees, apparently.

35. Do people consider you smart?
Yeah, although I'm doing my best this semester to get people to stop thinking that.

36. How many piercings do you have?
2 -- one per ear.

37. Are you signed on AIM?
Yes. Pretty much always, except when I'm asleep.

38. Have you ever tried gluing your fingers together?
Uh...I don't think so.

39 .How do you feel about your family?
My family is pretty great.

40. Do you have an iPod?
No, and probably never will. I might at some point have an MP3 player, but who knows.

41. What time do you go to bed?
Lately it's been around 4am, if at all.

42. What CD is currently in your CD player?
Don't have a CD player.

43. What movie do you know every line to?
Hm...Ever After is definitely one. But I learn movie lines fairly quickly, so there's probably a bunch that I know the majority of lines.

44. What is your favorite salad dressing?
Ranch, I guess. But it depends.

45. What do you want for Christmas this year?
A million dollars. And some other stuff. Or maybe just...yeah. Hm. Oh, some nice stationary. I have a few different cards and things, but it gets boring sending out the same rotation of like three designs. And I have no nice notepads on which to write, when the card isn't big enough. Hm, maybe I do actually, at home, from when I was like 10...I'll have to look into that.

46. What family member/friend lives the farthest from you? Where?
Well, my little brother is currently living in Iraq, so that's pretty far.

47. Do you like hugs?
Always. Especially when tipsy, apparently.

48. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
Hm...don't know.

49. Whats the way people most often mispronounce any part of your name?
They say ah-plet instead of O-pelt. (I forgive it when people say ah-pelt because really, if you see two Ps there, ah-pelt does make sense.)

50. Last person you hugged?
Hm, I don't think I hugged anyone today. So I guess it'd be Fernando.

Christmas Novena

I'm a little late on this for today, but my mom sent it to me today and I thought I'd pass it along for anyone interested. I'd like to start putting more things of this nature on my blog, I think, to remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me and there are other things out there. Anyway. Here's the link to the novena page. It's got a special prayer for all nine days, plus a thought of the day type thing. In case anyone's interested.

Christmas Novena

Hail, and blessed be the hour and moment
At which the Son of God was born
Of a most pure Virgin
At a stable at midnight in Bethlehem
In the piercing cold
At that hour vouchsafe, I beseech Thee,
To hear my prayers and grant my desires
(mention request here).

Through Jesus Christ and His most Blessed Mother.

I'm just waiting to slip on the ice and break a bone

So, for most of the last 12 hours, I've either had the world's worst hangover, or some sort of sickness bug. A few of my friends think that my symptoms etc were a bit too extreme to be on the hangover side, but who knows. I didn't really have much more to drink last night than I've had on other occasions, although I did sort of have a lot to drink. (Definitely shouldn't have gotten that Long Island to finish the night, that's for sure.) Either way, despite throwing up this morning, and leaving work early when I thought I might again, and going and sleeping three hours, and then lying in bed another hour or so, I couldn't shake feeling horrible. And then I finally started to feel sort of ok, after having a bit of dry heaves. Mmm. And I ate some food, felt iffy some more, but now I'm finally getting better I think. I hope. It would really suck if this is a bona fide illness. But, as I told Bethany and Caitlin at dinner, it would be quite a fitting ending for the semester if I were sick for my last three finals. (Let's see what other fun illnesses and injuries I can get in before the end of the semester!) Blah. At least the dining hall is consistent in having chicken noodle soup. Pretty much all I ate at dinner was the broth from that, and a piece of toast. Man I wish the dining hall had just chicken broth. Like the chicken broth I had at the hospital, my gosh was that stuff good. I still have dreams about its goodness. Seriously, it was amazing. And I want it right now.

Anyway.

I can't believe I still have three finals left. And I haven't been functional enough to study for any today. Gar. I hope I can be productive tonight. But when has that ever worked for me? Eh oh well. A grade is a grade, and you know what? I'm still going to graduate. (Unless, ugh, I did so badly on my Trads exam that I fail that class. I don't think that's the case, since I think going into the exam I had probably around a B or B-, but I think it could be a distinct possibility...maybe...slightly...gosh I hope not.)

It did snow yesterday and last night and today. And it's quite pretty out, and I quite enjoy it. I think it's done now, but it's good enough. You know one of the differences between here and home? The snow that we got here today will still be here weeks from now, probably. Any snow we get at home is gone the next day. Or at most by the second day. Which is sad. Oh well.

50% done just doesn't have the same impact

I'm halfway done. I guess that's good. Except halfway when you had six to begin with doesn't exactly sound great. Because it's not just that Oh boy I only have three left!, it's that I already have expended lots of energy on those first three, and I still have to muster enough energy to study for and take the next three. So...boo. Oh well. It will get done. Today's went pretty well, especially considering how little I managed to study for it. I just suck. Whatever. I did better than expected on my research paper though, the one I turned in earlier this week for that class. So that's a plus. Better than expected. That sure hasn't happened much this semester. One more reason that I love that class, and Fagerberg.

I'm just a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. I have to face facts.That's right. I called myself a cotton-headed ninnymuggins.

(Man, I can't wait to see that kid again. Not to mention that other kid. The one who I could just hold all day long and be content.)

So we're supposed to get a ton of snow today and tomorrow, apparently. It's said we're supposed to get snow like every day this week, and we've gotten none, so I don't know. But today and tomorrow, there's a 100% chance of precipitation, and it's supposed to be "heavy snow." So that's sorta cool. I like snow. As long as it doesn't interfere with getting home Wednesday (and so far I think I'm still lucking out on that front, although it also looks like Christmas will be a typical 40s and sunny at home. That sucks). Anyway. If it does snow, and snow a lot (we're supposed to get something like a foot, possibly), I'll take pictures tomorrow night hopefully. We'll see.

Anyway.

I've posted a lot today. So here's one more, because my thoughts are just that interesting

Lord of the Rings is on TNT right now. The first one. I have it on, but it's weird A) watching it on full screen, and B) watching it with commercial breaks and whatnot. Well, actually, there has yet to be a commercial break, but it will be weird when it happens. I think I'll end up turning it off, because while it is around time to watch them again (I usually get around to watching them a couple times a year, but definitely at Christmas time every year), I'd rather watch it in widescreen, commercial-free, with all the extended scenes and whatnot. That's the only way I know them.

It's a Wonderful Life is on later tonight at 8. I will plan on watching that, as I've been wanting to watch it for awhile. Thing is, I don't know if I can watch the whole thing. I think I'm getting together with a couple people at 10pmish to study for the final I have tomorrow. And It's a Wonderful Life is three hours. But that means I'll have to find another time to watch it after I get home, before Christmas. They play it again on Christmas Eve, but we usually are at Mass when they play it. Anyway. I have so many Christmas movies I want to watch that I have to fit in when I get home. Tough life, I know. But there's the cartoon Christmas specials (Garfield, Rudolph, maybe Charlie Brown again -- I did manage to catch that once or twice within the last few weeks), and Mr Magoo's Christmas Carol, and Mickey Mouse Christmas Carol, and A Christmas Story, and Miracle on 34th Street, and maybe this old crappy Disney (or whatever) Christmas cartoon VHS we have with a bunch of short cartoons featuring Donald Duck, Mickey and Pluto, etc. Good times. I probably won't get around to watching all of those, but whatever.

So speaking of Rudolph, you know the song that goes "There's always tomorrow for dreams to come true"? I was all depressed-like last night, and I thought to myself, ok maybe that's true, but tomorrow never comes. Tomorrow is always a day away. Perpetually. Maybe tomorrow comes for some people, but for others, tomorrow is always just out of reach. Sigh. (Sorry. I'm just an impatient person. Character flaw I have to work on. That, and being more ready and willing to trust God. It's like, on the surface I can say that I trust in his judgment and will and all, but then down below I just don't understand why his will can't be the same as mine RIGHT NOW. wahhh whine whine whine.)

I need to smell Christmas tree. All the decorations and whatnot we might have around campus here, there aren't any real Christmas trees (as far as I know). I want that smell. It's not Christmas without that smell. (Hence why I will never be able to have a fake tree as my primary Christmas tree.)

Ok so after some seemingly futile studying attempts on my part for tomorrow's test, I think I may have officially decided that I'd rather have papers than tests. I'm no good on tests, as has been more than evident this semester. I guess I've never found a way of studying that really works well for me beyond rote memorization which is hard when it's abstract concepts and also which doesn't last very long, not to mention takes a lot of time. Now, I'm not saying that I'd rather be having 6 papers due today through next Tuesday (that would suck hard core), but...eh I don't know. I'm just glad that I only have one more semester to deal with this stuff, and next semester will be decidedly a breeze compared to this.

Four real days left, and then I'm outta here. Four days. Four days. Four days. (And woohoo, four finals! Even though I've already taken two! Love it!)

3pm is always a very tired time for me

Oh mylanta am I tired. I just got done with my Trads exam (blech--what a train wreck), and now have an hour to kill before my Theo exam. I could study for it, but it's just one essay, and we have the question for it, and I already wrote somewhat of a bare bones outline, and I don't want to work on it anymore anyway. We're supposed to include stuff, if we can, from other readings throughout the semester, and I have a few things I'll mention, but I don't feel like going back through my notes just to find more. Although, considering he wants us to write for the full two hours, maybe I should. I'm too tired, though, and I should maybe take like a half hour snooze. But then I'm afraid I wouldn't wake up, and it wouldn't make a difference anyway. Sometimes half hour naps are useful, but when you're fighting the exhaustion from a sleepless night, 30 minutes just isn't gonna do it. It's sad how good I've gotten at functioning on no sleep. And on managing to stay awake all night. It's not good. I hope to change that next semester. I know I always say that, but this is just getting ri-darn-diculous. I really wish I had a normal sleep cycle. One that allowed me to go to sleep at midnight instead of three (because even those rare nights I try to go to bed early, often I can't fall asleep for awhile). College isn't very good for a regular sleep cycle though, sadly.

I have to be awake and lucid for 7 more hours?

I'm barely awake and lucid right now. I don't want to see me after two finals in a row today...

I was taking a shower a little while ago, generally a good thing to do, and while doing so I realized something. In a few hours from now (like, seven, at most) I will be completely done with two of this semester's classes! Regardless of how I do on the finals, they'll be over, and I can let go of them. Unless, obviously, I fail Trads, because I have to take Trads to get my theo degree. And they only offer Trads I in the fall. So that wouldn't be good. But I doubt that'll happen. I mean, I don't really see how that would be possible at all. A C? A C is definitely possible. But failing? Not so much.

Also. I shouldn't be allowed to watch TLC. That is all.

Hahaha these are always funny

Aaaand...I can't find my Christmas stamps. There's a chance I may have left them at home on my desk, but I thought I brought them with me. (It'd just be dumb to leave Christmas stamps at home when I won't be there until less than a week before Christmas.) Perhaps tomorrow afternoon or something I'll do a more thorough search...although I have no idea where they'd be if they're not with the rest of my stationary, as they don't seem to be...

I give up

So, um, this essay I have to do and turn in when I take my Trads final? Yeah it's the worst thing I've ever written. I don't have a coherent thesis, or theme, or anything. It's just a hodgepodge of this example and that example strung together with some attempt to connect them and make it sound like I know what I'm talking about, and like it's something related to the topic I'm supposed to be discussing.

Not good.

At all.

But I don't care.

If I get a C in this class, so be it.

6 finals, 5 days, 4 nights of sleep, 3...eh I give up

In an attempt to lighten my own mood, I'm posting one of my all-time favorite jokes:

Two penguins are sitting on an ice floe.
One turns to the other and says, "You look like you're wearing a tuxedo."
The other says, "What makes you think I'm not?"

Every time. It makes me laugh every single time. I don't even know why.


And now, because I'm a big fan of wasting time when I have lots of things I need to be doing, here's this:

1] Who has your heart??
I'd like to say God, but I don't think I've fully gotten there yet.

2] How did you wake up this morning?
An alarm, I'm pretty sure.

3] Which is more romantic: sunrise or sunset?
I think it depends on the context.

4] Are you wearing any non clothing items?
Um...a necklace?

5] What did you do last night?
I think I did some studying of some sort. And I actually slept.

6] Who was the last person you hugged?
Hm...not sure.

9] Have you ever been on the radio?
Not as far as I remember. I have been mentioned on the radio several times, though. (Whether or not anyone else was listening to hear that is a different question.)

10] What did you drink today?
Water, coffee, vitamin water, soda (my latest favorite: Barq's Root Beer mixed with Vault energy soda. Quite good).

11] Do you like honey?
Sometimes, with some things, in moderation.

12] What's the last thing you broke?
Not sure...I did break the cover over Bethany and Julie's kitchen light two weekends ago...

13] Do you know the date?
Yes.

14] Where's the last place you went shopping, and with who,and When?
I'm pretty sure it was the Monday after Thanksgiving, at CVS, by myself. It was for thrilling items such as water and face wash cloths.

15] Did you sing at all today?
Don't think so.

16] When was the last time you cried?
Around 9pm tonight.

17] How many letters are there in your last name?
Six.

18] When did you go swimming last?
Don't even remember.

19] Do you love anyone other than family?
Sure.

21] How was your day?
By itself, I guess it was ok. Ish. I don't know.

22] Is your shirt dirty?
I think all my clothes are dirty. I was planning on doing a load before I go home, but I might just be disgusting and wait until next week. I have enough clothes that I think I can get away with it.

23] Do you live near your best friend?
Hm...depends on your definition of "live..." So...yes and no.

24] Are you a Bon Jovi fan?
Not no, but not yes either, necessarily.

25] Are you scared of snakes?
Not like I am of spiders. But I've had many more personal encounters with spiders than snakes.

26] How do you like your meat cooked?
Well done. I don't need to see blood in my food.

27] Can you play guitar?
Sorta...and I might hopefully take lessons next semester.

28] How do you walk?
Pretty quickly. And with absolutely no turnout.

29] What do you think of Fergie?
In my head, Fergie refers to Sarah Ferguson (the Duchess of York). And I have no feelings about her either way. As for the other one, I refuse to like her because she can't spell.

30] Do you read Kerrang?
Uh...no?

31] Do you believe in love?
Yes

32] Have you seen Titanic?
Yes, like 800 times!!! Ok not really. But I have seen it.

33] Did it make you cry?
I seriously doubt it.

34] What's the last TV show you watched?
Cheers. (I don't think I've seen a new episode of a TV show in a very long time. A, because of the writers strike, and B, because I don't really watch anything anymore but reruns of old shows and movies.)

35] Do you like football?
I hate football. If we're in Europe. Actually I don't even really hate soccer, but it's no football. I love football with a passion deep down in my soul. Me and football? We're tight.

36] What eye color do you like?
Any color can be nice.

37] Last place you went on a holiday?
Home?

38] What are you doing tomorrow?
Failing two of my six finals. And then studying for the third, which will also be abysmal.

39] Where were you 5 hours ago?
Here, I think, in my room. "Studying."

40] What do you think of abortion?
One of the biggest tragedies of our society and culture, which has been both a symptom and a cause of our culture's continued downfall.

41] Are you wearing socks right now?
Yes.

42] What are you wearing right now?
My favorite sweats (my love for them is unbridled), some T-shirt, and my favorite ND sweatshirt. Which I also quite love.

43] Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?
Um...Nick, I think.

44] Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
No

45] What is the last thing you purchased online?
Thankfully it's been awhile, so I don't really remember. (I have no money and therefore shouldn't be buying things, you see.)

Everyone doesn't have to be exactly like me. Just...mostly.

Sometimes, I just don't understand how other people operate. I don't mean in general, I mean specifically. Why this person does this thing, and that person that thing. Why don't they do it the way I do it, the way that just makes the most sense? It bothers me, much more than it should. Sometimes I can let things go, but sometimes, I'm just like, what the heck are you thinking?

And yes, I'm fully aware that probably 98% of the population, when having to face any sort of interaction with me, probably thinks the same about me and my own process of doing things. But I'm not 98% of the population. I'm just me. And me being me means I can't change how other people do things. I can change how I do things, but I have to have a pretty darn good reason to do so.

I really have no idea what I'm talking about.

But I do know that I'm looking forward to going home and not having to deal with people slamming their doors shut at late hours of the night. (Seriously, do people not realize that slamming doors is a bad idea normally, and especially at 12, 1, 2, 3 in the morning? Or that running down the hallway makes a lot of noise, and thus people should attempt to refrain from doing so if it's late?) Not that home is perfect, especially for someone who enjoys quiet as much as I do.

School makes me :-(

Finals Week Susie here. Sitting in a review session for one of my Tuesday exams. Seems sort of dumb, considering I have two finals tomorrow for which I need to study. And one of those requires a paper to turn in beforehand. And the other requires me getting ready to write enough to fill up the better part of two hours, apparently. I don't want to write for two hours. Whine moan complain whine.

I really wish profs didn't make finals so hard. Sometimes I think that they make them so much harder than they need to be. I mean, how hard is it at least to tell us how many questions are going to be on the final? I realize that professors want their students to work hard in their own classes and whatnot, and that they don't want to make things too easy, but would it be too much to ask that they at least let us know what to expect? And why can't I ever get one of those legendary professors who, give finals that are like ridiculously easy, or that, when you walk into the final it says to read through all instructions and then at the end, if you read through, it says just to write your name and hand it in. Or something like that. I dislike profs who expect everyone to be complete geniuses in the material they taught. We have other classes, ok? We don't have 20 hours to spend on your final alone.

I'm getting so frustrated with this. With all of it. I'm starting to go downhill, and quickly. There's a part of me that wants to be able to do well, that wants to get out of this hellhole of a semester without a C on my record (or 3 Cs), that wants to live up to the reputation of being a Notre Dame student (and the reputation of being the student I was in high school). But there's another part of me that doesn't care, that wants to give up, that is tempted to go home right now and skip all my finals because what's the point? I just feel like I can't do it. I'm not a good student anymore; maybe I never was. The review session I just attended (which is now over) made me realize how screwed I am for that final, thanks in part due to my lack of keeping up with the reading during this last month of classes. In particular this book we were supposed to read for the last two classes of the semester. In my defense, I had three essays due during the time we were supposed to read it, and we were supposed to read around 100 pages for each of the two classes, and it's quite a dense read. I knew I would be screwed not doing it, but I had other stuff to focus on. Unfortunately, although not surprisingly, my professor has based like half of the 14 potential essay questions on that one book. It's just so frustrating.

It's all so frustrating and I'm drowning. I have to do work, so desperately, and yet I can't. I sit down to study and I can't focus. I try to write and nothing comes. I don't belong here. Everyone else works so hard and studies so well and tries so hard. I've given up. I used to be able to manage ok grades in this mode (although probably not quite this level of inability). Now the grades I manage are B-, if I'm lucky. I never thought I'd have a semester in which getting out without any Cs would be considered satisfactory to me. First semester senior year of high school, I cried when I realized I was going to get a B in one of my classes. It was the first B I had gotten since I think 7th grade (and I only got one B in 7th grade, to my recollection). And now here I am, lucky to get any A-s (let alone a regular A), lucky to get away without a C of any kind.
I'm just down tonight. I just need to be home. Even though I'll still have three finals, I am so looking forward to Saturday afternoon after I finish the third of my first three. I just wish I hadn't sucked so much this semester. And I wish I had taken Latin pass/fail. Why the heck didn't I? Who takes six classes fall semester of senior year of college, only three of which matter for her degree, and doesn't take one of them pass/fail? What was I thinking?

I desperately need to do some work now. I won't, but I need to.

Susie has left the building

Attention faithful (and random) readers of this, Susie's blog. She has asked me to inform you all that she will be gone for the next few days, as her body has been taken over by Finals Week Susie. Finals Week Susie is a particularly odd creature, with tendencies toward numerous pointless posts done in an attempt to avoid all forms of study at all cost, not to mention frequent complaints about amount of work/unfairness of finals/"the world is out to get me"/"i suck at life."

Do not fear, for Christmas Break Susie will be here to replace Finals Week Susie in a week or so. Christmas Break Susie is much more fun, and tends to post less (ish).

Susie understands if you take a break from reading the lament-filled posts that will soon (as if they haven't already) fill this page.

She sure wouldn't want to read what she's about to be writing.

Just gotta survive seven more days...

You know what's interesting? I've never, really, up until this moment thought about my reading comprehension skills. And you know what I think? I think that I don't have good reading comprehension. I seem to remember often not doing well on that part of practice standardized tests and such. And sometimes, sitting in class listening to the discussion on certain readings and whatnot, I just sit there and think "Wow, they got that from the reading? That's what that meant?" I don't know. Maybe I just don't read well. Oh well.

I've also decided that I'm becoming more...pacifist. Not necessarily pacifist, but...Catholic I guess. I don't by any means believe that we should just roll over and let the bad guys kill us all, but...I don't know. It's a complicated issue. I don't think torturing people is ok. I don't think the ends justify the means. I don't think we can rate one life more important than another. The whole atomic bomb thing from WWII? What a double-edged sword. I mean, on the one hand I know that dropping it saved more lives than it cost, which is a good thing. (And there's a chance that had we not dropped it, my grandfather would have had to go into Japan to fight and thus there's a chance I wouldn't be here...like I said, it's complicated.) It's just getting harder for me to say that anyone's life is more important than another's, even if that other person is a terrorist or anything like that. Not that they should just be released and whatnot, obviously, but...I don't know. Torture is just not a good thing. None of it is. Anyway though. Ok.

I think Saltines are an underrated food. At least, I underrate them. But they're quite good. Simple. I like that.

Wow. What good segues I have between paragraphs, huh?

So I have to write a synthetic essay, 3-5 pages, for my Trads final. Half of my Trads final, really (because the other half is taking the test. Blah). I realized tonight that I don't exactly know what a synthetic essay is...so I'm just going to assume and pretend that it's just a basic essay discussing the topic we're supposed to discuss (the Christology of either Julian of Norwich -- which I'm doing -- or Anselm or Bonaventure). Hopefully that's good enough. Whatever. 3 pages (which is all I'm aiming for, right now. We'll see if I get ambitious enough to write more than that) sounds SO GOOD compared to the 10 pager I just finished yesterday. I mean, as good as a paper can sound, I guess. Blah.

Hopefully, all going as planned, in exactly a week from this moment I'll be safe in the arms of home. Hopefully at the very least I'll be in Colorado, and preferably between Denver and Colorado Springs. If I leave at 5am (a very big if, because that's early, and because I'm not good at leaving at the time I say I'll leave), we can get through Chicago before rush hour, hopefully, and then be on our way. And then, assuming it takes 18 hours (Google Maps says it's around 17), and with the two hour time change, I should be able to get home around 9pm-ish. Assuming also that we hit good weather, and that I don't have to pull over for a nap at some point. It's interesting, it's a fairly straight line between South Bend and Denver. I didn't really realize that. I mean, a really straight line would go more to Laramie, Wyoming, or a bit north of that. But yeah. Anyway. Don't know why that's worth a mention. Because it's not. So anyway, here's hoping all that goes well. And that there is no car-related trouble. Because that would just suck. Looking at it now, checking random places along the way (Des Moines, Lincoln, Denver), it looks like we might maybe get lucky and not have much weather with which to contend. So that's definitely good. But that could change, it is still a week away after all. Oh and what a week it'll be. Sigh. oh well.

You know what is the good thing about an 18 hour drive home? Not having to pack with airline restrictions in mind (ie, keeping things under 50 pounds per bag). I'm gonna take so much crap home with me. Haha. I may even take my sheets. I hate having to wash them in the machines here because it takes up an entire extra load (which is money) and even then, I'm lucky if I can fit it all in one load and have it all dry in one cycle. It's just annoying. Anyway though. It'll be nice to be able just to throw whatever in my car and go.

All righty. Time for other things.

Quick rant

Ok. I know I have a lot of pet peeves and things people do that I complain about. But seriously, is it hard to realize that when you stop in the middle of a busy walking area (near doors, at sidewalk intersections, at the entrance to the Huddle) and start talking to one or two or more people, you clog things up? I just do not understand how people don't realize this, and instead force everyone to squeeze in the .05inches on either side that the group is not taking up. People need to look at walking more like driving. If you're driving down the road and need to stop to do something, you don't just stop right there where you are. You pull off to the side so that you don't clog up the road and cause lots of traffic. The same rule should apply to walking. It seems like it's getting worse and worse, too. I'll be walking down the sidewalk on my way to class, and run into a group of chatting people. These people will often watch as everyone else tries to adjust their logical paths to get around the group, but of course it won't occur to them to move off to the side. Or even to consolidate and squish together a little more maybe to allow for a little bit more room.

It's really not that hard. People need to be more aware of the people around them. There are, surprisingly, other people in the world. And the world doesn't revolve around anyone.

Oh, unrelated. I just saw an article about the fact that the "word" w00t (those are two zeros there) is now in the Merriam-Webster dictionary. I don't think I like this. A word should not have numbers in it if it's going to be in the dictionary. It just shouldn't. Boo.

And water? It's wet!

I've come to a conclusion. Taking six classes in one semester, especially during senior year, is just a baaaaad idea. I am so far less than unmotivated, which is a problem normally, but with six classes at once, it's just compounded and made tons worse. So, thank God this semester is almost over. And that next semester I only have to worry about four classes.

Oh, and what was I thinking not taking one of my classes pass/fail? Latin would be the obvious choice this semester. Had I been taking it pass/fail this whole time, things would have been much less stressful on a week to week basis, and they'd be slightly less stressful going into finals (especially as that's my last one and I'm going to have zero motivation to study for it once I'm done with the rest). Sigh.

Live and learn, I guess.

(Check this out: Work tonight and tomorrow morning, as usual. Study tomorrow. Sign language review tomorrow night, start studying for theo of the mass. Work Thursday afternoon (one of my two finals shifts), study more. Review Thursday night for Old Testament. Study study study for trads and theo (which includes writing a 3-5 page paper and like practically reading a whole book). Take my trads and theo finals on Friday. Study study study Friday night for theo of the Mass. Take that on Saturday. And then maybe I can breathe for a few minutes. Work Sunday, study more, take sign language on Monday, study more, Old Testament and Latin on Tuesday. Then pack. And get to bed at a reasonable hour so I won't fall asleep 20 minutes into the drive home on Wednesday. Ugh. It's only a week, but it's such a busy week that it feels like it's not going to end. Ever.)

You know what I want for Christmas? Sleep. Something like 10 uninterrupted hours of glorious, stress-free, guilt-free sleep, that will leave me feeling refreshed. Who knows, maybe I'll get it.

Good rule of thumb

Dear Susie,

Next time you're planning on leaving your safely enclosed dorm for whatever weather it might be outside, make sure you actually look out the window for longer than a second before slipping your feet into those (non-waterproof) cheapo clogs, especially when it's wintertime and there's been precipitation going on fairly often recently. Yes, the clogs are comfortable and easy, but wet feet? Not so comfortable.

Do better.

Love,
Susie the Wiser

I keep thinking about how much I hate finals week

And then I have to stop, and remind myself that technically it's not even really finals week yet. I mean, it is, but it's not yet. And that makes me sad, because that's a lot more days that I have to hate. Not just ten days a year, but those ten days plus the week or two leading up to each set of five.

However. Next semester? I'll only have three classes that can potentially have finals (and then one class in which I'll just have a final paper, due sometime). And there's no guarantee that all three will have real finals. But even if they do, that's half as many finals as I have this time around. Half as many. Do you realize the fabulousness of that? (Haha, blogger spellcheck didn't yell at me for using the word fabulousness. That's weird.)

Sigh. I just want to be home already. Home in lovely Colorado. Where it probably won't snow the whole time I'm there, and will probably be 60 degrees and sunny on Christmas, while it'll be snowing here. That's the worst part about Colorado. The weather. The sun. Too much sun. Not enough clouds. Seriously, 300 days of sun a year? That's just ridiculously excessive. But whatever, I still want to be home.

(I just saw a countdown to Christmas someone had in a profile, and it said 15 days until Christmas. And I thought, that can't possibly be right! But no, it is. I'm aware of the fact that I have 9 days until I'm home, but then the fact that Christmas is only 6 short days after that barely computes. I hate that I can't really get into Christmas with school going on. Sucks. It never really feels like Christmas until I'm home. Sigh. School(work) ruins everything.)

Childhood was so simple

Did you know that when Mary 'olds your 'and, you feel so grand, your 'eart starts beatin' like a big brass band?

(Sorry. Mary Poppins is on TV tonight and I just saw a commercial for it, and now that's stuck in my head. And I'm ok with this, because I'm excited that it's on TV. Such a great movie.)

Also? Today in the Observer (school paper), someone wrote an article (he writes a lot of articles in the Scene section, I guess he's the editor for that section) comparing Bill Belichick to the Dark Lord Sauron. And basically saying that it's unfair that the Patriots have Tom Brady and Randy Moss. And it's not right that they keep winning (wahhh). And they shouldn't "run up the score." And blah blah blah. Since when does being good make a team evil? The Patriots have something to prove this season, and they're doing it. It's not their fault that certain defenses couldn't keep them from scoring touchdowns on most of their drives. Should they stop doing what works just because the other team can't keep up? If that's the case, then the NFL should have (and enforce) a mercy rule. I don't know if they do, but obviously the Patriots haven't run up the score enough to get to that point if there is one. (The fact that the writer of this article is a Jets fan probably says something, though. There is no love lost between the Jets and the Patriots. Especially this season. They play again next week, so there are predictions of a very lopsided win for the Patriots, since the Jets are the ones who started the whole camera scandal thing.) Whatever. I love my Patriots, jerks or not.

(And about that game next week: It's on CBS nationally, but I guess it depends on the region to see if you'll get it or not. What do we have here? Not the Pats/Jets. Not even any other football game. No, we have an hour of the "Nuevo Vallarta Celebrity Sports Invitational" (complete with wave runner races, beach volleyball, scavenger hunt (?), kayak races, and some golf thing. woohoo!), followed by some other crap (I don't even know what it is), and then skiing. Huh? What? WHY??? Sigh.)

Good news: I got my early Tuesday final (8am...ugh) moved to Friday afternoon. I have my 200 level theo (sorry, Fagerberg, 2000 level) final Friday at 4:15, and Trads will take place at 2. Someone else needed an alternate time too, and that's when that person is going to do it, so I'm gonna do it then too. Good stuff. Except that it means I have to have a 3-5 page paper done by then, plus studying for that exam and the one right after that (which consists of one essay question, which he gave us today, and shouldn't be too bad -- we get to take a page of notes in with us, so we can basically write out the whole outline and everything before hand. But he wants us to write for as much of the 2 hours as possible. Writing one essay for two hours is sort of ridiculous), and then thinking about Saturday's final as well. But it's ok. It's better this way than worrying about Trads on Monday or Tuesday. Much more even. I like that. I mean, I don't like anything about finals this year, but this makes it slightly better I suppose.

I don't know if I can last through next Tuesday. I really don't. But somehow, I will.

Sigh.

Well, I guess I'm mostly back up and running. Still don't have Office installed (which is bad because I have that paper due Tuesday) but hopefully that should be taken care of later tonight. It's just frustrating, having to re-set everything and get it all back the way I had it. I have control issues with some things, in that I like things the way I like them and I don't like those things to change. And this caused everything to change. At least I did get to recover all my files and whatnot (hooray for Nick Schott!!!), so that's good. But argh, it's really messing with me having it all...different. I'm not handling this well, and it's a stupid thing to get so bent out of shape about.

Sigh.

I'm trying to keep it in perspective. But the OCD part of me reallllllly doesn't like this. At all. If there are changes that are made, I like to be in charge of those changes so I'm aware of what changed. Sorry. I need to let some things go. I just...argh. I have issues.

In other news. Um...Oh, well apparently today there was a shooting at New Life, and one person was killed. So that's pretty crazy/scary.

And...oh, the Patriots won this afternoon. Pretty decisively, so that's good. Everyone hates them (which means that if/when they eventually lose, everyone will be all like "HAha your team sucks they finally got beat blah blah blah." Whatever), but boy do I love them. It's not fair that just because the team I love is actually amazingly good this year (and the Red Sox too), I get looked down on. Like I like them just because they're good. Which is just not true. Sigh. Whatever. (Oh, and, if you're in a sport, why on EARTH would you make a guarantee that you're going to beat your next opponent? One of the Steelers earlier this week guaranteed that they'd beat the Patriots today. Yeah obviously that worked out really well for them. Seriously. Just a stupid thing to say, because if you win, you win, but if you lose, you just look like an arse. Well, you look like one either way.)

Know what makes me happy? The 10 day forecast on weather.com goes until Tues the 18th right now. Which is the day before I leave for home. Which means that I'll be home fairly soon. Regardless of how terribly I do on finals and everything, it'll all be over 10 days from now. For better or worse, it'll be done. Yay!

I'm just gonna throw this out there, feel free to ignore, because no one cares: Sometimes I'm just very lonely. And there's not a whole lot anyone can do about it, I think. But I do feel very blessed that this semester, through all the crap I've had to wade through, I've managed to make a few very good friendships, friendships that have been very good for me. To say I made them this semester is somewhat misleading, however, because these are people I've known since freshman year. But this year, I've gotten closer than ever to them. And I am so glad, and happy, and lucky. So, while the boy thing may not be working out (sigh, story of my life), at least I have some good friends to keep me buoyed.

Know what's weird? I was watching something on cable the other day, and happened to notice a commercial for a contraceptive device. And the weird thing was, there was this written thing that said "See our ad in Parenting magazine." And it struck me as weird, yet, for our culture, it's not. I mean, you're flipping through this magazine about parenting, and being a parent is great and all, but why would you want to do it more than once or twice? Hey, look at this ad! Maybe we should try it, and then we can have plenty of love and money to give to our 2.2 children. (Is it still 2.2? I don't even know.) Eh whatever. Have I ever mentioned? I think I want to have at least five kids. God willing. I sort of need to find a guy first, but whatever. I mean, I had three siblings, and to me it doesn't seem like a big family but compared to a majority of my friends' families, it is. But I would have loved to have more siblings. Anyway. Whatever.

Hey, speaking of contraception, check out this ad (and there's more): Ugh. (Man, I'm so excited I decided to study Humanae Vitae for my directed readings course. Is it weird that contraception is like one of my favorite topics to discuss and read about and whatnot? I just wish I could get across the whole Theology of the Body thing to people. It really is amazing when you understand it. And Humanae Vitae is very related to Theology of the Body. I think it influenced John Paul II very much and that's why he did the Theo of the Body lectures for those four or however many years it was. Good stuff.)

One more, and then I'll leave everyone alone. Last night, I was prepared to go to sleep around 12:00 or 12:30. What time did I actually finally fall asleep, you ask? 3 or 3:30. That's right. I was excited at the prospect of 9 hours of sleep, and 9 hours before getting up for the 10am Mass, no less. But instead I got like 6, if that. Made me quite sad. Too much thinking going on last night, I guess. Eventually I had to give up and write it all down. I love writing, because it helps empty my head, and it's so soothing sometimes. Except those times it makes me think even more. Hm. Anyway. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have easy access to a diary, or to this. Or both. Because I certainly don't tend to duplicate what I write in there and what I write on here. (Something for which any reader of this should be quite thankful.)

Paper? Maybe? Ugh.

Guess What???

I'm back in the computer lab. Because my computer's back to being broken. But not broken in a "I can't even get it to turn on" sort of way like before, but broken in a "It turns on and Windows even seems to load up before the entire screen just goes BLACK" sort of way. Which means, I'm hoping, the new hard drive that I haven't put in yet will fix the problem. I don't know if this complicates the saving stuff from my old hard drive, though. I surely hope not because that may or may not cause me to go a little bat-crazy. Not to mention the fact that, because I'm dumb and don't learn, I didn't save whatever work I've done since getting my laptop back onto something that's more stable than just my computer. Meaning I sure hope I can get that stuff back because if not, it means starting all over on the research paper due Tuesday. Which means Susie would not be a happy camper. So. Let's hope that horrible things are not going to happen, I'll get the new hard drive in, and I'll be able to recover everything from the old one. I'd be very sad if I can't get that stuff back. I haven't saved any pictures onto a CD since fall break, and I've taken a lot since fall break.

Sigh.

I'm sick of this.

Sometimes I wish I were more naive about stuff

Sometimes I really hate where our society has gone. And by sometimes, I think I mean often. But it's irritating, watching old Christmas specials, hearing an innocent line that would get snickered at today. Like, I watched part of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" (I think that's what it's called) last night. And there's one line that maybe I just ruin with my corrupted mind (my friends in middle school did me no favors on that account), but at one point Santa (I guess it's before he's like officially "Santa" or something, I didn't watch the whole thing so I don't know what happens) tells this woman to tell the children to keep their doors unlocked tonight so he can get in. And, like, it's not really a bad line or anything, but if a grown man said that today, it'd be considered creepy, I'm sure. Although I guess you could argue that the whole Santa concept is creepy, that line definitely would be. But whatever. I guess times were more innocent back then.

Speaking of innocent, did I ever post this picture?

Seriously, how cute is that kid? I mean, dude.

Anyway.

Fa la la la la

Last night I was going to go to bed early. Getting far less sleep than necessary during the week does that to a person. I should have, and I wish I had. But of course, this is college, and this is me, so I stayed up far later than I wanted to. (Not that I wasn't having fun, but whatever.) And then I came back to my room, and I turned on Josh Groban for a little while, and then I decided to put up (finally) the few Christmas decorations that I have. Which consist of a borrowed extra string of Christmas lights, some strands of silver and gold garland, and these two foamy hangy things my Mom made a few years back. One is Santa and one's a cross with some holly on it. Nothing too spectacular, and nowhere near as cool as next door's decorations, but it was fun. Especially doing it with the background music of Josh Groban singing Christmas songs.

I can't wait to get home and help with doing Christmas decorations there (unless my mom gets inspired and does it before I'm home, but I don't think that's really happened since I've been at college, at least not with the tree -- and I'm sure that's at least partly due to the fact that I would be rather sad if the tree was decorated without me. Although, I must admit, I wouldn't be terribly broken up to come home to a fully Christmas-decorated house. Just because it's so much more homey to walk into that, instead of the boringness of places without Christmas decorations).

Haven't done one of these in awhile

Where did you begin 2007?
At Ursula's house

What was your status by Valentine's Day
Same as it always is

Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Yes

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes, for the first time ever

Did you have any encounters with the police?
I do not believe so

Where did you go on vacation?
Didn't

What did you purchase that was over $500?
Um...school? Loans for school?

Did you know anybody who got married?
I think so, a couple acquaintances maybe

Did you know anybody who passed away?
Sort of, and yes if you count my cat

Did you move anywhere?
Just the same as usual, to and from the dorms and stuff

What sporting events did you attend?
9 Notre Dame football games, a few ND men's soccer games, and...that's about it I guess

What concerts/shows did you go to?
Nothing too exciting

Describe your birthday:
It was a pretty good time

What has been your favorite moment(s)?
Difficult to decide on a best moment

Any new additions to your family?
My porker of a nephew

Favorite month...
February was pretty good, I think

Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Julie or Katherine, probably. Or Bethany or Nick.

Made new friends?
A few

Favorite Night out?
The Backer a month or so ago, I think

Overall, how would you rate this year?
I'd say it's been pretty satisfactory

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Well, counting school as home too, then...the Backer. haha.

Change your hairstyle?
I got it cut pretty short (for me) in January, but nothing too drastic

Have any car accidents?
No

How old did you turn this year?
22

Do you have a New Year's resolution?
Yeah

Do anything embarrassing?
haha, it's me. What do you think?

Buy anything new from eBay?
I don't think so

Get married or divorced?
Yes, both

Get arrested?
Not that I'm aware

Be honest - did you watch American Idol?
Nope

Did you get sick this year?
Like 18 times

Been snowboarding?
Nuh-uh

Are you happy to see 2007 go?
I'm happy to see this semester go, that's for sure. Hopefully 2008 will bring good things, even if leaving here is inevitably going to happen in 2008.

Been naughty or nice?
Sure.

It'd be nice to be devoted to something that's not technology-related...

I often wish I were better-versed in Catholic culture. Like, old-school devotion to saints and whatnot culture. Specifically with regard to novenas. Sometimes I'll read a blog and the author discusses starting a novena that day because it's the feast of so and so and you say it from here until there. My problem is, I will stumble across these not on the day you're supposed to start, but afterward, so I can't like jump in and join. I mean, I don't really know what the belief is on novenas, but I don't know that they'd..."count" (and that makes it sound weird and superstitious, I realize) if I join in late. I don't know. Anyway. I just wish that my family had done more of the fun Catholic things that are out there. This isn't a slight on my parents or anything, it's just what it is. Maybe we used to do more stuff and I just don't remember it. Maybe when I have my own family, I'll do stuff like that. I really wish I had a stronger devotion to a few saints. Or any at all. Because I don't really, and I think it's a really awesome part of Catholic culture. A supplement, not at all a replacement of a relationship with God, obviously. (A relationship that I really am in desperate need of repairing. I'm trying to work on it, though not hard enough. Gotta start somewhere, right? Just like my plan to lose weight, which I have yet to attempt, will have to start somewhere. To get good results you need to work hard at things sometimes. I hate working hard, but I'm realizing I hate what happens when I don't.)

But especially because it's Advent, a particularly lovely time in the liturgical year, and there are lots of cool Advent traditions people do (not to mention St Nick stuff -- they didn't tell us to put out our shoes this year, as they have every other year I've been here, so I didn't get anything today, sadly. Oh but then Katie's mom sent stuff for like all her friends! A little bit of candy and a Christmas pillowcase! That was pretty awesome), and we never really did any of that stuff. We did do some things, I guess, but yeah. Anyway. I love Advent. It's so...Christmas-y. hehe. It's just very...warm and comforting and inviting, I guess, in my head. Man, I love being Catholic.

Speaking of Christmas (huh?), it wouldn't be Christmastime without listening to this lovely CD:
(man, what a border around that picture!) I used to listen to the tape version at night to put myself to sleep during Christmastime, and I remember often having to turn it over when one side finished (remember those days?). The first side ended with Still, Still, Still -- a very soothing and calming song, which would then be followed by a few seconds of silence and the the sound of the tape player stopping. And then the next side started with Lo, How a Rose E'er Blooming. Gosh those were some good days. Good times. Man do I love this CD. It's so comforting to listen to. Words can't express. (I also used to enjoy listening to this tape, although I don't think it was the book/tape version, and that cover art doesn't look familiar. But I think that's what it was. Man I wish I could find that tape. What a trip down memory lane that would be. Did anyone else have any of the Wee Sing stuff? I know we had at least a couple of their things. Including an interesting video in which a brother and sister go into the magical world of their stuffed animals, which become adult-sized and alive. Man that'd be fun to watch too. Haha. I love reliving my childhood, so far removed from it I am.)

Anyway. Why do I keep blogging? I have no motivation to finish my homework for tomorrow. In my head the stuff I have to do for tomorrow somehow doesn't count for anything. Unfortunately, it definitely does, but whatever.

Ok back to it now.

Fixed laptop = using my keyboard = me typing A LOT

Apparently it's the semi-annual student appreciation days at the bookstore today and tomorrow. Meaning that we get 20% off of everything those two days (although perhaps not textbooks...but I never try to buy textbooks there if I can help it, and definitely not at the end of the semester, so I don't really know). I always look forward to those days because, let's face it, I have an addiction to all things Notre Dame. If I could afford it, I would totally have one of those ND-themed houses, or at least a room. ND monograms all over the place. So I tend to go to the bookstore and buy at least a few things and spend more money than I ought to, since the bookstore is always ridiculously overpriced, even after taking off 20%.

So I was going to do that again this semester. Maybe buy a few things for people for Christmas or something (although I'm pretty sure no one really cares about ND that much. I think they just pretend to because I'm obviously sort of into it). And a part of me still wants to, because there's a few things I'd like to get for people. But here's another fact: I don't need that stuff. I don't need to buy it. And most especially, I have around $130 to my name, and that's not counting the credit card bill I have yet to pay off. I haven't really spent a whole lot more this semester than in general, although perhaps a bit because of the two away games we went to, but the thing is, I didn't accrue any money over the summer with a job. And now I'm paying for it. So this is why I'm seriously considering going to a department store when I get home and seeing if they want more help for like three weeks. Obviously I don't want to, obviously I'd prefer three full weeks of sleeping in, sitting around, doing...whatever I would do, but I also hate having less than no money. I'm typically pretty frugal, but I'm realizing lately that I do tend to buy things I really don't need to buy, and so I'm trying to put a stop to that more often now. Especially considering it is Christmas soon, and I don't know how I'm going to manage presents for my family. We had discussed previously doing like a secret Santa thing within the family (although maybe not secret, I don't really know), because none of us are exactly rolling in the dough (with the exception of the one in Iraq, possibly, as he has nothing to spend money on and just keeps getting paid and stuff), but I don't know what happened with that. So yeah. Anyway. Sigh.


Ok, so it's a little after 10 pm now, and I just woke up from a nap that I started at 8. I set my phone alarm for 9pm, yet somehow...I don't know what happened there. It must have gone off and I just hit off instead of snooze or something. Good thing I eventually woke up though, because if I had slept until morning, I would have been quite well-rested, but also somewhat screwed as I have yet to start my homework for tomorrow. Although at this point I barely care about the grade I get on my last Latin test, or on my last outline. Because who cares? I don't care about my grades much anymore. I have hit the breaking point, and there's no going back. And I'm ok with it. Hey, my parents love me, if I don't get a job or anything because I sucked it up this semester, I can just live with them forever. Someone's gonna need to take care of them when they're old, right? Might as well be me, their spinster unemployable loser of a daughter.

I was listening to Christmas music the other day, using AccuRadio, and my friend walked by and asked what I was listening to. So I told her it was their Holiday station, and she got confused, and then we decided it's weird to call a Christmas music station a "Holiday music station" when there pretty much aren't any songs played during this time that have anything to do the other "holidays" that people talk about that force everyone to saying "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas. I mean, there aren't really Hanukkah songs, and there definitely aren't Kwanzaa songs, and there aren't even really any New Year's songs. So...yeah. I mean, obviously a lot of "Christmas" songs don't even mention Christmas, but if you play Jingle Bells at any other time of the year, people will ask what you're doing listening to Christmas music. Anyway.

Exciting news! They finally have registration up for the March for Life! And they're doing three different trip lengths: 4 days, which leaves Friday night and gets back Wednesday morning; 3 days, which leaves Saturday night and gets back Wednesday morning; and one day, which leaves Monday night and gets back Wednesday morning. This is very good news to me. I didn't really want to do just the 1 day trip, but I also am doing a one credit thing that requires me to attend a conference the weekend before the March for Life, so Friday night and all day Saturday until 5pm. If they just had two trips and the longer one left Friday, I'd have to decide between that and dropping the one credit thing (and finding another credit somewhere else, which would be annoying), but this way I can do both a longer trip and the conference! I'm rather excited. The plan for the 3 day trip is to get there Sunday morning (after what is always a restful night spent on a bus), and go to Mass and whatnot that day (I forget if they have other stuff planned for then) and Monday is a free day to sightsee, and then Tuesday is the March. Man I'm so excited! I mean, it's like $75 which I don't really have, but who knows when I'll have another opportunity to go. It'd cost a lot more than that to go from Colorado. So anyway. Yay.

I haven't had signs of conjunctivitis for almost a week now, I think. I'm still wearing my glasses though. I didn't want to put in new contacts just to have it flare up again. But the past few days, I've gotten really irritated wearing my glasses, and I think to myself "I'm going to put in contacts when I get back" and then I don't. Maybe I'll remember to do that tomorrow morning.

I went to confession this afternoon. I typically like going to confession, because it's such an amazing sacrament (and so misunderstood, I think), but there are times when I'm so reluctant to do so. Mostly the times that I need to the most. You know how it is. Anyway, I finally went today, because I knew I wanted to go before Mass tomorrow. (Saturday is an HDO, and the Basilica is having a vigil Mass tomorrow at 5:15 which I'm going to because, well, I love the Basilica.) I hadn't gotten communion in a few weeks, partially due to the fact that there were a couple weeks in there that I didn't go to Mass. Anyway. So I'm excited for Mass tomorrow. Oh and know what else? When we went in the Basilica today (I went with a couple friends), there was a group of people from the lit choir who were practicing like beautiful Latin songs (I guess probably Gregorian chant, maybe? I don't really know) for some reason. And sitting in the Basilica before and after I confessed, I was like, this is what church should be like. The beautiful music (how on earth people ever decided that Haugen and that genre was better than Latin and chant, I will never ever understand), the gorgeous church (against which every church I ever attend will be judged), the way the sound echoes in there, the wooden pews, the ever-clinging scent of incense, all of it. I don't know how I'm going to bear being separated from being able to experience at least a lot of that almost every week. I may or may not start going to Holy Ghost in Denver. We'll see.

I just turned on KKLI.com to listen to Christmas music, partially because the song "Believe" by Josh Groban was in my head, and not two or three songs later, guess what comes on? Silent Night. haha just kidding, it was Believe. Good stuff. I don't have that anywhere on my computer because it's not on his Christmas CD (I think he should have put that and O Holy Night on there just to make it the full package), and I just don't have it anywhere. I forget why I have O Holy Night, I might have downloaded it back in high school before it was all "illegal" and whatnot. Did you know that his version of O Holy Night is how I fell in love with him? I sort of forgot about that until now. I had heard his songs before, or at least "To Where You Are" which was his first hit I guess, but that was it. And then Christmas of junior year, I was driving my friend Cathy home and we had the radio on, and O Holy Night came on. She was a fan of his at that point and had his CD, I think, but I'm pretty sure that I hadn't gotten into him yet. Anyway. I heard that and fell in love, and then spent most of Christmas break listening to his CD on his website (at that point in time, his website allowed you to play the whole CD, which is weird but I surely didn't complain). And then right after we went back to school for second semester, Grandmom died. That night I went and bought his CD so I could listen to it on the plane and whatnot the next day. It was a very comforting CD to have in a very difficult time. Anyway. Hm I had forgotten about a lot of that.

Anyway.

I'm really turning into my mom. I cry at everything these days. Occasionally I watch "A Baby Story" on TLC (yeah, yeah, shut up), and without fail, every time the baby finally comes out, I tear up a little bit. It's such an amazing thing. And then just now, I was listening to Delilah, and some woman called and shared a story about her mother on Christmas one year, and it was sweet, and I teared a little bit when the woman started to do so while telling the story. Oh well.

Why am I listening to KKLI when I've been wanting to listen to my Christmas music for two weeks now? Let's remedy that. Ahhh, that's better. There are a few Christmas songs I love that I don't have (Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's Colorado Christmas, and the A Strings version of Jingle Bells. And I have no idea who the A Strings are, but they have a version of Jingle Bells that makes me indescribably happy), but I'd rather not sit through hours of like crappy versions of Christmas songs just on the off-chance I might hear one of those. Yay for my music!

Man I am in such a better mood tonight than I have been in quite awhile. Am I that addicted to my own computer? Or is it the fact that a lot of my recent stress is now done? For now anyway. Either way, I'll take it. 12 days, people. But ugh, though I might feel happy right now, I have a raging headache. I took three Excedrin awhile ago, and I don't think they did anything for me. I'm so tempted not to bother even studying for Latin tomorrow, since I always suck it up anyway. I can't do that though. I gotta finish strong! I won't, but whatever. That final's gonna suck. They're all gonna suck. My first two shouldn't be bad, and sign language probably won't be bad either (although I haven't committed any of the vocab to memory since our midterm, pretty much, and even then it was spotty), but the last three? Ugh. It's interesting though, on one level I'm sort of freaking out about them, but on another, I'm thinking "Why do I even care? The world won't end if I study as well as I can without killing myself and still end up with less than stellar grades." And I like that. I obviously would prefer not to get a C this semester or anything (a distinct possibility, possibly, maybe, in one or two of my classes), but hopefully that won't happen...although...it might. I hadn't really realized until just now what a possibility that outcome actually is. Oh well. What happens will happen, and life will go on. We've all gotta experience a C at some point, right? Ok I guess we don't, but oh well.

So, shoot, I just realized something. I'm going to have to re-install or whatever all the programs and stuff I have on here. Not a huge deal mostly (although I think that means I'm probably going to lose my background thing, that CD of Colorado pictures I bought in August or whenever, which is sad because my mom stole it from me and never gave it back and thus I don't have it here which means no pretty winter Colorado backgrounds until I'm home again), except...I don't know if I have Microsoft Office. I must though, right? I just can't remember if I had my own that came with the laptop, or if I used one we had...no, my laptop must have come with one. Ok. Hopefully that's the case. Anyway. Nevermind.

Ok before I think of anything else to make this post even longer (look at it! How did anyone read this whole thing? Maybe no one did. Good for you if you didn't), I'm going to click "Publish Post" and stop coming back here to add things.

Guess where I am?

On my own laptop! Oh how I've missed this huge brick of a computer. Looks like it's mostly fixed, but my hard drive apparently has errors on it (but I guess in places where I don't have stuff stored, because I've never had any problems with it or anything), so they're sending a new one of those. So I have to get my stuff transferred somehow, but that shouldn't be too hard, and hopefully it won't be too expensive. But man, I'm so happy to have my own computer back. Even if I did sort of want to get a new one (and really, still do), because this one is so huge and big and heavy and the power cord! It's so big! But whatever. It's been good enough for the last three and a half years, I guess it'll be fine for the next semester at least. Or however long until I get a new one. But man, I practically have a new (or at least newly refurbished) computer inside my computer. New memory, new CPU, new touch pad, new power cord, new motherboard, and now new hard drive too, once that comes. I feel like there's a whole new keyboard on here too, but I think that's just because I haven't typed on this in like two weeks. And I've been using lots of different ones. Ew. But I know this one is still the same because a bunch of the letters are partially worn off. I like my keyboard so so much.

Oh, technology.

(Edit: I've since thought of something that they didn't replace that I really wish they had: the battery. Alas, I still have my original, now lasts for a whole 20 minutes when not plugged in battery. Ah well.)

So much better than hot

Today is one of the days when I can't help but get the song "Baby it's Cold Outside" stuck in my head when walking around. Because man, it's chilly out there. I just checked and it said it's 10 degrees and feels like one. Walking back from class an hour or so ago, man. It was cold. I'll take it, though.

I'm about to take a nap. I have a feeling as soon as I fall asleep the computer guy's gonna call. Sigh. Whatever.

So apparently there was a shooting in a mall yesterday, and the killer left a suicide note saying "Now I'll be famous." And of course the news people are reporting it all like crazy, and in the process, they're making that guy famous. Do they not get it? Do they not understand that they're perpetuating this cycle by find out about everything little thing this guy ever did, same as they do anytime there's some mass shooting like that? I mean, you can't ignore the person, but there's such a thing as going overboard. Or just giving the necessary details. Do we really need to know all the ins and outs of these people? Eh anyway.

Ok yes. Naptime now.

I was going to talk about something

Alas, I forget now what it was. I could talk about the fact that the computer guy called me this afternoon and said that he wouldn't be able to come over here until "late," which he didn't sound like he wanted to do and wouldn't have worked anyway because I had my 6:30pm class. Which means therefore that my computer still isn't fixed, and I'm still frustrated by the situation. Honestly, wouldn't you expect that after all this crap, he'd sort of put me priority on his list? He's going to "try" to come tomorrow morning, because I have that chunk of time between classes, but who knows. Maybe he'll just flake out again. (I feel bad, because he was sick last week and then his mother in law died, but I mean, neither of those things should really be my problem. They should have worked out a system so I didn't have to end up waiting a week longer than necessary to get this all fixed. Caitlin's laptop died Sunday or something, and she got a call from a different Dell guy (different than the one that's been doing mine) Tuesday and they scheduled a specific time that he'd be there, and he was, and he fixed it, and she's up and running again lickety split. It's just ridiculous that this keeps happening to me. Boooooooo. Especially because now it's going to interfere with my Thursday morning naptime. I love that nap. And I could definitely use it this week.

So I finally got to talk with the prof I want to work with for the directed readings course. Here's the kicker: He's apparently somewhat busy next semester, so the only day that he'd really be able to meet with me each week is Friday. In the mornings. 10am, which isn't terrible, but still. I still think I'm gonna do it though. It's not like it's a real class I have to go to or anything, after all. But yeah. Oh well.

I had decided that I wanted to be Christmasy today, because I knew I was gonna feel like carp. Carpy carp carp. I won't tell you how many hours of sleep I've gotten over the past two nights, but it's been maybe 3. If I'm generous. Haha. I suck at life, I know. Whatever. So I wore my new Christmas long sleeved shirt (it's awesome! It says "Cheers!" with three alcoholic drinks embroidered above -- a champagne, a martini, and a glass of wine, and they're colored Christmas colors, and it's cool), and I wore my jingle bell earrings because there are little felt-like balls sewn onto the shirt "in" the drinks, and the jingle bells looked good with that. And then to top it off, I wore the one pair of fun socks I have, these green Christmas socks with Santa on the ankle. I love them! Anyway. That sort of kept me sane today. Simple pleasures, I guess.

And now, I must head to bed. Or soon. I'm a bit tired, you see. Surprising, I know. I wish I didn't still have another paper to write. At least I have until Tuesday. But still. Sigh. Whatever. Sleep first.

I just want sleep :-(

You know what makes a sleepless, work-filled night just so much better? Having a bunch of things to print off, including two finished assignments and research pages to help with the third unfinished assignment, only to find that, woohoo, none of the three printers in Lafortune are working! Yay! I guess it's not a huge deal, but it's rahter inconvenient and very annoying. As is everything these days.

I was quite happy to walk outside into semi-blizzard-like conditions though. A couple inches on the ground, a bit slippery for my crappy worn out $7 clogs, and snow falling and blowing all over. Won't hear any complaints for me about that.

Everything else? That's a different story. Ugh the prospect of today is made so much worse by the fact that I have to end it with sign language tonight. If it were just work and then my three classes, that'd be one thing. I could come back here and take a nap, for one, after the three classes. Instead, when my body's going to fight me hard for still being awake, I'm going to have to sit through two hours of sign language. The only good thing about it is that it's the last one. And that's a very good thing.

I almost managed to talk about something else...

It finally really snowed tonight. It had just started when we left to walk back from dinner, and then hours later when I went outside to go to work, there was a good inch or two on the ground. I have no idea what it's like now as I haven't been outside since going to work at 11. And that was...almost 4 hours ago. Ugh. All I know is, the major North vs South Quad snowball fight occurred. Or at least, the first of the year. Sad that I missed it. Not that I'd have anyone to play in the snow with. None of my friends are cool enough for that.

Know what's interesting? When I'm seriously sleep deprived, as in I get less than 3 hours of sleep in a night, my skin gets all weird. Not exactly dry, but not normal. It's like that today. And it'll be even worse tomorrow. Oh man oh man oh man tomorrow's going to be wretched. Work 9-11, after what will maybe be some sleep but it's not looking promising (I know, get off the damn blog already, right?), class 12:50-4:15 as usual, computer guy coming AGAIN at some point after that, hopefully not too much later after that because then I have class at 6:30-8:30. And then after that I can sort of breathe again for a few minutes, and maybe get something of a good night's sleep (as much as is possible when I have an 8am class the next day), because I did get an extension on the paper due Thursday. Or else that'd be a third night in a row with nowhere near enough sleep, if any. And that's when I start to hallucinate. So, yay extension (especially since the computer didn't get fixed today and therefore I still don't have access to whatever I've done on that paper so far). If I didn't have a stupid Wilken outline to do tonight, I might have gotten at least an hour or two, maybe. I really have no idea how long it'll take me to finish up that sign language paper. I guess it depends on how long I want it to be. Do I want to aim for the 7 pages, or be satisfied with having over 2000 words? I think I'm probably going to end up going with the latter. Chances are she'll barely read them anyway, if at all. As long as they look like they fulfilled the requirement, and are in on time, I think that's all she cares about. Which sort of makes writing the paper annoying, because it sort of feels like a waste of time. Although it's better than having her read over them carefully and grading them and whatnot, because that usually doesn't lead to good things for me.

Anyway.

The sound of someone snoring grates on me like very few other things. Especially when it's while I'm trying to sleep, or when it's while I'm trying to concentrate on an annoying assignment. Like right now. Who falls asleep in the computer cluster, anyway?

Man all of a sudden today I'm so homesick. I just want to be home now already. Although I gotta say, the weather here is a lot more preferable to there, but that's often the case in the winter. Stupid 300-days-of-sun-a-year Colorado Springs. (I will say, though, that I hope the weather our entire drive from here to there takes more after the Colorado Springs model than the here model. But once I'm home, all bets are off.)

Tooooooo much left to do. It's so not worth all this. Definitely not worth the lack of sleep I'm getting. But it has to be done, even if I'm not doing it well (because man, I'm not).

I like the idea of 2000 words better than 7 pages

So last night, when I exported my paper from google docs to Word, it was around four pages and 1700 words. Not enough pages, sadly, but I still had some more I was going to write anyway. I just wanted to see where I was. But then I noticed the number of words, and I stopped for a second. On the paper where our assignment for the Sign Language paper is written out, it says it needs to be "approximately 1500-2000 words; 7-10 pages." Clearly, those two values do not compute at all if 1700 words is 4 pages. And not even a full 4 pages (and why it took me so long to get 4 pages on that paper, I have no idea. I felt like I'd been writing all night, but apparently I was mistaken. I didn't even have 4 full pages and it needed to be at least 5). It's been awhile since I've written a paper with a word goal as opposed to a paper goal. Last week, someone asked her about it, to see which one she preferred more (the 1500-2000 words, or the 7-10 pages), and she sort of gave one of those "However long you need" answers. I hate those. But the thing is, I don't think she cares all that much. She just wants us to have researched something, learned about it, told her about it, and told her about what we learned about it. That sort of thing. As long as we have something, and it's a decent length, and there are sources, I really can't imagine her caring. The syllabus says that as long as everything's done and semi-satisfactorily and whatnot, we get full credit. So...yeah. But that still means I have to type it out and whatnot, which I realized last night will be quite a task for me today. Plus a Wilken chapter outline. Ugh. And Latin. The Latin homework never ends. Ever. Sleep? Not so much tonight. "No sleep for you!"

Thankfully I work two hours tonight, and two more tomorrow morning, so you know, that's cool. (I wish I could say this is my last time doing that, but I'm pretty sure we have to work our regular shifts during study days, which means I get to do the 8 hour turnaround one more time. And man does it suck that we only get two days of study days between the end of classes and the beginning of finals. We normally get four, and that's so much nicer, I can't even explain.) And also thankfully I didn't get much sleep last night, trying to finish up that other paper (I cannot believe how long it took me, seriously. I don't even know how that happened) plus regular homework. Regular homework should just be banned this week and next. Yet somehow teachers think it a good idea to assign what seems like even more than usual. How is it possible that some just don't get it? I'd probably be a terrible teacher, because during the week or two before finals, I don't think I'd assign anything. And if there were a paper due during that period, especially one more than 5 pages, I don't think I'd make that be in addition to a final. Because that's the thing. If these papers, or at least one or two of them, were all I had to worry about for these classes for the rest of the semester, I'd be so much more ok with it. But no. It's these, plus a regular final. It's just not right, people.

Sigh.

And seriously, that paper? Once I had written all I could think to write, I was still (where I am now) right at five full pages. The assignment says at least five pages, so technically I'm good, but it'd be nice to have a little bit more, you know? But I feel like I worked on it all.night.long, and have very little to show for that, and I don't know what else to add, and I said all I wanted to say, and I just...yeah. I don't want to get a B or B+ or anything like that in a stupid 200 level theo class, but I also have lots else to do, so I guess I should give up at this point and move on. I'm too exhausted and burned out at this point to be working for grades anymore. I'm just working to survive and get it all done. I don't even care. It's not like I'm trying for anything great after graduation anyway. Screw it all.

You know, I can't remember the last time I got seven good night's sleep in a row. I'm lucky if I get three in a week, usually. Of course, 8am classes don't really help. Thank God there's no more of those after next week. And thank God that in two weeks, I'll be almost on my way home, and then I'll have almost a month of nothing to do but sleep. Mmm.

The lone potential good about today

I just saw on Monday Night Football (which, yes, I'm watching -- the Patriots are playing and I haven't gotten to see much of their past few games) that the Patriots are last in the number of possessions they've had, but first in the number of touchdowns. They've had 102 possessions, and have scored 51 touchdowns. That's 50% of their possessions. Average for the NFL? 20%. So, you know, that's cool.

I sure hope that the Pats look better this week than they did last week. I could use that bit of happiness today, this week, etc.

Argh. Watson should have just caught a TD, but he dropped it. He's one of my fantasy players. I need lots of points this week.

As is the Patriots defense, who just allowed a TD. Man. This game isn't going to be good, I think. Of course. Because why should there be anything good about this week for me? (And off goes the TV. I'm not that much of a masochist. Maybe if I weren't swamped this week, but I am.)

EDIT: So, it's a couple hours later or something. I have actually gotten a good chunk of the paper done, and some more research on the second paper of the week. I've been occasionally checking the game, turning on the TV for just a few seconds at a time and whatnot. I hadn't turned it on in a while, and I went over to Lafortune just a few minutes ago to print off a few pages of research and whatnot (and to indulge myself in a scoop of Birthday Cake ice cream, yummy yum yum) and I noticed the game on in the Burger King sitting area, and that it was the 4th with a minute something left, the Patriots with the ball. I only watched a few plays because I thought they had gone for it on a 4th and short and missed, and thus the game would be essentially over because they were down 24-20, but then I turned it on when I got back to my room and they still had the ball. Anyway. They scored on that possession to make it 27-24, and now Baltimore has the ball with 8 seconds left now (they've had it since...like 40 some second). Oh God, Baltimore QB made a hail mary, oh God, that was so close. His receiver caught it in traffic like just short of the goal line, but our guys were there and dragged him down before he could turn and run, and the game ended. Oh man that was close. What a crappy game. At least we won. Geez, Patriots. They can't play like that against the Steelers next week, that's for dang sure. I mean, losing one game isn't going to kill anyone (as long as they do it before the post season and playoffs and whatnot), but it sure would be sweet to have an undefeated season.

Ok. Back to the grindstone. I have no idea how long this paper is because I'm writing it in Google docs, so it's just like writing in here -- it's not double spaced and there's no page breaks. Soon I'm going to export it to Word just to see. I still have stuff to write though. It's a lot different than the way I normally write my papers, which usually involves my boring introduction, then like two paragraphs per point maybe (because this is a 5pager at least), and then the conclusion. Basically the 5 paragraph paper format that was drilled into us for so long in middle school and whatnot. But this time, it's a lot less formally organized than that, and the paragraphs are shorter, and it's just different. Hopefully it's not a bad different, because I don't really feel like editing it much. And I know that teachers in college don't really necessarily want or expect that five paragraph format, but it's what I'm so used to, with perhaps slight variations. But anyway. Ok.

Woohoo! Oh, wait

I expected to be woken up early-ish this morning by the computer guy calling to schedule some time to come by today. I was slightly surprised when I realized, after my alarm woke me up, that I hadn't gotten that early morning call. And I figured it didn't mean good things for me or my computer would happen today. So after lunch, I made some calls. I called the guy who had called and left a message Friday afternoon, who I had previously called back and left a message myself but then who had never gotten back to me. Dead end there, as I just got the answering machine again. So then I called the guy who had actually come and attempted to fix my computer last Wednesday, who told me that he had been sick Thursday and Friday and that his mother in law died Friday so he was leaving today or something like that, and then he gave me the number of the guy who was supposed to be handling my case. So then I called that guy, who at first said "Oh, he's mistaken" but then asked me if I was Susie and then he seemed to be ok with the situation, and said that he'd call me back in a little while to schedule a time for someone to come by tomorrow. Eventually we talked again and someone, not sure who, will be coming tomorrow between 3:30-5. Hopefully. But the thing is, who knows if it'll work? Because when he put the motherboard in last week and it still didn't work, he and the guy he was talking to on the phone didn't know why. They just ended up ordering a bunch of stuff I guess just to try them out and see. I mean, sure, it might work, and obviously hopefully it will, but I'm not going to be optimistic about this computer and the situation anymore. It should have been fixed a week ago, so, you know, yeah. But hey, at worst I guess I'll get a new computer? I wonder if anyone would have ever called me had I not called. Doesn't exactly make me entirely confident in the whole Dell come-to-you process. If I could have just taken this to like Best Buy or somewhere last week and sent the bill to Dell, that would have been so much nicer and easier and faster.

Anyway. I know things could be a lot worse than they are, but I'm a bit of an OCD person and I think that's partially why this is bothering me so much. I have things the way I like them on my computer, I have my system, and it's being seriously messed with right now. Plus there's the fact that I have stuff written on my laptop for the research paper due Thursday (which I'm going to try to get an extension for). And everything's just hitting me this week. All this stuff. And the fact that I have no plans or prospects for post-graduation. And the fact that I'm a girl, and sometimes I get emotional for certain reasons. So you know. Whatever. And I just really want to be home. This semester has absolutely been terrible for me. It's made me feel dumber than any other semester ever, it's made me hate school more than I thought possible, and it has just been bad. School-wise, there's very little about this semester that I will cherish or remember fondly. Hopefully next semester, with only four classes and classes that I actually really want to take, will be better in that regard. Right now, the idea of a real job, a job where I go in during the day and then can come home at night and not have to do homework for it, and where I actually get paid, it sounds very nice. Very nice indeed.

16ish days until I'm home. I hope. 17 at the most. A bit too long, but it's better than 27 or 37 or 117 or something.

Watch me go from semi-rational to completely going crazy, all in one post!

(Warning: Don't read this blog in the next three weeks unless you want an ample does of whining, complaining, and general bitching about schoolwork and the unfairness of an ungrateful college student's life.)

So tonight at work, I realized that, of course, I have to work Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. In addition to all that other homework I'm going to have to do, aside from the paper (and hopefully not papers, because hopefully I'll get this one done tonight, even if it sucks). At this point, I just want to get everything finished. I already know this semester is not going to do much positive to my GPA, and I've just about given up even trying to do well anymore. Not like it seems to matter much anyway. In short, I suck. Oh well.

I have a bit of a...dilemma, you might say. Not a real one, but yeah. So I need to get one of my finals moved, right, because I have four within a 24-hour period. I would much prefer to have my Trads final moved, both because it's at 8am on Tuesday morning, and because that one is going to need a lot of studying and a paper to write, too. So I'd prefer to do that like Monday morning sometime. I asked my prof about it on Friday, and he said to ask another teacher of a smaller class first, and then to ask him again if that didn't work out. My sign language class is smaller, but I really don't think that my SL prof would let me or be able to move that final to another time, because of the format and whatnot. So then the next choice would be Latin, as that class is probably the smallest of all my classes. But...I would so much prefer to move my Trads final. Although, if I moved Latin, I could potentially leave earlier, as that final is at 4:15 or something like that on Tuesday. Man, I wish I didn't live 18 hours away. And that's assuming the weather is nice, which is never a safe thing to assume in the middle of December. But whatever. I'd really prefer to make the whole drive in one day, but who knows what'll happen. I hate hotels though. But there's lots of other things to worry about before that.

I don't think I'm going to get any/much sleep Tuesday night. Sigh. I wonder how many hours I should sign up to work next semester. I'll have lots more free time thanks to less classes, but I don't know that I want to fill up that time with work, even if I do desperately need money. One thing's for sure: I'm definitely not going to sign up for a night shift and a morning shift that are only 8 hours apart from each other. Because, um, that's dumb, and only people who suck at life do that.

Know what I realized tonight? Finals start next week. Next week. Next Friday, which is practically two weeks away, but still. That's sort of soon. And yet, not soon enough. I wish this were our last week of classes, and finals started next Monday. That'd be so much better. Whatever. I just want to be home already. Home and done with this semester. Even though it means that I only have one semester left here. It's gonna end no matter what I do, so I might as well get to the semester that will allow me a bit more fun and a bit less stress, right? You have no idea how nice four classes sounds right now. I can't believe that the semester I have six classes, not a single one has a paper instead of the final, or something other than sitting for a final during finals week. That's never happened to me before, I don't think. Six finals. Not cool.

I think I might ask my theo of the Mass prof if I can turn in the paper next Tuesday. That's when I thought it was due (by the last day of class, that's what I had written down), so I had kind of planned on that in my head with regard to these three papers. I would feel slightly less stressed about this week at least if that one can be turned in next Tuesday. I mean, I'd still have to do it, but an extra weekend would be nice. I don't know how I'm going to manage all the studying for finals I'm going to have to do. Argh. But yeah. With that theo paper, it'd be nice especially because the outline and whatever I had already written for it is stuck on my laptop, so it'd be nice to have that when working on it more. He seems pretty chill about the whole thing, as long as we get it in and preferably that everyone doesn't turn it in the same day, so maybe he'd be ok with it if I explain that situation to him. We'll see.

Gar. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next two weeks. (Will I really be home in two weeks? Oh, no I won't. Three weeks. I'll be home in three weeks. I wish it were two weeks.) Three weeks. Three wretched, horrid weeks of misery. Hopefully there will be one or two good things hidden in there to keep me sane.

Ok after just finishing my Latin homework, I am so glad I'm almost done with Latin. That makes me sad, because I do really enjoy learning Latin, but I suck at it. I'm seriously terrible. I dread getting Friday's test back, I dread taking this Friday's test, and I really don't know how I'm going to study for/pass the final. I don't know how I ever thought I would be good at it. Or anything. I used to think I was good at school. Not so much anymore. I can't stand the thought of having to do more school. I don't think grad school would be a good option at this point. I really sort of just want to give up on this semester and not do any more work. It's not like I do well when I even try, anyway.

Sigh. Schoolwork makes me sad, and it makes me feel like an idiot. So. Guess I better go work on some more, right? ha. I hate this. There's been so little that has been good about this semester. Very very very little, in fact. I do somehow have a good outlook, looking back, but looking forward to the next three weeks makes me want to hide under my covers. Maybe I should just go to bed soon and pretend I don't have anything to do. But no, I really need to get this gosh darn stupid essay done. I am so so screwed this week. And finals. Man I'm getting myself very worked up and overwhelmed thinking about it all. There's no way around it though. There's nothing I can do to make it seem better. I seriously want to cry thinking about it all. I don't know how I'm going to get through it. And you know what? Listening to Delilah on the radio is not a good idea when I'm in a mood like this. I just want to reach through the radio, or in this case the computer screen, and punch her in the face. Seriously. Ugh.

I need a hug.

At least I haven't had many papers this semester, overall

A friend of mine lent me his extra laptop today, which hopefully I'll only need until tomorrow afternoon at the latest. I needed to start typing up my papers though, and I really didn't want to have to do it in the computer cluster, so I decided to accept his offer (well, sort of his offer), even though it's weird to be using not my laptop while sitting in my room. It's weird because the keyboard isn't the same as mine either so I keep messing myself up trying to use keyboard shortcuts where the keys are on my laptop, but not this one. Anyway. So turns out that I didn't have as much written for my theo paper as I thought. It's the one that's due by Wednesday, but I wanted to try to get it done for tomorrow. Not sure if that's feasible or not though. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that I sort of really need to get it done for tomorrow because I'm gonna have another paper due Wednesday night I'll need to work on, and those outlines I normally have to do every Friday for Trads? We have to do two this week to get through the book. So that sucks. Lots of homework this week. You know, I really think that there shouldn't be any new homework assignments during the last week or two of school. Papers, that's different. But not only do I have to worry about those paper, I have to do my regular Latin homework and we still have another test on Friday, and I have to do those two chapters for Trads, and we have a whole book to read for Old Testament, like a 200 page book, that we're discussing Thursday and next Tuesday, and you just know that there's going to be a question about it on the final. It just seems cruel to add all that tuff to an already ridiculously busy time. I don't understand how teachers just don't get it. And how so many seem to think that theirs is the only class that anyone has, or something. Ugh I really just need this sad excuse for a semester to be over.

Anyway. I went to Mass this morning, which was lovely. Managed to make myself get up for the 10am Mass (compromised with my body a bit by not taking a shower, which meant a half hour or so more of sleep), and as always it did not disappoint. Being the first week of Advent and all, it really made it feel like Christmastime finally. And it was nice that they sing O Come O Come Emmanuel in the regular way, instead of whatever odd way at least one of the Masses at home does it. Or at least used to do it. Anyway. It felt so nice to be back there. I hadn't been to church in far too long (it's been three weeks. Last week I missed thanks to the flight confusion and whatnot, the week before that I was sick. I could and should have gone at some point, but I just couldn't make myself, which was bad of me), and I hadn't been to the 10am Mass in even longer. I very much enjoy that Mass. I couldn't smell very well (thanks to the cold that Won't Go Away), but a bit of the incense did manage to get itself into my nose, and it was lovely. It just felt so good to be at church again. And I was there in a way I really hadn't been in a long time. I really miss who I used to be with regard to church and God and whatnot. I need to make that stuff more of a priority in my life. And I need to go to confession too. Hopefully I'll manage to make myself go this week. Because I really need to. But anyway. Enough about that.

I've been sleeping with the humidfier on all week. I don't really know if it's making a difference at all, but I guess I just sort of feel like it is so I keep it on. Friday night I stayed at Caitlin and Katherine's, where there was obviously no humidifier, and I was a lot more stuffed up and whatnot yesterday. I also don't think I slept spectacularly either though that night, so who knows. Funny though, isn't it, that up until part way through October I was complaining about the humidity here, and now that it's at Colorado levels of humidity, I'm willingly making my room more humid. Ah well. This cold has been hanging onto me for two weeks now. I wasn't feeling it too much when I was home, but I haven't felt very good all week. Not terrible for the most part, but definitely not great. At least the pink eye seems to have worked itself out, finally. Hopefully. I think my immune system, which for 21 or so years was doing a pretty swell job for me, finally quit. I mean, I never get colds twice within a year, let alone two pretty good ones within like a month and a half of each other. And pink eye both times too? (Don't tell my mom this, but I haven't been good about taking my vitamins this year. I was semi-sporadic before the first cold, and then since going home for fall break, I don't think I've taken vitamins at all.) Sigh. Oh yeah, I decided this weekend that the relationship between my computer and myself is similar to that of ET and Elliot. Remember, when ET gets sick in the movie, Elliot gets sick, and then when he gets really sick Elliot does too? That's what's happening with my computer. I was doing ok, and then my computer "got sick" on Sunday and then I started going downhill again. The only thing is, in ET, he eventually dies and lets Elliot get well, until he comes back to life again at least, and my computer seems sort of dead and I'm still not well. But maybe my computer's not quite dead yet, and it will be in a few days, and then I'll start getting better. Or we both will. Who really knows. Haha.

So I've been thinking about things lately. Things like...the future. Grad school and whatnot. And the more I think about it, the more I don't know how much I want to be in school for two more years. Two more years of having to travel long distances to visit my family. Two more years of going back and forth, of packing and unpacking, of sort of living at home but sort of not. It just doesn't sound terribly appealing anymore. I mean, I'd be learning stuff that's interesting to me, I know, and I paid all that money for the stupid GRE, but... I don't know. The other thing is, um...darn I forgot. Oh yeah. The other thing is I have no idea what I'd do if I just went home and got a job. Where would I even look for one? Ideally, I'd love to work in a parish or the diocese or something like that, or at a prolife place, but those types of jobs don't seem to be often unfilled. Few and far between, it seems. I wonder if I'd have more luck in Denver. And then I could go to Holy Ghost church. Nice place. Except I don't really want to live in Denver. But anyway. So yeah. That's where I am. Pretty much nowhere, and exactly where I was before. I just think I might be too burned out to consider grad school right now. I could always apply next year or whatnot. People do that. I just...eh I don't know. It's hard being around so many people who've known what they were doing for months now, people who had internships this summer that helped feed them right into their post-graduation jobs. Engineers and business people, mostly. At least I have a few arts and letters friends who are basically in the same boat as I am. The boat that most likely won't be getting us large salaries and good benefits. Ah well, at least we had fun in our classes during college, right?

Google Docs is pretty cool, I've discovered. Whatever documents you write get saved automatically, and then they're saved online no matter where you go. And you can convert them to lots of different document formats, including Word. I might start using it more often. The only thing is, it's hard to tell how many pages you have and whatnot until you convert it over, and that's sort of an important thing to know. But yeah. Anyway.

Well, I best get back to work. Unfortunately I do actually have to go to work in a little while. Oh well. Here's hoping my computer gets fixed tomorrow. (I just found out that Caitlin, who also has a Dell that she got around the same time I got mine, just had her motherboard die on her a few minutes ago. I don't think I'll be getting a Dell next time I get a laptop. Whenever that will be.)

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to the best mom in the world! (It's what would be considered a big birthday, one of those milestone years, but she might not want me saying. Unless I already have on here, which is a possibility...Anyway.)

I'd put up a picture, but alas, I have no pictures on this computer, because it's not mine and it would be weird if I had pictures on here. So. Maybe I'll go back and add one or two at a later date, should my computer ever get fixed.